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Kalanna Rai
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 9:40 pm    Post subject: M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S. Reply with quote

Right, I just can't get enough humor in my life...
-----------------

M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S.

Chapter One: Desk Jobs Ho!


Around a small table in a stylish Utopian coffee shop, a pair of trendily dressed Fey laugh as they share a few memories from a long and storied career in the most secretive of all Utopian organizations the M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S. You'd never know just by looking at the pair that they were the top field agents, with over fifty high profile cases under their belts.

The pixy, a beautiful, slender creature with long rose pink hair pulled back in a pair of loose puffs on the sides of her head, and huge violet eyes, went by the name of Ree. She laughed her tinkling laugh behind one tan hand as her partner, Rillis, made yet another sly remark about their absent boss, Ninnyhammer. Her lavander wings twitched and her ample bosom jiggled under it's confining tan buisiness suit.

Rillis, a sprite, winked a vivid green eye cheekily from under his rakish mop of blue hair. His pale skin, seeming almost bluish from the tint of his hair and the dark blue suit he was wearing, his sky blue wings waving as if to punctuate their point, painted a merry picture for his partner. A waiter bustled up.

"Can I get you anything else?" In the human world designer caffine is expensive and has names too complicated to understand...in Utopia coffee addicts would go through withdrawls before they learned how to order anything. The agents, however, had been born and raised here, and knew exactly what they wanted.

"I want a quintuple, septuple, octagenarian, iced, diced, spliced, steamed, milky, hoeky pokey, coca, loca mocha with hot legs and a shake on it." The waiter, still smiling, wrote down the order and turned to Ree.

"And the lady."

"A cafe latte, frappe, puree, Manic Monday, any kind of sundae, gotta be Chuck Berry, smoothie, that had better be going my way, today. Make it shaken, not stirred." Now the waiter frowned.

Clearly he'd been hoping that one of them would screw up and he could bring them an inadiquite order and laugh in their face while they spluttered in indignation trying to return it for money...which was impossible since they'd ordered it and it couldn't be returned at all...

He bustled away and half an hour later brought them both their orders. "One coconut mocha with extra milk to go and one Berries and Creme smoothie to go. That'll be ten fifty." Rillis reached out to pay, but instead Ree passed the waiter the coins. He looked at the money, exact change for a moment, frowining.

"I think he want's a tip Ree." The pixy grinned nastily.

"Fine." She dug in her wallet and handed him a token. The waiter looked closely at it. Scratched into the surface were the words 'Don't stare at the Sun for long periods of time.' He looked up, ready to complain their pointed ears off...only to find they'd already gone.

Now Utopia is a wonderful place, the land of pixies and sprites, unicorns and pegasi. It's a place of magic and happiness on the outside, a place people would die to see...or at least pay a ten dollar admission fee for.

But what you don't see is what goes on behind the scenes, the toil and turmoil that the 'honest' politicians go through, or actually put other people through, in order to keep it hidden from the eyes of men. Men the hated enemy, destoryers of all the sacred groves and defilers of the pure lands. Magical creatures are strictly forbbiden to have any connections with them what so ever.

The rules are strict, the polices set, the 'It's for Your Own Good' bumper stickers and smiley face decals handed out, and the M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S in place. What's with the name you might ask...well it's short for Magical Abnormal Divine Demonic Incursion Surveilance Or Nutralization Squads. Basically they're fairy hit men, the X-Files in pink spandex and neon capes waving wands instead of guns...well the new recruits are at any rate.

For Rillis and Ree, who were at the top of their game with medals galore, they could do pretty much as the damn well pleased. Yet this morning, as they sat infront of the aforementioned boss Ninnyhammer, they finally found something they couldn't escape.

"What do you mean you're assinging us desk jobs! You can't do that boss!" Ninnyhammer, a rather ugly troll with a jutting, wart covered nose, orange-grey fur, and a tendency toward too-tight polyester, pointed a claw at them.

"Of course I can...I'm your boss. Maybe if you hadn't turned down that promotion all those years ago you'd be ordering me around but no...just had to stay in the field, on active duty...well now I'm removing you." Rillis and Ree exchanged a glance.

"But to make us teach new agents! It's the worst torture imaginable! All the pointless questions, the hours of paperwork...more paperwork than a 'discharge of wand in the line of duty' order! And on a daily basis...are you trying to force us into retirement?" Ninnyhammer looked up from where he'd been shining his name plaque on his sleeve and smiled thinly at them.

"No, no. You two are living legends, the Rillis and Ree! We need you more now than ever!" He stood with a groan, or maybe that was his chair groaning in reliefe, and turned his back on them as he stared out his massive plate windows. "It's just...well we havn't had a case worthy of agents of your caliber in quite some time...so we're putting you where you can do the most good."

"Teaching?" Ree turned to Rillis 'I can't belive this expression' and jerked her thumb at the boss's massive back, which was straining his suit jacket in several places.

"Teaching." Ninnyhammer replied firmly. "First class starts tomorrow." He whirled, well more like slowly turned...like an orbiting planet, and slammed his massive paws down on his desk. "You two better be there or else...I'm going straight to the top...the TOP!" Rillis and Ree shot each other a 'we're so screwed' glance and swollowed hard. Ninnyhammer smiled again, which was beginning to get nausiating.

"I suppose we'd better go clean out our desks eh?" Ninnyhammer nodded, his horns nearly unbalancing him...Rillis grinned. As soon as they were out of the boss's office the pair burst out laughing.

"HORN IMPLANTS!" Rillis crowed, whishing he'd gotten photos for the Beltane party.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Ree was laughing so hard, tears leaked out of her eyes. The pair were still chuckling until they reached their shared office in the corner of the A Squad's third floor command center. The room hushed when they entered, the other top agents giving them respectful silence. "Do I have a kick me sign taped to my back again?" Rillis did a quick check, staring mostly at her well shaped booty but hey...a guy can dream right?

"Not today."

"Good. I almost got in trouble for putting Eecks in the hospital the other day." Rillis nodded, quickly shutting the door behind them, enclosing themselves in their neat office. Okay so neat was about a far from being an accurate discription as it is to say that a tsunami is a pond ripple. Hundreds of years of...stuff crowded every availible surface.

Rillis walked over to his desk and flopped in his chair, propping his feet up on a pile of important paperwork. As he leaned back, just before he fell out of his chair, he noticed a very plain leatherbound book. Scrambling up off the floor he pulled it down from the shelf and blew the dust off of it. As he read the title his eyes widened.

"Ree come look! It's our awards log for the our first century!" They flipped through the pages, taking in the numerous 'Bravery in Action' awards and the unmatched record of Commends, and Recommends. And their pride and joy...a Power Mark each. Rillis flipped the book shut. "They can't do this too us Ree."

"I know. We're the heros of the Avalon Invasion! We saved Tir 'na Nog! We're the best damn Agents around. Desk Job huh."

"Teaching feh!" They both looked at each other...a peculiar glint coming into their eyes. "Ree, you've got that look again."

"What look?"

"That 'I'm going to bullrush an axe weilding Minotaur' look." She laughed.

"Well maybe I do. But that's not our problem at the moment. We have a desk job looming a head of us."

"And the question is..."

"What are we going to do about it." After centuries of work in a mysterious government agency. After foiling centuries of diabolical plans and busting mythical plots the pair had some interesting ideas. But in the end they decided to...
---------------
What are they going to do about the hideous desk job?

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Last edited by Kalanna Rai on Mon Dec 04, 2006 4:14 pm; edited 6 times in total
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice first chapter Rai!

I don't know what to do about it really, just now. Perhaps take a leaf from NGoodDeed and try and bodge it up?

Need more thinking.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Good stuff, Rai! I especially liked:

Quote:
"A cafe latte, frappe, puree, Manic Monday, any kind of sundae, gotta be Chuck Berry, smoothie, that had better be going my way, today. Make it shaken, not stirred."


I'm going to memorize that and order it next time I'm at Starbucks. Just to see how they react. Wink

Anyway, I don't see how the two agents really have any choice. They've been given a direct order by their superiors, and it's either obey or quit. However, they don't necessarily have to do a good job at it. If they, oh I don't know, scare the berjeebers out of their first new recruits and leave them with horrendous psychological scars that will require lots of therapy at the expense of the agency, then perhaps the bigwigs will consider giving the agents back the post they were so well-suited for. Maybe.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Go Starbucks bashing Thracia! Unfortunately I've actually used that line at an actual coffee shop. What was really funny was I happened to know the girl behind the counter. You should have seen her boss's face when I delivered that line, without smiling, and she gave me a Berries and Creme smoothie...

Naturally we'd worked this out before hand but hey...it was pretty damn funny.

And I want to know how it turns out for you...

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What I want to know is how you managed to deliver that line with a straight face. Laughing
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good start Kal. Liking the mega-pixies Very Happy

I'd say the answer is obvious. They have to create a case that's worthy of them. Go out, release whatever uber-bad dude can tax their potential and wait for the call to come in.

Either that, or sham a case up. Completely make it up from start to finish. Lay clues, send anonymous tip-offs, pay thugs to try and kill people, with mysterious messages delivered as they do so.

Buy yourselves some time until a real new case turns up Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Odd - I'm sure I commented on this earlier...

Good start Kalanna, although you must be at the stage of carrying a keyboard around with you 24/7 just typing stories. Shocked Cool

I like Stoat's idea of letting some uber bad guy out and awaiting the call. They'll be back on active duty before you could order a plain black coffee Very Happy

Happy Writing. Smile
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actually I'm an ill insomniac Smee...I can't sleep and I have nothing to do all day thus...I'm on IF a lot!

And for the record a plan black coffee would be a...

a jet set, molassass, gracias, lava, java, hot, shot and ready to rock.

If you wanted it to go that is...eating in's a whole different language...

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it's certainly different.

Howabout they be radical and try and be good at their new jobs, until they manage to get an appointment to see someone even higher up?
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm what would they have to do to get a promotion?
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL. I agree with Alba here. Those orders are certainly stunners.

F5 Shady. If you want to get something done, do it yourself. Besides these two seem to like trouble.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right to reply to all the questions...

Lordy: Going over their boss's head is likely to get them fired since Ninnyhammer will beg, plead, cry, act like China, and at the end of the day have a better argument as to why they should teach students than they do about why they should stay active...especially given the overwhelming peace that's been smothering Utopia for the past century or so. But I'll put the option in the poll anyway just because it's radically different.

Ingro: They don't want promoted...they've passed up dozens of those. They just want to stay as active duty agents...not some pencil pushing beauracrates. The only problem is there isn't really a call for active agents of their caliber.

Rave: They don't just love trouble...they are trouble. To anyone and anything...why do you think their boss hates them. Could it be because...well you'll have to wait to find out why..

And I'll leave the thread open for another day or so to gain a few more ideas before I put up the poll for chapter two...which shall be interesting to say the least...

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
act like China,
Confused

How about, just to throw another tangent in, they quit and find some freelance work?

My 2 Cents
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes act like China...you know bribery, financial pressure, and blackmail...Ninnyhammer is well connected and well off if nothing else...
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2006 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kalanna Rai wrote:
Yes act like China...you know bribery, financial pressure, and blackmail...Ninnyhammer is well connected and well off if nothing else...


Oh, well that's okay then. I thought you meant
Quote:
beg, plead, cry
, though there is always a place for those too... Wink
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right the first poll is up! Do some Voting!
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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2006 11:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted to actually be good at their brand new job.
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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 5:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Read, enjoyed Very Happy and voted!

*holds breath* Shocked
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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 11:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh heh... I've been down that road. Fun to try though, isn't it?

Voted to terrorize the students, because the young'ns need a bit of terror in their lives. You know, shake them out of their complacency and whatnot.
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PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 7:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL. I have seen the pictures, Alba. Well I am also laughing at this poll. It would seem every choice has been voted upon, once or twice.
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PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 2:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, Kalanna's going to be hard-pressed to somehow write in the three that are tied if there isn't a tie-breaker. That should be fun to watch, though. Very Happy Imagine if the two agents had to do a good job at faking a case involving mercenaries? Classic.
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PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 9:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To quote some famous old dead dude..."I have not yet begun to fight." And just for the record, I loved all the suggestions so much I've been working on a chapter that includes most of them, except the whole NGD thing, I'm trying to leave Stoat's masterpiece alone.

So don't worry...I should be back later with the chapter you've all been waiting so anxiously for. Wink

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PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ouch... I just created a four way tie! I read and loved and voted for springing an old nemesis... it was something along the lines of what I would have said if I were here for preliminary discussions.

They aren't needed, so be needed... create a problem to overcome. I was thinking they could hoax a whole plot, but I think springing an old nemesis might do the trick Wink

Is my vote too late to count?

(BTW Rai, do a spell checker... you need it... styles good tho!)
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PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 1:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ROFL! A nice turn-out, but look where it's gotten you!? Laughing Wink
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PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2006 4:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, ouch, Rav.

But then again that is the problem with having a lot of choices, but not enough votes....

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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, it isn't hopeless.

Their plan could be somethin like this:

Do well at the job so that they are seen to still have value. Lead the students into a situation of their own devising involving mercenaries and a sprung old nemesis... a fake case so to speak. They could put their own control factors in place and make themselves out to be heroes who can't help but be in the right place at the right time, i.e. the classroom.
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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

True enough, Rav. I think most storygames end up with DPs that have choices that easily be combined. Of course there are few exceptions to that generalization.
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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Lead the students into a situation of their own devising involving mercenaries and a sprung old nemesis... a fake case so to speak


This could be a good one! The 'bad guys' could suddenly get very successful and start creeping up the most wanted list. Suddenly they could be famous and whilst it is happening, the two agents could find themselves drawn into the part rather too much.

A lot of potential in this one. Mmm.
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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right well I'd better get this chappy up so that you'll have something to chew over during my absence...
-----------------------

Chapter Two: You've Been SCHOOLED!

The plan was fiendishly brilliant, and simply complex with more layers than an onion. They would become the greatest teachers that the Academy had ever seen, they were the greatest agents after all. No challenge was to great, no detail too small. "Well I'm off to put phase one into action!"

Rillis nearly knocked Ree over in his enthusiasim as he bounded out the office door. Ree, hands on hips and a nasty expression distorting her normally foxy features into a wights snarl. "And once again you leave me to clean up the mess! How like a sprite!" Rolling up her sleeves she pulled out her wand and pointed it at the mess.

Now you must understand one thing. For a M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S. agent of Ree's calibur to pull her wand was akin to watching a ninja pull a fully loaded bazuka out of nowhere. The agents in the room beyond the frosted glass and thin wood scrambled for cover faster than cockroaches when someone flicks on a light. With a grim smile Ree began her militant version of spring cleaning, whistling a Disney tune the whole time.
-------------------------------

A few hours later it seemed that their brilliant plan, a masterwork of smoke, mirrors, illusion, and a dash of actual danger, was in danger of falling flater than a ten year old chef's suffle. Rillis stared at the grey bars of his cell and gently probed the swelling lump on the side of his face. "Did they really have to hit me that last time. I mean I'd already been cuffed and everything."

"Well screaming about Police brutality really got you someplace." Rillis would have known that voice anywhere. He looked up with the eager face of a puppy at dinnertime to see Ree, looking like the world's most succulant dish ever, leaning disdainfully against the bars. A sour faced officer from the UPD stood nearby, one hand jingling a key ring, the other sunk deep in his pocket jingling change...or that's what the noise indicated.

"This him?" Ree gave the officer one of her 'pedigreed princess' looks and the officer flushed.

"Well if it's not him then there must be another wrongly arrested M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S. agent in your cells and I'm sure you don't want to be invesitgated any further now do you?" That cell door swung open at mach speeds, the officer scraping and bowing to Rillis's every whim. Service always seemed to be so much better when the pretty pixy was around.

Slowly the pair of them walked out of the jail. Slowly because Rillis's injuries prevented anything faster than a stately limp. They passed cells full of common filth, and the cleaning crews hard at work scrubbing the years of mold and grime away. At the front desk the 'arresting agent' a young M.A.D.D.I.S.O.N.S. officer named, of all things, Squeegy, shook like jell-o as they approached.

"I'm really sorry about this whole thing Mr. Rillis, really I am! I had no idea you were running down a case lead! I thought that you were another patron of that assassin's guild we've been trying to bring in." Rillis favored him a haughty look.

"Kid, by the time I'm through with you parking ticket detail is going to look like a high danger assingment on the Fringe!" The pair of them managed to maintain the whole 'pissed ranking agent' thing until they made it to the flying coach that awaited them. There they broke out in salutes and laughs.

"Man did you see their faces!"

"I know. 'Really I didn't mean it!' Pathetic." They rubbed their hands together ala Mr. Burns.

"Ree. Phase one is officially complete. The groundwork is laid."

"Right. Tonight, while all of those criminals are being housed in upscale hotel rooms while their cells are cleaned before the Inspectors get there tomorrow, several are going to make a break for it." Rillis winked.

"And they'll succeed." Ree nodded.

"Naturally. Have you ever tried to get past Hotel Security?"

"Easiest thing next to Airport Security." The pair relaxed a moment. "Ree?"

"What?"

"You did save that mold that was on my desk right?"
----------------------------

Sure enough the headlines the next morning were exactly what Rillis and Ree had been expecting. Brothers Grimm Escape! Security Job Botched! Although the artical about Rillis's arrest only made page eight which disappointed him ever so slightly. Still, as they chuckled over coffee and apple strudel, they couldn't wait to get to their first morning of class.

"I bet the Grimm's hire mercenaries." Ree shook her head.

"After they botched that last job it's not likely. They'll try to breach the Fringe and return to the human world. Get help and come back." They looked at each other, realizing at the same instant exactly how the Brother's story would sound to humans. "They'll be committed."

"Better the money comes out of the humans pockets than ours. They've had immortality at our expense too long." Ree nodded again, went to take a bite of strudel, and noticed the time. She stood up so fast that the table was knocked back, bowling over a still healing Rillis, and splattering a grossly fat fairy with the grossly oversized chocolate creme elcaire she was eating.

"Tarus Balls! Rillis we're going to be late!" The sprite, with a wild look for a random medic but sigh, where's a random medic when you need one, managed to get to his feet while the pixy wrenched his left arm out of it's socket. "We're gonna have to fly for it!"

Rillis, now in a mad panic, tried to rip his arm free and only succeeded in ripping an arm off his suit and planting his face in Ree's ample bosom, at any other moment his favored fantasy but at this the last place he wanted to be. "Fly! Woman are you mad! The last time I flew anywhere..." For a moment they both experianced a flashback. Rillis's wings, oversized by a sudden growth spurt, he'd come into maturity late afterall, beating faster than a hummingbirds and stirring up hurricane force winds.

"Fine then I'll just teleport us!" Before Rillis could stop her with another flashback, Ree waved her wand and the pair of them vanished from the shattered cafe.
-------------------------

The students, all ten of them, were sitting at their chosen desks. Unsure as to where their glorious teachers would position themselves they hadn't really fought over position, but they had done their fair share of boasting. Now, as the clock ticked toward that golden moment when their legendary mentors would suddenly appear infront of them, ten fresh, eager faces counted down the seconds.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one..."

Boom!

A massive chunck of the middle of the classroom vanished in a blast that left a minature mushroom cloud and flying shrapnel to fly through the students. For a few moments there was only the sounds of scrabbling, and coughing as the poor wannabe's tried to orient themselves.

Slowly they turned their glances toward where the center of the room used to be. There, in the middle of a massive crater, stood two figures in full riot gear, wands in full combat mode, which is to say they had become enchanted blades instead, and not a mark on them.

"Welcome Students! We are Rillis and Ree and we will own you for the next six weeks!" Slowly, trembling and now so scared several needed a change of underware, the students stood and surveyed their teachers. The two of them had made an impressive entrance, and they definetely cut an imposing image...but something didn't seem quite right!

"Hey! Those two are fakes!" Standing in the remains of the doorway two more figures, in ruined buisness suits and mottled with bruises stood pointing frazzled standard issue wands at the smoking figures. "We're the real Rillis and Ree!"

The students, several of whom had now fainted from the strain, were now faced with a rather difficult decision...who to believe...and worse...what were they going to do now?
---------------------
Right, ponder puzzle and I'll talk to you later!

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PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm.

Well, they ARE students, after all. They'll believe that the guys who come presentable to a lecture are the real lecturers. Stands to reason, doesn't it?

Are you mad? Of course they're not the real lecturers! You HAVE heard of Rillis and Ree before? You know about their legendary deeds? It has to be the crater-pair!

Now that's just your immature need for adventure talking. Our lecturers have been taken off the lecturing circuit. Why would they be in full riot gear?

Uhh... emergencies happen? And who are you calling immature?

======

In short, they'll debate it without doing anything much. They're students Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sat May 13, 2006 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Probably follow which ever pair first zaps the fake one, and trust to good luck.

And also - Rai's back. Finally.
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PostPosted: Sun May 14, 2006 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well the real pair is going to have to either be really persuasive or do something else. Can't really think of anything creative right now.
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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter, Rai! Laughing

So do the "imposters" look like Rillis and Ree? Because if so... They could actually be Rillis and Ree from the future, after a little time-travel mix-up sends them on hilarious adventures and hijinks having to do with the Brothers Grimm (eeee!), during which they get scuffed up and somehow end up in business suits, and then get transported back (or forward; I've lost track now) in time to when they (the past they) first entered the lecture hall, and after realizing what's happened they'll sort of blush, realize they're messing with the continuum here, and skulk off to find a way out of this mess, leaving the past Rillis and Ree (the current ones in the story), as well as the students, to wonder what the heck that was all about.

Just a thought. Wink
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Right, as you can tell this is one of the 'Chosen Ones'.

To answer Alba's question, yes they are exact duplicates of Rillis and Ree.
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 9:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The real pair must be the ones in combat gear... they've got to be... at least the students would trust that they were, since they're the more intimidating pair.
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PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rav makes a good point. The students know of the pairs' reputation.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can she do it? Can she be the draconic version of Santa and update them all in one night! *chuckles*

Well I'm trying! Make some magic happen peoples!

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 5:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rai is back! Welcome back oh scaly one!

...and voted. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted for the futuristic pairing, and winning.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 2:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay here's the new chappy peoples! Enjoy...
------------------------

Chapter Three: Future Shock

For a moment the students looked back and forth between the two pairs of agents at top speed, their heads looking like they'd been stuffed in a blender. Eventually, most of them too dizzy at this point to be of much use, they wandered over toward the back of the room, the only relativly safe place they could think of. One of the braver ones, a sickly looking fey with lopsided ears, managed to croak out. "Will the real Rillis and Ree please stand down?"

"We ARE Rillis and Ree!" Both pairs shouted at once and glared at the other pair. "No WE'RE Rillis and Ree!" Again at the same time. "STOP COPYING US!" "NO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S COPYING!" This went on for some time, both pairs hurling the exact same insults at the exact same time. Finally disheveled Rillis turned to disheveled Ree and said the first sane thing anyone had said since the whole fiasco started.

"This isn't helping." Ree gave him an arch look.

"I don't know about you but it certainly is working on my nerves. You know the doctor said I should take more time to find activities that relive my excess stress." Rillis wondered which doctor had told her that, the one she'd hospitalized for moving to fast with his pen, she claimed it had been a threatening motion, or the one who'd had to have his stethoscope surgically removed after attempting to 'examine' her a little too closely.

"I don't think screaming insults at an exact replica of yourself was quite what he had in mind." Still as Rillis shot a covert glance across the room he had to admit, those dopplegangers were surprisingly accurate. Save for the fact Ree was looking a little scaley, literally and were those claws or a manicure gone horribly wrong, and he was looking slightly haggared.

Across the room, the duplicates were having a very different conversation. It was a little more interesting than that of the disheveled pair by the door and seasoned with just a touch more sanity...but only a little more.

"Rillis? Have you noticed anything odd about those replicas?" The sprite shook his head.

"There's something about them but I can't quite put my finger on it." Ree drummed a claw against her forearm, the crescent razor making a tapping noise that drove Rillis crazy...and suddenly he had it. "Ree! Your claws!" The pixy stared at her personal daggers.

"They're talons for the umpteenth time Rillis, and what about them? I just pared them down yesterday..."

"No they're fine but look at that replica. She doesn't have them, your scales either." Ree squinted.

"You're right. Your replica looks a little too cheerful too. It's like the cloud over you has been lifted...and your magical aura stunted." She stopped drumming the talon and began chewing it, a tricky thing to do when said talon has a edge so fine you can't even see it or know you've been cut with it until it's too late. "It's almost like we're looking in an old photo from...you know...before IT happened."

"That's exactly it. We've traveled back in time! Good Gods! We must be at least a hundred years in the past!"

"Wait, say that again!" The request didn't come from the riot suit Ree but rather from Ree across the room. "You two are us from the future?" Riot suit Ree nodded.

"Yes it's all coming back to me now...like some bad B movie or a dream that wasn't terribly interesting but someone asks you if you had a dream so you have to remember it...Nothing really good comes out of this meeting...other than a few awards, some academic accolades, and a really good lesson example on the dangers of hasty transport spells."

Rillis across the room gave his Ree a triumphant smile while riot suit Rillis whispered in his Ree's ear 'I told you.' and had to jerk back quickly in order not to have express rhinoplasty and a quick skin peel preformed by Ree's mean right hook.

"So you're not going to do anything for us? No helpful hints, nothing that might come in useful later?" The future pair stared at each other, racking their brains, but in the end they both shrugged.

"Buy stock in Feblist Fugists's Fimbulus Formulae and Amalgamated Alchemists Associates."

"Stop sleeping with Mr. Pookykins." Rillis flushed, and being a sprite of a bluish nature this looked like the same color a frozen blueberry might turn, and gazed sternly at the terrified students who were doing their best to make the four agents forget they existed entirely.

"You did not hear that! And if you did you'd better forget it before I..." at this point future Rillis waved his hand.

"Forget." It wasn't a request, it was a command with a hint of strong magic behind it. With a wink he turned to across the room Rillis. "Relax former self. They don't remember that little tidbit of advice." Rillis relaxed and shot his future incarnation a greatful look.

His Ree however, was snickering behind her hand. She'd only been introduced to Mr. Pookykins once but that brief meeting was all it had taken to ruin Rillis's chances of physical companionship with her. After all, who could admit that their current lover still slept with a stuffed flying frog. The future pair looked at one another, remembering that day all too well.

"My life would have been so much easier if..." Riot gear Rillis broke off there with a wistful sigh. His Ree patted his arm.

"There, there. If we'd gotten involved you'd never have met Wimblia and fulfilled your destiny."

"Exactly! I'd be happy! A crappy mage but happy! Just because Velivyce turned out to be...wonderful...is that any excuse for ruining my chance!" He turned to across the room Ree and dropped to his knees. "Please reconsider! You don't know what will happen if you don't! It will spare your being carried off by a Dragon!" At this point tears were rolling down future Rillis's cheeks.

Future Ree, finally fed up with the whole mess, a few more years had added some paitence to her attitude, grabbed his arm and sketched a glyph in the air. "I do apologize for his behavior," Rillis was still sobbing. "But remember our tips. And don't sweat your Predicted Futures. Being carried off by a dragon isn't so bad." With a wink Ree turned from her former self to the wobbling mass of jellied students.

Their wills having utterly failed them, and an invisibility spell having gone horribly awry, they were indeed a quivering mass of jelly with a serious case of multiple personality disorder. Ree tisk-tisked and waved a fastly fading talon in their direction. "Let this be a lesson to you all! Be careful when useing teleport, or transport spells. You never know how the balance will shift.

With a slight pop, future Rillis and Ree vanished, along with the distruction to the center of the room. Rillis and Ree, the real pair, the remaining pair, exchanged a 'holy shit' glance. "I'll lay out a soothing lesson plan. You sort out the students." With that Rillis ducked back out of the room leaving Ree to deal with the mess.

"YOU did it AGAIN! I'm sick of CLEANING UP!" Rillis poked his head back in.

"But you do it so well. YIPE!" The last part came when a flaming dagger came out of nowhere to embed in the wall where his head had been. He swiftly vanished from sight, presumably to tidy up and 'prepare' his speech.

With a sigh Ree moved to roll up her sleeves, realized that they no longer existed, and pulled out her wand. "Don't move. This is going to sting a little bit." The jellied students quivered harder. That was exactly what any doctor or nurse told you just before they did something extremely painful. Ree snorted. "Oh stop quivering like a lump of spineless flesh. This isn't going to hurt me a bit..."
--------------------

"Disgraceful! Utterly unspeakable! I like it." The pair couldn't believe their ears. Rillis had still been out powdering his nose and Ree had been shoulder deep in reconstituted students when their new boss, a troll named Sludgemealer, had walked in to pay them a visit and see how their first class was going.

Needless to say he'd been less than pleased and had reported it to the Governing Board. They'd been summoned into the Bored Room faster than Ree could say 'Holy Syndication Batman'. They'd both expected their first reprimand, well their first justified one. Instead the whole Board was congradulating them on their 'unique' approach to teaching.

"Reminds me of when I joined. We didn't have any of that 'Faith, Trust, Pixy Dust' crap back then! No offense ma'am." Ree nodded.

"None taken Sir. Not all of us are Tinkerbells thank Gods."

"Damn straight thank the Gods. Why I haven't seen such brass on anyone since...well since those of us who fought in THE WAR started to take it easy. Just like you two. It's not that we're not glad to have you but..." Another elder fey wiped the drool off his chin an piped up.

"What the esteemed Chairman is trying to say is that it's a damn shame you two were hustled out of your positions and given over to us. Most of us only slept well at night knowing that the reason for our peaceful slumber was..."

"A priscription sleep aid?" Rillis chipped in.

"Heavy doses of alcohol and narcotics?" Ree piped up.

"No!" A palsied hand slapped the table feebly. The old fey crooked a finger at one of the muscular aids that stood behind them and the muscular aid slammed a fist to the table with a BANG. The old fey waved him back. "As I was saying no. It was knowing that we had two damn fine agents to call on if something did go wrong."

"No what do we have?"

"Milksops."

"Mollycoddles."

"Mamby pamby cry babies." The Board shook their heads in dissapointment...or was it just palsey?

"We're sorry sirs."

"Yes we'll do best to train better."

"No good!" The Chairman shouted. "Those Grimm creeps are already loose again! Sloppy work that! Right after your transfer too! And with you two training raw recruits who's going to catch them?" Rillis and Ree shrugged. The Chairman smiled. "Why you two are?"

Ree stuck a varnished nail into her pointed ear, fished out a glob of purplish-pink earwax, and flicked it onto the carpet. "Sorry sir but I don't think I heard you right. Did you say Rillis and I were?" The Chairman smiled, the Board nodded.

"We're transfering you back with a reccomendation that you stay on the posts you've manned with such distinction for so long." Rillis and Ree couldn't believe it. Back to active duty so quickly.

"But our students..."

"Have already learned more from you in one day that they could in four weeks. If you feel a burning desire to teach more you can always come back when those Grimm fellows are caught and things are kind of slow case-wize, we don't mind. Call it a timeshare if you will."

As the wax on their new orders was sealed and delivered Rillis and Ree smiled to themselves. This phase had gone nicely, if a bit faster than anticipated. With a polite wave to the Board, the Chairman especially, the pair walked out free to continue their pursuite of dangerous criminals.

They were in such especially high spirits that Rillis actually managed to give Ree a slap on her buttock, accidentally of course he was aiming for her arm but she moved it, and Ree didn't deck him right away for it. She just looked at him with one of those 'I'm CHOOSING not to kill you' smiles and said "Mr. Pookykins." The festive mood was kind of spoiled after that.

However, the old office had never looked better. Their old stuff was moved back in on the double and Ninnyhammer looked like a stunned carp, his mouth opening and shutting soundlessly as he stared blankly from the papers in his hand to the two agents once again cramping his style, or lack of style.

When everything was back in place and Rillis once again leaned too far back in his chair and had to pick himself up off the floor, the newly re-energized agents began plotting. The Brother's Grimm were old hands at this game. Some of the worst enemies known to faerie kind, right up there with Arthur Pendragon, Robin Earl of Huntington, and Hans what-his-name.

Thus they'd need a very clever plan to have any chance of catching them. "This get's harder every time Ree."

"You don't need to tell me that. It's not as simple as hit 'em with sleeping powder and stuff 'em in an unfillable sack anymore. We need a plan...a Grade A plan." Reaching into a magical filing cabinet, who's magic was that it could hold any amount of files, Ree fished around for a moment. "Damn thing's still on the fritz. I can't find the folder."

"It should be under G-A-P for Grade A Plan."

"Well it's not so we're just going to have to come up with one ourselves." They both groaned. It was one thing to say that with enthusiasim and optimisim...it was another to undertake it with those things. Still they had to try...
---------------------------

So what's the plan?

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What do the Grimm's want?
Rillis and Ree as trophies?
20%
 20%  [ 1 ]
Forbbiden Fey Power Index?
20%
 20%  [ 1 ]
To rule a small third world nation?
60%
 60%  [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 5
Who Voted: Chinaren, Masterweaver, Smudger

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