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PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If it makes you feel any better, I would have voted for torture had I got here in time.
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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2007 2:34 pm    Post subject: Bloodline: Chapter 9 - One Last Howl Reply with quote

And the long-awaited Chapter 9 has arrived! This chapter has been a real toughy to type. But be forewarned! The next chapter is almost half-written as we speak!. This kind of a wait won't happen again anytime soon.

Enjoy!


Chapter 9: One Last Howl

He smiled and ran his finger alongside my cheek, letting it slide on my neck and shoulder. “You aren’t promised to another are you?” Veltan asked, stepping slightly behind me and resting his hand on the back of my neck.

“Um..” was all I could manage as his warm breath ran over my neck when he pressed his lips to it.

“Didn’t think so.” Veltan responded. I coyly reached for his hand and led him off towards one of the magnificent stables where the horses of the highest breed and quality were kept.

One of the stalls was empty and full of clean hay. I pulled him in after me and pressed my body close to his. Veltan slipped one of his hands in the slit of the dress as I slipped his shirt off and pressed my lips into the crook of his neck.

I pulled away for a moment. “Tell me the way to the Circle,”

Veltan ran his tongue from the bottom of my jaw down my neck to my collarbone. “Take the path you came here on out about a mile until it forks. Going on the right fork will take you back the way you came. The left will take you to Turstin, another powerful empire on this side of the world. The middle fork will lead you to a path marked with pieces of blue fabric on the trees and bushes. That will lead you to the circle of stones, your Circle of Gaia.” He explained this very rapidly.

I pressed my lips to his and we both fell onto the floor; I found myself straddling him when the sound of a bucket dropping brought us crashing back to reality. A stable boy stared for a moment longer then took off running towards the palace.

“Uh-oh,” Veltan muttered, pulling himself together.

“Uh-oh, what?” I asked, putting on the uncomfortable shoes that I had slipped off a moment before and smoothing any telltale fly-aways in my hair.

He seemed to be all business now and also looked a little worried. “Listen, all hell is about to break loose. I forgot to tell you that, well I..” Veltan stopped, sighed, and bowed his head in shame. “ I am engaged to a woman from Turstin. My father arranged it when I was a boy.”

I froze. “ Veltan, I hope for your sake, that you are joking.”

He shook his head. “ If I want to get out of that marriage, I would have to be married to someone else before this spring.”

“So, I come along and you see me as an easy way out?” I stated, my voice deathly low but steady.

Veltan put his hand on my shoulder. “Well, ...... you make it sound so sinister.”

I snapped. I grabbed him by the throat and held him up against the wall. He managed to pry my fingers off and grabbed me around the waist and flipped me around so I was against the wall. The impact knocked the breath out of me and I couldn’t move. Veltan took this as a sign of submission and bent low to kiss me.

My lungs were screaming for air but Veltan had me pinned so I couldn’t move. I could hear three sets of familiar footsteps approaching; one light and swift, another heavy and solid, and a final set that sounded as if they were gliding across the floor.

They stopped suddenly and there was silence for a heartbeat. Then Veltan was on the floor and I was gasping like a fish out of water for breath. Tobias had his sword drawn and it’s wicked blade was centimeters from Veltan’s jugular. Shoren and Connor watched as I got my breathing under control.

Care to explain how this came about? Shoren’s voice sounded slightly irritated but mostly bemused.

I looked away. Not really. I tried getting the location out of him the easy way and it backfired. Plain and simple.

I’ll say it backfired. Don’t worry, he’ll tell us one way or another. Shoren turned to face Connor. “Get her out of this damned city. Tobias and I will meet you at the main gates and we will go from there.”

Veltan leapt to his feet and kicked Tobias’s feet out from under him. “ No! Lilith stays here or the whole force of the Jaden empire will be upon the survivors from the Alt lands taking refuge here,” he snarled.

I stood, throughly pissed now. “How dare you threaten my people! You are scum, without duty nor pride for your own people!” I pushed Connor and Shoren both out of the way and backhanded Veltan across the face.

Shouts of anger and rage were heard just outside the stable. “Come out, harlot! Release our Prince Veltan from your bewitchment!” was said by a voice that sounded very close to a drunken King Arcon.

“Shit!” I cursed, helping Tobias to his feet and nodding to the other two, a signal that it was time to go.

Veltan rushed out of the stall and the stable, knocking me over in the process and nicking my shoulder with a blade he had hidden on his wrist.

“Damn it!” I snapped, clutching my wound.

“Come on, I have a feeling that we should get out of here,” Connor warned, his eyes returning to their all-black natural state. He ripped a bit of fabric from the hem of the gown I wore and tied my shoulder, while Shoren and Tobias watched for people rushing into the stables.

“The horses will find their way out! Burn the wench who tried to win me away from our alliance with Turstin!” I heard Veltan cry. The boys rushed out of the stable to check it out while I got a grip and straightened myself up.

After a moment or so I smelled smoke and heard the rush of eager, hungry flames licking at the dry hay. Smoke soon filled the stables and the sound of whinnying horses and heavy coughing began to fill my ears.

“Shoren! Tobias! Connor! I can’t see you! Where are you?” I had started to wander in and out of the aisles and stalls, my vision extremely reduced by the smoke. Something pulled me down by my foot; it was Shoren in his wolf form.

You okay? His voice in my mind was still as protective and as brotherly as ever.

I nodded and started coughing and wheezing but I managed, “Where are Connor and Tobias?”

I sent Connor and Tobias on out. Tobias, being human, can only stay in these kind of conditions for so long. Same as you. Shoren motioned me to follow him to an exit in a wall nearby.

The exit was nearly surrounded in flames, flames that were starving for tinder, their next meal. Shoren gave me a shove and as he prepared to jump after me, a rafter from the ceiling finally gave way and collapsed on him.

“NO! SHOREN!” I screamed, scrambling toward his compressed form.

The rafter had caught him around the middle, just below his last ribs. He gave me one last look and closed those blue-green eyes for the last time. He let out a long and loud howl, releasing all the pain he had been through from those sharp, canine teeth. And then his head fell gently to the ground with a soft thud, a sound that seemed to resonate through my body as memories of all the times Shoren had protected me, been a big brother to me, awoke afresh in my mind.

When I first met him and Selene, he had been the first to show me the basics of fighting; all the times he had bested me and then came over to help me up and show me my mistake. And then, staying by my side through all the trials of the journey my mother had set me on.

And now he’s gone. And it’s all your fault. He is dead because of you. If he hadn’t come back to save you, he would still be alive.

I scrambled over to Tobias and Connor, guilt tearing into every fiber of my being. “Shoren...he’s been .... crushed... rafter.. fell!” I coughed out, tears welling up in my eyes as I fell to the ground beside Tobias, sobs wracking my body. I rolled onto my back, breathing in the fresh air, coughing alternating between my sobbing gasps. Tobias was sitting on the grass, coughing heavily as well, while Connor made himself useful as a scout.

When he returned, the both of us were nearly finished with our coughing fits. “ The building is still burning and it’ll take a couple of days for it to cool down enough for them to search for the bones.” I shuddered visibly, nearly vomiting when I thought of whose bones they would be searching for.

*sniffs* How sad. Now for your DP. Do we press on to the Circle of Gaia? Do we give up and go home? Do we go back and beat Veltan to a bloody pulp? Do we sit there and bawl our eyes out for eternity?

You decide!
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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2007 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HAHAHA! in all of your cliche-loving faces! Good one lilith.
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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2007 3:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*takes a bow to the sound of tumultous applause*

alphaJackal wrote:
HAHAHA! in all of your cliche-loving faces!


Just giving the audience, what they wanted!

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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2007 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shocked Sad
Yeah... that's technically what everyone asked for, I guess.

Oh well, she has the location of the Circle. Leaving would be a good option.
Everyone is just going to die if they try to take on the entire kingdom, which is what will happen if they try to kill Veltan or stick around for him to make up more imaginative accusations for them to face.
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 4:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 4:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good, Lilith! Very Happy

Yes, on to the circle, I think.
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 8:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I was going to say "On to the circle", but then I noticed everyone else did, so I propose swift vengeance instead.
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*crosses her arms and frowns* Well, in my defense, I didn't ask for that! And I have proff *waves her voting ballet around defiantly*

Well. Serves those dirty little minds right anyway.

*Stomps foot and waves fingers at the general city of If before semi-regaining her compusore*

Anywho, onward to the City of Gia. We don't want Shoren's Death to be even do we?

Then once we accomplish the nice little prophesy, we can chase after Veltan *why Can't there be one Nice guy who has all the good looks, just One!* and then beat his puny pretty boy head into pulp after intensive and well timed political and physical turtore.

*smiles nastily* In case you haven't noticed I take to kindly to guys who try to kill girls they just suduced, willing or not. Just do Veltran a favor, and keep far far away from me and my collection of daggers.
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2007 4:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stupid prince. You don't give out the information until after "payment" has been given. Mad

~Sighs~ Anyway, I have to f5 most of the others. Go and seek out the circle.
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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2007 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Time to put your money where your mouth is! Vote, people!
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PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2007 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I voted!!!
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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2007 9:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And who says seduction doesnt work??? (seems to work every time thats why us guys get sucked into it) since veltran violated his pact of his marriage he screwed anyways so kicking his ass is not an option anyways. hell with that ON TO THE CIRCLE!!!!!!
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i cant believe shoren is dead ...how sad...although i must say this is a really good story lily and i really like it alot keep up the good work!
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Remember Kryptikangel, like it or not, this is war. Shoren was a powerful ally and a good friend and now his life is over. Such is the causalties of war. But the worst has not yet come to pass. Pain, sacrifice, and grief are all a part of this. Keep this in mind.

And I thankies for the compliment.
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PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 5:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack. *beats away RL with a stick* lol. Sorry I'm a bit late all. Lily dearest, you know what i would do........RIP THE BASTARD'S HEART OUT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 5:40 pm    Post subject: Bloodline: Chapter 10 - The Stone Circle Reply with quote

Here you are! Hot off the word processor!

Chapter 10: The Stone Circle

“It would be wise for us to move now. Your friend died a death worthy of a king. Let him be remembered by you; don’t let his sacrifice be in vain.” Connor suggested, squatting down until he was eye level with me. Tobias stood and held out his arm to help me up. I took it somewhat reluctantly, and took a deep, shuddering breath.

Silently and in unison, Tobias and I made a salute to the smoke rising into the sky, a salute to our friend as he moved from one plane of existence to the next.

Tobias turned to me. “Well, where to next?” I sighed and began to lead the way towards the exit of the city.

“We need to go out the way we came in but we need to take the middle fork a mile outside the city instead of to the right. Then we follow the blue flags until we get to the stone circle, the Circle of Gaia.” I replied, still feeling the guilt of Shoren’s death.

Tobias placed a hand on my shoulder; this time I did not flinch away as he whispered, “It’s not your fault; Shoren would be proud that you are pressing on.”

We made it past the main gates without incident; it seemed everyone was reveling in the burning stable. The sun dipped ever lower as Connor, Tobias, and I reached the forked road and took the middle path; we traversed until the light became too dark to see the blue pieces of fabric on the trees and bushes. We stopped to rest and I took the first watch; I was perched on the branch of a tree overlooking both Connor and Tobias.

Gradually, the night began to take its toll on my weary eyelids and I must have fallen asleep. When I opened my eyes, dawn was breaking and I was on the ground, curled up under a warm blanket. I rolled over and looked for Tobias and Connor; Connor was approaching swiftly from my left but Tobias was nowhere to be found.

“Connor, where’s Tobias?” I queried, getting up and getting ready to go.

“No clue. He covered you up after you fell out of the tree; about an hour ago he left and said he was going for a walk. I have not seen him since.” Connor replied, standing beside me, watching me.

Within the next few seconds, several things happened at once. Someone emerged from the bushes to my left, Connor wrapped his arm around me and held a knife to my throat, another person approached us from my right.

To my left, Tobias had returned from his walk, looking stunned and immediately hid himself from sight after catching my eye and giving me a nod; on my right, the demon queen approached slowly and purposefully as Connor turned towards her.

“Mother, have I done well?” he asked, in an almost childish voice, begging for approval.

“Yes, my boy. You have done very well. This girl has been a thorn in my side for far too long.” Valara responded, a smile crossing her face as she stared me down.

I struggled and attempted to throw Connor off, but he had caught me off guard an held me fast. “I should have known better. Demons are never to be trusted, half or not.” I spat at Connor.

He shrugged. “What can I say? Like mother, like son.” Connor quipped. “Mother, she knows where the stone circle is. She can lead us there.”

Valara’s features grew rigid. “She does, does she? And did I not tell you under no circumstances was she ever to find out? You were supposed to find it and prevent her from ever reaching it ” She strode over and backhanded her son with such force that he lost his grip on me and I threw him off.

My heart was beating wildly; the demon queen fixed her gaze on me as Tobias crept behind her unseen. We locked gazes and all hell broke loose. He jumped her from behind, and rammed his elbow into the base of her skull. Valara fell to the ground, shocked and possibly unconscious as Tobias and I took off running at a breakneck speed.

We raced across rocky terrain, trees and bushes guarding our way forward and back; one false move and we could go tumbling down a sharp, stony overhang and be dashed on the rocks in the river down below in a ravine.

“Thanks, again.” I puffed, turning and twisting along the treacherous trail that the blue pieces of fabric marked out.

“Not a problem. Just wish you could keep yourself out of trouble for a couple hours.” Tobias grinned; not matter how much peril we were in, he could always find a joke to make.

“And where’s the fun in that?” I quipped back.

We slowed as a hill appeared in the distance, a ring of tall stones sitting atop it, crowning the hill; the fabric pieces had ended and so had the path.

“So, that’s it then. This is the end of the line.” I stated softly, scanning the hill with a trained eye. The stones were arranged an a peculiar fashion, some standing straight up, some on their sides; still others were leaned against another so they laid diagonal to the ground, yet they were balanced and gave the impression that over the years, they would never fall.

“Well, come on then. You don’t think you’re going to have all the fun by yourself, do you?” Tobias urged, laughter in his voice.
We trekked up the steep hill, ignoring the spiral path that wound its way around it and going straight up to the summit. When I stepped inside the ring, I felt immediately why the stones were placed here and in such strange ways.

This is an ancient place, a sacred place. Old power flows through this land. I jerked my head up, looking for the source of the voice I had just heard, but Tobias and I were the only ones there, and Tobias had not said a word.

“This place is a place of power. Lines of power in the land converge on this point but long ago, a great battle dislodged some of the stones and they fell in such away so that even fallen, they could channel the power to the center stone.” As soon as I uttered these words, I knew they were true. I didn’t know how, I just knew.

“And how do you know that? You never -“ Tobias began.

“ ‘Paid attention in history.’ I know, I know already I don’t know how I know, I just know.” I replied, irritated slightly.

Stay away from the altar in the center. It is not time, not yet. The timing must be right.

I unfurled my wings, feeling the need to shake off a case of the creeps that was starting to overcome me. I wandered throughout the circle, avoiding the center stone at all costs.

“What are you doing?” Tobias queried, watching my strange behavior and following the path I made around and through the stones.

“I can’t go near that big stone in the center. Not yet, anyway.” My voice sounded different, still mine but something else too. I felt a gentle throbbing beneath my feet; the power lines in the land wove around the stones in the same path that I was walking. The land was waking up, surging with new energy and life and ushering growing things along their way.

By the time the sun was high in the sky, the air inside the circle of stones was charged with so much power that it seemed to waver and shimmer when one looked at it.

“Lilith, what did you do?” Tobias’s voice seemed to quiver a bit and I looked up from my feet.

I gasped; I had spent the whole time concentrating on my feet that I had not noticed the growing power inside the circle. “I didn’t .. I wasn’t ... ugh.” I smacked the palm of my head across my forehead in frustration. The time draws near as the darkness approaches. I looked around again, searching in vain for the source of the voice.

“Tobias, I think you should find somewhere safe to be.... this is my battle, and mine alone.” I stated, an ominous feeling growing in my chest.

“Too late,” he replied as he took up a defensive stance, jerking his head in the direction of the approaching queen and company; they hadn’t spotted us yet.

Valara was livid, anger poured off of her in waves making all around her uneasy and fearful.

I had no other choice. I hit Tobias in the back of the head with the hilt of my sword and dragged him off into the safety of trees and hid him underneath some brush. “Forgive me, but this is the only way. Someone has to lead the survivors of the Alt lands back home and begin anew.” I kissed him once, and swiped away a tear with the back of my hand as I flew back to the hill and the circle. Valara was waiting for me.

“That little jaunt cost you, little wings. You had the upper hand but you threw it away for what? Some boy?” She laughed, a sound that made me grind my teeth.

“That is none of your concern, Valara.” I stood my ground, glaring at her with pure hatred and fury rising from my heart.

I struck first with a solid blow from my fist to her cheek. Valara looked shocked but recovered herself quickly and lashed out with a furious kick to my stomach. I grunted in pain but I grabbed her foot and gave it a quick twist and was rewarded with a sickening snap. Valara gave a shriek of rage and launched herself towards me, her hands outstretched, broken foot forgotten. She wrapped her hands around my throat and gave them a good squeeze. I brought my knee to her abdomen in retaliation and she let go.

That was close, I need to end this, soon. The prophecy mentioned bringing together the four elements. Think, idiot, think! I rubbed my throat while keeping my eyes on Valara, who was standing up and preparing to strike.

That’s it! The rubble I had to dig Tobias out of ... Earth. The swim to the entrance of Regent... Water. That first flight when I escaped Valara’s fortress... Air. The fire that Shoren saved me from.... Fire. All of my life’s experiences. That’s it!

Suddenly Valara disappeared into black particles. Uh-oh, not good! I looked around wildly but stopped when I felt a strong grip on my wings. I felt her rancid breath on my ear as she gripped my wings tightly.

“Let’s see how cocky you are without these. I wonder, the legends say an Eldahar without wings is a pitiful sight indeed.” A heartbeat passed. And then another. Valara gripped both of my wings at the base and gave a sharp pull.... a sound like a bone being crushed rang out along with my scream of pain as my wings were wrenched from my back. I fell forward to the ground, my chest heaving.

I could feel my blood pumping out of the wounds in my back, a throbbing pain to accompany it as well. Valara stood over me, a grin playing across her features as she watched me battle the pain. “Well, well, now. I see that you are quite a different person when you have no wings, aren’t you?” She chuckled heartily and dismissed her army with a wave of her hand.

I saw my moment of opportunity when she turned away and put my hand into a puddle of my own blood. I reached up and grabbed Valara by the throat. I stood up, and literally carried Valara by the throat to the center stone. Her surprise soon turned to rage and as I threw her onto the stone, she began to writhe and claw at my arm.

“I will no allow you to leave this place alive, Valara! Your reign of tyranny over the Alt lands is over!” I concentrated on those four experiences that brought me to where I was and soon, I felt a power coursing through me. I channeled it through my hand and into the stone, where Valara was still writhing. The runes on the stone began to glow as my blood dripped on it and Valara became fearful. She knew what the stone was going to do to her.

Light blasted out of the stone and gripped Valara tightly to it; she was bound to it. She was pulled into the stone, and as the runes that held her activated, they turned black. The light still poured out of the stone and obliterated any person with demon blood into a pile of ashes.

As the light dissipated, I collapsed onto the stone, my vision blurring from the blood loss. I fell to the ground as a figure that I could not make out approached...... and all went black.

******************************************************************************

I woke with a start in a bed that was adorned in crisp, clean white bedsheets.

“Ah,” I grunted as the throbbing pain in my back returned. I looked at myself and found my whole upper body bound in bandages while my lower portion was clad in a pair of loose-fitting pants.

I looked around the room I was in; a small room, whitewashed walls with just a bed and a dresser to decorate. “Where in the hell am I?” I wondered aloud, nothing clicking in my memory. The oaken door opened and in walked...

Alright, this is all you! You have two questions to answer. 'Where the hell am I?' and 'Who is coming in the door?'
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love it!!!! I can't believe Connor did that though!!!!

As for the two questions, I have to think on them.
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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Indeed. Good chapter Lil. I also need to ponder what comes next though.
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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2007 11:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brilliant Story Lili! Too me hours of reading to catch up but then I was dissapointed 'cos there was no more to read.

You know what I really want to happen? I want Shoren to come through the door because he somehow escaped the fire. But that might ruin the story...

The first thing that came to my mind was that Tobias woke up when it was all over and took Lilith to Turstin and to a hospital.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Instict tells me it's Tobias, but curiousity and some insane sense of humor moves be to suggest another option.

How about the return of Prince Not-so-charming? A group of men would have surely followed her and perhaps saw the battle.

Now the prince has saved Lilth just to exact his revenge for what she did to his 'pride'.

So I suggest that she is in the palace, and Prince You-hate-his-guts-but-man-is-he-Cute is walking into the door to taunt poor Lilth and to annouce her trail.

Things could get interesting from there I expect.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like that idea. It would make the story even more suspenseful than it already is
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's why this DP is so important Zephyr...

You guys could have the safe wrap-up scene if you like and end the story there..

But in the other hand, there is still the Alt lands that need to be rebuilt and there could be a war breaking out between them and Jaden. The survivors are still under Jaden's care. Hmm... how complicated.. hmm...

But if you want to end it all romance and sappy *gag me* go ahead.

EDIT: Forgot to add that the ritual/spell that bound the demon queen to the stone could have reciprocated effects on our heroine. Which may lead to other problems..

There is actually alot of play with this area at the moment.. but it all rests in your fingers, audience..
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It can't end yet Sad

1) It's a good story which can still go on. It'll be a shame to lock it up so soon.
2) You can't have a happy, lovy dovy ending with (as I think Din was basically saying) Mr Super-duper-WRONG!
3)And anyway, if I'm not mistaken the prophecy mantioned something about her dying? Not saying she can't escape that bit, but at least come really close and struggle to get away from it.
4) What about Tobias?

Laughing Is that enough reasons to keep going? Very Happy

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 5:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GOD DAMNIT ZEPHYR! WHY CAN'T YOU KEEP YOUR BLOODY MOUTH SHUT!


(oopise. losted my temper didn't I?)

Anyhoot, you weren't supposed to be impressed with her in the first place! And now Big Daddy's awake (Valara was his favorite and only heir). Why is it when I have something up my sleeve, somebody decides to think of it! Mad
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

But I do have two more cards to play up my sleeve...

One for the way the story (if it continues) is now..

And another that I just thought of that would throw everyone on their arses... muahahahahaha... I love being me..

So what have we got so far?

Tobias and Turstin
Veltan and Jaden

Anyone think of maybe one of the survivors from the city and back home? Or someone totally new? (which would change story around and around) Or .. *is dragged away with her babbling incoherently falling on deaf ears*
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lilith wrote:
Why is it when I have something up my sleeve, somebody decides to think of it! Mad


Dont give it away if somebody hits the nail on the head too early! Very Happy

Excellent chapter. I haven't a clue what ideas to offer for a DP though. Except run the plot a little deeper - dont end it just yet...

Cool
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, interesting story Lilith. It took me forever to finally finish reading it (RL is such an annoying intrusion on the creative process) but wow I'm impressed.

The few criticisms I can offer are:

1) the the story seems really rushed. You have interesting characters with their own motivations and a neat world for them to run around in. Take your time letting the story unfold. A fast pace is good at times, it adds action and suspence, but it has to contrast with slower parts of the story.

and 2) for future villains, flesh them out. A story is as much about the villains as it is about the heroes. In some stories the villain takes the center stage, who is the movie Return of the Jedi about? Luke or Anakin? Although Mr. Lucas took things a little far in the end.

Anyways, about the DP, I say the room is a vision and in walks Selene and Shoren, followed by her Father and Mother. But then this happy little scene is torn apart by a monsterous version of Derek, or Connor, or even Valara. Then Lilith wakes up in the stone circle covered in her own blood and realizes that it isn't over.

Just a thought. Very Happy

Keep up the good work, I was very disappointed at the idea of this neat story just ending like an old Star Trek episode.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!!
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shame, shame, shame. You disappoint me, readers. I leave and and return... and I still have a tie.. shame, shame, shame. Mad Mad

Oh well. Here we go with the next chappy. Keep your eyes peeled for it. Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been gone for so long and only missed two chapters? huh.....I expected to miss like four or five! lol! oh well.......it can't end Sis. It just can't. I like you not so secret plot. I can wait to se what your literary geniusness comes up with next!!!
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you ever played 'Arc the lad: twilight of spirits', the wing ripping reminds me of the "A drakker who can't fly, is a drakker who can die [insert darc's scream of pain here]" scene.

Well I caught up, and with my attention, OOOOOOH SHINEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 12:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Liana wrote:
I've been gone for so long and only missed two chapters? huh.....I expected to miss like four or five!


*looks ashamed* I know.... , I know..

Sasuke wrote:

Well I caught up, and with my attention, OOOOOOH SHINEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Crap. I am typing slower these days.. expect a new chappy or at least part of a new chappy soon.. I get something typed up and then I look it over and decide it's crap.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Forgive me for the long break. Here we go!

Chapter 11: The Truth Revealed (part one)

...no one.

“Huh?” I said aloud, the sound reverberating as the heavy oak door swung freely. I made to get up but a hand on my chest thrust out to stop me. I snapped my head to look at who the hand belonged to. It belonged to a man with green eyes, dirty blonde hair, and a small proud smile. I stopped moving and stared at him curiously. He was a fighter from the old days, armor and weapons in an old fashioned style yet made of high quality.

“Well, then. I suppose it was only a matter of time before we met, little one.” He stated, shattering the silence with an weary-sounding voice.

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say or think. “Um... do I.... know you?” I managed, surreptitiously pulling the sheet up and wrapping it around me.

He noticed this slight movement and sighed. “Now, do you really think I would harm my own daughter?”

I gasped, dumbstruck, as a familiar figure coalesced from mist beside him. I knew this figure already, hair like mine, red as fire and silver eyes. Except this time she was angry.

“Cormack! You should not have come here!” She shouted, grasping him by the shoulder and wrenching him around to face her.

“Elian?” He whispered, reaching out to touch her cheek.

She slapped him across the face. “How dare you touch me? After all of the deceit, the lies, the betrayal?”

He held his struck cheek and looked at her incredulously. “Is this about Lady Katherine of Nementon?”

I widened my eyes at the mention of Selene and Shoren’s mother. “What the hell is going on here? ” I exclaimed. “I am sick of being in the dark! Tell me the truth!”

Elian breathed deeply, attempting to quell her anger. “Lilith, this man, your birth father, is the very same man who was married to the Lady Katherine of Nementon, my best friend from childhood. She and I met when somehow, she managed to stumble into Regent in her wolf form by accident. I helped her home and she swore that we would see each other again.” Elian paused for a moment and allowed this new information to sink in. “That was when we were 12. I went out of Regent only once after that, many years later and I ran into trouble. Cormack pulled me out of it and well,..... let’s just say I was very grateful for it. When I learned that he was a leader of a city in dire need of help, I told him that my people could help.” She glared at him. “What he didn’t say was that he was the leader by marriage to Katherine!”

“Wha... uh...” I was throughly confused now but something clicked in my head. “Wait a minute. Am I related to Shoren and Selene, then? Through him?” I pointed at Cormack, understanding slowly what had happened in the past.

Elian closed her eyes and looked away. “Yes.”

Cormack sunk his head in shame and refused to met my eyes.

“But that is barely the beginning of his deception and betrayal... there is much more to the story.” Elian spoke with conviction and glared at Cormack once more.

I sat back and awaited the rest of the tale.

“You wonder what destroyed the rest of the Eldahars? It was him. I let him into Regent to see my home after I knew I carried you and what did he do? He slaughtered them all!” She was nearly shouting now, emotions running deep and unchecked. “Tell her the truth, lecher! Admit it!” She whirled on him in a furious rage, her accusing tone and pointing finger singling him out as he stood straighter and spoke.

“Elian speaks the truth. I killed all of the Eldahars...and then I went after her. Except your mother managed to kill me first and bind my soul to that wretched tree and charge my soul with guarding Regent.” Cormack returned Elian’s glare.

“Why? Why did you hate that place?” I asked quietly, curiosity overcoming reason.

Cormack, my father, licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak. Then he shut it again and cleared his throat. “I didn’t hate that place.. I hated the Eldahars. They shouldn’t have been given such a gift to squander. Regent’s magic should have been used in the war to help us beat the demons back, not as a paradise where the Eldahars could sit back and watch!” His countenance became dark and livid with fury. Then he rounded on Elian. “And you! You swore to help me! You swore that you would make them see reason! That they would help us win!”

“I said that they could help you, I didn’t say that they would! I had no control over them! And then you killed them all!” Elian retorted. She gasped as a bright shot of light pierced her chest and took on the form of a silvery chain. It tugged on her, pulling her downward.

Her eyes widened and she whispered, “No, he’s awakened!”

I was up and standing now and rushed to her. “Who? Who’s awakened?” I queried, grasping her arm tightly.

“Listen carefully, Lilith. This is far from over. With Valara gone, he can use you to rise again and walk the earthly plane, terrorizing and killing all who oppose him.” She looked at me desperately, her silver eyes burning into mine. “Swear to me you will finish what I did not and release the ties that bind.”

“What are you talking about? Who will rise again? What did you not finish, what ties? I want some straight answers!” I was nearly screaming at her now, my voice rising as Cormack faded into nothingness... his voice a soft whisper in my ear.

“Fear nothing, for fear will be your enemy.”

Elian had begun to fade as well. “Swear it! Swear..”
**************************************************

Sorry folks but that's the first half of the chapter. The second half should be up soon enough.... Hey, it was your fault for making a tie! You've made your bed, now sleep in it. While I am working on the second half, feel free to speculate and comment on this "vision" 3 of you so badly wanted. *walks out grumbling, "3! That's it! Just 3 of them.. grrrr"*
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Last edited by Lilith on Mon Aug 06, 2007 3:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heh heh, my fault, I was putting of voting for a while. And when I came back to vote, it was closed. Shocked
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*looks innocently at the storming Lilth* It wasn't my fault that I was one of the first to vote and thus preventing me from breaking a tie that later accured without my knowledge or consent. Now is it dear?

Now take three really deep breaths. Drink some tea. And come see me in the morning. I think I still may have a punch bag around here somewhere from my 'I swear I was once in shape' days.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

To hell with tea! Samuel Jackson! Do what tastes right! or something like that...
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very, very good. I didn't really expect this last bit...

And to think i was originally going to scold you for killing off Valara too early! Smile

I missed the poll, too...
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