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Phantomfan
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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:29 am Post subject: |
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| Syranore wrote: | | Just to throw things off, i say that she breaks into a musical number detailing her journey. |
Um... thanks?
I don't know if that would really work for the rest of the story... but what the heck, why not.
Any other suggestions?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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In some stories the power of the phantom is belief.
If she believes the phantom is non-corporeal, then it can do her no harm, however if she believe it to be a danger then here own mind would cause the damage.
Or this mussing could be non-since, since in your world the phantom is very corporeal.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| SerriaFox wrote: | | Or this mussing could be non-since, since in your world the phantom is very corporeal. |
Sort of... basically, the phantom was kind of inspired, and can go from immaterial to material in a moments notice.
The sword, however, (as with any other weapons) tends to be material almost all of the time, and turning it back immaterial is a lot of work.
Thanks for the suggestion though, it was a cool thought.
Any others?
(come on, I really don't want to make this "The Orb; the musical")
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Adalia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:17 am Post subject: |
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Tell a partial truth. Give a vague overview of how you got there, then you still somewhat protect yourself.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:33 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Adalia!
Alright, so we have
Tell the entire
"sing" the truth
Tell a partial truth
Not a very interesting dp, I know.
Any more thoughts?
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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...
Normally i would say NO. BAD SNORE. NO MUSICAL NUMBERS.
But i am in a goofy mood, soo...
YAY MUSICAL NUMBERS!!!!!!!!!!
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:38 am Post subject: |
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Alright all, poll is up!
Come check it out!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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Poll will remain open for 2 more days...
Get your votes in!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:00 am Post subject: |
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Hey Phantom. I just wanted to tell you, like I promised, I am making in through your SG. I was going to post a crit, but I felt that it wasn't really necessary for the prologue seeing as how that's old news compared to the rest of it. Anyways--just wanted to tell you I loved the description of the "crystal ball"--mainly the "just color until she could focus it" and the phantom! Hot. I'll keep reading, don't you worry  .
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks Fath!
And poll is closed!
Results;
Attempt to fight her way out
14%
14% [ 1 ]
Tell the Phantom the entire story
0%
0% [ 0 ]
Break out into a musical number detailing her journey
28%
28% [ 2 ]
Tell a partial truth to protect herself
42%
42% [ 3 ]
Authors space (Do NOT vote here please!)
14%
14% [ 1 ]
Thanks to all who voted!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUSICAL NUMBER!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
SO close.
*sob*
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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ssssSSSSSsssssss. The Head Eater loves musicalsssSSss, neverthelesssSSss, this ssssSSsstory and author have proved their worthynessssSSSsss. Ensure it remainsssSSss so, or I will be back for your head.
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Heads.
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:58 am Post subject: |
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Congratulations Phan. The promotion of your first story game!
As always, I look forward to whatever is coming next.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:56 am Post subject: |
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YAY FOR PHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:52 am Post subject: |
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| CONGRATULATIONS!!
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zahark
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:31 am Post subject: |
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hey phan! I love the story so far and I have to agree with lil on the sword. Love your descriptions. The phantom is very interesting, mabey you could have it become a friend to her after she gets out of trubble.
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And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
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I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:13 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the congratulations, everyone.
I somehow managed to write this next chapter in two different notebooks- one of which I currently do not have with me. So, I will be posting this chapter in two parts, one of which I have right here.
Enjoy!!
Chapter 4, Part One
“Who are you?” The Phantom repeated, nearly bellowing in Aria’s ear.
“M-m-my name is Aria,” she choked out, thoughts flying wildly about. “I-I’m a peddler, and my caravan is outside, waiting-” She broke off as the Phantom shoved its sword even closer to her neck, pressing against the skin.
“Don’t lie,” the Phantom hissed. “Aria is not a peddler’s name, and there are no wagons outside, nor will there ever be.” It brought its ever-changing face closer to Aria’s, piercing black eyes boring into her own. She found herself transfixed by the gaze, unable to look away. The eyes seemed to draw her in until she was falling into their endless depths- only to be halted by a strong set of hands. These… hands pulled her out of the blackness, jolting her back to her own body. The Phantom’s eyes widened in surprise and hesitated before backing away slightly, fixing Aria with a calculating stare. As she felt the sword leave her neck, Aria heaved a sigh of relief but kept her eyes trained on the weapon in its hands.
“And…yet…I cannot reach into your mind…” the Phantom seemed surprised, still staring at Aria. She tried to return the stare, but was unable to match the unblinking ferocity and looked away.
After a long, uncomfortable silence in which Aria did her best not to move, the Phantom sighed and looked away.
“I do not know who you really are, or why you are here. However, I do sense a kind of familiarity about you… one that is keeping me from harming you.” It seemed to have settled on the permanent shape of a small dragon, though Aria could see some wavering patches along its body, almost like a tail or horns trying to break free. Tearing her eyes away from its intimidating shape, Aria slowly pulled herself away from the wall, though still remaining a comfortable distance away from the Phantom. She tried to speak, to ask what it meant by ‘familiarity’, only to find her mouth to dry to form words. The Phantom glanced back up at her, as if sensing her hesitation. It smiled- a slightly disturbing sight to see on a dragon, and changed to the much less frightening shape of a man, garbed in villager’s clothing. The only odd thing that remained now was the sword it still held in its hand, and its color… Aria squinted. It was like looking through fog- the color was present, but indistinct and tainted slightly silver.
“Fear not, for I harbor no ill will towards you.” The Phantom spoke again, its voice no longer as loud and discordant as before, though it still reminded Aria of a bunch of different people speaking in perfect unison. “I will cause you no harm. You may speak if you so wish.”
“What… what are you?” squeaked Aria.
“A phantom.” It replied. “A spirit, a collector of forms and bodies.” And with that, the phantom shaped itself into an exact replica of Aria. She jumped back in surprise, then stepped forwards very slowly, the phantom mimicking her movements until it felt like she was looking into a foggy mirror. As if in a trance, she slowly raised her hand in front of her, watching the phantom’s hand pass through it. Like putting my hand in icy water, Aria thought dimly. Time seemed to freeze for an instant, both Aria and the phantom watching as ripples seemed to spread from their touching hands outwards through its body. Aria pulled her hand away, and watched as the phantom reshaped itself into a kind of elderly woman, who then resumed talking.
“One,” it continued, “that has existed since the beginning of time, serving as the protector of the sightseers and companion of the Tion.”
Aria interrupted, confused. “But the Tion are gone… destroyed over 15 years ago…” The fall of the Tion, protectors of the royal family, had led to the fall of the royal family and the rise of Menrik and his Council of the Greater Good…
“Yes.” The Phantom’s eyes flashed with anger as its body formed into a kind of big cat with curved fangs that reached down to its neck and it crouched down, as if in preparation to tackle and kill. “That scum, Menrik, was the one who betrayed Lyron and the others, sending them all to their deaths.” It growled deep in its throat, sending Aria scurrying back to the wall.
“W… what?” exclaimed Aria. That certainly was not the story that she knew. “I thought Menrik was the one who tried to save the Tion…”
It growled even louder and crouched lower to the floor. “No. Menrik destroyed the Tion, and the Sightseers in the process.”
She shook her head in frustration. “I’m sorry, but you are making no sense at all. Could you please tell the truth about Menrik and… and the sightseers and… and you?”
Startled at the anger in Aria’s voice, it looked up at her. After a few moments, it nodded, saying, “Yes, I will tell you the truth. I suppose that Menrik has silenced everyone who really knew the truth… However, I will only do so if you then tell me who you are, and why you are here.” Aria hesitated a bit longer, unsure if telling it about her was a good idea, then curiosity overcame her and she nodded her consent. The Phantom glanced out the window and resumed its random shifting, as if collecting its thoughts. Aria tentatively walked forward and sat on the bed, still watching the Phantom cautiously. After a few minutes of silence, it turned back to face Aria, eyes never wavering from her face though it’s body continued to randomly shift.
end of part one
Now I do realize there is no dp as of yet, but there will be one when part 2 comes. Still, all comments are appreciated- thanks!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 5:59 am Post subject: |
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Bah, I catch up, and you don't have a DP! ~shakes fist~
Sorry I missed the last one.
Anyway. Waiting.
Nice chapter btw.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:58 pm Post subject: |
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good job.
*is waiting impatiently for the next part*
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zahark
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| Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 7:29 am Post subject: |
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I'll be waiting for the next part. and this time I'll vote
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Krystal Latiana
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| Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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*Just sat down and read the whole thing* Haha...The Orb: the Musical... 
Anyway, I'm loving it so far. Keep it up! 
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:28 am Post subject: |
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Sorry for the delay, but part two is finally up! Enjoy!
Chapter 4, Part Two
“Very well.” The Phantom said. “What would you like to know? And before you ask a question, I must tell you that I am obliged to answer any question completely and truthfully, so if you ask anything, be prepared for a long answer.”
“Well, I… I guess the first thing I’d like to know is what you meant by you being the ‘protector of the Sightseers.’” Aria stammered, confidence returning little by little.
The phantom seemed to think for a second before saying “Answer me this first. What do you know about Sightseers?”
“Not much- only what I’ve heard from the stories.” Aria tried to force her frightened brain to think about what she knew. “They use balls of glass to predict the future, and the last one died about two hundred years ago.”
The phantom chuckled, a dark sound that sent shivers down Aria’s spine. “A good start. Looks like I may have to start from the beginning.” It resumed a human shape and sat down cross-legged in the air.
“Since the dawn of time,” it began, “there has always been one person with the ability to See into a different era, whether it be the past or future. This… skill is only seen in one person at a time, and when that one person dies, it will move to a different host. It began as little more then a feeling, a premonition that something would happen. As the years went by and the ability jumped from person to person, it grew in strength. Sightseers began to see actual events clearly and accurately. However, they only received very small glimpses until one decided to try and harness the ability. Adam, if the memory serves correctly, Saw a vision of himself holding a kind of… ball. He then spent the rest of his short life, guided by small visions, working to create these spheres, which he aptly named Orbs.”
“Short life? What do you mean by that?”
The phantom sighed. “To complete the Orb, the Sightseer who possesses it must infuse the ability within themselves into the Orb, which is, in essence, their soul.”
“So… when the Orb is broken-“
“The Sightseer dies.” The Phantom finished shortly. “As both Adam and I found out that day, when he placed it on top of his big pile of books, then tried to take one out from the middle.” It chuckled again. “I have seen the deaths of many Sightseers, but none as random as this. Had the results not been so sad, it would have been almost comical.” Now in the shape of a kind of queen, it steeped its long elegant fingers and looked at Aria from over them. “Now tell me. What is the state of the royal family?”
“Dead.” Aria replied. “They’ve been gone for at least 15 years, and Lord Menrik has ruled his with his Council for the Greater Good since then.”
Its eyes flashed with anger. “And what reason has he given for being on the throne?”
“Well- he was the only one who tried to save the king and queen, wasn’t he? All the other Tion plotted to kill the King and Queen and take over their throne, and he was the only one who stayed loyal to the family. He didn’t manage to save them, but he did kill all the traitorous Tion single handedly, as well as all the evil creatures they summoned--” she stopped as a dagger reappeared in its hand. “At least, that’s what he’s told everyone.” Aria finished hastily. “Um… I take it that’s not what happened?”
The phantom shook its head. “No, not in the least. Menrik was the one who slaughtered the Tion, true, but he was also the one behind Kin and Queen’s assassination.”
“How do you know?” Aria questioned. If what it said was true, then the entire country had been living under nothing but lies.
“Because I was there.” It took one look at Aria’s stunned face and sighed before talking again. “Esther, the last Sightseer, Saw the entire event just a few short days before it happened. Without even stopping to write down her vision, she rushed to warn them of the traitorous path Menrik would take, then the King’s advisor. The royal family refused to see her despite her pleadings, so she instead snuck in to talk to the Tion. I, as a spirit unknown to the Tion, was not allowed into the room with Esther as she explained her vision to the Tion, and thus waited outside the door. Minutes after she walked inside, Menrik appeared, followed by hordes of dark and bloodthirsty creatures. I defended the entrance as best I could, but some managed to slip past and into the room, immediately killing those closest to the door. Lyron, the leader of the Tion and the most powerful of them all, was one of the first killed before she even had a chance to protect herself. And… without their leader, the rest of the Tion quickly followed.”
Aria stumbled over to the bed and sat down, head spinning from the realization that nearly everything she knew was a lie. “So… the Sightseers didn’t disappear a hundred years ago and Lord Menrik is really just a lying jerk that killed everyone for power. But what happened to Esther?”
The phantom paused. “I do not know. During the battle between Menrik and the Tion, I managed to grab Esther and pull her out of the fight. The only safe place for her was here-” it gestured around the room. “So I got her back here as fast as I could. Through the entire journey here, she wrote in her journal, though she did not permit me to see what she was writing. I think some of Menrik’s creatures followed us back here… Once in this very room, I noticed that she held a sheet of paper on which was inscribed a spell. She apologized to me, and said that this was the last thing she would do before she died. Confused, I let her read out the spell, only to realize that it was binding me to the parchment. I fought it off as hard as I could, but it must have been done by one of the Tion when we were there, and was therefore unable to stop it. The last thing I saw was her picking up her Orb before I sank into the page… to remain there until now.”
“Wow….” Aria could barely think straight, her head filled with information that she had never even imagined was possible. Through her daze, she noticed the sun was starting to come up, and realized that she should have been back at her house long ago. Oh well, too late for that now.
“Indeed. Now tell me, Aria, if that’s even your real name. I have been brought out of there for a reason, and it must be you. So please enlighten me- who are you and how did you come to be here?”
Aria tried to collect her thoughts. “Yes, my real name is Aria, and I live in the village of Siyet with my parents and four sisters.” She continued to explain to the phantom how she got to this house- Esther’s house- including the Kyrieky attack, though not how she killed it. Don’t want it to think I’m a threat… she thought briefly before resuming her story.
“A Kyrieky? Must have been a young one, if it didn’t spit fire at you…” the phantom mused.
“No, there was no- did you hear that?” Aria listened closely.
It shook it’s head. “I did not hear anything.”
Aria strained her ears. There it was again- something like a distant scream, coming from the direction of… “The village!” she gasped. She frantically ran over to the window, searching the horizon for a glimpse of the village’s rooftops. For a moment, she couldn’t see anything, until she finally pointed herself in the direction of the village. There, rising above the trees into the blood red sunset, was a column of smoke.
Alrighty, so here's the dp. What does Aria do? Run back to her village in an attempt to help? Run away from it as fast as she can? And for that matter, what does the phantom do? Does it stick with her or stay in the house?
Thanks for your patience all!
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Last edited by Phantomfan on Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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She runs back to her village without thinking about the fact that she actually can't help that much.
(she may or may not forget the dagger)
The Phantom runs/floats/stalks/flies (WHATEVER) after her, not wanting her only contact in this new world to be lost to her so soon.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
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FatHairyApe
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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I LOVE IT! Excellent. I was enthralled and so excited. Great work 
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Krystal Latiana
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| Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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Awesome, Phan. I love this!
Well, I think she should run towards the village to see what's going on, but if the threat to said village is too much for her to handle, the Phantom drags her back into the forest to safety or something like that. (If I'm overstepping my bounds, let me know.)
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zahark
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| Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:57 am Post subject: |
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for the Dp:
mabey the lord person in charge (sorry I'm terrible at remembering names I just heard) had the fire started cause his spys heard roumers of a seer. ( mabey there are certin signs to look for so they would know) so they use the fire as a distraction, and she and the phantom don't know this so they go to help , but some spys or soliders grab her and bring her back to the palace. why: probabbly some thing to do with seeing mabey they think she can see the truth mabey they think she could be useful I don't know.....
anyway I really like it so far.
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And the sun will set for you
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And the shadow of the day
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And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
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I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
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shy_blu_eyes
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:18 am Post subject: |
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F5 everything above, but here's the wrinkle. The Phantom doesn't choose to go with Aria. When Aria attempts to leave, she and the phantom find that they are bound to each other by a mystical force, the same force that bound the phantom to the previous seers!
Aria wants to go back to the village and see what's going on, but her new bodyguard refuses to let her endanger herself.
What happens after that is anyone's guess.
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Welcome, to the Barony of Wyndshire!
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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OOOOH
I like Shy's idea.
COOL.
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When the dead walk, the living run.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 6:53 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm.... interesting suggestions...
So let's see- so far we have;
Run unthinkingly back to village, with the Phantom there b/c it's curious
Run unthinkingly back to village, the Phantom with her for protection
Run back to village, only to be dragged back by Phantom
Want to run back to village, but Phantom does not allow her
I'm going to leave suggestions up for a few more days, so any more?
Thanks for the suggestions and comments everyone!!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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SerriaFox
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| Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:08 am Post subject: |
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I disagree a little with Shy,
I think Aria (as the living part would be the stronger of the two) meaning he has to go with her. However the link in new to Aria and maybe not so new to the phantom giving him greater influence, this time?
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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who says that the Phantom has experienced this bond before?
maybe it is part of the spell that bound the Phantom to the paper!
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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Alrighty all, poll is up!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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DeadManWalking
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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you missed my option
She runs to the village unthinkingly and the Phantom gets dragged along.
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When the dead walk, the living run.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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I'm really, really sorry guys- but dmw forced me to put up a different poll- with his option included.
So... please vote again, if you can!!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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Alrighty, poll will remain up for just a few more days- get your votes in!!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Aaaaaannnnddd--- Poll is closed!
What to do- the real poll!!
Run back to the village, the Phantom with her for protection 11% [ 1 ]
Run back to village, only to be dragged back by Phantom 0% [ 0 ]
Run unthinkingly back to the village, phantom with her b/c it's curious 11% [ 1 ]
Run unthinkingly back to the village, the phantom getting dragged along with her (see dmw's post) 44% [ 4 ]
Want to run back to village, but Phantom does not allow her (see Sox's post) 22% [ 2 ]
Author's option (don't pick!) 11% [ 1 ]
Thanks to all who voted!
Because of school starting up again, I'm afraid the next chapter may be a bit delayed... but it will be coming soon!
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I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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GodinJeans
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| Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I missed the poll! Oh well! I'll kick back and smoke while i wait for the next chapter.
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Cyberworm
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| Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 6:19 am Post subject: |
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Aye, I caught up, and I'm here to say that I luuuuuv the chappy. Let there be bonds!!
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zahark
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| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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*pokes* come on Phan new chapey please *looks at you with big innocent eyes*
_________________
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you ~shadow of the day, linkin park
-------------
I'm not crazy*, my reality is just different from yours.
*most of the time
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Phantomfan
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| Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:28 pm Post subject: |
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I'm really sorry about the delay, guys... school has been it's normal crappy, crazy, stupid self. I am working on the chapter as much as I can, though.
It WILL be up, though.
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...
Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
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