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misterbiz
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 Posted: Sat May 21, 2011 1:40 pm Post subject: The Girl and The Stranger |
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Biz Bit: This is a piece that I really argued with myself about. I originally was going to write it as a novel but I voted against it. Now i think I may let all of my fans and great readers check out the short story version and tell me whether or not I should expand (maybe even turn it into an SG...*gasp*)
The young woman knelt in front of the pale stranger, clutching his pant legs. Bloody scrapes and bruises decorated her knees through torn jeans as she gazed up into the uncaring eyes of her tormentor. Her long blonde hair hung just past her shoulders drenched in a crimson mess. Blood from another who had been with her since before the sadistic stranger had arrived in her life.
"It's amazing how little regard your kind can have for their own life until they're an inch away from losing it," the man said. His voice was mutated and inhuman. It sounded completely devoid of substance. More like a loud wind than an actual vocal tone. An unatural fire glowed behind his expressionless mold-colored green eyes. The man's face held no expression also. His eyes stared blankly into the young girl's searching her soul and laughing on the inside once he found the fear he loved to feed off of.
"Please," the girl pleaded. She started tugging herself, digging her bloodied and ragged fingernails into his pitch black apparrel, "take what you want but just don't hurt me." Her body felt weakend. Every muscle burned, feeling as if she was run over by a vehicle. The psycho in the black suit simply lifted his leg and shoved her down with it in one quick motion. Thanks to her grip a couple fingernails were ripped from her fingertips. A loud moan filled the forest that surrounded them before a blood curdling scream tore itself from her lips.
"Keep your whore hands off of me, you bitch," the stranger said in an empty tone. Tears flowed freely from the girl's eyes as her freshly ripped nails now burned.
"Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you?" the girl sobbed as she managed to roll onto her stomach. A surge of paralyzing pain shot through her body as her hands moved across the ground to push herself up.
"You've done nothing to me in particular. But it was this world that you angered by your actions," he said, ciricling the girl like a vulture above a carcass. "When someone like you commits an atrocity against the universe, it calls to me or one of my brethren to make things right."
"Brethren? Atrocity? What the fuck are you talking about? What did I do?" she aked desperately, panic quickly taking over her voice.
"Your profession is one of evil and vile purposes. A sin against everything holy and decent, so I have been called upon to..."
"My profession? What are you talking about? I don't have a job. Unless you mean," she paused starting to push herself up. A few pained cries escaped her lips as she managed to make it to all fours. "Look. Times are tough. I needed the money. I was about to lose my apartment," she said raising sloly so she was kneeling once more.
Without warning, he struck. His booted foot flew through the air,. his heel struck her in the temple causing her to collapse to the hard ground. ""You lying whore. You knew what you were doing the entire time. You had a choice. If you didn't, the world would have seen no need to use me."
"P...p...please," she managed to whisper, "have mercy."
"You are far beyond mercy. Beyond pity. Beyond saving," he said standing in front of her limp body. Her breathing was starting to slow. the tears that had stung her eyes now stopped as if some inner being hd simply turned a valve.
"I'm not gonna live through this, am I?" she asked quietly, her voice showing the same lack of emotion as her attacker. The stranger looked down at her, a frown finally appearing on his pale sunken face. He tilted his head and gazed down at her, tracing her thin figure. He completely examined her from the torn black t-shirt to he trashed and bloodied jeans. Taking a short inhalation of breath, he sought the smell of fear. Yet there was none. There was no smell at all except that of her blood. She had given up. Every flicker of fear and hope was gone from her. He grabbed her and lifted her to her kneeling position.
"No. You won't. But I guarantee that you won't feel a pain. That is the shred of mercy reserved for you."
"Why?"
"Because you are the first target for my six brothers or me to fully give up hope. To stop fighting."
"I haven't given up. I'm just accepting the inevitible."
Her dead blue eyes stared up at the fiend. The man shouted to the heavens, quoting her crimes of lust and the lack of remorse and repentance. The skies grew dark and a heavy rain started to fall cwashing them of the gore that covered them. The strangers long black hair stuck to his skin. He looked from the sky to her. As the rain quickly drenched them, the demon felt a strange sickness in his gut. Sadness.
Acting quickly, the stranger snapped the girl's neck, letting her fall to the ground. The sorrow in his gut kept boiling before it erupted inside him, causing him to let loose a stream of sulfur-smelling vomit.
He sat down and began to rock.Acidic tears streamed down the fiends face as his mind was racked with guilt. Then there in the middle of the woods, next to the body of his latest victim, a demon did cry.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
Arts and Poetry Mod
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 3:48 am Post subject: I Think...... |
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Um, I wanna jump this demon.....And I would die to see more of this! Must go on!!!!! *Big shiny eyes* Pweeeese?
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And my first Finished work Death Day
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Tainted Biohazard
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 12:57 pm Post subject: |
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This is my kind of start. The demon cries does he? A tortured soul indeed. He has quite the fractured mentality that works well for such a character. I think this makes a great story game. Unfortunately we have no decision point now to press you to continue.
What now will he do with her body? I wonder.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | "Because you are the first target for my six brothers or me to fully give up hope. To stop fighting." |
A cryptic line Bizzy. This says a lot and sets us up for a full story as well. It also leaves a lot still to be said. I think you intended for his victim to fully miss the point because she seems to respond as if he were talking about her giving up hope but I take this to mean he and his six brothers are looking for a way to give up hope and stop fighting. I could be wrong about how I'm reading that myself though.
I agree with the others that this is a great start. One is always drawn to understand the motives behind murder. Let me get this straight though, the 'demon' is just being descriptive of the nature of the man, not to insinuate that he is an actual demon, right? He seemed described as a human male in the first portion.
Anyhow, yeah, looking forward to more bizzy!
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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