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ChoKiba
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 Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:40 am Post subject: Fate's Companion Chapter 3 |
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Chapter One
“Hush your mouth boy,” the matron snapped not turning away from her window.
“Why do I put up with you old woman?” The boy demanded narrowing his eyes and staring darkly at the old woman’s back. “Others who say such things find themselves in most unpleasant situations.”
The woman chuckled softly turning to face the boy at last. “Yes, but I am not like others now am I?” She asked raising a delicate gray eyebrow. “And well you know that.”
“Aye too well. It is the only reason that you are still alive. Though keep tempting me and I may change that fact. Unless, of course, you enjoy the thought of what I might do to you.” A smirk crooked the edge of his lips. “And don’t say that I wouldn’t because well you and I know that I would.”
“So that you could lose your one companion? I don’t think that’s likely.” The old woman said looking back outside. “Now if you will excuse me…I have a guest. One that you are not yet to meet.”
“Don’t presume to tell me anything old woman,” he snapped. “I know what is and what is not to be. And it may change at my discretion. Never forget that nor your place in all of it. That would be a mistake that I can assure you that you would never recover from.”
* * *
I was one of the few people in the world who knew of the secrets of the creepy house on our street. Of course, most neighborhoods have those creepy houses that make you question if you’re really sure if the Supernatural doesn’t exist or not. This house was one of them. Knowing it’s secrets though, I knew well that the Supernatural was very real. Tulane lived there. You see, Tulane is complicated. At first I didn’t believe it, but then I saw both sides of her house. Inside and outside. Once you see that, it’s hard not to believe. Your other options are to go insane or to try and forget. The only problem is that once you’ve met Tulane, it’s hard to forget her. She’s just one of those people. Even if she wasn’t a seer I think that I would never have been able to forget her.
Tulane’s house was different and that would probably be a way to put what it was mildly. There was no other place like it in existence. Of that I was absolutely certain. The left half of the lawn was perfectly manicured and cared for though you would never see anyone tending to it. The other half of the lawn was in disarray to put it nicely. The plants were overgrown and had this odd smell to them. It can’t really be described, it’s one of those smells that once you’ve got it, you understand and never forget it no matter how much that you try. The house itself was another matter for why people usually avoided Tulane’s place. It was two-story Victorian residence that looked like it had seen better days. The roof sagged as if under a great weight that was about to break it in two and send it crashing into the house it was supposed to cover. The wood looked weathered and brittle. The paint, once an unknown shade, was a colorless grey that curled and peeled in little flakes that tended to collect in little piles along the wall and edges of the porch. The porch itself looked and sounded dangerous. It’s creaks gave a person the impression that each step could cause the wood to give way underneath their feet. I rapped on the door and heard a voice that sounded like sharp rocks and a raging sea given a woman’s voice. That voice which terrified most held no such sway over me now.
The woman who came to the door was a miserable sight. She was a stooped and withered being almost like a crone or a hag, but more. A good many of her teeth were missing exposing gums that were a dark red-purple color. The few teeth that she had left were yellowed and randomly placed in her mouth. Her hair was gray and remained on her head only in sparse patches. “In, in,” she snapped impatiently waving me inside. Usually Tulane wasn’t so abrupt so it took my by surprise. I even stepped back in shock before Tulane eyed me with one of her glares. I put my hands on my hips and glared right back at her.
We stood like that for a little while, facing off between each other before Tulane threw her head back and laughed. “Yes, yes, I apologize. Now please child, come inside.” I wished that I could hear her laugh on the other side of the doorway. I wondered how it would sound on the inside. Even though I had been visiting Tulane’s house for over four months, I still hadn’t heard her laugh inside the house. Outside it was a disturbing sound. Inside, I imagined it would be beautiful and unique as the woman that the laugh belonged to. I smiled at Tulane knowing that she would know I had forgiven her even as I stepped over the threshold. I closed the door behind me even though I knew that no one could see past the glamour that shrouded her home.
Inside the house was in pristine condition. It looked as if it had been cared for fastidiously since it had been built (which it very well could have been give Tulane’s age). I loved the house. Every moment that I wasn’t visiting Tulane that I was allowed in the house, I wandered off trying to find something new. It usually wasn’t very hard either. With any luck, I would be finding something new in Tulane’s house for the rest of my life. That was if she would have me. The key was to remember to keep your promises to her. That was the quickest way to fall out of favor with her. And usually, when you fell out of favor with Tulane, you find yourself on the bad side of Fate as well. It was lucky for me then that Tulane liked me.
“How have you been?” I asked turning to face my hostess. Tulane was completely different inside her house than she was on the outside. Her long gray and white hair was kept back at the base of her head in a tight bun. She had all her teeth which were a pristine white in color. Her shoulders were forced back so that she should up straight, to look down her nose at people. She was only a little conceited in my opinion. Despite her demeanor though, she had a dry humor that I found refreshing. It made up for any egotistical manners that she might have gained from a position that she had held for centuries.
“As well as one can be in my state.”
That wasn’t the answer that I had expected. It wasn’t the answer that Tulane gave. She usually said something witty. It worried me that she would stray from that. In all the short time that I had known her, she had never strayed from the routine she had established to great me. “Are you alright?” I asked furrowing my brow in confusion and walked over, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m leaving,” she didn’t waste any time getting to the point. I stood staring at her, my mouth hanging open and my eyes like saucers. I couldn’t move or even try to say anything. All I could do was gape and stare at the women who had been my friend and who was now leaving for a reason I didn’t know, a reason, I doubt I could have imagined. “You shall have your choices of course. I am leaving you the house. That includes the control of the glamour.”
“Control? You never told me it could be controlled!” I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that she hadn’t shared that fact with me before. It seemed relevant and very important.
She shook her head. “Come now! You cannot possibly think that I would leave my own home to change. Don’t be absurd Nathana. I am far more clever than that and well you know it! Now as much as I would love to tell you more dear, you will have to gain your instructions from the letter over the fire place. Be safe and careful. I trust you.”
“You can’t leave!” I protested.
Tulane opened her mouth again as if to say something before shaking her head as if deciding against it. “Live well Nathana.” She didn’t even give me another chance to protest. One minute Tulane was there, the next I caught just the hem of her dress slipping outside of the room.
Alright, not the best, but I'm tried and It's what I have! So, this is my first SG, I hope it's something.
Last edited by ChoKiba on Wed Apr 14, 2010 11:27 am; edited 7 times in total
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Amichan
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 3:51 am Post subject: |
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Over all Very excellent Job!!! You have a great opening for this chapter and the details are excellent now for the decision point (DP ) i think your character needs to demand Tulane to explain why she is leaving why she left the house to you and what the heck she means by the glamor because for her demeanor to change tells me that Tulane is either not well or she has a secret that she is keeping but over all very good for a start!!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:35 am Post subject: |
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I agree that this is quite good. It evokes intriguing imagery and suggests a few mysteries to keep us wanting to know what's to come, and various other questions. Like what's the source of the glamour?
However, a few helpful notes:
1. Your grammar and spelling are very good. I only noticed a small few things there:
| Quote: | | (which it very well could have been give Tulane’s age). |
missing an 'n' on the end of give.
and
| Quote: | | In all the short time that I had known her, she had never strayed from the routine she had established to great me. |
greet
and
| Quote: | | And usually, when you fell out of favor with Tulane, you find yourself on the bad side of Fate as well. |
tense shift here, should be 'found', or you would.
This being all I could find means your work was nearly impeccable. Well done!
I'd also ask that you try to break up some of the longer paragraphs. 2 or 3 sentences are enough for a paragraph in an online post. I found my mind wandering during some of them and when I went back to read closer, I realized I'd missed quite a bit during those wanders.
The DP is a bit unclear. Perhaps asking us a question at the end, to focus what the decision point should be, would help us to give our suggested answers.
I suppose right now its the general, 'what does she do now?' question. In which case, head to the letter she left for us and read it! (She seems in a hurry to leave and it would seem rude to stop her...)
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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Hi ChoKiba,
I really enjoyed reading your first chapter. I like the way that you write, and it leaves you wanting to know what happens next, which every good story should.
I agree with Kang. I think that Nathana should go after Tulane and get an explaination out of her. Though, the not knowing does add an air of mystery.
Overall though I liked it, and look foward to the next chapter. Very well done! 
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Thank you to all three of you for your comments. Anyone else want to get a comment in, I'm gonna try to remember to put up the poll tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully the next chapter will be better just because I shouldn't be falling asleep when I'm typing.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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Very well done.! 
Well asking her to explain why would be the obvious choice, but Nathana knows Tulane well enough that she's unlikely to come back if she shouts after her. But the control over the glamour of the house seems intriguing. So I would search for the way to control this house.
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Tatkret Sos
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:20 am Post subject: |
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I agree with Kang and Tikanni! He should get an explanation. Tulane seems like a very mysterious character and this made me want to read on. 
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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Alright! The poll is up. And will be up for an undetermined period of time. So vote away my dearies and let's see what happens next!
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| Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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Voted! I thought that Nathana should go after Tulane to get an explaination. Though, I have to say, I was torn between that, and just searching the house for some answers, drawn by the intrigue and mystery of the latter.
But I thought that the character of Tulane seems like she doesn't want to say very much about the whole thing anyway, so I don't think she'll give too much away. 
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:59 am Post subject: |
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Defiantely an intriguing start.
The glamour I'm assuming is what makes the house look all shabby from the outside, despite it being pristine inside. I wonder if the act of 'passing on the glamour' will now make us look old and haggard outside the glamour? Possibly we're trapped here now!
I voted for reading the letter, we need the answers Tulane is unwilling to give to our face.
Happy Writing
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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Well, depending on how nice my parents are to me over break, Hopefully sometime around Wednesday of next week *crosses fingers* if I don't have much internet time, then it'll have to wait until probably Monday or Tuesday after Thanksgiving.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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tis ok but just remember that consistent gaps in between chapters will keep readers interested. if it goes too long with out a chappy some readership may get lost
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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POLL IS CLOSED! I will try to get up a new chapter very soon (like before this time next week)
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| Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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I think this story is awesome. So mad I missed all the voting. If my opinion is worth anything at this point, I think Nathana should grab the letter then run after Tulane without reading it.
Keep writing. I want to read what happens next chapter.
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| Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter Two
I told myself that I had every intention of running after Tulane and demanding she tell me what in the world was going on. It didn’t really matter if I had the intention to or not though. The point was that I didn’t do it. I stood right were I was and listened for the front door to slam. I didn’t even hear that. I just knew when she left. It was as if I could feel it. I could feel her absence and it was one of the most terrible feelings imaginable. The house seemed to loom around me. It had never been quite so frightening which was completely absurd. How was I supposed to explain it all though?
I hugged my middle and looked around the house. It didn’t look any differently. I had to stop being so ridiculous. Instead, I was going to figure everything out! I was determined to. In this case, it meant going to find the letter that Tulane had mentioned. I bit my lip and shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked into the front room. It was a beautiful room that seemed to be done in the style of a Victorian parlor. Everything was beautiful and ornate. More importantly, everything had a purpose. That was always the way it was when it came to Tulane’s house. She didn’t allow anything to have no purpose. That had been something that I had learned from her.
The letter sat on the mantle, just where she said it would. I hadn’t really doubted her, but in some part of my mind, I suppose I had wondered if it would be there or not. I knew that I shouldn’t have doubted Tulane. Another thing I knew, was that she didn’t lie. Whether it was because she couldn’t or because she didn’t see the point, you always knew that whatever Tulane told you was the truth. Of course she said that it was the Fey’s truth she told to those she didn’t like. For those of you who don’t know anything about the Fey (which I didn’t until after I got to know Tulane very well), the Fey are what most people call Faeries. They’re not those cute little sweet nature things Hollywood tries to pull over though. Fey are tall and beautiful. They are graceful and hypnotic.
They are dangerous.
While Fey cannot lie, they know how to twist the truth better than a crooked, silver-tongued politician. I’ve met one and I remember the experience well. It had been one of the first days I had come to Tulane’s home after learning some of what she actually was. She hadn’t been alone as I thought she would have been. She had been with the most beautiful man that I had ever seen. His hair had been long and a ray of colors from gold to red. His eyes had been gold and if I had paid attention I would have noticed that they were dead despite the bright smile on his face. The instant I saw him, I had this insane urge to giggle and doll myself up to try and gain his attentions. I would have been lost to the Fey the moment I saw him if Tulane hadn’t intervened. She had grabbed me by the arm and marched me to one of the upstairs room and locked me inside for the next hour. When she had finally come back for me, I was back to my normal self and the Fey was gone. Tulane explained the situation, but after that day, we never spoke of it again.
I shook my head bringing myself back to reality. It had been months since I had even had a remote stirring of the memory. That couldn’t mean anything though. It was a coincidence and nothing more. I opened the letter and unfolded it slowly to read what was inside:
Dear Nathana,
I never thought the day would come when circumstances dictated that I would have to leave. The day has come though and there is little that I can do but leave. I cannot tell you why now. That is a secret which will be revealed in time I have no doubt. And when you learn the reason you will understand why I had to leave. The house and its glamour now belong to you. It can be used by no one but you now. I have relinquished my hold over it. Now to use the glamour…
I read the instructions that filled up most of the letter, but I didn’t really comprehend them. Tulane really was gone. That was the only thing that really penetrated my mind. Tulane was gone and there was the chance that she was never coming back. That hurt. She had been my best friend for so long. What was I going to do without her? Since I had learned about the truth of what she was, my life had forever changed. At first I had resented her for that. Then as time had gone on, I had able to come to terms with it and even thank Tulane for changing the course of my life. But could I forgive her for leaving me now? That I wasn’t so sure about.
“One word of caution I will leave with you Nathana,” The letter read as it came to a conclusion. “A man will come to you. Dark hair and charm. He holds life or death, choose wisely. Love Tulane.” I read the last few lines over and over again. What was the meaning? Dark hair and charm I knew. Tulane had told me that more than once. Sometimes it had seemed as if she was trying to train me to understand the words. Maybe she had been. The thought tugged at my mind now, a reminder of some of our conversations together. Choosing wisely and someone with a hold over life and death though was not in my memory though. Tulane had never mentioned either before.
I moved out of the sitting room and towards the stairs. I had to go to the attic to activate and manipulate the glamour. A knock on the door followed shortly by the sweet chime of the bells made me jump though. I was skittish for a moment as I turned and walked slowly down the stairs and to the door. I didn’t take the chain off the door, but I did crack it open a little. Through that small slit, I caught sight of a tall, dark haired man facing out towards the street. “A man will come to you,” the words from the letter echoed hauntingly. “Dark hair and charm.” I wasn’t ready to make the choice though! But I had a choice to make and quickly before the man turned around and the choice was taken from me.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
Last edited by ChoKiba on Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:06 am; edited 2 times in total
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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Mmm. Open the door or head to the attic, then? The man holds life or death, and he may be a Fey. We've already found out what effect a Fey can have on her.
If she opens the door she may be lured away against her better judgement and then she may never gain control of the house Tulane left to her. I think this house is a strength and a skill she must learn.
For this guy to arrive so soon after Tulane's departure seems something of a coincidence, though. And who knows whether he's the tall and dark one she's talking about anyway? He might have come to read the electric meter, for all she knows. He may not be 'the one' at all.
I think she needs to get control of the situation, and that is to get control of the house. The best way to find out who he is is to see how he reacts to the house.
Take the chain off the hook, and retreat to the attic. See what he does and if needs be, use the house as your weapon.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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Great second chapter Cho!
My first instinct was to say, open the door to the guy. Tulane said he holds her life or death in his hands. That doesn't mean that he's going to kill her as soon as he lays eyes on her. Tulane said in the letter that she had a choice to make. And that the man had charm. It could be about letting him in and listening to what he has to say. Then he'll ask her to make a choice about something. If he planned to do her in, wouldn't Tulane have warned her to not let him in?
But I also liked Crunchy's idea, when I read it.
But, just to be different, I'll stick with my instict. Open the door, let the guy in, and take the risk. He might have something interesting to say. And why risk making him angry? I'm sure that, if he's determined enough, he'll get in anyway.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Tatkret Sos
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| Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:41 am Post subject: |
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Really great 2nd chapter!
I don't think she should open the door as she has just found out that this man could be the death of her. 
Although, this could make him angry like Tikky said! 
I think she needs to learn more about the house and the tall man so she knows what she needs to do.
Can't wait for the next chapter! 
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 11:32 am Post subject: |
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I'm not entirely certain what the DP is intended to be, but I think the previous responses have encapsulated what I was thinking you might be asking. Let him in or not basically?
I say yes. Serve him tea and crumpets. Figure out who he is. Surely, he is the first clue in determining why Tulane has left and what our goals should be now that she has. But be wary of charms... I'd say harden the heart before opening the door!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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alexandrie
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| Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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I think the answer is in the question. Perhaps her life depends on openning the door. If you let him in, he tells you what is up with the house and Tulane or you leave him outside and die trying to find out yourself. What do you do? Let him in or leave him out?
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:06 am Post subject: |
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I never thought about it that way, Alexandrie! That's a really good idea!
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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Alright, so this has taken me forever to get up due to some personal life issues. Sorry, but the poll is up and I'll try to get back into updating this on a semi-regular basis if anyone still wants to read it.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 12:11 am Post subject: |
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| It's good to see you back, and good to see you're continuing this SG. Welcome back!
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Smee
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| Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Oooh I missed Chapter 2, but all caught up now. Very interesting!
I've voted for don't let him in. I don't think now is the time to be entertaining a guest in a house we've just inherited. We need time to adjust and settle in.
And it appears I've made it a 3 way tie... we're a decisive lot 
Good to have you back.
Happy Writing
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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Only too glad to be continuing! Now if we can just sort through the tie with some more voters, it'll all be good!
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 1:22 am Post subject: |
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I think this SG needs a bump - since it appears we're still waiting for a break in the tie!
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:12 pm Post subject: |
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| I find it very suspicious that the stranger should happen to appear just shortly after Tulane has left. I don't trust him. If he means well, and means to be a mentor/teacher figure to Nathana, then he is a good person who will not mind patiently waiting outside. And if he's evil... he picked this moment to attack the house when it was defenseless. Nathana can't defend herself right now. She might, if she has the glamour. Tulane had the letter written well in advance- but she didn't leave the house owner-less. She waited until Nathana arrived before choosing to leave- I think that means something, and I think the evil man does too.
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:18 am Post subject: |
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Alright! Since the tie-breaker has been broken, the poll is officially closed and I shall be posting chapter three within the next few days hopefully.
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 12:36 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Three
I bit my lip as I stared at the man. Everything I had ever been taught was telling me to open the door all the way. Everything in my gut was telling me to close it before he could turn around and see me. And one thing I had learned from being around Tulane was to trust my intuition. I had to go with that today. I gently closed the door biting my lip and praying that the man would just think that no one was home. As long as he hadn’t heard the door open or shut I should be safe. I spun silently on my heel and crept up the stairs. No sense in letting him know someone was inside by making a lot of noise. I had to be sneaky like a ninja except without any of the jokes.
I had only ever been on the second floor of Tulane’s house twice. She and I had usually taken up residence in her kitchen, parlor, or study. That wasn’t my destination now as I began counting the doors. It was the third door on the right. I had seen the door before, but I had never thought anything about it. Now looking at it, there still didn’t seem to be anything special about it. It looked exactly like all the other doors. The same color. The same texture. The same knob. Probably even the same wood. This was the door that was supposed to lead to the attic and the center of the glamour though.
I took a deep breath as I grasped the knob. It was probably silly to be so nervous. Tulane had assured me time and time over the years that nothing in her house could hurt me. It just didn’t make me feel any better as I slowly opened the door and peaked inside. There were a set of stairs that led up to an open lit area. I moved up the steps, and looked around the room. It was open and bare except for a single stone pillar in the center.
The stone pillar was gray, just like a statue you’d see in a garden. Three bands spiraled together up opening into a flower on top that held a dull black orb. It almost reminded me of something off of a D and D role play or a medieval fantasy. I felt ridiculous as I walked up to it. This couldn’t be right. It felt too much like a joke to me. I pulled the letter back out of my pocket, anxious to read it’s contents. I skipped the first part of the letter and began to carefully read the instructions.
They were detailed. Tulane explained about how the lights of the attic only turned on to the owner of the house. Reading those words made my heart sink. It meant that unless Tulane was hiding in the attic (which she wasn’t) then I really was the owner of this house. Tulane had left this all to me and she was gone. It wasn’t something that I liked or wanted to admit to myself, but I didn’t really see a choice. The next part was were it got a little confusing. I read the sentences over and over again making sure that I was actually reading what I was reading.
“You have got to be kidding me Tulane,” I muttered shaking my head and scrubbing a hand over my face. If what I was reading was right, I needed to call my dad. He wasn’t going to like what I had to tell him. Mom was going to love it ironically enough. I could understand why, but still the irony wasn’t something I was going to miss. I would have to work with the glamour soon, but not just yet. At the moment I had to go downstairs and grab the phone. Calling Dad came first considering the amount of time that the glamour was going to take me to manipulate.
I turned away from the pillar and orb and moved back down the stairs closing the door behind me. I sighed heavily. This was going to be a long day. I knew that I could just leave. I could walk out the door and never look back. Tulane had given me this house for a reason though. She knew that I wouldn’t leave. I couldn’t. I wasn’t the kind of person who walked away from a responsibility that was given to me and this house was now my responsibility whether I liked it or not.
I walked slowly towards the stairs and then paused at the top. Looking down at the front door there was a shadow there just on the other side. The man…he couldn’t still be at the door could he? I bit my life. He hadn’t rang the door bell. At least I hadn’t heard it. I hadn’t heard him knocking either. And just standing there was going to draw attention. I shook my head. No it wouldn’t. This was Tulane’s house. Even if someone saw him from the good side of the lawn they would think nothing of it. Only I had ever noticed her house. Tulane had explained that one to me too.
I began to creep down the stairs slowly. Against my better judgment I moved towards the door and leaned up on tip-toe to see through little peephole that Tulane had decided to install for my sack at some point. Though now I wondered if she had really installed it or simply demanded it be there. It was something I might have to experiment with when I had time. I focused on my little mission and looked out onto the door step. The same man stood there with his back to the door, waiting. I gulped and moved back away from the door as silently as I could before I turned on my heel and began moving quickly towards Tulane’s study. A knock came from the back door and I jumped in surprise.
I had never heard anyone knock at the back door before. I had never even seen the back door used before. That alone had my heart beating fast and adrenaline heightening my senses. Against my better judgment, I began to creep towards it, down the hall and into the kitchen. The windows in the kitchen were like all the other windows in Tulane’s house on the first floor. They were covered by plants in a way that allowed light in but made it impossible to look in. A trick of Tulane’s invention she had once confided. I was grateful for that trick now as I moved towards the back door which looked like a replica of the front door, peep hole and all.
I looked through. This man was facing the door. Dark haired and lean, he wore sunglasses and stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his stance speaking clearly of his impatience. The door bell rang from the front and I jumped back from the door biting my lip. Everything inside of me was itching to open one of the doors, or rather both of them and to answer as I had been taught. But at the same time, did I really want to face Tulane’s prophecy yet? Especially when I knew next to nothing but some very vague words that could mean anything.
Sometimes, I hated making choices.
I know, sorry it took me forever guys! Hope the content makes up for it and hope the DP isn't too terrible >.>
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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Hey, I really like your writing style, Chokiba. It is unlike anything I have read before. I couldn't place it exactly, but on first glance I'd say there's something intellectual or emotionally distant about it. The main character is always so bereft of idiosyncrasies-- sometimes we don't know much more than her name. When I read, I feel so isolated from reality, and so enshrouded in mystery. Nothing is ever revealed until it becomes absolutely vital to know. At times the language is laconic, making the experience a bit surreal and detached. For the most part, the descriptions contribute to this effect, because they are usually logical and mechanical. They are almost scientific-- but well crafted-- and never emotional.
At the same time, you have moments where you depart from this approach and suddenly immerse us in the character's emotions, especially when expressing shock or fear. Not surprisingly, the very transition from emotionally distant to emotionally vibrant is one which is shocking, even violent (which reminds us of fear). So in that respect, there is a perfect correlation between style and content. Equally shocking is the polarity between this cold world of cunning feys and the sudden revelation that the main character has a father, that she fantasizes about being a ninja, or that she enjoys D&D. These details create a sort of dynamic tension.
On the other hand, there are reasons why this style might not appeal to some people. It could be too brutal. I'll think more about that later, once I have read some more chapters of yours.
In the meantime, I think our character should look for a weapon of sorts with which to protect herself.
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Shillelagh
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| Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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Once again, I think that Nathana needs to make the glamour working and operational before she opens the door. If it's a bit more complicated than she orignally thought? Well, no matter. Tulane waited until Nathana arrived before leaving. She didn't want to leave the house defenseless. Whoever that man is, I think he's going to take advantage of the situation if we let him inside. If he's a good person, then either Tulane would have let him inside, or he'll be understanding if we make him wait outside until the house is under control. I ignored him before- I'm going to ignore him again.
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Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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| D-Lotus wrote: | Hey, I really like your writing style, Chokiba. It is unlike anything I have read before. I couldn't place it exactly, but on first glance I'd say there's something intellectual or emotionally distant about it. The main character is always so bereft of idiosyncrasies-- sometimes we don't know much more than her name. When I read, I feel so isolated from reality, and so enshrouded in mystery. Nothing is ever revealed until it becomes absolutely vital to know. At times the language is laconic, making the experience a bit surreal and detached. For the most part, the descriptions contribute to this effect, because they are usually logical and mechanical. They are almost scientific-- but well crafted-- and never emotional.
At the same time, you have moments where you depart from this approach and suddenly immerse us in the character's emotions, especially when expressing shock or fear. Not surprisingly, the very transition from emotionally distant to emotionally vibrant is one which is shocking, even violent (which reminds us of fear). So in that respect, there is a perfect correlation between style and content. Equally shocking is the polarity between this cold world of cunning feys and the sudden revelation that the main character has a father, that she fantasizes about being a ninja, or that she enjoys D&D. These details create a sort of dynamic tension.
On the other hand, there are reasons why this style might not appeal to some people. It could be too brutal. I'll think more about that later, once I have read some more chapters of yours. |
Wow, thanks D! I've never had anyone analyze my writing like that I really appreciate it. It brought an interesting perspective to what I'm writing. It's something to consider though. I hope you continue to find something of interest in the story! And thank you for the input!
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
FIRST CHAPTER UP
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 12:17 am Post subject: |
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Did I read this right... the back door and the front door are identical - and the same man is at both doors - with his back turned to the front door, but also facing the back door?
*checks Chapter 2* - he's at the front facing the street in Chapter 2, too - so without her seeing his face it could quite possibly be the same man... the man Tulane has spoken of... A man with dark hair and charm. He holds life or death... I wonder whether the front or back doors represent life or death...
She has to open one of the doors, I think. But which... the front door, or the back? To face him or to creep up on him from behind?
I think I would grab a weapon and open the front door.
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:03 am Post subject: |
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Alright my darlings, I will put up the poll on Wednesday since I will have time then so if anyone else would like to get their opinions in, y'all have until then!
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
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ChoKiba
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| Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 11:28 am Post subject: |
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THE POLL IS UP!
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CHAPTER THREE POLL UP
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| What is Nathana's next move? |
| Find a weapon to protect herself |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Ignore the door and get the glamor under control |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
| Find a weapon and open the front door |
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75% |
[ 3 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
| Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Shillelagh, Tikanni Corazon |
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