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Thunderbird
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Joined: 13 Sep 2009
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Location: Rising from the ashes
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 Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 8:02 pm Post subject: Heavy Metal - Chapter 18: The Kingdom of God |
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Heavy Metal
Chapter 18
The Kingdom of God
Walt’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the overwhelming degree of light that covered these expansive, rolling hills of verdant fields, blooming flowers, finely designed waterways and sparkling gravel paths. In the distance, burned onto his retina, loomed an enormous mountain, its peak extending into the white luminescent clouds overhead.
As soon as the angel, Michael, set him down, barefooted on the soft grass, inviting Walt to the ‘Kingdom of God’ and welcoming further questions, Walt immediately felt an overwhelming sense of pressure weigh down on his shoulders, hips, arms; his whole body suddenly felt as if it had gained a couple hundred pounds.
He stumbled into a forced kneel, planting both hands against his knee. Struggling to keep the weight of his chest from crushing the air out of his lungs, his neck straining to hold up his head, he forced out the words, “What is going on here? Why have I become so blasted heavy? How am I supposed to walk here when I can’t… stand…”
“Oh, my, that’s right,” Michael mused as he stroked his chin thoughtfully, “You wouldn’t be any more suited to the heavier pull of gravity here than you would be to the lighter pull of the Moon. My apologies, Walter Steele. I am used to guiding spirits through this passage. Freed of their physical manifestations, they do not realize the changes in gravity fields. We can address this problem for you, however. I shall call for some assistance.”
As Michael closed his eyes, Walt, glancing around at the other angels in the park, noticed that they all abruptly turned to face Michael. Mutterings, like a foreign radio station being played faintly from behind an adjacent apartment wall, danced across the base of his mind, but he could not make out anything from it.
“The message has been sent and help will arrive soon,” Michael said with a smile.
“We… We’re on another planet?”
Turning down his benevolent gaze to face Walt, Michael knelt and lifted the old man from beneath the shoulders. “Yes. We just traveled through a gateway, much like the ones you saw transporting ships into and from the Moon. This one was more suited for personal travel. You hardly realize you’ve passed through one until you get your bearings on the other side.
Behold,” he turned to allow Walt a view behind them, where a glowing white light shimmered in the air at chest height above the grass. Around the glowing sphere, the light seemed to bend and refract inward towards the center of the globe, save for that which escaped as a bright white glare. “This is one of the many links between our worlds. It is painless to transition between them by simply moving into that sphere, which is simply a doorway, a tunnel through space.”
Feeling the physical pressure relieved by Michael holding him aloft, Walt realized they stood on a knoll, a finely shaped dome over the rest of this area. In the grass below, was imprinted a cryptic crescent symbol which must have born some indication of the destination this portal would transport a traveler.
He took a moment to memorize the symbol, which seemed easy enough as it was fittingly symbolic. Glancing around, further out, Walt began to realize that more such mounds were nicely spaced around this region. “Are these things everywhere on this planet?”
“No. This is something like a central port region for our people,” Michael answered. “They are here because the Mountain of the Lord is not far to travel from this site. It is centrally located between many of our more populous centers of activity.” Walt felt the angel lift him in flight once more and found himself gliding across a glade to be deposited underneath the shade of a massive Willow tree.
Michael instructed, “Sit back against this tree. Its life-force is invigorating and will give you strength enough to wait for her to arrive with a density adjustment harness.”
Nodding, Walt sat down and leaned back against its smooth bark. Indeed, it felt reviving to be so near the tree, which vibrated against his back with a faint hum. “Huh… well I’ll be damned,” he said, able to breathe easier. “This must be one awful big planet. Where are we? Is this what Jupiter looks like underneath all that gas? Saturn perhaps?”
“Close, actually. Nibiru is as large, and does appear to be a gaseous planet from its exterior. It is very rare for the clouds to clear, though they only alight when one of our primary moons, the one nearest our atmosphere, passes overhead. This passing creates an electric charge that lights the gasses in those clouds. This has a warming effect as well. Thus, our night and day is not entirely unlike that of Earth, though sadly, we do not get to witness the stars from the surface as often as you.”
“Hmph… ‘Nibiru’?”
“Yes. Life on our planet would never have persisted if not for the unique atmospheric conditions we have here. We do not require a star to warm us as Earth does. It is one of the fortuitous things about our universe, suggesting that Creation, by nature, predicts destiny and provides for the life within its fold.” Michael peered across their surroundings like an expectant eagle.
“So where is this planet located then? I thought you said ‘the Lord’ was master of only our solar system?”
Michael squinted at the irreverent tone Walt employed when referring to God. “Our planet IS in your solar system! Why do humans always assume that if they cannot see something, than it cannot be a part of the picture?”
Pausing to sigh, Michael continued, “It is understandable in that we have maintained a close eye on your scientists, working hard to suppress awareness of our planet. We have planted suggestions in your scientific communities that hinder the open discovery of Nibiru, though it has been proposed and scoffed aside.
But we’re hard to spot from Earth, even with your ‘modern’ tools. Our orbit takes us quite a long ways from your planet to reach its apogee, and it takes a very long time for it to rotate back around to its apex, just outside of the Forged Bracelet, wait… you call it the asteroid belt.
The last time Nibiru came so close to Earth, it was during an era in which your people had not only forgotten the planet existed, but astronomical knowledge was at an all time low. At that time, it was noted, even by the general public, as a bright star in the sky. Your people have called it, ‘the Star of Bethlehem’ ever since.” Michael looked back over his shoulder at Walt with a warm, yet wry smile. Walt could merely gape in reply, his jaw hanging slack.
“So then… there IS another planet in our system! Pluto sorta gives you away with its unexplained orbit anomalies but we hadn’t found you yet to my knowledge.” Walt stated incredulously.
“Until we draw near the sun, we’re hard to spot through concave glass; just a black dot on a black background. The illumination is largely well contained on the underside of our atmosphere. And to make matters more difficult on your astronomers, Nibiru’s orbit is more aligned to what you call Haley’s comet. We call it the ‘Racer’ for it follows such a similar course to ours around the sun, albeit much faster than our path. This means that our planet is far into the southern skies of Earth throughout most of our orbit, at an unsuspectable angle unlike the original planets here.”
“Original?” Walt pressed.
“Yes. Nibiru is not native to this solar system. I think it’s time for a bit of a history lesson here, I think.”
“Indeed! There are many mysteries of our system,” Walt declared. “And I was hoping to ask about some of them. Why does Mars appear so divided, with a dark and light side? Why is there an asteroid belt? Did a planet explode there? As an astronaut, I’ve always wondered about those things! And from what I’ve seen, you’re the guy to answer all those burning questions! And if ‘God’ is such an authority over the solar system, why hasn’t he made other planets inhabitable?
And there’s simply too much serendipity surrounding the Moon! I mean, the Moon… It’s EXACTLY the size of the sun from the perspective of the surface of the Earth! We can blame the emergence of LIFE on the Moon! It creates the tides, manages the motion of the tectonic plates, keeps our planet alive and in motion, regulates temperature and stabilizes the Earth’s rotations such that we maintain regularity in our seasons. None of this is by accident, is it?” The scientist in Walt had finally found its voice, erupting from his lips with the fervent curiosity of a child. Perhaps it was the vibrations of the tree behind him, resonating through his body, but for a moment, he found himself no longer feeling like an old salt, but like the thriving, energetic man he’d been in his prime.
Michael chuckled. “Very well, then, I shall explain the history of our solar system,” then launched into an explanation.
Walt’s mind soaked up the information like a sponge.
~
Billions of years ago, the planet Nibiru encircled not one, but two stars. In their binary star system, they were the center of life’s emergence. Evolution had run its course from the birth of single celled organisms, perhaps brought to its surface by a comet, perhaps spontaneously generated from a spark of electricity passing through the right pool of primal life-ingredients. Regardless, it began here. And it spread and it evolved.
After Millions of years, intelligent life emerged from a variety of forms. Wars were waged between them. Technologies and civilizations surged and ebbed in an ever ongoing thrust to achieve advanced enlightenment.
But the soul of the planet that had aided in Nibiru’s coalescence into a planet itself, the Father Planet, Durach, had grown jealous of the teeming life that graced Nibiru’s surface, jealous that while Nibiru’s denizens had begun to spread life to surrounding planets, it, itself, was too close in its orbit to the twin stars to support such life. Its soul began to filter into mortals, corrupting them, as it had itself become corrupted in its jealousy and rage.
Here, Michael had to explain to Walt that planets themselves have spirits, and can influence their own orbits with a degree of telekinetic power they possess. While Walt scoffed at the concept, Michael continued to explain that eventually, in his rage, Durach had thrown Nibiru from their system, forced it to eject its course out into deep space.
The act had been devastating to the life here, though it did adapt and survive, capable of so doing because of the unique atmospheric conditions of the planet. For the most part, it had to begin anew, re-evolve to support advanced civilizations once more. Throughout its billions of years floating without an orbit around a star, life recovered.
But when it approached our solar system, life was thrown into turmoil once more. Nevertheless, Nibiru was welcomed into our system by the other planets, whom were having great trouble maintaining peaceful orbits around the Sun. Their spirits pleaded for aid and bargains were made.
The great Mother planet, Tiamat, was a broiling froth of molten fire, spitting out new planetoids at her slightest shift, each crowding the gravitational balance and threatening to pull all into a fiery conclusion in their central star. Nibiru agreed to do battle with her, to suppress her ability to continue creating further chaos.
Walt visibly struggled to understand planets having spirits and any control of their environment – it was all physics to his understanding. But Michael assured him that such physics were often bent by planetary will, even if humans had not logged enough years of observation to have discovered the phenomenon, had not enough spiritual development to have come into communion with their planets.
Michael went on to explain that Nibiru briefly captured Pluto, previously little more than a moon, in its orbit, sending it on its own unique course through the heavens. He explained that as Nibiru approached Tiamat, the planet that existed between Mars and Jupiter, where now lies the ‘hammered bracelet’ – the asteroid belt, they nearly collided.
Tiamat’s primary moon, her protector, Kingu, was stripped of its right to eventual planet-hood, and she was slain by the Four Winds, four moons that had orbited the outer reaches of Nibiru throughout its flight through the galaxy. As Nibiru’s moons were driven into her heart, she was split, much of her essence ‘bleeding’ out into space to become the ‘hammered bracelet’. Her ‘head’, what remained of her, was propelled to a new orbital path along with her chieftain Kingu, set to orbit her for the rest of her days.
~
Walt nodded. “I see. So the ‘head’ of Tiamat… is Earth? And the Moon… Kingu?”
“Yes,” Michael affirmed. “Life was imparted to Earth then, spread by the fact that we had prolific colonies on the Four Winds. Of course, life was reduced to single cellular status when what remained of it on the winds were picked up again on Earth.
And once more, the damage here on Nibiru that stemmed from the clash was so violent that it knocked civilization back once again. It took us a very long time to recover. What spirits remained of Tiamat and Kingu agreed to affix themselves in such an orbit that would be conducive to this grand new discovery of life.
The Dragons were the first of the intelligent races to recover completely, many of which had survived through the destruction, secured away in their long hibernation caverns which they had well protected against such apocalyptic events. They had been the first to re-achieve intelligence anyhow, and we believe it was their careful gardening of our planet that had given rise to so many other life-forms.
But they fell to civil war here and there came a time when our people, following our King, An, rose up and put them down. From there, we achieved freedom from their tyranny.
Once we had developed our technology and spiritual awareness, we actively sought to dispatch the Dragons’ gardening efforts on Earth. We sent a large asteroid from the Hammered Bracelet into your planet to eradicate their savage children to pave the way for our own, new and more peaceful developments.
Then, hundreds of thousands of years later, after long observing your planet, watching with pleased eye, how life was evolving there, we began to recognize the need for some resources Earth was rich in and Nibiru poor.
Primarily, our need was gold – and given how you reached the Moon, I think you may have a rare insight as to one reason we value it so much. We had begun to deplete ourselves of this critical matter here. So we sent a foray to Earth, a permanent colonization of your planet, perhaps three hundred thousand years ago.
For a very long time in your perspective, we worked the Earth ourselves. We filtered the oceans for the gold we sought. But as you can see, the atmosphere is somewhat thin on Earth, compared to Nibiru, and it is rather hot under the blazing sun. Conditions were not ideal there. This is partly why you are feeling more invigorated. There is more oxygen here on Nibiru than there is on Earth. In fact, it may become dangerous to you after long exposure.”
Walt giggled a bit in response. He had developed a euphoric sensation that verged on vertigo. Walking was out of consideration for more cause than mere gravity. Brought to his attention, he nodded, “It’s a bit like being in a dentist’s chair.”
“Yes, which is why I really hope she hurries up,” Michael expressed.
“How long, then, does Nibiru take to traverse its orbit?” Walt reminded himself to ask.
“Thirty-six hundred years,” Michael answered simply.
“Hmph,” Walt scratched at his chin, “So that means you’ve got roughly sixteen-hundred years left before you’re back so close we could see you with the naked eye, right?”
“Yes, approximately.”
Walt and Michael continued to wait in silence as Michael allowed Walt time to digest the information he’d been given.
“An?” Walt suddenly picked up on the name and its insinuation. “The same ‘An’ that turned over his crown and um… ‘mantle’, to his son whom you now call ‘the Lord Yaweh’? Given your timeline, that suggests this An was alive when the Dinosaurs went extinct?!?”
“Yes. As I said, for all intents and purposes, our race is nearly immortal in comparison to yours. Gold, and similar minerals, play a large role in our longevity as well,” Michael affirmed.
“Let him not also discover the Fruit of the Tree of Life, lest he become immortal, as we,” Walt muttered, his mind grasping at a passage from the Bible.
Michael looked over his shoulder and smiled a wise and crafty grin.
“You know what gets me about all of this?” Walt stood up, sliding his back along the tree, anger rising in his voice despite the euphoric feeling running through his veins. Michael simply cocked his head with what appeared to be an attempt to understand written on his features.
“All of this tells me that you bastards have been holding us Humans hostage! Managing us like we’re nothing more than children to be kept in their playpens, pets that need to faithfully obey their masters lest they be put down! You could’ve come down and explained all of this to us LONG ago but NO, you have to go and keep us like ants in an antfarm, or like… fish… in a fishbowl!
What for? Why not just let us know what the hell has been going on all this time? Why the secrecy? Why ‘divert our astronomers’ from figuring out where Nibiru is? Why observe us from the Moon? What is it for? To laugh at us and say, hey, look at all those stupid humans and the stupid savage things they do!?!
God forbid they might become as powerful and as well knowledgeable as US! The depth of this hypocrisy is just… just… too much to comprehend,” Walt shook his head as it slumped down between his shoulders. His voice was beginning to slur like a man who’d had one too many. “I mean,” he said softer as he focused on breathing, “What gives you the God Damned Right!”
Michael nodded grimly, showing some forced compassion for Walt’s anger. “Keep in mind, Walter Steele; We did create you.
The work was simply too difficult for us, the environment so unfitted to our biology. So, after a revolt on Earth, the idea was put forth to manufacture a primitive worker who could work the mines for us. Life on Earth and Nibiru had both evolved along similar lines as it came from the same basic seed of life. We found a primate that was destined to become something much like ourselves and we gave it a boost. We bred our own genetics into theirs and viola, Homo Sapien was born. Ever since, managing you has been almost as much a task as the work we sought to avoid.
The Lord was named Enlil in those days. He had been given command of the Earth mission. Many humans had escaped to the wild to reproduce on their own. They developed civilizations and cultures that challenged his authority.
In response, and in admiration, he requested a race of man to be made more advanced, one to be a lordly race. But their savagery stunned even He when the second generation slew one of its own. He nevertheless showed them compassion and mercy and sent them out, under monitoring, to live amongst the others. He supported the pure, morally upstanding line of them and continued to be let down repeatedly by their savage behavior.
An era shift arrived which would precipitate a major climate change on Earth. He foresaw this and decided to allow the shift, which would allow the polar ice cap on Antarctica to slip off the land to melt away in the ocean, to eradicate life on Earth once more, thinking He would start over.
But in his mercy, He saved one of his line, the most pious to have been among them, and gave that man the tool to recover a civilization. In this way, He wiped clean the slate where human transgressions had become so plentiful.
Time and again, He has offered a way for humans to reach a better future and time and again, humans have resisted him and struck forward to find their own way. If there is to be a peace between us, this cannot be allowed. Look around,” Michael gestured to the glorious lands surrounding them. “This world knows no more war.
Yours, on the other hand, threatens all its citizens with nuclear devastation! You have not yet grown, spiritually, as a people, despite all of our efforts to assist you without stripping you of your rights to self-determination, enough to be accepted here as equals!
If left entirely to your own devices, it is beyond clear, that you would develop space faring capacities, strike forth to new worlds, and seek to establish what you always do over all those you encounter – dominance – with the only option remaining, that of DEATH!” Michael, too had grown somewhat angry, though his tone deviated only slightly more aggressive than his standard calm delivery.
“Hmph,” Walt glowered in response, “Like Father, Like Son eh?”
Michael’s eyes suddenly grew wide with fury and his skin began to turn a shade of red. The feathers on his wings crumpled and latched together, morphing into a leathery flesh. Walt backed up into the tree as much as he could, his arms wrapping around its trunk behind him. He could swear the angel’s eyes had lit on fire!
“Du-ka-ni-nos-ki!” a voice cried from above them, interrupting the angel’s rage. “Calm yourself!” Walt looked up to see a beautiful maiden, her golden hair billowing around her as she descended from the sky, forcefulness chiseled into her firmly set jaw, command issuing from her stern blue eyes, golden colored wings spread wide behind her as she floated down to land next to the pair.
The light glow surrounding Michael had vanished and Walt blinked as he thought he saw buds emerging on Michael’s forehead. But as Michael turned to lock gazes with the newcomer, he stood erect, closed his eyes and breathed his way back to his pleasant pink self. His wings recovered their feathers and a blood-red tear struck down his cheek. Turning, his eyes plead for forgiveness from Walt as he nodded in shame.
“I… I’m sorry Walt. We all have our limits, you see.” He smiled warmly and a bit sheepishly. “Mistress Inanna, this is Walter Steele. Perhaps you should lead him to the Lord from here. He has proven surprisingly capable of destabilizing me with his human attitudes. You are more comfortable around their living forms anyhow.”
Mistress Inanna was so beautiful that as Walt fully took in her appearance, a lump caught in his throat. Never had he imagined a woman so regal, so powerful, so self-assured, and yet so blasted feminine it could stop a frog’s heart! He hadn’t recalled ever feeling so powerfully aroused at the simple sight of a woman since his teen years. Her beauty was entirely beyond the simple realm of the flesh… it radiated like an exotic energy from her. Before he knew it a name blurted from his lips, “Aphrodite…” and he went to a knee in some involuntary reverence.
“Quite correct,” she praised him verbally with mirth in her voice. “To the Greeks that is, though I was also known to some of them as Athena, and I was Venus to the Romans. You must have had a past life in that Bronze Age, Walter.” Her voice was so honey soaked that it caused Walt to blush upon hearing it.
Turning to Michael, she said, “Very well. I thought you had simply requested a density harness, but I can take him from here.” Walter suddenly realized he was hearing this conversation between them purely within the confines of his mind.
“That would be best, Mistress,” Michael nodded and kissed her dainty hand as he bowed. Re-addressing Walter aloud, he added, “No hard feelings between our souls, Walter Steele. I shall avail you of your ship when you return.” He then turned and glided off to vanish into the brilliant orb from whence they came.
Walter felt a bit nervous, being left by Michael. Despite the… demonic… display, he had nevertheless grown more comfortable around his guide. THIS woman, however, tested his nerves to their limits. He simply could not find any words to utter in her presence.
“I don’t know what you said to him but you really got his goat, huh? We don’t often see such manifestations here on Nibiru.” She smiled a devilishly charming crooked grin while she switched to address him verbally.
“I… I… just explained some of my grievances for the treatment we’ve received as a species,” Walt stammered out.
“Ah… yes. I would think there would be many,” she nodded in understanding. “Here, we should be moving along. As I understand it, Enlil wishes to speak with you as soon as possible.” She handed him a gold threaded harness with a copper studded belt.
As he donned the device with some awe and wonder, he noted, “Enlil… you used his ‘original’ name, as I’ve been told it was, not ‘The Lord God’ or Yaweh.”
Giggling, she answered, “Yes, well, he’s my Grandfather. I am one of the few who may call him as I wish. And I like to remind him of the person he used to be before An passed along. He gets lost in his connection to creation, you see. And it doesn’t hurt him to be brought back a peg now and again.”
Walt couldn’t help but stare at her as he donned the harness, clicking it into place, finding his whole body felt far lighter as soon as it clasped shut. “Hmph…” he meekly grumbled. Jesus, she’s so damned beautiful! Yet so… strong, muscular, in perfect shape! She’s like a warrior goddess! Confident, poised, in little more than a silken robe…
“You know, Walter, we’ve all been watching you intently, too,” she interrupted his thoughts, obviously telepathically and acutely aware of his fixed rapture on her bodice.
“Me? What, because I made that crude ship?” Walt had been feeling overwhelmingly dwarfed and outclassed by these angels ever since he was thrust into the interior of the Moon.
“Well, partly. It does speak loudly of the capacity of mankind. But it’s more than that. You, Walter, are one of those rare individuals that come along every now and then and make a big splash in the grand scheme of things. We’re absolutely fascinated to see which way you will go from here. And some of us are a bit afraid too.”
Jesus… so pretty… her eyes are like the purest pools of clear water… Shaking his head, he asked, “Of me?”
She giggled and added, “Oh, I’m not. But some of us are concerned about the direction you may be headed and where you will take it. Enlil has decided to allow it all, in his usual way, to test the heart of humanity again. We’re at the precipice of a great many changes on Earth and He has decided you would be one of its judges, whether you accept the task or not. But let me not divulge much further on the matter, for it is unwise for a person, especially a human, to know too much about his own destiny.”
Nodding blankly, Walt scrambled to wrap his mind around what she had just told him. “Ok, so I won’t ask much more about that then,” he said as she took his hand and began gliding, along with him, held aloft by his harness at her whim. With a few thrusts of her powerful wings, they made their way towards the great mountain in the distance. The air passed quietly past his ears, allowing him the silence to hear his own thoughts.
After a time in flight over the most beauteous landscape he could imagine, focusing much of his attention on memorizing the geometric patterns of the landscape in case he needed to make his way back, he finally gave up, realizing he would never get back without equivalent aid. It was just too… organized and complex for him to memorize all the patterns below. He also noted that, with this harness donned, he seemed to be recovering some of his cognizance. It must be somehow filtering out some of the excess oxygen, he figured.
Eventually, he turned to ask, “So you’ve been watching me huh?”
“Many of us have, yes. Particularly among the counsel of 12 that has ruled our lands and our ways since long before we colonized Earth. I am among them. Thus I have had you under close observation. We need no cameras to achieve this, simply meditation.
Men speak of guardian angels watching over them. It’s true, you know. We station many of our own in pods among Kingu’s slain flesh, fixed in meditation over their own section of the population of Earth, assigned to them to watch over and aid where assistance is possible from such a position. Some of these guardians are more telekinetic than others so, unfortunately, some people have stronger guardian angels and some weaker. You may feel we’ve been some kind of tyrant species keeping humanity at bay, but we’ve also been your guardians and your friends all along.”
Walt nodded, glimpsing an understanding of Michael’s rage. “But ME? I mean, cummon! Ok, so I won’t ask about ‘destiny’ and all that but tell me this… What the hell was up with that black guy that bounced around all over the place, and his master… Lucky they called him? And what was going on with that guy that was impersonating a cop when he pulled us over and got in a rampaging conflict with the Bouncer? WHO WERE those people?!? And what were they after?”
Mistress Inanna sighed before she answered, somewhat sadly, but with a hint of mischief on her lips as well, “The man you call ‘Lucky’ serves my Great Uncle, Enki. He has set himself at war with Enlil over the fate of mankind. They wanted you to defy Enlil’s ultimate command that no human shall be allowed independent space faring capabilities, so as to test his reaction to your ‘flight’.
You see, Enki’s son, Marduk, you may know him also as Ra, or even, in his arrogance, Amen-Ra, of the Egyptian pantheons, had commanded Nimrud, a human King under his jurisdiction, to build the tower that you know so famously as ‘the tower of Babel’. This was not just a tower to reach into the heavens, but it was a launch platform for a ship to be placed fully in human control. I think you know the story from there. Enlil was beyond furious and has kept humanity at odds with itself to retain control ever since.
This ‘tower of Babel’ achievement is not unlike what you have done yourself. Such a ship would have been capable of exposing all of our secrets, much as you have done. Enlil responded with great fury when that ‘tower’ was built. And Enki sent his minions to assist you so as to test his current outlook on humanity achieving spaceflight under something other than His guidance.
Personally, I find the whole ordeal quite amusing. My uncle is a crafty one and I can’t deny I admire him for that. He set you on this path, you know. Well… YOU did that, but he has been aiding you all along. You may wish to really press your friend… Dave is it? On why he really left that base… Area 51, right?”
“Yeah…” Walt couldn’t say much more at this point. His head was spinning. And THIS was the LORD he was about to meet? He could be finding his flesh stripped from his bones in his near future, he mused.
“Don’t worry. My Grandfather, too, is clever. He has decided to play into His brother’s machinations rather than destroying them outright, as he may have done in the past. He’s going to test you, yes, but you’re up to a challenge, aren’t you Walt?”
“Uh… yeah. That aughta be obvious by now, right?” But while he put on a brave front, in the back of his mind, he was quivering in terror. He was beginning to view himself as a very little fish waking up to realize he was swimming in a pool of sharks. “Wait… which side are YOU on? I can see why Michael was avoiding explaining everything quite like you have. He’s clearly sided with Yahweh, Jehovah, Enlil, whatever you wish to call Him. But you… you’re telling me things I’m surprised to hear from an… angel.” Such a fitting term for such a beautiful…
Interrupting his wandering thoughts once more, Mistress Inanna answered wryly, “My husband was one of Enki’s sons. While I remain true to my family, I am empathetic to our, **sigh**, enemy, no… rival let’s say.
Your prominent playwright, Shakespeare, drew his inspiration from my sad tale.
There was a time when Enlil had decided to retreat from Earth for a time and allowed the rest of us to teach mankind the arts of war in a strategy game of dominance. I took a prominent role in this in hopes of bringing a peace between our clans.
Unfortunately, our supremacy game got so far out of hand that Marduk claimed that dominance. And in the process, Enlil was greatly angered at the unnecessary jabs taken at his own priesthoods… to the extent that we created such a vast devastation that went so far beyond what any of us had intended.
Suffice it to say, ever since, I have towed the party line. But I still admire my Great-Uncle and his machinations. And if he were to come victorious in the end, I would immediately support him as I do Enlil now. That’s pretty unlikely indeed, but you never know. Free radical players in this game,” slyly she paused, “like you, Walter… can sway things drastically.”
With that, they alighted at the edge of a long golden gate that surrounded a great ivory palace at the base of the mountain before them. Two imposing angels stood at the gates with scintillating swords drawn and driven into the ground before them, their hands grasping at the hilt like stern statues.
“Don’t worry about them, Walt,” Inanna stated. “Normally, my brother, Shamash - there on the left, you would know him as ‘St. Peter’, would submit you to a life review process at this point before being graced with an audience with Enlil. But he has been instructed to omit this procedure and allow you to carry on unhindered.”
The angelic guard on the left, dressed in sparkling golden chain mail affixed with a blazing sun symbol in his chest, nodded solemnly.
“So, Walter Steele? Are you ready to face my Grandfather? Are you ready to look into the face of ‘God’?” This she stated with a hint of cynicism. “Or do you have more questions for us first? Be clear, he has instructed no further sharing of any degree of knowledge between us after his meeting with you, though I imagine you may ask some questions of him as well, though you may not be able to bring such questions to mind in his presence. This would be the time to clear anything up that you still have on your mind.”
“Hmph,” Walter stated as he looked these medieval guards up and down in awe, trying desperately to pull his thoughts together, while looking deep into his own soul to make sure it was clear enough to take these next steps.
Alright… I know some of you may feel I completely ignored all advice. But I really had to explain this stuff!!! And I’ve STILL got some leftover questions remaining here – mostly, ‘what’s up with the anal probes’ which I take to mean, who are the grey aliens everyone talks about abducting us and such. There is an interesting answer to that question, of course, and if you feel the answer to this question is pressing enough to insist on getting that answered now, let me know. Otherwise, how should Walt proceed from here? Ask more questions of Mistress Ananna? Or should he face God now? Or something else entirely?
And look… I have a lot of personal doubts regarding the pseudoscientific theory of Nibiru. But I figured I’d embrace it here for the sake of creating an overall paradigm model for my work of fiction, one that supports the deeper concern that a host of very real evidence points to regarding the roots and origins of mankind, and what that suggests about our ‘place’ in the universe. Naturally, these assertions presented as fact in this little fantasy parallel universe, are going to threaten anyone’s belief, no matter who you are. If it did, that’s good. We get stuck in our little boxes of belief sometimes  I’m just trying to wiggle the box a bit.
_________________
      
 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
Last edited by Thunderbird on Tue May 31, 2011 2:15 am; edited 3 times in total
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 10:05 pm Post subject: Yay! |
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Yay! 'Nother chapter! Makes me happy! But, for the first time, I have some pokes to make.
Up intill now, you've managed to maintain infodump that are entertaining ehough to not seem like info dumps. But this time.....I felt there was way too much talk without at least little movement breaks. Shifting feel, looking around, rubbing head. Y'know, moments for the reader to take a few breaths befoer going on with the more numerous, abite relivent, facts and need-to-know info. I'd have to say the paragraphs of talking with eratic(At least as far as it comes across to me) breaks in them. Not 100% sure on this one, but I dun' think I've seen much, if ever, 3 paragraphs of talking with only one set of ""....I don't think I've ever seen a paragraph pf speach without a " at the beginnning and a " at or near the end. It was a bit......Well let's just say it threw me off on ocassion. I had to go back a few times and remind myself someone was talking.
So, not trying to be to critical, but some breathing spots, and some work on the speech sections would be nice!
MOVEING ON! Loving the snap reaction to seeing Aphrodite. Very *BAM* of you. I like it! *Grins* OH! And I actually started clapping and hooting at the use of Tiamat in there! Made me do some hard spins and dances inside my head. My neice is known as Tiamat, and she's my 2nd favorite dragon! I'm so proud and glad at your understanding of Her and Her ways. I did feel a little wave of dissapointment that Bahamut was left out, and it seemed like you made all Dragons evil. Tugged a little at my Dragonologist heart. BUT< a happy addative in there with Tiamat! *Big thumbs up* Laways nice to see someone with a decent understanding of my fav creature. *Shift eyes* And they're not all dead, in my mind. They're just hideing.....*Evil grin*
The Michael overlode seemed a little out of character, but then again, he's right. You can only take so much. He seemed a little too human in this last chapter, but I guess you could atribute it to spending so much time around one. *Sticks out tongue*
Over all, a fun, little head massing, devious chapter! A great addition to an already wonderful story....I really wanna see her have to answer that question. And, I know this is a little demanding, but could he ignore the fact that she's the godess of sexness(As far as he's concerned) long enouhg to ask it in true Walt fasion? You know what I mean, right? SO, that's my idea. He needs to go all over reaction Walt on her in his nervousness of meating the current god of all creation! Get the blood back from below his belt and into his upper head!
Keep'em comin Thunder-kun. You da bomb!
_________________
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And my first Finished work Death Day
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 6:34 am Post subject: |
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I agree completely. In this chapter I felt I had little choice but to make the error you point out. This is because I'm getting a bit tired of chapters without decision points. There's so much to say and I just want to get it out there and move on. Perhaps in a rework, where I don't feel compelled to reach a decision point between chapters, I can break this stuff up enough for the reader to digest it a bit easier. But as it is the DP goal and trying to keep the chapter cut down enough to read, kinda messes with me at this point, thus you have a more solid info-dump than I would've liked. I suppose I could've switched to another segment to allow for a faster reached DP while giving some info here, but then, that would've taken us away from the current Walt/Thomas alternation threading which is helping to keep me straight.
As for the "" issue, I could be wrong and welcome correction, but if I end a paragraph with " then begin another, in the same character's voice, with ", that's going to suggest that a new character is speaking, which then compells me to indicate, once more, that this is coming from the same character, rather than from the other, since it is legitimate in a dialogue volley to have character A speak, then character B speak, without having to announce who they are, for example:
Rob said, "Hey, I'm talking here."
Dave said, "Yeah, so what?"
"Well, I just felt like I had something to say."
"But you aren't saying much, are you?"
"Well, at least you know who's talking still!"
To get away from this, as I've been told anyhow by my great American education system, which we know can be flawed, is that if a person continues talking and you wish to break paragraphs within their speech (which I felt was necessary quite often here), than you simply leave off the end ", break paras as you please, and add the " at the end of their last paragraph of speech. This doesn't happen too often because usually authors find ways to keep text to one paragraph per person at a time. Unfortunately, trying to keep things as streamlined as possibly, I found that a bit tough here. This is one reason I try to put in so much commentary on how people are feeling and reacting during conversations - excuses to break up the dialogue text.
If I'm wrong about how to go about that, someone needs to let me know!  And perhaps others can offer some insight into the struggles I face in my attempts to deliver this stuff - on how to get it done in a more 'graspable' manner. I realize what I could be mostly struggling with here is impatience. I suppose if I took a bit more time and split this chapter into two or three chapters, adding some more activity, I could get it all out there without being a bit monotonous about it. (Of course, then it just gets tough to keep what's been said and what hasn't all in mind as I go forward - I've wondered if I covered points during this chapter that were already covered elsewhere already, something to catch in a second draft readthrough I suppose...)
And I don't take your comments there as critical. I know I struggled with the points you're making. And I'm not trying to make excuses, but rather I'm looking for suggestions as to how I could have navigated that, with the goals I had in mind, any better.
About the story commentary:
I'm a big fan of the D&D Tiamat and Bahamut thing too. Sadly, Tiamat, the legend, stems from a Sumerian mythology reference that has nothing to do with Bahamut, or, under some insightful theories about that epic, nothing to do with being a Dragon at all, rather, a planet. But then, it CAN be taken a couple of different ways. The Babylonians adopted the same myth and replaced all references to Nibiru with Marduk, but they pretty much did that with most Sumerian myths, replacing Enlil, Kings, etc... deeds claimed by the Sumerians, with Marduk as its central figure. Just goes to show how religious evolution grew back then. Take the stories of your predecessors and fill in the name of your God to glorify the name you want to use this time around.
The battle between Tiamat and Nibiru/Marduk was, nevertheless, quite an interesting epic - the enuma elish. Quite worth a read through. Read purely for its surface value, it could be said to be the first Fantasy story of a knight being sent to hunt down a dragon ever written by man.
Michael's overload was, in part, to show a side of these beings that one might not see too often, to reveal something about angels that the audience should really keep in mind. I have been thinking I may not have dramatised it quite enough actually.
So, you're suggesting, if I'm reading this right, that you'd like him to ask her as well what right the angels have to keep us like cattle so to speak? But really come at her to see what her reaction would be?
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:07 am Post subject: Well... |
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Thanks for the thruroug anwser Thunder-kun!
I would like him to ask like the angry american white man askes any question. e's alreay flustered, so a tactless blerting of an idiotic and ignorant question laced with offence and a small slice of humor was what I had in mind. Does that make any sense?
Thank you for the explination on Tiamat. See, in Dragonology, Tiamat was a dragon created by one of the first wizards as the embodyment of Chaos, which is what alowed the world, and humans, to thrive. Having the vast majority of over active chaos throughout the world gave rise to the first golden age. As the "myth" goes(I hate putting it that way) The first apocolypes was caused by a fight of catalysmic perportions between Tiamat, and Bahamut, King of the metallic(Good) dragons. Bahamut was born of the earth when it was first formed, and still lives today at the earth's core(Oh so my is belief through my research) Those two actually play in intrecal part in my 'No Name Story' series. *Grin* But thanks for the explination of your history(Myth...I still hate that word) you drew from. Makes much more sense to leave Timat's only rival out and dub all dragons evil when he doesn't exist in the myth to begin with!
The Para issue...If you look at my most recent 'To Be A Knight' Chapter, I had a small but sizable amout of info dumping myself. If you look over how I did my little break ups, you'll get my idea over little "breathers" as I like to call them. It just helps to have them, but I understand if it's hard to come up with one every paragraph. I head-desked several times trying to think of as many as I did. (Head-desking is when your head just plops down on to your desk with a thud in a vain atemped to help your brain work better). *Grin* I'm glad to see how much you value my oppinion, makes me happy!
Thanks for taking the time to respond. *Bows* I hope I helped.
_________________
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And my first Finished work Death Day
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:29 am Post subject: Heavy |
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The Anal Probes question was a joke. Don't answer it, please.
There is a lot of info here, but it isn't really as much of an info dump as you've made it out to be. Don't forget the info came in the form of stories. I would embrace that side of the info more, leave Walt and the Michael for a while and explore the story of Nibiru being cast into deep space and battling Tiamat and the beginnings of mankind. It seems to deserve a full fledged flashback, if it is so important to the story that it can not be skipped. If this is what Heavy Metal is about, then it isn't just about what Walt does next.....
Wait... Heavy Metal... the story is about these beings collecting gold? I did wonder what the title had to do with the story....
Anyway, it is a very long chapter and I prefer short chapters, but one way or the other, I'm ready to meet God and see about this test. I would ask just one last question:
Are humans still giving gold to these aliens?
--------------------------GRAMMAR SECTION-------------------------------
Grammatically, if you have dialogue longer than one paragraph, there are two conventions. Either you put the dialogue in block format and have no quotation marks, or you exclude the closing quotation marks from the end of all paragraphs except the final, and you continue using opening quotation marks on each paragraph. http://www.quotation-marks.com/
Here is an example in block format:
Then Lebrenth said,
Here is a paragraph. It will be short. Not too short, or else it will look completely wrong. Actually, it still looks too short; when will I have enough sentences for a paragraph?
Then I have another paragraph. This paragraph is the same person talking, but I'm done after this.
And here is the example in quotation marks:
"Here is a paragraph," Lebrenth said. "It will be short. Not too short, or else it will look completely wrong. Actually, it still looks too short; when will I have enough sentences for a paragraph?
"Then I have another paragraph. This paragraph is the same person talking, but I'm done after this."
_________________
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Please visit my Library of completed works.
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D-Lotus
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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Way better than Ch. 16. You took my advice and started to create a narrative, which was excellent. Then you interpolated it with some more dialogue. Which was a bit disappointing because it felt that you weren't completely committed to the narrative, but overall it was a more effective strategy and much easier to follow.
I don't think there is anything wrong with long monologues per se, it's about the way they are crafted; The Brothers Karamazov contains a famous scene where one brother invites another to have a drink and then spills forth a 20 pg monologue on religion. But it's great because he weaves a tale into it, responds to his brother's reactions by anticipating his questions, etc.
So now my stylistic advice is this: Make the long explanations more narrative-like, and then interpolate it with short, concise dialogue. It will absorb the reader more. Because right now what you have is fragments of narrative and heavy, interrupted dialogues. So try to find an equilibrium as I have suggested.
As for the DP, if I were Mr. Steele, I'd want to go to God and ask him: What is consciousness?
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: Heavy |
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| Lebrenth wrote: |
There is a lot of info here, but it isn't really as much of an info dump as you've made it out to be. Don't forget the info came in the form of stories. I would embrace that side of the info more, leave Walt and the Michael for a while and explore the story of Nibiru being cast into deep space and battling Tiamat and the beginnings of mankind. It seems to deserve a full fledged flashback, if it is so important to the story that it can not be skipped. If this is what Heavy Metal is about, then it isn't just about what Walt does next..... |
For a novel version, you're absolutely right. So that's something to consider when reworking into that form. And yeah, you make a good point that patience might have been a wise virtue to apply here. Perhaps I should've drawn this chapter out into two at least.
| Lebrenth wrote: | Wait... Heavy Metal... the story is about these beings collecting gold? I did wonder what the title had to do with the story....
Anyway, it is a very long chapter and I prefer short chapters, but one way or the other, I'm ready to meet God and see about this test. I would ask just one last question:
Are humans still giving gold to these aliens? |
The title has a few connotations and congrats on being the first to point out one of them, the one that lies at the heart of the story. Good question, btw!
[quote="Lebrenth]And here is the example in quotation marks:
"Here is a paragraph," Lebrenth said. "It will be short. Not too short, or else it will look completely wrong. Actually, it still looks too short; when will I have enough sentences for a paragraph?
"Then I have another paragraph. This paragraph is the same person talking, but I'm done after this."[/quote]
Ah... this is where I've gone wrong. Thank you for pointing out the correct 'rule' on that. It's funny, when I started here, I couldn't even frame quotations anywhere near correctly. Seems I'm coming full circle here in a stage of learning - back around to the next valuable point on how to deliver dialogue. Just goes to show there never comes a time when we can say, "Well, now I know everything about that." Again... thank you for showing the way there.
@D: As always, with your critiques, as good as they are, the first hurdle in learning to apply them is understanding them. But I think I sorta kinda grasp what you're getting at.
When you say I interpolated the narrative with dialogue, you mean when I injected the narrated description of Walt's reaction in the middle there? I wondered how that would come across but I couldn't resist... seemed to be important to point out how out of sync those sections were to his paradigm. In this way, I offer empathy to the scientific minded reader out there living in our empirical world, hoping to aid them in setting aside their disbelief for a bit in order to adapt to the new worldview being presented. But you suggest that rather than keeping that in narrative, breaking the narrative with a rapid dialogue clip instead? I think I've read that done a number of times and its a good idea, if that's what you're suggesting.
In a sense, I get the impression that it would've been ok, from your perspective, to keep everything in a less interrupted narrative dialogue from Michael so that the story may be delivered in a more streamlined fashion. Is this partly what you're getting at? Interrupted briefly by some occasional feedback and questions from Walt? Would it thus have been unnecessary to have bracketed off the 'history lesson' and allow the narrative to come from Michael more naturally?
I really respect your advice in this department and take this as a great learning experience to hear from all of you on these matters.
And you all are presenting very different, equally valid options for the next poll on this chapter. Should be quite interesting actually. I had almost decided to make the DP simply, How does Walt FEEL right now, as he is about to meet with God, having heard all that he has?
I think, while I decided that would not be the current DP, that's an equally valid question to ask - and your answers could help me to shape the next, rather important, segment in this plot thread.
And again, thanks to all for reading and commenting! Some really great feedback here.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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What I meant is very simple. You have parts of your chapter that read more like a narrative and other parts that read like a dialogue. In Ch. 16 you only had dialogue. It was a severe imbalance. In this chapter, you decided to mix it up a bit and it worked better. What I am suggesting is that it could work even better still if you maximized your narrative and minimized your dialogue. You have to figure out where that point of balance is, but right now I think you still have too much dialogue.
When I say 'narrative' or 'dialogue' I mean it only in a stipulative sense particular to your story. These are not terms to apply universally, I'm sorry if that is confusing. An ex. of narrative in your story:
| Quote: | | Billions of years ago, the planet Nibiru encircled not one, but two stars. |
An ex. of dialogue:
| Quote: | “An?” Walt suddenly picked up on the name and its insinuation. “The same ‘An’ that turned over his crown and um… ‘mantle’, to his son whom you now call ‘the Lord Yaweh’? Given your timeline, that suggests this An was alive when the Dinosaurs went extinct?!?”
“Yes. As I said, for all intents and purposes, our race is nearly immortal in comparison to yours. Gold, and similar minerals, play a large role in our longevity as well,” Michael affirmed. |
Actually, I just found a very nice example of precisely what I am looking for:
| Quote: | Walt nodded. “I see. So the ‘head’ of Tiamat… is Earth? And the Moon… Kingu?”
“Yes,” Michael affirmed. “Life was imparted to Earth then, spread by the fact that we had prolific colonies on the Four Winds. Of course, life was reduced to single cellular status when what remained of it on the winds were picked up again on Earth.
And once more, the damage here on Nibiru that stemmed from the clash was so violent that it knocked civilization back once again. It took us a very long time to recover. What spirits remained of Tiamat and Kingu agreed to affix themselves in such an orbit that would be conducive to this grand new discovery of life. |
You see, in this portion, there was a brief interruption by Walter, but then Michael continued his narrative for a couple of paragraphs.
The reason I advise you to do it this way is because it feels less choppy and more immersive. Honestly, Walter's questions don't give me a voice, they just annoy me. It's like a parrot repeating things I've already thought in my head. I would rather that Michael anticipate my questions and thoughts in his narratives and adresses me directly rather than through an intermediary.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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Very interesting opinion there D. Aside from being lost in the term 'stipulative', you explained yourself well there. So how is it best, then, to transition from 'dialogue' to 'narrative' and back again? That felt rather awkward in my attempt here.
And I'm wondering if everyone shares the sensation you expressed regarding Walt's interjected dialogue? That was certainly an unexpected reaction so its worth some discussion.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 12:51 am Post subject: |
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In some respects, yes I do get that sensation, but not always. IMO, D has found a perfect example in that last quote where the dialogue doesn't work.
To me this example is a variation of the classic "As you know, Bob" gaffe, where in dialogue, one of the characters states the bleedin' obvious to the other, for no apparent reason other than to make sure the reader understands what he's on about.
Sure, Walt may want to double check with the Angel that he has made the connection between what he's being told now and what he previously knew. But it's how you portray him doing this, that is important. With such large amounts of information as this, there needs to be more varied and subtle ways of delivering it through the characters. In chapter 16 you received feedback that you'd over egged the body language aspect, and in this chapter I think perhaps you've gone too far the other way.
Experiment with bringing Walt's internal reactions to the fore in your narrative. You can get away with it more in this situation because the Angel can read his mind.
A crude example: Walt shook his head. (physical reaction) If what she said was true, that meant that An would have been around when the Dinosaurs went extinct. (an internal thought expressed as narrative)
The Angel would then affirm that, and then her story would continue.
Just like the stumbling blocks we try to avoid like word repetition, or starting every sentence with the word 'He...' - this is something that needs variation to get the flavour 'right'.
What I liked about this chapter was that we are starting to see the cracks. We're starting to see that Michael's race is actually just as flawed as humanity. They squabble among themselves, exploit others for their own gain and so on. For humanity, the worst thing they did IMO, was to try to advance the evolution of primates to homo sapiens before they were ready, and are trying to manage the repercussions. I spotted an interesting parallel with this and all the experimentation on genetic modification that's going on atm. (well, as we've been discussing messages and symbolism!)
The most outstanding event of the chapter was Michael losing it. Not only did he show that he was hopeless at explaining a sensitive issue to Walt, but he was unable to contain himself when Walt retalliated. And we got a glimpse of the demonic side of these angels.
Well, its becoming increasingly clear now that Walt is being used as a pawn in what seems to be an internal battle - a battle that is also being played out by these superhuman characters that have been created on Earth.
Going back to an earlier DP, Walt is faced with the choice of going straight home without finding out what is on the moon, or finding out the truth but only to have his memory wiped.
I think he should revisit this question before he has an audience with the Lord. Inanna said something about asking Dave why he left Area 51, which suggests that he will have some memory left.
Additionally, if he is about to play as important a part in the next stage of events as he is led to believe, he needs to secure that there will be something in it for him. And he should be careful with Inanna too - she doesn't have 100% loyalty either way.
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 2:45 am Post subject: |
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In simple terms, no I don't. I like Walt's thoughts. With time between chapters, sometimes him asking the obvious is a convenient reminder. At others, he's asking things I hadn't thought of but are fascinating all the same. Unlike many (it seems) I don't have a partiuclarly good grounding in myths, conspiracy theories, general god related stories, dragon stories or any such. All of it is pretty new to me, so the names can begin to blur a little and reminders help keep them in focus.
For example, whilst the name Michael rings a bell from vague bible lessons as a child, I don't really know who he is. Same goes with the name Aphrodite, Athena - recognisable, but not to anything too specific.
~
That aside I loved the chapter. If anything I only have a thirst for more information, as all put together it's quite the intriguing theory. I'm an athiest, but that doesn't mean I'm not open to there being a 'God', I just would need a lot of evidence, rather than faith, to believe it.
Walt is receiving that evidence, and in his place I'd be lapping it all up with great delight, although perhaps without so much of the anger. I don't see humans as having been mistreated really - we are a horrible species en-masse. Destructive, violent, arrogant. Thankfully the capabilties for the opposite are present too, hinting at our as yet unrealised potential. We are children when it comes to this other race... litterally, figuratively and demonstrably, even if some of us think otherwise. And children stay in their playpen until they grow up a bit. Nothing to get annoyed about.
~
Heavy Metal ... gold. Most amusing. I guess alot of the 'Gold Rush' fevers that spread in the mid 20th Century were perhaps heightened by direct influence from our gold loving parents. And the Alchemists desire to turn base metals into gold.
Doesn't really explain why they have allowed so much gold to sit in Fort Knox for so long. Unless their supplies of the longlife elixir are currently sufficient. Or is Fort Knox security good enough to stop even Angels? *chuckles*
I forget, wasn't the way Walt's Spacecraft works related to gold, or atleast another 'heavy metal'?
~
Michael's anger, transformation was interesting. I too think it was perhaps a little short, a little quick.
~
I didn't really see, or properly grasp an explanation as to why this Mantle of Creation hasn't created more life elsewhere, or why Earth is so important save for perhaps the gold. Afterall, the sun is too small a star to ever get hot enough to create its own gold, so 'God' is restricted to only that which was already here at the creation of the solar system. Perhaps the Earth's gold is easiest to get. This Mantle of Creation is seeming less and less powerful though... it was too hard to get the gold themselves from Earth, so rather than creating a sunhat, and some oxygen masks they create a race of people?
It begins to sound like rather than it being too hard to collect, they just were too lazy or too addicted to their own scientific knowledge. Far more fun to mess with the genetics of the smart monkeys on the planet, create a load of worker beasts. That way you create your own 'Truman Show' soap operas to watch too. Loads of fun.
Of course... like the first humans, messing with Dolly the Sheep, and other controversial genetic areas of study, mistakes were made. Surely the 'Mantle of Creation' wouldn't make mistakes. But an advanced race messing with genetic sciences they don't really fully understand... now that is prone to mistakes. Perhaps Walt could point them towards Star Trek's 'Prime Directive'. Us uneducated children managed to see the need to not interfer with developing cultures, but yet Michael and co haven't. They fiddle and play like children themselves, building castles in their sandpit, and crying as they knock each others sandcastles over. They're not sounding quite so enlightened afterall.
"To the primitive mind, any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic"
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 6:59 am Post subject: |
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Wow... really great feedback and commentary from both of you there!
@CF: You suggested some nice and delicate, crafty means of avoiding the irritation D was feeling, while providing the effect I was hoping to have that Smee pointed out. I often get lost in narratives and miss a bunch of pertinent information without such reflections, myself. Maybe its an ADD thing. But your suggestion to use his thoughts more often than his speech seems to find a nice middle-ground, where Michael is, to a degree, both 'anticipating' Walt's curiosities, while at the same time offering some reflection and wrap-up. In that particular example, I played it that way because I wasn't sure if a reader would have made clearly inferred Tiamat's head being Earth and Kingu being the Moon. For the less astronomically minded, it may have been a bit confusing and the wrap up would have been what was necessary to take from it all. Put in thoughs might make it come across less grating for those who were following it along perfectly without his help. And it could have been delivered without 'dialogue' from Walt at all, allowing me to stay 'in Michael' as he pauses to note Walt's thoughts and weave his understanding of them into his dialogue. Insightful.
Real advanced critiquing here!
And yes, I've often considered that a valuable symbolic parallel that makes it worth considering this possible means of Humanity's Genesis IS indeed that it could become our own future, to manage a species of our own design. Is the 'present' of the angels to become our 'future'?
I'm going to remind you that the earlier DP you mentioned was between staying to learn the truth VS being returned ignorant of the encounter entirely. Walt, in his conspiracy mindedness, went on to assume that this also meant that if he were to stay, they would eventually wipe his memories anyhow. It is good you pointed this out, though, because perhaps I should allow Walt to make the same connection you just did about what she said and its connotation that assures him that now that he has stayed to meet with them, he will be allowed to keep his memories - and the hint that he will be capable of making it back.
And how would you suggest he 'secure that there will be something in it for him'?
-Insightful regarding Inanna...
@ Smee: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter Smee! And thanks for giving a reflection on the preceeding feedback from another angle. That helps to get a more complete view of how to navigate these sorts of scenes in the future (and during reworks ) I'm thinking all perspectives can be taken into account there.
What you described yourself as sounds more agnostic than atheist btw. (There could be a God but prove it!) I've been hoping someone from the audience would find the Enlil camp's perspective rational to balance out those who find it out of line. I've been allowing Walt's reactions to be a reflection of the sum total of the reactions I've been receiving from the audience here, so now he has a bit of cause to consider that they MIGHT be a bit more reasonable about things than he has so far been assuming.
Funny you should bring up Fort Knox in all this I won't say more on that out of story. And yes, it was monoatomized gold that allowed Walt's ship its anti-gravity capabilities. Since mono-atomic gold actually gains or loses mass in the conventional physics sense, when heated or cooled, when superheated, it can actually become a 'negative' mass, thus negative weight, thus antigravitational. This was the technology that Dave brought to Walt from Area 51.
Yeah... was really chiding myself yesterday on the drive home from work about how I should have added a lot more detail to that scene where Michael flips. At the time I was writing it, I was trying to keep it short so as to stay more 'in real time' for the reader, to give it that sense of suddenness. I think I may have made it too brief though. Worth reevaluation on the future rework.
You're right that I didn't outright explain more about the power of the Mantle of Creation. But you're also right that I've been insinuating a lot about what it cannot do... or what its wielders will not do for whatever reason. I figured I would address this point more pointedly during the 'conversation with God' to come. Some good reflections being offered there for that chapter though so thank you for that!
And again... Thanks for reading!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Lebrenth
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 6:59 am Post subject: |
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| Smee wrote: | | In simple terms, no I don't. I like Walt's thoughts. With time between chapters, sometimes him asking the obvious is a convenient reminder. |
I'm with Smee on this one. Walt's questions are useful and appropriate. Even if he seems to repeat obvious things, he has a tone that suggests he's very skeptical, which adds emotion to the scene. That culminates until the angel loses his temper. The angel losing his temper certainly does suggest his race is not so enlightened. He's angry for not getting credit for something his race has been deliberately trying to hide. It would be like a teacher getting angry at his students for not believing the world was round when it was the teacher himself who repeatedly taught them it was flat. He ought to feel guilty or sympathetic, not angry.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 7:05 am Post subject: |
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You posted just after I did, Lebby!
Thanks for the added reflection on the subject. And what a nicely delivered insight on the angel's behavior. Some great thoughts there!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry it took me a while, couldn't seem to find an uninterrupted half hour in which to properly take it all in.
Wow! That is alot of information in there, TB! But actually, I enjoyed it. It makes for some fascinating reading, much like the last Walt chappie. And I did approve of it being broken up slightly, with Walt's questions. I think if it hadn't been, I may well have got 'lost' in the information, and also, it does do to have reminders of the questions that need asking. And it does help those of us who are, lets say, not quite so well educated as others, to follow the story better. Though, at the same time, looking at CFs example, I can see that it would also work very well, probably better in some cases. But I personally wasn't at all bothered by Walt's dialogue whilst I was reading the chapter, before looking at the other comments.
I love the way that the angels have a much more 'human' feel to them, what with the possibility of flaws, such as Michael losing his temper, or Inanna's 'hint of mischief'on her lips. It adds more of a realness to the concept, and stops it from being too preachy, and it gives the characters personality, and, in turn, slight relatability, rather than them being these perfect beings.
I also liked the idea of the planets being entities within themselves, and the stories that came with such an idea. Very well done!
I can't actually think of any questions to add to those already said. If I was in Walt's shoes, I would very likely fall to pieces, and be a gibbering wreck, so trying to imagine what I myself might ask in such a situation proved a little difficult. If I do think of any, I'll post them in later.
Very much enjoyed, as always TB!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Tika wrote: | | I love the way that the angels have a much more 'human' feel to them, what with the possibility of flaws, such as Michael losing his temper, or Inanna's 'hint of mischief'on her lips. It adds more of a realness to the concept, and stops it from being too preachy, and it gives the characters personality, and, in turn, slight relatability, rather than them being these perfect beings. |
And that's what made the last chapter 'preachy', right? I mean, Michael, like many angels, came off as a little full of himself, perfectly balanced, like he felt like he were a superior being and that was simply to be understood. I was actually trying to set him up in ch 16 for a momentary 'fall' here so as to enhance the impact of his... shall we say, 'humanity', bleeding through.
My only concern with the feedback was that it seemed I may not have allowed the 'preachy' nature to reflect on Michael alone, and let a bit too much of it reflect on the author. But I think I've had some feedback that may help with that in a second draft.
I figure at first, if we were to encounter an alien race, we would be star-struck, awe-inspired, and pretty much overall blown away and dwarfed in feelings of insecurity... if it were an angel that we were encountering, with all those legendary traits and features, this feeling would be all the more overwhelming.
But with familiarity, we would begin to see in them, no matter how advanced they may be, a kinship, an emotional recognition of similiarity that would eventually, if not suddenly, rip them from the pedestal we placed them on.
I have attempted, here, to, in the short span of a few chapters, transition through these stages for Walt, and hopefully for the audience as well. And this is why it was, in many ways, a good thing that the last Walt chappie was percieved as 'preachy' - it set up the most important point I had to make in this one.
And I'm pleased to see that across the board, everyone reading so far has had that 'holy' perception of the angels equally shattered enough to reveal the humanity within them.
Now, at the core of this revelation lies the unique responses I've heard from various readers (I've got a couple who read this at work too ) Let's put aside the questioning for a moment and ask ourselves:
If this 'scenario' were to be delivered to you in such a point blank, this is the way it is, and perhaps even more 'evidence-supported' manner, aka, THEY, in all their flaws AND higher evolution, came down and admitted their involvement in our planet all along, would you obey them as parents, or resist them as tyrants? Or something in between? THAT debate is what I have sought, more than anything, to present to your own personal consideration. There is no wrong answer... but surely a wide variety of opinion.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Tue May 03, 2011 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| Obey them, learn their technology, and then use it against them. It's the story of almost all subjected groups.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 3:14 pm Post subject: |
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What with we ourselves being the superior creatures on this planet, taking and using the resources as we see fit, and not usually giving a fig about the effects of our actions on others, I think that it's safe to say, as a race, in its entirety, we wouldn't take kindly to another race suddenly entering the picture, and trying to tell us what to do. We've fought each other, over the centuries, either for independance, or to gain control over others. It's in our natures to want to be top dog, even individually in most cases, and it's also in our natures to be independant and do our own thing, even if it means going against rules that we know are placed for our own good (such as in the case of a teenager rebelling against parents, and going out taking drugs/drinking/smoking ect). I'm not sure that even the promise of a perfect, peaceful world would be enough to sway us from that way of thinking.
If asked personally how I would react, if the promise was for said perfection, I don't actually know. The world can be an awful place at the moment, and so many things about it seem so wrong to me. But, even in myself, I can feel that rebel side pushing to the surface on occassion, despite my views on how the world should be. I don't think I would immediately outright resist them, but I would question it, much in the same way as Walt. I think most people, if they discovered such a thing, as an individual, would do the same, and very few would just go along with it unquestioningly. It is when massed together that complete resistance would take hold.
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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NOW POLLING!
Bit of a speed poll this time as I'm running a bit late on schedule for starting this process. So get those votes in cuz new chapter's comin' this weekend!
Thanks for following Heavy Metal!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Missed votes from Pope and Lebby (among those following and caught up so far) but the interesting thing about this poll is how, on IF at least, its a four way tie with one vote spread over many different options. Interesting indeed. I'm wondering what that says about this DP.
Anyhow, due to divided opinions, apparently, it is Tome's vote that sways the decision into a final direction.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 11:44 pm Post subject: |
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Why? It seems as though one option got 2 votes.
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 Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue May 31, 2011 1:59 am Post subject: |
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Unfortunately, I forgot to lock the poll... began writing just after making that last post so all votes coming in thereafter were a bit late. Sorry. I WILL however, respect your votes, and your desire to understand that aspect of things and will therefore address it in a future chapter.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Walt gets just one more question for Inanna before heading off to meet with God. What shall it be? |
| What right do the angels have to keep us like cattle? |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Are humans still giving gold to these aliens? |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| What is consciousness? (suggested as asking God but this would be to ask Inanna - God may divulge some understanding of this either way.) |
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33% |
[ 2 ] |
| Why has policy changed? Why am I going to be allowed to remember all this? |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Why has God not used his 'Mantle of Creation' to create life on other planets or to get the gold effortlessly? I don't see what's stopping him. |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Ask nothing and simply confront Enlil now. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| Author Vote |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
| Who Voted: Crunchyfrog, D-Lotus, Emperor, Smee, Thunderbird, Tikanni Corazon |
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