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Thunderbird
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 Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:55 am Post subject: |
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I enjoyed this, as always. Rat's attack scene was nice but I would maybe seek to break up some of those paragraphs so as to allow the reader to more thoroughly digest the coreography (sp?).
A secret passage behind a filing cabinet? What kind of police station IS this? There's more to that... this indicates a great deal of foresight and planning to have some seriously top secret things going on at this location. No municipality would have gone to that extent so the funding comes from elsewhere and was somehow woven into the intention of a police station as a front (and that adds the benefit of having armed guards there at all times as well.) We do need to find out more and here's where we can kill two birds with one stone.
It would be pretty much wrong of us to NOT go help this rare example of a living human being. Saving her would be potentially akin to saving the entire human race, as would the saving of any survivor who wouldn't try to kill us right now. So yeah, we can't ignore our moral duty to do something to help her. Furthermore, she seems to know what the Red Room was all about and that's something WE need to know a LOT more about. Perhaps the key to the origin, and perhaps a cure as well to the curse of, these shufflers can be derived by following this line of inquiry.
Escape will only do us so well until the shufflers eventually catch up to us. There's no way its contained in just Eternia... if it was, the gov woulda nuked the city long ago... no... the epidemic has obviously spread so far and wide that Eternia is just one place among the shuffling herds, though perhaps it IS ground zero.
So, yeah, no question in my mind... we need to rescue our radioed benefactor.
_________________
      
 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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| Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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Another awesome chapter! I love Rat so much right now.
This lady obviously has information on her and if she had a safe way out of the police station, she may have a safe way out of the city itself. I'd suggest saving her and finding out who she is and what she knows.
_________________
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.
Check out my SG, Freedom's Call! Chapter 4 - Part 2 is up NOW! In Skiffiville!
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Have you seen my ninja? He's around here somewhere... Qk
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:45 am Post subject: Chapter 10 - Bus Trip |
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Biz Bit: Ok. No poll. You guys all agreed. Thank you...thank you...I love you all...I owe each of you a hug and a drink
"We saving the girl and that's that," I said as I opened my eyes and looked up to Ana. I shook my head and lifted a hand before a single word escaped her. "Now. We're doing it. End of discussion. She has answers that we need. Like why the police station is built more like a secret fucking lair. So take whatever doubts you have about her. Or anger you have toward other living breathing humans trying to save your hide and just bury them deep. You put me in command, remember. I didn't volunteer, you volunteered me. So just shut up and follow me."
I turned toward the door and started toward in. Behind me I could hear both Rat's and Ana's footsteps following me. A small part of me wanted to smile but I found myself unable too. A large quantity of doubt was creeping into my mind. What if Ana was right? What if getting out of the city should be priority one. What if further exposure to this monster infested nightmare was the wrong choice? They had put me in charge and I was taking risk with their lives. W
I did my best to shake away the negative thoughts as I strolled down the police station steps, stopping when I reached our motorbikes. Both were on the ground with their tires slashed. I sighed and looked around for any other vehicles. Nothing. The either walked or were delivered here, my guess being the latter. Guess they were kinda smart after all.
I looked to the girls and sighed. I looked around before halfway down the block where a bus stop sat. It was a small metal building, consisting of three walls and a roof. Inside sat a bench with a dead shuffler bum leaning against it, his semi-fresh blood and brain matter, covering the face of a real estate agent. On the back wall was a map of the city with the route of the bus outlined in red. I leaned in studied it. My eyes scanned it quick.
I found our location first, near the police station on Monroe Avenue. I traced along the bus route, watching the streets as I did so. After a minute or so, I finally found it. Broadway. It was quite a distance from us. It would take at least an two and a half hours on foot and in that moment, I could almost feel all hope for answers slipping away. I looked away from the map, letting a stream of obscenities out under my breath. As I glanced up, I could see a worried look on Ana and Rat's face.
"We need a vehicle," I said. "Otherwise, we're fucked." The others nodded and I looked around. There were plenty of cars strewn about the city streets but most of them didn't work, either due to crash or some of the original looting that took place as the city slowly slipped into hell. After a minute of surveying the scene, a ray of hope suddenly appeared. A cop car. It was parked partially on the curb but appeared intact. I approached it carefully and moved near the passenger side. As I got around it, I jumped as something grabbed hold of my leg.
I looked down and watched a shuffling officer let out a loud moan and move his hungry jaws near my leg by using me to pull itself from under the vehicle. I let out a startled yelp and quickly fired a couple shots at it, one barely missed my foot and the other landed square in its forehead. Its grip loosened and its head fell to the ground.
"Yeah, take that you sneaky bastard," I shouted at the re-dead corpse. I pulled my leg quickly away and moved to the driver's seat. An unsettling sight of blood on the steering wheel and the seat. I sat the pistol in the waistband of my pants and knelt down to feel both samples and when I was certain they weren't fresh, I sat down and let out a loud laugh as I saw the keys hanging in the ignition. I grabbed them and gave them a turn. It started without trouble.
"Thank god," Ana said hopping in the back seat. I glanced over and watched as Rat slid in and smile at me. I nodded and looked out the windshield.
"No," I said. "God ain't this nice to me."
I quickly set the car in reverse and backed off the curve. There was a large bump as the front wheels rolled off and a slight one as the went over the shuffler. I stopped in the middle of the street and, after putting the car into gear, set off down the street, pushing the car to its limits. Rat flicked the siren on and I smiled.
In no time we arrived at the right spot. I stopped the car a couple yards away and stepped out. The bus stood there but something was different from the woman's description. No shufflers. Instead, a dozen shufflers sat dead around it, all with a good portion of their skulls blown away. Cautiously, I drew my weapon and started forward. I walked onto the bus where I found a young woman crouching in terror.
"You the voice on the radio?" I asked.
She nodded and looked up at me with terrified, gray eyes. "Are you Silver?"
I nodded and started toward me. I put my gun away and crouched down before sitting down next to her and looking at her carefully. A beat later I heard footsteps and looked up to see Ana entering followed by Rat.
"Comrades," I said as the girl looked to me.
Ana rushed forward and dropped down to look at her.
"My god, are you alright?" she asked.
The girl shook her head. "They're here. They killed the shufflers but not me. I don't know what they're waiting for. I know they're still there," she said looking to the floor.
"Who?" I asked as Rat stepped forward and dropped down.
She looked at me and sniffed a bit. "The clean-up crew," she said. "Învierea's elite squad deigned to destroy all evidence of their fuck-ups. They're a little late but they're here. For me. And because you came to help me. You too."
"Why the fuck didn't they fire then? Outside? they had the shot," Ana said.
"Maybe they hid. Had to move in. Sniping is last resort. Like it to be up close. Personal. They're sadists. Guns are for shufflers and to incapacitate," the young woman said.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"Emily."
My mind kicked into overdrive. The e-mail. No wonder she had answers. I looked around then back to Emily. I sighed and made her look me in the eye. "We need to get you to safety then you should really answer some questions for us."
She waited a moment and opened her mouth to argue but closed it and nodded. I stood up and my comrades followed. As soon as we were upright, there was a loud bang as the back window shattered, followed by Emily falling into me. I helped lay her on the ground and examined her. There was a bullet wound in her upper back, just couple of centimeters from her heart. Far enough to spare, but close enough to kill in time.
I felt for a pulse. It was still there. Good. I wasn't ready to lose answers this quick. I looked at the wound again. If something wasn't done soon, then we could definitely lose our shot at answers.
However, there was no telling what these guys wanted. If they were as good and sadistic as Emily said they were, then the left her alive for a reason. They'd save her for last. Make it fun. I grew up a sadist and I was sure that it's what Senior would do. I looked to Ana and Rat who had dove into seats.
I looked down at Emily then back out the back of the bus. We could fight. I was sure of it. Wait til they get close and try to stave them off but doing taking too long in a fight could seal Emily's fate. And that was if we survived at all. Running seemed a better option but there was the chance of death and dismemberment. I closed my eyes and grabbed my temples struggling to figure out how to deal with this fight-of-flight situation.
***********
What do they do? Fight? Run? Leave someone to watch over Emily and take the other to fight? Emily's fate lies in your hands?
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| Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:59 am Post subject: |
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nice!! needs some minor editing, but that will come.  i loved Rat turning on the siren...simple pleasures...they can keep the sanity even in hell holes.
seeing as how Rat has at least SOME medical experience, let's leave her with Emily and see if she can save her life. Take Ana and go for some butt kickin'!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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Another cool chappie, Biz! Much enjoyed! 
It seems that Emily is likely one of the good guys after all, poor girl. I hope there's something that can done for her, as I would now like to see more of her in the story. Will also be interesting to have these three wholly different women all in the same vicinity, me thinks.
Found a few things...
| Quote: | | "We saving the girl and that's that," I said as I opened my eyes and looked up to Ana. |
We're
| Quote: | | I turned toward the door and started toward in. |
A couple of things here actually. Firstly, 'in' needs to be 'it'. The other part is due to the two 'toward' in the sentence. It's a little jarring, so I would recommend that the first be changed either to 'to' or something like 'in the direction of'. Would just make it flow a little better.
| Quote: | | An unsettling sight of blood on the steering wheel and the seat. |
This sentence doesn't seem complete. Maybe 'There was' should be added at the beginning, or something similar.
| Quote: | | I glanced over and watched as Rat slid in and smile at me. |
Smiled
| Quote: | | If they were as good and sadistic as Emily said they were, then the left her alive for a reason. |
They
| Quote: | | Wait til they get close and try to stave them off but doing taking too long in a fight could seal Emily's fate. |
Something here doesn't sound right...I'm thinking that the part in red should be something like 'but in doing so and'?
For the DP...Now that they're here and they've found Emily, I don't want to see her just dying and that be it, leaving them in even more shit than they were before. I'm actually of the same opinion as Andi. Have one of them try and sort Emily out, while the others keep a lookout for the Învierea's elite squad, and try to hold them off should they appear (or kill the bastards, whatever ).
Looking forward to Chappie 11, Biz! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Lost Omega
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| Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:31 am Post subject: |
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Nice chapter. Again. I also agree with Andolyn.
_________________
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.
Check out my SG, Freedom's Call! Chapter 4 - Part 2 is up NOW! In Skiffiville!
What can you do if you live in a shoe but you ain't got no sole?
Have you seen my ninja? He's around here somewhere... Qk
I've got eggs!
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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Well, one person stays to provide cover fire from the bus while the others run to a new location, setting up there to provide cover fire for the person to leave the bus. Leapfrog like this along until you've made a successful withdrawal. Play the necessary game of chesslike strategy until they've been flushed out. If we need to get aggressive (because they remain persistent), send Rat around in stealth mode to go assassin on their asses while we distract them with cover fire/retreat tactics.
Oh... nice crits we're seeing from you Tika! Very helpful I'm sure.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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Eternia is now polling...three days until its down folks
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| Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:52 pm Post subject: Chapter 11: The Goons |
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"Leap frog," I blurted as the idea came into my mind. Looking up, I met the confused gazes of the others. I let out a sigh and smiled before gesturing to the exits of the bus. "Me, Emily and Rat head out while Ana covers. We get to a safe spot and cover Ana while she gets to us and so on until we're safe. And if they get too close, Rat can go all stealthy assassin on them. Deal?"
The others nodded in agreement. Carefully I lifted Emily into my arms and looked to Rat, who pulled out her new blade and stared at me, ready for action. giving a glance to Ana I watched as she checked the ammo level in a couple of Nine mils. Once she was ready I moved near the back of the bus. I paused on the right side of the door while Ana moved to the left. After counting to three I leapt from the door, followed by Rat, as Ana leaned out and fired shots blindly at a handful of figures in the distance.
I didn't get a good look at them, yet from what I could tell, they were packing some serious close-quarters weapons. We stopped next to a crashed vehicle and pulled out a weapon of my own. Without peering around the side or setting Emily down, I fired off several shots, allowing Ana enough time to get near.
Once she was safe with us behind the vehicle, I looked around. Nearby there was a small liquor store. If we could only get inside then I was sure that we'd be able to find away from them, either through a back door or breaking through a wall or something.
I patted Rat on the shoulder and pointed at the door. She looked at it and nodded. I did the same to Ana who gave the same response. Taking a deep breath I rose, placing both arms under Emily once more, and hurried toward the door as Ana started letting off shot after shot to cover, me and Rat's escape. We ducked quickly into the liquor store and I set Emily down on the floor before peering around the corner and firing at the strangers. Something that effectively kept them behind cover. Ana joined us in the building and as soon as she was clear, I slammed the door.
Giving a look around the building, I mentally swore at myself for choosing it. We were trapped in a small building with a handful of aisles with most of the shelves bare. Looted. When hell truly started to show itself, the liquor stores were the first to be hit alongside the bars. As I fought the urge to swear loudly and hit myself in the head, Rat tapped me on the shoulder. I looked to her and followed her hand as she pointed to a back door with the words STORE ROOM printed on it. I nodded and rose, lifting Emily once again.
I started toward the door and as I reached it, Ana moved in front of me and opened it. Inside were several empty boxes of extra stock. At the back of the back room sat a large metal table covered with paperwork. I hurried toward it and laid Emily down on it. I looked to Ana and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Watch her," I told her before gesturing to Rat to meet me by the back room door. As we reached it I looked out into the rest of the store. "They're gonna be coming in soon. Can you ambush them? Take them out silently like you almost did to me?"
She looked around for a moment and studied the main store for a moment before nodding slowly. "Ok," I told her. "I got you covered."
She moved into the main store and hid in one of the aisles, in a way she could watch the door without being seen right away. Slowly, I slid the back room door closed until it was just enough for me to watch what took place. I double checked my ammo before staring at the door. My heart was beating at two million miles a minute.
After approximately two minutes, the front door creaked open and three figures in body armor, complete with helmet and facial masks strode in. Each was carrying a spiked club that vaguely resembled the maces knights used in the middle ages. It was like they were the SWAT team from hell. They moved halfway through the store and looked around silently. The leader motioned for them to fan out before starting in my direction. I moved to the side of the door and held my breath.
As the door opened and they thug stepped in, I extended my arm and aimed my gun at his skull. I heard him chuckle at the sight of Ana and Emily.
"Playtime," he muttered.
"Not for you," I responded.
He turned and looked me in the eye. His eyes widened for a moment before I squeezed the trigger, sending a bullet straight through his left eye. The body dropped and I heard a scuffle. Loud and heavy footsteps started toward the door but were stopped as a masculine screech split the air. I turned the corner and saw Rat standing above a thug on the ground who was reaching at his legs which were bent out of shape thanks to the club in Rat's hand.
I rushed over to him, removed his own weapon from his possession and looked at Rat. The look in her eyes told me that she wanted to finish him off. Yet, I wasn't so sure. He could have a lot of answers. A hell of a lot of them. Then again, who was to say whether or not he would say a word. Not to mention the poor woman bleeding in the back room. I looked at my gun and the club deciding whether or not to waste the son-of-a-bitch.
***********
Ok. Kill him or question him? Or should they just leave him there and leave to help out Emily? If your option is to kill him, is he worth the bullet or should the death be merciless? Your call.
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| Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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oooohhhhhh love it!!
have Rat go help Emily...Leon stays to question the guy...and if he wont talk? THEN kill him...or worse...leave him for the zombies...i'm sure they could use a snack...
MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!
ahem.
sorry...
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Thunderbird
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:51 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Biz!
This was a good chappie! Plently of action, and the dp option, which could have easily been over-written, if you get me, wasn't at all, and was pretty engrossing. Very well done.
Couple of things here...
| Quote: | | Once she was safe with us behind the vehicle, I looked around. Nearby there was a small liquor store. If we could only get inside then I was sure that we'd be able to find away from them, either through a back door or breaking through a wall or something. |
I think there are a couple of words missing here. Thinking of it in my head, I'm thinking it should be something like 'find a way to get away'.
| Quote: | | Taking a deep breath I rose, placing both arms under Emily once more, and hurried toward the door as Ana started letting off shot after shot to cover, me and Rat's escape. |
The end of this sentence isn't worded quite right, I'm thinking...
Taking a deep breath I rose, placing both arms under Emily once more, and hurried toward the door as Ana started letting off shot after shot, to cover Rat's and my escape.
I'm not 100% on that, so I'll need it confirmed, but I think that's how it should be worded, though 'Mine and Rat's' would be fine too. But, if I recall my school studies correctly (possibly not, as it was such a long time ago ), words such as I, me, my etc, should go at the end, if there is a list of more than one person...if that makes any sense.
I'm going with questioning the guy. Find out who he works for, and why he was trying to kill Emily. Is he merely a thug, or someone working for a person with an agenda? They're questions that need answering.
Much enjoyed, Biz! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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Windfall! Interrogate him. And since Rat seems up to the task, have her on standby with the club. Even if you learn nothing, you can still buy time with zombie bait.
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"Faster than those who are better than me and better than those who are faster than me."
"You've got a wishbone where your backbone should've grown..."
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| Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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Definitely worth an interrogation. And steal the weapons (the maces) cuz they seem pretty cool, silent, and useful.
Much enjoyed the chapter Biz. It stayed with the flow of the story and remained consistent so I have a hard time finding much more to say. However, I do feel that we've allowed the shufflers to go ignored in the tale for far too long. In this version, their presence hasn't been delivered enough to get a feel for their ever-looming threat at all. We must have more of them and in some really tense ways or we, as readers, will lose touch with the core threat premise of the plot. I fear we may already have.
Nevertheless, that is not to say you haven't given us a great story so far and that it continues to remain compelling and inviting of further exploration. It would be very interesting to see what lies behind the mind of the one we've now got at our mercy.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:14 am Post subject: I Think |
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Much lovin' in the Zombie world my friend. Much Love!
I would like to see mroe shufflers too, but the secret government agencie needs some screen time too. *Grins* *Points* You do know you got a floating "W" up there, right?  Anyways, Rat is getting kooler and kooler. I think the pills should show themselves in front of the girls soon. . . .I know!
DP: Screw the sadistic SOB and go to the girl who's actually willing to talk. Make sure of no comunication devices before thowing him to the nearest pack of Shufflers. Pop her some pillz and hopefully it'll let you do something for her, and get her talking sooner! Also, the girls should have something to say about the pills, and there. That's my thoughts!
Keep on truckin' Biz-kun!
_________________
To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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Now Polling
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| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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Now feeling like I've been waiting tooooooooo long for a new chapter here! (Maybe I'm just missing new episodes of the Walking Dead too and between both I'm having twitchy little withdrawal symptoms!)
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Midnight
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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Finally caught up.
Love it Biz.
I voted for interrogation. Leon needs answers and if Emily isn't in a state to give them, then the Goon will just have to do. XD
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I would not exist if it twas day, so therefore I do not wish for light.
I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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“Check on Emily,” I said. “Me and our friend here are gonna have a little talk. Hurry back though. I may need a little assistance.”
Rat nodded and walked around me to the back of the store. As she left, I lowered myself down to his level and stared into his bright green eyes that peeked out from the wool mask that covered his face and sat under his protective helmet. Without a second thought, it tore both from his skull and revealed a young man underneath. He couldn't be more than seventeen and yet he was a hired goon. I was starting to hate Învierea. They had caused me enough trouble today.
“First off, what's your name?”
“Fuck off,” he spat.
“Ok, Mr. Off,” I said with a smile. “Tell me why you and your little buddies want the girl back there dead.”
He said nothing. Merely spit in my face, causing me to jerk back a bit. I waited a brief moment and let out a chuckle before backhanding him.
“Wrong answer. Now, same question. This time, say it, don't spray it.”
“Fuck you, asshole,” he shouted, prompting me to punch him square in the face. I heard a small crack from his nose. A small trickle of blood had appeared as I pulled my fist back.
“Try again,” I shouted at him, with a large smile still on my face.
“Because she knows too much. About everything. Subject L. The Green Room. Everything. So President Russell sent us to get rid of her. Clean up.”
“Yeah. That's what she said. I just wanted to verify it. Now, onto my next question. What the fuck is the green room?”
He stared at me for a moment, realizing that he had said something he probably shouldn't have. “No way in hell am I telling you.”
I heard footsteps behind me and I stood up. I nodded to Rat who walked over to her spot beside him and stepped onto one of the wounds on his legs. The goon screamed in pain before finally nodding.
“Good boy. Speak.”
“The green room is a study center. Housing a database of all possible test subjects.”
“Like the Red Room.”
“Yeah. Just different subject list and different study files.”
“Where is it?”
“Not gonna tell you. They'll kill me.”
“I'll do worse. I'll leave you for the shufflers.”
Rat started to place some more pressure but stopped as the faint sound of moaning started to drift through the walls. We quickly looked at each other and I gestured toward the back with my head. Rat rushed back and I stared down at the goon. His eyes begged me to take him with me. Too bad, he wasn't going anywhere.
Rat and Ana emerged from the back, Emily cradled in Ana's arms. A mace in each of Rat's hands. She handed one to me and I nodded to her.
Without a word amongst us, we headed out the front On each side of the street, a horde of shufflers had gathered. The three of us froze as the shufflers stood and stared at us with hungry eyes. I swallowed hard and before a plan could properly formulate in my mind a voice called from the roof behind us. Spinning quickly, My eyes met with the glowing orbs of Subject L, standing on the ledge of the liquor store.
“Leon, say hello to IE Bio-project 2.0. With my help, these helpless slabs of flesh have gotten an upgrade,” he said. “Men, feast.”
A loud unified groan cam from the wall of undead on each side and as I stared over, I noticed something different. Something wrong and much more frightening. They were running.
“Shit,” Ana said.
“I second that,” I said, turning and sprinting into the building across the street from the building we had just departed. Without thinking or paying attention to the scenery, I raced through it, dashing out a back door. In the distance, I could hear the goon screaming as some of the fiends started to devour him. Outside the building I waited, until Ana and Rat joined me before starting to slam the door. A creatures head popped out and out of instinct, I crushed it with the weapon in my grasp. It collapsed and I turned to the girls as I tried to keep of army of flesh-eaters at bay.
“Keep going,” I yelled. “Stop for nothing.”
They kept going and I managed to push the door all the way shut. As I heard the click, I turned and followed my companions. They were a good distance in front of me but due to the shufflers that seemed to be pouring from every building, maybe that was a good thing. For them, at least. I followed them as the moved through a couple alleys before ducking into a building. I followed and slammed the door behind us. Off to the side was a vending machine. I looked to the others and cleared my throat.
“Help me with this,” I called out. Ana sat Emily down and assisted me in moving the machine to block the door. Outside I could hear them scratching to get in. We were safe. For the moment at least. I collapsed onto the floor and coughed a bit. My body was aching. My arms started to tremble. Sitting up, I quickly pulled the pills from my pocket and took a couple. I needed them. I wouldn't make it without them.
As I sat and waited for them to kick in, I heard something. A soft feminine moan. Emily. I crawled over to her and looked at her.
“Leave me,” she said. “You'll never survive with me.”
“No,” I told her. “No one gets left behind. We're going to help you. Get you out of here.”
She shook her head. “These things are like sharks in the water. They can smell the blood. I was doomed the instant I went down. Go to the Green Room. Free Clinic. South side.”
I stood up and looked at the others. “We can't, can we?”
Ana nodded. “Gotta. She's right. But if we do we at least gotta make sure those things don't turn her. Finish her off.”
Rat shook her head and signed something to Ana.
“She thinks we should take her to the hospital not far from here. We can save her. Get more information. There's strength in numbers.”
I sighed and dropped to me knees, regretting ever becoming the unofficial leader.
***********
Leave her or save her? Green Room or hospital? Some other destination or action? Perhaps they search wherever they are? Should they focus on escape, Învierea, or escaping the city? The choice is yours.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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iiiii'm with Rat!! =D
glad to see a new chapter here!!
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Midnight
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm.
Rat has a point, it would be better if they helped Emily. It couldn't hurt to get more hands on there side. Besides the Green room isn't going anywhere. haha
_________________
I would not exist if it twas day, so therefore I do not wish for light.
I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
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Lost Omega
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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Whoo. All caught up. I agree with Rat. Emily is of more use alive than dead. She may have information on how to deal with "Subject L".
_________________
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.
Check out my SG, Freedom's Call! Chapter 4 - Part 2 is up NOW! In Skiffiville!
What can you do if you live in a shoe but you ain't got no sole?
Have you seen my ninja? He's around here somewhere... Qk
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:07 pm Post subject: |
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Nice chappie, Biz! Much enjoyed
The danger just keeps increasing, doesn't it? First they were just dealing with mindless, zombie-style shufflers and the odd gang. Added to that is Subject L, who's a force to be reckoned with in his own right, and upgraded shufflers, who can now run after their intended victims. All in all, it's been a very fast paced and action filled chapter, and I very much enjoyed reading it.
For the dp, I have to say to take Emily to the hospital and try to save her. I want to see more from the character, and learn more detailed informaion about the situation that our leading man and his friends have found themselves in, and that information is going to be gotten quickest by trying to keep Emily alive. And she seems nice as well, so I don't really want to see her die...not this soon after her first appearence anyway.
Looking forward to the next one! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 10:17 pm Post subject: Chapter 13: Hospital Horror |
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"Hospital, it is," I said. I stood up and looked around. After a moment I looked to the front and pointed. "We'll go out that way." I grabbed my weapon from the ground and handed it to Rat. Then, with caution, started to lift Emily up.
My whole body strained against the effort. I was sore and my latest couple pills weren't kicking in. I was angry, tired, physically drained and without a good high to keep me going. The pills weren't working as well or as long as they usually did. Halfway to my feet, I buckled and dropped back to a knee, barely managing to keep a hold of the girl in my arms.
"Hey, I got her," Ana said, rushing to my side. I nodded and let her move in front of me and take her out of my arms. As she did so, she cast me a look of concern. I looked to Rat who also looked concerned. She handed me my mace back.
"I'll explain later," I told them before walking toward the front. We were in a store of some sort. Hard to tell as the place had been picked clean. Nothing remained with the exception of a couple rotting corpses with bullet holes in the back of the head, their hands duct taped together in front of them. Something quite serious happened here. I gave each body a quick blow with the mace to encourage them to stay dead before opening the door and peering out.
There was a nice handful of shufflers in the street wandering around aimlessly. I started out and nailed the first one I came across with a blow to the back of thew skull.
"Rat, stay in front of Ana and take out any shufflers in the way. I'll take out any that try to come from behind. So lead the way," I whispered behind me. Rat moved around and took a spot in front of me and I made my way to the back of the line. “Quick and quiet. Single file. Move out.”
Without another hesitation, Rat started moving, followed by Ana and myself. I mostly walked backwards, keeping an eye over my shoulder to make sure I was close behind but in no danger of plowing into them. The creatures wandered on all sides of us. A good majority of them didn't seem a particular threat. Occasionally, would would get to close and either me or Rat would end it with a quick blow to the side or top of the skull as well as a second one once they hit the ground.
After a very long time, I felt Ana tap me on the shoulder. I glanced over it and saw the four story building just ahead. Rat cleared a good path for us and together we managed to get inside and to safely bar the door.
“Rat, get Emily and Ana to a safe location and start doing what you guys need to do. I'm going to check the place out. Make sure there aren't any surprises.”
Ana gave a nod as a stern look came over her face. “Then you and I are going to talk.”
They strolled off down one hallway while I took off down another. I found a cozy doctor's office, dispatched the undead doc and took a seat in his chair, placing the mace on my lap as I sat. Tonight was not going as planned.
I had seen my father for the first time in years. Memories of my sister had been brought to the forefront of my mind and my pill either weren't working right or weren't strong enough. Not to mention that I was not closer to an escape as I had been when I first stepped into the street. Now there was a psychopath out there that could control shufflers, the only person I've met with any information at all regarding the whole situation was shot and I was going to have to explain my addiction to my comrades. I hate Eternia.
I leaned back in the chair and put my feet up on the desk and allowed my eyes to close for a minute. After about a minute or so, I heard the tell tale sound of footsteps directly outside the office.
“That was fast. Need anything?” I asked.
Nothing. I opened my eyes and found no one standing before me. Curious, I grabbed my mace and stood up. I walked out of the office and then I noticed the foot prints.
A set of bloody footprints sat outside the door. Footprints that I could swear weren't there when I had entered the office. Looking around, I saw nobody so I followed them. They led down a long and dark hallway, a single fluorescent bulb flickering overhead. At the end of the hall, they turned and went down a similarly eerie stairwell. I gave another look in the hallways and started my descent. The stairs led into the basement, where the morgue was kept.
I followed them step for step up until I reached the entrance of the refrigerator for the dead. If there were any shufflers they'd be in there. I pushed my way through the doors and stopped. Sitting in the middle of the room was a metal tray painted with blood. Atop the bloody scene, sat a laptop, an image flashing and flickering across its glass. With hesitation, I approached it.
On the screen sat the picture of a young woman, next to her death certificate. The same young woman that sat immortalized in my pocket. Elizabeth Henrietta Silver. I glanced away from the file for a moment, fighting the urge to toss the computer. When I allowed myself to look at the screen again, my eyes focused on the medical examiner's conclusion.
Suicide.
Bullshit.
After a few seconds of looking at the file, the screen went black for a three seconds before being replaced by the image of her lifeless body, a gushing wound in her throat and upon each wrist. The neckline of her baby blue dress stained with blood.
“The fuck?” I said, taking a step back. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. As I came face to face with the person responsible for such an action, I became immobilized by fear. It was my sister, her throat a jagged and bloody mess. Her raven black hair matted down and soaked in her own crimson juices. Her eyes were glazed over in a fashion similar to the shufflers.
“You should have saved me sooner,” she said. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out. Instead I found myself, lurching forward from my chair in the doctor's office, the mace crashing to the floor with a thud. Hunching over, vomit poured from my mouth. It didn't last long, but it ensured that I didn't want to touch my weapon again. I got up and wiped my mouth with my sleeve and started out of the room.
I had no idea how long I'd been asleep but I knew I didn't want to do it again. Part of me wanted to find more pills and get myself as high as I could be. Yet my mind was telling me I should grab the mace, clean it off and dispatch any beasts lurking in the hospital. Yet the biggest section of my wants and desires was pushing me to go down into the morgue. To make sure that what I had experienced was just fiction. I took a breath and looked in all directions, realizing more and more how much I hated my life.
***********
Ok. What does he do? Prove the nightmare was just that? Maybe check on the girls? use the bathroom? The choice is yours.
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Lost Omega
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:28 am Post subject: |
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Nice chapter Biz! The nightmare was unsettling to say the least.
At this point, I think it would be best if he got out of that room, maybe search the desk for some things first. He should definitely grab the mace on the way out though, and search for Rat, Ana, and Emily.
_________________
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.
Check out my SG, Freedom's Call! Chapter 4 - Part 2 is up NOW! In Skiffiville!
What can you do if you live in a shoe but you ain't got no sole?
Have you seen my ninja? He's around here somewhere... Qk
I've got eggs!
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Midnight
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| Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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Woot! I love it. Seems everything creepy is always down the morgue. haha
He should probably check in on Ana, Rat and Emily. Then see if he can get someone to come with him down the morgue just in case some freaky shit happens.
_________________
I would not exist if it twas day, so therefore I do not wish for light.
I want the dark, I want the night.
For my name is MIDNIGHT!
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:47 am Post subject: |
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you should feel special...i unburied myself from school books just to read this. XD
i'm with Midnight and Omega. grab the mace, check on the girls, THEN head down to the morgue.
LOVED it Biz!! Can't wait to see you next week!!!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:05 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Biz!
Another fab chappie! Interesting about the lack of effect that our hero's medication is having on him. Had me wondering why there's this sudden change in effect, and if it has anything to do with the current happenings. I'm guessing that it definitely does, of course, but it's still intriguing to think about the how and why.
I'm also really liking the fact that the story of his sister, and what happened to her, is continuing too. Really very well done!
A few things I noticed here...
| Quote: | | Nothing remained with the exception of a couple rotting corpses with bullet holes in the back of the head, their hands duct taped together in front of them. |
The second 'with' doesn't need to be there, though the first one is perfectly placed, and also a comma after 'remained' and another after 'corpses'. Another small thing, which is completely opinion based - though it doesn't exactly NEED it, I think that you could get a little bit more description in there, in describing the condition of the bodies. By changing a couple of words, it allows the reader to have more of an intense picture in their minds of how the scene looks. Just a quick example...
Nothing remained, with the exception of a couple rotting corpses, bullet holes marring the backs of their skulls, their hands duct taped together in front of them.
By adding the word 'marring' it gives one a picture of something slightly more violent and disfiguring.
| Quote: | | I started out and nailed the first one I came across with a blow to the back of thew skull. |
the
| Quote: | | "Rat, stay in front of Ana and take out any shufflers in the way. I'll take out any that try to come from behind. So lead the way," I whispered behind me. |
Another opinion based thing again. Though I got this afterwards, I did have to re-read it first of all, to get what was meant. I think it would benefit from a little more being added, just to clarify that he's talking to the two women. Such as...
"So lead the way," I whispered, to my companions, behind me.
Not perfect, but just giving you the gist of what I mean.
| Quote: | | Rat moved around and took a spot in front of me and I made my way to the back of the line. |
I think that it would benefit the line if that second 'and' was changed to another word, such as 'while'.
| Quote: | | Occasionally, would would get to close and either me or Rat would end it with a quick blow to the side or top of the skull as well as a second one once they hit the ground. |
A 'they' or 'one' needs to be added on one side of the 'occassionally' at the beginning, I think.
| Quote: | | the only person I've met with any information at all regarding the whole situation was shot |
I think the 'I've' needs to be 'I'd' instead, if it's to work with the rest of the paragraph, but I'll need someone to confirm that.
For the dp...Well, if he's worried that the dream might be a reality, maybe it would now play out the same way. Take a look at the floor by the door, to check for the bloody footprints that alerted him in the dream. If they're not there, I think he should just go check on the girls, and have that chat with Ana at some point too.In fact, even if they are there, what's he going to gain from going down there, other than placing him in the position to have to kill his own sister, shuffler though she may be. Just go find the girls anyway, and if there are bllody footprints on the floor, maybe he could tell Ana about the dream, and maybe about Elizabeth.
Good job, Biz! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 10:10 pm Post subject: I Think. . . . . |
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Truly creepy my dear demented friend. Had me tuckin' my toes in with that nighmare imaging.
The "Hate my life" attitude never gets old with this guy. He knows just how to pull it off without getting tedious. Again, love the nightmare *Grins* Getting down to her dress color, I could really see her in my mind's eye. I would like to see a little of the girls' fire come back, they seem to be getting a little too. . . ."Yes Sir" if you know what I mean.
As for the DP. . . . . .*Goes off on a whim* Find the ax. . . .All hosptals have fire axes, right? Or at the very least, I think he should to a hospital wide weapon search before heading for his compantions, as well as picking up some painkillers for Emi.
Can't wait to see more of this Biz-kun!
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And my first Finished work Death Day
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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Now polling
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 3:11 am Post subject: Chapter 14: Pill Heaven |
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I looked at the ground and let out a sigh of relief as no trace of the footprints were there.I was just a nightmare. A pill induced, psychotic delusion. I rubbed my eyes a bit before turning back into the office and grabbing the mace. My ejected stomach contents covered part of it but I took a deep breath and grabbed it anyway.
In a slight hurry, I moved through the hallways until I found the bathroom, continuously looking around in a paranoid manner. My dream still sinking its claws into my gray matter. In the bathroom, I washed my vomit from the mace and stared at myself in the mirror.
There were dark circles under my eyes making them look fairly sunken in. A decent amount of stubble was starting to appear on my face. My oily black hair was starting to fall out of his nice slicked back style. I was starting to look like the drug addicts I had always mocked. The ones who let their looks slip, let their hygiene fade away and overall failed at life. Not the classy, upstanding pill popper I had been before the world went to shit. Pathetic.
I moved away from the mirror and walked out of the restroom and toward the entrance. I moved in a trance, my mind replaying the past week on repeat. Each shuffler that came near me. Each friend-turned-fiend who tried to sink its teeth into my flesh. The way I had hoped my father had been turned to a Biker Buffet long ago.
The entrance presented itself to me eventually and I turned down the hallway that the others had gone down. For the most part, I was able to focus, briefly forgetting the hell that had just plagued my mind a few moments ago. I looked from room to room as I moved down the hallway. It wasn't long until I reached the end and was forced to turn. Glancing at the nearest sign, I decided to head to surgery. It only made sense.
The next couple minutes were spent reflecting on the month leading up to the beginning of the end. I was in the midst of conning some poor rich douchebag out of a small portion of his fortune. I weaseled my way in close. Said the right things and did the right deeds. I became his right hand man. It was slow going and a bit difficult but I was close. I almost had complete access to his accounts, then I could slowly bleed out what I wanted and move on. Then the world ended.
Outside the Operating Room, I was brought out of my memories by a familiar voice.
“Silver,” Ana said. I looked in her direction, just in time to see her moving quickly at me. Once near, she grabbed me and tossed me against the wall. Before I could speak, she was in my face. “What is it?”
“What is what?”
“Your problem. I know a fucking junkie when I see one. I had a feeling when I first saw you. So what is it? What's your vice?”
“I'm not a junkie. Just an addict. Pain pills. I've had everything under control for the most part until tonight. My pills aren't working.”
“What do you mean they aren't working?”
“They just aren't. Through this whole ordeal, my body has felt like its gone through a dryer, a paper shredder and then for good measure been dropped off a cliff. My usual dosage isn't doing anything.”
For several minutes, she just looked at me. At first with disgust, then thoughtfulness and finally pity. She eventually let out a deep breath and looked to the floor.
“Ok, this can still work,” she said. She looked into my eyes and something lurking behind them told me that she understood my predicament. “Go find something stronger. Rat is still working on Emily. She should be done in a couple minutes. Get some new pills then come back.”
I nodded and walked away from her. My hand trembled slightly. The pills had definitely lost their effect. I went down the hall a bit until I found a small nurses station. I entered it and searched the area but found nothing. I found a couple more promising locations but came up empty nonetheless.
I searched through another nurses station and after another disappointing search, kept walking until I discovered a small pharmacy. Smiling a little bit I walked in and hopped over the counter. For a short amount of time I scoured the shelves and then I saw it. Vicodin. I grabbed the bottle with the highest dosage and took a couple. I pocketed a couple bottles and headed back into the hallway. As I stepped out of pill heaven, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.
Glancing over, my eyes fell upon a young man wearing biker leathers and holding a bloody screwdriver. He turned and our eyes met. I clutched the mace tightly and we simply stared. I suddenly felt like I was thrust into an old western and this was the high noon showdown. After about a minute of staring at each other, the biker turned and ran. Acting fast, I raced after him.
I recognized the patches he wore, the symbol that he bore. He was one of my father's goons and he was here. Rage flowed through my veins as quick and as powerful as my blood as I sprinted after him. If he worked with or for my father, he deserved to die. Needed to die. And I would be the one who dished out the punishment. Then I would hang his body out as an all you can eat feast for all the other beasts to devour.
He led me up a flight of stairs and down a hallway. I managed to close the distance by half beforeboth of us drew to a halt. Echoing through the entire building was a series of gunshots. Three sounded as if they cam from above us and another couple sounded if they were fired below. He spun and looked at me, his eyes showing a bit of fear.
My hatred for my father told me to act fast while I had a chance. That I should take him down and make him swallow his own teeth. But I knew that if shots came from below then the girls could be in trouble and bullets flying above meant we were not alone. I stepped forward before looking over my shoulder behind me, trying to decide whether I should try and be a hero or let out my inner monster upon the one before me.
**************
What to do? Check out the shots? Beat this guy to a pulp? Tie him up and save him for later? Which shots to check? Its all up to you?
_________________
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Andolyn
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Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 7:22 am Post subject: |
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| Be the hero & run for the girls. Ana needs to see that "this can still work". Loved it Biz! Keep it up!
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Biz!
Something I like about your chapters, is that I'm always coming across small, even simple descriptive phrases/sentences that make me smile (not in the way that takes away from the atmosphere of the tale, but merely because they're very well placed and pleasing to the creative senses). The following are just a few, and, like I said, some of them seem simple enough, but they're very effective for creating said previously mentioned atmosphere.
| Quote: | | A pill induced, psychotic delusion. |
| Quote: | | Not the classy, upstanding pill popper I had been before the world went to shit. |
| Quote: | | For the most part, I was able to focus, briefly forgetting the hell that had just plagued my mind a few moments ago. |
| Quote: | | My ejected stomach contents covered part of it but I took a deep breath and grabbed it anyway. |
Though I think that this sentence could be improved upon, I really like the 'ejected stomach contents' part. The part marked in red is what could be improved upon. Though there's nothing strictly wrong with it at all, it's a little bland when compared to how the sentence started. I could be wrong, but I think it all comes down to the usage of the word 'it'. I think the mere replacement of 'it' with something like 'part of the handle/shaft' would fix it. A word to look out for really. 'It' and 'that' can easily creep into sentences when they're not needed, the latter having been pointed out to me by Smee not long after I joined IF, and a lesson I've found quite valuable when it comes to editing my writing.
Okay, a few things I found here...
| Quote: | | I was just a nightmare. |
It
| Quote: | | In a slight hurry, I moved through the hallways until I found the bathroom, continuously looking around in a paranoid manner. My dream still sinking its claws into my gray matter. In the bathroom, I washed my vomit from the mace and stared at myself in the mirror. |
With this part, we already know we're in the bathroom, as it's been recently stated. I think the paragraph would benefit from this part being changed to an action rather than location. Maybe something like...
I approched the sink and turned on the cold tap, washing my vomit from the mace and staring at my reflection in the mirror.
I also think that the second sentence would flow better if made part of the first, and seperated by a comma rather than a full-stop. It's describing part of the reason why he's feeling paranoid, and so it should be part of the sentence in my opinion. But then, I'm a comma overuser, and others may think differently.
| Quote: | | The entrance presented itself to me eventually and I turned down the hallway that the others had gone down. |
The double usage of 'down' here is a little jarring, but I'm having a little trouble figuring how to rephrase it (probably not really helped by the fact that I've been drinking this evening/tonight...still am actually )...*ponders*...Okay, maybe something like...
The entrance presented itself to me eventually and I turned down the hallway, following the path the others had taken before me.
| Quote: | | I managed to close the distance by half beforeboth of us drew to a halt. |
Space needed here.
Okay, for the dp...From the guys reaction, I'm thinking that he's no more in the know than we are. If he's part of his father's gang then surely he should have some knowledge of fighting/weaponry/etc? I say that, as it'll be in both their best interests, he should propose a temporary truce with the guy in order to be better prepared for what might await them upon investigation, and then deal with him later. After all, he could be jumping to conclusions here. The guy might have left his father's group and not had a chance to change into new threads. Either way, I say don't be rash and use each other to the advantage here.
Great chappie Biz! Much enjoyed! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:23 am Post subject: I Think. . . . . |
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Heyou, sorry about the late post. Another very intreguing chapter here. It was really easy to follow. Our Hero seems to have mild out a bit when it came to getting railed on, but I'm glad to see the fire return in the chase.
I think. . . . . . .Toss the bastage out the nearest window then head upstairs. The girls are capable and I think it would be better to know as much as possible before returning to "home base". A.K.A., wherever the girls are
Keep up the good work Biz-kun! Lovein' it more and more!
_________________
To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 6:21 am Post subject: |
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I just started on this story. I love the depth you've given to the characters, and the intrigue you've constructed around the plot!
His father's bad news. If Silver was by himself, it might work out, but let's not forget that the biker gang wants to rape the girls. Whatever happened to his sister, it must have had to do with their father, which kinda implies he's a bit of a monster.
So, for DP, Silver must do whatever it takes to hide their presence from their father. If Silver had no conscience, I would have said shoot the guy in the head, as there's a gunfight anyway so it provides a cover. But, I believe Silver would much prefer to tie him up. Also, being able to find out where his father is going next will help them avoid him.
After tying the goon up and shoving him into a broom closet or something, he should check out the shots coming from the one farther away from the girls. Assuming the girls aren't a part of the gunfight, if it comes down to it, Rat can easily take care of the ones physically near her.
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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Now Polling
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sagittaeri
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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Voted. 
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:32 am Post subject: |
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Looks like I've broken a tie. I voted for the last option because the guy looked fearful, although it's not clear whether he's afraid of our hero or whether he knows something about the gunshots that we don't. Either way we need to find out more from him.
Broom cupboard it is!
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VenomousAngel
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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Missed the voting, But heres a bit of a crit!
| Quote: | | My heart was beating hard enough that it was all I hard as I stood and breathed heavily. |
From chapter one, But i believe you meant heard.. Not hard for this part in green!
| Quote: | You appear to be in need of some automative assistance.
The real test was seeing how long you could keep death at baby before finally falling.
I turned on my heel and without a word, waled from the store and back up the street to the van
I heard her sigh before feeling the man get moving.
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From chapter three, I believe you should have spelled this automotive.. Not automative.. Unless it was some sort of slang, Although that wasn't apparent with any of his other speech. Second part, Believe should have been bay, Not baby! Another spelling error, Supposed to be walked.. Not waled . Van, not man.... Unless shes felling the man get moving, *Smirks*.
| Quote: | A knee to the gut gut followed and was itself followed up by and elbow
The sound that Rat had made worried to me. |
To many gut's hun.. Just need the one. Located two or three chapters down the line, Not exactly sure as they arent labeled. Not sure if you need that to in their.. Sounds much better to me without it!
| Quote: | | I quickly moved down the halls keeping, my eyes and ears open for |
Located in the direct next chapter, Believe that you accidently placed a coma down.
| Quote: | | I turned toward the door and started toward in. Behind me I could hear both Rat's and Ana's footsteps following me. A small part of me wanted to smile but I found myself unable too. A large quantity of doubt was creeping into my mind. What if Ana was right? What if getting out of the city should be priority one. What if further exposure to this monster infested nightmare was the wrong choice? They had put me in charge and I was taking risk with their lives. W |
There was a random W located at the end of a paragraph.. Maybe two chapters from this one above..
| Quote: | | I was just a nightmare. |
Believe you meant to put it, Not I. Last chapter by the way!
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:40 pm Post subject: |
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I marched toward the biker with hatred in my eyes. As I moved forward at a deliberate pace, keeping my eyes glued to my prey. Our eyes and I could see the fear lurking behind them. He was terrified, either of me or the situation. Whatever it was, I liked it. People get stupid in fear. And when stupid people fight, they make mistakes. As I drew closer and closer to my target, I watched as he raised his fists in a vague defensive position. Once I was close enough to him, he threw a wild punch at me.
With quick reflexes, I jumped back, dropped the mace and grabbed his arm as the hit missed. Not wanting to give him a moment to comprehend the situation and squirm away, I grabbed tight to the limb and used it to swing him into the wall. I heard him grunt as he made contact. Moving quickly behind him and grabbed a handful of hair. All of a sudden, I didn't feel completely in control of my actions. I let my rage guide me. My blind anger at this man's very existence. My prey through an elbow back. It caught me in the ribs. It hurt very little. For a biker, he wasn't that tough. Probably a new initiate. A predatory grin appeared on my lips and I slammed his skull into the wall. His body went partially limp and I repeated the action which caused him to cease attempting to stay standing. Letting go, I watched him crumble to the ground.
Blood started to appeared at his forehead from where it made contact with the wall. Slowly moving away from him, he finished his trip to the floor and I saw blood coming from his nose too. I had a brief thought of finishing him off but decided against it. He wasn't worth it. Instead, I grabbed him by the ankle, along with my mace and started to drag him through the hall. If there were shufflers in the building, he'd end up drawing them out and I couldn't have them this close. Not until I checked out the gunshots. My eyes scoured the hall as I dragged the semi-conscious biker through the hospital. After a couple minutes I found a perfect place to hide him. A storage closet. It would keep him out of the way and hopefully make sure no shufflers sniffed him out.
I sat the mace down and with my free hand, I reached out and turned the knob. As soon as the door opened a bit, I was forced to let go of the biker and spin in a completely different direction. A tsunami of scent came from the room. I gagged violently and unfortunately was unable to produce anything thanks to my mess downstairs.
Turning around, I covered my nose and mouth with one arm as I examined the contents of the closet. Inside I could see two corpses that at one point, I'm sure, used to be female. One of them was a redhead and had her skeletal, decomposing arm around a blonde who was cuddled in tight to her. Tight enough that they were starting to fuse together as they rotted. My eyes surveyed them for a moment and a small detail presented itself. Each skull had a large hole in it and there was a fair amount of blood mixed in with the body slime on Red's scrubs. Looking closer, I saw a gun still clutched in Red's hand.
Noticing the gun, a short film played in my head of the two nurses, who took cover when the shit hit the fan. They probably were in there for a couple days. The place was still probably crawling with the living dead. So Red killed her friend and then, while still embracing her, went to join her. The mental movie ended and I suddenly didn't see two dead nurses. Didn't smell them. I saw Ana, laying against a wall with a hole in her head and a protective arm wrapped around Rat. A tear formed in my eye.
These two had probably gone in there hoping to ride it out. They probably had the same thoughts I did when it all started. The nightmare has to end sometime. Help has to be on the way. It will all be over soon. I can escape. The truth wasn't as nice. The nightmare was never going to end. No help is coming. It will never be over. There is no escape. There it was. A sudden moment of clarity. The truth hidden amongst two cadavers. Rat and Ana looked to me, they were following me because I told them I could get them out but in the long run, all that's going to happen is we're all going to die. We were beyond hope.
I became lost in the mess, replaying my time in this nightmare. All the people I came across and saw fall. Venus and Juno were surprised around day three. Day four I met a guy named Bruce who ran toward a horde alone. I had various encounters with others but the same thing happened. They died and I walked away. I would not walk away from Rat and Ana. Or Emily.
I was jerked out of my trance by a racket beside me, looking over, I saw the biker pushing himself up and starting to run away. I bolted up, charged and tackled him to the ground. He coughed as the wind left his lungs. Acting fast, I wrapped an arm around his throat and held him in a sleeper hold. I kept my arm around his throat until he stopped squirming, Until I felt his breathing slow down. Once I released it, I stood, dragged him to the closet and sat him in it next to the nurses.
“Sorry about this, ladies,” I said. “I'm so sorry.” Closing the door, I grabbed my weapon and looked up for a moment before marching off to find a stairwell. Even though all hope was gone, I wasn't going to go down without a fight. Once I found a stairwell, I marched slowly up them, readying my mace to strike anything that came across my path.
At the top of the stairs, I saw a couple of shufflers with their brain matter staining the floor. I stepped over them and heard another round of gunfire. Cautiously I made my way down the halls, being sure to carefully peer around every corner. After a couple minutes, I heard more shots. This time quite close by. Peering around the nearest corner, I saw a handful of bikers firing in vain at a figure in a gray hoodie. Subject L.
How the fuck did he get here and why? Was he following us? Tracking us like animals? And if he was fixated on me and the girls, why was he up here?
“Why won't he die?” one of the biker's shouted as he emptied a shotgun into L's chest. Crouching down, I moved around the corner and started sneaking behind the fiend. Once I was within a proper distance, I rose and swung the mace down. Before it could hit, L spun, grabbed the steel with one hand and my shirt with the other and tossed me into the thugs, my weapon staying in his grasp. The contact was more painful than it should have and I was sure a couple of us had at least one broken rib from it. I coughed as a burning sensation filled my chest. Slowly, I pushed myself up to look at him.
“What're you doing here? Why are you following us?”
“Well, I ran into a friend of yours and I simply had to bring her here to see you. In fact, she should be visiting the girl's as we speak.”
“How did you get here? How did you find us so fast?”
“It's easy when you're not human,” he said with a sly smile. “Now why don't you go say hello.”
“No, I...”
“Down,” he burst in, pointing at me.
Suddenly the ground beneath me gave way and I fell along with the bikers, down to the ground floor. I felt a couple bones crack and the wind was sufficiently forced out of me. Luckily, I landed on the others. For a very long moment, I simply laid on the pile of flesh beneath me. I managed to push myself up and get to my feet. My whole body ached, hopefully some of it would be numbed down when my new pills kicked in fully. Giving a solitary look to the bikers, I saw that they hadn't survived. Clutching my ribs, I limped through the hall, heading toward surgery. I had to hurry. Whatever, L had unleashed, it wouldn't be good.
Reaching the area where the girls where, I saw both of them lying on the ground, unconscious. My eyes widened as I saw who was standing over them. Her physical features were deformed and different. There wasn't any flesh, just black and scaly skin, yellow eyes with slitted pupils. Yet there was the familiarity about her foreign features. And the name on the back of her leather jacket spelled out her identity clearly. Kobra.
She turned and stared at me. “Ready to die, Silver?”
***************
How does our hero respond? Talk? Fight? Try to lure her away? Try to check the girls? How does he survive?
_________________
Last edited by misterbiz on Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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