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Thunderbird
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 Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:28 pm Post subject: |
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I have a hard time just going with it too... logical mind needs rationalization! lol
Perhaps he fits together like a lego guy or an action figure? Makes you wonder about the rest of the anatomy don't it? (keep the tip)
Anyhow, um... I read this yesterday, loved it, and could simply not reply due to my internet getting stuck in all attempts to get this reply post page up. Sorry for that. And I was kinda thinking the coffee shop too.
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 CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...  
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Tainted Biohazard
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| Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2011 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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Pizza is always a good snack for those mid-day hungries. Especially if there's a joint that sells it by the slice. This guy would make a good source of ammo for someone who can throw things super well. I like him. I think I said that last time.
I noticed you didn't put my suggestion in the poll. That's fine. But then you went and made her deaf. Ugh. I suppose she's a functional deaf, so that's good. Perhaps you had that in mind already and my saying it was good you didn't offended you? If so I am sorry. I really don't mean to be offensive. It tends to be my 'aura' I suppose.
I'm still liking this. I wonder - do those bullies, being members of this school, have any powers too?
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 9:34 am Post subject: |
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so sorry Bio!! i totally missed your suggestion somehow. you didnt offend me at all! haha i just missed it.
as for her deafness, if you go back to the beginning, she's been deaf the whole time...not sure how everyone missed that... but she reads lips and uses the colors to know who she needs to look at, so yes, she's a very functional deaf. which is why she keeps her "disability" to herself. Mike is just especially perceptive. 
i do love pizza. haha! and your ammo suggestion could be a source of future action/humor. haha!
Kingston Crown is a Gifted school, so i'd guess they do...we just havent seen them yet.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 9:43 am Post subject: |
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Thunder...hmm...i'm trying to think of a way for this to work for your "rational minds" haha! in my head it just works. hahaha!!
Mike is completely whole when he isnt under stress. he just has the appearance of a zombie type creature...minus the blood and rotting. when his body is under stress, however, the joints just separate. his skin/muscle/fat cells separate with them. try not to think of a normal, real body part. you've seen the plastic hands where the end of it is just flat? it's like that. after the stressor is gone, though, his body can fuze back together.
did that help at all?
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 10:09 am Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: | | he just has the appearance of a zombie type creature...minus the blood and rotting. |
 And how, precisely, is the appearance of a zombie type creature separated from the blood and rotting aspect? Would that not be... a normal human being?
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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no, dear...dang, you guys are really picking my poor character to pieces!
ok. he's green. has red eyes. black hair. and for one reason or other, he falls apart.
do i need to continue running around about Mike or can we go on with the story?
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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| yes...pleas stop picking the character to death...in the universe of the story...the physics of his anatomy makes perfect sense. and his falling apart isn't vital to the story...so, please...can't we all just...let it go...
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with the above. Mike's condition is of no consequence to the dp, and the story is still very much in its early stages. Given time, the character can grow, and we might find a little bit more out about him, which is how it goes with most stories. A character will gain more depth, reason, and purpose as the story expands. We're already finding more out about the lead, , and likeliness is Mike will be the same.
As for myself, I'm enjoying it. It's a very different take on a romance, it seems. Certainly not what I was expecting upon first reading it. And I have absolute faith that we will discover more about Mike's condition as time goes on. He's hardly going to just blurt it out immediately upon meeting her, especially since most of the time was taken up patching him up, and in the middle of a potential fight.
DP time - Go to the coffee house. At least people will be aware of Mikes condition, and won't be overly nosey.
Keep up the good work An!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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I found your answer quite sufficient actually - though I, too , felt Whitey's question was engendered by the comment quoted. This is not to pick you or your character apart but a form of feedback that lets you know where the reader's mind might be on these matters - scrambling for such rationale. When the mind is left looking for answers to these things, it does detract from the core of the story and become a distraction (for me anyhow, which is why I pressed for an answer.)
Nevertheless, as you explained it, it made total sense, and suggests that he can take a lot of damage too, extremely regenerative - a hidden benefit of what appears at first to be a detracting 'ability' as he literally falls to pieces over the slightest of things. If he can learn to harness his nerves, he may find it quite useful. And I think this is a big part of what we were looking for - the silver lining in his impediment.
But yeah, I can also understand you may have felt a bit hounded there - sorry for that.
_________________
CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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that's quite alright, T. you werent chasing me around in circles with it after i'd given my answer. lol! i was happy to answer...but once i gave an answer, there was no point in going around & around about it.
guess it's time for a poll!
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| Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:49 pm Post subject: Chapter 4 |
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I hadn’t laughed that much in a long time. Mike’s antics and his dark sense of humor kept a smile on my face while we munched on pastries and I sipped my white mocha latte. Mike hated coffee, but he went with my choice of snack places, so he happily drank the Coke he smuggled in. I sort of felt bad for going somewhere he didn’t particularly like, but he wouldn’t hear of doing otherwise.
Other than the obvious, the reason I truly love coffee shops is the atmosphere. The colors that come from such a place are generally mild and serene. Everyone speaks quietly, and no one is overly excited…with the exception, perhaps, of Mike and me. We were laughing and cutting up like the oldest of friends.
In the midst of our conversation, from behind me, I saw a thin, pink stream of waves. I knew that color. Turning, I saw one of my kids from the clinic running full speed in my direction. This is quite an accomplishment seeing as how she’d recently finished her third round of chemotherapy. Without hesitation, the little girl leapt into my arms. Her mother started to scold her, then realized it was me and went on with ordering her coffee, smiling.
“Hi, Ms. Aria!!” Abby squealed.
“Hi, Sweetheart,” I said, hugging the child. “Where’s your friend?” Her face grew downcast.
“He disappearded,” she pouted.
“Did something happen to the paper?” I asked knowingly. She nodded. “Ah, well. I told you that would happen eventually, huh? Why don’t I fix you up a new one. Will that work?” She looked up, a flicker of a smile returning. “Alright,” I laughed. Looking at Mike, who had a strange expression on his face that I couldn’t interpret, I held up a finger. “Just a sec.”
Knowing that this little girl was in need of a friend who was a little more durable than the last, I pulled a handkerchief out of my bag along with my trusty sharpie marker.
“You want the same friend or a new one?” I asked her.
“I want Jeff,” she replied from where she’s was now seated in my lap. With her thumb in her mouth, she watched me work with anticipation.
As quickly as I could, I sketched the creature onto the handkerchief. He was simple. A heart with arms, legs, and a face, but he was Abby’s original design, and she loved him. He used to be a mere imaginary friend…until she met me!
After finishing the design with the few colors I had with me, I let the drawing rest on the table and we waited. Abby leaned forward, eyes as big as saucers. Mike had a curious look on his face as he, too, watched the handkerchief. Within seconds, the creature’s outline, scaled up a foot or two, began to appear next to our table. Abby let out a squeal and jumped from the table. When he was fully formed, she hugged her old friend, kissed my cheek, and ran back to her mother, dragging “Jeff” with her.
My bittersweet thoughts following the child were interrupted by a light tap on my arm. Mike was looking impressed.
“That was…really cool!” he marveled.
“Thanks,” I laughed sheepishly. “It’s good for…entertaining.”
“Do you spend a lot of time with them?” Mike pressed, “The kids, I mean.”
“Yeah,” my warm smile reflected my feelings toward the children. “I got a job as a CNA up at the clinic, but I have a lot of extra time between my duties, so I draw for them whenever I can. Seems to help them.” Mike nodded. It is then that my curiosity got the best of me. I’m usually so good at hiding my disability. How had he found out? “So…how did you know I’m deaf?”
“That’s easy,” Mike laughed, “Julian told me.” As if in answer to the questioning look on my face, Mike said, “Come to think of it, I’m not sure how he knew…Julian’s an interesting guy. He doesn’t talk about himself all that much. From what I know, his Gift is teleportation, he gets a lot of attention from girls (and a few guys), but doesn’t seem to want it, and he’s always looking out for everyone else. He’s never looked down on me...In case you couldn’t tell, that’s not exactly normal.” Mike ended with a lighthearted laugh. About that time, his pinky finger landed on the floor next to the table. “Damn.”
Abby, on her way out the door with Jeff and her mother, stopped and picked up the finger as though it was nothing. With a smile, she returned it to Mike. Caught off guard by the little girl’s fearlessness, he took the finger with a quiet, “Thank you…” Abby giggled and caught up to her mother who was waiting for her at the door. She waved to me gratefully before they exited.
After watching Mike struggle for a moment, I pulled out the duct tape Julian had given me earlier. I took Mike’s finger from him and began taping it to his hand.
“So,” I started, to break the awkward silence, “How does this…work…exactly?”
“What, the falling apart thing? I don’t quite know, to be honest,” Mike laughed. “I guess my joints hold together just enough to support me and allow me to move. When I get stressed though, my tissues just separate, and, well…you know. When the skin comes in contact with itself though, it fuses back together after just a few minutes. Comes in rather handy really. I never have to pay much for airfare…just break down and have someone ship me!”
I couldn’t hold in the laughter that burst from me again. The image of Mike in pieces, stuffed in a suitcase was too much. I was surprised though when Mike spoke again. His humor was absent, and was replaced by sheer curiosity.
“Aria, if you can’t hear,” he paused, gathering his thoughts, “how do you speak so easily?”
That question was an easy one to answer. For that, though, I pulled out a regular sheet of paper from my bag and my trusty set of colored pencils. I spoke as I drew.
“Once I know who’s speaking, I just read lips,” I had almost finished the doodle. Mike waited quietly until I was finished drawing and laid the pencil down. Mike’s crimson eyes grew large as beautiful patterns and colors filled the air between us.
“Wha—” Mike stopped suddenly as his crimson and black waves joined the others. I smiled warmly as Mike clapped a hand over his mouth. The gesture made more waves in a different color which startled him. He sat perfectly still from that point, watching the air between us.
“And this is how I know who is speaking,” my own waves were a royal, electric blue.
“Is that…”
“It’s the sound travelling through the air,” I said softly. “Each sound has its own unique pattern and color. I see this all the time.” I ripped the paper in my hands, and the colorful waves vanished, to Mike’s eyes. For me, they continued to swirl in their never-ending dance.
“Wow,” was all Mike could manage. At that moment, a barista checked in to make sure everything was alright. When she’d gone, casual conversation ensued until it was time for the café to close. After comparing schedules and promising to meet again, Mike and I parted ways.
I walked the familiar streets of the quiet town back to my apartment alone…or so I thought. Given Mike’s gentlemanly nature, and the fact that it was well after dark, one might have wondered why it was that I found myself alone, but I hadn’t really considered any of this. I had been too wrapped up in thoughts of the wonderful day I’d just had—too consumed with happiness at having a new friend to wonder why I’d been left to walk alone at night. Besides, the town surrounding Kingston Crown had just above a crime rate of zero, so why should I worry?
More than suddenly though, I was snapped back to reality when sound waves from beside me interrupted my thoughts. That sick, orange color was far too familiar. It was too dark for me to see the face, so other than knowing he was speaking, and he was not alone, I was helpless to know exactly what the jock from earlier was saying…I didn’t have to know his words to sense his intentions, however. The way his friends circled around me made that all too clear.
Remembering my defensive techniques from karate, I lowered myself into a forward stance and waited for an attack. Watching the sounds around me, I could see each shift in movement. One of them stepped up from behind me. With a quick back kick, I sent him to the ground. One from the side—roundhouse to the ribs. Other side—wrist grab then throw.
Before I was ready again, though, the first boy was on his feet and coming at me fast. While I waited for a time to strike, the leader grabbed me from behind and squeezed hard, knocking the breath from my lungs. As I struggled to breathe and escape his vice like grip, he threw me to the ground. My vision grew hazy as blood from my forehead oozed into my eyes.
The pain in my head was only secondary to the pain in my arms as the man holding me to the ground gripped them far too hard.
Desperately, I brought my knee up as hard as I could, knocking him off balance so I could roll and get to my feet. As I ran, I suddenly felt the bones in my wrist shatter as the jock grabbed me again. A silent scream escaped my lips as I was thrown to the ground once again.
This had all occurred in less than one minute, but to me, it felt like an eternity. I lay on the ground, unable to move anymore thanks to my captor’s inhuman strength and a well placed punch that left me further dazed.
It was then that I saw, or rather didn’t see, the black void that was swiftly engulfing the boys where they had gathered to watch. Their crude laughter turned into screams of horror as one by one, they disappeared.
When they were all gone, I looked around to see a trembling form on hands and knees off to the side of where I was lying. The waves emanating from the figure suggested wheezing, labored breaths. I was taken away from wondering about the person though when a hand took my face gently. Though I couldn’t interpret the words in the darkness, Mike’s crimson sound waves filled my vision before shock and pain stole my consciousness, and I sank into darkness.
*****
What?? Our fate is now in the hands of Mike and the mysterious wheezing figure. Where do we wake up? The hospital? Our apartment? Somewhere else?
Last edited by Andolyn on Sat Aug 25, 2012 7:44 am; edited 2 times in total
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misterbiz
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| Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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Loved this chapter. Especially the conversation between the two....and the girl picking up the pinky.
She wakes up in her room with Mike and the stranger. Yes. that what I say should happen.
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Tainted Biohazard
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| Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 11:12 pm Post subject: |
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We wake up in a cave on the beach, the abode of the stranger who rescued us.
I liked this. The combat scene was very well correographed and the humor was nice and a little off taste too which was good.
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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Best chapter yet, I think! 
Lets wake up at exactly the same place where we were. It may not be safe, but the Jocks won't come back here for sometime.
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:40 am Post subject: |
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Secret lair! Secret lair!
She wakes in a hard bed in a brightly lit room, surrounded by a group of people from the university. The room's walls are shining metal, and there are no windows and only one door (that she can see). Mike is sitting watching her, and calls out to the others. She doesn't recognise most of them, but she can see a dark blur in the corner that she assumes is the coughing man. Julian is there too, berating a man she recognises as one of the Jocks. He's trying to say that he had to do it so as not to blow his cover. They leave off the discussion when Julian hears Mike's shout, and come over to tell her who they are and that she's going to have to join them now she's seem so much.
I... didn't intend for the idea to get so detailed, but there you go. Free DP as well, probably.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Andolyn! 
Another good chapter, along with a small description of the ins and outs of Mike's condition, to satisfy any of those who were curious to know. I'm with Bizzy, I loved the conversation between Aria and Mike in the coffee shop. It added an air of normality in the middle of an unusual setting (the school for the gifted, not the coffee shop), and I think that's an important element to have with this kind of tale. And I believe that both of your SGs qualify for the spotlight! Very well done!
For the DP, I'm going to say she wakes up exactly where she is. It's not going to be a very good idea for Mike and the other to try to move her, as she's not only hit her head, but also a shattered wrist, and possibly other injuries. It would be best just to leave her with one watching over her, whilst the other goes to get someone in authority, who might have a better idea as to what to do. Or alternatively, she wakes up in the hospital/sickbay. She needs those battle wounds taken care of.
Looking forward to chapter 5! Keep up the good work!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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| Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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when did this one get a sticky?? i missed that somehow. XD
thank you everyone for the comments and encouragement. =) if i may say so, i'm liking the idea of her being there or in the hospital. that's just my two cents though. haha! i'll start polling tomorrow probably since we've had such good responses already.
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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Aside from the wheezing, I got the impression that the 'bad guys' were being somehow teleported away, suggesting that our previous mysterious hero had made a return. Thus I was thinking, she could now be just about anywhere with the both of them - perhaps at Ayer's rock in Australia, just to name a distant and fascinating locale.
But with the note about the wheezing, I get the feeling something else has taken place here, perhaps some kind of character with a vortex power or something of than nature, someone who's quite healthy but seems to constantly ooze the essence of unhealth on appearance, who can throw victims into a black hole frozen torpor which eventually wears off harmlessly.
In this case, perhaps just waking up in the nurse's office or exactly where she is would then be better options.
Still loving it An!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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| you are incredibly insightful, TBird.
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| Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Need more votes everyone!!! i'm putting up the new chapter tonight if i can!!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:12 am Post subject: |
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Slowly, I opened my eyes...well...one eye. The other was swollen shut. The lighting in the room where I lay was dim, but I could see. The ambient waves bouncing off the ceiling were clearly those given off by the sea--a sound I loved to see.
Interrupting my serene thoughts, Mike's waves passed before my eyes. I looked around and saw that I was lying on a table. I was in what appeared to be a small living area. Pacing nervously along the far wall, I saw Mike. His hands were missing, which told me more about his mood at the moment than the pacing. Waves of an unfamiliar color came from a young man who was washing his hands at the sink in the little kitchen. His back was turned to me, so I couldn't see what he was saying.
Suddenly a cough came from my other side. I turned my head slightly. Pain kept me from turning it too far. Hunched over on the couch, looking exhausted and clutching his chest, was Julian.
Mike's sound waves caught my attention again.
"You really need to be more careful, Julian. That power of yours takes quite a toll on your body," Mike scolded. The man at the sink had turned around.
"He's right, you know? You'll kill yourself using that wicked thing one of these days," his lips formed the words.
Just then, the sound waves of children's laughter filled the air. That opalescent cascade of colors I adored so floated from the direction of the couch...were these Julian's waves?
"Would you rather I'd let them rape her?" his eyes were two icy caverns that seemed to never end. "I thought that was sort of the point of me following her home."
"Perhaps," the man by the sink was speaking again, "but physical force would have affected you less. You need to work on that ability before you use it just too often."
"I got angry," Julian answered simply. He paused to catch his breath before continuing. "I do need to work on it though. It only took a moment for me to fully power up, but if I'd have been faster I could have saved her from the damage she got while she waited for me."
Just then, Mike's face was hovering over mine.
"Well, good morning, Princess!" he smiled at me. "How're we feeling?" Truthfully, I was in more pain than I'd felt since the accident that took my hearing...and my family.
"I'm fine," I looked away sheepishly.
"Don't lie," Mike scolded, "John, here, can see when you lie." He jerked his head in the direction of the man leaning on the sink. I looked at Mike with disdain.
"You know how I feel then," I sighed.
"Yeah," a flash of sorrow crossed his eyes. "Good thing we've got a medic in the group, huh?"
I hadn't noticed before, but John was in fact wearing an EMT uniform. Come to think of it, I remembered seeing him in the ambulance bay a few times, bringing kids in to the Center.
"That may be," he answered Mike's comment, "but she still needs full medical attention. She's got some serious wounds there. Nothing my simple field technique will fix." He looked at the beeper on his belt that had just went off. "Well, duty calls. I'll check in with you later." He pointed an accusatory finger at Julian, who waved him off. "Mike, you'd better get her over to the clinic at the very least..."
"I can take her," Julian offered. He stood shakily, but was forced to sit back down when his breath was taken by a fit of coughing. "Or maybe I'll stay here."
Mike nodded, then lifted me off the table with hands that I hadn't seen get taped back on.
"Let's go, Princess," he laughed. I soon found that I had been correct in my assumption of being close to the sea. Mike carried me down a long, natural corridor of the cave and out onto a stretch of land 100 yards off the beach. He turned back to let me get a look. "There's my home, sweet home...aka, the "Secret Lair" for our little band of misfits."
I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes before the vibration of his chest told me he was speaking again. I sat up to where I could see his mouth in the darkness.
"I wasn't completely honest with you earlier," the ashamed look on his face saddened me. I waited silently for him to continue. "Julian is what I would consider to be one of my good friends. He's a misfit like me, but by his own choice. He's one of the most powerful Gifteds to grace the face of the planet, but he doesn't want the glory of it...reminds me of you, really." He paused to smile at me. "His weakness is his body though...like us. He's got asthma. It cuts him down from reaching his full potential, but as you could see, he's incredibly powerful in spite of all that."
I finally had the opportunity to ask the question that had been with me since I lost consciousness.
"Mike," my own waves looked strained, "W-what happened?"
Mike sighed. I could tell this was not an event he wished to recount, but I felt I needed to know.
"When we left the coffee shop, I saw Julian waiting in the shadows...he's very curious about you," a smile flashed across his stitched lips again, but it didn't reach Mike's eyes, "with good reason...anyway, I knew he'd watch out for you on your way home, so I went on my way. I didn't honestly expect anything to happen..." here, the pained look returned, "I heard it when you started screaming, and ran back. When I got there, though, Julian had already gotten to full power and was handling things nicely. When the wind from his vortex died down, you were about half conscious. I called John, and tried to help Julian, but I'm useless when it comes to medical stuff. He was blue and barely breathing within a couple of minutes...I was afraid I was going to lose both of you."
Mike sniffed, holding back tears that threatened him. He cleared his throat.
"John got there a few minutes later with his emergency kit. He shot Julian with some sort of medicine and got him breathing again, then he checked you over. He set your wrist once we got back to the Lair, and you know the rest. You were only out an hour or two."
Mike had finished his tale. I was too exhausted from the pain to respond, so I just laid my head back on his strong shoulder and went to sleep.
*********
When I woke again, the sun was up, and I was in a hospital room. Mike was asleep in the chair next to my bed. A cast had been set on my left arm.
Maybe I was a little further out than just sleeping, I thought to myself. I grabbed the TV remote and settled down to watch Criminal Minds, hoping it would drown the curiosity that plagued my mind. I wondered if Julian was alright. I wondered what had become of my attackers that had vanished into the blackness of Julian's vortex. I wondered how Mike's hands had been taped without my knowledge. A thousand questions flooded my mind and drowned my interest in the program at which I was currently staring.
My eyes found the table next to me where a piece of paper laid by my cell phone. How'd that get here? My phone was specifically for a deaf person. When the person on the other end spoke, it comes up as words on the screen. I didn't remember it being in my pocket at the house...
On the piece of paper, in unfamiliar handwriting, were the words, Mike's house and John's cell with the appropriate phone numbers out from each.
***
What should I do? Wake Mike and ask about Julian? Sit patiently and watch my program? Use the phone to call John? Call Mike's house to see if Julian is there? What would I say if I did call?
Last edited by Andolyn on Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:29 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | He's one of the most powerful Gifteds to grace the face of the planet, but he doesn't want the glory of it...reminds me of you, really." |
Wait, am I reading this right? Is she considered particularly powerful? We've not met a lot of Gifteds, so there's no real way to gauge how useful or strong powers are on average.
| Quote: | "His weakness is his body though...like us.
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I realise that Mike's weakness is his body (In quite a major way ) but do either of them consider her hearing a weakness? I got the impression that it almost didn't affect her, due to her Gift.
I'd say ring Mike's house to see if Julian is there. Julian seems to be the one who can answer her questions right now - namely, what happened to her attackers (and, if they're not OK, whether there'll be any punishment for him for misuse of his powers) and if he's OK. I really want to see more of him. This is the Romance forum, so let's get the love interest more involved (at least, I'm assuming he is. I like him).
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:11 am Post subject: |
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I was referring to the fact that she doesn't want the glory associated with being a Gifted.
and yes, she compensates, but (as we could see in the fight) when the lights go out, not being able to hear is a definite weakness. she could see that they were speaking, but had no idea what was being said. I'd say that would have been useful at the time.
also, you will see more of him, but do be patient. i re-did it this way so that things would develop slowly. =)
aaaaand, with my writing, it's safe to say, never assume anything. i might just throw a wrench into the works out of pure spite.
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:29 am Post subject: |
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Hey Andi!
Another good chappie! I particularly liked this first paragraph...
| Quote: | | Slowly, I opened my eyes...well...one eye. The other was swollen shut. The lighting in the room where I lay was dim, but I could see. The ambient waves bouncing off the ceiling were clearly those given off by the sea--a sound I loved to see. |
...A very simple, yet effective set of sentences. Love it!
I'm thinking the same way as Whitey actually. Call Julian, and see how he's doing. It's a good enough reason as any to call someone, especially if that someone rescued her from being raped or killed. And yeah, she could find out what happened to her attackers at the same time.
| Quote: | | aaaaand, with my writing, it's safe to say, never assume anything. i might just throw a wrench into the works out of pure spite. |
Oooo! Ruthless! I knew I liked you!
Keep up the good work! I look forward to more!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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The White Blacksmith
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:50 am Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: |
and yes, she compensates, but (as we could see in the fight) when the lights go out, not being able to hear is a definite weakness. she could see that they were speaking, but had no idea what was being said. I'd say that would have been useful at the time.
|
Ah, thanks for clearing that up. I'm not sure why, but I always kind of had the impression that she could tell what people were saying - or at least the meaning of it all. If she has to lip read at the same time, that makes more sense.
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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| indeed. i felt there had to be SOME effect of her being deaf...otherwise, what's the point, right? =)
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Thunderbird
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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I enjoyed the chapter - enjoying the story even more overall if that makes sense.
I don't see any compelling reason not to simply call John (I take it that's Julian's nick-name...) if for no other reason than to thank. This also makes me wonder about our own intended living situation... we were just arriving on campus. Do we have a room we are yet to visit?
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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Read it again, T. Julian and John are two different people. Julian is our mysterious savior from the attack, John is the medic who revived Julian after his attack.
Aria's apartment is nearby. We haven't visited her apartment yet, but that's where she was heading when the football players attacked her.
i'm so glad you're liking it!! i have big plans for this one. =)
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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Im loving this story, but Im gonna have to leave this DP without a suggestion :/
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Andolyn wrote: | Read it again, T. Julian and John are two different people. Julian is our mysterious savior from the attack, John is the medic who revived Julian after his attack.
Aria's apartment is nearby. We haven't visited her apartment yet, but that's where she was heading when the football players attacked her.
i'm so glad you're liking it!! i have big plans for this one. =) |
Ah... sorry about that. I was just waking up from a nap when I decided to read it... was still a bit fuzzy in the head so I'll come back to read back through in just a bit.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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| teeheehee...not a problem. you'll have to lemme know what the clear minded TBird thinks. haha!
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Tainted Biohazard
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| Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | "Don't lie," Mike scolded, "John, here, can see when you lie." He jerked his head in the direction of the man leaning on the sink. I looked at Mike with disdain. |
Makes sense to me. huh.
I think what I'm beginning to miss, however, is some of the inner emotional sensations our heroine is undergoing. Who is she feeling a connection to now and why? Any of them? We could have quite a little love square going here but I don't see where its going. Maybe that's a good thing. I'm all for Mike. He needs the love more than the others. Surely Julian can find an appropriate love interest even if we do think more of him as he's saved us and our zombie friend just falls apart under stress. Besides, it seems as if we can handle ourselves - mostly. Go under dog!
Anyhow, I think she should wake Mike for a discussion.
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| Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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| see...now that's the fun part...III dont even know who she'll end up with yet. XD i guess we'll just have to see where the story takes us!
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| Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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Ah... I think that line Bio pointed out was where I slipped... after reading it through I remembered just about everything BUT that. I just read through seeing John as Julian and not finding that spot at all amiss for it. Uhf.
I still think a quick call to John to thank is in order... that will naturally wake up Mike I'd think.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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| Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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This was another amazing chapter. =)
Oh, I guess she should just wait for one of those 3 to show up. Or probably call them up and ask one of them to show up. I'd believe that a girl would be really shaky and would like a male she trusts to stick around with her after she's been through something like this.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:13 am Post subject: |
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Mike's already there, just asleep. Voted to call Julian though... and it seems so did everyone else.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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The room was considerably darker now. When she left, so did the light. I sat alone in the darkness wondering why that was when Alyson, another member of our band of misfits came bouncing into the cave-house.
“JUUUULIIIIEEE,” her whining voice like nails on a chalkboard to my already troubled mind intruded on my pleasant thoughts of Aria. “Dang! You look terrible! You use that Gift of yours again?”
“I had to,” I replied simply.
Alyson plopped down in front of me on the coffee table. In place of skin, she was covered with purple scales. Her eyes were a golden yellow. Her power? Well, she should have been able to breathe fire…at least that’s what we think the original design was, but in reality, her ability is to blow fantastic smoke rings. Thus she got landed here in our little group.
“Whyyyyy?” she wasn’t going to let me wriggle out of this one. I sighed heavily. I knew how Alyson felt about me, and I had no desire to direct her jealous hatred toward Aria.
“Got in a fight,” the conversation would end there. I would see to it.
“Oh, well,” Alyson stood, tousled my hair, and bounced over to the kitchen, “you should really take better care of yourself.” If she only knew how close to death I’d been that night, she wouldn’t be this forgiving. “Where are Mike and John?”
“John’s at work…I’m not sure where Mike ran off to,” I lied.
“Probably with that girl,” she snorted, fixing a bowl of cereal, “he’s been following her like a lost puppy all day.” I didn’t like her tone when referring to Aria. Why was I this defensive of a girl I’d never even spoken to? Keeping those pigs in the limbo of my abyss was hard on me, and I was very tired…maybe that was it.
“Aria is a good friend to Mike,” I shot back harshly, “I should think you’d be happy for him. It’s not too often a girl like her is alright with someone like him….like any of us…” I sipped the hot drink John had forced on me before he’d left. Over the course of the hours, I’d had to reheat it several times. The sun had been in the sky for several hours by now, and I had yet to finish it.
Alyson shot a scrupulous look in my direction. She didn’t like my comment on the matter, but she also knew not to push me when I was in this mood. She rummaged around in the refrigerator for awhile.
“Classes start tomorrow, what’s your first?” she changed the subject.
“Developmental Psychology,” I replied, utterly uninterested. I could still see Aria’s golden curls cascading over the edge of the table John had used as a work space. There was something enchanting about the girl. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Suddenly the phone rang. Alyson, her usual nosy self, sprang into action, but I was faster.
“Hello?” I asked the silence. The voice on the other end was quiet and clear. I smiled at the very sound.
“Hello, Julian?” after hearing her say my name, nothing else seemed to matter. She was alright, and the world was bright again.
*****
I didn’t remember much of the conversation, but I somehow found myself walking to the hospital. I would have teleported, but my body was still too weak. Unfortunately, since I had to walk, that meant Alyson was trailing behind me, chattering noisily. I probably should have simply said no when she’d asked to come with me, but I have an inability to be rude to a girl…unless she asks for it.
Instead of worrying about Alyson, however, my mind was on the events of the last day and night. I’d first spotted Aria while visiting my sister at the Center. Aria had been working on the floor where my sister stayed that day. It was nice to finally see the woman my little sister spoke so highly of. The way she lit up as she played happily with the children was truly captivating. As I watched her, though, it struck me that Aria observed her environment with such precision. She relied heavily on her sense of sight. Perhaps this was just a learned habit. But maybe there was something more.
On the first day the campus was open, I saw Aria again, mapping out her classes. She carried herself with an air of innocence that I found hard to ignore. I had to introduce her into our group somehow, and I knew just the guy to break her in. I spotted Mike having his usual trouble with the football team. He was a geek, and that meant he was a prime target for torment. When his hand got tossed, I couldn’t resist teleporting to make sure it was directly in Aria’s path.
Now all I had to do was sit back and wait. I was counting on Aria being as clumsy as I guessed she would be. I was in luck. I was also counting on her having as big a heart as I thought she did…again, my luck held. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them conversing. Now I knew that Aria’s hesitancy to rely on her hearing was not out of preference, but out of necessity. The moment of hesitation for her to respond when she wasn’t looking at Mike was a clue. Also, when he spoke, her eyes never left Mike’s lips. I knew then that she was reading them.
That’s when the downward spiral began. The brainless juggernauts weren’t quite finished with my friend, but Aria distracted them immediately. It wasn’t her subtle elegance or the aura of sweetness that she gave off that caught their attention. No, it was the fact that hers was a female body the captain of the team had yet to enjoy. He was used to girls throwing themselves at his feet. So was I. But I was pleasantly surprised when she landed a quick right hook on his jaw. The fact that it was not in self defense that she struck, but instead, out of a desire to defend my friend (who was now in pieces on the ground) spoke volumes about her character to me.
I couldn’t help the burst of laughter that flooded from me, but I was sobered immediately when Drake, the captain stood to challenge her. That’s when I teleported to Mike’s side.
“Take these guys out Julian,” Mike’s anger was evident. Instead, I let my aura flow freely, knowing it would dishearten the attackers.
“Stay with her, Mike,” I spoke through gritted teeth. “She needs us as much as we need her.” Mike looked at me questioningly. “She’s deaf, Mike.” A look of shock crossed his crimson eyes, but his anger flared again as the team retreated. I waited while Aria came back, fussing over Mike’s current state. She seemed to be oblivious to my presence for a short while, but then thanked me in that sweet voice of hers.
After that, I took my leave. I’d let Mike get acquainted with Aria while I checked in on my little sister. I had never actually spoken to Aria, but I felt like I knew her through Sister. Abby was running around with mom for the day to celebrate finishing her third round of chemotherapy. I knew that their first stop would be the hat shop. A new cover for the slick place where her ebony hair had been was in order. Abby was at an age where her looks didn’t particularly matter to her, so that helped, but it chipped at my heart each time I held a handful of those beautiful curls detached in my hand. She had been in remission for so long this time, too…
I entered the little shop to hear my sister’s happy shrieks as she tried on the most flamboyant hats she could find. I stood by the door, smiling at her and our mother, not wanting to interrupt their moment of joy. It didn’t take too long for Abby to notice me though. She giggled in excitement and ran to me, leaping into my outstretched arms.
“Brother!!” she squealed. I held her. My sister was 16 years my junior. Some have called her an “accident”, but I call her a miracle.
After the hat shop, a coffee was in order for mom. Before we got there, however, I chose to allow mom and Sister their day and go my own way. The evening passed with little event, and before I knew it, I found myself outside the coffee shop again. The lights had just gone out and the last customers were making their way out the door.
Mike and Aria chatted for a second before Mike and I made eye contact. He nodded subtly to me before heading toward the Lair. Walking with my softest steps, as I usually did, I followed at a distance to ensure Aria’s safe return home. She was stunning in the moonlight, and I was far too shy to speak to her as of yet.
Then the battle began. From the instant I saw them coming at her, I began to focus every ounce of my strength into creating a vortex. Rage like I’d never felt began coursing through me at the very thought of them laying even a finger on her. Aria was defending herself well enough, but there were too many coming at her at once.
I had been sure I couldn’t get angrier…until I heard the sickening crack of her wrist and heard her tortured scream. My vortex was complete, and I was hell bent on killing the man poised over her bleeding form. I knew I had to hurry. It would only be a few seconds before my body broke under the pressure.
Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by Alyson’s whining.
“Why’re you goin’ to the hospital?? Are you THAT sick from the fight last night??”
“No,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I would never come to the hospital voluntarily for myself. She couldn’t see my face right now anyway. “I’m here to visit someone. I’ll be back at the Lair later.”
With that, I dismissed myself and headed for the hospital door. I didn’t mind her walking with me, but Alyson wouldn’t be with me when I visited Aria. Aria had enchanted me, and I wanted some time with her…just her. I might not get it while Mike was there, and that would be alright, but I’d have no chance of going off alone with her if Alyson was tagging along.
I made my way through the maze of a hospital, my heart rate picked up slightly as I got closer and closer to the room where I knew Aria was resting.
When I rounded the corner into her room, Aria was sitting up in bed. Mike was awake now and had stolen the jello off her lunch plate. Her eye and the side of her face was blackened by bruising, a large cut had been stitched on her forehead, and her lower arm was bound in a royal blue cast, but Aria’s carefree smile and the sound of her voice still took my breathe.
“Hey, Julian”
*****
What should we do now? Does Julian offer to take Aria outside? Does Mike "suddenly remember something he needs to do"? Do all three of them just sit and talk? Other suggestions?
Last edited by Andolyn on Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:38 am; edited 2 times in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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Good chapter Andi! And nice to have another point of view on the situation, and discover how Julian feels too. You managed to merge the two perspectives together very well too. Well done!
One teeny mistake that I picked up on...
| Quote: | | I had enchanted me, and I wanted some time with her…just her. |
I'm guessing that the 'I' should be 'she' or 'Aria'. But that is all.
I think that having Mike there at first might make it a little easier on Julian, with him being a familiar face in Julian's life. I say they grab a cuppa, and sit and talk, in order for Aria and Julian to get to know each other better, before the latter make any moves based on his feelings for her.
Much enjoyed, Andi! Looking forward to more!
_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
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Andolyn
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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teehee...oops. lol! that has the potential to be a very bad mistake. lol
fixed!
whew...this was a big 'ol chunk of a chapter! lol!
i'm glad you enjoyed it though. =)
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Vishal Muralidharan
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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Well... I was really confused in the beginning when I kept reading "I" as "Aria", but then once I realized my mistake, it was quite a comfortable read.
Good chapter there and as for the DP... Being a guy, if I was Julian, I wouldn't want Mike there. In fact, I wouldn't want anyone other than myself with Aria at the moment. You wrote it correctly when Julian didn't want Alyson to come along.
But if I were Mike, I wouldn't listen to Julian, and stay there, just to make sure he's going okay.
Sometimes, when you're (very) conscious that someone is watching you, words don't come out so freely.
I say, Mike pretends to leave, and eavesdrop on them (I know...  ) and if things aren't going they way they should be, he walks back in and 'rescues' Julian.
_________________
The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
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