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Rebels - Part 2

 
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 4:02 pm    Post subject: Rebels - Part 2 Reply with quote

Crickets. And a lot of them. The sound was enough to drive anyone mad. Especially someone with very little to do and no one to converse with.

Baustilo pulled his cloak a little tighter around his diminutive form, trying to keep the night air out and his body heat in. He let out a bored sigh, watching his breath cloud billow out and evaporate into the darkness of the forest. Sleep was going to be impossible that night, and that irritated Baustilo to no end.

Nevertheless, he leaned his head back against the rough bark of the tree he was sitting against and closed his eyes. He kept one hand on the hilt of the dagger at his belt.

Cricket sounds were going to be the end of him, he was sure. He was going to be driven insane by crickets. And so would end the dismal life of poor Baustilo.

Out of the darkness and rising above the massive chorus of insects, the sound of hooves pounding the ground brought Baustilo's head up and a frown to his face.

He jumped to his feet and looked around, trying to discern the direction of the approaching horses.

"Perhaps a death by brigands then," Baustilo whispered to himself. He unsheathed his dagger and then looked down at it doubtfully. Shrugging, he raised it and prepared for a battle he calculated his odds of winning at 700 to 1.

The horses were coming right at or unnervingly close to his position, which made perfect sense to Baustilo. Just when he didn't think things could get any worse than listening to crickets all night, fate had to go and prove him wrong.

Sure enough, a band of five horsemen pulled up within eyesight of Baustilo's tree, but they didn't see little wide-eyes Baustilo standing in the darkness with his tiny bone dagger in hand.

They didn't look so bad, Baustilo told himself. They looked tired, exhausted maybe. And sure, they looked well armed and two of them carried wicked scars and appeared to be missing teeth, but not too bad.

One wasn't armed at all and his hands were bound in front of him. Unlike the others, he didn't look like a warrior of any sort.

Baustilo narrowed his eyes. The bound man was a prisoner then. And the others looked like soldiers. Soldiers belonging to the King.

"Hmm." The little man re-sheathed his dagger and strode up to the group.

"Hail, brave soldiers," he called out in the strongest voice he could muster.

Five faces turned to him and four sets of weapons left their resting places. After a moment of tense silence and the taking-in of the little person standing before them, one of the soldiers spoke.

"Identify yourself!"

"Identify himself?" asked one of the man's comrades. "He's a little person! What more do you want him to identify?"

The other soldiers broke into laughter and weapons were put back into their resting places. They dismounted, one soldier roughly pulling the prisoner off his horse and sending the bound man tumbling to the ground with a groan.

"Indeed, a little person I am." Baustilo bowed graciously. "I request the night in your presence."

"Presence?" spoke one soldier. "What do you want our presence for?"

"Good soldier, a night with anyone beats a night alone with this racket." Baustilo gestured around him.

"What racket?"

Baustilo paused a moment and looked at the soldier. "Crickets, sir. Crickets."

The confused soldier turned his stare on the trees around them. "Oh yeah. I hear em'."

"Indeed."

The soldier who had spoken first looked at Baustilo and nodded. "You can stay, little man."

Baustilo bowed again. "My thanks, good soldier."


* * * * *

A little later, the group of six was seated around a good-sized fire. Baustilo was particularly relaxed. The crackling of flames drowned out the ridiculous things in the forest and the heat swept the cold away.

The prisoner sat hunched over, looking glum.

Baustilo gestured toward him. "What is his crime?"

The prisoner looked up, a sour expression on his face, then went back to staring at the ground.

The leader of the soldiers, a man called Brax, threw some sort of meat into his mouth and sent an icy glare toward Basutilo. The firelight added to the already lined and stone-like features of the man. "Feeling sorry for him?"

Basutilo snorted. "Not at all. Just looking for conversation."

Brax wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "He's a deserter."

Nodding, Baustilo glanced at the deserter. "And you're headed to Jardale?"

Brax nodded, popping another sliver of dead animal into his mouth. "All deserters are sentenced before the high court."

"Seems like a long, somewhat extraneous trip to occupy four soldiers for one deserter."

Another soldier, Flin, threw a twig into the fire. "Ain't nothing else for us to do. Not as if there's any wars for us to be fighting in. We're reduced to piss duty like this."

The soldier who had noticed the cricket sounds for the first time, Bregor, looked perplexed. "Wait. What's extraneous mean?"

Brax shook his head. "If you're still worried about what someone said three turns ago, maybe you shouldn't worry about the conversation at all."

"Two turns ago," said the fourth soldier, Pyfo.

"What?" Brax spat.

Pyfo was staring deeply into the fire and slurping something from his wooden spoon and bowl. He raised an eyebrow at his captain. "Two turns. Extraneous came up two turns ago in the conversation, Captain. Not three."

Brax glared at Pyfo for a second and then shrugged. "It doesn't matter when extraneous came up in the conversation. The point is that Bregor probably shouldn't be in the conversation. Period."

Baustilo stretched his body and leaned back, his hands behind his head. "I must thank you again kind sirs for allowing me to partake in your little group for the night. I have truly missed stimulating conversation."

Bregor, who was sitting next to the glum prisoner, raised his hand in acknowledgement. "You're welcome, little person. Now if you don't mind one, tiny question." He raised two fingers close together to demonstrate the small proportion of his upcoming inquiry.

Flin rolled his eyes and then slapped Bregor around the back side of the head.

"What was that for?"

"It's one thing to be insulting to somebody and their physical dimensions. It's another to be so stupidly insulting that you have no idea that you are being insulting. That's just insulting to the art of being insulting."

Pyfo snorted, his liquid meal exiting through his nose. Brax shook his head while Bregor still looked confused.

He looked back at Baustilo. "Anyway. My question is this. Where do the little people live? I mean. We see one or two once in a while. Sometimes a bunch in a whole pack. But where exactly is the mystical community of little people?"

The other three soldiers rolled their eyes and sighed.

"Well, my good man. That's actually a very good question. First, you should know, as helpfully descriptive as little people is, we're actually known by a different name. We're called Nuitherans."

Bregor nodded, his eyes glued to Baustilo. The other three looked quizzically at the Nuitheran.

"Are you being funny?" Flin asked, more curious than disbelieving.

Baustilo shook his head, quite serious. "I assure you, Master Flin, I am not being funny. We Nuitherans live in the lands to the south, beyond the Proodus mountain range. Which is probably why many humans don't actually know we're a race all to ourselves."

Brax put down his half-finished leg of whatever he was eating and rested his hands on his knees, his eyes widening a little. "How can this be? I've never heard any record of Nui…bui…erans-"

"Nuitherans," Pyfo corrected the captain.

"Whatever."

"I assure you, my good captain, we exist and we're quite abundant in the southern lands. Only a few know or acknowledge our existence as our own people."

Brax shook his head. "It doesn't make sense. How can there be a whole 'nother race living in Hymaru that we know nothing about?"

Pyfo nodded, having put down his bowl and spoon, he was now stroking his chin thoughtfully. "It seems we should have taken those lands many years ago."

"Aye." Brax nodded emphatically. "Why haven't we spread to these southern lands?"

Baustilo looked at the solders around him and shrugged. "I suspect because it's a lot more work than it's worth. The few humans who have braved the Proodus mountais would tell you that it's not a big, or particularly profitable tract of land. And trying to take an army through those mountains would be hazardous."

Flin tossed another stick into the fire. "Would be something to do at least."

Bregor crossed his arms. "I knew it!"

Brax still looked confused. "But… but how? How did your race come to be? Nothing in the scriptures say anything about Vars creating…. your kind."

"Well," Basutilo began. "I suspect somewhere along the way, our common evolutionary ancestor branched off, and over time created two separate lines of species. Our scholars believe the Proodus mountains are the physical barrier that allowed the two peoples to evolve separate of one another."

The four soldiers looked speechless.

Flin threw his hands in the air. "What the hell does any of that even mean?"

"Sounds like magic," Bregor said.

Baustilo frowned. "It does, doesn't it? And, if you don't mind me asking, but where did the deserter go?"

"WHAT?" Brax jumped to his feet, stepping in his plate of meat and bone. "BREGOR. WHERE DID HE GO?"

"Well how should I know, sir?"

"HE WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU."

The soldiers began scrambling together their weapons and gear.

Brax turned to Baustilo, who was still lying by the fire. "You. You're going to help us find him."

"I am?"

"You're partly responsible."

"And how do you figure that?"

"You're spending the night with us which means you must contribute. And your story was the distraction that allowed the prisoner to escape."

Baustilo sighed.


Last edited by Ramol on Fri May 20, 2011 10:25 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 4:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stylistically, I have nothing to add. You have a clean and entertaining narrative. Keep up the good work. Smile

As for the Decision Point, the implicit question seems to be whether to obey the soldiers or not. I'd say that if the soldiers don't find the prisoners, they are going to try to blame someone for their carelessness. Let's make sure that someone isn't Baustilo (if he is indeed who we are supposed to empathize with).

Plan of action for our hero: follow the soldiers into the darkness as if he is helping them, then sneak off before they vent their rage on him. Then continue his voyage (wherever it is he's going).
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Ramol, and welcome, both to IF and to the Fantasy Forest! Smile

This is a really good start, I really enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to further chapters.

As for the dp, I was of the same thinking as D, but I'm going to say to help them to look for him, and if Baustilo happens to be the one that finds him, try to help him escape from the others, and then find out why he turned deserter, when he knew what the punishment would be. He must have a good reason. I'm assuming by deserter, you mean that he too was one of the Kings soldiers, like the other four, and he deserted them?

Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome! Thanks for welcoming me and thanks for the suggestions. Yeah, so far it seems that Baustilo's options are disagree, agree whole-heartedly, or agree-with-a-plan-to-not-be-so-agreeable (like escape, or help the prisoner and himself escape).

Last edited by Ramol on Sun May 15, 2011 6:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh yeah, and the prisoner was a soldier for the King and deserted.
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looking forward to reading this - I'll get to it tomorrow when I find some more time.
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 1:04 am    Post subject: I Think...... Reply with quote

My my my, a fine little start to your life here on IF! A most hearty welcome my felow fantasy fiend!

I'd have to say, the light hearted man is truly heart warming while being equaly depressing. "Oh, I'm going to die now. Pity" The attitudeis amusing while making me wonder how sane he is Razz I like the way the story is going, definatly, and the interactions between the men is great!

Pokes, I'd like some more solid paragraphs, but that's a me thing. I got yelled at for not spacing over 2000 words cause I find it easter to read. *Grins* But at least 3 lines per para, unless there is ping pong chatter, would be nice. Um, the lack of any sort of response about the men saying, even jokingly, that they should invade his homeland makes me feel like there should be some sort of response from the little guy. Even if it's a "They so deserve it, good luck in that venture" feeling, there should be somthing. And, one last poke, A little more inner, and you're set! *Grins* Makes no sense, I know, so I'll explain better. I'd like some peeks inside our our Hero at the very least, about his feeling, other than the cricket are driving him nuts. The little info dump on history could have gone by smoother with some inner chuckles at the ignorant big people.

Oki, I'll stop picking on you now. DP! *Thinks of somthing random* Our Hero dutifly wander off in search of the escaped prisoner, but before he spots him, the prisoner captures our Hero and tells him some sort of earth shattering secret that sets them off on a whirlwind quest to right some great wrong, or find the mother of all tresures!

That's my thoughts on the matter! Let's see more of this fantastic story unfold!
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 4:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome Ramol!

A quirky little beginning here. I enjoy it.

I was at first rather surprised that our hero met the sound of approaching horsehoofs by standing at arms, ready to die. Seems in a forest it'd be much more natural to simply hide and watch. However this surprise was quickly replaced with a smile as he was undiscovered regardless, given his size.

A well masked identity, you revealed it grandly, drawing me into the story eager to read more.

An oddity... the question "But where exactly is the mystical community of little people?" would suggest there is some acceptance that the 'little people' are a separate race/species rather than just a collection of small humans. And yet there is such surprise once that race is given a name by Baustilo. Struck me as rather weird.

~

Decision point : he's enjoyed their fire, and their conversation. No reason to be ungrateful now and not help.

Happy Writing Smile
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 9:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks everyone for making me feel welcome! Yeah, interiority of characters is something I often gloss over or don't put too much effort into. My bad Very Happy But much appreciation for calling it out.... or I'd just continue heh heh Smile And I'll definitely keep the paragraph sizes in mind.

So I'm not sure what a normal time frame for putting polls up is and whatnot, but I'm thinking we probably have enough options for the DP?

Unemployment is a doozy so I'm not exactly pressed for time at the moment
Laughing

And these emoticons are shweeet. Mad
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 9:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh yeah, about the community of little peeps... the half-wit Bregor is one of the few who believes this with no evidence so it was assumed by his comrades he was asking another stupid question, which is why they were surprised. I can definitely see why some inner thoughts of Baustilo would help iron out some confusion Smile

I swear, these faces are probably the best thing of all time. Embarrassed
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 10:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello, Ramol. Very good narrating skills! I think Baustilo should help them out. Or will he one day join the fellow escapee... dun dun dun. The reading went through quite smoothly and I enjoyed it. The poll is at the first post, you edit the first post, you can do anything with the poll, any question and get any answer. If you want to make it linear, you can ask for that and you can always use the open ended Decision points: where one tells what to do, while the others suggest aswell, You choose both options or more and intertwine them, you can still play it here tough....
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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK awesome. I'll just go for the straight forward, vote away option. Poll is up btw Cool
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

uf... polling by the time I got a chance to read it!

Whew... this new speed driven city is going to be tough to keep up with Wink (Not that that's a bad thing...)

Ramol - What a wonderful introduction! Great characterizing - excellent dialogue - perfect touch of humor! And the writing, the grammar and spelling and such, are just superb. Welcome to IF! We're very happy to have you. Smile

Here's my only niggle:
Quote:
Sure enough, a band of five horsemen pulled up within eyesight of Baustilo's tree, but they didn't see little wide-eyed Baustilo standing in the darkness with his tiny bone dagger in hand.


I was kinda thinking this guy was a bit like a Halfling (sorry to pull out the old standby term.) And I don't know why, but from the beginning of the encounter, I thought perhaps he knew the prisoner - and had been waiting for them to come through. He was out here for SOME reason, no?

So my thought was that somehow, he actually helped the prisoner escape right from underneath the soldiers' notice.

Therefore, offer his excellent 'tracking' skills to lead them astray and make a hasty escape after sending them into a pit of his earlier design.

Since I missed the voting phase, I will leave this suggestion to be inherant in the act like he's helping but really help the prisoner escape option.

Oh, and don't forget to claim your 1k fable reward for starting a new sg under the Stimulus Plan by posting on that announcement in the city center!
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 6:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stimulus plan eh? I will get right on that! And thanks for the welcome! This whole site is a wondrous hub of creativity
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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I believe I had mentioned it was a good time to join IF, did I not? Wink
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PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2011 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome to IF, and well done! Much more polished than we normally see in a first chapter.

I do enjoy Baustilo quite a lot, and I also liked how you managed to, quite plausibly, work in exposition.

I'm actually most curious as to why there existed a deserter at all. Why would a soldier, in a time of no wars and thus no probable danger, flee his post when he knew doing so might result in death? I have the feeling he has a story to share, and I want to know it. And Baustilo, as crazed as he is for company and things of interest, seems like the kind of person who might be curious as well.
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 1:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Given that it has been mentioned that the prisoner doesn't look like a soldier, I suspect that there's more to this than meets the eye. Particularly since the other soldiers seemed so keen to shut up Bregor when he was being slow. I say we need to find out much more about who this prisoner, and from his own mouth. Follow him and help him escape.
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sweetness. The poll is leaning heavily in one direction! I'll leave it up for one more day, but I think we all know the answer Very Happy Thanks for the input everyone!!!
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, you people really want to jump in and help some random deserter huh? Okey doke, I guess that's what we'll do.

Ramol, brilliant work. You have a gift with scenario and situation. I can see a lot of details working together in this, even though we don't really know much about our main character or his motivations. I agree with Pope that the paragraphs probably ought to be a little longer, but it hasn't really been a problem for me (definitely better than having your paragraphs too big). I'm disappointed that the little person is of a race called ... I don't remember... when there's a perfectly good term already. Unless there are very distinct differences from hobbits, what's wrong with calling them hobbits? Tolkien made Lord of the Rings partly because he felt like England didn't have enough of its own folklore. He wanted people to carry his work forward, I think. But once again, it's a small matter. (One last note, I think your level of "interiority" is fine).

Thunderbird, I disagree with your conclusion that Baustilo was there to help the deserter. He wasn't expecting them, he thought they might be brigands. His "sure enough" was the confirmed fears that they were coming at him. He also didn't recognize the prisoner. DeadManWalking has a really good point that the deserter must have a story to desert his post during times of peace (nice observation!), but I'm still not convinced that we have enough reason to betray the hospitality of the King's Guard and put our life in danger for him.

I guess there's a chance the vote will change in the next day... but probably not. I guess we're tying our destiny in with this former soldier! I hope he's worth it.

EDIT: By the way, if we want to know which way the deserter actually went, we just have to listen to the crickets and go in the direction that is the quietest. Crickets stop chirping when they suspect a predator is nearby, and a man sneaking by them would certainly make them nervous. I know this because I have hunted for the little beggars on many sleepless nights.

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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a 'hunt him down' guy too - not sure where all this love is coming from for him. Razz
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Judging by the title of the story, he's probably more than just a deserter, he's a rebel. But what is he rebelling for (or against)? Perhaps that's a little out of scope of the character's knowledge... maybe... but we don't really know what the main character knows yet, except that he's not worried about telling the King's guards where his homeland is.
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lebrenth wrote:
Judging by the title of the story, he's probably more than just a deserter, he's a rebel. But what is he rebelling for (or against)?


That's surely why we can't just capture him and hand him straight over? The soldiers aren't going to give our MC any information, especially when he openly admits he's foreign. We need to learn a lot more about this prisoner, and the MC certainly seems inquisitive at least.
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i simply loved this chapter!!! it made me smile so much Very Happy
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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And I love the debate its generating!

You make some very valid points I overlooked there Lebby. Still, if the poll wins, I would like to think that it would do so then on WB's merits. Additionally, we may postulate that our protagonist may have a bit of anti-establishmentary sentiment - perhaps he, too, is a deserter from his own lands? I got the feeling throughout the camp scene that he was cleverly mis-portraying himself to the guards such that they might feel an unwarranted sense of security with him in their midsts.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's a decent chance he did actually see the prisoner escape, so maybe his anti-establishment, but he was nonetheless the one who brought it to the guards' attention in the first place. He seems rather cavalier about the whole thing, especially considering how outmatched he is if the guards turn on him (four well armed trained soldiers with horses versus a bone dagger).
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“What good do you think I can be? I am a ‘little person’ after all.”

Brax spat and strode over to Basutilo. He grabbed the Nuitheran by the scruff of his shirt and heaved him clear off the ground. Baustilo felt the air leave his lungs as he was jammed up against a tree. The blaze of the fire behind the Captain cloaked his face in darkness.

“Now you look here, you Nui-dui runt-”

“It’s Nuitheran, Sir.” Pyfo corrected.

“Shut up,” Brax replied. He grasped Basutilo a little tighter. “I ain’t asking. You’re going to help us find him. All you need are eyes and you have a perfectly good pair.” He dropped Baustilo who fell to the ground in a heap. “You travel through our lands, so you abide by our laws and those who enforce the laws.” The Captain turned to his men, who stood watching silently. “Flin, you’re with me.”

“Great,” Flin muttered.

Brax ignored him. “Pyfo, Bregor, you take the little fella with you. We meet back at this site in an hour and somebody better have the prisoner with him.”

“What if we don’t?” Bregor asked.

Brax ignored him and gestured Flin to follow. The pair disappeared into the trees.

Bregor called out after them. “Wait. Which way do we go?”

“Quiet, Bregor,” Pyfo murmured.

Basutilo rubbed his neck, ruefully staring in the direction Brax and Flin had just disappeared, suddenly feeling like he and prisoner had something in common.

Pyfo knelt next to the Nuitheran, his face expressionless. “You alright?”

Basutilo nodded. “You could just let me go,” he said, almost pleading.

Bregor joined them. “No can do, little Nuitheran. You heard Cap’n Brax. He’d kill us if he found us here with no prisoner and no little fella.”

Bautilo smiled weakly. “An exaggeration, no?”

Pyfo shook his head slowly. “Not really. The captain is a stickler for rules and duty.” He helped Basutilo off the ground and watched for a moment while the Nuitheran dusted himself off, a flicker of apology crossing his face.

Basutilo nodded, feeling a little sorry for the men under Brax. But more sorry for himself. “Well. Let’s get to it then.”

* * *

The trio crept through the forest, Pyfo and Bregor with swords drawn. Glancing at the weapons, the Nuitheran chuckled to himself. A bit much, he thought. A bound, unarmed prisoner wasn’t going to pose them much trouble if they found him.

A faraway howl reached his ears.

Basutilo glanced at the weapons again and nodded this time. Perhaps it wasn’t the prisoner who posed the most threat to their wellbeing.

“So what are you doing in a forest this far north by yourself, Nuitheran?” Pyfo’s tone was even and he didn’t look at Basutilo, keeping his gaze roaming through the trees and foliage.

Basutilo couldn’t restrain a small smile. He liked Pyfo. “You know. Traveling. Seeing the world beyond the Proodus Mountains.”

Pyfo nodded. “You’ve come a long way. Like what you’ve seen so far?”

The soldier’s tone betrayed nothing of what he was thinking, but Basutilo would have put down a thousand silver pieces that the man didn’t believe a word out of his mouth. “Some of it. You big people have done well for yourselves.”

Bregor giggled. “Ha. Big people. That’s us.”

Pyfo shrugged easily. “We multiply. We spread. We build.”

“Poetic,” Baustilo muttered.

“Any destination in particular you’re wanting to see?”

Bregor nodded along. “Yeah, like the Bronkonian statues maybe? I always wondered how they made them so big.”

Pyfo rolled his eyes.

“Those are definitely on my list.” Baustilo nodded. He paused for a moment. “This Captain Brax... an interesting fellow.”

Bregor snorted. “If you call someone with a heart as dark as a cauldron interesting.”

“Or as dark your brain,” Pyfo added.

“Right,” the other soldier agreed. “Wait. What does that mean?”

Pyfo ignored him. “The Captain is a tough sort. He’s got his issues. Like the rest of us.”

Baustilo frowned as he swatted a branch out of the way. “Should someone with issues... and with questionable control over his emotions be leading other men into danger?”

“What danger?” Bregor asked.

“It’s a position he’s earned,” was all Pyfo said.

Baustilo stared hard for a moment at the soldier but nodded and decided to change the subject. “This prisoner... why did he desert if you have no wars or any reasonably dangerous conflict in the works? Seems like an easy income at the moment.”

“Well this ain’t no ordinary prisoner...” Bregor drifted off and then looked to Pyfo. “I probably shouldn’t say, right?”

Pyfo shrugged. “I’m not the Captain.”

“Yeah.” Bregor sighed. “But the Captain... he would probably mind.”

Baustilo frowned. “I’m not going to repeat anything to your Captain Brax.”

Bregor scratched his head. “Yeah but... I mean... it doesn’t feel like a good idea.”

“Bregor, do you realize how uncomfortable it is to leave someone hanging after a revelation like that?” Pyfo chided playfully, his voice rising ever so slightly.

“Oh all right.” Bregor rubbed his hands together, clearly pleased to be the messenger of important news. “The prisoner...” he paused for dramatic effect. “Is a Benton.”

“A Benton?” Baustilo repeated to make sure he heard the name correctly. “You mean a member of the Benton family?”

“Yep!” the soldier confirmed, gleefully lifting his arms as if accepting an award.

Now Pyfo did look Baustilo’s way. “You’ve heard of the Bentons?”

The Nuitheran snorted. “It’s impossible not to learn about the Bentons, especially during the course of my travels from the South northward.” Baustilo’s eyes narrowed. “So that’s why you four are escorting a single deserter to Jardale.”

Pyfo’s stare lingered for a moment on the Nuitheran before returning to their surroundings. “You’ve learned much in your travels.”

Baustilo shook his head a little. Pyfo was a little too intelligent for his liking. He thought a moment. And Captain Brax seemed a little too temperamental. He glanced at the soldiers with him who both seemed preoccupied, Pyfo with his diligent searching and Bregor nodding happily to himself over Lord knew what.

And there was this Benton.

Baustilo decided it was time to make his move as he ducked between a pair of thick bushes and scampered away. Moments later, he heard the soldiers’ voices calling out, but he kept running, keeping low to the ground. Yes, his time with the soldiers was coming to an end.

And if he ran into the Benton prisoner... well he hadn’t really thought that far ahead. But it would be an interesting proposition.

Baustilo heard the two soldiers trying to lumber after him, crashing through leaves and branches, making a racket through the forest. Baustilo was in no way particularly quick or agile, but his stature did give him an advantage of having less to worry about in terms of keeping his mass from disturbing forest obstacles.

Within minutes, he had lost the sounds of Pyfo and Bregor tramping after him. He paused a moment to allow his heaving chest and lungs to calm themselves as he sucked down wind and leaned against a tree. It probably wouldn’t be terribly difficult to elude the soldiers, but he didn’t really want to risk getting caught either, especially now that he had given them a reason for them to view him as a potential enemy.

Baustilo scrunched up his nose as he reconsidered. Enemy was too harsh a word. A nuisance was what he was to them. But he wasn’t confident that Brax didn’t treat the two as one and the same.

He looked around. A hiding place was probably best. He spotted a tree with a hollow base. It looked as if the some of the roots had been unearthed to create the little space. Baustilo hunkered down on his belly, keeping to the shadows of the tree cave.

He seriously doubted that sleep was going to be an option. Baustilo cocked his head as he realized he couldn’t hear any crickets and for the second time that night, he cursed fate for playing games with him.

As minutes stretched into chunks of minutes, Baustilo wondered what the time was. The sky was still dark, but he figured morning wasn’t all that far off. A snap of a branch followed by a large mass hitting the ground near his position, drove out thoughts of time. Covered in leaves, groaning slightly, and with his hands still bound in front of him, Benton the prisoner climbed to his feet.

Baustilo with his mouth slightly agape looked skyward for a second to ask fate what the hell she was doing. But he realized he didn’t have time for that. Fate had delivered him a most interesting character, a Benton, and it was time to count himself lucky and help them escape.

“Greetings, Prisoner Benton!” Baustilo pulled himself out of his tree hole.

The prisoner wheeled around and fell back to the ground as he lost his footing in the foliage. “Wha-?” was all he could say. Several leaves stuck out of his thick mane of curly black hair.

Baustilo, grinning widely, dusted himself off as he made his way toward Benton, who was now trying to crawl away rather frantically.

“Oh no no no. I’m here to help us escape.”

“Escape?” Benton’s eyes widened along with his mouth.

Voices filtered through the trees. “I think I heard someone over here.” Though it was faint, Baustilo recognized Bregor’s excited voice.

Benton looked panicked. “You led them right to me!” he hissed.

Baustilo gestured the tree hole with his hand. “I was hiding. I couldn’t have led them anywhere.” He declined to tell the prisoner that he was with the pair of soldiers not too long before. “We need to get out of here.” He looked down hard at the prisoner. “But you’re too big. They’d hear us. And you can’t fit under the tree.”

“Untie me!” Benton hissed again. “And throw me that dagger of yours. We can fight them off.”

“Fight them?” Baustilo frowned. While he was trying to escape, fighting Pyfo and Bregor seemed like a bit much. He waved a hand dismissively. “Ah, Pyfo and Bregor aren’t so bad.”

“Speak for yourself, stumpy person! I’m going to jail! Or worse!”

Baustilo shook his head. “Maybe we don’t have to run. Or fight. Let me try talking to them.”

“Let you talk your way out of this?” Benton’s eyes bulged incredulously.

Baustilo chuckled, a little nervously. “Have you listened to Bregor? He'd be no problem.” Baustilo wiped his hands on his pants, trying to get dirt off of them. “Pyfo might be a bit difficult though.”

Benton’s mouth was aghast and his eyes still wide. “You’re crazy.” He began writhing around on the ground, as if he could wriggle his way to freedom, though he wasn’t going anywhere. “We run or we fight. The Captain... he’ll kill us. And eat us! You don’t know him like I do. He’s a monster!”

Baustilo was frowning hard at the man. “You know you can still use your legs?”

The prisoner stopped writhing, looking extremely displeased. “Yes I know that!” he snapped. “But when you don’t have the use of your hands, trying to itch your back is extremely difficult!”

The soldiers were closing in. Basutilo shook his head and scratched his brow. Everyone’s fear of Brax was making things complicated. Perhaps talking to Pyfo and Bregor was a bad idea, considering their own reluctance to cross the man.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 10:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part two is up since I wrote it last night (I kinda assumed the vote wouldn't change too drastically.... I would have been quite angry if it did Razz ) Thank you Labrenth for that wonderful detail about the crickets. That might come in handy Smile And thanks again everyone for your ideas and input! Absolutely fantastic!
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very cleverly woven together. Talking to Pyfo and Bregor in order to find out who the prisoner was, thus making credible Baustilo's decision to aid him.

Baustilo is a great character, by the way. He packs quite a bit of personality with his mixture of self-serving cunning on the one hand and diplomacy on the other.

Pyfo is also an interesting character. Poetic and intelligent. And he seemed to approve of Bregor revealing who the prisoner was. It does feel to me as though an agreement could be arrived at with him.

Maybe a promotion is in due order for Pyfo. Maybe he deserves to be the new captain. Propose to lay a trap for Brax and then gut him. In order to justify Brax's death to superiors, a story could be elaborated. In this story, Brax had planned the escape of the Benton after the Benton had promised him untold riches. Although the Benton had indeed managed to escape, Pyfo managed to catch up with Brax and slaughter him-- thereby deserving a promotion for his heroic action.
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 12:56 pm    Post subject: I think..... Reply with quote

Nice. Very into the whole sizist issue my sis is always screaming about Razz.


A very nice first step in a relationship. An act of sleflesness mixed with a hidden agenda. I LUV IT! *Giggles* I should prolly sleep some time this millenia...Anyway, Kudoos on a good chappy.

DP....Umn...ASSASSINATION! Knife the fruggers. Screw talking, give'em what for. Do NOT underestimate the little peoples! Free da dood, tell'im NO MOVING, slay the pricks, then start on yer grand adventure! *Evil grin* Yeh, sleep tonight....maybe.....

A great beginning, keep'em comin'!
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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, i see a really big conflict possibly brewing. Baustilo, at least to me, does not at all seem the type to fight or assassinate anyone. He seems like he'd be much happier talking things out. But the prisoner, of course, would not be willing to be seen or chance getting captured without a fight.

So what to do? I think we could have a compromise. The captive runs, Baustilo stays to talk with the guards and tries to see if he can convince them to give up the hunt. Baustilo might be able to find the captive again, or not, as fate wills. Perhaps he can listen for the silence of crickets.

Of course, they run the risk of never meeting again, or of the Benton getting caught by the others. But I can't see Baustilo fighting, which the prisoner would prefer, or the prisoner waiting around for Baustilo to try and talk their way out, which Baustilo would like. We could try running or hiding instead, but those run the same risk of running into another group, or being found (as the Benton, by virtue of size, is not as good a hider as Baustilo) by the two.
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PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another very good chapter, Ramol!

I agree with D that Baustilo is a fabulous character, and, when compared with the prisoner, seems like they will make an interesting pair, if that is the way that the story is to continue. I have a feeling that I will come to like both characters pretty equally if that is the case.

I personally don't really want to see anything horrible happen to Pyfo or Bregor. Both of them seem like pretty decent guys, who are just doing their job. Neither really seem to approve of Brax's methods, but carry out his orders through fear/sense of duty/etc.

I think that Baustilo should try to convince the Benton to hide behind the tree for a short time, while he stands in full view of the incoming Pyfo and Bregor, so as to immediately get their full attention. When they approach, make up some story about thinking he heard something, and ran towards the noise, in case it was the prisoner. Then tell them that he last heard the noise in a certain direction, and lead them off, giving the prisoner another chance to escape them, by running in the opposite direction, and hope that they might meet up again later.

Really enjoying the story, Ramol! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2011 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very excellent second chapter here Ramol!

You cleverly wove our discussion into a solution of your own and I commend you for it. How are you liking this storygaming format? You seem to be taking to it quite masterfully.

hmm... methinks you may need an avatar Wink

Sorry I missed this second chapter for so long btw - it had become rather buried in the recent posts lists on pg 2 which just goes to speak loads for the activity on the site lately.

Anyhow, I'm really torn between two amazing suggestions so far, D's and Tika's. I'm going to suggest the simple route though. Both should just flee. They are less encumbered by armor I imagine, and can make their way deep into the forest to get away from the politics to find some refuge.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really enjoyed this, is there any chance of it being picked up again. I think that Baustilo should try and talk the 2 soldiers into changing sides and attacking the Captain although not knowing the background of the country and who the Bentons are makes unsire who is the better side to be on. If that doesn't work running away is always an option.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree. This story is top-quality; Id like to see you pick it up again, Ramol.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, been thinking about that myself lately!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was definatly an enjoyable read, though it seems to be stalled at the moment, I would go with hiding the prisoner and trying to convince the two to move on. Very Happy

P.S. this was typed from my kindle, so excuse any typos
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