Search      Members      Groups      Profile      Favorites      RSS      Register      Log in
The Mandate of Heaven

 
(currently a favorite of 0 users)
   Storygames Home -> Stasis Hall - Completed or archived Storygames -> The Vault
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 9:27 pm    Post subject: The Mandate of Heaven Reply with quote

Trying something a little different this time. It may come out a little pompous.

The Mandate of Heaven.

Chapter the First. In which a Great Grievous Thing Occurs in the Dragon Empire and the Prince Ascendant Faces his Doubts.

There are phrases for what I am missing, the essential quality that I am supposed to have been born with. It has been called the Mandate of Heaven, or the Divine Right of Kings. Neither phrase truly encapsulates the quality. It is the absolute certainty gifted to a soul who must rule, a certainty that your actions are unquestionably right, the arrogance to presume that you alone can make decisions for a nationful of men and women who depend on you for their lives.

It is not the only quality that rulers should have. Generosity. Empathy. Intelligence. Wisdom. All are necessary for a king or queen to be a good one.

But the knowledge of Divine Right is needed for a soul to be a ruler at all. Without the Divine Right, a man is merely a steward holding the throne for the one who has it. Without the Divine Right, he is a pretender, a shell. He who lacks the Divine Right and sits on the throne regardless is less than a king, less than a man.

One other thing that kings should have is clear sight, a mind that pierces the illusions his eyes and his heart throw before him. That is something I do have, but that is not enough for me to be king. That was a fact I accepted long ago, despite being the only son of the Dragon Emperor. It was a fact I told no one, excepting my tutor and lifelong friend, Ying Hua. I was resigned to a life of a worried façade, pretending confidence while waiting for a true heir to appear so I might abdicate my place in the secession.

I remember the moment I was told of my father’s death. The same sickness that kept him from fathering another child slowly choked the life out of him, even as the sickness of the Western barbarians cut away at the edges of the Empire. Not even the greatest magicks of the Celestial Mages could keep either of the sicknesses away.

I was outside my quarters, on my way to my daily visit to my father’s sickbed, accompanied as usual by my Terrestrial Guards. I remember the fine golden scrollwork on the lacquered lions on either side of my door. I remember the exact letterings of the runic magic on the tapestry of Yen Wu battling the demons of the air. I remember the exact patterns of the beast-masks the guards wore. And I remember the almost completely disguised quaver of grief in Ying Hua’s voice as he informed me of my father’s death.

Within a span of ten days, the Ritual of Ascendance was planned and announced. I spent three of them in solitude, wearing only the white of grief and fasting to purge myself of my earthly sin. Three others, I spent with the tailors and crafters as they created the robes I would wear for the start of my reign. The final four I spent being briefed on the essentials of my rule, the state of the Empire, including the strength of the Celestial Mages and Terrestrial Guard.

And all ten I spent knowing that this all was a mistake. No true Emperor should feel the butterflies I felt in my gut. No Emperor should be kept awake nights. During my fast I prayed to the Heavens for some being to remove me from the succession. My stomach was so queasy that I could not have eaten had I not been fasting. During my measuring, only the weight of the golden robes I wore kept my body from shaking.

But during my lessons, I saw that I might be needed. The barbarians with their dark magic struck everywhere along our borders. The Demon Gorgonth led armies of crazed attackers, stripped to their skin and painted blue. Rebels, blasphemers who spoke against the Dragon Throne, sprouted in cities across the Empire. The Empire needed a hand to guide it.

That hand should not have been mine. But was there any other?

I saw Ying Hua only on the eighth day, at the grand funeral procession, the appropriate three days before the Ascendance. It was raining, as was appropriate. Mist, the head of the Celestial Mages informed me that the mages had not even needed to call the clouds to mourn. The very heavens were mourning the death of a Great Emperor. I nodded agreement and sought some way to excuse myself from the proceedings. I had spotted Ying Hua in the crowd of mourners, and I ached to speak to my only confidant.

The look on Mist’s face as I attempted to excuse myself from the proceedings was a sight to behold. The Prince Ascendant did not excuse himself.

So I ordered the crowds to leave me to grieve my father alone. The Terrestial Guard shepherded the mourners out, rain splattering off of dark enameled armor, and I stepped from the pavilion into the mud, as the bearers of the body set his coffin gently onto the grassy field.

I looked down on my father’s face. He seemed… old. The morticians had done their best to impart kindness into his face, a grandfatherly benevolence. It did not fit him. He had always been stern and commanding in life.

I couldn’t cry for my father. I had never known the man. All I had known was the Dragon Emperor. Ying Hua had been the one to raise me.

Cherry blossoms blew towards me, even through the pounding rain. I turned to the cloud, even as the petals came together to form Ying Hua. He bowed to me, the rain soaking into his green robes.

I confessed without preamble. “I can’t do this, Ying Hua. I don’t have it in me. The Mandate of Heaven, the Divine Right: whatever you call it, I just don’t have it.” I went on like this, ranting my anxiety to the rain and to Ying Hua.

But at the end of it all, he simply looked at me, sodden and alone in the rain, and said, “You just ordered an entire funeral procession to leave you so you could have a conversation about yourself.” Then, before I could reply, he dissolved into cherry petals in the rain.

***

It was the sunrise of the Ascension, and the Empire needed somebody. I stood in the highest peak of the Celestial Palace, in heavy golden robes with the Dragon Mantle upon my head, ready to sweep down the Western corridor to the balcony where the Ritual would take place. One guard stood at each doorway, in each of the cardinal directions. Past them, I could see the peaked buildings of the Royal Palace complex.

I couldn’t breathe. My vision narrowed as I looked past the Tiger-masked soldier to the corridor that led to the balcony. Was this right for the Empire? The Empire needed a ruler, but was I the one it needed, or would I simply be holding the throne for some other King?

But if I did not take it, who would? Rebels who would taint the Dragon Throne? Gorgonth, the barbarian lord?

Suddenly, the southeast corner of the room exploded inwards. Coughing, I fell to my knees as dust filled the room. I saw the Tiger-mask start forward, drawing his sword, and I heard the other soldiers started forward as well. But even as I started to look up, a flash of purple light filled the room, and I heard four thumps as enameled armor hit the ground, their wearers unconscious.

I looked up. Silhouetted by the rising sun was a figure in black, thin and holding an ivory staff covered in ruins like wormtrack.

He spoke, simply. “We leave now.”

I looked back at the Western Corridor. I could hear voices, and already I could see tendrils of mist reaching for the door. Even against this invader, so quick to take down four of the Terrestrial Guard, I could last long enough for reinforcements. I had been schooled in arts martial and magical. I could stop this intruder and I would go ahead with the ceremony and be the Prince Ascendant no more.

But my doubts ate away at my resolve. What if this was Heaven’s answer to my prayer? Or, rather, Heaven’s sign of displeasure at my reign?

I got to my knees, the weight of the golden robes heavy on my back. Wait. What was I doing? Abandoning my country, abandoning my people with an unknown attacker who had already assaulted, possibly killed four of the Guard after breaking into the Dragon Palace?

I looked at figure in black, then back to the Western Corridor.

No time for doubts. I made my decision.

Will our protagonist make the correct decision? Will he leave with this strange figure in black, or stay and rule?

Read on.


So what is his decision? Go with the man? Or fight him off?

Yes, this is a rather big DP that will affect what this story is actually about. Also, knowing you all, I'm sure you'll find a third option.


_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.


Last edited by DeadManWalking on Thu Apr 19, 2012 9:23 pm; edited 3 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Shillelagh
Citizen



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Topics: 20
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Extremely well-written, and a very captivating first chapter. I've never understood why anyone would actually want the full responsibilty of being the king, so I can relate rather easily to his fierce desire to have someone else be the Dragon Emperor.

If he stays, it's only going to be a long, exhausting death march into failure, impossible decisions, and lonliness. I say he goes with the intruder. I honestly don't see what else he has to lose. Hopefully, he'll have a better lot in life this way. Worse case scenario, though, the kingdom rescues him and he pretends to have been overtaken and kidnapped.
_________________


Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. City runs slower than it used to. Thanks Shill!

Okay, I'm going to wait a day or two to see if anyone has any hidden third option, then I'll put up a poll.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Tikanni Corazon
Honored Citizen



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Topics: 75
Posts: 1286
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Deady!

Quote:
Wow. City runs slower than it used to.


Indeed it does, unfortunately.


That was a very interesting read! Very different from anything else I've actually read here on IF before, and much enjoyed. I agree with Shille's comments. It was brilliantly written, especially as it's in first person, which isn't exactly easy from personal experience (but that might just be me Wink), and I also personally can't understand why anyone would want the 'responsibility' of being a King, though I think most who want to be King in stories aren't really thinking about responsibilities and more about having the power to do whatever they please. But having the lead charrie be someone who's of the former opinion is refreshing. That's not usually the way, and it'll be interesting to see how it will continue. One can certainly see the tale becoming one of personal growth, with our hero gaining more confidence in himself and his abilities as a ruler.


For the dp, I'm with Shille again, he should go with the man and see what happens. I think he needs to find more belief in himself before he can take on any true responsibility, and that's not going to happen if he remains. This is his chance to break free of being who he is for a while, and will give him time to think about things, and learn more about himself and what he truly wants. Okay, I'm looking into things a bit too far ahead there, but that's what I was thinking at the end so that's what I wrote. Razz


Looking forward to more of this, Deady! Keep up the good work! Smile

_________________
.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Phantomfan
Citizen



Joined: 01 May 2008
Topics: 7
Posts: 309
Location: Deep within the music of the night

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nicely done, Deady! Now here comes a post that is partially rambling and partially not-rambling, it's hard to tell. My apologies.
One of the things I noticed about your writing is that you tend to go really deep into descriptions and metaphors, which can occasionally make the story itself very difficult to understand. But you DIDN'T here, which is partly what made this such a good read. It was easy to get through, while still getting the descriptions across. (That may just be because it's the first chapter though. Or maybe I'm just tired and rambling. It's hard to tell.)

As Shille and Tikanni said, you did a really good job with the first person as well. You've created a character that's going to be really fun to follow, as he's going to really and truly develop as we read on- if only because he's starting at such a low point right now.

DP Wise, I really want to say that he shouldn't go, just to be different, but I'd actually be much more interested in it if he were to leave. Then again, if he stays it may be because he works up his courage and a sense of entitlement to the throne, giving himself the confidence he desperately needs in order to be a good King. You know what? I think he should stay. If he did, he'd be significantly more respected and admired as the King.

Bam. I done posted.
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...

Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll is up. Thank you Phan. Without you, there would have been no poll at all. (Because everyone was in agreement until you got here Razz)

Not sure how long I'll leave the poll up. At least until everyone who's commented has voted.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay. Tie. That's... cool. Or something. >.<
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool, so I'm just gonna close this poll and start writing the leaving option. Because though I had storylines for both, i think the go option is more relatable generally.
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
PopeAlessandrosXVIII
Arts and Poetry Mod



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Topics: 122
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:41 am    Post subject: I Think. . . . . Reply with quote

Quite facinating really. I can't wait to see the next chapter of this.


I must say you captured the chinese ruler system very well. It had all the right feels to it, with pinches in all the right places. Quite masterful. I enjoied it greatly.

Sorry I missed the DP/Vote period (Out of state and such Razz) but from now on I will be watching this closely. Keep up the good work!
_________________

To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Author Message
DeadManWalking
Duke of the Mostly Dead



Joined: 24 May 2006
Topics: 30
Posts: 1005


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:56 am    Post subject: The Mandate of Heaven 2 Reply with quote

Here we have the second chapter. There's not a huge amount of action because I originally had a different DP planned, but parts of this chapter grew in length, so I had to split it.

Chapter the Second. In which the Liu Line is Ended and a Question is asked.

My ancestor, the first Dragon Emperor, whose name was Liu Di, wrote in his memoirs that any ruler, no, any man’s first duty was to his kingdom. This strange man, bursting into the Palace of Heaven on the Eve of Ascension was a sign from Above. The mere fact that I couldn’t keep myself from questioning my decision proved my lack of worth. It was my duty as a citizen to remove myself from the rule.

I stood up and turned to the Western Corridor. Breathing deeply, I could feel the energy pulsing through the stones of the Celestial Palace, magic shaped to respond to the wishes of the Dragon blood.

The Western Doors slammed shut on tendrils of golden mist. The figure in black whirled at the slamming of the heavy doors, and then nodded thoughtfully. Moving quickly, he went to the hole in the corner and looked out, then held the staff before him, parallel to the ground.

The runes on his staff began to move. Unfurling, they spread like the wings of a kite, as he slowly raised the staff over his head. Several strands swung down, to become short loops, He wrapped his hand in one, and stepped out of the room into the air, and the runes began to flap, up and down. I could feel the wind of its wings. I wrapped my hand through another of the strands, and stepped into the sky.

The flapping runes moved us away from the Palace of Heaven, slowly at first but soon gaining speed. Beneath us, men of the Terrestrial Guard scrambled like ants. I saw several emerging from the armory with rockets on their shoulders.

Then, from the ground one of the figures vanished, and a pink cloud rushed towards us. As it got closer and closer, I could make out the petals of cherry blossoms. Ying Hua, of course. How I wished I could take him with me!

It was then the rocket was fired. It soared through the cloud of cherry blossoms, leaving angry eddies in its wake. Timed precisely by the rangefinders of the artillery squads, the tightly packed gunpowder threw shrapnel from less than twenty spans away. Shielded by the figure in black and swaddled in heavy cloth, I was unharmed, but the staff dipped perceptibly. Looking up, I could see that some of the runes were unraveling, damaged by the explosion.

Then the cloud was upon us. Cherry blossoms surrounded us, clinging on all sides. I could feel jolts of magic passing between the figure in black and Ying Hua, but it was a magic as alien to me as the runes. Through the pink veil, I could hear the shouts of men, getting louder, and another explosion, though no shrapnel pierced the cloud. In the petal forest, only the sounds of shouting told me what direction was down. Which way were we fleeing? The shifting pattern of petals made it seem as if we turned, first this way then that. I thought we stayed straight, but it was so hard to tell.

Suddenly, with a last burst of magic between my two fighting companions, we broke through into the pale sunlight of the dawning day. Already the Terrestrial Guard was far behind us, and the walls of the palace complex loomed ahead. Had we really gone so far in Ying Hua’s fog?

The unraveling wings fluttered rapidly, lofting us barely above the palace walls. The figure in black spoke, “We will barely make it past the city walls. From there we will have to leave on foot.”

I looked at my companion, but could not make out his face beneath his mask. Was he merely informing me? Or was there something greater? I looked back at the Dragon Palace, the elaborate creation of arching roofs that had been my home. And I looked to the sun, slowly making its way up from its bed in the horizion.

“Take me to the Memorial Gate,” I said, “I have one last thing I must do.”

The figure in black nodded, and the staff began to drift to the south. We cleared the city walls, and wafted downwards just outside the gates, before the Pillars of the Empire. From above, I could see more clearly the arrangement of the Pillars. To the west of the Southern Gate of the Chang’an, the Pillars stood in a spiral. The outer loop were the Pillars of the newer armies, added with the founding of each, spiraling inward through the years. We landed outside the newest of the Pillars, the Pillar of the Army of the Tiger. It stood, taller than I, of flawless banded stone. No names yet marked that surface, its only imperfection the circular hole carved through its middle. Within the hole floated the symbol for the tiger, black bands of magic that carved light from the very air.

I walked through the spiral, the golden hem of my ceremonial robes dragging on the ground. The Pillar of the Army of the Star, the Pillar of the Army of the Crane, and a dozen others, spiraling inwards down the years. All but the Tiger had the names of the dead in them, carved in mourning white, and a stick of burning incense in the ground before them. The first of the Pillars of the Disbanded armies was the Pillar of the Army of Rain. The top half of its gray surface, dotted with imperfections like rain clinging to stone, was written with white names, and the character for rain glowed white in its hollow. Incense sticks still burned for those dead, and charred remains of paper bills and letters still lay on the ground. I passed several more pillars, of armies disbanded and not, all covered with men who had died for the Emperor and the Empire.

I arrived at the innermost loop: the Pillar of the Army of Wood, a tree trunk preserved through magic; the Pillar of the Army of Fire, red stone embedded with vertical ruby strips, curving upwards; the Pillar of the Army of Metal, a slab of silver embedded in the ground; the Pillar of the Army of Water, a black pillar of obsidian embedded with blue crystal, shaped like cresting waves. All bore names in white, carved centuries ago, men who had fought with my ancestor Liu Di. All bore the white character in their center.

There was a gap, after those four. Then, the Pillar of the Army of Earth, or the Terrestrial Guard. Yellow stone taller by far than I, it was covered with cramped white names, its character black. Though first simply another of the five elemental armies, it had become the bodyguard of the Dragon Emperors, as was appropriate. They were the Earth, and we were the Heavens, and they supported the Emperor as the earth supports the sky.

I kneeled before the Pillar of the Army of Earth, and bowed my head. Thousands upon thousands had given their lives for my ancestors, for me. I heard a rustle behind me, turned to see the figure in black, holding an incense stick.

I took it and placed it at the base of the Pillar, lighting it with a spark of magic, even as my brow furrowed. Had he been following me through all the Pillars? How had I not noticed him before? The rustle had been on purpose, I had no doubt of that. If he had wished to, he could have remained behind me eternally unnoticed.

I got to my feet, and steeled myself for the last Pillar. The center of the spiral, the Pillar of the Celestial Dragon. It stood twenty spans tall, a pillar of the purest jade, a perching dragon carved at its height. Though the symbol for sky remained black, as it had in other pillars, this one had names that flickered and burned with white fire, names carved in dark blue, and here and there names in gray, visible only if you concentrated. My father’s name, and the emperors’ before him all the way to Liu Di, were in white. In dark blue were those children of the Dragon who had not been emperors. My grandfather’s sister, perished of old age three summers past, was there, as was my older brother’s, drowned seven years ago. I remember my father said that Water had always been jealous of the Heavens, so it stole my brother away. They never found his body.

The gray names were those who were dead to the Empire. Those of too pure a lineage to execute, but who had committed crimes against the Empire worthy of it nonetheless. They had been exiled, sent out from the government to roam the Empire, or the world if they preferred. Only six names on the Pillar of the Celestial Dragon were gray. The last was only two hundred years ago.

I removed the Dragon Mantle and set it in the hollow of the Pillar, as the Sky stared down at me. The rest of my ceremonial robes followed, as I struggled in the dirt to get out of the heavy golden cloth. Finally, though, only in my underclothes, I folded the golden robes as best I could and placed them alongside the Dragon Mantle. Then, I went to my knees and bowed deep before my ancestors, my head pressed in the dirt. I don’t know how long I prostrated myself there, before I heard the rustle of cloth behind me.

I got to my knees and reached forward to the Pillar. Setting my hand on the Jade, after my father’s glowing name, I felt the power within the Pillar. Naked before my ancestors, I molded the ancient Pillar, carving my name, Liu Bu in gray, and watched as the black sky turned slowly white.

I got to my feet, naked in the shivering wind. I looked down, at my bare chest. The dragon tattooed looked back at me. Every Liu started with the tip of the tail on their back, at birth, and as the years went by, and as they got closer to the throne, more of it was added. The head itself was new, magicked on just yesterday.
I could do nothing to remove this last Liu marking. It was linked to our blood. The wind was getting colder now, but I didn’t shiver. Do icebergs shiver?

I accepted clothes from the figure in black, simple black jacket and trousers and covered up the tattoo. I donned them, as the figure in black turned to leave.

“Wait,” I said. “Who are you? Where are we headed?”

He stopped, and half- turned back. I couldn’t read his expression through the black cloth mask he wore, but his tone, though still mostly flat and emotionless contained to my ear a tinge of bemusement.

“You can have one question, and the answer will probably not be the one you want to hear. We have little time to argue; the Terrestrial Guard will be after us soon.”

I considered my questions briefly. Who he worked for might be important, but where we were going was more immediate. Who he was might also be important.

I made my decision, and asked my question.

What question will Liu Bu ask? What will his answer be?

Read on.


So what is his question? (No, the answer is not up for voting. Its inclusion in the bold afterwords is merely a stylistic choice.)
_________________
When the dead walk, the living run.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Shillelagh
Citizen



Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Topics: 20
Posts: 398
Location: Kansas

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't expect for there to be so much detail for the ancestor pillar section... and the amount of time he spends there seems at odds with the palace escape which happened only moment before... but it's definitely a powerful moment, and the whole scene speaks volumes for the setting.

Honestly, I think the question should be "Why are you doing this?" Sure, it's likely to be a more generic, overview sort of answer... but this way he's getting the highlights of everything. The identity of the stranger isn't important if he's just a servant, and the 'where' may not matter depending on the task. We might also get some insight into why Liu Bu was chosen, and not anyone else in the kingdom. Come to think of it... "Why me?" wouldn't be a bad question, either.
_________________


Ihniwid Chapter 5 is up- find it here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Syranore
Citizen



Joined: 18 Nov 2007
Topics: 2
Posts: 153
Location: The Inn

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Where are we going?"

I'll agree and say that a lot of detail put into the pillars did take a bit of the edge away from retreating. Otherwise, good read.
_________________
Directive Chapter 2 -Complete
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apologies, DMW for not getting to this sooner...i sincerely wish i had! you've got me captivated & you have my undivided attention when you get around to posting the next chapter. =)

this is a completely relatable character, and an absolutely fantastic writing style. The scene in the pillars was incredible. Very moving.

I'm with Shille on this one. I think either "why me?" or "why are you doing this?" would be appropriate questions.

again, apologies on the delay, and I CANT WAIT to read more!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
VenomousAngel
Resident



Joined: 11 Jun 2012
Topics: 4
Posts: 61


Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First question that strikes me is, "Who has sent you?" It seems obvious that this man was destined to come for the prince, and quite possibly that it was meant to be this way. But I would think his most valuable question would be that, To see whom sent him after him. Maybe the answer to this question would answer several other questions he may be silently contemplating.
_________________



Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Author Message
PopeAlessandrosXVIII
Arts and Poetry Mod



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Topics: 122
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Items
Legends
Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:20 am    Post subject: I Think. . . . . Reply with quote

Shill an amazing read. The descriptiveness takes my breath away, and it gave me a real feel for the fact that he truly loves the empire and isn't running for his own benefit.

As for the DP. . . . . . . "What all do you know about all things conserning what we are doing?" That should get a nice long response Razz


Keep'em comin' DeadMan-kun!
_________________

To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Reply to topic   printer-friendly view    Storygames Home -> The Vault All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Page 1 of 1
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group. Forum design by mtechnik, customized by City of IF
All site content © City of IF or the respective storygame authors.   Terms of use
Home   Book   Storygames   FAQ   Greek myth   About   Policies