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misterbiz
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Joined: 10 Jan 2010
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Location: a chair in a cold dark living room
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 Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:26 pm Post subject: Survival of the Strangest |
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Warning: Violence and language
Prologue
The monster stared up at me with glowing purple eyes. Lowering myself to its level, I managed to smile at the fact that, for the moment, I was the superior being. I was free and mobile and it was chained up. Stuck to the wall where a dozen or so of its victims had hung, screaming and begging. I knew that I wouldn't get such a response.
“You don't really think you can keep me chained up forever, do you?”
I smirked. That was what I expected. Arrogance. Standing up, I pulled my machete from its spot on my belt. The blade had become my new best friend in the last several days. With a devilish smile, I tapped one of the stumps that sat where his legs should be. I knew that eventually he would be up and ready to fight, but without his legs, it would be a while.
“No. I know you'll be fine, but until I'm ready, I'm going to ensure you stay down there. I'll keep chopping your new limbs off if need be,” I told him.
“Arrogant little speck,” he spat, causing his gray flesh to tighten, which was quite a feat considering he already looked like his flesh was a bit too tight anyway.
“Yep,” I said before raising the blade and bringing it down onto his leg, causing another slice of it to fall off. Without dropping my smile, I picked up the meat that smelled quite strongly of rotten eggs and fish and tossed it over my shoulder. I heard a squishy slapping sound as the chunk of leg made contact with something.
Watching the creature's face carefully, I could tell that it wanted to scream in pain. Any animal would want to after having their leg hacked up into pieces. However, It would let me know that it was feeling pain. To him, I was beneath him. Nothing but an insect to squash.
So, he smiled. A wide, inhuman grin that caused his flesh to appeared even more misshapen. My stomach contents started to become unruly at the very sight of the gremlin's grin, so I looked away from it. Turning around, I took a deep breath as I fought the urge to vomit.
Behind me, the thing snickered. “You really are the strongest flesh pile that I've ever seen. Still resisting, even now when your demise is all but assured. Why keep fighting?”
“Because I'm a stubborn bastard,” I stated. “Because I'm not going to give you what you want without a fight. Not because I think I have a shot at surviving but because its just real fun, depriving you of something you want for a change.
The fiend laughed again. “Your little girlfriend said the same thing right before I gutted her.”
Spinning quickly on my heel, I thrusted the machete forward, catching the creature in the center of its chest, causing the white shirt it wore to become quickly stained black with its blood.
“Shut your fucking mouth,” I roared. “She's not dead. I know she's not. She's out there. She's a survivor.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” he wheezed. “It doesn't change the fact that I slaughtered the bitch and in her final moments, she screamed for you.”
A roar forced its way from deep within me as an uncontrollable fury overtook me. I withdrew the blade and raised it up. Without thinking, I brought it down on top of his bald head. Lifting it again, I slashed at him again. I repeated this action until my arm went numb and the monster was in quite a few pieces. Slowly, I put the blade away and grabbed hold of what I believe to be part of its mouth at one point.
With a deep sigh, I dropped the bloody bits of bastard down the sink and made my way upstairs, out of the basement where I had spent the last 24 hours, cutting, kicking and torturing the single creature I had been able to capture. Stepping back into main house, I noticed that the sun was shining. Part of me thought that whatever higher power existed brought it out just to taunt me. On the day that I was going to surely die, there was not a cloud to be seen.
I meandered to the second floor of the house and into the master bedroom. Collapsing onto the bed, I felt my eyelids starting to get heavy. I didn't remember the last time I slept. All I remembered was running, screaming and laughing. Hideous, blood curdling laughter. As my limbs started to feel like they were being weighted down, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a picture of a young woman with two-tone hair that was pulled into pigtails. Half of it was black while the other side of her scalp was a crimson red.
“I know you're still out there. I know it. Wherever you are, take care of yourself.” Rolling over, I sat the photo on the nightstand before rolling back and staring up at the ceiling. As I laid there, I found myself thinking back to the day this whole thing started. The sun shone brightly that day too. The universe was a cruel bitch.
My eyelids grew heavier and heavier as I thought about the last truly happy memory I had before the nightmare started. Before the return of the nightmare. It was with Gwen. We had just made love in her room and had been laying there quietly. We didn't need to say a thing, it was a companionable silence. Then as she started to drift off to sleep, so she could take her usual three o'clock nap, she asked me to sing her a lullaby. To ease her into a restful sleep, the way she always did. I obliged just as I always had since we were younger.
Now as I lay, covered in blood, in a bed I did not know, I found myself reciting the same nursery rhyme that I had relayed to her, trying to ease myself into a restful sleep. As I finally slid into slumber, I found myself no longer caring that I was going to die.
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Last edited by misterbiz on Sat Jul 21, 2012 3:37 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Relyt
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Joined: 16 Jul 2012
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Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:15 am Post subject: |
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This looks very interesting, I'm excited to keep reading! I'm glad you decided to revive this story. I feel as though your character shouldn't give up on survival. I'm not sure if he tells himself that the woman he loves is still alive just to keep him sane, or if she really had a chance of surviving and is still out there somewhere. If the latter is the case, then he shouldn't give up hope on finding her. I'd like to find out if she did survive or not.
There was one sentence that I picked out though:
| misterbiz wrote: | | Any animal would want to after having their leg hacked up into pieces. However, It would let me know that it was feeling pain. |
The capitalization on "It" isn't needed, and I feel like "would" should be "would not", if I understood the sentence correctly.
I'm looking forward to reading more of this. 
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The Adventures of a Dreamer: Parthas Flynn - New SG up in Fantasy!
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Tikanni Corazon
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Joined: 25 Oct 2009
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Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).
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| Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Biz!
Agreeing with Relyt here, I'm really looking forward to chapter 1 being posted so that I can read more, not least to see if our protagonist's prediction that he's going to die will come true, or if he will survive and go on to find Gwen.
The description of the monster was very well done, and the part where it smiled caused numerous possible images to flash through my mind as I tried to picture it. Very well done! One of my favourite openings of your SGs so far.
| Quote: | | “Arrogant little speck,” he spat, causing his gray flesh to tighten, which was quite a feat considering he already looked like his flesh was a bit too tight anyway. |
This is only a couple of tiny things, and doesn't take away from the enjoyment of reading the chapter. But the use of 'tighten' and then 'tight' for the same description is a little jarring (though only slightly). And also the double usage of 'flesh', which can easily be remedied by removing 'like his flesh was', and replacing the 'he' with it. For the other part, maybe...
“Arrogant little speck,” he spat, causing his gray flesh to constrict further, which was quite a feat considering it already looked a bit too tight anyway.
Other than that, aside from Relyt's correction, it was great! Really wanting to read more! Keep up the good work!
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.... there is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham....
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, 1887
 
 
  
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Andolyn
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Joined: 18 Apr 2011
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Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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| this is REALLY fantastic, Biz! you could take this ANYWHERE! all the questions! lol! what the heck is going on, first of all? lol! i love it. keep going!
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