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plausible_follicile
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:17 am    Post subject: Revolution - Chapter 1 Playing!*NEW* Reply with quote

              "Anyone who hasn't experienced the ecstasy of betrayal knows nothing about ecstasy at all."
              ~ Jean Genet


Within every man lies a darkness that sits idle. A potent poison of the mind and spirit that brews beneath the heart of every man, woman and child. A caged electric cable, detached from its lines, that dances wildly, randomly and with such ferocious velocity that once the cage door is unlocked, this cable propels toward the nearest source of water and electrifies the soul. It is this poisoned electricity that takes over the body and creates an atmosphere of unknowns within the mind and actions of its inhabitant.

Rohan Raj, who had resided as the kingdom's champion for a long nine years, has felt his share of this poisoned current stream through his veins. His passion has always been to take this current, monotonous, maligned form of the nation and launch it back into the stratosphere of its ancient culture, where it once reigned supreme during an era that now seems lost and is only a nostalgic memory. It is this passion that has fueled him to where we find our rebel savior now.

Once a cult leader, once a leader of revolutionary men and now the face and commander of an underground revolt against the foundation of the nation and its massive number of followers, Rohan once again feels that electric current racing through his heartbeat, his mind, his soul.

Perhaps great men can not accomplish great things without exerting the power of betrayal, the power of evil, the power of selfishness in order to preserve everything they have earned and fought for. Perhaps Rohan, and his ever-so weakening grasp on his beloved kingdom, had only one option left available when he was faced with the proverbial fork in the road.

Perhaps the power, shine and elevated status that comes to those who wear the golden crown is too much to handle after a prolonged exposure. Perhaps Rohan, realizing his reign as champion was now being tested like never before, did the only thing this man has ever known...

Unleash the wild, dancing cable directly into his heart, and once the animosity, jealousy, malice and vengeance had filled his heart, he was easily able to muster the anger to drive a spike into the heart of his adoring disciples.

To rid himself of his "bandwagon" followers, his placating, always-smiling, pandering ways that brought him the fame, glory, was the only way to find the only thing Rohan ever wanted but never truly had from the kingdom he has sacrificed so much for.


Respect.


Last edited by plausible_follicile on Sat Jan 19, 2013 12:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow...quite the introduction we have here to your first SG, PF! I'm very much looking forward to reading more. As it is, you've given the barest snippets of a the protagonist and of the surrounding land in which the story is set. I'm much intrigued!

Welcome again to IF! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oooh, I got the tingles! That was a great intro, PF! Very strong, very interesting.

I can't wait to read more! Keep it up! (And welcome to If!)
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:54 pm    Post subject: I think. . . . . Reply with quote

This is rather interesting. I find it quite enjoyable. Funny coincidence here is I'm watching Lord of the Rings right now and Rohan just made me smile. Your descriptiveness is both intricate but superficial at the same time, and that's a hard thing to pull off. Well done.


I do feel at the end the prolific use of the word "Perhaps" could do with some thought. It made me stumble a bit. Other then that this is well formed.


I can't wait to see what you have ins tore for us. Keep up the good work, and welcome to IF!
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all so much for the read and the comments!

@Pope- Hmm, yeah, I just went back and re-read the piece, but I think I'll keep it the way it is. Thanks for your comment though! Smile
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, now, Tika, we do not know if Rohan is the protagonist. Razz He could be the antagonist. Or maybe even he's just part of a backstory to set up the world. Either way, I agree with everyone that this is well written and very intriguing. I can't wait to see where you take this SG. Well done! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 12:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sagittaeri wrote:
Now, now, Tika, we do not know if Rohan is the protagonist. Razz He could be the antagonist. Or maybe even he's just part of a backstory to set up the world. Either way, I agree with everyone that this is well written and very intriguing. I can't wait to see where you take this SG. Well done! Very Happy


EXACTLY Wink

And thanks a lot =) Cant wait to put up the first chapter. Its on its way
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like this! It's intense and gritty and overall... just amazing. I can't wait to see more. Bring on the intrigue and the backstabbery! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 1

“It’s over, Ishaan”, Rohan said, looking out of the window, into the empty, black night. His tea had already gone cold, but Rohan stared on, unblinking into the vast darkness. It had taken him months of work, careful planning and meticulous action, and the time, he felt, had drawn near. Two more hours to sunrise he thought. The weather outside was exactly like what he felt within. Cold, dark, empty. Soulless. Rohan felt no remorse. I had no choice he reminded himself, before finally looking away, and turning his attention to the tall, lanky man who was seated on his couch. Wrong. I always had a choice. I chose to do this, and once again, he felt the electricity running through his veins, charging his body with a sense of pride. It’s over. Finally.

“Is it too late now?” Ishaan asked, his voice a mixture of hope and despair.

Roshan cocked his head to the left. The question had not completely startled him, for he had seen this coming. After a brief pause, Rohan chuckled, and choosing his words carefully, he spoke.

“Do you have a conscience, Ishaan?”

Ishaan waited a second too long.

“There is no wrong answer. Do you have a conscience?”

Ishaan though, was more than convinced that there was a wrong answer. He took another second to contemplate, and decided to speak the truth.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

Roshan raised an eyebrow, but it’d have been impossible for Ishaan to notice that. The room was barely lit, a single flame flickered in the center of the room, and the candle too, it seemed, had a completely dark aura around it.

“Conscience” Rohan said. After a pause, he repeated the word.

“Conscience. Does your conscience fail to see what the other 11 are doing, Ishaan? Does your conscience not-“

“I’m not saying what we’re fighting for is wrong” Ishaan interrupted, taking a second to sugarcoat his thoughts and phrase them into inoffensive words. “I’m only questioning the method” he said, stopping abruptly as he felt his hair raise under Rohan’s icy glare. “Listen Rohan, the other guys, they’re genuinely good men. Maybe there are these finer details that we-“

“The devil, Ishaan,” Rohan said, “thrives in those finer details.”

“I want you to listen to me carefully. I have been at the top for almost a decade. I know inside out how exactly people behave. Fact, Ishaan, is that people change. They can’t help it. No one can, and do you know why?”

“The finer details” Ishaan responded weakly.

“Exactly. The finer details. These finer details, those little things that you think don’t matter, it is those very details, which over time, twist one’s personality. It creates a maligned form of what you once were, and changes your outlook completely. Suddenly, everything that you thought you were, everything that you though you believed in, crumbles around you. The change is inevitable, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. When you try to fight it, you realize that you’re completely powerless. Weak. Then you give in to everything, let yourself be consumed by the madness and you’re no longer who you used to be. Every night when you go back to sleep, you’d wish that you could go back to being the person you were. But that is all you can do. Wish. Wish, hope and pray, but nothing will help you. You look back, and everything is just memories. Things of the past. You know not what changed you, but you do know that you have changed. The finer details, Ishaan, are everything.”

Ishaan could only sit there and stare at Rohan. He didn’t want to argue any longer, but he felt this urge to respond. The urge to tell Rohan exactly why he was wrong. The urge to stop all this madness, undo what had been done, and go back to 8 months ago, and live in peace. When he wouldn’t have to look over his shoulder every few minutes. Giving into the urges, he responded.

“You said it yourself” he said, keeping his tone as emotionless as he could. “Change, Rohan, is inevitable. That is exactly the reason why we shouldn’t have done what we have. Everything that we did in the last few months is completely pointless. Those finer details, they exist, and there is nothing you can do about it. You know you can’t fight it. You can try all you want, ‘wish, hope and pray’ in your words, but all that will be useless when it all ends. You’re trying to fight change, and there is only one possible result. You can’t win.”

Rohan was startled, but tried to keep his composure.

“Nice speech, but you do know what this means, don’t you?”

“I trust you more than that. Whatever I say, will only remain words. We’ve already done it, and there’s no turning back now. We're still a team.”

“You trust me?” Rohan asked, with a chuckle. Then he looked Ishaan in the eye, just as the sun rose on the horizon.

“Mistake” he said, and fired two bullets into Ishaan's chest.

_______________________________________________


Just two more minutes Vinay said to himself for the fourth time in the morning. Eleven of the thirteen people had already assembled in the room. Vinay couldn’t explain the events of last evening. All he knew was that his team had to be informed. He could also fairly predict how his team would respond to the news. How could it be? he thought, turning his focus back to the previous day. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t come up with anything close to a realistic explanation. Inside job his secretary had said, but he waved it off immediately. There was no way that would happen. Not within the thirteen.

The eleven of them sat within the room, waiting anxiously. It was almost as if they knew that something had gone horribly wrong. Each one of them assumed a different posture, twitching and fidgeting as the seconds ticked by.

Vinay, himself felt that things were more disastrous than he thought. There was something about the atmosphere that weighed on him. Something about the day, the 7th of November, just wasn’t right. Today is going to be a really long day he thought, but he could never guess how right he was.

“Does anybody know where these two are?” Vinay asked, looking around expectantly. All they could offer were blank faces, and Vinay sunk deeper into his chair. Looking around the room, he tried to place who exactly were missing. Rohan he thought immediately. Rohan was one of the most prominent people in the group. Why isn’t he here yet? Vinay thought, puzzled. Rohan was usually the first to arrive, and the last to leave. With every passing second, Vinay felt more sure that something terrible had happened.

Sighing, he looked at the empty chairs. There was something peculiar about the way they were positioned, adjacent to each other. Vinay couldn’t quite put a finger on what exactly was disturbing him about the empty places.

Inside job he remembered his secretary say, and then it hit him like a truck.

“Rohan” he tries to scream, but he could barely whisper. He felt his insides twisting, beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, his eyes were stagnated with tears, and he could hardly breathe. “Rohan” he croaked, feeling his heart beating faster. His chest felt heavy, knees weak, and Vinay could only hope that this was all a lie.

Vinay had been the leader of these 13 extraordinary men for the past 3 and a half years. That, of course, did not come with just milk and roses. Throughout this period, he had come face to face with terrorists, had to lie, deceive and cheat his own family, and had seen his sister being raped, and then shot dead right in front of his eyes. Nothing, though, had hit him as hard as the feeling of being betrayed by someone he trusted like his father. The feeling was heart-shattering, and he seemed completely powerless.

“ROHAN” he yelled this time, and slammed his fist against the metallic table. The loud bang that ensued did not evoke any response. Each of the 10 others in the room all stared blankly at the wall, the floor or the table itself, avoiding any sort of eye contact. They all know! Vinay thought, scanning every face in the room. Everyone seemed just as shocked and disturbed as he was, except for one woman. She was looking right at him, her eyes a curious mixture of fear and concern. “Neha” he whispered, and then broke down in front of the room.
_________________________________________

MetaDP, but no going completely crazy! Wink
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Seraphi
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 3:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow! A great first chapter, PF! And it is full of political intrigue, which I very much like. Wink

I found one little hiccup...

plausible_follicile wrote:
Suddenly, everything that you thought you were, everything that you though you believed in, crumbles around you.


Thought

...but no biggie.

Hm...this is a tough DP.... I'm not sure what I want the characters to do, but I do want to know more about what happened within the past few days/last evening, who these people are and why they are gathering, and who this Neha person is. I know that's unspecific, and probably unhelpful, but that's all I got. XD

Awesome job - keep it up! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, Seraphi!

Ouch. Silly typo. I'll correct it now!

The original 1st chapter was twice as long and would have given you some more details, but I didnt want to bore the readers with a really lengthy chapter. Can I put up a "Chapter-1, part 2" maybe? Hmmm...
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Seraphi - put Part II up, because there isn't really a decision for us to make over here. Smile
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Part 2- coming soon Wink
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, part two! *claps* I can't wait! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 6:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

no part 2 yet :o
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I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
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