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4th chap: Perfume for the rich, coals for the snitch

 
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 2:41 am    Post subject: 4th chap: Perfume for the rich, coals for the snitch Reply with quote

A STORY:
This story is about a tough school, where people get drugged, drunk and stalked. In this you meet Anna and Elsa, they are so far apart in love and relationship. After running from a crazy girl whom wants to kill Elsa, she meets the love of her life, yet with the trouble of finding his friend drugged, Elsa and the rest is poured into a mystery to fix. Elsa is in love with Jacquimo. She loves her sister yet her sister is in as much trouble as she is.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 7:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The introduction of the story is following after the rest of the character sheets.
Two new girls join an all girl school. Trouble, drama, comedy, fear and mystery. You can learn interesting things like the coin zodiac sign of troubles being thrown away. With this class all girls are teens. coin zodiac was designed by me (c) Smile


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2014 2:59 am    Post subject: More princesses and characters Reply with quote

START READING. EDITED

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2014 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter one: Coins, bullies and protection


A large taxi-cab’s smoke on the cold day dispersed when it come to a stop to the curb. The cab driver shook the two girls roughly and tossed their bags out. The building was settled in an open area close to the gardens down a dusty path.

The Blonde girl nudged her sister, dragging the bag and tossing it over her thin shoulders. Her sister with brown hair was picking pens from the floor. Breathing heat into her palms as she crouches to pick up the fallen objects.

Elsa had blonde hair and could see that her sister Anna was following her foot steps, skipping muddy holes and only stepping on the concrete areas.

It was very cold and none of them expected a tanned girl to pop out around the corner with a blue scarf and short skirt on such a cold day, around her neck the scarf seemed to hide something. Not being rude Elsa ignored it, not wanting to cause trouble.

“Hello. I’m Elsa and this is Anna my younger sister.”

This girl giggled and Elsa found it too girly for her to see someone new and to be laughed at so lightly. She however didn’t do anything about it because it was innocent giggles from someone who probably likes seeing people. Even though it felt awkward staring at this girl with large white teeth, bushy brown hair tied in a side-knot.

“My daughter will make your time here pleasant.” Elsa heard a man’s voice, looking to see who it was.

The girl waved at an old man, who walked out into the little light that there was. This old man had a tag saying, “Salutations”

Waiting behind the doors, “I’m jasmine”

Elsa looked at the girl with a smile. Jasmine had such cold clothes; she didn’t want to ask how the rules were of the school. Unless there was a reason she was wearing such skimpy clothes that would show ratty things if she bent over.

Elsa breathed in the air, “Atleast the air is cool.” Being sarcastic she meant the school wasn’t as popular as the sky was at the moment.

The school wasn’t such a bad spectacle from the outside. It was well taken care of especially on a day where it felt like an Ice age for Elsa and Anna.

“This school is a highly chosen school.” Jasmine made clear as they followed her.

“Really, so what would you say is the best here?” spoke Anna skipping a few old crumbled stone stairs.

“Halloween.” Jasmine giggled.

“Honestly, we have never had a Halloween from where we come.” Elsa commented

“Where is that?” Jasmine quizzically asked, immediately giving the impression of not getting anywhere than the school.

Elsa followed, “North-shore of the Highland.”

Elsa and her sister followed the welcome committee. Before entering the dean said, “Here we are. Everything will be seen for.”

Elsa shut her ears to the sound of the screech of the area’s door. She could see many girls all at chairs. And the smell of food, made her stomach twist. Maybe she had Jet lag, but hungry and not hungry was both at the same time
The Area had a large stage where the dean was walking to, a destination which seemed only for the teachers and their assistants. A logo at the top of the stairs at the stage stood, Teachers only, no exceptions. Another paper was at the foot of the stairs, “Risk at own accord, be kind and yall shall receive kindness.”

It seemed like the school was very religious or tempered with information to drag you into being good, and learning the rules. “Rules” Elsa breathed and shook her head and put a fake smile on her face. Little dimples showing when she smiled.

She breathed and watched her sister started signing papers.

In a glance Elsa saw what seemed to be vegetables, one crumbed steak and rice made with a very yellow spice. She was rather hungry from the flight and the taxi cab not wanting to stop for them to eat something. She shook her head once again and her sister Anna mouthed “stop it, you’ll be ok.”

Elsa knew Anna knew she was hungry, Elsa was always hungry. But for such a small stature and lanky body, people didn’t tell her she was on a diet. She took two steps on the stage and took the first schedule and signed her name. When she looked back at the cafeteria lady she heard a girl asking, “Can I please have a pastry?”

Elsa bit her lower lip, since food was all she could think about. She hurried with the signing papers and slowly moving into the food queue. This ladies’ work was stationed on the side at the far corner with a window made of wood. It had a mantle piece where the students get their meal for the day.

Elsa breathed and her stomach was growling, she felt so embarrassed of her stomach noises that she left the line and just went to sit down at her seat.
The cafeteria lady walked up to her, “everyone is on a diet, it doesn’t mean yo don’t get to eat.” She laughed, “I can hear a stomach if their hungry or not.” The lady put a pastry infront Elsa. The other girls frowned at her. Elsa just turned away and just took that frowns as a notion as No-eating.

Elsa looked frazzled at all the clothes of the seated students; they were of two different colours, a dull pink and a navy blue, all wearing cold clothes. Maybe the weather would heat up a bit.

There were exactly six long tables each with exactly thirty-two chairs. The students were being counted and each had been signing their name on a clipboard as they sat at their tables, to show their attendance.

A girl with black hair in a short bob had pulled her black poncho over her clothes as she accidentally Hit Elsa’s head, where the girl tried pulling her poncho right, a few girls had pushed her ponsho into her pants, having struggled and hitting Elsa. a girl sneakily whispered, “Witch.” It looked to Elsa that she was a Goth of some sort. Pixie hair cut, Red dark painted nails and a piercing through her ear.

“The attendance roster is really starting to get on my nerves.” Said a random girl whilst rolling the roster in her one hand and tossing it into the dustbin. She was sitting next to Elsa and seeing an eye of prowess with an ugly look was given by an old lady who had all black and a tie to her shirt. With a button which had apparently fallen off.

“Watch out, the dragon saw you.” Giggled her one friend. “There is nothing we can do about it. Lest risk being in the detention hall with that old hag.”
When they saw Elsa looking they immediately went quiet.
Elsa knew she wasn’t welcome to be talked to with those two girls. They seemed oblivious to those around them.

“Martha-All-Girl-School gives the privilege of getting the best education.” Spoke the dean. Continuing, “192 students.”

Elsa watched as the girl who hit her head moving her chair two paces to the left away from the other girls. Elsa could see she was in pain. She had to talk to her. her eyes was low and sad like she had recently lost something.

The old lady who lost a button frowned and pushed the chair back into place, loudly embarrassing the girl, “Winnie, Order and perfection I always say. Keep it like that, glued to the chair.”

Even tough the embarrassment from that teacher another bent down and whispered something. Which made Elsa very eager to know this teacher, a teacher who seemed to be made up like an old Egyptian Goddess; her Bronzer was put up a little too much. But her eyes were kind from the distance as she could see.

Elsa and Anna signed their names and signature on the attendance roaster. Before sitting the dean took a microphone and with a blundering voice announced, “Two new students has enrolled, please welcome them with open arms, their names are Elsa and Anna. As I say every morning at this gathering. Be nice and help. If any are bullied or pushed into something they do not want to do. I warn that the girls will be punishable to their deeds if they are of bad nature.”

A girl with matted hair looked at Elsa, “Do you dye your hair?”
“um...” the girl wiped a hair strand from her face.

“Because, your sister has brown hair and you have blonde, actually silver hair?”

“My sister dyes her hair and my name is Elsa.”

Elsa looked to the opposing table where her sister is seated. Elsa being on the far left of the hall and Anna being the far right. So much space between each other, yet they had become distant anyway.

“I'm Ariel” the girl with the wet hair replied with a smile, she immediately turned away from Elsa and carried on eating.

From a distance Elsa saw Anna accepting the plate and waved at the cafeteria lady. When Anna saw Elsa looking, she looked away and started eating, no matter if its making other angry because they don’t get pastries.

“Wow, you must be hungry, hey?” Ariel continued, “I’m quite the eater too, I swim almost everyday.”

“So that’s why your hair is so matted.”

“Yea I get drilled to swim and to get a sponsorship. I’d give anything not to look like a right side of a wookie.”

A large church bell rang, a gonging sound resounding around the whole girl school. A man standing at the closed gates was smoking. With a snare scar in his lip, he stared at the girls flocking to their first class of the year until none was seen on the grounds.

The grounds had beautiful gardens, rows of pink flowers and some blue forget-me-not flowers. A large fountain was often filled with coins, the girls whom were upset or having a bad day would toss an old coin with a certain year on it. Each year depends on the problem they have.
Winnie was the girl known as “the witch”, she had dreams and sometimes could tell what would happen in the future. She was staring into the fountain, her reflection showed a heart-shaped face with black bangs. She was wearing a long black poncho over her school clothes. It was drizzling weather, she took out a coin with the year 1993. “I need to toss my burdens, my dreams that bother me”

Elsa had been watching Winnie from a window, sneaking closer and hiding behind the statue of the school founder. She watched for an hour what Winnie was doing. It seemed that Winnie was a goth/emo girl, something told her that Winnie didn't have friends.

Winnie tossed another coin, “I need someone to talk to,” she tossed another coin, “I know your there”

Elsa's eyes grew big and she showed herself to Winnie.

Elsa slowly walked closer to Winnie.

“So what are you doing?” Elsa looked at the fountain's bottom, it was covered in different coins.

“Well, each year of a coin is a zodiac sign of the problems you want to throw away” Winnie said without looking at Elsa

“So what would this coin mean?” Elsa showed a coin with the year 1989 and Winnie took the coin from her hand and replied without looking, “I need to be alone”

“Oh so you tossed one with that year?”

“please” she said with melon-collie and Winnie started humming after saying, “I need to be alone”

“Oh, ok” Elsa softly replied and turned away off to her room to put her personal objects into their places and hang her clothes. Also to fetch others from the seamstress down near the locked library.

Elsa took out a little rabbit teddy with little buttons red and black for eyes. An original name of the doll called “patches” it was the only thing that ever made her feel at home. Her three room mates were not yet in her living space in the hostel.

She looked oddly at her school clothes, hers were a very dull pink with a brown scarf-tie. Looking over to the open cupboard of one of the girls, the one outfit was long sleeved shirt, a thick mended pants, short skirt and they were the same colour as Elsa's. Elsa looked at her short skirt and scarf-tie. Apparently she needed her pants and long sleeved shirt.

Elsa steadily put “Patches” down and hid it under the cushion. Hurriedly she ran over some of her clothes sprayed across the floor. She looked a short while and followed the map she dug out of her pocket.

“North-by-north-west, Um” She turned the map upside down and turned it right-up. There was a little spot pointing to the library with a “w” stamped on the library area. There was a picture of a door downstairs.

Elsa passed the library and saw the stairs. Four short stairs with a very steep incline. Taking hold of the railing she started down, hearing a few more girls laughing.
“I couldn't hold it in, Meriweather was wearing a robe made of blue.”

“She must be in a fight with Flora again”

The giggling was getting closer and Elsa felt afraid of anyone seeing her dressed in her sleeping clothes. Her clothes was a one-sie costume with two googly eyes wobbling.

She had to ask the Seamstress a huge favor for some proper sleeping clothes.

Knocking on the metal barred door, a beeping sound rang and the girls were apparently turning around. They were laughing, “Wrong way again girls, Halloween will be the highlight of the year”

Elsa Smiled, “I hope it'll be a good one then” she whispered.

“Come in”

“I said come in!”

Elsa was shocked she forgot the door had made a beeping sound. She walked down a concrete floor path into a room where different materials were packed into little wooden cabinets. A lady's face was hidden behind a large sowing machine and her glasses were at the top of her head.

Elsa stammered, “I am- I'm”

“The girl who didn't get her winter clothes” said the voice of the lady, she had a voice that had a bit of a young-girlish sound. “I'm Meriweather. I hope you don't mind, I'm just fixing my clothes.”

Elsa walked closer, Meriweather raised her hand and turned it, pointing to a white line on the floor. “Hun, I hope you don't mind, no one is allowed past this line”

“Stand on that side of the wall, so I can see your length and body form.” she added, “Take off most of your clothing, clothes that are too thick”

Elsa stepped back and put her back to the wall, she closed her eyes as she took off the one-sie. “Mam, could you make me some proper sleeping jams”

“You want jam to make you sleep?” Meriweather stood up and her eyes had a kind warm look. “Oh, Pajamas. Yes, dear, I can make one for you-- maybe two.”

Meriweather threw a long pants to Elsa and a long sleeved shirt. “It's a bit big don't you think?” said Elsa. She looked at the pants with disgust, she wasn't that fat. Elsa put her one leg through the pants when Meriweather interrupted her, “Do you know your size pants, all girls are the same size shirts, they are forced to loose weight, because they should not be lazy. Meriweather passed a size 8 pants. “There that is better now isn't it.” She also gave Elsa maid clothes with an apron.

“What is the cleaning clothes for?” Elsa held it with two fingers on each hand.

“Its new, hun and its yours. Every Sunday the girls clean their rooms, the halls and the bus. If they do that, they will be allowed to go after cleaning to the malls.” Meriweather winked whilst saying, “There might be someone there just for someone like you”

“I doubt that.” Elsa looked at the floor, it had cracks on it and the white line had pig-ear curls at the ending of the sticky tape. To her the cracked floor represented her broken heart and the white pig-folds of the line was her dysfunctional life.

“Deary” Meriweather waved her hand in front of Elsa's face which was looking down, like a child that's done wrong.

“Well, go on to your room, I just need you to tell me what housemother you have”

Elsa looked at the back of her schedule, “It seems my housemother is 'Naira'”

“Ah, Naira. Well if you ever have trouble with your clothes tell Naira, she is sometimes very hardheaded. Don't tell her I said that, she can easily cry too”

Elsa nodded, turned around and walked up the incline with one hand on the railing and the other filled with clothes. She heard Meriweather shouting, “Come get your pajamas tomorrow morning”

Elsa came to her room door number 50, wiggling the door handle it was locked. She looked into her pocket to see if she took her key with. She started banging on the door and heard giggling.”I'll see you soon again” a snorting laugh was heard and the door opened up.

“Hi, I live here too, I'm Elsa” Elsa held out her unhindered arm and the girl was shaking her arm over excitedly and gripping it. Elsa walked over to her bed and noticed her personal objects like her clothes were already hanging in their place.

“I fixed it, if Churchbull saw the clothes on the floor, you'd be sitting in the detention hall.”

“Thank you, I wouldn't have been able to stand a detention, don't they smell like smoke?”

“Well, if only you were to smoke, no girls smoke or tries to skip homework. Thus Churchbull only has the time on her hands to see everything that is not perfection.


Last edited by Kisses on Mon Oct 20, 2014 1:51 am; edited 17 times in total
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elsa turned her body to the bed and sat on the cushion, it might be lumpy because Patches her doll was hidden under it. This girl is someone who would always touch your things Elsa presumed, but she did have her cleared from the detention hall.

The girl with Dark long brown hair replied, “I'm Belle, sorry for keeping you outside, he usually sends me letters on Sunday, he couldn't wait for it.”

“Oh, ok. Hello Belle.”

“Hi. I saw you coming into the cafeteria with another girl, is she your sister?”

“Yes she is my sister.”

“Well I hope you don't mind, on Sunday I'll be cleaning the room, so if you don't want Churchbull to find anything I'd suggest hiding them.”

Elsa put her hands at her back to feel if Patches was still there. It was. “Well, I've been on a plane ride the whole day, I'm still a bit jet-lagged. I'll see you tomorrow in the history class. Then I'll get up early on Sunday to clean.”

Elsa climbed into her bed, closed her eyes and started counting not only the sheep's legs, but what colour their wool would be. Immediately she fell asleep after counting the tenth sheep's legs and adding it to the others.

As night drew nearer, Elsa's eyes shot open. The three girls were in their beds and she was awake at night. A small cellphone was blinking and charging in the only plug on their side. Double bunk beds. It must be that each girl has three roommates. Elsa stood silently up and looked to the beyond of the horizon, when she saw a row of muddy prints going from the street to the west side of the girl school.

She wondered, “Should I awake them. If I do what can we do.”

Belle mumbled, “The Damn police is in class again, don't they ever--- get-sick” Belle snorted like her giggling. Maybe it was her boyfriend again, or girl. Belle didn't say who. A girl turned in her bed and a long braid hit Elsa she started screaming, “Spider!! Get it off! Get it off”

Elsa was embarrassed it was the blond girl at her bunk sleeping on the top bunk. The girls screamed and Elsa grabbed Belle's mouth, keeping it shut.

“Someone is sneaking into the school.”

Belle yawned whilst the other two girls were clinging fearfully to their bedding. Belle answered, “It's maybe just the ground police again. Go, to- Sleep” she stretched out her arms and curled into her bed.

She heard footsteps outside their room. Hurriedly she hid away in her bed pretending to sleep with her head covered and her one eye looking. The door opened and it seemed to be a lady wearing a guard outfit. She probably came to check who made the sound. Her flashlight swung around and around. The light shone onto Elsa and she had immediately closed her eyes before being flashed.

When the guard left,she started digging into the bag she kept at her foot of the bed. Taking out her charged laptop. She opened the internet and typed in “security in Marthas all girl school.” No results were available.

The girl school was not mentioned anywhere. She looked up from the laptop to see if there was cameras, there were none. So that is probably why Belles other half can find this room and give her letters.

After 3 hours of sleep a cowbell was being rung in the halls and two others outside in the school grounds. It was 6 am and they had to get up or risk staying inside with no mall-time. Elsa dropped out her bed and as she slinked off with her winter clothes, cloth to the bathroom at the end of the hall. It was not just a bathroom it was a group shower.

At least she was the first to be in the shower. Quickly she washed herself, cringing and looking every 5 seconds if other girls will be coming in. She threw her bath towel over herself to hide her life's embarrassment. Quickly she pulled her tight fitted panties, struggling with the pants and pulled up the zipper. She didn't need a bra, since she had no breasts. She pulled her long sleeved shirt over her head and then finally her scarf-tie.

Elsa dried her silver hair off and was strolling along the halls, a few paintings had nature settings and others scenery of the city she lived in. She could see the changes of each decade, the malls had recently been structured outside not far from the girl school. It seemed there was a boy school not far from their hostel and classes.

Hurriedly Elsa saw a few long shadows coming closer. The three girls in room 50 rushed out their rooms still in their nighties and clonked their backs to the wall. Elsa almost laughed out loud. The shadows were coming closer.

“Get in line” the girls were waving their hands at Elsa. Quickly she joined them in the line. It was miss Churchbull and the other must be her house mother Naira. The housemother Naira gave each a paper to fill out. To see if the girls were of any nuisance, each had to write down from 1-5 stars of the girls duty and if their sound asleep at night.

Elsa was afraid of her reports on her. Elsa filled out the numbers and including a 5 for group work.

“You, you must be new to the school. Whats your name” Naira had an extendable microphone antennae with a light at the top, she touched Elsa's chin. The light flickered on the chest of Elsa. “I'm Elsa mam.”

“Please call me Naira. I'm not that old”

“No girls in my class will dress before being counted.”

“But--”

“No girls, or I'll send you to talk to the big kahuna himself.”

“Yes, mam.”

The three girls, the long haired girl, Belle and the other was the girl who always had wet hair; Ariel. Her hair was frizzy and uncombed. The three gave their papers and the teacher Naira looked at it and shook her head, whilst tis-tis sound. Churchbull took it from Naira and smiled with one eyebrow raised. “It's adequate, go get dressed girls.”

“And you Elsa I'll have to warn you to read the school rules.” replied Naira

“I understand Naira”

“Now all four scoot” Naira waved her hands and as Elsa was about to turn away she was told, “And you Elsa, go to the seamstress, she said she did something for you”

Elsa nodded and bowed her head, watching as the teacher's feet walk down the corridor.

Elsa followed the three girls. “um, I'm sorry for waking you guys.”

“Oh, its ok. We didn't say anything of it in the paper report. Girls are a flocking together.”

“Thank you, not many people are generous where I come from.”

“What about your sister?” asked Ariel

“Well, We've never had a real conversation since we were seven. I'm just not upto talking to her or interfering in her affairs”

“I hear Jasmine quite got attached to Anna or it was just a rumour.” answered the girl with the long blonde hair, “Oh and I'm Repunzel. I had my own trouble when I was age of three.”

Elsa sighed and said, “this school is very strict when it comes to demographics”
“Yes, but its worth while. Especially when you got company.” Belle spoke

Ariel and Repunzel waved at Elsa whilst walking to the showers. Soon after Belle was following them and all the third floor girls started a row for to shower, having the showers filled with girls. A short girl started screaming, “You girls got your own showers, go back” The little one, was trying to push a girl out of the third floor showers. “I said-”

“why don't you move.” grunted the giant which apparently had an ingrown toe.
“hey leave her alone or you'll be sent to the principal whilst stinking your way there.” defended Elsa the little one.

The giant stomped over to Elsa looked at her an inch from her face. Her breath stank that Elsa changed her mind, “I think she needs that shower,” She whispered at the corner of her mouth to the little one, “she needs a toothbrush”

The little one clapped her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing. Elsa scratched her neck and ran her fingers through her hair. The giants hair had funnily enough been clean and nothing wrong with it. Elsa said, “If there is another shower for you, why be up here with people you always fight with”

The giant lifted her hand, turned it into a fist. Immediately turned her hand and let her anger go.Elsa thought for a moment that the girl was sparing her beautiful face, when she saw Churchbull grabbing the Giants oddly dressed pigtial still in a plastic haircurl.

“Get dressed.”

Elsa scooted away from the large girl and went to her room. She grabbed her make-up and started with the map to the seamstress. Stepping lightly, there might be some girls who was sick or soon to be counted. She took hold of the railing not far from the library and jumped the three stairs.

Hammering on the door panel of an old lions head. The door beeped and she immediately enter the room. She stood still behind the white line and in thought wondered why the cupboards were empty and all the materials were on the floor behind Meriweather.

“You called,mam”

“Yes, I did. I can't seem to find a material for your pajamas. Could you buy some for me, I will pay you for your efforts, the nice thing is look for the colours you'd want. But I need these materials a certain type. I am holding high hope for you do get this task done.”

Elsa heard the seamstress door being banged on. Meriweather pushed a red button to open the door. It was Anna whom were walking in, she had a bag in her worn mittens. Anna looked at Elsa and said, “How are you today?”

“Good” Elsa did not look at Anna, only stared into the abyss of nothing on the end wall at the back of the room.

“So, she sending you on a quest too?”

“I have to go now” Elsa hid her list in her pocket when Anna screamed, “Please, can I come with? It'll be like when we were kids. Shopping, eating and lots of fun.”

“I have my handful of things to do and you can't play this is work.”

“Ok, can I still come with? I need to get some new---” she picked up a random object and said, “Socks”

“Fine” Elsa chocked her head to the metal door, “Wait there.”

Elsa looked around the room for any easy windows to get out of. There were none. Well she was stuck with Anna for the whole day.

Elsa and Anna glanced at the fountain seeing a man digging in the fountain's bottom.
“Hey! You!” The man seemed unafraid yet he ran off and finally disappeared into a concrete ditch with a sewer pipe. Looking up and down the area she saw that the pipe's gritted protection was kicked open, since there were foot prints.

Anna replied, “Ew, what a bum, we have to tell someone about it."

“Yes, still I need to go to the mall to get the materials.”

“Well, ok.” Anna took out her cellphone and was busy text messaging someone.

“Who you chatting to?”

“To Jasmine, she can tell the head Dean about it.”

“Smart move...”

“Hey are you being sarcastic?”

“No”

Anna was skipping whilst Elsa was her head in the clouds. She looked down into the map. The mall was just down and pass the alleyway. The mall made her jaw drop, a very large construction. The mall was called St March Annes. Large billboards, windows and parking spaces. A sharp blue light coming from the top of the mall window at the far left on the fifth floor.

Entering the mall, Elsa was being copy catted by a Mime. The clown had flipped his imaginative hair and carried his imaginative handbag. Elsa hissed like a cat to the Mime, offended the mime patted her head when he looked down at her

“ugh, get away” She slapped the clown over his face and landing on the floor he pretended to die with a fake flower in his hands.

“I like them” giggled Anna.
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elsa was glad that the mall had a futuristic stairwell,doors and security cameras. There was a information booth in a circle form, lots of advertisements and corridors to seek objects, little corridors. At the information booth the lady asked, “How may I be of service?”

“I'm looking for material shops.”

“All the bits and bobs that has to do with luxury is all on this floor.”

Elsa took hold of the mall map and turned the pages. It seemed that there were 25 small shops down each of three corridors splitting into a four way which made quite of a traffic, because everyone wanted their goods collected before sunday. The map showed that on sunday the mall is only open to those who have cards.

Elsa snapped her fingers, “I didn't read the rules, I need to get my mall card!”

Anna gasped, Elsa felt ashamed of being jet-lagged. Anna did not gasp at her problem, she was running to a toy shop. “haha” Elsa started laughing.

Elsa took Anna's chin and turned it at the name of the shop, “sex and play”

“these small shops with glasswindow see through will really sell anything to get a buck.”
“You making an offer?” a man who has been smoking behind them, had apparently had a pack of smokes, “I can tell you anything going on in this mall”

Elsa grabbed Anna's arm, Anna was about to stand close to that man. They both started running, Elsa skidded on the floor, “Material.” She threw money at the open stall and grabbed anything she could find.

“how am I supposed to count flying money.” said the grouchy shop keeper. Elsa and Anna wrapped themselves like east indian girls with only their eyes sticking out. The man was dashing past them and he finally got lost in the crowds who was trying to get a special on crafting hobby magazines.

Elsa giggled because they looked like idiots, people who had a fashion disaster.

Elsa went back to the shopkeeper, the lady gave them the slip they need to pay.
“I need these materials.” Elsa passed the written paper with Meriweather's signature.
“Madam Sharushka can always help Meriweather.”

“We're awefully sorry for grabbing these” Elsa and Anna was about to take the materials off when the lady smiled, “Keep it use it as protection if that man ever is to follow you two again”

Throwing the bought material in a plastic bag, it was adorned with the picture of their girl school emblem and motto. Having to walk to the girl school they had still been wrapped-up in the cloth. They had been pardoned for the mess.

“All these cobble stones are burning my feet.” Anna whined, hop- skip and jumping from the frog pond rocks. The black tarred road was driven so many times on that the street was very smooth and dangerous for bikes.

“So you lied about wanting socks. Yet your walking barefooted.”

“In all that rush I might have forgotten,”

“or you already have 20 pairs of socks, because I saw mom packing it for you.”
Two guys were pushing their own mountain-bikes up the hill. When Anna passed them the two turned around and started back down screaming, “Last one has to pay the bills!”

Finally Elsa and Anna got home safely. Meriweather was very pleased at the materials and stared at them with a frown. “Well, I'd have to say you need a place for those-- um-- clothes?”

Anna took off her green silk whilst sturggling to get out and passing the white line.
Meriweather grabbed the silk and pulled it off. Elsa grabbed hold of Anna and pulled her behind the line. Heck knows what would happen.

“Class! Oh, no! We're late” Anna screamed

Meriweather pushed the gate door button and both started pushing at each other to get to history class. Meriweather shook her head in amazement that such two sisters are not very harmonious to each other.

The history teacher's class was a large wendy house with the year 1993 on it. Elsa and Anna both had different colour clothes. Elsa was jealous Anna had marine blue and she had a dull pink. Knocking on the little wooden door, another little doggy door opened and a little kitten sat down on the welcoming mat. Shaking its tail and finally the real door opened.

“Well, glad you two could make it. There is only two seats left next to each other.”

“We're sorry for being late.”

“Meriweather gave an explanation.”

The only seats that was left was at the back. The back chairs had been drawn with pen onto each work space. Belle and Repunsel waved at Elsa. Ariel was not there. Elsa sat at the right side next to her sister Anna. “Where is Ariel.” whispered Elsa to Repunsel
“She always practice her swimming rounds in the pool then has extra class after school. Especially when it comes to history”

The history class's walls were painted with different maps. The girls in history class all had either blue or pink clothes. Elsa buttoned up her shirt to look neat. Cleopatra the teacher tapped her shoulder, “You must wear your winter clothes. If you do not read the rules on days like this. I'm afraid that old dragon will find you and be pushed to the principle.”

A girl infront of Elsa giggled and looked back, “The principle always makes the biggest mistake-- he talks”

Cleopatra tapped her wooden ruler on an area on the painted walls. “What place has all those small islands?”

“Hawaii.”

“No. It's new”

“It's the vacation spot in form of a tree all floating on water.” Ariel came in having her hair wrapped in a red sports wrap for long hair.

“Oh, see who comes in now. The open know it all” It was the giant who spoke and Elsa had just been having a good day after all the trouble of a thief and a stalker.

Ariel spat, “Oh and you're a balderdash, that means something that doesn't exist in my or any's life”

“Oh and you dating a cross-dresser. He'll never marry you. Who wants a wet blanket cry baby”

Cleopatra grabbed Ariel's arm and pulled her to one side at her table. She whiped Ariel's tear away and then grunted at the giant, “Aesly go to the principle.”

Aesly jealously looked back at Elsa, she might still have a grudge to her.

“For someone who doesn't think before they speak they really have a strong will to rule at the top in all the wrong ways”

“I understand your pain... “Elsa reached out to tap Ariel's shoulder. She reacted with anger and pulling her shoulder away.

Elsa tore out a paper from her scratch sketch book passing a letter to Ariel, “Loneliness often is said in the bible. Those whom had love, may they find love... those who never had love, may they find content love that reflects their feelings, hard or even soft.”

Ariel replied, “It doesn't say that-- does it?”

“It doesn't say exactly that, but it helps?”

Ariel nodded, folding the paper into four quarters and hid it in her pocket.

"You know your wisdom is a diamond in the rough” Ariel whispered then turned her head away as the school gong started ringing.

Elsa was walking in the hall with her sister, it was close to being Anna's birthday. Elsa had to make a plan to get her a surprise even if she thought Anna was a bit annoying. Anna gave a half hug to Elsa and ran off up to the forthfloor of the hostel. Turning around for a second saying, “It is the 67 room”

“What?” Elsa misunderstood, looked around her and no one was behind her.
“Oh, your room”

Entering room 50 Repunsel was the only one in the room. “Tomorrow is Sunday. Better start reading your rules.”

“Why do we always have one class on saturday?”

“I always get Ariel her personal objects and wants at the mall. Oh, yes,here you go.”
Repunsel passed Elsa her Mall card. “Oh thank you. Elsa held it like a valentyns card.
“Your sister gave it. She was apparently confused to be Elsa and Also Anna...” Giggled Repunsel.

“Thank, you”

“Just call me DB” Repunsel replied.

“One class is not optional, however there is only saturday classes if someone skipped the class for 3 days or more.”

“Oh, ok”

Elsa turned on the ball of her foot and opened her bag. “Where is it?” Elsa turned to Repunsel, “can I lend your rule book, DB”

“I'm sorry Elsa, I don't have mine anymore.”

“Can you teach me?”

“I'm sorry, if I do, I'll be sitting all day in my room.”

Elsa noticed Repunsel's nose twitching, she was lying. So Elsa had to wait until everyone was asleep.


Last edited by Kisses on Thu Mar 27, 2014 7:32 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elsa opened her eyes and lifted her head from her bed cushion, feeling under her cushion, patches was gone. She looked at her right side of the bed, he was lying on the floor. She remembered what Belle said, hide anything you do not want to be seen.
Elsa took her bag and doll and shoved it into her lowest cabinet of her wardrobe.
The cow belles were ringing, she screamed, “Oh, God no, I fell asleep in my school clothes”

Elsa grabbed her sleeping clothes and pulled it roughly over her school clothes. Hurring outside and being the first against the wall. Followed by the others scrambling to their place on the wall, pushing Elsa to be fourth. Elsa looked down the hall, each dorm room had four girls against the wall.

Naira was the only one who was checking how many there were, she wasn't passing papers out. When Naira reached Elsa, she spoke, “I'm going to ask you one question and if you have it wrong, you'll be spending the time in an office.”

“I'm-- uh-- ready.”

“On what days do you have a free day of no school.”

“Um, Saturday?”

“Close enough.”

Elsa took a deep breath, “thank goodness”

Naira seeing Elsa's shoulder lowering, saw the pink cuff of her group. “Go to the principle's office.”

“It was an accident, please! I lost something important...”

“Like... “

“my....” Elsa mumbled

“Your?” Naira raised her one eyebrow

“Rulebook...”

The three girls gasped, “We could have lent you ours.”

“I asked Repunsel but the same happened to her.”

Belle and Ariel turned their gaze to Repunsel.

Repunsel's lips was quivvering with fear.

Naira tapped Repunsel, “Both of you will clean this whole floors mess, then you can go to the Mall.”

Elsa bowed her head again in respect, and Naira tapped her chin so she would look in the housemother's eyes. Blue dark eyes were staring back, yet didn't seem angry at all.

“And you better start now. I know its five in the morning.”

The four of them went back into room 50. Repunsel tossed Elsa a mop, it was hidden under her bed which had a pull out storage area. Elsa bent down with the mop so see if she had one. There were none. So it was probably a cleaning product storage.

“I'll find you outside, I'm just looking for something.”

Elsa made her way to the group bathroom and poured water into a free bucket she found under the sink. She wobbled her way with the large bucket. “You still coming DB.?”

“Yes, just hold on. My mom called me on my cell.”

Elsa sneaked to the door, it didn't sound like she was talking to her mother. “I need dirt, the wrost dirt you can find.” Repunsel turned away from the north window and Elsa moved away from the ajar door.

When Repunsel looked down the hall, Elsa was mopping the floor with water.

“You need cleaning products dummy.”

Elsa stood up almost hitting Repunsel with the wet end. It was a two way mop, one for drying off and the other for cleaning with soap.

“Agh, you used the wrong end for water. Now we'll have to let it dry out in the sun. You have to watch the mop. I'll clean the windows.”

Elsa grabbed the mop back, “Fine your highness”

“Hey, I'm only trying to help.”

“Your the one who got us here.”

“Hey, I'm not the one who --”

“Who what?”

“I'm holding my tongue, your not worth fighting with.”

A whole group of girls were all hurrying to the showers, “What a Drama.” Laughed one girl, she was laughing with Aesly.

“ahahaha...” she laughed halfheartedly.

The little one's voice was heard again, “Hey, not you again. You're really unreasonable.”

“Get out of my face”

“Yes, ok” The little girl with black hair had her red lipstick smudged. Aesly must have done it.

The little one introduced herself, “I'm Snow, Snow White.”

“Well, that giant inbred freak doesn't have anything that you have. Better wipe your lipstick off and re apply.”

“haha, yes, I can't stand Aesly... she always does something to anyone first at the mirror.”

“Why does she want to be at this shower?”

“theirs have single showers and no mirror.” she breathed, “honestly I think their bathroom would be the best in the first floor and whole school hostel."

“I'll see you around, got some business to do, maybe see Meriweather.” Elsa said as she turned around. Skipping away from the library direction. She had to hang the mop up to dry. The little one was following Elsa. “I could help you.” she said softly.

“I don't want you to have trouble. Just tell me where we dry our clothes when their washed.”

Snow shrugged for a moment and then pointed her hand up, “I know, the line is outside at the fountain's side. It's only that all the levels can wash and dry their clothes on every Sunday.

Snow turned away and walked back to the bathroom. Elsa skipped over to the outside double door. Two girls were at the door playing with their cellphone, laughing and texting.

Elsa hurried with the mop to the fountain far in the distance. Jumping over the blue forget-me's Elsa sat down for a rest at the fountain's side. When Elsa looked up to the two girls on the stairs at the door, they were gone. Yet someone else was standing there with a large professional camera.

Elsa was taken aback and hurried her way to the line for clothes. The gate was locked.
Snapping her fingers, “I probably should have asked Meriweather first, what am I going to do.”

Shaking on the gate she saw a door on the far other side. It was open and one girl was entering. It was Repunzel with wet cloths, that was used for the windows. When Elsa saw Aesly following, Elsa turned away and listened.

Aesly, “I got her, she'll be in soo much trouble.”

Repunzel held out her hands, “Haha, she is still wearing her nighties over her school clothes.” and she continued, “Show it to the dean.”

“The saltin will have to kick her out of school.”

Elsa started hyperventilating from shock, wiped a tear away, “I can't end my school year in two days. I just can't”

Elsa turned around and hit her head against a long slender person. The hairs of Elsa's back felt like cold chicken. The feet of the man was uncovered and the rest were a bit dirty. Stepping back Elsa hit the gate with her back scaring Repuzel and Aesly away. “Help they screamed together.”

“You cowards.”

Elsa's mouth was held by this man, suddenly shoes and rocks were being thrown at the man. He let Elsa go, jumping into the sewer ditch and wiggled his way through the sewer pipe. Elsa looked down at the sewer, the man had a electronic tool and he started shutting the grit of the pipe.

Elsa turned to the people who helped her, it was a girl who was wearing a pair of lucky rabbits feet. “Thank you.” Elsa fainted.

The Darkness seemed to get clear and as Elsa opened her eyes she touched her eyes, someone put two coins on her eyes. Two bronze coins with the year 1895. Elsa turned her head to two people sitting next to her. The girl with lucky rabbits feet was asleep and the other was the emo/ goth girl whom had apparently put the coins on her eyes.

Elsa opened her clinched fist it was her coin that Winnie had taken without giving back.

“Your sister told me exactly why you have trouble. I understand. The thing is I and the rest of the teachers has spoken to each, you'll be moving to your own little flat, which has everything you need.”

Elsa opened her mouth to argue, when she closed it seeing Aesly at the ward door. Aesly was fiddling with her fingers. She looked like she was recently punished.

A storm was brewing inside Elsa, sadness, hate and wanting to be alone. She was pushed up by Winnie and the lucky girl.

“I'm Sophia.” The girl touched her amulet around her neck.

“Elsa take a big breather.” said Winnie

“Aesly been punished for being found out having taken naked pictures of the third floor teen girls and posting it at the boy school and online.”

“ugh, she's--” Elsa saw Aesly walking closer and closer. It looked like she had a cripple walk, but it was probably because she couldn't walk, she held her bottom.

Aesly stood still, “I told the dean to give you your own little place. I feel re-- regretful”

The dean ushered Aesly to him, “You'll carry everything and every inch of Elsa's luggage. The three friends of hers will not help you. Repunsel is confined to the toilets-- to clean,either to clean the toilets or eat soap.”

Aesly nodded, folding her hand into a fist. Elsa knew the trouble wasn't finished.
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2014 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The dean spoke, “We've taken precautions, these grounds will be covered with police and traffic guards. To make every girl feel safe.”

Elsa put her feet onto the cold tiled floor, noticing that her sleeping clothes were different. Aesly took hold of Elsa's arm and pulled her up by supporting her weight.
Elsa looked at Aesly, “well, well, the gargantua has a soft spot.”

Aesly whispered in Elsa's ear as they got out of the ward, “The only soft spot I have is my bottom. Your just a leech, in moments time you'll be out of everyone's hands.”

“I'll look forward to it”

Aesly pulled Elsa's weight up a steep hill and finally a little house made of rocks. She then tossed Elsa at the door. “Ow, you bitch”

“I'm a bitch, haha, at the least I'll find out just exactly what is really wrong with you.”

Elsa wobbled by grabbing the rail of the house's lifted outlook porch. Aesly opened the house door and Elsa followed her inside.Aesly shut the room door behind her.

Elsa frightened, “what are you doing?”

Aesly grabbed Elsa around the neck and pushed her against the empty bookcase. She started squeezing harder, her face had a grimace of anger and that of a murderer. Elsa tried screaming, she couldn't breath. She moved her free hands in a startling motion grabbing a broken chair piece and smashing it into Aesly's left eye.

“Now you look pretty” screamed Elsa, she grabbed the keys opened the door and left it open. She had a feeling that maybe Aesly might bleed to death.

Looking around she found a shovel. Starting to dig at the floor. A lady's voice started talking, a mysterious voice, “Is anyone there?”

The lady came closer and saw Elsa half way through the gate and her other half stuck on her pants. “Oh, no”

“Get away!She's gonna kill me”

Aesly pushed the lady out the way grabbed Elsa's feet and her pants was pulled off instead of dragging Elsa back into the school grounds. She started squirming through the dug hole and ran for the woods which seemed the only place not to be easily found.

Cold and shivering she pittered-pattered over a little river. Jumping over a few logs. Trees everywhere, she looked for the perfect tree to climb up in, since she can't stay in the woods with a shirt and a tight pantaloons.

She took hold of the largest tree she can find, pulling her weight up and putting her feet on the branches, almost splitting whilst the trouble of keeping grip. The rain had just started, she felt jinxed this whole day through. She sat on the largest branch she could find, mumbling, “Yes, find dirt, find the worst dirt. Blah blah blah” she held her shoulders trying to keep her breath warm. Breathing into her hands. When the rain poured, the tree was no help.

Hurrying to the top to see if anyone was coming, she slipped and hung upside down. Three flash lights in the corner of her eye was flashing in three different directions. The two branches which held her foot broke and she landed on something lumpy and cold.

“Get, off.” screamed the boy.

The boy seemed to be in a lion cloth. Elsa curled into a ball hiding her wonderfully coloured panty.

The lights shone onto her, cringing in fear she screamed, “Please! Don't kill me!”

The three men holding the flashlights pulled Elsa up and looked at the boy. “Mowgli are you seriously fucked over.” Elsa pulled her one arm free, “I have to go, please.”

The guy wearing a coin around his neck, “Mowgli are you drunk again. It's Jacquimo speaking, read my lips. What you do to her.”

The boy Mowgli shook his head and ran off, causing him to slip and roll down hill.
“Poor girl,” spoke a black haired boy with very long hair, he was wearing a long gothic clothes, meant for a girl, plus very nice boots. “I'm Eric. Who is trying to kill you.”
Elsa screamed, “I don't want to go back, not now not ever.

“Oh, she must be a Martha student. Well, where we are... we need no unnecessary rules.”

“The thing is...” Elsa took a deep breath and sighed.

“The thing is what?”

“My whole school year has been a frump”

“You mean a ramp. Too many ups and too little downs.”

“Frump as in Fuck and Ramp.”

“I see.” Jacquimo waved at the boys to follow him, “We better go get Mowgli”
Elsa tripped and stumbled her way after the three boys, “Wait, please, she's trying to kill me.”

The short blond haired guy pulled on his friends long raincoat, “We better get her somewhere safe.”

Elsa hurried her way to the boys, skipping from rock and dodging twigs. “Um, can you help me a bit here, Some spare jacket or anything.”

The blond-haired guy took hold of Elsa's hand, “I'm called The Beast,” he took off his extra jacket and Elsa quickly wrapped it around her lower body. “Oh, thank you.”

The Beast spoke, “So you know Belle by any chance”

“Yes, but for the past while I had a very bad day and also lost my rule book on the account of all things.”

“Was Repunsel there?”

“Yes”

“Next time go to Flora. She is the one who found her dumped at this school. “
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 12:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“It's so cold,” Elsa rubbed her shoulders to keep warm and following the boys in their wake. Troublesome indeed to find a drunk boy of a school with no rules.

Eric held out his hand to Elsa, she took hold of it. He pulled her up onto the large cliff piece made of ground and grass.

“So, who is the one?”

“The one?”

“The one who wants to kill you.”

“Oh, that I almost felt comfortable with you guys. It's a girl called Aesly.”

Eric and Jacquimo started laughing, “That one, she's part of the scissor girl group.”

“That is?” Elsa raised her eyebrows.

“It means she is a lesbian with no secrets.” answered The Beast.

“Who else is a lesbian in our school?” Elsa crossed a muddy puddle having sand on her feet and a bruised foot, hopping and walking at times whilst alternating. Having mud on her feet she didn't bother cleaning it off. Being in the woods it could be dirty so cleaning is not an option.

“Well, Cinderella is one,”

“Ah, I see him.” The Beast shouted.

Mowgli was asleep inside a hollow tree with something soft behind him.

Elsa reached out and tried figuring out what the soft thing was, she clenched her nose.

It was a dead animal. The three boys took out Mowgli and sneered at the way he smelled.

“A dead bear.” Elsa gasped, “Did he do that?”

“He is always sensitive about dead animals, he's a farm boy"

"Then who killed it?"

“I don't believe he killed that bear.” Eric pointed at a fallen tree not far from the hole where Mowgli was asleep.

“He was out here on a thundering rain.” Eric sniffed the air, “Do you smell perfume?”

Elsa smelled herself, “I didn't have time to put one on.”

“So, that means...” silence followed and the perfume was apparently being sprayed into the air. The boys grabbed Elsa by the wrist looked at each other Eric and Jacquimo.

Jacquimo pulled her over his shoulders. They started running whilst hearing, “Hunt or be hunted”

Being on Jacquimo's shoulders the run was long and uncomfortable, hair flying over her face and her recent braids got stuck to trees or her face would have a few scratches.

Jacquimo shouted, “Well, I hope your Ok with me running.”

“It's better than dying” replied Elsa with a huff and puff.

Jacquimo's hand was holding onto Elsa's bottom and the jacket fell off. “the jacket!”
“Leave it”

“Watch where you touching me” she was busy slipping, moving her hands behind her back she kept her panty in one place. “This ride could be better.”

Jacquimo hopped to get Elsa to stay on his shoulder. She hollered, “This couldn't get any worse can it?”

“Actaully it can. The bridge to the boy school.”

“bridge?” she screamed when Jacquimo came to an abrupt stop, putting her on her feet.

A long rope bridge was swinging over a thirty meter drop. “Girls first.”

Elsa shuffled her foot around on the first wood plank and started walking carefully. The three boys followed and Mowgli was being carried by The Beast.

“I'm at home, I'm on a safe way home. I'm- I'm. Looking down!” Elsa stood still, pinned with the fear of falling.

“GO!” Screamed the three boys together.

“Ok. Don't look. Don't look” Elsa finally got her last feet settled on the other side.

The one carrying Mowgli was next, after the other two passed the girl whom were looking for her was Aesly.

Elsa screamed at her, “You're an idiot.”

The boys untied the rope on their side and leaving one tied still.

Elsa watched as Aesly threw a rock their way. When Aesly turned around Flora and three guards grabbed her, she started screaming histerically. A crazy scream, someone who needs a straight jacket. One of the female guards waved at Elsa with a flash light.

She hid behind Jacquimo and he pushed her into the light. Elsa had suffered, met boys who are not at all perverted as her mom would say.

Jacquimo spoke, “Well, I'll talk to our head of our school.”

“Thank you to you all.” she took a relaxing breath, “all my years I've never had such a day.”

“Things do happen, they might change you, but it makes you stronger too.” The Beast shook his hand at Elsa, calling all to follow him.

“We'll take you home tomorrow afternoon, on Monday.”

Entering the boys schoolyard. Mowgli started whining like a little baby about the bear who died even after trying to help. The three boys enter a large building which had barred windows, no parking spaces and an empty frontyard.

“This school was a very large jail.” said Jacquimo

“Well, there is a dungeon. We never go down there. Your welcome to stay for a little while.”

“There is no bullies here, are there?”

“No, all boys who are bullies would spent time in solitary confinement until they learn why they are there.”

“You ever been there Jacquimo, Eric?”

“I was. It's a horrid time if you stay there before Christmas.”

“Why Christmas?”

“It's said there is a ghost in the dungeon solitary....”

“and in the girl school there is a ghost in the library.”

“Luckily its April fifth.”


Last edited by Kisses on Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 4:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elsa felt the cold wind going up her spine, the school was so cold that no boys were out in the halls. Jacquimo spoke softly, “Ok, guys put Mowgli in the bath. I'll get Elsa to live with me for a while.”

Elsa followed Jacquimo, he had taken out a mirror . Leaning against the wall he pointed the mirror to see if anyone was around the corner at his room. “Ok, its safe.” he continued, “I'll be right back, wait in my room.”

Elsa opened the door there were only two beds. “Boys they are so lucky.”

Sitting down on the right side of the bed closest to the door. The bedding were a lot softer than the girls ones. She looked at the large clock on the wall, it was seven pm.

Jacquimo came back with school clothes, “These are for you.” passing the clothes. Elsa pulled the clothes on. It was a bit big, but at the least she was covered now.

Jacquimo took out a bottle of rose, his hand shook of nervousness. “I thought maybe something strong to drink might help your nerves.”

Elsa giggled, “Maybe you need it.”

“I'll share then.”

He pulled out two glasses from his wardrobe, it was hidden in a box labeled “junk”.
A cylindrical glass was poured halfway and Jacquimo poured himself a full glass.

“Well, to you.”

“Why me?”

Jacquimo wiped his corner of his mouth, “well, you got away from a crazy old hag, trusted people you didn't know... And finally your life is not at the brink of suicide.”

“To throwing troubles.” Elsa lifted the glass.

Jacquimo and Elsa had emptied the bottle and it was 8 pm.

“I have my own little flat away from everyone...”

Elsa scooted her back to the wall of the bed side and Jacquimo joined. His brown eyes looked sincere and eager.

“So what makes you so different?”

“I've always been different even from birth.”

“Tell me, it can't be that bad.”

“I'm transsexual, I might look all female... but its always pulled me down.”

Jacquimo moved closer and looked her in the eyes... leaning closer... Her heart was beating very fast and Jacquimo kissed her. The kiss felt like it lasted for quite a while.

Jacquimo pulled away and sat innocently next to Elsa. Having his roommate entering and locking the door behind. The room mate was a guy who was very darkly tanned, “Oh, hello Jacq, who is this?”

“This is Elsa.” he squabbled silently, “pooper”

“What?”

“Elsa this is Moses, Cleopatra's adopted son.”

“Oh, so she is a Martha student,” Moses tied his hair to the back with a thin scrunchy.

“She'll stay here for a couple of days.”

“Just watch out, the dean doesn't take stow-aways.”

“If you ever” Jacquimo stood up and pointed his empty glass at Moses, “Tell the dean, I'll make sure you get a warning for your visits at the cafe shop.”

Jacquimo turned back to Elsa, she had fallen asleep. He pushed Moses out his own room, “Don't come back until she is ready to go home.” and he slammed the door in Moses face.

Jacquimo picked up Elsa and put her into the bed, covering her with a blanket and started laughing at Moses through the door peek-hole. He moved over to the other bed on the other side. Elsa opened her one eye and closed it, thinking, 'very respectful'
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 2: Winging the day


The sun started streaming through the open window, the bottom half was hidden with the other bed's linens. A tickling on the neck of Elsa, she giggled. Startled she noticed Jacquimo tried whispering something to her. “mmm?” she looked up at him a few centimeters away, staring into his eyes.

Elsa cleared her throat, “Don't you have class?”

“I told my teacher I'm not coming in today.” he held out his mall card twiddling it like a coin through his fingers.

“You want to go to the mall?” Elsa blushed, trying to hide her laugh she pursed her lips together into a thin hidden smile. “Your full of surprises”

“I called my sister this morning, she dropped off some clothes for you. She wants to meet us at the mall.”

“She a all girl student?”

“No, she is working.”

Elsa stood up from the bed, taking the clothes on the side table. Quickly she headed to the door, “so can you show me where the bathrooms are?”

“I haven't told the dean yet. So you'll have to dress here. I'll wait outside.”

Elsa stepped a few paces back and waited until Jacquimo closed the door. She pulled off the baggy clothes, first the shirt. She folded each item of clothing as she undressed. Pulling the new clothes on, she saw a new bought pack of pantaloons.

“Well, how thoughtful...” she giggled, “All this wet clothes can be washed.”

“You done yet.”

“Hold on”

She pulled the pretty khaki pants on, she then slowly pulled the door open. Jacquimo smiled and put a hat onto her head. “Just for the sun.”

“You mean if they see me.” Elsa grinned a wide white smile.

“You know how to ride a bike?”

“I can't even drive a mall cart,” Elsa giggled, “Just kidding,a normal bike would be good. I don't have a license for any motor-vehicle.”

“We'll have to take the long way to the mall.” he continued, “Its a path across from the graveyard.”

“There is a graveyard?”

“Yes, there is also a bus going from this city to another passing by three graveyards closed off with cement walls.”

He took out keys and hurriedly pulled Elsa by the hand dashing to a closed off garage door. Elsa took a glance at the coin around his neck. It had a symbol on it, a strange triangle and a omega sign over it. Pointing a button to the garage, it opened up.

A large Harley was standing alone, looking like a brand new one or very well taken care of. A light in the garage was flickering on and off, “The lights of the garage has not been changed in a few months time.”

Jacquimo took his hanging jacket and put it on along with the bike helmet. Elsa slowly looked around the place, took hold of a helmet sitting all alone by a hardware workstation.

“Ok, I'm ready.”

“Brace yourself.”

Elsa closed her eyes when the motorbike started, it rumbled yet didn't make too much noise. The bike drove away from the school and Elsa with her ears to his chest could hear his breathing. She opened her eyes and watched as the rain clouds were dispersing. She interlocked her hands around his waist.

The world seemed like a unending dream on a bike on the number nine cloud. Turning her head to his back she watched the boy school as it disappeared behind a steep hill.

She took her one hand slowly she shut the helmet lense. Immediately holding on to Jacquimo. The road ahead was a snaking dusty path, Elsa clenched her legs to the bike and held on to him, she was fearful when the bike started taking turning corners.

Jacquimo stood still, “This is the graveyard, most are young adults who passed away there.”

A fence surrounded the graveyard, a few family members were there paying their respects to the deceased. “On Halloween and Christmas all the boy and girls schools come together to give flowers to two grave stones.”

They started driving again it was a fast moving vehicle, if she didn't wear the helmet she would have eaten bugs or rocks. The way to the mall seemed a lot easier than to worry about people around her. He was one of the two people who knew what she was, including her sister.

Elsa was lifted under her shoulders, “Now, I know how it feels to walk like a cowboy.” She straightened up and looked at the place they were.

“St March Annes.” Elsa's jaw dropped, “Stay close, there is a stalker here”

“I'll protect you,” Jacquimo took hold of Elsa's hand very slowly. a warm comforting hand.

The wide doors opened up, Elsa was expecting the mime to mimic them. Instead he was gone. “mmm, I thought.”

“Come she's waiting at the third floor cafe.”

Elsa watched as the people all standing in rows on the electronic stairwell, another piece of the stairs was floor level, giving people easy access without walking to the buss stop. Elsa hurried next to Jacquimo, loosing her attention span of the different places she has not seen before.

They went up another stairwell, this one was not electronic, it was probably best not to have it there. “So, where does she work?”

“Well, not in this city, she's just visiting for a while.” Jacquimo pointed to a lanky, black-haired girl who was waving at them.

Elsa held out her hand to greet her, instead his sister gave Elsa a hug. “I heard what happened.”

They entered the Milky Lane restaurant, sitting at a three chaired table. A waitress arrived intorducing herself, “Good afternoon, I'm Tiana your current waitress.”

Jacquimo asked her to come closer, he whispered something in the waitresses ear. Tiana nodded, walking away whilst writing on a paper.

“And that was?” Elsa asked curiously

“Oh nothing.”

Jacquimo's sister stood up, “I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back.”

The Milky Lane's speakers changed a song, “When I smile I run away, I took my chances on a beautiful stranger.” The song was soft enough to listen yet also to talk to each other.
“Quite a song.” Elsa blushed.

“Um, since you don't have your purse here, I'll buy something for you.”

“Oh, no I couldn't.”

Jacquimo looked at Elsa with a face that says I-will-even-if-you-don't. Elsa smiled, “Ok,” she turned to look for his sister, instead Tiana came back with her paper.

“What you want to drink, Elsa?”

“Uh, coffee. I think.”

“You think?” he took the restaurant menu and pointed at what he wanted. “You have this?”

“Yes, anything for the girl who was here before?”

“She usually gets herself a cider. In this case of being in the Milky Lane, come back later.”

Three boys came upto the table, “Hey Jacquimo, You finally found someone”

“Hey,girl , this guy knows how to operate when it comes to loyalty.”

Jacquimo waved his hand at the side of the chair, using sign language to show them to go away, cause he doesn't know them.

Jacquimo smiled, it looked like he had porcelain veneers. Very white teeth. She however believes its better to have teeth that is a bit bigger, than to have small teeth and not much for dentists to work on.
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“Do you have any family living close by?”

“Only my sister in the girl school.” she remembered, “Oh, no, my sisters birthday is soon to come around the corner.”

“So, today is the seventh April, when is her birthday?”

“twenty second April.”

“We'll you got enough time on your hands--” Jacquimo's sister interrupted, “You can stay as long as you want. I had talked to our uncle, he said it was Ok with him.”
“Who is your uncle?”

Jacquimo smiled, “He's the dean and the boy school pastor.”

“Wow, thanks. So, how easy is your school when it doesn't have rules like mine?”

“First off we each have enough time to wake up. The background of our school has a rugby field whilst the front looks dull, but only to fool those who are thieves.”

Tiana was balancing two waitress plates, putting down one with the two drinks and another with three sea food platters. Tiana passed over three small plates and with one step back, “Anything else?”

“No, thank you. Bring the slip so I can pay.”

“Why so fast?” asked Jacquimo's sister

“I well....” Jacquimo felt awkward

“Ah, you want to show her the --”

“Hey, don't spoil it.” he took a piece of prawn, removed the shelled and ate a piece.
Elsa picked up a mussel, “So what exactly are you planning?”

“I want to show it, you probably haven't seen something like it. From where do you come?”

“From the north shore of Highland.” she continued, “I however was brought up by 'n family with no accent at all.”

“you ever seen the teddy bears head?”

“that is ireland.” Elsa looked around her, “What time is it?”

“Its ten am,” Jacquimo looked at his watch

“We are going now, Fran.” He dug into his bag and passed his sister the money. “Doggy bag the food, I'd like to take it home, tell dad I said thanks”

“why not tell your dad?” Elsa wondered

“I don't get a cellphone until later this year.” Jacquimo stood silent at teh table giving his sister a hug, "Thanks."

“Its a but of a punishment for keeping you a secret.” spoke fran, “I hope to see you two tonight for the film ticket I bought.”
“It was lovely to have met you Fran, I do hope to know you better.” Elsa smiled
“I do to.”

Jacquimo motioned Elsa to follow him down the stiars and onto the flat ground escalator. “We're going on a bus, its about twenty kilometers away from the St MA.”

Elsa was a bit afraid hesitating at the bus doors, “I'm not sure.” He took hold of her hand whilst standing on the bus's stairs and the door almost closing, “Just say if you want to go home.”

“Trust me.” Jacquimo held out his other hand and took Elsa to the back of the bus, away from strangers. “I don't know what your going to do, I just don't want to get lost.”

"So you want to stay?"

The bus started up and Jacquimo raised his arm, stretching and curling his right arm around her, very little people were on the bus. Yet, those who were there kept looking at them. Jacquimo could see she being uncomfortable around people who stare. Elsa moved closer to Jacquimo leaning her back to him, he was holding onto her watching as the bus started off from its last stop. “The trip ends at the last bus.”

Elsa did not lean against the windows, the bus's windows was oily from people whom slept with their head against the windows. The bus was rattling, whilst a baby started screaming. The old lady pushed the bus red button and climbed off.

“You can sleep if you want to.” he cuddled Elsa

“Ok,” Elsa dosed in and out of sleep hearing Jacquimo, “There is the first graveyard. The second and third will not be long now.”

Elsa moved her head to the window, “I see, this place has quite a lot of graves...”

It took fourty minutes to get to their destination, Jacquimo took Elsa's hair out her face. “We're here.”

She looked up through the window and with a surprise it was a convention with museums, circus and a garden. Both hurried their way to the flower decorated gateway, it was a garden going through to an archeology show off. The ferns were growing over half of a ship life savers dingy boat.

Jacquimo turned away from the show off and showed her all the way to the other side. The garden on the other side was even more beautiful, “So that's what they mean that the grass is always greener on the other-side." He pointed to an old piece of wood, “A penny for your thoughts” a word hanging over a grave that had the looks of a crypt.

Elsa looked at him he had a coin around his neck, “So, what is your story behind that coin?”

“One morning I had awoken from a horrid dream of three old men attacking me with pitch forks-- like a dog. Ever since then I wear the Therianthropy symbol, that of a person who's soul is as wild as the rose, yet as protective as a bear. To believe in things that can't be impossible.”

“Like?”

“Meeting someone like you.”

He leaned in closer to Elsa, she swung her arms around his shoulders. A kiss...

Elsa opened her eyes and kissed him back. When he hugged her she felt like no one could destroy her day. The problem was she had to return to class one day, for now she'll steal the moment.

“This crypt is for those who made an impact in people's lives, actors who passed away even if their not buried here. I would like to make an impact in lives. The strength of one can bring the foes to their knees.” He looked at the coin around his neck, touching it like a goodluck charm.

“Your already impacting lives, you helped Mowgli and you helped me from dying a gruesome yet good smelling death.”

Jacquimo's smile was half, it was like he wasn't really believing he was making a world change.

“A depressing world often brings the future of good hope. One day you'll see just how much you've done.”

“How?”

“Sometimes it stares you right in the face, others reveal in strange and odd situations.”
Jacquimo looked at the tent's flap that was open, shrugging his head to follow. Elsa was at the back end where animals were all in cages. The white Bengal tiger, two lions and a few poodles jumping on balls. The mime was at the back, still not talking and waving his hands in the air. Elsa watched what the mime was doing, when Jacquimo whistled for her to follow. “You don't want to be seen here. I and my friends use to sneak this way in to watch the circus.”

The way he showed ended up in the watchers seating area, someone was walking around taking photos of couples. Elsa was about to stand up and walk thinking it was someone looking for tickets when she saw people giving things to him. “Don't worry, its just the front entrance's photo clown. The clown took a photo of them and held out his hand. Elsa greeted.
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The clown had a perot face paint, a sad clown yet his facial expression was that of give-me-money. The clown turned away and Elsa, “He's like a hawker”

“He knows me, he use to see me and my friends at this circus we never gave him anything, and when he swore at us, we took 'n video. Its really funny how he throws tantrums”

The lights went off and a spot light moved to the center of a round large ball. A man entered grabbing hold of the ball, moving it to the side, three little poodles in pink came all in a row. One jumping on the ball another pushing him, whilst the third jumped onto both's back like a frog and onto the front of them.

The dogs turned around and the same happened. The photo clown came into the stage area, dragging something big along with 5 other clowns. The tent's cover opened up like curtains and an air-balloon was being blown up.

“Well, that is new.”

A girl with orange curls came prancing in on a cart horse, large hooves and thick build. The girl had a earphone-microphone on and she was speaking while letting the horse canter. The speakers had a problem and the girl went on like nothing was wrong.

“That is Shoeshine, otherwise known as Merida. She is in your school.”

“Wow, she's lucky to be in this area.”

Four more people came out with their horses, one seemed as wild as the black beauty-brumby. IT was fidgeting and whining, kicking its rider off. It ran from one side of the circle stage to the other and finally it came to a stop where Elsa and Jacquimo was sitting. The horse bowed.

When Elsa looked behind the horse the rider had a whip out. Having not hit the black stallion, she touched its muzzle, it was listening to the sound of the rider's voice. Making tick tick sounds with his tongue. The horse turned away, waving its braided tail.

“The Highland couldn't compare to the complexity of such grace and tame animals.” She continued. “I've however never gone into the northern seashore.”

Jacquimo had a gleam in his eye, his smile brought a handsome look to him. His hair was a very dark brown, he seemed to have a very straight posture.

Merida the girl on her horse's microphone finally was fixed. “Sorry for the silence, we had technical difficulties, the horse “Chime” had apparently stomped on the only speaker-box's extension chord.” she waved at the other horse riders, “Sadly our time is up, due to the technical difficulties. The show will continue in an hours time”

Both stood up and left the way they came in, having no stamp to show. “Hey, come back.” screamed one of the entrance people. He immediately gave up mumbling, “Hoodlums!”

Jacquimo showed the way to the bus, the yellow arrow bus arrived right on time, “This is the last bus” He took Elsa's hand both of them went to the back of the bus again, being the only ones on the vehicle. They sat a foots distance from each other. Looking now and again at each other, until they started laughing.

“Are you staring?”

“You stared first.”

“It's a draw then.”

The time seemed to go faster as they passed the last graveyard. Entering the Mall on three O'clock. Elsa looked up the stairwell above them, the sharp blue light was moving.
“I've been meaning to ask, what is that blue light.”

“It's a shorted light.”

Fran waved at them, her mouth was agape, “I”m surprised you guys almost forgot about me.”

“Never” answered Jacquimo, “will you like to come with t the hostel”

“She going home?”

“No, she's staying until everything is safe.”

“Well, I'm still wondering what happened to your other room mate.”

“Lets say he has a rat for a roommate.”

Fran dug around her pockets and passed Jacquimo a cellphone, “Don't let dad see that I gave my old phone to you.”

“For sure.”

“Lets go then, the ticket I have is refundable.”

Each went down the stairwell. “I'll see you at the Farmen boy school. Just be sure to drive carefully.”

“Will do.”

Jacquimo swung his leg over the Harley-bike and Elsa put her helmet on, snapping it shut and grabbed hold of his torso. He looked kindly at Elsa, “No need to be afraid.” and he shut his helmet.

When the bike started driving, she had a look of fear of heights when they drove the snaking corners. She squinted and lowered her shoulder. “The grave” Jacquimo spoke. Having the helmet on she could hear what Jacquimo was saying.

“Wait, how can I hear over this bike's sound.”

“It's inserted mike and head piece. Works like a Walky-talky.”

“why didn't it work before?”

“I didn't turn it on or on the right channel.”

“Can you talk to someone else with that?”

“I think I could if I tweek it a bit.”

the school was closing in as they speeded down the last hill and finally coming to a stop at the garage. Elsa slowly pulled the helmet off, turning on the spot, “Oh my you gave me a fright.”

Fran was already at the hostel of the boys. “Well, how about a tour of the boy school?”
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The first entrance was a inside of a church, with mother Mary at the far distance by a church paino. The seats were all beautifully decorated in red soft sating material, by touch the seats were soft. Elsa sat down and breathed, “I feel at home here.”
“Why so?”

“Well I didn't know this place was catholic, and the windows” The windows had glass windows of different feelings of many things.

Jacquimo pointed to the first window, “That is the angel of death,” pointing to the three others, “The son, the holy ghost and mother Maria”

The church area had a four-way exits, “So this is where you all meet each other in the morning?”

“Yes, the trust in faith. Sometimes when someone doesn't trust themselves they will speak personally with him, about problems or sins.”

“So, there you two are.” Eric screamed waving his hands around, he was wearing a short pants and a pink long sleeved shirt. He waved his hair to the one side. “I thought you guys were gone for good.”

“We were at the Sneak-Peak....”

“Oh the circus, what happened, the circus is usually 5 hours.”

“Technical difficulties.”

“Well, that sucks”

Mowgli had finally wore real school clothes, “I'm never drinking again....”

“Lair...” The Beast knew he was going to do it again, “the next time there is no escape from the solitary”

“In the girl school, they throw coins into the fountain with a certain number, to get rid of the burdens that bother you.”

“It must be someone who doesn't have any religion that does that”

“Well, she doesn't really have friends, the first time I saw her she was throwing three coins into the fountain.” she breathed, “And then after almost being attacked by a man who gets to our schoolyard through the sewers, two girls were the only one who rescued me. Now you too”

“Sounds like your her hero.” Giggled Eric

The Beast shoved Eric, “Don't mind him, Sarah always find a way to make people feel uncomfortable around each other.”

Moses came walking into the church area, quickly turning. He was trying to hide something. “Hey, Moses. Why the hurry?”

Moses's eyes were red, his skin were an ice cold white. He sniffed the air, that of burning essence, “I have some work to do.”

Jacquimo walked over to Moses, “I know something must be wrong if you look so paper white. Have you eaten anything?”

Moses nodded, “I've been found out... Did you have to do with it?”

“No, I've been away for hours with Elsa”

Fran looked furiously at Jacquimo, “What happened now?”

Jacquimo spoke, “Well, he's been sleeping with the cafe singer, Tiana”

“We were at the Milkylane...”

Moses threw himself at Jacquimo, pushing him down into the floor. Squishing the side of his face to the coldness. Elsa and Fran was pulling on either sides of the fight. Elsa then kicked “he did nothing.”

Moses was tossed to the altar in a floppy way, Elsa walked over to Moses, “I think he needs a doctor.” Jacquimo looked down at Moses, “He needs a proper doctor, something must be going on. We need to investigate if anyone is being drugged.”

Elsa's eyes were big and teary, though she didn't shed a tear, “What sadness and anger. Someone must know about the stalker in the girl school and the pale faces in the boy school.”
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 5:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello everyone! how are you all?? My story is still up and ready to be read.
So far what happened:
Elsa and Anna as sisters, came to a new school, after running from a murderous lesbian, Elsa is met by three boys whom seemed to be looking for a drunk boy, when Elsa tripped over the drunkard they took her to their school. Jacquimo and Elsa started falling in love, with the trouble that would follow if she ever returns to the girl school.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 7:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jacquimo touched his brow looking at the scratch Moses gave him. Elsa ambled closer to the altar, white dust particles were on his cuffs and colourful lines were rubbed off on his neck collar.

“Something is odd,” Elsa bent down to see Moses limp and not moving. “Jacquimo, this boy is not breathing.”

Jacquimo walked closer and touched Moses’s neck, “A faint heartbeat, something tells me Moses must have been a diabetic or an asthmatic. Maybe I shouldn’t have locked him out that first day you were here.”

“Are you going to call the doctor?” Asked Fran, taking Jacquimo’s arm, “He is going to be alright? Right?”

A guy who was dressed in overalls came rushing in, looking at them as to say “your-guilty”, “What happened?”

Jacquimo, “He looked pale and started attacking me, he’s ok, he’s just unconscious right?” Jacquimo looked fearful of his roommate being in such a state, something made Elsa think, that Jacquimo will be next.

The janitor looking guy answered his phone, motioning for Elsa to walk closer, “It’s for you. She says it is an emergency”

Elsa took the phone, “H-Hello.”

Elsa put the phone down and outburst with tears, “My sister Anna was looking for me, she got stabbed by a maniac. I should have taken her with.”

“but how could you, without having to get hurt yourself.”

“someone must have told that she was my sister, that stranger who resides in the sewers got away.”

“Two people who seem to target you and those you love.” Jacquimo took Elsa’s hand and pulled her away from a cradle position, “I’ll be here for you and your sister. Those who hurt anyone who I know, will find their just deserts.”

Fran took a deep breath, “we have to check the school hospital.”

“Why there?” asked jacquimo

“She has a great idea, someone must have been stealing drugs.”

Jacquimo, Fran and Elsa passed by the janitor, rushing down the hall toward the hospital ward. The walls were a dull grey and the corridors leading to a rickety door.

Jacquimo took Elsa’s hand and held it tightly. “I’m here for you two”

Fran took hold of jacquimo’s hand aswell, and then she opened the ward door.

“This door looks so scary…”

“The hospital was for solitary prisoners. And they say a guy named “tramp” died in the bed. “

“Must be scary getting hurt and to stay in that area.” Elsa breathed in air and walked to the center of the ward, the paintings of old people who seemed to be possibly dead.
She ran her hand across one painting of a lady with ash white hair. “1780”

A ward nurse rushed toward them, “You are not wanted here, go away!”

Elsa pushed her hands out and held the lady to her ground, “What are you doing? We need to see something.”

Elsa looked over the nurses shoulder, “Anna!” running the nurse over, Anna was sleeping with a bandage at her arm. “What are you doing here? I thought you were at the girl school.”

Anna opened her eyes with a warm look, “I followed the trail of feet, I told the nurse to tell you I got hurt.”

“Oh, so she was the one who called the janitor… but how did she know I was back.”
“Back? You were here before?” Anna breathed with a hick in it.

The nurse ushered them to sit, “Your sister has a strong toxin drink in her and her wound has a grimy cover over the stabbed area.”

“could it be from a sewer?” asked Elsa

“I should say a sewer would be the best possible choice.” Answered the nurse.

“Is there any drugs missing?” intruded Jacquimo to the point.

Chapter 3: Druglords


“Well, there has been a few missing bottles of morphine and two Epileptic medications.”

“Why would someone take those? Unless…one or more are under lots of stress and pain?”

“I would suggest going home, snooping about would only take you to the solitary.”

“Anna, I’ll stay here until your better! Ok” she gripped her sister’s hand. Jacquimo took Elsa by the shoulders and carefully took her out the hospital wing.

Before the door closed Elsa screamed, “I’ll see you soon!”

Elsa followed Jacquimo with her head bowed low and her feelings all in her throat. The school students of the boy school were out on the rugby area. Jacquimo motioned Elsa and his sister to sit down. Eric which had his odd clothing sat a stair away from them, with a very odd machine in his hands.

Elsa scooted closer to Jacquimo and leaned her head against his shoulder. Jacquimo looked innocent in his eyes, shy and yet even when his heart jumped out his chest, he took the chance to kiss Elsa.

Her eyes were closed and she kissed him back. His sister looked away into the sky ignoring and giving them some personal space.

Elsa breathed in his cologne, relaxed and held him tight. Her head over his shoulder two tears ran down her cheeks. He wiped away the tears and kissed her crown. Snuggling in the outside coldness with the heat of only their caress.


Fran stood up grabbed Eric and pulled him away from Elsa and Jacquimo.

Wrapped around each other with Jacquimo’s jacket over both. Elsa and Jacquimo started a conversation – very nostalgic. “I wasn’t the only one who lost someone I never spoke to because of my pride”

“Who was it?”

“I lost my mother.” Breath “even after I was so immersed in my own and having a hard nature, I didn’t know. She was slowly dying.”

“You ever get to say goodbye”

“Yes, but there was soo much to say”

Ring, ring, Fran’s phone started ringing, she turned on the speaker-feature.

“Jacquimo where have you been? You haven’t sent your recent tasks and research to the school. Is your sister there?”

“I’m here dad, you called me, not him.”

“I have to say I’m disappointed in you Fran, I need the whole story. Now!”

Jacquimo took Elsa by the hands and carried her whilst sleeping in his arms. “I’ll have to let Fran take care of you, you’ll be sleeping in her flat. Ok?”

Elsa mumbled, “yeah….”

Fran put Elsa in her little red car, Jacquimo took the last time on Elsa’s hand and kissed it, “I’ll see you soon. I’ll send your sister to Fran’s house when she’s better.”

“Nighty night Jacquimo, take care.” Fran waved.

Elsa breathed against the cold window, staring into the sky as it started to turn dark. “You know Fran, your brother is quite a item and he has much respect to give.”

“Yes, he’s a sweet soul.” Fran changed gears and started driving out to the grave site. Taking a sharp turn down a main concrete road, A little white marbled in-turn to a garage. The house was little and looked homey.

Elsa slowly climbed out the car and Fran pulled her car into the garage. Elsa followed Fran into the house, electronic build-up, a lot of electronic things, like computers, excersise machines and lots of books in a cupboard and overflowing into the floor.

“What job you have?”

“I am an accountant.”

“So your uncle, how long he been a dean?”

“15 years and he has been supporting my dad with the loss of our mother.”

“You ever know he feels badly about ignoring your mother?”

“yes, he never again ignored anyone, he became straight forward, honest and loyal.”

“I think we better take a good eye on him, since Moses got buggered over, I think there needs to be security, I have a feeling he will be next… And I’m worried.”

“He’ll be alright, he’s a big boy. He knows what he’s doing.”

“You want some cup of caffeine?”

“Yes, please.”

Fran put two cups on the table and started spooning in the sugar and coffee. Pouring the water like she was a trained bartender. She slid over the cup and Elsa relaxed. “This was quite a day. Thank you.”

“Well, how was the fair for you?”

“It was great and I learned a lot, your brother told me, he wants to make a difference in people’s life.”

“yes, he does and he is very spiritual, he’s already met you and you’re a good influence so far I know.”
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Last edited by Kisses on Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:29 am; edited 10 times in total
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Please read my story
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 7:45 am    Post subject: Linear story in SG section Reply with quote

Hi Kisses. I read the first chapter to give it a try but it doesn't look like my cup of tea. You've got a lot of character development going on, which is great, and I'm starting to get immersed, but I feel like I'm getting too caught up in the details. I like my stories a little more pulpy and not quite so social.

You might try summarizing the narrative a little more to get to the good stuff faster and to help the reader understand the big picture of the story. You also need a better hook for your story. Your narrative starts with a cafeteria lady scooping mundane food and then describe how many tables and chairs are in the room. It's not very gripping.

If you want readers, you need to tell them up front what's interesting about your story and why they should continue reading. I recommend re-writing the first paragraph at least.

This looks like a linear story by the way. If the story is going to be in this section, it needs decision points and polls.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Kisses!

I'd have to reiterate everything lebby mentioned. I also think its a good idea to keep the entire first chapter to just one post. I'm not quite sure, but last time I was around I don't think there was any word limit.

Also, I'm going to suggest to try and keep your chapters short, perhaps a maximum of 1500-2000 words. Really long chapters can get quite intimidating to sit through.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tbh, the length is very intimidating. I saw "3 Chapters" in the title and thought I'd get to it right away but this was kind of a shock So needless to say, what Vish and Lebby said is plain true.

I'll try to catch up on this in a while, but it'd be much better if the chapters were not split over multiple posts and kept relatively shorter.

Happy writing! Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all! I'll edit it as soon as possible and I noticed I didn't put in the newest start of the story in the first post of the start. I am editing it, but I need your attention very much, because I will be editing and adding etc. I would like to publish this story.
WHY SHOULD YOU READ THIS:
You will gain a relationship with the main character and not only that but you'll find even if there is much rules in their school, there is action and evil which forces our character into a large world filled with troubles and ways to fix it. A drug dealer has been poisoning the characters in the story. Thus there is the plot after learning about the school the plot will be revealed.

Thank you!
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

EDIT: I have edited it, and the first post at the top explains why to read it.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fran pushed a sofa to the corner away from the open windows and smiled: “You can sleep here.” She flipped the sofa open and it turned into a sleeping bed.

”Thank you.” Elsa smiled, “I guess I’ll have to return home soon.”

“Where? Back to the danger?” Fran tilted her head to the side. “You and your sister are welcome to stay here.”

“Well, so long as we don’t impose.”

“Never, it’s the most excitement I’ve ever had.”

“Must be very quiet for you here?”

“Yes, but that’s what is nice if you want to stare at the stars” she picked up a firelighter, “Want something to eat?”

“Yes please, I’ll help”

“Wonderful, to fire up some.”

“So were you ever in the girl school?”

“Yes, seven years ago.”

“Must be nice when you left that school.”

“Yes, but their rules weren’t that hard… like the present time.”

Fran walked out, throwing some wood into an old half cut trash can. She pulled a grit over the canister. Lighting wood that was already there. “So, you want to tell me anything?”

Elsa sat down on the stairs close to the outside sliding-door. “I don’t know, what you want to know?”

“Do you like my brother?”

“Yes, I do. Very much.”

“I know you are a primary student one year close to highschool position.”

“Well it must be obvious because I barely got all my female….” Elsa turned her head at a shadow coming around the corner. “err…” She jumped up and Fran did nothing.

An old man with a stick in his hand, his eyes had black rings under his eyes. A very thin body structure and he was strolling with a hand on his back. His one foot was dragging a bit like he had recent surgery.

“Relax its just the landlord, he usually hates me not telling him when I make a fire.”

“You're really turning our rules.” The old man tapped a stick at the canister, “I almost thought you burned down the house because of our last scrabble.”

“Ah, well nothing is wrong, bye Lou.”
Lou nodded and waddled off and Fran smiled, putting a cigarette in the corner of her mouth. “He’s always so prissy.”
Elsa laughed.

Fran skipped off and dragged a large speaker outside and with a few turns music blasted out. A song which had strange jazz music and humming.

“Where you get this music, never heard any of that sort before”

“Well I am also part-time band artist, I wrote the songs. You like to come along one day?”

“Sounds awesome! Where are you going next?”

“An amateur-song-artist-group visit two days away from here”

A ambulance sound started blasting out the speaker, and it started hissing like a walkie-talkie. Fran kicked the speaker, “This thing always picks up the police channel."

Elsa touched Fran’s shoulder and with silence a voice of a police officer as soft as it was said “Murderer apprehended.” Elsa crouched down and put her ear to the speaker to hear everything better. Boom, the music started again. Fran held her hand in front her mouth to hide her smile.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm waiting for your replies. I know I'm writing a bit fast for your tastes. But if I do stop I'll get writers block. And I did fix the spelling. Wink
I put some of my feeling in this story..... *wink*
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:05 am    Post subject: Hook is better, who's talking? Reply with quote

Hey Kisses! Wanted to jump on and say that your edits to the beginning of the story look great. The synopsis helps us understand the kind of story we're getting into, and the introduction is more interesting. I can feel the rude awakening and being cast out into the cold that the characters would be feeling. I have a sense of being intimidated, which you might try emphasizing (maybe commenting on the immensity of the school or that all of the windows are shuttered or something), unless that isn't the impression you want to give.

Unfortunately, I'm getting lost pretty quick. Who opened the door? Who said, "This school is a highly chosen school"? Who replied? You're letting us guess who is talking too much, and we seem to be shifting from person to person and location to location without warning. We're in the cab for a moment, then we're at the door, then we're in the cafeteria. A few indications of who is doing what would help a lot.

For instance, this incomplete sentence:

Quote:
Shaking the two girls roughly and suddenly tossing their bags out.


Could easily be:
The driver shook the two girls roughly and suddenly tossed their bags out.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah I noticed I was rather vague in the parts after the taxi. It did bother me. ^_^ and thank you for that comment. I'll fix the start immediately and everything else that might not make sense to me now- since I started about 8 months ago on this story. I am giving the idea of being intimidated and to feel awkward in a strange place and a cold area. And having the feeling of separation, sadness and also maybe something that will turn the characters hard hearted and soon softies.... Razz
I'll edit the start quickly before you read any-further, I don't want to lose anyone.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First chapter has been edited and added some this and that.
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello all readers, I've got more drama for the story..... and drama it is, something teenagers and young adults can relate to.... Please read and inform me of anything that is too fast paced or unbearable to read. since the next piece of drug-lords will be a heart puller
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2014 5:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bump! Hello I"m still going to write, any readers wanting to throw their critz?
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“Whoa, my head…” Elsa rubbed her cheek and took a breath. “I have to ask, when is your tour?”

”In two days, for 10 days long”

“Will Jacquimo join?”

“I could twist my uncle’s arm.”

”Wonderful! I have to see my sister to see if she is ok tomorrow.”

Fran started digging in a small pouch, dragging an Ipad out. She tapped a few numbers and a ringing started, She kicked the stereo and suddenly Jacquimo’s voice boomed over the speaker.

“Hey, You got me on the speaker again?” Sounded Jacquimo’s voice.

”Yes, I want to tell you, two days, me, you and Elsa.”

”What?”

“I’m taking you to the band party.” Laughed Fran.

“That’s great. I’m actually with uncle now.”

“What he saying.”

“He says that the events that lead Elsa to here, must be something to do with their history, who would target these new girls?”

Fran’s eye twitched, “Really? Well you’re coming with us. She needs the breather…”

“Uncle says…. Yea.”

“That’s great. Bye Bro.”

Fran motioned Elsa to follow, Taking her up the stairs. The room however wasn’t filled with electronics like the other rooms, however it looked like an old room, since the walls were peeling.

A picture of an old lady was on the wall. Elsa opened the wardrobe and saw old furry clothes made for old people. Doilies and a foot massager.

”Who lived here.”

“Well, that was a long time ago.”

Elsa wiped her tears away, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a bother…Your brother is the sweetest.”

Fran looked Elsa up and down, “Ill get you clothes from my little flat mate.”

“little, why that?”

“Her name is Snow.”

“Wait, she in my girl school?”

“Martha school?” she continued, “Yes. You know her. Her brother is my main drummer. It was the rules, let his sis live here for him to not worry too much.”

“I defended her… She has a lot of trouble from Aesly. She ever tell you?”

“No, but I have been hearing her cry at night. I just didn’t know she was being bullied.”

A screeching of a bus came to the stop outside the room window. Little Snow hopped out and followed to the door, she seemed to be filled with mud, head to toe.

“Oh no, now that is it!” Fran screamed.

Elsa and Fran dashed out the house, jumping over obstacles. Elsa put her hand on Snow’s shoulder. It seemed to be bruised. “What happened.”

“Oh, hi Elsa. I just slipped, there was a flood at the grounds, something was blocking the sewers.” Snow looked left. She was lying.

“Your lying aren’t you, I hear you cry at night.”

“Yea, well, I can’t do anything about it. I’m ruined….” Snow’s eyes teared up.

”Ruined, how ruined?”

“You know I have a X chromosome, well now I’m being bullied because they expect me to get a body guard to protect me…”

“I don’t understand?” Elsa quizzically asked, biting her lip

“Well, since you stood up, they think I’m the punching bag.”

”Them, who?” Elsa frowned a ugly frown

”Aesly and Rapunsel.”
“Ugh, the Scissor sister’s main group members.”

“Scissor Sisters, like Lesbians?”

“Must be horrid for you. Their nasty..”

The three of them walked into the house. Sitting down in a circle. “You know, lets make a promise for each.”

Snow smiled, “Ok, you start Fran.”

Fran spoke, “I promise to be your two’s soul to console to.”

Elsa spoke, “I promise to stand up for you two, even if it means I will burn or be scorched.”

Snow spoke, taking out a pendulum, “I promise Ill tell the truth to only you two.”

Elsa, Fran and Snow put their hands on each. In a triangle they held their hands on the pendulum. “Promise, to speak the truth, console and also protect.”

The pendulum started spinning slowly. They looked at each others eyes, honest even if their hurt.

Snow jumped up, “I’m suggesting we sleep here tonight, under the red moon.”

“The red moon?”

“Yes, the red moon, its tonight.”

Quickly as they could they dragged off the blow-up beds and settled them outside. Sitting with chips, snacks and drinks. All staring as the moon rose as slow as a leaky tap. The moon was a orange colour instead of a red colour.

”They say it’s the sea that makes it change colour.”

“Are you sure?” Asked fran to Snow

“Well, ok, Anyway, I like that star there.” Elsa pointed to the most shining star.

“That’s Venus.”

Snow giggled, “Girls are from Venus , boys are from your anus….”

“Haha, stop it, not all guys are from the backside of a camel.”

Snow smiled for the first time, Elsa smiled back , like a illness they three started laughing.


No one heard the wind blow like it did tonight, a wailing which mirrored the fright with the fire, elongating the shadows of all three. A knocking on a window made Elsa look fearfully behind her.

It seemed to be a black little owl which had pushed up against the window. A broken wing and eddying around in one section – aiming for the light. It was odd, because owls were fond of darkness. Fran took off her jacket and as it scrambled around, she wrapped him in the jacket. It had only a little fluff.

”Aw… poor thing.” Said Snow.

The phone started ringing in Fran’s pocket. Fran almost choked from the news. “We have to visit the boy school and immediately take you back. Or your step father will be taking you back into the academy.”

“Were still going to the band aren’t we?” Elsa stammered

“Band?” asked Snow, “Oh, yeah, my brothers solo too.”

Fran grabbing her purse on a old time hook near the outer door. She Motioned them to follow. Snow yawned and yet with her face, she tried looking concerned and not obviously tired of the day.

”I didn’t even get to wash…” Snow awed

Elsa laughed, “We will hose you down once we get to the boy school and Martha girl school.”

"your going to wash me twice?"

"Yeah, you might get sick from this mud"

To Elsa it seemed that she couldn’t see herself as a Hero, even if it is tough. To face the truth that they all were in danger. “So we are fetching my sister and going to that school. Was there anything else?”

“Yes, you need to explain everything to them.” Said Fran

After the trip to the boy school, they arrived at the Martha girl school, seeing the Dean tapping his pointy shoes. With a ruler that looked like her house mother’s light ruler. The memories of all the trouble rushing into her system. A electric feeling of sadness and wonderment.

“Ok, Ill start from the beginning….” Elsa breathed infront of the Dean of Martha girl school—called Saltin. She told him of how frightened and horrible it was for her. And the rules that sped her into the wrong side of the teacher Naira.

“I need to know, why you were so early in the showers on the first day, and lost your rule book too.”

“Sir,” she gulped, a frog in her throat. “I’m not a normal girl…”

“And that means?”

Elsa looked at her sister slumped in a chair with a large bandage over her arm. “I- sir, not just a girl.” Anna had the little black owl on her lap, it seemed to like her.

“Make it clearer please.” Asked the saltin concerned

“I am a transexaul! Female and male! A bloody no-gendered freak”

The dean, was taken aback by her shouting, but he did know he was fishing the wrong questions, he changed the topic, “So Aesly tried killing you?”

Elsa looked at her sister once again, she was asleep, “Yes, sir.”

“It turns out that your sister was attacked and Moses was drugged just like Aesly. Only Aesly was someone who physically and on purpose taking the drugs.”

”It turned out- When –Aesly was chasing you, she wasn’t spraying perfume, she was inhaling it…” Breathed Anna, moving her bottom on the chair to settle easily

“So it means she was drugging herself with a perfume drug?”

The dean nodded and waved Repunsel into the room. A room that was decorated in strong wooden tables and two eagles’ claws entwined. With a little mahogany box on his table. Repunsel bowed her head with an ashamed look.

Repunsel mumbled,breathed and spoke, “I didn’t mean to… she made me.”

“Made you?” Elsa gasped, “You wanted to.”

“The drug gave me a rush, I might have looked normal, but for the past 3 days I had been having the most aweful head aches” repunsel pushed her hand to her head. And with a little gap between her mouth, she tried talking. Instead of speaking, her nose started bleeding, “This is the bad points, it ruins and dries. I can’t even cry a tear.”

“Because you are stoned.” Elsa pointed out to her dilated eyes.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 4: Perfume for the rich, coals for the snitch

All hundred-and-sixty-two students were gathering in the cafeteria. Elsa was holding her sister under one shoulder, it felt like her sister would limply fall and she’d be blamed. All the eyes staring at her made her breath shallow.

An old man with grey hair was bowing to the teachers, teachers being all on the stage side. “Dad. Please do not take us away.” Cried Aesly, sobbing and holding her hands to her heart.

“Us?” Her dad pulled her by the arm, “Us? You are more stoned than being reasonable and to accept your wrong doings.”

Aesly’s dad continued whilst frowning at his daughter.

”You don’t have a golden heart, your heart is stoned by those who taught you wrong, since manners come from the house, I am banning you to clean up duty of each you toyed with.”

Aesly glanced at Elsa and Anna, she cringed and turned away with eyes closed. It seemed Aesly might know more than she was spilling.

Meriweather shuffled her way to Elsa. Handing her some new handmade clothes, soft and as nice as they looked , she putt the clothes over Elsa’s open shoulder. “Deary, beauty is often the enemy of jelousy,” She patted Elsa’s cheek with a warm smile. “What did she mean?” Elsa wondered.
A little paper fell from the clothes, she left her sister to stand a bit, reading: “Well, findme tonight at the gardens at the forget-me-nots.”

Elsa took hold of Anna’s hand, “Your birthday is soon….”

“Yeah…”

“What you want?”

“Home.”

“wait why?”

“I asked dad.”

“Please stay.”

“I’ll stay if nothing goes wrong.”

“Something tells me a clown wouldn’t cheer you up?”

Elsa let Anna sit for a little while in the cafeteria. The cafeteria lady walked up to Elsa, “I’m Clarian. Here is something to eat.”

Elsa nodded, “Can you put it into a doggy bag for me…. I need to do something.”

Clarian smiled, “Ofcourse hun.”

The dean stomped his way to Elsa, “Ill show you to your little flat, everything is there you’d need. Water too.”

It sounded strange that she’d live alone, but it was maybe for the best. She had to protect herself somehow. She had to get some mace.



The little house had its own little Big Ben, a well and the house wood had a strange “age” to it. It was still dark and Elsa was very tired. She opened the creaky door, “Well at the least I’d know if someone is walking in.”

Clarian dropped the doggy-bag filled with food behind Elsa at the open door, for some reason she was rather afraid of going in as Elsa noticed. The dean did the very same, dropping something next to her food and just walking off.

Walking the creaky floorboards- a sound of birds reverberated off the walls. Sitting down on a very soft bed and the trouble was mosquitoes were attacking her. Slapping the bugs and with irritation started rummaging through the drawers. A clonking sound and a broom fell. Taking the broom she moved it side to side to get spider webs to go away.

No matter how the mosquitoes were bothering her she was starting to clean the little house. She made little attempts at jumping to clean. All she could see was little blood splats from the bugs. She stretched her arms out and walked out. A moon was rising, a full one. She took the doggy-bag and the other bag to see what is in it.

In the Doggy-bag was chicken strips and rice. In the other was the house keys and a book to read. The book was written by someone called, “Lady” Elsa breathed and opened the book.


It all started with my first day of school, I had fallen in love with the dysfunctional life of this school and the problems were a thing of the past. I had found a guy whom I can’t stop to come by. I found that he and I were of different personalities, but that was why I loved it.
Day23
I’m sick and I’ve recently been working at the library, tramp my tramp, ended up in the solitary of the boy school. He’d been very sick and somehow his mind became twisted. A twist in which my heart grew cold and his- his… I won’t know what is wrong with him. Each day I smell a girly perfume on him. He must be cheating on me. Was I ever his girl friend.
Day30
I finally feel sick to my stomach, Tramp. Your not here today and I can’t see myself as a lonely girl. I am speeding into depression. And you your probably enjoying yourself.
Day31
I am hurt, a feeling of pride being taken from me. I can’t stand it anymore.


Elsa slapped the book closed and put it on the side table, climbed into bed and fell asleep with all the clothes lying everywhere. Leaving the door unknowingly open.

Elsa woke up in a sweat even if a little breeze was coming in from her ajar room door. Slumping down the bed, she locked the door. Turning on the balls of her feet and rubbing her eyes. She washed her face with a very cold water to wake-up. Wiping her eyes she started the shower. Climbing into the heat, “God this is good.” She didn’t know when she last showered.

She stood in the shower of water, breathing in the vapour of the steam. Her eyes blinked and she didn’t know showers could smell so nice. A perfume, “Perfume?” Elsa immediately ran out of the shower, she felt light headed and ran over to the book she read. "… I won’t know what is wrong with him. Each day I smell a girly perfume on him. He must be cheating on me. Was I ever his girl friend."

Elsa dug into the drawers, digging and huffing. Throwing the things in the air. Coming to a cellphone she jabbed at the numbers, the only number she knew, her sister, even if she wished to contact Jacquimo. “Anna, pick up!” A light smoke came from the ajar door. Dropping the phone she ran out. The second floor was on fire. Elsa screamed at the top of her lungs, “Anna! She can’t be!”

Elsa ran out, stumbling and scraping her knees. Her tears made her braver than she thought. She abruptly stopped at the entrance. Biting her lip she pulled her jacket over her face. Dodging into the open door. A shallow breath fell over her, Muffled voice, “Anna…. Aaannnaa”

Someone grabbed her with a cigarette in his hand. Elsa smacked him in the face; the man had a snare lip as Elsa gave the last slap. He pushed her against the wall and pulled her arms above her. He leaned forward and his teeth were a yellow stain. Elsa shut her eyes and tried in a cycling motion to kick him. Elsa’s eyes started burning and her feeling was numb.

She was being lifted from the floor…… Elsa woke up at the drawers, everything had been thrown out, she must have fainted and imagined the fire. But why do I dream about this guy? Elsa crawled to the door and pulled herself up. The shower still had a perfume smell. And the book she read was on the bed with one torn out paper.

It was midnight, she had to go find Meriweather. “At the forget-me-nots”

The only ones were at the fountain. She looked at the paper in her pocket, turning it around she saw the paper was torn from the book she read. Only it was a thanking letter.

She shut the front door and locking it. She then exited the back door that had a little rooftop, staring into the horror she didn’t expect to see. A road which lead down a rocky path and splitting in two ways. And a little graveyard at the pebble stones leading to a large amount of gravestones. The other road had one a well and the other to the school not far from the fountain.

Suddenly the mini Big Ben started gonging. She ran off, hop scotching as frightened as she was. Having to rely on her gut and a fear of being pushed into a corner. That dream was odd… she had to talk to her friends, the only ones who were around in this school. Sophia and Winnie…


Last edited by Kisses on Sun Oct 19, 2014 10:43 pm; edited 9 times in total
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi, sorry for the confusion, she's a hemaphrodite Elsa, not a Transsexaul. Have you ever seen the film of the girl who thought she had ovaries, now she looks like a girl, with no breasts and she doesn't have any manly features. Only on teh inside her ovaries are different
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Andolyn
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Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 9:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello there!

I read the first part of Chapter 1. I think Lebby is right. This is much more a Linear tale than a story game.

The massive list of characters before the actual story was what's called "Information Overload". Your readers won't remember everything about all the characters. It's more interesting to learn as you go. Describe your characters as you encounter them. You're on the right track discussing the feelings of the characters when they first arrive at school, but I had a really hard time following you. There are so many characters and so much going on that it's hard to grasp where the story is going at all. Since you listed the characters' traits in the very beginning, you wrote as though we knew who they were, but we don't yet. You have to build a character through actions, not just list their attributes and expect the reader to remember everything. Maybe try focusing on one or two characters being introduced at a time. This way, the readers get to slowly take in who that person is and get to know them. Your story will look much more streamlined and less chaotic while at the same time, we get to know your characters like you do.

I'd say with some polishing, this story could be very interesting. Keep it up!
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello, I've edited the first chapter. If you have time I've edited it a lot more. I guess its better then the first draft. Thank you for helping me.
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2014 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BUMP! read please. I am a bit happier how the story is
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK EVERYONE: NOTICE:

So I've chosen my publisher and my editor. I need to perfect the first 3 chapters and the rest of the world. So the Vice chairman will be happy to edit my story manuscript once I send it to her and to get a quote.
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2015 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

… first had to see what Meri wanted.
Elsa ran off to the garden, her naked feet digging into the wet floor close to the forget me nots. The moon was in a scycle form, her feeling were very vexed and confusing. Meriweathers shillouhette stretched over the little light there was under the street lamp.
"Meri, why did you ask me to meet you here at this time?"

Meriweather glanced at the school and started talking in a monotone voice, "This school, a longtime ago the little house you were living in, was a hospital wing for those who got cholera, the little poeple... didn't make it. In which the last one who died-- called Lady, made a promise..."

"what promise?" Elsa's eyes were sore and dry she couldnt even shed a tear.
"Lady was the first and last one to research this school- to find the druglords. three months of looking into that problem, she was found -- very much not alive"

she continued, "Now we all are in danger. A danger that targets young nosey girls. I would suggest, keeping your enemies close, but your friends closer, they might be the only ones to save you."

"How do you know this?"

"Lady was known as the library teacher when I was a young one, then I moved away after hearing of the cholera outbreak."

"But...."

"But?"

"That would mean your a hundred years old?"

A glint in Meri's eyes showed she was hiding alot more, that expression was not surprised, nor moved by what Elsa said. Meri turned....

A cold shivver went down Elsa's spine, looking up she watched as Meriweather walked off. "Well, now I know why your so crazy...." thinking, "I will keep you close... " glaring at how the teacher disapeared into the night.

Elsa as cold as she was -- made her curl into a ball. Under the light, "Yeah, People need light in their life. A hug, a kiss, a will.... to give up? Ha! Give up? how can I? I am stuck in this twist."

She looked in her pockets, finding nothing of interest. Standing up she pushed up off the floor and went back to her room. The road to her little flat was cobble stoned. The stars were out and not many people were around.

She grabbed her bags shoved them next to the shower, smelling around, the smell was gone. As quick as she could she took a cloth and wiped the ground from her naked feet.

She moved briskly to her sister's ward room. Entering the room she sat down looking at her sisters chest moving. "She was so oblivious to what is happening" Elsa thought.

The windows were all open and it seemed all cosy....

"Elsa, I see your awake....." Anna looked at Elsa, "your eyes are red..."
"its only dry eyes. "
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I need writer feedback
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