Search      Members      Groups      Profile      Favorites      RSS      Register      Log in
Trailing Turquoise SG (Updated Version In Linear Lane Soon)
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
 
(currently a favorite of 8 users)
   Storygames Home -> The Fantasy Forest - Fantasy Storygames -> Storygames: Fantasy
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Author Message
kkdestiny
Mayor



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Topics: 56
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Items
Legends
7049 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Heya! Finally got to listening to the audio option! you've got a good voice,and I think a good grasp at dialogue too.

It's up to you what to do now, but I'd definitely actually use the audio option sometimes if you keep offering it.

I guess foxboy can tell her who he is...I mean...he seems to know her or have recognised her before.
_________________
I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Adryrn
Tourist



Joined: 16 Sep 2015
Topics: 0
Posts: 22


Items
Legends
279 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm. Elona's a pretty cool customer. I wonder what it would take from Sionn to get her to loose that cool >D.

Anyway, just because she said he can't come WITH HER doesn't mean he can't be in the forest. Annnnd the forest seems like a pretty expectable place for a fox to hang out. So it seems reasonable for him to let her go for now and follow from a distance (or enter the forest at a different point from Elona and try to find her from there.) If he's not feeling too wounded by her rejection, at least.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Seraphi
General Fiction Mod



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Topics: 2
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Items
Legends
5512 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 5:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter, Noni. LOVE the addition of the audio - you did well, good inflection especially during the dialogue. If you're up for it, I think it would be totally awesome if we got to hear another recording for a future chapter :3

Sionn doesn't seem like someone who gives up easily. I think he could find an argument that would convince Elona that he be allowed to tag along (Maybe he offers to help? As a fox he must have some sort of hunting instincts, haha.) And even if she doesn't accept I can see him following her anyway. As Elona herself pointed out, he stayed at the inn despite potential capture by his pursuers so I doubt her saying no will deter him.
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
themightyzan
Resident



Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Items
Legends
1150 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love!

I think he should just... invite himself? Like even though she said alone he could tell her he doesn't mind tagging along.

Like reverse psychology! ^.^
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
misterbiz
Horror Mod



Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Topics: 50
Posts: 461
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Items
Legends
2874 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I dug it. I especially liked the audio to go along with it as that is how I read normally.

I think he should try to sell her on some foxy characteristics. Hunting, tracking, sense of smell. Something. Even if its not true, such an offer would be best for a hunter.

so Yes. Sell himself as an excellent hunting companion.
_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Sapphire_Rayne
Resident



Joined: 17 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 38


Items
Legends
758 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked having the audio as an option as I'm one of those people who like to read along as it's being told. Plus it gives a slight idea to what Elona and Sionn sound like! Sionn is adorable by the way, just want to steal him away! Just steal him and keep him.

I love the chapter, and especially loved their interaction! The dialogue was great, and I really liked the flow of the sentences. As for what Sionn should do, well I'd say convince her that he could help, like biz said. He has to have some qualities to offer that would help. And even if he didn't. . it's not like she knows!

If that doesn't work then just tag along anyways. It might not be the best of ideas with how Elona had said alone though.

Can't wait for the new chapter!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Putting the poll up! C'mon and vote, people! And... phantoms... and fairies... erm.... C'mon and vote, Ifians! I'm going to leave it up for three days, so that I can be writing this weekend. Get a voting~!
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Phantomfan
Citizen



Joined: 01 May 2008
Topics: 7
Posts: 309
Location: Deep within the music of the night

Items
Legends
2507 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2015 11:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just wanted to let you know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the recording. It makes it much easier for me (being the stupidly busy being that I am) to catch up to stories that I like because I have no excuse so if you don't mind, I'd love it if you kept it up.

Not to mention that you did an excellent job with the recording- voice was solid, everything was audible, yay. (As a vocal instructor I have some small suggestions if you want to talk recording but otherwise you rocked it)

Anywhozle that's thoughts, sorry I couldn't get here for the suggestions but I have voted. Very Happy
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...

Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2015 5:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad to hear people are enjoying the recording! I'll do my best to keep up with it, though there might be times the recording goes up after the chapter. Im also going to get around to recording the first two chapters. Also, I'll probably take you up on that advice offer Phan. I pretty much went into this with zero instruction.

Just a reminder that the poll is set to close sometime tomorrow. Get voting, people!
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)


Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:21 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alrighty guys, closing the poll. Just a heads up, my laptop is gonna be out getting looked at and I'll be borrowing the beaus. This means that while the chapter may go up, there might not be an audio version straightaway. I promise to get one up before I start polling (feel free to remind me if I goof), for those of you waiting for it. Anyway, poll is closing, and here's the results:


Beg her. 0% 0% [ 0 ]
Go with the flow, and mope/follow her anyway. 20% [ 2 ]
Tell her who he is. 0% 0 ]
Let her go, follow from a distance. 20% [ 2 ]
Offer to help with his foxly hunting instincts. 30% [ 3 ]
Simply invite himself along. 20% [ 2 ]
Go into a long spiel about how much of an excellent hunting companion he is. 10% [ 1 ]


So this means Sionn will be offering his help with foxly hunting instincts. Lets see how this goes!

_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)


Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:20 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Vishal Muralidharan
Respected Citizen



Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Topics: 24
Posts: 867
Location: City Of IF!

Items
Legends
5251 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2015 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Missed suggestion and Poll, but the option I'd have voted for won anyway xP Loving this!
_________________




The eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998


Items
Legends
10415 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I listened to the audio - very expressive, particularly in the dialogue, although I found your accent a little difficult to decipher in places! But it was good to listen to.

As far as the text goes you have a smooth narrative style with a good choice of words, and it's a pleasure to read.

I missed the DP and poll - I would have suggested offering his nocturnal instincts to help her on her hunt - (foxes are scavengers rather than hunters, so that would make them a team) I'm glad to see a similar option won!

Looking forward to the next chapter. Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Chapter
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sat Oct 17, 2015 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter Four


Sionn had hidden himself in plain sight for a few hours, but shortly before dawn, he crept back to the inn, and perched himself on the top of the shoddy brick fence of the building across the way. His tail swished against the hard surface, the movement soothing his frazzled nerves, and he tapped the heel of his boot in rhythm, enjoying the soft thunk. His gaze, however, remained riveted on the inn. If she took too long, he might have to find someplace less noticeable to wait. Once the sun had risen, and the villagers woke up, it would be a lot harder to explain his presence.

Shortly after the soft light of dawn began to spread over the town, Sionn saw a hooded figure burst out of the Inn. Initially Sionn ignored the figure, despite it being a womanly one, because his miss certainly wouldn’t rush. His curiosity had his gaze following them, though, and as their stride settled, Sionn’s ears perked up. He knew that gait. Throwing himself off the wall with a smile, Sionn landed deftly on his feet, and quickly rushed up beside her. One peek around her hood, thankfully unnoticed, was all he needed, and his exclamation burst forth unbidden.

“Oh! Heh, I almost didn’t recognize you!”

She swung around to look at him, and Sionn was able to see the full force of her enchanting face. Now that Sionn had seen her in the light, he knew he hadn’t been wrong about his memory. Of course, her eyes were so startlingly different now that he could see the multitude of colors human gaze possessed. That was always the hardest adjustment between his forms, aside from walking on two legs. Or shoes, shoes were a big adjustment, but one that came quickly the first time he stepped on something. Realizing his mind was drifting, and that she was staring at him rather blankly, Sionn realized that this was no doubt another thing odd to humans, and began to babble out an excuse.

“Sorry about this, it’s just, I mean, I kinda had to go in a rush last night, but what I did was really kinda rude, right, and after all, considering how rude I accidentally was, I figured it was more than the right thing to do to track you down to apologize! Though, I guess I should apologize for just hanging around the inn until you left.”

“I- you- what?”

She still appeared a little shocked, and Sionn found his grin, which he hadn’t been able to suppress, could only grow. He’d found her!

“I hung out outside the Inn, so I could see you again!” Except, as she stared at him, she didn’t seem happy. Growing confused, Sionn listened to her halting response.

“I thought- wasn’t it obvious that-... why?”

“Why?”

“Did you seek me out?”

Sionn felt his smile twitch, but struggled to keep it in place. Of course. Of course! She won’t recognize you. That was a stupid thing to expect, and even if she did, why would you want her to? You didn’t exactly make a stellar example of yourself then, now did you? This is a blessing. A blessing! Holding his expression firmly in place, and yelling internally, Sionn almost didn’t notice when she began to speak.

“Nevermind, I need to head out. Apology accepted, I suppose. Just… Just don’t-”

No! You’ll never find her again, quick!

“Can I come with you?”

Attempting to project casual veneer, like he’d seen some humans do, Sionn folded his hands behind his head, and forced his lips into a half grin. What had that gaggle of men been saying? Something about full grins showed too much enthusiasm? What’s wrong with enthusiasm? Nonetheless, Sionn didn’t want to risk scaring her off, so he maintained the mildly aloof bearing.

“No, I’m going into the woods to hunt. Alone.”

The harsh words cracked his calm facade, and Sionn dropped his arms. What had her voice done at the end, though? Sionn didn’t know enough about speaking yet to pinpoint what had been different when she said ‘alone’, but it was enough to offer him hope. Enough to spur him to get desperate. Enough to, sadly, make him exaggerate his meager abilities.

“W-Well that’s good then! See, cause I’m-”

Sionn found the words dying on his lips as she shot him a warning look. Except, it didn’t seem like she was warning him not to cross her. She was glancing around them, and Sionn realized with a start she was advising him to the be cautious saying what he was around the humans. So. Even just saying what you are is a sin? For not the first time, Sionn wondered if joining human society had been the right decision. As he stared into her soft green eyes, though, Sionn knew he’d do anything to be near this woman, to be able to help her as she had helped him. He hadn’t consciously realized it, but every moment he’d spent on two legs, he’d been hoping to run into her. Sionn wasn’t going to squander the opportunity he had been granted.

Leaning forward and lowering his voice, Sionn continued, unaware of the grin that had slipped onto his face.

“As I was saying, I’m a fox. I can help you in the woods.”

Sionn wasn’t sure how to interpret the befuddled expression she made, but he figured it had to be better than a swift denial, and decided to press his luck.

“I have good night vision as well, so I could-” Was that panic in her eyes? Oh! The nakedness! Astounded at himself for already forgetting their odd encounter the night before, Sionn attempted to retract his statement slightly. “Well, it’s passable. I couldn’t really make out your face. But, I can help guide you through the forest!”

Sionn watched, hopeful, as she glanced up at the sky. Realizing he was selfish enough to consider delaying her until she said yes, Sionn leaned back. Mild shame swept over him that he’d contemplated such a dastardly tactic as that, and he gave her a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, forgive me, I’m delaying you to-”

“Okay, but if you can’t keep up, I’m leaving you behind. Or if you scare off the herds.”

She’d spoken quickly and turned on her heel, and Sionn merely stared at her back a moment, mouth gaping open in shock. Shaking the expression off, Sionn quickly caught up to her, hanging one step behind and doing his best to keep quiet. Sheer giddiness burned his skin, and he couldn’t believe she’d agreed, just when he’d given up. Of course, now I’ll have to show off those foxly hunting skills I claimed. Inwardly groaning, Sionn hoped it didn’t come to that.

Sionn said nothing as the muddy roads of the village faded away, watching as they approached the thinned out spattering of trees that formed the beginning of the forest. Villagers had been trying to push back the border for a long time, according to the gossip he’d overheard, but they had always been defeated by the stubborn growth of the forest. The humans might have a name for it, but to him, it was simply, the forest. Once, he’d thought of it as home, but lately, he wasn’t as confident in his belonging. Stifling the sigh that built up in his throat, Sionn willingly strode after- after… Huh.

“I’m Sionn, what’s your name?”

“What?”

“We’re not in the forest proper, but we’re far enough from the village no one should be around.” Stepping ahead of her, Sionn turned and began walking backwards, so he could see her face. “Surely we aren’t to call each other ‘you’, so what’s your name?”

When she visibly hesitated, Sionn began to nervously nibble on the inside of his cheek. He knew that the humans used names to identify, as they lacked the ability to distinguish scents on a specific enough level, and even his family picked out names, no matter how rarely they were used. So then, that meant she was hesitating because she didn’t want to tell him. He wanted to know her, with a gnawing need that surprised him. He wanted to know her name, her dreams, he wanted to know all about the shadows hidden in her pale green eyes, but it wasn’t just that. He wanted her to want to share it. Forcing a casual shrug, Sionn swung back around, so that he was facing in front and she couldn’t see his expression as he said,

“No worries. I guess since I’m not supposed to speak, I don’t need your name.” Sionn hoped his tone came off as nonchalant as he’d intended. He was struggling against the urge to look back at her face, when she spoke, softly, almost shyly.

“You may call me Elona.”

Sionn wasn’t sure where the self control it took not to dance came from, but he managed it. She’d told him. He knew her name, and it was as lovely and delicate as her scent.

“Well then,” He came to a stop, and swiveled on his heel to face her, not bothering to hide his triumphant grin. “It’s a pleasure, Elona.”

For half a heartbeat, Elona only stared wide-eyed at him, her mouth forming a small ‘o’ of surprise. Her hand lifted to cover her mouth, the dark brown leather of her glove a contrast to her creamy complexion. Then, so softly he almost missed it, she chuckled. Sionn’s ears perked up, and it was his turn to look surprised.

“O-oh, I’m sorry,” Her mirth was subsiding, but her lips still had a gentle smile. “It’s just, that was quite possibly the most formal greeting I’ve received.”

“And?” Sionn’s tail shifted behind him, twitching from side to side in his joy. While he managed to suppress the glee from his features or his posture, that damnable appendage was determined to give him away.

“And we’re in a forest.” He merely blinked, and she continued, “It’s quite a silly place for pleasantries.”

“The forest can be the most pleasant of places.” Sionn found his gaze drifting to her bow, and his stomach sank. The lightness of mood seemed to sink with it. “Though, I suppose it’s not always.”

“No.” She agreed, and Sionn was surprised to note regret in her tone. “No, it can be quite the ruthless place.”

Elona averted her gaze from his, and resumed her pace, stepping around him. Sionn remained riveted in place for a moment, turning to watch as she moved. The shadows had returned to her eyes, and Sionn was kicking himself. If he’d just had more practice speaking, he might have known when to stop. Forcing his feet into movement, Sionn trailed behind her. Despite his admonishing himself for not quieting earlier, Sionn couldn’t help the question that slipped out into the air between them.

“Do you… Do you think of yourself as ruthless?”

The silence stretched between them for quite some time, but Sionn didn’t press the issue. As they moved into the forest, the trees pressed in around them, and the underbrush grew thicker. Ahead of him, Elona moved deftly through it, stepping over fallen trees, keeping her steps still enough that the leaves and twigs didn’t so much as whisper of her presence. Sionn couldn’t help but admire the way she, when the bushes and trees began to grab at her cloak, reached for the hem, and wrapped the length of it around her neck and shoulders. The shifting shades of green must have been produced on accident, a bad batch of dye, but the way it moved with her, she almost appeared to be part of the forest herself.

After a while, with them not having run into anything, Elona drew to a stop, and shifted to face him. Sionn, almost alarmed at the intensely thoughtful expression on her face as she looked him up at down, didn’t say anything, merely stared back at her. His heart beat a quick rhythm, and he could hear it in his ears. Is she going to tell me to leave? Was my question that offensive? Wait, what exactly did I say?

“You’re drawing too much notice.” Elona’s voice was hushed, but her tone was notably irked.

Sionn wasn’t sure what she meant, and opened his mouth, but froze. If drawing notice was the problem, speaking wouldn’t help. Closing his mouth helplessly, Sionn lowered his gaze from hers, and looked at himself. It had been difficult procuring human clothes, and for a while he had gotten by wearing laundry filched from someone's drying line- he regretted that, as he hadn’t known stealing was wrong yet when he’d done it- but he was proud of his current vestments.

He’d done a lot of tricks for coin, balancing on his hands and flipping, to earn the money for the simple set of brownish red breeches and matching leather vest, and the white undershirt had been surprisingly expensive for something without sleeves. The boots had been a kind gift from a man he’d run into, a black leather that had faded deeply, going all the way up to his knees. They were a little loose around his toes, but fit nicely otherwise. The belt tied around his waist was too long, and the extra leather trailed down his belly and leg, but he liked the effect. his forearms had looked bare compared to the black fur he was used to, so he’d tied some leather straps around them. He thought he looked nice, very human-like. So what was wrong? Raising his eyes back up at her, Sionn made a shrugging motion, well aware it could lead to her deciding she’d had enough of him.

Instead she merely gaped at him a moment, before shaking her head. Sionn flinched when she reached for him, despite his certainty she wouldn’t try to harm him, and screwed his eyes shut against whatever was coming. He felt light tugs on his vest, and slowly, Sionn opened his eyes. Elona had stepped closer, and was fiddling with the strings at the top of his vest, drawing them tighter. His heart felt as if it might burst each time her fingers brushed against him, no matter how many layers were separating him from her touch. Clothing had seemed like such a bothersome human habit, and often Sionn found himself resenting the need for it, but now, with her adjusting his vest to block out the white of his shirt- he’d sluggishly realized that was her goal- Sionn was eternally grateful to whoever had thought up the idea.

As she pulled the laces, Sionn noticed her fingers trembled, and he wondered if he frightened her. She seemed so strong, so capable, but he was a beast. The fox ears and tail- his ears and tail- were proof enough of that. This brave woman who walked into the wood with her head held high had shadows in her eyes, and he was loathe to draw them out again. His hands twitched with the desire to take hers, to sooth her, his instincts screaming at him to comfort her.

~~*~~~*~~~*~~



DP this time is fairly simple: What does Sionn do? Resist his instincts? Come up with something else entirely?


Like I said, I'm not posting from my laptop, so no audio version yet. I'll do my best to get one recorded before it comes time to poll, but it's taking longer for my laptop to be repaired than I anticipated.
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
kkdestiny
Mayor



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Topics: 56
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Items
Legends
7049 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 11:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Admittedly, it probably took me longer to realize that it started from the his POV of the event that just happened to set up for going forward.

That said, he's adorable XP

I think before he does anything, he might want to ask if he is indeed what's scaring her :3
_________________
I now have three SGames! "Mist in a Cave" Chapter 5 is in the works

"The Freedom of Magic" Just got its THIRD chapter up!

Hope you all find the time to read them Very Happy *goes off to look for an SG to read*

Note to self: The Elven Moon; Coin; SVI; Black Animals; Two Wolves; Angel Cat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Adryrn
Tourist



Joined: 16 Sep 2015
Topics: 0
Posts: 22


Items
Legends
279 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love how intensely Sionn's emotions are coming across (especially your use of words like "burning" or "gnawing." They seem well-placed). I feel like if Elona's uneasy about something, being alerted that her uneasiness is visible would only make it worse, so it might be better for Sionn not to follow his instincts. Then again, I'm not sure if he'd figure that out by himself, and if I'm right but he goes with his instincts and ends up stressing Elona out more, it may be more entertaining for his reaction to not work out well. Hmm.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry the intro was so confusing, kk, is there anything you think I could do that would help that? Glad you find him adorable though! I admit that when I started to actual write him, he began coming across a lot more cutesy than I anticipated, but I think I'll stick with it.

I'm glad you noticed that, Adryrn, I spent longer than I'd care to admit choosing exactly those words. I wanted his emotions to come across stronger and more intense, I'm super glad to hear it's working.

_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)


Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:19 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items
Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just love Sionn so much. XD If I were uneasy, I'd want him to take my hand and ask what was bothering me. I'm not sure how she'd react to that, but that's what I'd want. haha! I do love how expressive Sionn is, and I love how he's learning to be more human. I think it's completely adorable. You know I love cultural barriers in my stories. haha! Keep up the good work!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Crunchyfrog
Honorable IFian



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Topics: 168
Posts: 3998


Items
Legends
10415 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I particularly liked the comparison with human senses, and how alien they feel. I also thought how sweet it was that the way he'd fashioned his clothes, while trying to look human, were still wrong, to the point where Elona starts to sort them out.

He's probably enjoying this, but if he makes a physical move, he knows she'll run, and if she's attracted to him, I doubt if she'll admit that yet. She's barely allowed him to follow in the hunt.

However, Elona seems better adapted to human culture than he is, so I say he'll continue to let her adjust his clothing, maybe encourage her by talking about how to wear human clothes, and how she's managed to fit in so well - it may lead her to open out a little more about her background, and he can find out more about her.

A nice, stealthy and cunning tactic - like a fox. Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Sapphire_Rayne
Resident



Joined: 17 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 38


Items
Legends
758 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 12:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can I keep the fox? I'm keeping him, kay? Kay! Now that it's settled, I really enjoyed reading this chapter! I loved how you went back and showed their previous conversation through Sionn's eyes that way we got both perspectives! I also took notice (admittedly the second time I read through it and not the first) of something when it came to his clothing. The colors follow the actual colors on a fox and where they go. That was so clever and I'm really glad I noticed it when I did!

I was a little surprised that she's fixing his vest though, considering she had said she'd leave him behind if he scared off the herds. Yet, he's drawing notice and he's still here. Despite that, I actually am glad she's helping him rather than sending him away - especially since he was desperate enough to stretch the truth (I'm guessing that's what it is considering he seems like he dreads the idea of actually using his foxly abilities from this line here, "Of course, now I’ll have to show off those foxly hunting skills I claimed. Inwardly groaning, Sionn hoped it didn’t come to that.") to stay by her.

It also came across to me as it did Andy that he's trying to learn how to be more human. Like he knows how to talk and all that but he's still learning. I find it amazing that while he can somewhat act like a human - he doesn't know how to be completely like a human. It makes me question just how long he's been in a humanoid form instead of his actual fox body.

I'm thinking he shouldn't act on his instincts, but Sionn seems to do things without really thinking all the way . . at least that's what it seems. I'm with kk on this, maybe he should ask if it's indeed him scaring her before he reaches out to grab her hands. Though, I feel like he'd grab her hands and try to sooth her - before realizing that could startle her. That said, This is a lot to read, and I'm not sorry for having you to read it xP
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 11:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's starting to seem like Sionn is the crowd favorite character. I'll have to remember that. Glad you guys are enjoying it! I'm really glad to see the effort I put into Sionn's perspective is paying off with you guys being able to see how alien everything is to him, despite his sincere efforts. I'm probably gonna wait another day before putting up the poll, but it should go up sometime tomorrow, if I don't wait til I get my own laptop back to do an audio version.
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)


Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:18 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
misterbiz
Horror Mod



Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Topics: 50
Posts: 461
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Items
Legends
2874 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 12:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very well done as usual. I am quite liking Sionn as well.

As for my suggestion. I am going to agree with Crunchy. Let her keep going and try to talk to her. Make small talk and so on.
_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alrighty then guys, I'm gonna go ahead and put up the poll now! (which is usually a ten minute process of tweaking the wording to be just so) which means this is the last chance to comment!
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)


Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:18 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

EDIT: Correction: Deleting the poll to buy a little more time, it'll go back up ten hours from now.
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)


Last edited by Novelest_Ninjagirl on Tue Oct 20, 2015 10:39 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Phantomfan
Citizen



Joined: 01 May 2008
Topics: 7
Posts: 309
Location: Deep within the music of the night

Items
Legends
2507 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry I'm slow and I'm late but I'm here. Thank you for waiting for me

As all have said, Sionn is adorable. I agree with Crunchy- I think he's too perceptive to make a move, he knows she'll bolt. That or it will create a potentially permanent break on this already fragile relationship. So I think he should probably hold himself back.
However, I wouldn't put it past him to create situations where she'd have to be closer to him-- maybe the vest "slips" and needs to be corrected, maybe some coins in his pocket start jingling-- I think he could sabotage his outfit in some seemingly innocent ways in an attempt to bring light to the situation (and get closer to her, but on her terms).
It'd have to be a careful dance though, don't want her getting too frustrated and sending him away.
_________________
I've been pulled back from oblivion to lurk about the City once more. Though the music of the night always beckons...

Here's some stuff I started writing a long time ago. Orb. Nexus.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Seraphi
General Fiction Mod



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Topics: 2
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Items
Legends
5512 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lucky me. I barely made this dp (sorry I'm so late >_<)

I think Sionn has enough common sense not to startle her by taking her hand, or by making any other forms of physical contact. Since we know it wasn't him talking and asking questions that were disturbing her, maybe he tries to start some small talk as she fixes his vest. In hushed tones of course haha
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 6:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright, glad you guys could make it! It's nice to Sionn's a fan favorite. There's three hours til I put up the poll for any other last-minuters. ^^
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.

Items
Legends
2410 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alas, I was late for the poll but i thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I like Elona, she peaks my interest. Hmm. Sion could go for animal empathy too. He could convey a figurative puppy-face. Rock on! Very Happy
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.




Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alrighty, and with that, the poll is going up! Not sure how long it'll be open, probably til Saturday, but it depends on how busy I get/how quickly I get votes. As always, thanks for reading!
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Oct 22, 2015 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a reminder that the poll closes tomorrow!
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll is officially closed guys! Keep an eye out for the next chapter!

What does Sionn do as Elona adjusts his clothes?
Grab Elona's hands and try to sooth her. 12% [ 1 ]
Ask if he's what's frightening Elona. 25% [ 2 ]
Let Elona continue to adjust the clothes silently. 0% [ 0 ]
Let Elona adjust his clothes and attempt mindless small talk. 0% [ 0 ]
Let her adjust his clothes, attempt to use it as an opening to learn more about her. 50% [ 4 ]
Attempt a pitiful puppy face. 12% [ 1 ]
Sabotage his outfit subtly in attempts to get her to fix it again. 0% [ 0 ]

_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
themightyzan
Resident



Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Items
Legends
1150 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2015 6:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww. I missed the poll, but I probably would have chosen that one myself anyway. ^.^

I'm still loving this, Noni, and I'm glad I finally had a chance to catch up!
_________________
“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I'm afraid of. ” - Joss Whedon
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Chapter
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2015 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter Five


If anyone had asked her why she didn’t send Sionn on his way, Elona would be hard pressed to find any one answer. Maybe it was the way he eagerly followed her, mimicking her steps nearly identically without even appearing to notice. It’s possible it was simply the way his eyes followed her without judgement or suspicion. Perhaps it was because he seemed out of sorts both in town and in the forest, and she knew what it felt like to not belong. No matter what it was that motivated her to act so far out of character, Elona found herself adjusting Sionn’s laces.

Her fingers were quivering, and Elona wondered if Sionn could tell she’d never been this close to another person. It hadn’t seemed like a difficult plan- adjust Sionn’s clothes, find a way to hide his brilliantly red hair, resume the hunt. Yet, as she found herself staring determinedly at the white of the shirt she was attempting to hide, Elona found herself taking note of the warmth of his chest. Her fingers couldn’t help but brush against it, and his body heat seemed to emanate through the leather. She’d had no idea others were so… warm. For a brief moment, Elona closed her eyes, picturing herself leaning forward and-

“You seem really good with human clothes.”

His voice was hushed, barely a whisper, but Elona’s eyes opened in shock. She could only be grateful that his gaze was riveting down on where her hands were, rather than slightly up at her face.

“Human clothes?” Her voice was collected, not a ripple in the tone to belie the rush of unease that flowed through her.

“Well, yeah. You sure seem to have adapted. Maybe you could give me some tips?”

Disappointment tasted bitter, Elona realized as the familiar flavor seeped into her mouth. His comments were innocent enough, but Elona hadn’t been on her own so long that she couldn’t recognize when someone was digging for information. It wasn’t fair of her to be discouraged, she had, at least in some part, taken him along because she saw a little of her lost self in his overeager eyes, hadn’t she?

“E-Elona?”

Becoming aware that she had stopped moving, her hands still holding onto the laces and hovering in front of Sionn, Elona raised her gaze to his eyes, not surprised to find him already looking up at her. His expression took her by surprise. He looked guilty, like he barely wanted to meet her gaze, but more than that, he seemed apologetic. Abruptly, for practically no reason at all, Elona felt appeased. Of course he’d assume she wasn’t human, how many humans had given him the time of day before?

“What makes you think I’m not human, Sionn?”

Her tone was kind, yet Elona had hesitated ever so slightly before she said his name, unsure if she should. Everything in her being urged against it. There was something to be said for avoiding emotional attachments, and names held a special kind of power. Still, the little smile that colored his expression when she did somehow quieted the worries. This time, she’d worry about the emotional attachment later.

“You don’t smell like one.”

“Excuse me?”

“Like a human. They’re all just a little bit musty smelling, even under their individual scents. But you don’t have that mustiness. I can’t figure out yet what you smell like, but it’s… fresh.” Elona was silent as Sionn screwed his face up into a thoughtful expression and leaned a little bit closer to her, angling his nose towards her neck. “And… Almost a little sweet?”

Staring blankly back at Sionn as he pulled away and smiled earnestly up at her, Elona scrambled to try and find a defense. The lie that so easily tripped of her tongue, ‘I’m human’, was stumbling in her throat, and nothing else could get past. Shifting her eyes around, seeking a distraction, Elona found none. Biting down on the inside of her cheek, Elona merely focused on tying off the laces still- still!- in her grasp.

“Your hair, it needs to be covered.” Alarmed that her voice wasn’t as steady as she’d always maintained, Elona took a half step backwards to reach into her bag.

The neatly organized pack rested on her hip, the worn leather soft to the touch but still sturdy. Tucked into one of the inner pockets was a scarf she’d used in the previous winter. The air was beginning to cool, but as summer was only starting to end, the leaves had yet to turn, and the wind lacked the bite that she’d need protection against. Holding the green scarf in her hands, Elona turned towards Sionn and looped it over the top of his head. She had thought the scarf would make him appear like a granny, like it did during the times she’d had to use it to hide her hair, but instead it seemed to oddly suit him.

“Speaking of hair, yours seems… different.”

Sionn tilted his head, pursing his lips in thought as he stared up at it. Elona flinched, and reached up to grab the nondescript brown strands. How could he tell? Surely he hadn’t been able to see it last night? How good was his night vision? Dread balled up in the pit of her stomach at the thought of him having seen her scales, and yet, she found a blush spreading faintly over her cheeks as she thought on what else he could have seen. For not the first time, she wished she’d thought to grab for her cloak before the weapon.

“C-Cover up your hair, we need to get moving.”

With a determined stance, Elona turned her back, and strode on, sliding her bow back into her grasp. She had a quiver that she kept on her back, but Elona prefered to hold more than one arrow. Through practice, she’d managed to mostly master the art of shooting arrows in a quick succession by holding them to the side of her hand. Right now, though, she only pulled out one. There was no sign of any deer yet, and the muscles in her hands were still twitching slightly. No need to risk dropping an arrow. Realizing she hadn’t heard Sionn follow, Elona paused, then glanced over her shoulder.

Sionn stood there, hopelessly tangled in the scarf. He looked befuddled, his lips twisted into a determined grimace, as he attempted to tuck the scarf into a crook and only succeeded in tying another knot. Her shoulders dropped as she found herself smiling at him, relaxing a bit. Turning back, she reached for the scarf, undoing his handiwork.

“Here, watch me.”

Sionn seemed to open his mouth to say something, but clearly decided against speaking, and shut it silently. Elona quickly realized why he’d been having so much trouble. His ears, fluffy and twitching at the top of his head, were in a completely different place than hers, and the same vivid crimson orange as his hair. They seemed to flutter under her gaze, and Elona frowned thoughtfully. She meticulously draped the scarf gently over the top of his head, loose enough his ears could still move, wrapping the ends around to the back of his head, and then up over his forehead, tying them into a knot near his left temple, with the minor remainder of the ends dangling where a human’s left ear would have been. It was almost comical, the way his ears tented the scarf, making his head look pointed. She put her hand over her mouth to suppress a laugh, before lowering her gaze to meet Sionn’s eye.

“I… I look silly, don’t I?” Sionn guessed, no doubt from her humor.

“Only a little?” Elona offered, hoping it was a comfort.

“Well,” Sionn began, looking resolute, “If that’s what it takes to travel with you.”

Deciding against commenting on that, Elona merely gave a slight smile, before turning and resuming the hunt. She had been hunting for years now, having fallen into the profession by accident taking to it alarmingly easily. Blinking, Elona could almost feel her senses shift as she focused in on and scents and sounds of the forest. She’d heard the woods described as deathly quiet compared to the towns, but to her, it was anything but. All around her, just out of sight, life was buzzing and thriving. It made her blood beat quickly, in a primal rhythm she never quite adjusted to. Her feet found the perfect places to step in the brush as if by instinct, her breathing coming in soft pants that were nearly impossible to hear. There was a rush of wings as some birds in a nearby tree took to the sky, seeking out life, whether through food or mate. Out of the corner of her eye Elona noticed a rabbit hopping along, but she dismissed it. When she was low on food, perhaps, but until then her energies were best focused on the prey that she got the most pay for- deer.

Well. The most profitable prey she allowed herself to hunt.

~*~*~

Elona should have suspected it, as it was early in the year and late in the day, but she was still disgruntled when they didn’t run into any deer by mid-afternoon. By this point in the day it was nearly impossible to sneak up on them, making her hunting tactic practically worthless. Coming to a stop at the top of a hill, Elona spared a glance back to check on Sionn. Hunting with companionship was new to her, but aside from him occasionally directing her to where he was hearing noises, it was as if he hadn’t been there. She had to give him credit for that, he was quiet when necessary, and he didn’t seem that winded.

“Let’s find a place to stop for lunch.” Elona declared, breaking the hushed silence. She watched a moment of panic light Sionn’s eyes, before he gave a slight grin.

“Sure. Once we stop, I’ll head off to hunt for mine, and meet y-”

“Don’t worry about it this time.”

“Really?”

Elona glanced away, as surprised as he. She’d had no intentions of feeding him, and yet, his voice when he’d spoken of hunting had wavered. That, added to his actions as they trekked through the forest led her to believe that perhaps he wasn’t as proficient at hunting as he’d suggested. Her bleeding heart remembered being ravenous, remembered only getting to eat on the days she’d had a successful hunt. If there was any weakness Elona truly had, it was seeing a pair of hungry eyes.

“Yes, really. You were rather accommodating with the scarf,” Elona flicked a glance up at it, and felt a small smile bubble up, “It’s the least I can do.”

Forgetting the fact that she’d only allowed him along on some misguided impulse, Elona led him through the familiar branch of the woods to one of her favorite lunch spots. As they advanced towards it, the soft rustling of a river got louder, and Elona found herself speeding up. They broke out of the brush into a small clearing, the river cutting through it with a beautiful rush of water that sparkled in the sun. The river curved when it met the jutting edge of broad stones that formed a semi-circle, wrapped around the outside of it. The boulders were flat-topped, and warm from the sun. She’d stumbled upon it, and while she’d never known how the boulders got there, she’d always enjoyed the splendor of the view.

“Woah!” Sionn exclaimed behind her, and Elona felt pride bloom through her that he was as impressed as she. “I’ve never seen this part of the forest!”

Leading the way to the boulders, Elona sat in the middle of one, keeping a good distance from the edge. Beautiful though it was, the river was deceptively quick. She’d dropped an apple in once, and it’d been gone before she could blink. Elona removed her cloak and spread it in front of her, shifting onto the edge of it. Gesturing for Sionn to sit next to her, she watched as he plopped down with enough force to make her cringe. Pulling off the scarf, Sionn shook out his hair and wiggled his ears. Elona stared for a moment, before opening her bag and removing the supplies she’d planned for her lunch. A small bag of apples, some dried rabbit jerky from her last hunting excursion, a hunk of expensive cheese, and a small loaf of bread. She set them down on the cloak, before turning back to her bag to look for a knife to cut the bread and apples.

“Hey no worries, I got this.” Glancing up, Elona watched as Sionn slid a slim dagger out of his boot, wipe it on the edge of the cloak, and start slicing the bread. “See? I’m helpful.”

He sounded so sincerely pleased with himself that Elona allowed her knife, now gripped in her hand, to slide back into the bag unnoticed. Smiling, Elona felt a bittersweet twang in her heart. She could almost delude herself into believing this shared lunch was a normal affair. Reality edged in, though, reminding her that he, too, would leave. He might not go for the same reasons as the rest, but go he would. He’d have to, she couldn’t afford to keep him around. How long before her secret slipped?

“Hey there, why the somber expression?”

Startled, Elona raised her eyes from her food to find Sionn had leaned over and down to break into her line of vision. His features were almost boyish, but for the first time Elona noticed the faintest of scars on the end of his left eyebrow, forming a little c. Reminded of her own scars, Elona reached out and touched her hand to it- Sionn flinched from her touch, and laughed cheerlessly.

“I’m sorry.” Elona offered, but Sionn shook his head.

“No, no, it’s okay.”

It was odd to see a crack in his jaunty attitude, and Elona regretted what she’d done. Chewing on her lip a moment, Elona tried to think of a way to bring his light-hearted mood back.

“Thank you.’
“For what?” Sionn looked genuinely confused, and Elona couldn’t blame him.

“For… accompanying me.”

“Oh.” He smiled, and Elona felt the pressure inside her ease. “Well, now who’s being overly formal?”

“Huh?” Remembering his introduction earlier that day, Elona laughed. “Ah, I suppose you got me.”

They shared a very pleasant lunch, and while neither of them mentioned their past at all, they did speak briefly of the incident the night before. Sionn expanded on his explanation, and Elona admitted she had fallen asleep in the bath. By the end of their conversation, somehow, Sionn had made something that had frightened her and set all her nerves on edge when it occurred into quite the laughable joke. In fact, he’d actually gotten a few laughs out of her. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d felt so at ease.

Pushing to her feet, Elona gathered up the bag the food had been stored in and tucked it into her pack, stringing it over her shoulder. She was relaxed, but not totally without caution. Leaving her cloak on the rock, Elona excused herself, telling Sionn to wait for her there. Sneaking off into the forest aways away, Elona addressed her business, before returning to where she’d left Sionn.

As she walked into the clearing, she didn’t immediately see him, and felt an astonishingly distressing pang in her heart at the thought that he’d left. Relief didn’t follow when she did see him, though, for she realized he was on the very edge of the rock, peering into the river. A cold heat swept over her, and Elona sprinted forward, calling out his name. Sionn turned to look at her, lifting his hand in a wave, and Elona watched as he lost his footing and slipped wordlessly into the water.


~~*~~~*~~


DP:
What does Elona do? Remember, being touched by water reveals secrets she’d rather keep.
[/i]
_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Sapphire_Rayne
Resident



Joined: 17 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 38


Items
Legends
758 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OH DEAR GODS YOU HAD TO MAKE HIM FALL. I should have expected it when you mentioned the apple but I didn't and this is what happened. I really liked reading her walls coming down a bit - especially the stutter! And picturing Sionn and that scarf made me chuckle so thank you for that before you ripped my heart out with him falling in. Yeah. I went there. xP

For this DP, I can't have just one suggestion. Though it seems I never do have just one with your chapters do I? First off, maybe she could find something to reach out to him further down the river? I would say jump right in and get him but . . she's been hiding this secret for I'll assume much longer than we know and Sionn while friendly and lovable is still technically a stranger! So I'm actually quite torn.

I'd like her to jump in there, maybe cover his eyes or grab him from behind so he doesn't actually see everything there is to hide, but I don't know if that is how Elona would act.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
themightyzan
Resident



Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Topics: 1
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Items
Legends
1150 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 6:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh! She has to go get him! Maybe run to the edge first and see if maybe he can somehow get himself out, or she can reach him without getting in? If not, she has to go get him. She has to!

Also, heh musty smelling humans. I like it! Very Happy
_________________
“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I'm afraid of. ” - Joss Whedon
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Cyberworm
Respected Citizen



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Topics: 5
Posts: 652
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.

Items
Legends
2410 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 7:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A good chapter, really moving.

But... use the cloak. xD She's quick enough to run, grab the cloak and use it as leverage. Or even tie it to a big fat stick to extend the reach. Et voilá. If all else fails, jump in, reveal her secret, smooch, drama and getting past the chemical into physical.

Hubba hubba, we have ourselves a winner. xD
_________________
Slit and Slide
One man's journey through the possibilities of solving what he says is a murder. What was it? Try not to forget.




Beyond Good and Evil
Could it be that being good is not good at all?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Seraphi
General Fiction Mod



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Topics: 2
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Items
Legends
5512 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 11:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Considering the river is quick moving, Elona isn't exactly going to have the time to grab something to throw in after Sionn and haul him to shore, and depending on the undercurrent he might not be able to resurface for enough time for her to grab him further down, so I say Elona goes all in herself and jumps. Sionn already knows she's not human, and he hasn't given her any reason to not trust him should her true nature be revealed (if anything, he'll probably just become more attached, haha).
_________________
"The aim of literary ambition is to demonstrate one's greatness of soul."
-Mason Cooley
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Andolyn
Mayor's Ambassador



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Topics: 20
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Items
Legends
12390 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, this chapter was ADORABLE. I LOVED watching them interact. Sionn is ADORABLE. I still want to huggle him. XD

AND HE FELL IN!! Like Sapph, I noted the apple, but it still caught me off guard.

Screw the secret!! He's gotten into her heart, and she knows it! She' can't just let him DROWN!! GO GO GO!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Author Message
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Respected Citizen



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Topics: 13
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Items
Legends
5126 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Im glad everyone is enjoying it so far! I've actually had this dp planned for like two or three chapters now, it's nice to finally get it out of my head. The way these posts are going, I'll probably give it a day or two before I put up the poll. I can't wait to get to the next chapter!



_________________
My latest SG! (Image courtesy of the lovely Lebrenth)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Author Message
Adryrn
Tourist



Joined: 16 Sep 2015
Topics: 0
Posts: 22


Items
Legends
279 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 7:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mwahaha. I love how you gave us all this set-up of Elona slowly getting attached to Sionn/Sionn being cute in general, and then you THROW HIM IN A RIVER. Part of me would love to see Elona panic and do nothing while Sionn gets swept away just to see her feel awful afterward. Then again, it feels like she kind of has to save him at this point? But that "has to" feeling seems like a marker to do something different, so I think I'll stick with having Elona panic and miss her chance. (Maybe he could find something to grab onto downstream/manage to avoid drowning some other way that's out of Elona's sight. Or not. Whichever. Torment us >D.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Author Message
Kalanna Rai
Assassin for Hire



Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Topics: 173
Posts: 3102
Location: The Frozen North

Items
Legends
41350 Fables
Strata-gems

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elona strikes me as far too soft-hearted to just let him drown and then wring her hands going 'but there was nothing I could do'. Besides she's already got the suspicion that he's seen her and he's pretty well confirmed that he knows she's not human. It's possible he knows what she is and can give her answers. After all she's spent so long being human that perhaps there are things she doesn't know that she really needs to and he can answer them.

Into the river with her.

_________________
"It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."

"Music makes you braver."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Reply to topic   printer-friendly view    Storygames Home -> Storygames: Fantasy All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Page 2 of 6
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group. Forum design by mtechnik, customized by City of IF
All site content © City of IF or the respective storygame authors.   Terms of use
Home   Book   Storygames   FAQ   Greek myth   About   Policies