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Chinaren
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PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2019 9:13 pm    Post subject: Apocolypto (WT) Reply with quote

The war was never ending. It encompassed everything. The entire world, literally the entire world, was a battlefield scattered with the ruins of cities, even whole civilisations. Cultures had been wiped out, entire peoples erased, with no one left to remember they ever existed.

Max sometimes wished he had been wiped out. The miserable existence that he suffered, had suffered for almost all of his adult life, seemed to be more torture than it was worth a lot of the time.

Maybe he had died, he speculated as he crawled through a sea of mud towards the forward lookout post. Maybe he was in, what did the ancients call it? Hey. No, Hell, that was it. Some kind of life after death for those who had lived less than perfect lives, if he recalled his mythology classes. Well, perhaps Zhong had made a mistake when he came up with the Unifying theory which finally disproved religion. He'd obviously forgotten to carry a one or something. He was dead and in Hey...Hell.

Slithering over one more mound of mud, he took in the remains of the lookout post, and discovered that the soldiers manning it had been sent to their afterlives. A worm mine by the looks of it, and a big one too, to leave the gaping hole in the ground where the bunker had been. Chunks of battlecrete lay scattered around, blown outward. Mixed in with that were numerous body parts, torn apart in the blast. The head of one was directly in front of Max. By chance it had been cleanly severed, as if with a laser, or sharp knife, and had landed right way up. The woman's shocked expression glared at him accusingly, as if his late arrival was to blame for the whole fiasco.

Max slithered back behind the mud mound and rolled over onto his back, panting hard. It wasn't the bodies that had upset him, it was the fact that he knew the woman, Sergeant Hooper, and if she was dead, which she very clearly was, then he was next in line for promotion. To sergeant. Widely held to be the most unlucky rank in the squad.

Five-five squad, of which he as a proud member, had never, in its history, had a sergeant last longer than a week. Even, famously, Sergeant Thomas, who was on leave when promoted, was killed in a freak accident involving a runaway vehicle outside a coffee shop.

It had become so bad that promotion had been made sequential, with those who had been in the group longest promoted when the, inevitable, vacancy arose.

And now it was his turn. Max wondered if he could lie, just report Hooper MIA, but he knew that would only stave off the inevitable.

He was just about to start the long crawl back when something caught his eye. Sticking out of the never ending mud was... something shiny. Something that he couldn't recognise.

Intrigued, he checked that the coast looked clear, and pulled himself over to the item.


-----

Well, I can still type at least, whether this can be classed as writing, we'll see. I have NO idea where this story is going.

Anyway, what is the item? Does it have any special powers? I'm thinking something needed that's plot-defining here, so no pressure.


Last edited by Chinaren on Tue Sep 17, 2019 7:46 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 2:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gosh, IF is deserted! Shocked

Hello...oh ... oh....oh.


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PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 1:05 pm    Post subject: Apocolypto - Part II Reply with quote

Note: I started this as a totally different story, but suddenly the two became one, as the Goddess Muesli* commanded me from above.

---


The bar was full of the usual atmosphere, which could be summed up as a 'dark murmer.' The scattering of usual customers, wedged into their chairs in the gloom sat about quietly, intent on the business of drinking hard and forgetting the real world as quickly and thoroughly as possible.

Dave, the barman, had just refilled a glass for a regular that was half slumped over the bar when the door, a dark portal at the far end of the room, crashed open.

Jumping back, Dave grabbed the baseball bat more out of instinct than anything else. The last time someone had come through the door like that it had been two guys out of their heads on acid. That wasn't pleasant. The bat still had some ominous dark stains on it from that incident.

This time though, the barman quickly realised he was out of his league. The man who entered,under normal circumstances, wouldn't have looked all that out of place. He was a tall man, dressed in a long black leather coat that had definitely seen better days, stained, torn and ragged as it was. His head was cropped short, with a tattoo on the muscular neck of some dark design. His left hand held a giant pistol of unfamiliar design, some still drifting out of the long barrel. The other hand held a wicked looking hatchet, with congealed liquid coating the metal head.

Despite all this, it was his face that caught Dave's attention. It was a face that had seen hell, apparently hitting quite a lot of it along the way, judging by the scrapes, cuts and bruising that adorned it.

As he staggered up to the bar, Dave stepped back. It was the man's eyes. They were dark, haunted eyes. Eyes that had seen too much, eyes that even the dead wouldn't envy.

The stranger sat down heavily upon a bar stool, oblivious of the reaction to the clientele, half of which were making haste for the exit, the other half watching expectantly, anticipating something different for once.

With a clunk the man placed the gun on the bar, followed a moment later by the hatchet, which splattered the counter with dark liquid blobs.

“Beer,” he said.

Dave pulled a beer and put it down in front of the man, who had watched him intently as he prepared it.

“That'll be, er...” He trailed off as those eyes bored into his skull. “...on the house.” He watched as the drink was lifted to cracked lips and downed in one desperate gulping go, much of it spilling over the already ruined coat, before the glass was slammed back down onto the bar.

“Another.” The voice was slightly less hoarse this time.

Dave complied, watching as the second glass was treated to an only slightly less urgent treatment than the last.

“Another?” He raised an eyebrow as the stranger gasped for air, slumping forward slightly.

As he began to draw another the door to the bar opened again, in a more normal fashion this time. Instantly the man grabbed his gun and whirled around to point it at the man entering the room, who shrieked and scuttled back out, double speed.

“Er, I'd rather you didn't kill my customers,” Dave said, as the man slowly lowered the weapon and, even more slowly, retook his seat. “Or frighted them off either. I have bills to keep you know,” he hinted.

The gun was placed gently back on the bar, and the half full, or in this case possibly half empty, glass was prised from away by a dirt covered, scarred and calloused hand.

“They're coming you know.” The man spoke in a rough, throaty voice. Then lifted the drink. This time the glass shook as it was emptied.

Dave took a punt. “They?”

His reward was to be grabbed by the collar and half dragged over the counter. Despite his struggles, and Dave wasn't an overly small or weak man, the hand gripped him like a vice, and he was unable to resist as he was pulled forward, to end up nose to nose with his new client.

“I can't go on anymore!” The desperate terror in the voice scared Dave more than the unrelenting grip. “You have to take it. Take it!!” Something cold and metal was thrust into his hand. “They can't have it! It'll mean the end! THE END!”

Then the world exploded. Dave was thrown back across his bar as two shadows erupted from apparently nowhere, grabbing at his new friend and pulling him back off the stool, but not before the man had grabbed the hatchet.

There was a flurry of violent activity. The hatchet rose and fell, and blood splattered across the room and over the remaining customers now fleeing or cowering in abject terror. One of the attackers, a blurry figure enveloped in a billowing black coat, fell back, and Dave caught a glimpse of an unnaturally white face before he was distracted by the man being thrown directly at him. He ducked, and the bottles above him smashed as the body bounced off them and landed on him.

He started to push his way out from underneath the dead weight when it was suddenly gone. He looked up to see an inhuman parody of a skull glaring down at him. One of the attackers. It hissed at him, and then turned its attention to the man, which it was holding up with one large, clawed, hand.

Dave took advantage of the creatures distraction and rolled clear, dragging himself up onto the bar.

He was grabbed from behind and swung about. The thing lunged forward, and stopped as Dave thrust the barrel of the large gun his friend had left behind on the counter into the creature's jaws and fired.

The explosion deafened him, and the recoil threw him backwards again. He landed hard, the breath knocked out of him.

Eventually the ringing in his ears stopped and he clambered shakily to his feet.

The bar was a mess, blood and flesh splattered over everything. He staggered over to the thing he'd killed, which now lay in a bony heap, its cape covering it like a shroud.

Dave wished he could think of something smart to say, like in the movies, but his mind had decided to go away and come back when things were calmer, so he just kicked it as he moved over to his latest customer, who was panting in a very unhealthy way on the floor.

Kneeling next to him he winced.

“Hey buddy,” he said. “Keep still, I'll get help.” He made to stand, but an arm shot out and pulled him closer.

“No. They cannot be allowed to get it. You...you need to go. Run, kill them. Find the other thr...th...”

He let out a last, final breath and slumped back. The hand holding Dave relaxed.

“Oh shit.”

Dave laid him down, gently, and then frowned. It? He remembered the item he'd been handed, and slipped his hand into his pocket, feeling the cold metallic thing there.

He pulled it out and examined it.

“Interesting.” He said.

----- X -----

Okay, so, the same DP as before. See what I did there? Clever eh. Oh how you must have missed me. I know I did.

*The god of Muses, not to be confused with the breakfast stuff.
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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 3:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm... what could the thing be. The first thought that popped into my head was an iPhone. I'm not saying it is a good idea, but something shiny that could bring the end of human civilization--sounds like an iPhone to me. Could turn it into a post apocalyptic comedy about phone addiction.
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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 3:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is a very interesting beginning C-ren, and given the clear impending doom of this planet in reality, the subject of the apocalypse is one that holds my interest greatly.

Upon reading the two chapters, it would seem that the first part is most likely to occur post the second? It seems like the world has already passed the 'shit hits the fan' stage, whereas the second is almost like events leading to the time Max lives in. I'm not sure if that is the case, but that's how it's coming across. Even though it's fairly early on, I think I like Max, I hope to see more of him as the tale progresses.

As for the object, I believe that it's a recording device. I don't know whether these creatures are invaders, ancient beings in an uprising, or if they've been created by human science, but the device holds the secret to their demise, or the location of something that will bring their demise.

Awesome start C-ren, and many thanks for the attempt at rebooting life to the City 😉 x
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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 4:55 am    Post subject: Me Shiny Reply with quote

Small, Cold, Shiny, Metallic....

It's a tiny robot, folded up on itself, shivering weakly like a lost child.

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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 10:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh ho! How I've missed this! Excellent ideas all. So I have a phone*, a recording device, possibly with incriminating alien information on it, or a teeny-weeny robot 'baby'. Although it would be... mmm. ~thoughts occur~

Well, I'll put up a poll then shall I?

Oh, and...


Tikanni Corazon wrote:

Upon reading the two chapters, it would seem that the first part is most likely to occur post the second? It seems like the world has already passed the 'shit hits the fan' stage, whereas the second is almost like events leading to the time Max lives in. I'm not sure if that is the case, but that's how it's coming across. Even though it's fairly early on, I think I like Max, I hope to see more of him as the tale progresses.


Oh Max will be back ohyes. As for the timescales thing, this is possible, and AT THE SAME TIME, not. Very Schroding, er...

*Though I'm an Android man myself, so no crApple in this story ohno.


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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 11:40 am    Post subject: A DP after so long Reply with quote

Nice, voted!

By the way, Chinaren, you appear to be forgetting to change the post so it doesn't display as a chapter. Makes it easier for future readers to know what parts are story and which parts are comments that can be skipped. Since getting new readers in the late game is already hard, etc. etc.
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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chinaren wrote:

*Though I'm an Android man myself, so no crApple in this story ohno.


Yeah me too. Obsessive iPhone users are funnier than obsessive android users though.
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 12:34 am    Post subject: Re: A DP after so long Reply with quote

Lebrenth wrote:
Nice, voted!

By the way, Chinaren, you appear to be forgetting to change the post so it doesn't display as a chapter. Makes it easier for future readers to know what parts are story and which parts are comments that can be skipped. Since getting new readers in the late game is already hard, etc. etc.


Thanks Lebs.

Right, we're tied atm, so I'll give it a little while more. I can probably merge the two if it remains tied though. Shocked

Thank you all for participating so far. 5 votes is more than I used to have on some of my SGames in the heady days of IF, so good going. Though I guess there's less 'competition' just now.
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 4:46 am    Post subject: Re: A DP after so long Reply with quote

Chinaren wrote:
5 votes is more than I used to have on some of my SGames in the heady days of IF, so good going.


We never really found our audience, did we? Next thing you know, you'll be making banners, posting shameless ads/teasers, trading readership ("I'll read yours if you'll read mine"), or straight up begging for a little attention. You'll put synopses in the first post with links to the chapters. You'll ask for tie-breakers as a ruse to get more readers. I learned a lot about marketing and hype from IF.
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 9:59 pm    Post subject: Apocolypto Part III Reply with quote

(wrote this last night whilst waiting for anymore votes, but my internet was playing up and couldn't post it. This is another in the same vein as the above, so DP remains the same)

Part III - Assassin

Very carefully Shinto slid through the narrow tunnel. This was the most dangerous part, the place where he was most likely to be heard.

This part of the tunnel, uncovered through meticulous research in secret archives, passed between the guardroom of the royal quarters on one side, and general Matxu's office on the other. The royal cadre were elite, but Shinto was more concerned about the general. He was a legend, with skills honed on the almost mythical temple of Ho-hun.

So he used every trick, every skill, every stealth incantation at his disposal. He doubted there was any other who could match him in this regard.

It took nearly an hour to move through the two metre long section.

Even then, when he finally dropped down into the small, hidden room at the end, now within the royal quarters, the most dangerous part was still ahead. Yes, he was confident he could find the item and eliminate the princess, after all, she was only young, and all the rumours about her abilities, even if true, would be no match for his years of training. No, it was escaping with the item and eluding the inevitable chase. That would be the real challenge.

Shinto slipped into the corridors of the inner sanctum like a black cat on a dark night. Unseen, unheard he slid from one corner to the next, secure in the knowledge that the only people who were likely to be about were the royal family themselves, and possibly a servant.

It wasn't long then, before he arrived at the door. With a gesture to invoke the cantrip of decisive action, he slid the door to one side and slipped into the room.

Inside the room was sparsely decorated. At first glance one could mistake it for a peasants' room, but then, on closer inspection, you would notice the rugs, made of the finest silks, the trunk, desk, and chair carved by master craftsmen out of dark red, thousand year old mu-shi wood. The bed itself, with covers made from the wool from the legendary white mountain ox, and the pillow – flayed skin from the last of the defeated blue sword tribe, that now extinct warrior people.

Yet none of this concerned Shinto. It was the head that rested on the pillow that his gaze alighted on. First her, and then the item, no doubt in the trunk.

Time to act. He slid Silk Terror from its scabbard. The small blade was a legend in of itself, and tonight it would taste the blood of its highest profile victim to date.

Sliding over to the recumbent form, Shinto raised the weapon and, in one smooth motion, brought it down for the death stroke.

There was a breeze, and suddenly the princess was not there, the blade sliced the blanket, causing damage to that would cost a years wages of a village to pay to repair.

“Assassin!” Behind him!

He turned, even in his shock preparing for combat, pulling The Red Edge from its sheath. It was longer than Silk Terror, but still short enough to wield at close quarters.

The princess, a tiny figure next to him, stood with her own blade ready. Her pose was that of Undying Snake, an impossibly advanced stance for one so young. Still, Shinto responded, adopting the attacking position of Silver Fire.

They stood there for a moment, facing each other, evaluating.

Shinto moved, using both blades in a combination attack of Thrust and Slice.

The Princess moved. Her body impossibly sliding between both weapons using the Water in Air counter. Shinto could barely follow her moves, and had to do a backflip to avoid her.

“Impressive Princess,” he hissed, “but too slow.”

“Was I, assassin?” she replied, holding up her weapon. The steel was coated with something dark along one edge.

Shinto looked down, to see his stomach open and his insides slip out onto the floor. He gaped at the young girl, as she stepped forward and raised her blade once more.

- * -

Princess Xy wiped her knife on the body of the would be assassin before sheathing it. Then she bowed to the ghost of her enemy, as ritual dictated. She had no wish to be haunted by his shade for disrespect.

Protocol followed, she padded gently over to the secret panel in the base of her bed and opened it. Unrolling the purple velvet she looked at the shiny metallic object within. Soon, very soon, legend said, the time would come for it to be used.

She hoped she would be ready.


---

K, the poll tie is broken now, but I'll leave the voting up until I'm ready to start the next chapter. No doubt someone will tie it again. Surprised
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ooh, and, don't forget to add this SGame to your Favourites! (Top right of the thread).
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Started to read this new chapter and realised that nothing was making any sense. Why? Well, because I've spent the evening drinking, which isn't at all useful if one wishes to do anything productive.

Basically C-ren, I'm a bit tipsy and I just wanted to let you know that I have seen that you have a new chapter and I will get to it when I'm no longer inebriated 😉 x
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tikanni Corazon wrote:
Started to read this new chapter and realised that nothing was making any sense. Why? Well, because I've spent the evening drinking, which isn't at all useful if one wishes to do anything productive.

Basically C-ren, I'm a bit tipsy and I just wanted to let you know that I have seen that you have a new chapter and I will get to it when I'm no longer inebriated 😉 x


Cheers Cheers Tico!

Right, still not quite there yet on the next chapter. Soon my pretties, soon...
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 3:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I cannot for the life of me work out the direction this story is in, or even what era it's going to be set in! Though there's no specifics, the first reads like its set in a dark world far in the future, the second also in the future but prior to the first. And now this one feels like it's from way in the past. Of course, none of these might be the case, but I'm intrigued to find out how they're all going to come together regardless, as they're all so different.

Really enjoying this C-ren x
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is all very intriguing. I have zero guesses as to which way this is going, but I'm definitely sticking around to find out.

Also, voted! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MMm, better get on with the next chapter...
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“And then, the activation word,” Salzar muttered the rune under his breath, “and we have...” He paused for dramatic effect, Alice was in the front row of his class, and watching with eyes wide. “A Dark Imp!” He pulled the cloth back with a flourish, to reveal the minor demon underneath.

The class gasped, and jumped as one as the minor demon snarled at the sudden sunlight and leaped forward, towards what it would see as food. There were a few squeals from the students as the small creature hit the protective wards and bounced off the invisible wall, followed by nervous giggles.

Salzar watched for a moment more as the imp raged against its prison, and then uttered the words of dismissal. There was a small puff of acrid smoke and it vanished.

The class broke out into applause, and Salzar smiled a wry and, what he hoped was a modest, smile. His eyes flicked over Alice, and he was pleased to see her clapping as eagerly as any of them. It was a petty trick really, but always impressed the new intake, as well as lasses in bars.

Holding his hands up for silence, he waited until quiet had once again descended before continuing.

“Now, what you saw there was one of the most minor of all demons, but even such a minor creature is more than capable of killing even an adult human. You have all been warded of course, and your wards would hold it off, but,” he leaned forward to stress his point. “But, that was only the smallest of them. Larger demons would easily breach your wards. Thus conjuring anything without strict supervisions is totally forbidden. Anyone found doing so, who survives, “ there was a nervous titter, “will be expelled immediately, with no appeal. Am I understood?”

The class signalled their ascent, and Salzar nodded, satisfied. The demonstration was useful to show the viciousness of the underworld beasts, as well as impress the more buxom students.

“Now then...” he began, but was interrupted buy a perfunctory knock on the door, which was then energetically opened, allowing a small, wizened but still vigorous figure, to enter. The class leapt to their feet as the head of the school strode in.

“Headmaster,” said Salzar, as the mage paused to acknowledge the students.

The head mage ignored him for the moment, addressing the students directly. “Class dismissed,” he said. “Everyone out. Now.” Despite his advanced years, his voice held a tone of authority that few took lightly.

The students immediatley gathered their belongings and, with only glances at each other, and one to Salzar from Alice Salzar was secretly pleased to note, they shuffled out. The head stood impassionately until they were all gone, and then closed the door with a minor wave of his hand, locking and sealing it with another small gesture.

Salzar raised an eyebrow as the other mage turned and finally spoke to him directly.

“I see you are still trying to impress the girls with petty tricks,” he said wryly.

“It’s an important safety demonstration,” Salzar replied. “As you taught me in fact, Master Brull.”

Brull sighed and shook his head. “I’m sure if you applied yourself to magic as eagerly as you did chasing skirt you’d have my job by now. Still, I’m not here to rehash old arguments. Something urgent has come up.” He walked over to the nearest chair and slumped into it, looking worried.

Slazar frowned, this was not typical behaviour from his old mentor.

“Tell me,” he said.

“Sit,” directed Brull, pointing at the chair next to him, and waited until Salzar had done so before continuing. “There’s a time of Convergence approaching,” he said, getting directly to the point. “And there’s...”

“Hold on, hold on.” Salzar held up a hand. “A what?”

“Oh my boy! Your studies...” Brull trailed off. “Never mind.” He leaned forward. “Every so often, maybe as far apart as one in a hundred thousand years, maybe as often as a decade, the bonding forces of the universes come into alignment. What does this mean?” he asked.

“Alignment? Oh, the barriers between them weaken. I thought that imp was easier to conjure than usual,” he added.

“Exactly, this sort of alignment happens all the time, usually with two or three, maybe four dimensions aligning. However, a Convergence is when all of the dozens of the universes align. This has a exponential affect, weakening the barriers far more than usual.”

“Right, of course.”

“Now, every so often, for reasons we’re not totally sure of, though it may have to do with the possible undiscovered dimensions, this Convergence is even stronger than usual. There’s even a possibility, not great but still, that some of the barriers may partially, or even totally collapse. I don’t have to tell you what this would mean.”

“Devastation,” said Salzar, appalled at what he was hearing.

“Exactly. As a result, the first college of Mages created a device to strengthen the barriers until the danger had passed. This device was a massive undertaking, as you could probably imagine, and it has only been used twice in all this time, the last being well over three thousand years ago.”

“The Great Sorceress Pu,” said Salzar. “So the stories...”

“Were true,” Brull nodded.

“So, what then?”

“There’s a problem,” Brull carried on. “The device has, possibly by malicious means, we’re still investigating, been broken up and scattered through a number of dimensions. It’s practically impossible to destroy, and, because of its nature, we can easily track it on this plane.”

Light slowly dawned. “Oh no, so you’re saying...” Salzar pushed his chair back impulsively.

“That’s right, we need someone to go and gather the pieces.”

“And you chose me? Why me? And why not a team?”

“You know very well why,” Brull replied, crossly. “The energy transfer between universes makes transporting multiple people at once much harder. Besides, there aren’t enough of us to spare.”

“Oh, so I’m ‘spare’ now am I?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You know very well that you are one of the most powerful mages here, even if you are a lazy, womanising lech who doesn’t study. Plus you have a knack for interdimensional stuff, probably all that imp summoning practice. And you’re good with combat spells.”

“But...”

“No buts,” Brull slammed a hand down on the desk in front of him, suddenly angry. “It’s been decided, you’re going. I don’t like it any more than you, but the decision’s been made. Prep your stuff, you leave tomorrow.”

Salzars’ eyes widened. “Tomorrow?” he squeaked. It looked like he wouldn’t be making any progress with Alice then.

>>>

Okay then, pushed this one out in McDonalds. So, here I’d like to know where he goes first. It could be to one of the places in one of the previous episodes, or somewhere totally else. Ideas for universes please. Smile

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 2:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think either of the two places we've seen could be fun.

Otherwise:
  • An undersea world populated by many races of intelligent creatures who all live in fear of the giant serpent Leviathan (who maybe has swallowed the piece of the device)
  • A post-apocalytic world devastated by a nuclear war in which any metal is prized above all else
  • A world of wizards in which inhabitants live to compete in deadly magical competitions
  • A constantly-shifting dreamscape created by the mind of an eight year old boy
  • A dystopian future controlled by a giant corporation with a mostly robot workforce
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've only gotten through the first post but great stuff.

Quote:
Well, I can still type at least, whether this can be classed as writing, we'll see


If this...
Quote:
Hey. No, Hell, that was it. Some kind of life after death for those who had lived less than perfect lives, if he recalled his mythology classes. Well, perhaps Zhong had made a mistake when he came up with the Unifying theory which finally disproved religion. He'd obviously forgotten to carry a one or something. He was dead and in Hey...Hell.

... isn't writing then I might as well never try again. So much good stuff packed into this paragraph. The cadence and the pretty splayed out observations really drew me in.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This reply is for Chapter 2?

Oooooooo, this s**t just got good.

There are many instances in which you paint a picture that I love, you say everything that needs to be said in such a deep and succinct way. For example...

Quote:
Eyes that had seen too much, eyes that even the dead wouldn't envy.


This one happens to be my favorite among them. The others are...

Quote:
The bat still had some ominous dark stains on it from that incident
and

Quote:
intent on the business of drinking hard and forgetting the real world as quickly and thoroughly as possible.


I like the tone and tempo, can't wait to see where it goes.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2019 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really liked this chapter, nicely done!

Maybe it's just me, but I had to go back and re-read the first two chapter that you'd written because there are now four interesting storylines, and I really don't want to forget details in any of them. For that reason alone, I'm rooting for one of the universes you've already written about. I'm saying Dave's world now.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rocking. Thanks for all the nice words guys, I'm happy that I haven't apparently forgotten how to write. Smile

ANyhoo, I'll poll this once I'm in a more stable location!
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:38 am    Post subject: Tidy Reply with quote

Good chapter, I'm really seeing it. Getting a Colour of Magic groove vibe, which sounds interesting.

I'm with Vishal, I'd like to revisit and get to know more about the device.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 12:33 pm    Post subject: Apocolypto - Chapter 1 - Salzar Reply with quote

“The pentagram is complete Master.” The junior mage bowed very slightly as Brull nodded in acknowledgement.

“I hope you slept well last night,” the master said, turning to Salzar. “Dimensional transference can be traumatic.”

“I’m well aware, as you know,” replied Salzar, somewhat brusquely. He was still angry about being blind sided by this whole affair.

Nodding, Brull reached into his robe and pulled out several items, which he passed to Salzar one at a time as he explained. “Right, here is an energy wand. It’s fully charged, but you should use it sparingly, you know how much energy each use goes through. And here’s something a bit more basic.” He handed over a sheathed short sword. “It’s been enchanted with as much power as it would hold, so be careful not to chop parts of yourself off. Finally, here.” The final device was a small mechanical thing, similar to the pocket watches that were popular with the non-magical population. “This is a pointer. It will guide you to the nearest piece of the artefact. If there are no pieces on the plane you’re on, it will help get you to the next universe. Don’t lose it.”

Brull paused and put his hand on Salzar’s arm. “I don’t need to tell you how important this mission is,” he said. “Also, I wish I could spare someone to go with you. I myself would like to but...” he trailed off and shook his head. “Come on, we’re going to cast a few protective spells on you, and then send you off on your way. Unfortunately the nearest universe could be a bit rough.”

“A bit rough?” Salzar looked up from stashing the devices he’d been given about his person in alarm. “What do you mean a ‘bit rough’?”

“Last time someone checked they were in the middle of a war,” Brull explained, picking up Salzar’s rucksack and guiding him over to the middle of the pentagram. “Still, that was years ago, I’m sure it’s all over by now. You’ll be fine.” He patted Salzar’s arm and stepped out of the magic circle, to join the other mages who had assembled.

“Right, hold still, we’ll cast some protective spells on you first.”

So saying, he nodded at his fellows, and for the next several minutes Salzar was the recipient of just about every protective bit of warding he’d ever heard of, plus a few he hadn’t.

After the last mage had finished, they all looked at one another and took a few steps back.

“Right, here we go then,” Brull said. “Good luck Salzar. Ready?” This last part to the other wizards, who nodded in reply.

“Very well.”

So saying, the group began casting the powerful inter-dimensional spell. Salzar, having looked up the spell the previous evening, paid special attention. He’d never used it before, and, if he was going to succeed in this task, he’d be needing it a lot.

The magical forces began to build, and he felt something like a breeze, although blowing in a direction that lacked any familiarity. The force of the gale built, and the room began to dim. Brull and the other mages began to fade, and a grey mist descended about him. It thickened, until all he could see was fog. With alarm, he realised he was no longer standing on a floor but floating, being blown along by the strange breeze.

He floated in the void, and panic began to rise. Something had gone wrong!

Just as he was thinking of casting some kind of counter-spell the mist began to fade. Slowly, a dim light began to filter through through, and gravity started to make itself felt again.

His shoes touched ground, and then slowly sank into it. Salzar cursed. Apparently he’d landed in a muddy field.

“Dammit,” he swore, as the rest of the fog dissipated, looking down at his boots that were slowly sinking into a dark mire. “This is not a good start.”

There was a whistling sound, and he looked up just in time to see something land several metres away.

“What...” he began, before the explosion nearly knocked him off his feet.

“Holy shit!” he said, feeling his body. Luckily, it seemed as though all the wards had protected him against the blast. Without that protection he’d have been blown into small pieces.

As the smoke from the explosion cleared he took a better look at his surroundings.

“Oh, this can’t be good,” he said.

As far as he could see there was churned up mud. The landscape was potted with large craters, no doubt from explosions such as the one he’d just experienced. Here and there were what looked like, distressingly, bodies, or parts of bodies. Some fresh, others less so. Some distance away the remains of what could have been a small village squat like a horrible kind of mostly destroyed oasis. Further away still, in several directions, wire and other obstacles were placed in no-doubt strategic positions.

I’m sure it’s all over by now,” Salzar said in a mocking tone to himself. “Bloody Brull! Shit!” He winced as another explosion landed, not far away.

“This can’t be healthy,” he muttered, moving away from his landing zone and pulling out the compass. Flipping it open, he tried to make sense of where it was pointing.

After a few seconds he managed to work out the runes, and looked right, to where it was indicating.

Oh come on!” Coming from that direction, still a little way off, but definitely getting closer, were a large group of figures, all dressed in brown and carrying what could only be weapons.

They were heading his way.



>>>>

So, landing. What’s the plan peeps?

Oh, and don't worry, I'm not ignoring your suggestions, they're all going in the bank for later, it's just I wanted to get on with it a bit.

<<<<

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 10:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, interesting.

Does he expect the army approaching him also magical? He needs to make a quick assessment as to if he can take out the army with the help of all the spells that have been cast on him. If he can, I'd say he wait for them to arrive. They're all carrying weapons, sure, but they could be there to question him. which gives him an opportunity to learn more about what is going on.

If he doesn't think he can beat them, I'd say hide, run, use magic to take out whoever he needs to, but focus on survival and the mission over anything else.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm leaning toward taking up some kind of defensive position. Hopefully he has some illusory spell so that he can recon and figure out just what the heck he dropped into.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:38 pm    Post subject: If you can Reply with quote

If it's a meta DP, the soldiers are actually mistaking him for someone they're supposed to be escorting and they immediately rush in to save him.

If it's a character choice, RUN! RUN AWAY! He's already in the thick of it, best to find safety before going back to finding the artifact.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 6:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks all!

It's a character DP here Lebs, though any meta suggestions are always absorbed too!
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hide. It'll be good to talk to someone at some point to get our bearings, but it doesn't look like these are the best people or the best time.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Key wrote:
... but it doesn't look like these are the best people or the best time.


Gosh, I'm shocked Key. Don't they say you shouldn't judge warlike mobs by first appearances?

Or maybe I'm thinking of something else. Mmm.

Anyhoo, I'll leave this up a smidgeon longer before polling. The way I'm going to write this (I've recently decided), there could be half a dozen polls at the same time. Which could make things complicated. Mmm. Shocked
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:21 pm    Post subject: Chapter I Part II - Dave Reply with quote

The metal thing was some kind of toy. A small metal, old-fashioned steampunk style miniature thing, with a grill for a mouth and small red LED lights for eyes, currently off.

Dave frowned. What the hell was going on here? He glanced at the three bodies that now adorned his place of work, in some cases in various locations. His now ex-acquaintance had certainly done a number on one of them before succumbing himself.

Stepping over to the mostly-headless attacker he’d shot, he lifted the cape that covered most of the corpse. And screwed his face up. The body was steaming, literally steaming, and it didn’t smell pleasant. As he watched, the dead, for want of a better word, man, started to bubble and melt, taking his black leather garments along with him.

Stepping back, Dave watched as the assailant slowly and goo-ily spread out on his floor, staining it irretrievably no doubt.

“Well, that’s the most fucked up thing I’ve seen in a while,” he said to himself. He glanced up. The bar was empty. All the patrons had obviously decided weird human-like people who melted were a step too far.

“Early closing then,” Dave muttered. He looked at the tiny robot in his hand again. If the stranger was to believed the melted men were after this. Turning it over, he noticed a tiny button at the base of the back. He pressed it.

Immediately the little machine became active, moving in an impossible, almost human-like way. It’s head swivelled about and the now glowing eyes focussed on Dave.

“Urgent departure from this dimension is recommended,” it said, in a smooth male voice.

“Er...Yes?” Dave replied.

“Urgent departure from this dimension is recommended,” the robot repeated, waving a tiny arm.

“Oh, well, sure. Um...”

“Holder is new command user?” the machine asked, somehow sensing his confusion.

“Yeah, sure, why not,” Dave said.

“Stand by for induction,” it said. “Hold device up to face.”

“What?” Dave asked, confused now.

“New User to hold device up to face,” it repeated.

Feeling foolish, Dave complied, holding the robot up and staring him in the tiny eyes. “Like th...”

His question was cut off as the robot’s eyes flashed, and a bright light pierced straight into his brain. There was a brief, but incredible intense, moment of the most excruciating pain he’d ever felt, and then a small beep.

Staggering back, Dave slipped on the gooey remains of the melted man and fell hard on his back.

“Damn!” he shouted grasping at his head.

“Induction complete. Reboot recommended if available,” the voice of the robot said. “Powering down.”

A distinct click followed, and once Dave could focus again, he saw that the small recorder’s eyes were no longer glowing…

Recorder? Had he just called it that?

Suddenly Dave knew he had. Because that’s what the robot was, an alien recording device. Without any conscious effort on his part, instructions flooded into his head. The only problem was they came at him way too fast to process, like someone babbling at him at full speed on how to build a nuclear reactor.

“Stop it!” he cried to himself. “Slow down!”

Immediately the flow of information slowed, and he no longer felt like he was drowning in a sea of words.

However, before he could do anything about this new information source, the recorder activated again.

“Enemy portal detected. Relocation recommended. Initiate transfer?”

“What? Er, yes. Wait, hold on a second.” Dave rolled over, wincing as he nearly cut himself open on the hatchet his dead friend had brought with him. Grabbing the axe, he climbed to his feet and looked around for the gun. If more ‘enemy’ were coming, that could come in useful too.

“Portal initiation urgently recommended,” said the robot, which he was surprised to find he was holding in his other hand.

“Fine, fine,” Dave said, finally locating the other weapon and, juggling the axe and the robot, retrieving the gun. He managed to thrust axe and gun into his belt, where they were sure to fall out and land on his foot any second.

Meanwhile, the recorded climbed nimbly up his clothes and stood on his shoulder, where, showing no signs of falling off, it began emitting a strange grating noise.

Dave stepped away from the melted man puddle and looked at the detritus behind the bar. Amazingly, standing amongst all the broken glass, was an untouched bottle of vodka.

“Just the ticket,” he said, picking it up.

Before he could unscrew the top though, the noise the recorder had been making stopped.

“Transfer initiated,” it said.

The world turned white.

“What the fuck!??” Dave screamed, finding himself floating in a misty void.

“User to remain calm, transfer is in progress.”

“Fucking transfer what the fuck help shit!” Dave ran out of breath, and was just gasping for air, which at least this void seemed to have, to start again, when the mist started to dissipate.

“Transfer complete. Target particle occurrence ninety three percent likely within twenty sectors,” the recorder stated. Then it climbed down into Dave’s shirt pocket and went still.

“What the fuck?” Dave repeated, but more in wonder this time, as he took in his surroundings.

He appeared to be in some kind of oriental fairyland. Pristine fields stretched out to either side of him, with various unfamiliar crops of different hues waving in the gentle breeze. Here and there some kind of field worker, dressed in what appeared to be green silk robes, tended the plants.

Dave himself was standing in the middle of a narrow road constructed from earthy coloured brick. It led away over a hill to his left. To his right it wound its way into a small village of some kind, with narrow, pastel hued dwellings that rose three or four stories high.

Beyond that, in the distance, more substantial buildings were huddled together on a hill. Resting on the summit was a kind of fairy-princess castle, with impossible spires stabbing skyward.

“???????”

“What?” Dave turned, to see a small, wiry man addressing him. He looked like the kung-fu teacher in the original Karate Kid, with grey hair tied up in a bun, and brown robes with dangling sleeves that covered his hands. A long dagger was thrust through his belt.

“????? ????? ????” the stranger repeated. Nodding gently and pointing at Daves’ hand.

Looking down, Dave saw he was indicating the bottle of vodka, still unopened.

“Er, sorry bub, no speakee Japanese,” Dave, the international diplomat, replied.

“???? ???? ???? ???? ?????” said the man, more urgently this time.

“Oh dear,” Dave muttered. “I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more Toto.”

The gun fell out of his belt and landed on his foot.


>>>>>

Rightee ho then amigos. The alien recorder finally makes an appearance, but I liked the little robot idea too, so, well, you read it.

Suggestions for Dave’s actions folks! Let’s hear ‘em!

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fun chapter! I enjoyed the imagery and I'm relating to the character. I want one of those devices now, I'll even accept getting brain stabbed.

I'm betting there's some way to translate with this device. Luckily it handles voice commands so maybe after it reboots we can just ask it to help us understand Miyagi here. If not, hand over the booze. We could use a friend, especially if we're still being tracked by dimension-hopping super bad guys.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2019 3:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

He takes a drink himself first. He probably could use one at this point.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Trying to get a translation's a good idea. If the robot/recorder can speak directly into our mind, hopefully it can figure out what this guy's saying.

If that doesn't work, offer him a drink. It seems like that's what he wants.
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks all, I'll leave this open for a bit longer. I may write another bit of this next, or return to The Other One for a quick chapter. We'll see how we go.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2019 2:42 pm    Post subject: What's it stand for? Reply with quote

Say, what does the WT in Apocolypto (WT) stand for? Or are we supposed to figure that out later?
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, I don't know how I missed this, but it's a great chapter. Love how this is turning out.

If we can turn on the recorder without alerting this man, then we should, and attempt to get a translation. Or offer the man a drink, and make a friend. Basically what everyone else said.
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Joined: 02 Nov 2004
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Location: San Diego, CA

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 8:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter Cren, cant wait to see where all this goes.

I'm pretty much in agreement with everyone else. I tried to come up with a third option just for the sake of having one but I'm drawing a blank.
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