Welcome to the IFki, the ever-changing guide and history to the City of IF.
WARNING: Exposure to City of IF has been known to cause severe brain damage, mental retardation, seizures, eyeball bleeding, violent fits, spontaneous combustion, death, reanimation, and a total disregard for physics.
We are not responsible for any injuries responsible for reading the IFki or residing in the City of IF. Read this at your own risk.
We reserve the right to hopelessly mangle the words of others into unrecognizable parodies of what they once were.
The City of IF is located in the land of Possibility on the planet US. It lies a short distance upriver from its chief rival, the City of OF. Up the River IFOF there is the Great Desert where the AHA confederation and Dark Lords who rule THE are locked in eternal warfare. Further south along the vital trade routes lies the City of IS. Contrary to rumor and to what one might expect from the presence of apedogs and the Banana people in the city, there is actually a great distance between the City of IF and the Bananalands.
The Early Interfable Age
The origins of the City of IF date to the ancient, legendary time of 2002. The founder of what has now become the City was one Marcus Keavnius. He laid the foundation stone for what he called 'InterFable' in early 2002. The location of the city was near to the Grand Internet Trade route, and this gave him access to caravans of adventure-seeking wanderers. At that time the founders of Interfable invented the early storygame. Little is known about this era; only a few scrolls of the earliest storygames still survive. The early Interfablers were wanderers and vagabonds, and built no cities. Interfable as envisoned by Keavnius was planned as a stopover for storytellers from the Trade Route, and was initially not planned as a city. The reasons for the development of Interfable are somewhat of a mystery, and further investigation has been abandoned due to the corrosion of the evidence.
The Late Interfable Age
In the age IF Year 1 the Interfablers began to grow in numbers, and coalesce into a coherent community. The opening of public land to any citizen, followed by the discovery of Idearium, led to rapid development. Soon the land of Interfable was seen as too small to contain the ambitions of the City pioneers, and they set out to build a new city on the ruins of the old, the City of IF. Some historians suggest that the Interfablers' discovery that banana-kibble fruit could be fermented to make the traditional drink of 'Red Bull' may also have led to the explosive population growth. However, this is pure speculation.
The Rise of the City Council
As the City grew, Mayor Key began to delegate more authority to the City Council, appointing each to "moderate" their own district. Although it is common knowledge that the City Council Members do not work at all, and have Sub-Councilors to administrate the affairs of their district, the Sub-Councilors have yet to have been identified, and remain a mystery. Notable events of this time include the exile of BS the Great.
Fables and Commerce
The next era of City history began in Fall of 2005, when the City of IF currency, the Fable, was introduced, which led to an explosion of commerce and prosperity, especially among certain citizens. Notable incidents in this time period include the raiding of the Random Gamblers (finally stopped by the construction of the Great Registration Wall) and the escape of Bob the Apedog (which led to an outbreak of Thwackabobitus).
The Era of Constitutional Monarchy
In the Spring of 2006, Mayor Key chose to give up the hustle and bustle of the Mayor's office and assume the title of King. He quickly retreated to the City of IF Royal Palace to strategize on issues of the City's construction and on the expansion of naval and trade power. The citizens of IF elected Smee, a City Council Member, Mayor, and he quickly assumed the Mayoral Powers.
Smee stepped down after 6 successful months in office citing exhaustion and other excuses, and in the Fall of 2006, the election was won by Chinaren.
Chinaren led the city wisely and with ruthless discipline for a year, beating off Idea Master to stay in office for two terms. The city enjoyed great prosperity and was generally referred to as a 'Golden age' of IF, at least according to the literature of the time, which was co-incedentally all published by Chinaren Inc. publishing. These reference books go on to say: 'It was the height of civilisation, and all* citizens were content with the benevolent rule of Chinaren the Great.' ...so it must be true.
After a year of Office, Chinaren decided to step down, citing lazyness as a reason. The fourth mayor of IF was soon elected, and the more benevolent CrunchyFrog stepped into the hallowed halls.
CrunchyFrog was the first female Mayor, and the greenest. To celebrate the change, the citizens rose up in a show of support, and many donned greeen garb. Even the city was painted green, with hardly toxic at all paint sold at overpriced rates from Chinaren Inc. paints emporium.
Soon even Crunchyfrog tired, and after one term in office, she stepped aside, allowing another to take her place.
The race for the fifth mayor was vicious and bloody, and bodies were almost daily swept from the streets. The price of Lordy meat pies plummeted as the race raged between the three vote leaders, Lilith, LordoftheNight, and newcomer Sir Wax.
In a battle filled with devious deceptions, ruthless lies and brutal betrayals, the vote went to two rounds for the first time ever, and finally Sir Waxalot emerged battered but triumphant. He immediately set about performing acts of violent retaliation for those who voted against him, as is traditional for the Mayoral office.
NeverNevergirl became IF's sixth mayor after Sir Waxalot absconced from the position. Sadly some unknown agents kidnapped the fair NeNe, once again leaving the City absent a mayor.
With grand style, and torn robes, Smee once again returned to the City having succeeded in taming the great WoW monster. He entered into an election with Crunchyfrog the only other entrant, making this the first election where both candidates had previously been mayor.
In March 2009 Smee went on to take up the reins once more and become the city's 7th Mayor, finishing off NeNe's term before commencing with his own and naming Crunchyfrog as the City's first Deputy Mayor to assist with day to day running and planning. When the following October of 2009 rolled around and another election was declared, Smee again went for it, only to be met with no opposition. In a unique event, Smee was re-crowned Mayor for his third term with no election vote at all, and Crunchyfrog agreed to continue on as Deputy. He would continue as Mayor until October 2010.
Yet Smee too would tire, and he would decline to run for reelection in the October 2010 race. The dependable and experienced Crunchyfrog would step up to the plate, defeating both Masterweaver and Thunderbird to become Mayor for a second time.
According to a City census taken a short time into IF Year 3, the population of the City was approximately 16,000. However, the vast majority of these citizens never earned any fables, or in fact were seen anywhere in the City.
This led to much speculation on the so-called "Mystery of the Missing Citizens" - some believed that these missing souls have been kidnapped to be used nefarious experiments; others, that their existence was fictional and intended solely to provide support for the Mayor's recent claim of a "99.7% approval rating."
The Mystery was solved with the introduction of new tools of Mass Exorcism designed by King Key and used by Mayor Chinaren to suck the soulless and the dead out of the City. Recent information suggests that their energy was used to forge Arena.
In IF Year 4, the City population was reduced to a more manageable 191. Through IF Year 5, the City population climbed above 200 and currently hovers around 350 inhabitants.
As the City became more developed, more real estate was sold at auction, private social clubs (or "guilds") sprung up throughout the City, which served the function of producing or reviewing storygames, as well as giving their members the chance to unwind from the hustle and bustle of city life. In their heyday four guilds were prominent in the City: the IFland guild, the Guild of Evil, the Fantasy Guild, and the aHEM Guild.
The Guild of EVIL eventually disbanded due to various Technical Difficulties, for instance, a certain debate about the Guilds Messhall - is elven meat really of finer quality than human? - and the disappearence of Bill, one of the Guild mascots. EVIL members decided to go their seperate ways, leaving the Guildmaster in sole charge of the glorious mansion.
New political parties sprang up to replace the vacuum left by these organizations, but these never really exited the lethargic IFians, and have slowly disappeared from IF.
The official City of IF currency is the Fables (also known as the "fatback" because of the appearance of City of IF Mayor Key on the 13F note). The city economy is based mainly on the storygame industry, in which raw Idearium, found in plentiful supply in the Idearium mines outside the City, is converted to storygame form via a process of posting, voting and editing. The City of IF also has a healthy tourism industry, and a number of other shops in the Marketplace (such as Zogby the Fortune Teller), many of which are owned by Chinaren Inc. At one point, the Marketplace enjoyed renewed interest as artists and critics flocked to it, though it has since been pruned in one of Smee's rather vigorous mayoral terms. Some speculate that this was a cover-up for a drunken party that ended VERY badly, but others, who definitely were not in said party and definitely do not look pointedly at DeadManWalking when he walks through a room, stick to the official line that it was not being used enough and the existence of the area was not justified by the traffic it received.
Communism and Socialism in the City
Parrallel to the rise of the City's monetary unit-the Fable, another force has arisen in the City. With the coming of frantic money-makers like Chinaren CEO of Chinaren Inc., some of the older elements in the City rose against what they called the erosion of socialist values. The most notorious of these by far is "Muaddib", who in some areas is endearingly (in most areas with annoyance) called 'McDibsky'. Muaddib is the founder of the City of IF Communist Party, head of its proletariat and only confirmed member. There are, however, some other citizens who subtly give their support to the comrade, but the repressive policies of Chinaren (who heads the Commitee for UnIFian Activities) have instilled fear in potential communists.
It is widely rumoured that Muaddib and Chinaren worked together in the fabled 'Lost Souls' episode. It is also believed that the current Muaddib is a clone of the original who had fallen to his death for the sake of Chinaren, and also that in the process he had obtained a massive I.O.U. from the capitalist CEO. Chinaren denies both rumours point blank.
For much of the City's history, it was ruled by an enormously fat Mayor, Key, and by an eager but easily distracted City Council. The City Council does however come together in times of crisis (Lost Souls Episode), and when some of its members have sessions in Muaddib's District.
However, In the current Era of Constitutional Monarchy (see History above) Key was crowned King in April 2006 - much to the delight of his subjects - and Smee was elected Mayor in his stead.
Key: from the founding of the City (March 2005) to the beginning of the Era of Constitutional Monarchy (April 2006) - subdivided into colourful ages.
Smee: One term (April 2006 through October 2006)- The Age of the Mage
chinaren: Two terms (October 2006 through October 2007)- The Age of the Furry Orange Fist
SirWaxaLot: One term (June 2008- October 2008) - The Age of Technology
NeverNeverGirl: One term (November 2008 - March 2009)- The Age of Passion
Crunchyfrog: Current Mayor (November 2010 - Present)- The Even Greener Age
The Storygame Districts
The City of IF's three storygame districts make up the heart of the City. The three districts are General Fiction and Experimental, the Fantasy Forest, and Science Fiction, Thriller and Horror. Each district consists of no-rent, public housing area where anyone is free to live, and more spacious, stately homes for those who have won the coveted Spotlight Competition.
Other places of note in the city include:
- IF Technical Institute - the world-renowned university for the development and research of storygaming. Find everything in here from tips and tricks for decision points to games such as Thwack the Apedog.
- City Auditorium - site of citywide announcements, auctions and Spotlight competition voting.
- Open Forum - a chaotic open-park area where anyone is free to speak out on any subject
- Linear Lane - A quiet, often deserted area gathering dust and unpleasant creatures designed for the "old world" industry of linear story-writing.
- Stasis Hall - Museums with the storygames of antiquity, including some relics preserved from the Early Interfable age. Holds many worlds whose creators need time to figure out solutions to the countless problems that suddenly crop up by the twenty thousandth century.
- The IFquirer (or IFQ) : The City's famed Newspaper reporting the important happenings of our fair City
The Archaeological Dig
The city's history is long and colourful, and some of the more ancient districts now lay buried under the current layout. With little evidence to piece together and sometimes just the memories of a few deranged members to go by, IF's archeologists strive to piece together a picture of the past.
- The Wheel - the City's long-running featured attraction, owned by the King himself. Relics from The Wheel district can now be found in Stasis Hall.
- New Storygames - A mythical place believed to be where all New Storygames began. It is said that citizens lived in fear of the malevolent creature known as the Head Eater, and only those storygames deemed worthy were plucked from this mire and planted in one of the Storygames districts.
- Arena - Formerly Traditional Roleplaying, a neighborhood into which a plague of demonic creatures was once banished. Key put them to good use in to-the-death gladiatorial fighting before using their essences to forge a vast battlefield in the Astral Plane.
- The Market Bizarre - A strange and twisted place for all things Fable-related.
One of the City's historic traditions (sadly long lost in antiquity) is the gathering of its citizens on the first Sunday of every month, for a storychat.