City of IF

[D-Lotus]

Chapter 547 (Yes, I've written that much) -----


Fate had made me a detective of murders. Finally, I fully understood my position among the lifeless lowly criminals around the world. I was their antagonizer, the shadow that made the fear in their hearts appear only like the tip of an iceberg. Finally I understood that I was the number one most targeted man in the country, maybe in the whole world, for that is how fast news of the mighty spreads among the sewer-dwellers and big chiefs of gangs that would make any citizen tremble. Yes, I was the defender of the poor, the honest, and the victims of horrible crimes. Now, and only now, I fully understood my position.

"Get out of the middle of the road, bloke, can't you see some people are trying to get through?"

I carefully retraced my steps torward the sidewalk and let the dog carts rumble past. The driver threw something at me, but I skillfully dodged out of the way. Using the deduction skills only someone like me could use, I deducted that the driver was mad at me, but the reason for it escaped my reach. Some people are just too crazy to be understood.
As I perspicaciously made my way through the streets, I became victim to my own hunger. I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten in hours, and the sack of gold wheighed heavily, along with my chair, on my back. You could say I am a strong, well-built man, but I, as all humans, have my limit, and at that moment, with the succulent and intense aroma of freshly baked muffins muffling my senses, I had reached it.
I entered the shop with the bag, and let it down with a heavy clunk on the floor. I ordered some freshly baked muffins and digested them all very quickly and properly, without waiting to get outside. I promptly asked for the price. The baker looked over my shoulder at the bag of gold coins with wide eyes, and said...

"Well, how much you got?"

I responded that five pennies is all that I would give, and reluctantly he accepted, eyeing me from top to bottom. I payed with my own money and left the shop, tugging the bag behind me. I passed a woman with a young child, and all of the sudden he shouted out joyfully.

"Look, ma, you never told me St. Nick carried a chair around!"

I wondered at my appearance, and at what had made the boy relate me wrongly with Santa Claus. I finished wondering and decided to head my way torwards Lessmarte's office. I didn't want to admit it, but I needed a 'little' help.
I took the train to London, and soon I was frolicking among the populace, my bag bouncing and my laughing echoing through the streets. Ok, maybe I got a little carried away.
Lessmarte's office was situated in a small cobbled street with tall, august houses on both sides. Ocasionally, people in fancy dresses came about. I looked at Lessmarte's office again. It seemed impossible that a man like Lessmarte could have his own private office in Scotland yard, but it was true, although the reason might be Lessmarte had cheated Holmes out of every single case he completed since four years back.
I walked inside the cool ofiice, relishing in the smell of flowers until I realized they were petunia's. I hate petunia's. A lonely third-aged secretary glanced up at me and smiled. Immediately I was offered cookies and Halloween candy from last year that never got eaten. I asked her what Halloween was, and she just smiled again while bringing me a cup of milk. I began to drink the milk, and for a minute, I was enchanted, I wanted to just relish in my chair and eat cookies. Then I suddenly realized that the milk was sour, I got up and demanded to know were Lessmarte was.
The evil enchantress third-age secretary told me he was at home, and therefore unavailable. I enforced my will on her and she relented, but not before offering her milk and cookies one more time. I refused again and asked for Lessmarte's address immediately. She sighed and pointed outside, torwards the dumpster.
I found him there, rolling around in the garbage. As soon as he recognized me, he got up and brushed some dust off his coat.

"Oh..uh, hrmmm, *cough*, *cough*, Hullo, Whichston, how you a' doing today?"

I explained my situation quickly, and he nodded his head knowingly through my story. Finally, I stopped and asked him what he thought; furthermore, I asked him what clue it was he had found."Aye, Whichston, 'twas a sure nice thing of ye to com 'ere. Proof? Clues? I only wanner to show ye m' new stamp collection."

I was about to abandon all hope on Lessmarte and leave until suddenly he recalled me to his presence.

"Whichston...thur might'a be a 'ew things a haven't told ye."

I listened silently and contemplative to his hidden secrets. With a pale face, I looked torwards the north, wondering at this man's fate. Then I decided to really abandon all hope on him. I left quickly as he began to tell me about his three cats, story which came after mentioning all his family matters and the time when some kids laughed at him because he went to band camp.
I came to the conclusion that if I had to do anything, it would be by myself. I came to a bench in the park I was walking through, and the shade beckoned me. So I put down my chair and sat in it. I put my feet on the bench, then I opened the map that was attached to the mysterious note.
It was a map of the village, and it was divided in one-hundred little squares. Everything was meticulously drawn, even the smallest tree must have been shown on that map. It was numbered like a chess set, the farthest square being j-10. I searched for square g-6. I found it in the northern part of the map, and on the square was a huge red x. If this weren't enough, there were red arrows pointing at g-6 all over the map, indicating it a little bit too clearly. I wondered at the intelligence of the person who was to recieve the map, but eventually shrugged and walked briskly to the train station.
____________________________________

I made it to the village by noon, and my path was clear to me by then. I had traced the distance and place signaled in the map many times in my head. I hailed a cabby and made my way there. I quickly rushed out the cabbie and "forgot" to pay because I was in such haste.
The place was the town cementary, a gloomy depressing set of walls circling the graves of the ancestors of the town. The door clanged open as I stepped inside. I examined the place, saw no one, and hid behind a bush.
Soon, I heard footsteps and watched as Holmes walked upon the scene. I was about to rise up but I became suspicious. I remained in the bush as I watched Holmes acting oddly, pacing back and forth in plain view.
I watched in silence for a few more minutes until another shadow darkened the dark doorway in the darkening evening. It was a huge man, and he had a huge name tag on his chest which read: Mr.Aghsdhsduggshd . I gasped. Holmes turned his head towards my direction, but was immediately distracted by the huge man's presence. A flash of recognition crossed his face.

"Aghsdhsduggshd, you idiot, I told you to come here with the money. Don't worry, stupid, I found it, I only have to take the money form Whichston, which will be easy, and then we'll be done. However, I would advise you to get out of here before anyone gets suspicious!"

"Yuh, yuh's sir."

Suddenly the two sisters of Carls junior came in through the door, almost bumping into Aghsdhsduggshd.

"Ah, community party." said Holmes.

"Not yet." said the man who had been cleaning the floor in the parakeet house, who had also just appeared.

"Great!" said Holmes.

"By the way, who's that?" said one of the sisters pointing in my direction.

I guess it was the chair and the bag of money I was still carrying that gave me away.

"I'm just a random chair." I said hopefully.

"Oh, ok." said Aghsdhsduggshd.

Holmes sighed. "Get out of there, Whichston."

I got up. "Ok, you people better be ready to tell me everything."

Holmes stepped forwards.

*Author's not: Warning, resolution coming up!

"It's all very easy. See, I had a plan to steal some money, I mean, this detective life tires me. I'm always giving the credit to some newbie detectives, so I'm broke. I figured how to steal the load, and it came out pretty nicely. I had to have some one to cover me in case I was found out, so I brought this young man (pointing to the young man) with me just incase. Well, this young man had to find someone stupid enough to cover for HIM just in case. So I gave this young man ( and here he pointed at the young man) the job to employ another to carry out our dirty work and cover for both of us. Too bad Aghsdhsduggshd can't read. I gave him a map of where to meet me with the money, and the note attached clearly stated it, but somehow, he confused it with "Kill the parakeet and hide the money", which shows why you shouldn't employ illitirate evil goons. He hid the money, and forgot where. So he continually killed the stupid parakeets. That got Mr. Carl Junior to stick his nose in. Fortunately, our young friend (and here he pointed to the young man) was the lover of one of the sisters, or both of them, I don't know what goes on. Anyway, he was telling
them about Aghsdhsduggshd's clumsiness at reading when their father came out that one night. So naturally Roger (and here he pointed to the young man) had to shoot him...because he couldn't think of anything else. Anyway, the sisters, unknowing who had hired Roger (and here he pointed to the young man) in the first place (Holmes did, for you "slow" people), came to me for help (they wanted revenge for their father without having to directly implicate themeselves as part of the evil plot) although they told their lover (and here he pointed at the young man) it was to cover up, since they thought I would never discover anything. However, on their first visit, they dropped some clues, like the drawings, which were some Roger (and here he pointed at the young man) had made, giving the twins orders to get their father out of the parakeet mystery. Then Roger (and here he pointed at the young man) went to clean the blood stains which could incriminate Aghsdhsduggshd, where we saw him first. Anyway, when I finally found the money, I got run over. Hey, wait, I just gave the explanation to everything like I always do, but this time as a criminal. Anyway, I acted like a detective because I didn't want anyone to think I was guilty....but now..."

"Holmes! You're a criminal! And you confuse me with all the parenthesis!" I exclaimed.

"Whichston, hand the money over."

"No." I responded as I brought out my gun. "Now all of you get moving."

Slowly, they all started bustling out of the graveyard. As we neared the town,

Holmes implored to me.

"Whichston, I've been your friend all your life...are you really gonna turn me in?"

Sorry the chapter is lousy, but I just suddenly decided to wrap everything up...anyway, thanks for following through, and vote on the last option!

[Hyperion]

Since I am the only person who replied, it is unanananananimous: Sheeluck gets thrown in jail and Whichston gets framed for robbery or something, causing Sheerluck to be taken out of prison for being a hero.

[Guest]

THE END


okay, now I'm just waiting for Key to introduce IF Dollars so I can get points for finishing a sotrygame. Too bad you read this storygame, Hyperion, it's not my best one...read Strange Green.

[Hyperion]

Right... Looking at your strange green story...

[D-Lotus]

lol, ok.

[Shady Stoat]

I definitely think Holmes should come out of this smelling of roses - and Watson should come out smelling of... well... horse poo comes to mind. That's the way the stories always go, and you wouldn't want to break with tradition, surely? ;)

[Hyperion]

This is a bit offtopic, but Shady Stoat, here's another quote from Terry: "Oy! What a nob! 'eave a 'alf-brick at 'im!" From Interesting Times... That perfect lord, Lord Yang or whatever who wanted to go to Ankh-Morpork. I always thought it was immensely funny in context. Or those sausages of Dibblers: "Made of many, many parts of pig!"

[Shady Stoat]

Hyperion wrote: Or those sausages of Dibblers: "Made of many, many parts of pig!"

"So fresh the pig doesn't even know it's dead yet" :lol:

Although I have to say my favourite is the chinese menu:

"Sweat and sore ball of pig" :P

[Hyperion]

Yeah, that was immensely funny... :D "I am Casanunda, second greatest lover in the world. But I try harder!"

[D-Lotus]

ok, I'll write the last chapter... :D