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The car blasted through the road and Ahmed managed to hang on to his seat. Ahmed now realized the speed at which the car was travelling at. Ahmed, though having a lot on his mind, began feeling the tension rise. He was close. Close to the answer.
Ahmed patiently waited for this journey to end. The speed at which the car was travelling was phenomenal. Too high for an HM Ambassador. There were hardly any turns and Ahmed hoped there wouldn't be any. His already hurting leg was beginning to deteoriate and Ahmed hoped that The Omar would have some medical facilities. The car began to slow down and reach normal speeds. It was eident that they were really close now. Ahmed couldn't wait any longer. He first needed to thank Omar, Adawiyah and Abdul for rescuing him. Then, he had to find out who Omar actually was. The car reached minimal speeds and stopped. Ahmed felt the strong fingers of Abdul undoing the blindfold. With Abdul and Adawiyah's help, Ahmed slowly exited the car. |
Quote: |
The car blasted through the road and Ahmed managed to hang on to his seat. [remove statement entirely as we already indicate the speed by saying we're blasting through the road] Ahmed, though having a lot on his mind, began feeling the tension rise. He was close. Close to the answer.
Ahmed nervously waited for this journey to end. [Again... simply remove original, adjust the verbage in the previous sentence to carry the message, and restructure the next statement...] This was simply too fast to be traveling for an HM Ambassador. There were hardly any turns and Ahmed hoped there wouldn't be any. His already hurting leg was beginning to deteoriate and Ahmed hoped that The Omar would have some medical facilities. [suggested rewording]As the car began to decelerate, it became evident that they were really close now. Ahmed couldn't wait any longer. He first needed to thank Omar, Adawiyah and Abdul for rescuing him. Then, he had to find out who Omar actually was. As they came to a halt [this rewording now removes the reference to the 'car' but says the same thing with improved flow., Ahmed felt the strong fingers of Abdul undoing the blindfold. With Abdul and Adawiyah's help, Ahmed slowly exited the car. |
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