Vishal Muralidharan wrote: |
A little feedback though, the first part of the chapter was a little hard to follow for me, but I'm guessing the disorientation and the confusion was intended, given what was actually happening? |
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He felt violated, like getting a sponge bath against his will |
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Figures in white or black streamed across the gray sky, carrying people like luggage behind them |
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Everything here runs on Time. You know how they say Time is Money? |
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This kind of shit is like seawater: the more you drink, the thirstier you get. |
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I think Vishal in particular will be interested to see the elaboration of a few things in the next chapter which will happen with any of the three options.
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Keep in mind I'm always interested in improvement but I'm also kind of sensitive to criticism Smile Just sugar coat it a little, thanks! |
Vishal Muralidharan wrote: |
I apologise if I offended in anyway |
Vishal Muralidharan wrote: |
But what if he starts earning Time before it's assigned to him? if he earns 5 minutes, does it mean his time ends in 5 minutes |
Lebrenth wrote: |
I just add that little note because welcoming criticism can embolden people to drop their tact and set their unfiltered opinions free. I'm not going to cry or anything, but I may end up losing sleep thinking about it because I obsess over my creative projects, a lot! |
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“Keep going,” Martin said. They had just started and it was a big city. “Is there someplace less fucked up?”
The driver quipped, “It’s not ‘If’, it’s ‘Where’. |
Novelest_Ninjagirl wrote: |
with the 'body taylors', you used the name Taylor, was that deliberate or a typo of tailor, the profession? |
Lebrenth wrote: |
The longer I can keep them trapped, the better |
Chinaren wrote: |
Wrote a long reply and then my wifi here went down and lost it |
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As for the DP, one thing I've learnt with negotiations is that if the other side is talking to us, then we have leverage. |
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He looked normal. Just some handsome late twenty-something black guy. |
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...the bodies around them glistening in varying amounts of sweaty nakedness. |
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he drug lounges filled with colorful iridescent smoke. Those that partook had bizarre reactions. Butterflies flying from mouths ~ convulsing spikes shooting out of every inch of their bodies ~ flesh turning to moldable putty |
Lebrenth wrote: |
The way I'm seeing it, the DP currently looks like this:
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Key wrote: |
I like the blackmail one, but I want to tweak it. We probably can't lure him into helping now that he knows we're a fugitive, but we can still blackmail him. Just threaten to tell the authorities that the taxi knew all along that we were unregistered, and helped us to escape in the first place. |
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