City of IF :: View topic - Twisted: Chapter 1 *NOW POLLING*

Twisted: Chapter 1 *NOW POLLING*

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City of IF -> Storygames - General Fiction

What should Rahul do?

Go to hospital, and work out intel on kidnappers

57%

[ 4 ]

Go to hospital, and work out intel on Akshay

14%

[ 1 ]

Go to hospital, and then meet up with the person from the call.

14%

[ 1 ]

Author vote only

14%

[ 1 ]

Total Votes : 7

Who Voted: Emperor, Key, Lebrenth, Novelest_Ninjagirl, scribe siren, ten11, Vishal Muralidharan

#1: Twisted: Chapter 1 *NOW POLLING* Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Mon Jul 29, 2019 11:22 pm
—
So this is a story idea that never really got anywhere, so I decided to make it an SG. Starting with a very tiny prologue. Enjoy!

"So... Who did you say you are, again?"

"I'm a writer" Rahul said. "I'm here to meet Dr. Mitra?"

"Sir, I can't help you if you don't have an appointment. You're aware that you're in a hospital? Dr. Mitra is attending to patients right now, and you can't possibly expect me to—"

"No, but I spoke to her on the phone and she asked me to be here at 3 PM" Rahul said, his tone a little firmer now. "Can you please check with her? Tell her Mr. Jannat is here to see her. She'll know. This is really urgent, please"

The receptionist stared at him for a few seconds, and then muttered under her breath before picking up the extension. "Hello, Dr. Mitra? There's a gentleman..."

Rahul walked back towards the seating area, positioned right next to the door, and observed the room he was in. Everything at The Regent Hospital was pristine. The walls were as white as possible, and every inch of the floor was spotless. Water dispensers were placed across the rooms, and multiple awards hung off the wall, each one acknowledging different departments of the multi-speciality hospital. Rahul quickly scanned them before he found the one he was looking for. The Excellency Award, presented to Dr. Mitra, head of Clinical Psychology.

"Too bad" he muttered to himself, before taking his seat. He glanced down for a second and caught a reflection of himself off the glistening floor. "Too bad" he smiled to himself. His skin had started to wrinkle around his eyes, and there was a very noticeable grey tinge to his beard.

"Mr. Jannat?" Mr. Meera had walked in to the room, and looked around the room questioningly. Rahul stood up.

"You're not Mr. Jannat..." Mitra trailed off, before the spark of recognition hit her eyes. "Wait..."

"Goodbye, love" Rahul said, and fired two shots into her chest.

Last edited by Vishal Muralidharan on Wed Aug 07, 2019 10:15 pm; edited 7 times in total

#2: Author: Novelest_Ninjagirl, Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Mon Jul 29, 2019 11:39 pm
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My first thought: "Well crap."
That's a heck of a way to end a prologue! And a life, I suppose. Definitely interested to see where this might go.

#3: Author: scribe siren,

Posted: Tue Jul 30, 2019 12:48 am
—
This is a great start.
So lady gets shot, but for what reason? Holding my breath for the next installment.
Clean place in a hospital, now its a messy scene. Love to see what others will do toward getting this killer into jail or even the death penality

#4: Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:26 am
—
Right out in the open like that! Is this perhaps a flash forward and we'll soon be exploring reasons why the doctor was murdered in the SG? Or are we perhaps going to spend some time in hiding?

So excited to see you're writing an SG, Vishal! Looking forward to the first chapter!

#5: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 2:29 am
—
Thanks for reading y'all!

Quote:

So excited to see you're writing an SG, Vishal!

It's pretty exciting to write one again. I almost forgot how fun this was Very Happy

The first chapter will be out this weekend, and I'm going to try and maintain a more-or-less weekly schedule for this SG. Keep an eye out! Very Happy

#6: Author: Emperor, Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 12:06 pm
—

Quote:

"You're not Mr. Jannat..." Mitra trailed off, before the spark of recognition hit her eyes. "Wait..."

"Goodbye, love" Rahul said, and fired two shots into her chest.

Nice hook! Very much looking forward to the next one!

#7: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 10:18 pm
—

Emperor wrote:

Nice hook! Very much looking forward to the next one!

Thanks! It's great to have you on board! Very Happy

#8: Author: Chinaren, Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:27 am
—
Good start Mishy! Sorry I'm late to the party, been busy the last week or so, and likely to be busy for a while, but I'll catch up when I can, promise.

#9: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 12:34 am
—
Warning: Strong language present

CHAPTER 1

Time: Unknown
Location: Unknown

BANG.

BANG BANG.

Rahul struggled to open his eyes. It was pointless. He couldn't see much anyway.

BANG.

He squinted his eyes, trying to focus. All he could see was a hazy mix of colors. Some grey. Some red. He blinked, and chided himself to pull it together, but the more he tried, the more difficult it got. The colors seemed to mix with each other and swim around at the same time. Internally, his head was screaming at him, but wasn't saying anything in particular. His insides seemed to burn against his skin, but he also felt numb at the very same time. Rahul tried to lift his head, but it wouldn't co-operate.

BANG.

"Hello" a voice rasped from somewhere in the room. Few seconds later, he felt the warmth of fresh water splash across his face.

"Drink"

Rahul tried to grab hold of the bottle, but his arms were chained to... something. He felt someone grab his jaw and empty the bottle into his mouth. Rahul almost choked, and definitely did splutter, but it seemed like life had entered his body again. Only now did he realise how parched his throat was until that point. Slowly, he felt the muscles in his body relax, and he could breathe freely again.

"Jesus looking motherfucker"

It was easier to focus now, and slowly things became clearer to him. He was in the middle of a circular room, and his hands were stretched sideways and chained to a rod so he couldn't move them no matter how hard he tried. The room was pitch dark, except for a solitary light place strategically over his head, illuminating not him, but a small circular area right in front of him. There, on the grey floor, he could see a disturbingly copious amount of dark crimson blood. Definitely his own.

"Eat"

Rahul waited. A couple of bananas, and a poorly made sandwich with eggs, lentils, quinoa seeds, and beets. Some coffee.

More water. His senses started coming back to him.

"Do you know why you're here, Vinay?"

"Rahul" he answered back.

"Rahul. Do you know why you're here, Rahul?"

"I know why you're here" Rahul answered. There was silence. Rahul waited a couple of seconds before he spoke again.

"It's the same thing everyday. You walk in, you feed me, and then you torture me. I'm telling you. I know nothing. I'm not your man. I can't help you. Please just let me go. Or kill me. End this, I'm begging you." he pleaded. Rahul wanted to cry, but he wasn't able to.

"What exactly is it do you think we want from you?"

"Whatever it is. I'm just a janitor for god's sake. I only mop floors. I am of no use to you. Please. Kill me. End this."

"Calm down, Rahul"

"Calm down? Fuck you". Rahul felt a stinging slap across his cheek.

"Language!"

Rahul couldn't believe what he'd heard. Language? They wanted him to watch his language?

"Fuck you. Fuck your kids. Fuck your family. Fuck your God. Fuck your work. Fuck your fucking voice. Fuck everything. Fuck."

Silence. Rahul could only hear himself breathe.

More silence. His breath was slowing down, his heartbeat was getting back to normal, and his rage was quickly being replaced by panic. Were they gone? Were they here? What was happening? Objectively, he knew nothing could be worse than what he was going through. But his body was still panicking. He was still afraid. He still wanted this to end. To be safe. To be home.

"Do you know what day it is?"

Strangely, a sense of calm washed over him. Atleast they were still here in the room.

"No"

"Good! We've designed it that way. There's no source of natural light here, so after maybe a couple of days, you lose track of time. Do you know if it's morning, or night? Do you know where you are? No?

Let me tell you something you already know. We're the ones who hold the power now. So you will behave. We feed you enough food to keep you alive, not because we care about you, but because we need you alive to torture you. I don't care if you're a janitor, or if you're the president of the United States. You will behave. You think you have leverage? You don't. I'm not torturing you for information. I'm torturing you for fun."

Rahul was silent. Torturing him for fun? What the fuck?

"Just kidding. You're not useless. You're practice"

"Practice?"

"Yes. Practice. You know, just to see if we're torturous enough. Before we move on to someone who actually matters."

"What?"

"I was kidding again. You do matter. We actually do need something from you. Or do we? Am I kidding right now? Or am I telling you the truth? Jeez, not knowing this must be like... um... what's the word? Torture?"

Rahul sank. "Please. Please. I'll do anything, just please"

Immediately, the chains loosened around his hand, and his arms fell to his side. Blood rushed into them, and he could slowly sense the feeling come back into his arms. Rahul first fell on his knees, then curled into a fetal position, and started crying. He felt someone pull him up to his feet, and then walk him out of the room.

"My name is Jannat" the man said, walking ahead of him. "Do you remember who you are?"

"My name is Rahul, I'm a janitor" Rahul said.

"No. Your name is Rahul Jaising, but you're not a janitor. You were sent here to spy on our country. You did a good job, but you work for us now."

Rahul sighed. He'd been found out.

"So what exactly is your game here? I'm sure you've recovered my files. What game are you guys playing? For every spy of ours your country takes, you know there's going to-"

"I'm not from the government" Jannat interrupted.

What?

"You see, you and I have the same enemy, but I have a very different agenda planned, and I needed the information that you'd collected to finish my job" he said. Opening another door, Jannat led Rahul into what seemed like a holding room.

"We've run into what seems like a snag, and we need someone, you know, disposable to help us deal with some stuff before we move forward" Jannat said, before finally turning around to look at him.

"I want you to be very clear about this. Just because we took your chains of doesn't mean you're a free man. We killed your handler, we erased the family you built, and we will not hesitate to kill you too if we notice something amiss. You belong to us. Is that clear?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing right now, really. Take a few days off. Go see Dr. Mitra at The Regent Hospital. She's one of us, and will be able to help with you some trauma you may have. And then. Well, we'll get to that once you're back. You have a month"

"Excuse me? One month?"

"Listen, you probably aren't going to heal even if I gave you the rest of your life. One month is all I can spare. Take it. And don't even think of running away. We've got eyes everywhere. Now go, Akshay will take you to your room"

Before he saw what was coming, Rahul was promptly blindfolded, pushed around, and then shoved into a vehicle. Before he could get a feel of where he was, the car jolted to a start and then sped ahead.

"Where the fuck are we going?" Rahul yelled, in panic, and then felt a hard slap on his face.

"Wow, you guys really like slapping people". No response.

Rahul could feel the car zip and bounce across the road, and instinctively clutched on to the handle. He initially wanted to keep track of the route they were taking, so he could find his way back to where he was held if he needed to, but they were moving too fast for him to process anything. Besides, it seemed like the driver was taking way too many turns, precisely to throw Rahul off.

After 15 minutes, Rahul felt the car come to a screeching halt. Immediately, his door flung open, and he was yanked aggressively off the car. With his blindfolds on, and his hands still tied behind his back, he was led into a narrow street, up a flight of stairs, and then into a room. His blindfolds were finally taken off, and he looked at Akshay for the first time.

"Vinay?" Rahul said. He couldn't believe it.

"Shut the fuck up before you get me caught too" Vinay replied. "I slipped a number in your pocket. Find a payphone, and make the call. Do it now. I'll get in touch when it's safe" Vinay said, and then rushed back out.

Rahul had to take a moment to process everything that just happened. He worked for KRS, his government's intelligence agency, and was sent to Audroloma on a mission, along with Vinay. He'd been yanked away in the middle of the night from his own home, and for the last... wait. How long had it been? Rahul pulled out a newspaper to check the date. 8 months. It'd been 8 months.

He'd spent the last 8 months being tortured, and was absolutely sure that no one else had survived. Who had captured him? How did Vinay get in there? What was going on? What was his mission? Rahul didn't have any time to figure anything out. He stepped outside his new home, picked a direction, and walked till he found a payphone.

"Hello?" Rahul said.

"Rahul?"

"Who is this?"

"Meet me tomorrow at Atti park. 4 PM."

The line went dead.

Rahul sighed. Too many things to do.

DP: What does Rahul do? See the doctor? Visit the person from the call? Try getting in touch with Vinay? Try to find his family? Investigate who captured him? Go into hiding? Something else entirely? You choose!

Last edited by Vishal Muralidharan on Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:14 pm; edited 1 time in total

#10: Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:38 am
—
Cool! A lot going on. A real nasty way to get started as the character, but I thought Rahul's reaction to his torturers was really done. The dialogue jumped around with labels so sometimes it was hard to know who was talking... except the power dynamic and tone was so dramatically different that you tended to work it out.

For the DP, we gotta get bearings and get fixed up. Let's go to Regent Hospital and ask for Dr. Mitra. He can gather intel while getting some much needed medical attention. I don't think she's an extra danger to him right now, as they already had ample opportunities to do weird medical stuff to him.

Pretty decent chance that Vinay set us up for the capture in the first place. I'm not sure we should have called the number. There must be something they still want from us or they wouldn't have let us go, and I'm not buying that they want to flip us to their side. They killed our family instead of kidnapping them for leverage. How could they possibly expect any loyalty after that? Pretty sure they're just fishing for more spies.

... By "family you built" does he mean a made-up family or is this our real family? Makes a difference, but I'm still thinking we should go to the hospital.

#11: Author: ten11,

Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 5:01 pm
—
Hm, if "Akshay" really is Vinay, that means she must have spent some of those 8 months working her way into Jannat's organization (or whatever it is) under false pretenses. Either that, or he actually just recruited her, and this seeming "rescue" is just more mindgames Hannat is playing with Rahul.
I think Rahul should try to work out which one it is. That isn't really an available course of action at this DP though, so for now, he should go to the hospital.

#12: Author: scribe siren,

Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 7:56 pm
—
Go to hospital and then call the contact information provided. And ask another time of day
I'm sure it's not any worry. But maybe just maybe his real family could still be alive . Cause u get people who lie to get you to follow every word.
Request is maybe just maybe 2 sides of a coin.

#13: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2019 12:48 am
—

Quote:

The dialogue jumped around with labels so sometimes it was hard to know who was talking... except the power dynamic and tone was so dramatically different that you tended to work it out.

You know, I was worried about this, but I decided to take the dialogue tags away because this chapter was very dialogue-heavy. I felt like there was a lot of "he said/Rahul said/Jannat said" repeating through the chapter when it was included. If it was difficult to figure out tho, I'd be more than happy to have repetition in my chapter if the trade off was better clarity. Do you think it's fine this way, or would the tags make it better, despite repetition?

Quote:

By "family you built" does he mean a made-up family or is this our real family? Makes a difference, but I'm still thinking we should go to the hospital.

You'll find out in the coming chapters Wink

Quote:

And ask another time of day

Is there as specific reason for this? Do we want to delay the meeting to get more intel on this person, or is there another reason? I'll frame the DP option based on this.

For the DP, I'm seeing three distinct options right now:

1. Go to hospital, and work out intel on kidnappers
2. Go to hospital, and work out intel on Akshay
3. Go to hospital, and then meet up with the person from the call (at another time of day)

I'd also like it if you guys could add this story to your favorites, by clicking the link on the top-right. Thanks! Smile

#14: Labels Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:05 am
—

Vishal Muralidharan wrote:

I'd also like it if you guys could add this story to your favorites, by clicking the link on the top-right. Thanks! Smile

Done

Don't forget you can favorite it too.

As for the dialogue, I know what you mean with the extra labels, but I think it's generally worth it. When you aren't sure, put them in. We can read past them quickly. When it's back and forth dialogue, you can skip a few, especially for short replies, but we might lose our place after a few switches. But definitely in a place where there this is a long pause, you should label it, like here:

Quote:

"Fuck you. Fuck your kids. Fuck your family. Fuck your God. Fuck your work. Fuck your fucking voice. Fuck everything. Fuck."

Silence. Rahul could only hear himself breathe.

More silence. His breath was slowing down, his heartbeat was getting back to normal, and his rage was quickly being replaced by panic. Were they gone? Were they here? What was happening? Objectively, he knew nothing could be worse than what he was going through. But his body was still panicking. He was still afraid. He still wanted this to end. To be safe. To be home.

"Do you know what day it is?"

Either party could be asking and there were a bunch of sentences between. Love that first sentence, by the way. Really shows his defiance and pain at once, and Fuck is one of my favorite words.

#15: Re: Labels Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 12:00 am
—

Lebrenth wrote:

As for the dialogue, I know what you mean with the extra labels, but I think it's generally worth it. When you aren't sure, put them in. We can read past them quickly. When it's back and forth dialogue, you can skip a few, especially for short replies, but we might lose our place after a few switches. But definitely in a place where there this is a long pause, you should label it, like here:

Quote:

Either party could be asking and there were a bunch of sentences between.

Okay, yes, I see what you mean. Thanks for the feedback! Very Happy

Quote:

Love that first sentence, by the way. Really shows his defiance and pain at once, and Fuck is one of my favorite words.

Thank you! Very Happy

It definitely is one of the most... versatile words of all time XD

#16: Author: Emperor, Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:51 pm
—
Sorry I'm late.

Quote:

Only now did he realise how

Is that word supposed to be "realize"?

Quote:

...Definitely his own

I'm just wondering how he knows it is his own.

Quote:

A couple of bananas, and a poorly made sandwich with eggs, lentils, quinoa seeds, and beets. Some coffee

I liked the staccato beat of this part here. Like here are all of these essential things he needs to live, but at the same time how they pale to what he is going through.

Quote:

Wow, you guys really like slapping people". No response

I liked this line, it further shows his mettle, or maybe his false bravado.

I think going to the doctor would be the best bet, who the hell knows how messed up he is.

#17: Author: Emperor, Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:56 pm
—
You know what never mind about that comment about his blood. He is the only one in the room besides his captor so of course it is his blood. .... I'm just tired.

Quote:

I have the same issues and don't mind it myself. Though I have also fallen into the trap of letting it go on for too long. Something I have found that balances things is after four or five conversation turns, reminding the reader who is talking. Or I will have the person who is going to talk next do something as they are talking or after to put make it clear. Don't know if that helps

#18: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2019 10:09 pm
—

Emperor wrote:

Quote:

Only now did he realise how

Is that word supposed to be "realize"?

Yes. But clarification, just in case it's needed: I learnt, and write in, British English. The American spelling is "realize", and the British spelling is "realise".

I'd also spell the words as "colour", "flavour", and"humour"; "centre", "manoeuvre", and "meagre"; and "travelled", "travelling", and "traveller". I'd offer to do a run through of future chapters for these differences if necessary, but these spellings are really ingrained in my head so I'm not sure I'd spot them all even if I tried ;-; (Here's a link in case someone wants to read up more on this: https://www.spellzone.com/pages/british-american.cfm )

Quote:

This actually helps a lot. I'll keep this in mind, thanks!

Thank you for reading, Emperor! I really appreciate your feedback on specific lines. Apart from the inputs I get, it motivates me even more to think about each individual line when I write future chapters. Great to have you on board Very Happy

I've added a poll now. While everyone seems to agree that going to hospital is the best thing to do, the line of questioning in each option is different, and while the effects of that may not be seen immediately in the next chapter, it's going to affect how the story flows overall.

I'll keep the vote up for a couple of days. Vote away! Very Happy

#19: The past empire Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 5:58 am
—

Vishal Muralidharan wrote:

Yes. But clarification, just in case it's needed: I learnt, and write in, British English. The American spelling is "realize", and the British spelling is "realise".

I'm accustomed to British spelling from a large collection of IF authors from the UK, but "learnt" still sounds so wrong to me Smile

Voted!

#20: Author: Emperor, Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 8:04 am
—
[quote="Vishal Muralidharan"]

Emperor wrote:

Quote:

Only now did he realise how

Is that word supposed to be "realize"?

#21: Re: The past empire Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 8:22 am
—

Lebrenth wrote:

I'm accustomed to British spelling from a large collection of IF authors from the UK, but "learnt" still sounds so wrong to me Smile

Hahahah oh god, I didn't even realise(!) that I was using British spelling while clarifying. I'm sure I'm going to spend all night researching these differences and why they exist now XD

#22: Re: The past empire Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 9:04 am
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Vishal Muralidharan wrote:

I'm sure I'm going to spend all night researching these differences and why they exist now XD

Pretty sure you can attribute the vast majority of the changes to Daniel Webster who wrote one of the first American dictionaries and deliberately chose to standardize some of the spellings.

#23: Author: Novelest_Ninjagirl, Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 4:15 pm
—

Quote:

Rahul couldn't believe what he'd heard. Language? They wanted him to watch his language?

"Fuck you. Fuck your kids. Fuck your family. Fuck your God. Fuck your work. Fuck your fucking voice. Fuck everything. Fuck."

I loved this part. It injected some levity into the scene without breaking the tension of what was happening to him. It's also how I, despite not being a very sweary person, would probably respond in that situation.

Quote:

"—You belong to us. Is that clear?"

"What do you want me to do?"

I don't know if it was deliberate or not, but I noticed that our man didn't agree here, and I love it. I hope these tiny little disobediences add up.

One thing that I did notice part way through is the lack of punctuation in dialogue. There should usually be at least a comma, I think?

The scene set the right mood of making it so the audience never quite knew what was gonna happen next, just like our protagonist. I was surprised when he was just... released. It's got my hackles up, I don't know what's happening next but I don't trust it. I also don't trust our 'friend' who slipped us that number.

#24: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 10:39 pm
—

Novelest_Ninjagirl wrote:

Thank you! Very Happy

Quote:

I don't know if it was deliberate or not, but I noticed that our man didn't agree here, and I love it. I hope these tiny little disobediences add up.

Very deliberate! 😉

Quote:

One thing that I did notice part way through is the lack of punctuation in dialogue. There should usually be at least a comma, I think?

Okay, I ran through the dialogues again, and I couldn't spot any errors. If it isn't too much to ask, could you please let me know where I messed up? I'd love to be able to correct it Very Happy

Thank you for reading! It seems almost everyone who's read the story so far has voted, so I'll keep the poll around till maybe tonight IST, and work on the next chapter over the weekend Smile

#25: Author: Novelest_Ninjagirl, Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:56 am
—

Vishal Muralidharan wrote:

Quote:

One thing that I did notice part way through is the lack of punctuation in dialogue. There should usually be at least a comma, I think?

Okay, I ran through the dialogues again, and I couldn't spot any errors. If it isn't too much to ask, could you please let me know where I messed up? I'd love to be able to correct it Very Happy

Not comprehensive, but I altered a few to show what I'm talking about. (It might just be a grammar difference between cultures, though.)

Quote:

"Hello," a voice rasped from somewhere in the room. Few seconds later, he felt the warmth of fresh water splash across his face.

"Drink."

Quote:

"Jesus looking motherfucker."

Quote:

"Eat."

Quote:

"Rahul," he answered back.

Quote:

"I know why you're here," Rahul answered.

#26: Warm ice water Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2019 5:33 am
—

Novelest_Ninjagirl wrote:

Vishal Muralidharan wrote:

Quote:

"Hello," a voice rasped from somewhere in the room. Few seconds later, he felt the warmth of fresh water splash across his face.

Oh yeah! I thought that line was really amusing. The "warmth" of fresh water! I'm assuming that's an India thing, because most water here in the western US is cold unless you deliberately heat it up and I definitely wouldn't have think the water was fresh if it was warm. I remember hearing "ice water" wasn't a thing in Taiwan. Is that about the same where you are in India, Vishal?

#27: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:06 pm
—

Novelest_Ninjagirl wrote:

Not comprehensive, but I altered a few to show what I'm talking about. (It might just be a grammar difference between cultures, though.)

Okay, I see what you mean. I think you're right about the punctuation. The only difference I remember is that in British english, punctuation is placed outside the quotation marks.

I've always written dialogues like this though, so I'll have to check, but what you're saying makes sense.

Quote:

Is that about the same where you are in India, Vishal?

In southern India, yes. I think the closer you are to the equator, the hotter it is, and so the water is just warmer. Haven't thought much about it, but fresh water being warm is just something I've been accustomed to all along ;-;

#28: Author: Vishal Muralidharan, Location: City Of IF!

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2019 8:10 pm
—
Also, poll closed! Here are the results:

Go to hospital, and work out intel on kidnappers-57%[4]
Go to hospital, and work out intel on Akshay-14%[1]
Go to hospital, and then meet up with the person from the call-14% [1]
Author vote only-14%[1]

This story is already taking a different shape than what I'd originally written, so I'm loving it Very Happy

I'll be working on the next chapter now, and you should see it up in a short while. Thanks everyone!

#29: Bumping author Author: Lebrenth, Location: Utah

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 9:20 am
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How's the chapter coming along, Vishal? You didn't forget about us, did you?

City of IF -> Storygames - General Fiction

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