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Heavy Metal - Chapter 17: Glimpses of Destiny

 
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:57 am    Post subject: Heavy Metal - Chapter 17: Glimpses of Destiny Reply with quote

Heavy Metal
Chapter 17
Glimpses of Destiny



The spiked cactus girl and the golden scaled serpent man both slunk into crouched, ready to pounce postures just a few steps away from Thomas. Both promised a fatally venomous conclusion to his holy crusade.

Behind him, a cocked pistol menaced his skull, its wielder demanding his surrender. Surely the gunman is not aware of the beasts before me, Thomas considered. Regardless, the threats in front and behind were not his only concerns.

From thousands, perhaps millions, of miniscule pinpricks coating the front of his body, a light, vertigo-inducing toxin threatened to overwhelm and shut down his nervous system. His joints ached, the slightest twitch forcing a fiery inferno to rage through his senses. If not for the holy light swelling within him, battling the blaze, he was certain he would have fallen unconscious already.

Though the situation seemed hopelessly overwhelming, Thomas reminded himself, Lord, you never put us in positions we are not suited to overcome. Closing his eyes, he prayed, Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. Lord, show me the way and the path through this darkness.

As he closed his eyes, his mind’s eye opened.

~

Thomas pressed his head gently backwards against the barrel of the pistol behind him. He could smell the oil on the gun – apparently it was well maintained. This man was a professional.

Eyes remaining sealed shut, Thomas recognized the need to buy time to gather the holy energies within him. It was a struggle to divert those forces from combating the venom in his veins, but if this worked, it would be worth it.

He could hear his enemies before him hissing as they approached. But the tainted would delay as he spoke; their curiosity would compel them to pause.

“When the Hebrews were led out of the desert, away from their Egyptian enslavement to their promised land of Milk and Honey, they encountered severe resistance from the petty Chieftains and Kings of the nations that lay in their path. They warred. They laid waste to civilizations for the Lord’s glory – to enact punishments decried by God, for those people’s ways of life were amoral and bereft of redeemable value.”

It’s working… I have them distracted, Thomas noted as all had gone silent to see what he was getting at.

“During these long and arduous battles, the Hebrew warriors were invariably outnumbered, at times in hundreds to thousands.

Yet, two things were repeatedly true of these battles.

The Hebrew warriors always took few to no casualties.

And they were always victorious.

What, then, was the one thing that could possibly explain this?”

Thomas paused for dramatic effect, his voice rising to proclaim, “They had GOD on their side!”

As he opened his eyes, the light of a thousand stars glared forth, washing the scene in its holy luminance.

The girl and her reptilian companion both shrieked in pain and terror, retreating to hide behind the alcoves of the elevator lift, their flesh searing where the light caressed their skin, revealing their abhorrent natures.

Thomas was about to turn and dart away, but a voice behind him gruffly responded, “Yeah, well… that all took place before we invented guns!”

A thunderous blast exploded behind Thomas’s ears and all went black.

~

Ok, so that doesn’t work… Thomas considered. He’s more prepared to fulfill his threats than I had presumed. Let’s try a new approach then. The silent approach.

His fingers quivering, Thomas nodded and replied, “Very well, you have me at your mercy. But I warn you, I am poisoned and may not be able to reach as high as you like.” As he raised his arms, his hand crossed the path of his belt, his fingers deftly grasping at a vial there. Stealthily, he pulled the vial free, palming it such that, hopefully, the man behind him would not notice it in his grip.

The hissing serpent man pounced. Fang’s dug deep into Thomas’s throat as he was pushed back into the gunman behind him, throwing the pistol at his nape aside as they tumbled to the floor.

As venom coursed into his jugular, the world began to fade. All around him gunfire flung projectiles wildly about, but while his reptilian assailant was thrown off of him by a hail of bullets, nothing could reverse the course of the deadly poison.

Thomas’s body began to breakdown from the inside out. Twitching and convulsing, his tongue grew swollen, his jaw locked shut, his muscles seized and contorted and the world went black.

~

That’s not it either. Thomas realized. I could hide the vial from the man behind me but as soon as the Tainted took notice, they attacked. And that snake-man is all too deadly to ignore. I must set them on each other then. Take myself out of the equation.

“Sir,” Thomas spoke, addressing the gunman, “I am at your mercy. But I am poisoned, and can hardly stand. Besides… they are your enemy, not I.” Collapsing, Thomas allowed the man behind him to get a view of the approaching Tainted, the threat of death written on their snarling lips.

“KAPE!” the camouflaged man with single silver stars on his lapels shouted as he realized what scene was revealed past Thomas. “What have you done to him you BASTARDS!?!” The General pulled the trigger on his pistol, sending an automated torrent of bullets at the Tainted.

BRATATATATATAP!

Blood sprayed from the snake-man’s shoulder and spouted from the Cactus girl’s waist. Both howled in pain and frustration, ducking back behind the elevator alcoves to avoid further injury.

Thomas rolled onto his back, praying for the healing light of God to eject the needles coating him.

As his head lolled to the side, he witnessed a SWAT officer firing his rifle into the elevator lift compartment after the retreating Tainted. Meanwhile, a lump of a body at the base of the officer’s feet flared with crimson aura.

Rising behind the officer, the Tainted hefted a silver pick and jammed it down through the officer’s spine with a hideous crack. Blood welled up from the officer’s mouth and his eyes went lifeless.

Hearing a pained grunt behind him, the General spun to witness the murder as the SWAT officer slid off the bloodstained silver pick. The officer’s eyes stared lifelessly into space as his corpse lay still bleeding across the floor.

Howling in rage, the General poured gunfire into the snarling white-bearded hunchback, whose cheek appeared to have been torn off in a particularly gruesome manner, the skin peeled back to reveal bloody facial bone structure beneath, his left eyelid torn from his visage giving his glowing blue eye a menacingly undead glare.

The old prospector merely cackled in laughter as the General’s bullets ripped through his frame, small splatters of blood coating the elevator doors behind him. Ignoring the projectiles tearing through his flesh, he hefted his pick, growling, “You’re gonna’ die Army man. You kin’ feel it in yer bones, cantcha? Cuz ya can’t kill that which’s already dead!”

Shouts and hollers from behind that elevator leaked through a growing gap in the doors there. Apparently more members of the SWAT team were attempting to get through, into the hall, and were encountering a lead storm thrown from the General.

Thomas glanced towards the other two Tainted as they slunk around the elevator doorway. His healing was having an effect, but it was taking longer than he’d expected. He still felt terribly weak from the spines’ venom.

But to Thomas’s surprise, the two parted past the elevator entrance, allowing a glowing, azure apparition to pass between them. The spirit radiated red in Thomas’s sight, a clash of blue and crimson.
Garbed in equally disembodied leather clothing, the wraith was the very image of the old west. Its chaps faded out below the waist as the incorporeal spirit failed to fully manifest its legs, hovering along above the floor. Its leather jacket and thin, dead hair sprouting from a bleached and parched skull visage billowed behind the specter in an unfelt breeze. From its chattering teeth could be heard a hollow, distant laughter.

In a blinding burst of speed, the apparition drew dual pistols from its glowing leather belt holsters, aiming and firing in smooth, fluid motions. Azure darts of light tore through the General who turned to bear shocked witness at the spirit firing on him.

The General’s eyes were wide in terror and pain as he gripped at his chest where the darts had crossed through. He fell to his knees, frost forming on his hand where he gripped his heart, ice forming across the back of his torso. In a choked gasp, the General toppled, face first and lifeless, to the floor.

Thomas barely had time to witness the scene before a spiked grasp caressed his scalp, pulling his hair and yanking his head upwards. More spikes buried themselves into his cheek as the Cactus girl ‘lovingly’ caressed his face. The reptilian approached with a snarling smile written into his inhuman features.

“Good night, priest,” the girl hissed in his ear as the snake-man lunged on him, burying his fangs in his neck again.

While the SWAT team poured into the room, they encountered azure bullets fired through the astral space and a whirling silver pick, wielded by an un-killable walking corpse. Their flak vests were not prepared for such an assault.

As the SWAT team dropped like ants under a blowtorch, Thomas’s world faded, once more, to black.

~

Well… that was… better. Thomas mused. These Tainted are even more deadly than I had realized. I must prepare for all of what is to come. At least now I know a bit more about the man holding me up. Kape… is that the goat-man on the floor there? An ally of the General perhaps? Maybe I can use this to my advantage…

“General,” Thomas began, “You’re abominable friend, Kape is it? He lies dying before me and that which poisoned him threatens us both. I alone can face these dangers but I need you to trust me.”

“Kape?” the General responded, concern in his voice. “What have you done to Kape?”

Appears I guessed correctly, Thomas smiled inwardly. His ears told him of the Tainted reacting to this new approach with a bit more aggression. They would strike quickly this time. “Not what I have done, General. It is what they,” Thomas said as he threw himself to the ground in a lunge to the left, his finger pointing out the Tainted just before they pounced, “have done to him!”

Rolling to the side, Thomas came to a crouch, whispering a prayer for healing, which he knew would take more time than he’d like. He watched the General go wide eyed as the two Tainted threw themselves at the military man.

As a gunfire storm went off, Thomas shouted towards the SWAT member behind them, “Watch out!” pointing out the rising corpse as it raised its pick to strike from behind. Unfortunately, the SWAT agent couldn’t hear Thomas over the thunderous gunfire and the pick once more crunched through the lawman’s chest.

Glancing back towards the General, Thomas was disheartened to witness the Cactus girl with her hands wrapped around the General’s midsection – Thomas knew all too well what the General would be suffering from this assault. Distracted and in pain, the military man succumbed to fangs buried in his gun-toting wrist. The General fell to the floor, froth foaming up from his maw.

As the gun-slinging apparition entered the room, things went from bad to worse, quickly. Thomas soon fell to an azure bullet through his chest, freezing his heart from the inside out. The world once more quickly faded to black.

~

Ok, so that was everything I needed to know I think, Thomas considered as his mind’s eye came to a close. Though these visions took but split seconds to play out, any further delay would compromise his ability to respond to what he now knew would come. This time… it was for real. Thank you, O’ Lord, for showing me the way.

Thomas felt his knees quiver as he muttered, weakly, “I am poisoned, General. They are your enemies, not I.” Collapsing, he allowed the General a view of the oncoming Tainted, which startled them momentarily. This time, he had not given them enough time to get so close in their approach.

While on the ground, he grasped at his belt, palming a holy water grenade, simultaneously shouting, “SWAT man, look out behind you!” Just in time to avoid the General’s rapid fire splitting all eardrums in the hall.

Thomas glanced back just enough to note that the SWAT member had reacted enough to spin, throwing up his rifle to block the descending pick, effectively locking the Prospector in a hand-to-hand struggle.

Behind them, the doors of that lift began to wedge open, the SWAT team beginning to work their way through, unfettered.

But that spirit would be here soon. Despite the General managing to keep the Serpent and the Cactus hidden behind the alcoves of the lift with suppressive fire, the spirit would certainly be uninjured from such a conventional attack.

Holding off on the healing prayer, Thomas waited with the holy water grenade tight in his grip, gathering his strength while he lay on the floor. He would have just enough strength to…

Suddenly the apparition appeared, floating up through the base of the lift, cackling in that distant hollow place from beyond. As the specter quick-drew its pistols to counter the General’s startled gunfire, the General muttering, “What the Hell are YOU,” Thomas lunged with his shoulder, lobbing the vial through the ghost.

The act momentarily distracted the wraith as it glanced down with hollow eye sockets at its torso as the bottle passed through. The skull of the ghost contorted in a hollow snarl as it raised its gaze back up towards Thomas, lying at the General’s feet.

But it didn’t have enough time to pull the triggers on his twin shooters before the glass vial shattered behind the spirit, spraying a fine mist of holy water throughout the incorporeal being and all about the cabin of the lift.

The ghost’s head reared back in an unholy scream, such a terrifying howl that forced the hair on Thomas’s neck to stand on end as a shiver passed through his spine. It was coupled with the agonized screeches from the other Tainted in the lift as well. Even the Bouncer, in his subconscious reverie, growled as the mist seared his face, all that was left revealed outside of his fibrous cocoon prison.

Before Thomas’s eyes, the apparition faded from sight, dissipated, though unlikely vanquished for good, Thomas doubted.

A woman’s voice hissed in the darkness, “Screw plan A! Let’s get out of here!” A shadowy crimson aura leapt up the elevator pod into the shaft above, reaching down with a lanky silhouette of an arm to pull a vermilion feminine figure up through the gaping hole in the lift’s roof.

The General shouted into the lift, “Oh no you don’t!” Charging in, he laid down fire until his fully automatic pistol apparently ran out of bullets, leaving a hollow, repetitive chinking in the chamber. He roared in rage at the retreating shadows up the elevator shaft.

Thomas, meanwhile, turned his attention back to the emerging SWAT team. The SWAT member he’d warned had managed to keep the pick at bay as officers came from behind to slam the butts of their rifles into the backs of Prospector’s knees, crumpling the elderly hunchback to the ground. They grasped on to the pick and ripped it from the elder’s grip, tearing back his wrists to clamp them shut in cuffs. The unholy beast of a man snarled and gnashed his teeth in frustration.

Apparently, even the undead can be subdued with proper police procedure, Thomas noted with a wry smile.

Glancing back at the General, he caught a glimpse of a cyan pill being produced from the military man’s cargo pocket to be slipped into the goat-man’s maw. The General, a fatherly look of intense concern written on his face, tenderly rubbed ‘Kape’s’ throat, forcing the pill into the gullet. Though the goat-man had gone limp, something about the pill obviously began working immediately, and the strange creature began to convulse once more.

All of this reminded Thomas that he, himself, still needed to heal. Offering a prayer, he felt the warmth of God’s healing power flow through him as the SWAT team surrounded him, rifles cocked and pointed at his head.

Thomas came to a crouch, looking up at the circle of weapons trained on him. “God has saved your lives this day, gentlemen,” he announced. “Praise be to the Lord.”

They answered him with shouts of “LAY DOWN! STAY DOWN! HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD!” And Thomas felt the clasp of cuffs grip hard and cold around his wrists.

“Outta my way!” came a gruff shout from behind the gathered SWAT team.

They parted as the General stepped forward to stand over Thomas. “Hmph…” he said as he bent down and stared into Thomas’s eyes, seeing there the sparkle of the stars in his sky blue irises. “There’s something real about you, Holy Man,” he grumbled. “Let it not be an affront to God then,” he added, “that I require you to come with me. You have some explaining to do. And I have a lot of questions.”

Thomas was intrigued by the General’s approach, but had not let down his guard enough to let it slip his notice that the SWAT member he’d warned earlier was quietly conferencing in the background with a number of other SWAT officers. From the minute differences in their apparel, he could now deduce that this man must have been the Team Commander, now conversing with the squad Sergeants. What are they going over now, he wondered, an ominous feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.

Nodding at the General, Thomas stated, “I sense you will need to know the answers to all of your questions… and more. Sir.”

The General smiled and growled, “Don’t call me ‘Sir’ ever again and we’ll be just fine, got it?”

“Of course,” Thomas answered. Glancing at the name on the camouflaged shirt chest label, he added, “General Sternheim.”

“Release him! He’s under my watch now,” Sternheim commanded of the SWAT team.

“He’s the only one,” the SWAT commander spoke up behind the General.

“What?” Sternheim cocked his head as SWAT rifles suddenly rose and surrounded Sternheim, Thomas, and the limping goat-man, thrust into the circle that abruptly formed around them. “What is this?”

“We have our orders, General. The beast stays with us. As does that… thing over there,” the commander gestured towards the Prospector whom had been cuffed to his ankles and deposited next to the lift where the Bouncer lay cocooned.

“You can’t do that,” the General’s voice rose in defiance. “I am a General in the United States Army answering to the Chief of Staff and the President alone! Under those orders, I demand you stand aside and let me do the job I’ve been sent here to do!”

As a SWAT member moved behind Thomas with a key, unlocking his cuffs, the SWAT commander held up a cell phone for General Sternheim.

“You’ll want to have a conversation with the Chief of Staff about that then. He’s on the line for you.”

Sternheim savagely grasped the phone out of the Commander’s grip, viewing the screen momentarily before putting the device to his ear, shouting, “What’s this all about?!?”

All stood around watching the General, Thomas included, who glanced back towards the Bouncer, wondering where the behemoth’s life review was taking him now, and what the SWAT team command had in mind for him. Thomas would have to explain to the General later, how and why this turn of events was not entirely unexpected.

Kape, standing nearby, shook his head and bleated softly, still dazed and somewhat ‘out of it’ apparently.

“WE CREATED HIM AND WE’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM DAMMIT! I WILL NOT TURN HIM OVER TO LOCAL AUTHORITIES!” Sternheim shouted into the phone.

Thomas was just near enough to the conversation to hear a tiny voice respond, “General, let us keep in mind the chain of command here. This is coming from the top… from way beyond me. Apparently he’s become the affair of…” Thomas couldn’t quite hear the rest of what was said as the General turned.

All watched as Sternheim muttered, angrily, “Yes, sir. As you command. But I will NOT forget this. Nor will I let it lie until I have my hands on him. We need to study…” Interrupted briefly, the General listened for a moment before adding, “Fine then… I guess I have no choice.” Clicking off the phone with a furious flick of his thumb, he flipped it back to the SWAT commander as he muttered under his breath, just enough for Thomas to hear, “or do I?”

Was the General asking Thomas for his advice on whether to take the command of one of his few superiors? Thomas paused to consider how this situation could be addressed. There was certainly a great assortment of firepower to face down if they were to attempt resistance, and an untold amount of legal trouble for the General if he were to take such a stand. What that meant to Thomas, he could not be sure, though he sensed he might have a potent, long-term ally in this star-lapelled man if he played his cards right.

But could he allow these Tainted to go with the local authorities? Thomas had a strong suspicion that such a decision would only allow the Tainted to go free – and not just as a result of the local law’s inability to contain them.

Someone was calling some very high level shots here, and Thomas had a strong notion he knew who that could be. After all, he’d been hunting this elusive political figure for most of his crusading career. Only now did he begin to understand just how powerful that figure really was.

_________________

CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...


Last edited by Thunderbird on Tue May 31, 2011 2:12 am; edited 4 times in total
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:35 pm    Post subject: YES! Reply with quote

Mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I feel evil all over! Take'em on! You can do it!!! You have God on your side, and all things are possible by His grace. These are untainted peoples. Be neat if Thomas had some sway with the God fearing public....But that's besides the point! Unless the guys have orders to kill if there is resistance, Kape, even in his weakend state, should be more than enough for the gathered troopers. I'm sure if Thomas can stall them all in some little way, Y'know, give some interesting info, he'd be great help too. Perhaps go along with them fer a bit, but when it seems like they're seperating the general and Thomas fron Bouncer and the Prospector, make their move! Kukukukuku *Evil feeling passes*

Very good chapter. Had me all tingly and jumpy with all those 'Options'. Much funness! There are a few lines that had me stumbling...near the beginning I belive....Lemme see...

"The spiked cactus girl and the golden scaled serpent man both slunk into crouched, ready to pounce, statures just a few steps away from Thomas, both promising a venomous, fatal, conclusion to his holy crusade."

The comma placement threw me here, and the wording gave me a little trouble....

I can't find any more right now, but I know there are a few sticky spots...

Anyway, wonderful chapter!! Keep'em comin'!!!! *Dances* I just can't wait!
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good chapter, I really liked the visions of encounter going wrong. It reinforces the idea that it can go wrong, which makes the story more exciting. Looks like you created a nice blend for the tied options too. It was wise to make them visions instead of time loops or something. I also thought it was amusing that the cyan pill was a healing pill, as opposed to a cyanide pill.

As for the DP, I definitely do not think we should fight the authorities at this time. The general and Thomas need to talk about some very serious matters, and I think they can help each other out. Overall, I think they'll have some very big disagreements, but in the meantime, they can work towards securing the others under better circumstances.

It would be foolish for the General to throw away all of the authority he has on some gunslinging stunt like this. He can probably find out where they are going to be sent and make some other kind of arrangement without compromising himself. He's to valuable as an insider to become an outlaw.

Short and sweet: Sternheim and Thomas need to plan an ambush to reacquire the targets at a later time.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with the others, good chapter, and very much enjoyed, as usual. Smile

I'm of the same opinion as Lebby, don't go charging in, all guns blazing now. Wait a while, give Kape and Thomas a chance to recover properly, and try and find out where they're being taken. As it is, there are only three of them, against rather alot more, all of them armed. With his connections, would the General have other friends/collegues that would have a loyalty to him, and might help them, if they were to make a move later?

There are also 3 (assuming Billy is still around) other Tainted out there, and they're going to want to get the Prospecter and the Bouncer back too. They're going to have a real battle on their hands, likely against two seperate lots of enemies, and they'll need to add to their numbers, if they're to stand a chance of winning.

So, long story short, wait, recover, find out where they're being taken, gather troops, and make a move later. ;-)

Loved this chappie, TB, and I'm already looking forward to the next one!

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for reading everyone.

Pope: yeah... I have some difficulties with long, convoluted sentences sometimes. Feel free to point out any others you see.

Lebby: I'm glad you picked up on what I thought would be a neat gimmick for this chapter. Thomas's Foresight ability should be his most prominent power and one that has gone undiscussed much since his introduction. This, I figured, could therefore be used to allow us to peek into an understanding of just how dangerous the situation IS, while at the same time, exploring the potential results of the various options in the poll, presenting the winning blended tie result as the only viable strategy for potential success against such overwhelming odds.

You noted the cyan pill eh? I wonder if you read enough of my previous works to understand the significance of it. If not, no matter - that forgotten portion of this story will all be redelivered soon. Wink

@Tika: Bringing up, once again, the point that the Forsaken may not have yet played all their cards was a valuable insight, I think.

To all: I just want to say how happy I am to see such well crafted responses. Its not just 'hey, great chapter, do this'. It shows I'm succeeding in getting the gears of the mind to crank over without being a laborious struggle for you (except perhaps after the last chapter.) And it also shows just how valuable you all are as readers. I greatly appreciate that. Thanks for being along for this wild ride! I'm hoping it continues to get even more crazy from here still!
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 5:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got about to it eventually!

I particularly liked the various scenarios played out, not just as a quirk of his gift of foresight, but as a way of showing us how Storygaming can go.

Bouncer, Kape and the Prospector might go free, eh? Kape seems fairly harmless - in fact the only one that isn't deranged. I think Thomas needs to work on his alliance to Sternheim, and really get him on his side. Make him 'see the light', so to speak!

Remind me again - wasn't the Bouncer one of the General's creations too?
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kape is not being taken in by the local authorities, just the Bouncer and the Prospector.

And yes, the Bouncer was 'created' as he is now (given his powers as it were) by General Sternheim's project - as was Kape at a later stage.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, it's difficult to understand everything that's going on, but I can comprehend enough to agree with the other readers that violence would not be the appropriate response at this moment.

As for the 'visions', I can see that you wrote it to satisfy our curiosities as to what each option in the poll would entail, but I think that when you clean up the story you should eliminate it or synthesize it. It's just tedious.

Also, I'm not usually one to enjoy battle scenes in literature unless they have a metaphoric value. You're writing literature, not making a movie. Make sure that you use language not merely for its representational value, but also to point at something beyond that. Something that you have created through a simbolic framework. The form is important. Question the meaning of every word you use-- that will also make your chapters less protracted.

Maybe it's because I've recently been reading a lot of narrative poetry, but I feel as though what you really need to work on is creating a style-- refining your own particular lyricism and idiosincrasies of syntax. Your story is too dry, although sometimes there are sparks which delight me (in this chapter, I'd say it was the beginning with the biblical quotes. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death, now THAT is narrative poetry, THAT is utilizing form to its ultimate extent, THAT is a masterpiece). I'm being harsh because I know you've got talent.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

D wrote:
You're writing literature, not making a movie.

How to do anything BUT write scenes as they come to me, and they come to me as if they were scenes in a movie, is a skill set I cannot begin to fathom how to achieve.

It may be a bit barbaric, but I often struggle to understand the meaning of the writings that do employ the style of which you mention. I mean, I can speak in allegory, sure, but for the most part, my prose tales are not delivered from a place of allegorical consideration - instead, if there is any, and there always is, I find it has been more of a hidden message to myself stemming from my subconscious. That side of my mind is a far better wordsmith than I.

Nevertheless, you make a valid point as to where my biggest weakness in writing lies... And thanks for reading!

EDIT: Oh, and about the visions, it was not just to satisfy curiosities regarding the poll. It was also to bring to the forefront Thomas's Foresight powers, making them take a central seat as one of his most potent abilities. I used the poll results to enhance this display, which I found rather fun myself. I did worry that it might be a bit too tedius, but I tried to show a progression of learning from each adjustment in strategy that led to a final success when applying what he'd learned in the actual combat, something I figured a strategy minded reader might appreciate. It was intended to be like reviewing the thoughts of a chess master.
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CHAPTER 25: Near-Light Speed (NEW CHAPTER! (12/4/2011))
Zephyrrr! And...


Last edited by Thunderbird on Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Tikanni Corazon
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to say, I disagree with D about the battle scenes. You are, in my humble opinion, one of the few SG authors I have followed, that can really pull off these action-type scenes, in a way that keeps the reader engrossed. True, with some, it can be a little jarring, as it is hard to accomplish, without becoming too descriptive and wordy, which can take away from the action. But you don't seem to have that problem, and I would actually be a little disappointed if it were to change. Were it a full on action-fest, it might be a little different, but there is also alot of information in many of your chapters, and this seems to balance it all out, if you get me. I would imagine, for many, it is also part of what one has come to expect from HM, and, considering it is the most popular SG on IF, you must be doing something right. Smile And it is, by far, my favourite SG since I joined IF.

It is all about personal preference, of course. Some people don't enjoy that type of thing, but, I have to say, I, personally, am envious of your ability to write such scenes in the way that you do. So, while it may possibly not be the right thing to do for the current dp, I hope you continue to intergrate them into the story. Wink

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, Tika! I often find combat scenes hard to follow from well published authors, so what you said means a lot to me.

That said, if others find the combats difficult to maintain interest through, its of value to understand this and strive to understand why. I've read a lot of D's works and I can see why he might feel as he does.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha, I'm a transcendental guy, what can I say. I go for stars and dreams rather than for guns and grenades. I personally believe the former will outlive the latter, but quite possibly the poetic isn't as popular. So it's a choice. Just letting you know what my stance is.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's all good, D. I'm enjoying hearing your opinions, nevertheless.
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PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 5:04 am    Post subject: Poke Reply with quote

*Bounces around room* No one else seems to follow my violent tendancies. *Giggles* Well, the lack of sleep, then and now, could be a contributing factor to the mass attack auto reaction. That and I'm always so calm IRL, that when it comes to getting excited online it goes one of two way....one is violence, the other, only my BF gets to know about! Much luvs guys! Oh, and my BF says hi! Keep the chapters rollin' Thunder-kun!
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PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 7:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poll coming up on this beginning this weekend. So if you have anything more to add... get those suggestions in now!
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PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2011 11:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NOW POLLING! Enjoy democracy Smile

Should have a new chappy up next weekend.
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PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Last day to vote ppls!
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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh ho! A last minute tie-breaker! Alright then... hmm...
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Thomas subtly advises General Sternheim to:
Resist! These are OUR captives and they are too dangerous for the local authorities to handle!
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Delay for the perfect time to take the upper hand before making a move to RESIST!
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Surrender our captives to the SWAT team and find some time to confer with one another before planning an 'extraction' mission.
60%
 60%  [ 3 ]
Surrender our captives BUT go along with the SWAT team to be a part of the ongoing investigation.
20%
 20%  [ 1 ]
Author Vote
20%
 20%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 5
Who Voted: D-Lotus, Lebrenth, Smee, Thunderbird, Tikanni Corazon

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