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One More Time - Chapter 4
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misterbiz
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:55 pm    Post subject: One More Time - Chapter 4 Reply with quote

Warning: Some Foul Language may and probably will follow.

Biz Bit: Yes. I am writing a romance. No, you are not dreaming. I am venturing very far from my comfort zone. Please enjoy.

Prologue

It was raining outside. I could hear it tapping softly on the window. The gentle sound of a million tiny collisions against my home resonated throughout it. Yet, one wouldn't think that it was by looking outside. Apart from the tell-tale drops of water on the glass, there was no real sign that there was any ill-weather. The sun shone brightly. The handful of darkened clouds appeared to be around more for providing effect than actual weather. Yet, it was raining nonetheless.

I sat on the edge of my bed and watched the drizzle for what seemed like hours. The soft splatters of water against the glass hypnotizing me. Each drop pulling me deeper and deeper into a trance. After a miniature eternity, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. A small smile played across my lips as I turned my head to look over my shoulder.

My gaze was met by a young woman with long, curls of crimson. She had emerald eyes that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight pouring through the window. Our lips met briefly in a gentle kiss. As it broke and she pulled back, I saw that she was smiling. Her lips pulled into a soft pink crescent. She slipped her slender arms from around me and strolled away. I watched her walk out of the room, her pink satin nightgown swaying softly with her every movement.

Rising from the bed, I let out a deep breath and followed her from the bedroom into the equally bright living room. She glanced over her shoulder at me and flashed me a bright smile that shone even brighter than her eyes. Her ivory teeth, seemingly reflecting all the light in the room. She stopped in the middle of the living room and turned. In a soft yet sudden motion, she pivoted and started in a ninety degree angle. Still I followed, she opened a set of double doors and stepped out onto a balcony.

Following in her footsteps, I crossed the living room. On the balcony, I wrapped my arms around her narrow waist and kissed her neck softly. A soft sigh escaped her lips as I planted another soft kiss on her beautiful neck. I paused for a moment right above her neck, taking a brief moment to allow her scent to flow into my nostrils. She smelled faintly of lilac. Her favorite fragrance that she always made sure to spray upon her pillow before she laid down. Just to guarantee that she still smelled good when she rose in the mornings. It seemed like she always smelled of it. Always had a small bottle of perfume around to make sure it was constant. Always enough to be intoxicating but never enough to be considered overdone.

I planted a soft kiss upon her cheek before holding her tight and smiling softly. Small, cold raindrops fell upon us, yet we didn't care. We stood in silence, simply looking out at the city that lay below our lofty apartment in the sky. She placed a small hand upon mine and leaned back against me. I kissed the top of her head and took another breath of her scent.

The smell of lilacs and rainwater wafted into my nose as a small rumble of thunder came from overhead. I cast a glance at her and saw that her gaze was focused on the clouds above. I looked to the sky as well and saw that the sun was starting to disappear as the clouds that once just hung there merely for effect began to grow and shift. For some reason, watching the clouds above fascinated my companion but filled me with complete terror.

I let go of her and turned around. I stepped back into the living room, automatically hitting the light switch on my way in. I moved halfway through the room before looking behind me. My lover stood on the balcony, her arms outstretched. A single ray of sunlight remained outside, shining down gloriously upon the balcony and the angel that stood there. It reminded me of a movie I saw once. A long time ago.

A small smile pulled at my lips but it quickly retreated and I moved back into the bedroom. Turning on a lamp, I resumed my place at the foot of the bed. As I sat, I focused my gaze on the floor, avoiding looking at the window as the sound of the rain picked up pace, smacking forcefully against the glass. It was no longer light and nice. It was becoming forceful and violent. The light in the room was overpowered as lightning flashed outside and lit up the bedroom.

I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath. Anxiety was filling me and I didn't know why. Something was amiss in this perfect world. The sun wasn't just dipping behind the clouds, it was vanishing. Being swallowed by the storm. Deep down, I knew that it couldn't be. It was just a storm but my fear convinced me otherwise. There was another flash of lightning that managed to penetrate my hands and closed eyelids.

As the bright light subsided, I could hear a light set of footsteps march up in front of me. I glanced up from my hands and saw my female companion standing there, completely drenched. Her hair hung to her shoulders, heavy with moisture. Her nightgown clung tightly to her slender form as she smiled down at me. He brought a hand up and gently stroked my cheek. Water flowed down her porcelain flesh and gathered in a puddle at her feet. It almost looked as if she was crying but with the water coming from her hair, it was hard to tell. She leaned in, kissed my forehead and then knelt down to stare directly into my eyes.

“You are going to get through this,” she said, her sweet voice hovering in the air for a moment after she spoke, clinging to it like the rain and smell of lilac clung to her flesh. The way I had clung to her on the balcony. “I promise that you will. The storm will pass as it always does in the end.”

“Mona, please,” I said. I leaned in to kiss her but before we could make contact, there was a loud boom of thunder that seemed to shake the entire world and she suddenly dropped out of my sight and sent me sitting bolt upright in bed.

I looked around and found myself out of the luxury apartment that I had been in just moments before. Instead, I was in a crummy downtown dwelling that reeked of booze, cigarette smoke, sweat and stale air that hasn't tasted a breath of anything fresh in a long time. The smell of lilac was completely eradicated. Gone alongside with the dream. With Mona.

I sat in complete blackness, the single light in the room had burned out long ago. I wanted to scream for Mona, to tell her about my horrid nightmare. The differences between the dream and reality were slowly setting in. I felt the spot next to me in the bed and felt that it was cold. She wasn't here. She never was. Never would be.

She never set foot in this vile apartment. Hadn't been here to see me cover the ground in liquor bottles and to stay up until I passed out from exhaustion or alcohol. I hadn't felt her touch in years. Hadn't smelled lilac. I laid back down and took a deep breath as I focused on the blackness around me, listening as droplets of water slammed against my windows. Forceful and violent drops of water that crashed against the glass. It was raining outside.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Simply beautiful, but still keeps that sort of dark aura about it.. Definitely something that can fit in with your other writings, Even if it does revolve around romance a bit further.
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 6:44 pm    Post subject: I Think. . . . . Reply with quote

*Applaudes* Well done, well done indeed. It truly had me rivited, and I don't use that word often. Despite being so heavy with the soft feelings, the true you showed through and in a new way that I enjoyed. *Grins* You must really like Lilac.

It has your usual flare for detail as well as a rich atmosphere. I could truly feel his heart. Again, great job on this. Can't wait to read more!
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to say, Biz, upon seeing that you'd posted an SG in the Romance forum, I didn't have much in the way of expectation. Please don't be insulted by my saying that, it just seemed very unlikely that the Master of Darkness would pull off a romance. Boy, was I wrong! This is brilliant! In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it's better than your usual horror, and that's the honest truth. I know we're not talking about a typical boy meets girl style romance here. As Ven pointed out, it retains a dark element, which is very likely the core of how well this works for you. But honestly, your descriptive work here surpasses that of your other SGs, and again, don't be insulted. I follow your other SGs and I love them, which only emphasises how good this new one is in my personal opinion.

Mona's reaction to the storm, the fascination and the way she behaved reminded me of myself. I'm exactly the same. In fact they make me feel wild, filled with a sense of freedom, and reading that piece really struck something in me.

I'm also a fan of the scent of lilac. Wink

There were a couple of bits that really stood out for me...


Quote:
I let go of her and turned around. I stepped back into the living room, automatically hitting the light switch on my way in. I moved halfway through the room before looking behind me. My lover stood on the balcony, her arms outstretched. A single ray of sunlight remained outside, shining down gloriously upon the balcony and the angel that stood there. It reminded me of a movie I saw once. A long time ago.


I love this. The flow is wonderful. There's that one little thing that I've highlighted in red, but that is easily sorted. Changing the first one to My lover remained standing where she had been when I left her or something to that effect. That's the only thing that spoils the flow, and it is a very slight thing.

Quote:
I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath. Anxiety was filling me and I didn't know why. Something was amiss in this perfect world. The sun wasn't just dipping behind the clouds, it was vanishing. Being swallowed by the storm. Deep down, I knew that it couldn't be. It was just a storm but my fear convinced me otherwise. There was another flash of lightning that managed to penetrate my hands and closed eyelids.

As the bright light subsided, I could hear a light set of footsteps march up in front of me. I glanced up from my hands and saw my female companion standing there, completely drenched. Her hair hung to her shoulders, heavy with moisture. Her nightgown clung tightly to her slender form as she smiled down at me. He brought a hand up and gently stroked my cheek. Water flowed down her porcelain flesh and gathered in a puddle at her feet. It almost looked as if she was crying but with the water coming from her hair, it was hard to tell. She leaned in, kissed my forehead and then knelt down to stare directly into my eyes.

“You are going to get through this,” she said, her sweet voice hovering in the air for a moment after she spoke, clinging to it like the rain and smell of lilac clung to her flesh. The way I had clung to her on the balcony. “I promise that you will. The storm will pass as it always does in the end.”

“Mona, please,” I said. I leaned in to kiss her but before we could make contact, there was a loud boom of thunder that seemed to shake the entire world and she suddenly dropped out of my sight and sent me sitting bolt upright in bed.

I looked around and found myself out of the luxury apartment that I had been in just moments before. Instead, I was in a crummy downtown dwelling that reeked of booze, cigarette smoke, sweat and stale air that hasn't tasted a breath of anything fresh in a long time. The smell of lilac was completely eradicated. Gone alongside with the dream. With Mona.


Now, this is a long one, but I just thought it was seamless from start to finish. Really brilliant! The flow was superb, the setting was well described, as were the emotions involved. A really stunning piece of writing, and you should be very proud. There's the one little error marked in red, where it should be 'she' but that's tiny and insignificant compared to the piece as a whole.


I found a couple of things here...


Quote:
She glanced over her shoulder at me and flashed me a bright smile that shone even brighter than her eyes. Her ivory teeth, seemingly reflecting all the light in the room.


One of these 'brights' needs to be replaced with something else, or simply remove the first one. The flow will be better, and it will still conjour the right imagery.

Quote:
I planted a soft kiss upon her cheek before holding her tight and smiling softly.


Same thing here, though I don't think removing the first will be as effective as chaging it for something else, such as 'light' maybe?


You may feel like you're out of your comfort zone, but trust me, it doesn't show. All in all, this is a very solid, well written beginning, and I very much look forward to reading more! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've given you my thoughts on this one before, Biz but I'll say it again. I absolutely love this one & I think it has the potential to be my favorite piece of yours. The place in your heart that you're drawing this from is truly beautiful, and has such deeper meaning than some of your other works. I just love it. Can't wait to see where you take it! Smile
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Who'd knew, that you'd be so good in the romance section! As others have mentioned, I love that it's also dark, like your other work. But what I found best was how you've expressed the emotions of the protagonist. It was very well done. Looking forward to more!
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

EPIC.

I have a feeling that this is gonna be one of my all time favs on the site. The underlying dark emotion made this all the more fun to read. I'm definitely sticking around for the rest of the story. Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

For several hours, I simply laid in bed, my eyes focused on the surrounding darkness. Yet, as I remained still, my eyes open and peering into the living, breathing blackness, I still dreamt. Deep in the back of my skull, a movie played. Last nights dream repeated in the back of my gray matter. As painful as it was, I stayed in bed and watched it. From blissful beginning to chilling conclusion.

After a few hours, I pushed myself out of bed and peeked through the window that sat at least two feet away. It was still raining outside. Gray clouds were spread across the sky causing the atmosphere to be bleak and gray. Weather like this caused a mixture of emotions to rise up in me. A bizarre mixture of exhilaration and depression. At one point in time, I had loved the rain. Loved the crack of lightning as it crashed into the planet and the roar of thunder as it threatened to tear open the sky. Then I lost Mona and ill weather lost its appeal. It was just a reminder of her. A way for my mental wounds to be reopened. Every anniversary of her departure, these clouds rolled in. The only upside was that it was fairly easy to disguise sorrow.

Turning away from the window, I felt around in my room until I found the closest pair of jeans and slipped them on. After feeling around for a t-shirt and putting it on, I strolled from the pitch black bedroom to the gloomily lit living room. The floor of the living area was littered with liquor bottles and more dirty clothes. I didn't remember the last time I had cleaned or did laundry. Letting out a sigh, I shuffled my way through the ocean of trash and dirty laundry and plopped down on my couch. A brief thought of turning on the TV popped into my head but was quickly interrupted by the sound of my phone beginning to ring. I didn't move. Instead, I just sat and stared forward at the TV.

After ringing four times, my answering machine kicked on.

“Hey, it's me,” my voice said, “You know the drill. Name & digits and maybe I'll get back to ya.” Beep.

“Bro-ha, I know what today is, so you aren't spending it alone,” a female voice stated. A small smile appeared on my face as I heard the voice. It was the only person who could still draw forth a smile that didn't appear on my TV or computer screen. Cassandra. My sister., “Gimme a call after work and you and I will hang out. Holla back at me, bro. And I know you're a lazy punk but try to answer the phone every once in a while.”

There was a click and another beep as she hung up and the message ended. Glancing over my shoulder, I thought of calling her back. But she would be expecting that. She would also most likely be getting ready for work so instead, I grabbed the remote, turned on the TV and flicked it to a channel that was currently exclusively played old cartoons that I used to watch when I was a kid.

I watched a few episodes of a Scooby-Doo marathon that was playing before rising and again wading through my living room to the small steel computer desk where my computer sat. Time to work. I had been working as a journalist for an independent literary magazine that catered to those who suffered life-crushing tragedies for the last couple years. The pay wasn't glorious but it was decent enough to keep me heavily supplied in booze and take-out. Sitting down at my computer, my eyes fell upon a picture of Mona that sat taped to the corner of the monitor.

“Love you, sweetness,” I said aloud. As I blinked, a screenshot from my dream flashed in my cranium. An image of Mona standing on the balcony, soaking up the rain. The painful memory forced me to look away from her stationary, green eyes and the smile that she would have forever.

I flicked on the monitor and after a couple seconds, I was greeted by my computer's calender reminding me of an appointment for today. The appointment was simply labeled Therapy and scheduled for Noon. I glanced at the computer's clock and made note of the time. 7:05 AM. I had time. I could work on my next article and then head out and make the two hour trek to my therapist's office. That was if I even planned on going.

Using the television in the background as a silence-eliminator, I started. My fingers flew across the keys as I wrote a piece about storms and describing my own personal storm cloud that followed me and was always threatening to develop into a hurricane. A vicious disaster that would swallow me whole. After an hour of writing and re-writing my phone rang again.

My outgoing message played once again and I instantly felt like I should change it. Then came the beep.

“Hey, hun,” my mom's voice said,. There was a small pause after her initial greeting. I could tell from listening that she was starting to reconsider the call. That she was horrendously aware of how awkward it was considering we haven't spoken in months. “I know that today isn't going to be the happiest for you. But, just know that...” There was another pause and I had a mental image of her closing her eyes as she fought to find the right words, pinching the bridge of her nose with her narrow and bony fingers as she thought. “Know that I'm here if you need to talk. I'd like to see you today. Please.” Another pause, then a sigh, then she hung up.

I stopped typing and stared down at my keyboard. So far, I had two invitations and an appointment threaten to take up my day and I knew that I would get at least one more from my friend Elmer. Then there was Mona. Every year on this date, I paid her a visit sometime during the day and we shared a drink. Or rather I drank near her and rambled on like a madman and then left before breaking down into a pile of tears and trembles.

I typed another paragraph before getting up and grabbing a sliver cross necklace from the necklace and slipping it over my head. With a deep breath, I slipped on a pair of sneakers that no longer had insoles and were dangerously close to losing the complete sole and tongue as well. With one last look to the the TV, I watched as Scooby and associates unmasked another villain before grabbing my cell-phone and marching out of my apartment. I knew I had a long while before I had to be anywhere but at least I could wander aimlessly as I tried to figure out where to go.

Outside my apartment, I made my way quickly and quietly to the fire-escape at the opposite end of the hall and slipped out the window. I was a couple months behind on rent. Not because I couldn't pay per se, but more like I didn't feel like it. The landlord was a prick.

Once outside, I found myself being pelted by a hundred small and cold rain-drops. Some might call me foolish for not wearing a coat but I didn't care. The cold was one part I liked about the rain. It showed Mother Nature's true nature of being a frigid bitch. Once I reached the ground, I immediately turned on my phone and ignored the beeping it gave telling me I had missed calls and voice mail. Probably Mom and Cassandra.

Moving from the alley close to my building, into the street, I started to walk down the street. Hands and phone in my pockets, I strolled. With no clear idea of where I was heading, I made my way down the city streets, Mona's smile still lingering in my mind. Tears came to my eyes and was suddenly grateful that it was raining.

****************************************************************

Where should he go? Should he actually go to his therapy? Visit Mona? How about going to see his mom or sister? Should he go to one or the other? None of the above? What do you think?
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Man, I just had my mind blown. O.O

It's awesome, no less. Keep up the good work! Very Happy

Two things really bugged me eyes:

Quote:
...turned on the TV and flicked it to a channel that was currently exclusively played old cartoons that I used to watch when I was a kid.

I believe this calls for an infinitive form. And...

Quote:
I typed another paragraph before getting up and grabbing a sliver cross necklace from the necklace and slipping it over my head.


I also believe there's one necklace too many. >.<

But all in all, no other major slips (at least I didn't see any), and I say this is excellent.

As for the DP, I say go to Mona. Graves are good when you mourn. :/
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm with Cy...let's go see Mona. I really love this, Bizzy. you can feel that deep sorrow he feels as you read. It's really incredible. =) Keep going, dear!
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good job, biz. I can feel his pain, which goes to show how well-written this is.

He should see Mona, as suggested by Cy and Andi. Everyone else who's really looking for him knows where he'll be anyway. He can call the family later in the day, after he's done.
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 1:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


This has continued very well from your prologue. Smile Still very full of emotion, and very graphically portraying how our lead looks and how his abode looks too. Good job! Smile


I found a couple of things...


Quote:
Gray clouds were spread across the sky causing the atmosphere to be bleak and gray.


It's established in the beginning that the clouds are grey, which immediately gives a facet to the atmosphere anyway. To say that it's grey afterwards too is a little jarring and also a wasted opportunity to get some extra description in there. Switching the first to 'dark' adds another facet to both the atmosphere and the look of the environment, and also to the mood of our lead charrie. Or the latter could be changed instead, maybe to a 'mood' word, enhancing how our lead charrie feels and mingling it with the outside world.

Quote:
Letting out a sigh, I shuffled my way through the ocean of trash and dirty laundry and plopped down on my couch.


The word 'laundry' is mentioned just before in the prior sentence. Maybe this one could be changed to 'soiled clothing' or something, to allow better flow.

Quote:
It showed Mother Nature's true nature of being a frigid bitch.


Double usage of 'nature' is a little jarring, though I myself had to have a good think about it before coming up with an alternative if I'm honest. Maybe change it to something like the following...

It showed Mother Nature's true self, of being a frigid bitch.


Quote:
After a few hours, I pushed myself out of bed and peeked through the window that sat at least two feet away.


I left this one until last, as this isn't exactly a mistake, more an observation of a very slight break in the flow. Specifics in the distance the window is away from our lead character isn't really important. It would read better if you said 'a couple of feet' or 'a few feet'. It would just make it flow smoother. Smile


For the dp, I'm not going to say he should go anywhere atm. I think that he should check his phone to see who's calling. He thinks that it'll likely be his mother or sister, but he doesn't actually know. Let's see who wants to talk to our lead.

Great chappie, Biz! Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Biz in the Romance section? It's a genre I generally avoid like the plague, but I'm glad I took a look at this. You conveyed the imagery and the emotion well, and I don't really have any concrit beyond what's been mentioned already.

As we are still at the scene-setting stage, I feel that I'd want the dp to help us explore our main character a little more, so I'm leaning towards the therapy session, to see what randomness will come from that.

Good job!
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for the major delay on reading this Biz dear, it was another great chapter. Again you brought forth the character, and left us wondering more about him..

Myself, I would go to see Mona. Perhaps that could show us some further insight about her, as i kinda wonder what happened to her that saddens him.. Tragic death, Or maybe something else.. but leaves me thinking of her at this point.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted!
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 10:45 pm    Post subject: Chapter 2 Reply with quote

After walking for about an hour, I came to a decision. I would go see Mona. I hadn't visited her in a long while. Too long. So with a sigh, I adjusted my course and strolled in the direction of the cemetery. I kept my eyes on the ground as I walked, my feet knowing the proper path to take. They had traversed it many times over and were now so accustomed that I could probably make the trip with my eyes closed. I think I have once.

My thoughts wandered as I did, going back to when I was younger. The day I was first introduced to Mona. She had the new girl with a new group of friends whose unfortunate punching bag was me. And even though it could have hurt her standing within the group of douchebags and wretches, she ended the harassment early and made it so that it decreased exponentially. I never did thank her properly for that. I really should have. Maybe I would during my visit.

There was a small liquor store at the beginning of the final mile to the graveyard. Reaching into my pockets, I made sure I had some cash in them before walking to the building and going in.

“Ah, Travis,” the scarecrow of a cashier said. “Going to visit the girl?”

“You know it, Ken,” I said. Ken and I had grown close over the last couple of years. I was one of his most frequent customers and occasionally he would deliver me a healthy supply of booze on a day off, paid for himself. He flashed me a smile as he reached under the counter and brought up a bottle of whiskey.

“This is your preferred drink for visits, right?”

I nodded and sat some money on the counter as he placed the bottle into a paper bag. Without a word, I grabbed it and headed toward the door.

“Change?” he asked.

“Keep it.”

Once outside, I finished my trek to the cemetery, my feet once again doing all the work as I focused on my own thoughts. Then, before I really noticed, I found myself in the graveyard, standing in front of the headstone of Ramona Jessica Robertson. Nicknamed Mona. My Mona.

I opened my mouth to speak but a million different possibilities flood my min so instead, I moved forward and took a seat on the ground next to the headstone. I felt the moisture on the grass seep through my pants. It was cold but I was used to it. I had, after all, made the trip in the rain without a jacket. Immediately after planting myself, I pulled the bottle out and took a long drink from it.

“I had another dream about you last night?” I said, eventually. “Then I woke up and forgot you were gone. Again.”

Another drink found its way to my mouth as more tears forced their way from my eyes.

“I'm so sorry, Mona,” I said, leaning against the headstone. “I know I wasn't there enough. I should have noticed something, tried to help. I failed you and I'm so so sorry.”

Within a couple minutes, I polished off the entire bottle and curled up on the cold, wet ground by the grave. Then I sobbed. My entire body shook as all I was able to do was cry. Tsunamis of grief and guilt washed over me. Flashes of her eyes and her smile erupted in my mind, each image increasing the power of my drunken sorrow. After managing to compose myself, I rose and moved around so that I could face the grave in its entirety.

My legs didn't exactly feel sturdy but deep sorrow and whiskey can have adverse effects. In silence, I stood and stared at the headstone. A thousand memories played over in my mind. Some of them lasted barely a minute, others lasted a lot longer. I remembered the first time we met. The first “I Love You.” First kiss, first dance, the first time we made love. A miniature lifetime played over in my head as the clouds opened wider and the rain came down in a torrential downpour that drenched me in seconds.

Looking up to the sky, a smile came to my face. It was just my luck. When I'm feeling down, something like this happens. I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it back out of my face and knelt down. I leaned in and kissed the marble in front of me.

“I'll try to visit more often,” I said. “Maybe some day when its not raining.”

“Too bad its always rainclouds and Grumpy Gusiness in that little noggin of yours,” A voice suddenly said behind me. Reflex kicked in and I stood and spun fast enough that the wet grass planted me to the ground once more. Standing just a couple feet away from me was a young woman dress in a sleek black dress. Straight blonde hair hung just past her ears and she had a large smile on her face. Something about the smile made me uneasy. Her teeth were too white, too straight, too perfect.

“Who the fuck...”

“Tsk, tsk,” she interrupted, “Such language and in the presence of a lady.”

“Who are you?” I asked again, a little nervous and confused.

“Gili,” she said in a very sing-song manner. “And you are Travis McIntyre., former true love of Ramona Robertson, who died on the tenth of August, her birthday. It was a Wednesday.”

“How did you...” I started but stopped as an explosion of chills shot up my spine. She shouldn't know all that. She couldn't know that. It was impossible and that scared the hell out of me. Without finishing my sentence, I pushed myself and sprinted toward the exit. I slipped and fell a couple times, but it wasn't long until I reached the cemetery gates. As I made it out, I found myself colliding with someone. A collision that sent both of us toppling painfully to the ground.

“Woah, bro, where's the fire?” Cassandra's voice groaned from beside me. Glancing over I forced myself to smile at the sight of her blonde curls. She had acquired most of mom's genetics. She had the freckles, the hair and the thin figure that helped to conceal a turly never-ending appetite.

“There's some chick and she was saying some shit about Mona. Shit she shouldn't know.” I pushed myself up and immediately helped my sister to her feet as well.

“Where is the bitch?”

“She's over there,” I said, pointing toward the grave.

Cassandra took a couple steps into the boneyard before letting out chuckle. “No one here, bro-ha.”

Confused, I followed her and sighed as I saw that she was right. “She was there, I'm telling you.”

“Sure she was, schizo,” she said laughing. She turned to face me, a goofy grin on her face. The smile gradually shrunk and she reached up to put a hand on my shoulder. “I took today off work. You wanna go somewhere and hang out. If you're still in therapy, I could take you there and we could go somewhere else after.”

“I blew that off today. This place was more important.”

She nodded and lowered her hand. “I'm sure if you said you were seeing shit again, they'd let you in.”

“I wasn't...she was there, dammit,” I said.

“Chill, just a joke. So what do you wanna do? Hang out? Be alone some more? Get out of this rain and get a coat, maybe?”

I let out a small chuckle. She always knew how to pull one out of me. She had always been there for me. Never questioned my grief or my habits. Not once did she tell me to put the bottle down. She was always just there. Putting the pieces together whenever I fell apart.

I took a deep breath, pushed my hair from my face once more and thought about what we should do or go.

**************************************************

Should he let her take him to therapy? Just go chill at his place? Hers? Just get a ride home? This one is pretty open.
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Biz!


Fab new chappie! Very much enjoyed. Smile You have me very much intrigued as to who this woman is and how she knows these things about both Travis and Mona. I'm sure we'll be seeing her more in the future though and I look forward to finding out more.

I especially enjoyed the following paragraphs. They're very well written and brilliantly descriptive.


Quote:
Within a couple minutes, I polished off the entire bottle and curled up on the cold, wet ground by the grave. Then I sobbed. My entire body shook as all I was able to do was cry. Tsunamis of grief and guilt washed over me. Flashes of her eyes and her smile erupted in my mind, each image increasing the power of my drunken sorrow. After managing to compose myself, I rose and moved around so that I could face the grave in its entirety. 

My legs didn't exactly feel sturdy but deep sorrow and whiskey can have adverse effects. In silence, I stood and stared at the headstone. A thousand memories played over in my mind. Some of them lasted barely a minute, others lasted a lot longer. I remembered the first time we met. The first “I Love You.” First kiss, first dance, the first time we made love. A miniature lifetime played over in my head as the clouds opened wider and the rain came down in a torrential downpour that drenched me in seconds. 


Found a couple of typos here...

Quote:
I opened my mouth to speak but a million different possibilities flood my min so instead, I moved forward and took a seat on the ground next to the headstone.


Mind

Quote:
She had the freckles, the hair and the thin figure that helped to conceal a turly never-ending appetite. 


Truly?


For the DP, I'm veering towards Cassandra's suggestion of going to therapy and then going somewhere to talk it all out with her too. I think Travis needs the company, and that, as Cassandra clearly thinks it's important, he needs the therapy too. Clearly she'd going to be looking out for his best interests.


Again, great chappie, Biz, and looking forward to the next one already! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOVED it Biz!! can't wait to see what's to come!

for the DP, I'm going to say let's do two things. FIRST, let's go to therapy with Cass...then let's grab some alone time to think about everything that's happened.
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great chapter, biz! It's a nice mix of emotions and mystery.

With his excessive drinking, it's hard to know if what he saw is real. While going to therapy is the "right thing to do", I don't see it as an "in character" thing to do, not unless he has already built a deep level of trust with his therapist. If that was the case, then I agree, he should go.

Otherwise, I believe he will spend the rest of the day with his sister. Something tells me she'll make dinner for her brother, and he's willing to let her spoil him for today.
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling!
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can see your growth as a writer as you progress through this tale, Biz. My compliments and approval. And for some reason, I'm just attached to Cassandra already. She's not afraid to prod Travis in the right sore spots that could possibly make him explode or to try and make him smile.

I have given my vote the way it is because I doubt that Cassandra is going to let her brother blow off something that could quite possibly be good for him, especially if he is seeing things or just boozing it up to make it through a day.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voted here, too. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I voted too, sorry if it created a tie XD

I didn't see him going to therapy after purposefully blowing it off.

I'm actually kind of, irked though. If the therapist was a real person i'd wanna yell at him for schedualing a session on that day, i'd have scheduled it for the day before if possible. You know the idea that preventative medicine is the best medicine and all that jazz.

if Cassandra tries and forces him to go to therapy, it just wouldn't be the same kind of trust anymore. If she's as smart as I think she is, she can convince him that it wasn't nice to skip out, and that he should remember to take his therapy seriously and go when he's scheduled to next time.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 7:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is an amazing story! As everyone has mentioned (but I would like to reiterate), you do such a great job with describing the scene - detail without the drag - and with getting emotion in there as well.

I agree with kkdestiny that Cassandra wouldn't make him go to therapy because it could put a chink the old trust armor (plus he's a bit drunk, so I don't think going to therapy would be an altogether good idea at the moment).

So...I have voted (which I think broke the tie?) and I look forward to the next chapter!
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I cast another glance toward Mona's grave then looked back to Cassandra, my eyes carefully studying the area for any sign of the stranger I had seen earlier. Perhaps I was seeing things after all.

“Yeah. Let's go hang out somewhere,” I said, looking back to my sister.

She smiled wide again and nodded. “Alrighty, bro-ham.”

She started out of the cemetery and I followed suit. Across the street, I could see her vehicle. It was an older model and was probably about a third of it was made up of rust. Yet, it was Cassandra's most prized possession. The only thing that still remained from our father. She had been raised on the knowledge that he had died of an unchecked illness when she was an infant. It was only half true.

When I reached the door, I tugged on the door handle. It didn't budge. It had a habit of sticking. Cassandra slipped into the driver's seat and positioned herself so that her feet were aimed at the door.

“Ready for the mule door opener, Trav?” she called from inside the vehicle. I nodded and lifted on the door handle, pulling on it slightly. Inside, Cassandra gave a strong kick. The combination of my tugging and her kick caused the door to open.

I slid in and cast a glance over at her as she readjusted herself in the seat and closed her own door.

“Feels like forever since we had to use that,” I said.

She nodded. “It was a year ago. I picked you up here then too. Though you were a little less conscious.” Even though she did her best to hide it on her face, there was a trace of disappointment in her voice. Not that I ended up at the grave but that I had liquor on my breath. Again. After a minute she put her usual bright smile back on and looked at me. “So where to, bro-ham?”

“Ken's Dining Dive. I'm in the mood for a Bastard Burger.”

She arched an eyebrow as a serious look overtook her. “Didn't you get firehole for like three days the last time you had one?”

“Yep. It was worth it too,” I shot my attention back through the windshield as I reached up, grabbed my seatbelt and fastened it. “Now, drive, Billingsly,” I told her in a fake British accent, doing my best to sound like a wealthy British gentleman. Or at least like the ones I had seen on the television.

Cassandra laughed and turned on the vehicle. As the car started to move, I kicked on the radio and pushed in the cassette tape that was sticking out of the tape deck. My ears were instantly assaulted by the sound of some old country music. I ejected the tape and cast a look over at my sister.

“Really, Cass? You're listening to all that twangy shit now?”

“Sorry, Kenzie and I took a trip and she brought it with. Our shit is under the seat.”

I nodded and leaned forward. My hands fumbled for a moment before landing on a small cardboard box. Sliding it out a bit, I pulled out a random tape and took it from its box. After quickly tossing the reject into the back seat, I placed mine in and cranked the volume.

For the rest of the trip, me and Cassandra sung along to the sounds of some classic heavy metal music. After a few songs, we pulled up in front of a modest looking diner. The door of the vehicle opened on the first try this time.

The diner itself had a heavy Irish theme and therefore the inside was dimly lit to imitate an Irish pub. We took a seat at the bar and watched as an overweight man waddled down to us.

“Oh, wee Travis and Cassie,” he said in a thick Irish accent. “How you two been, eh?”

“Been alright, Kenneth,” Cassandra responded.

“Oi, none of that Kenneth malarky,” he said waving a large finger at her. “It's Ken. Just Ken.” He turned his attention to me and leaned on the counter. “I was floored to hear about Miss Mona, lad. Just awful. My condolences.”

“Thanks, Ken.”

“Now what will you kids have?”

“I will have a corned beef and cabbage sandwich with and iced tea and my genius of a brother here wants a Bastard Burger along with one your mint chocolate shakes.”

Ken's eyes widened at me for a moment before a giant grin overtook him. “Comin' right up.”

For a couple minutes after ordering, we sat there in silence. My mind retreated back to my dream. An image of Mona standing flashed in my mind. The water dripping off of her. Each and every drop that rolled down her flesh and crashed into the puddle at her feet. Beads of liquid hanging at the edge of her nightgown.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Cassandra gently nudging me.

“Thinking of her?”

I nodded.

She gently wrapped an arm around my shoulders and let out a small sigh. I knew that she wanted to say something else. Something comforting. But she didn't. She knew that I had heard enough sympathetic lines and psychobabble excuses for why I should magically feel better. She had stopped trying a long time ago and instead tried a new approach. She was just there. When I needed to laugh or talk or explode, she was there to help me along.

A handful of minutes later, Ken came back and sat a couple plates in front of us followed by our drinks. Cassandra took back her hand and looked down at her sandwich. I glanced over at the mess of corned beef and cabbage stuck between some rye bread.

“Very appetizing,” I said, turning my attention instead to the plate in front of me. Sitting dead center of the plate was a beast of a burger. Ken called it the Bastard Burger because it was stubborn and never went down without a fight. In between a couple of sesame seed buns was a lamb burger with rosemary and thyme. Inside the burger was a center of goat cheese and atop of the burger was a small amount of cabbage. All of which was covered in a thick sauce which Ken labeled as a secret. Which is probably good as something that hot and spicy probably would have been taken from him long ago.

“Tell you what, lad,” Ken said as my hands started to grab the burger. “You devour that without taking a drink and the entire meal is free.”

I looked up at him and gave a nod. Then with slight hesitation, I lifted the burger and took a bite. Instantaneously, my mouth felt like it was set ablaze. The sauce was almost painful. My eyes watered. I could feel some sweat starting to form. After a minute I choked down the bit and stared at the rest of it.

“One bite down,” I said.

“A lot more to go,” Cassandra teased, nudging me with her elbow. “Come on, bro-ham. Win your sister a free meal.”

I took another bite, this time a large one. The pain in my mouth intensified. My hand slammed on the counter and I fought to try and wash it down. The mixture of flavors in my mouth were at the same time delicious and at the same time devastating. Once it was down, I looked at Cassandra.

“The fire hole will be worth it,” I told her as I saw her struggling to keep a straight face.

I managed to complete Ken's challenge. It took me a while but eventually I finished it off, before taking out half of the milkshake in one go. For a while we sat out the counter and talked after, while I slowly got the feeling back in my mouth. Once I was healed, we left and she drove me to my place.

On the way we talked about recent shows we watched, movies we wanted to see, her newest lady-love Kenzie, and I found myself completely forgetting my grief. Even though the time was brief, it felt good. Cassandra always had that effect on me.

We eventually pulled up in front of my apartment building and I smiled over at her. Reaching over I gave her a small hug.

“Thanks for lunch,” I told her.

She nodded and hugged me back. “No. Thank you for getting it for free. Now you go and try and stay sober today. I'm coming back for dinner and if you're drunk again, I'm kicking you in the nads.”

I laughed and opened the door, “Yes ma'am.”

With a smile still on my face, I walked upstairs and into my apartment. After closing the door, I spun to find someone sitting on my couch.

My eyes widened as they stood up. It was the same girl from the cemetery. Except this time she was dressed in a baggy green T-shirt and brown bellbottoms. I stood there frozen as she approached me.

“Hey, Trav...I think its time you and I have a talk,” she said.

I stood there, mouth open slightly completely unsure of what to do.

****************

Ok. This is fairly open...how should he respond in such a predicament? And...go
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:52 pm    Post subject: I Think. . . . . . Reply with quote

As-so-fab, as we all have come to exspect of your writting Biz-kun. I just shot through three chapters, but they were all very interesting. I can't wait to see just who this chick it. . . I kinda hope she's a hallucination. They can be really fun *Grin*



This guy. . . .DP: Blink a few times, a pinch, and if still not gone, time to start throwing things! Maybe not mad, but more of if she's really there, she broke in and is bad guy, and if not there, at least then we'd know he's seeing things Razz


Very well done!
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That sounds like one potent burger....XD

Another great job, Biz! You can definitely feel the bond between Travis and his sister. And you did it without getting mushy, kudos. Also like the tiny hint you dropped about the death of their dad. (Will we get to know more about this later? Does it involve Stone...maybe? Am I trying too hard to find Stone in your stories now? XD)

This lady...is creeping me out. But she obviously has some sort of information, or at least knows a lot about, Mona. I say Travis hears her out, but keeps a wary distance.

Keep up the awesomeness! Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome new chapter, Biz! Made me remember why I'm so fond of this story. The relationship between brother and sister was sweet, yet very realistic in the way their speech and actions were delivered. Cass is an interesting addition to the characters. She gives a very grounding effect to the whole story. On the whole, much enjoyed and I can't wait to read more! Smile

And very glad to help on the burger front! Wink


I spotted a couple of things...


Quote:
In between a couple of sesame seed buns was a lamb burger with rosemary and thyme. Inside the burger was a center of goat cheese and atop of the burger was a small amount of cabbage.


A couple of points here. Firstly, too many 'burgers'. We need to cut them down. Both the latter two can go, by replacing it with something like...

In between a couple of sesame seed buns was a burger concocted of lamb mixed with a scattering of rosemary and thyme. At the heart of the meat was a center of goat cheese, and sprinkled atop it all was a small amount of cabbage.

...As the word 'burger' is within the next couple of lines too, those two really need to go to prevent the read being jarring. The other point, as you may have noticed was that the first line seemed to be missing a little description. Food is always best being well described. It's something that anyone can associate with, and it can give a real imagination experience if done well. Anyway, you can write it your own way, but I just thought I'd mention it and give an example of what I mean. Wink


Okay, for the DP...he has to talk to her. If does anything but, he's just going to be wondering about it afterwards. Talk to the girl and see what she has to say. You can always tell her that you have your sister coming over soon (which is true) so that you can get rid of her if you feel you need to.


Again, awesome chappie, Biz! Keep up the good work! Smile

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice one, biz! As others have already pointed out, I like the way Travis and his sister interact with each other. It feels realistic, and yet sweet, but not mushy.

If I was Travis, I would keep a foot out of the front door, one hand on the nearest makeshift weapon, while demanding what she was doing in my apartment. Razz
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... you've got a few options to work with here. You could chuck something at her to see if she's real or not or you could call your sis back and ask her to come up and look at something... or you could tell the dumb biatch to get the hell out of your apartment before you call the cops and report her for B&E.

I doubt Trav would ever really want to sit down and talk to someone he doesn't know at all and especially someone that he dislikes enough already.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

love it Love it LOVE IT!!! I can't wait to see where you take this!! For now, let's talk. not lovey dovey friendly talk, but see what she wants.
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now Polling!
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 7:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Liking it so far Biz! It's darker than the usual brand of romance I drift towards, but definitely in a good change of pace kind of way. Looking forward to seeing where else this is gonna head.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

“Ok,” I said once I regained the ability to speak. I cast a look back to my door. I wanted to run down and beg Cass to come back up to the apartment and tell me whether or not this person was actually there. Was I hallucinating? The booze should have worn off a little bit. Unless it was The Bastard Burger wreaking havoc upon me once again. That was a possibility that I was always very aware of. Who knew what was in Ken’s special sauce. As I looked to the blonde again, I saw that her appearance had changed again. She was wearing a red skirt and a bright orange sweatshirt with a pair of square eyeglasses on her face. What the hell?

“Come on,” she said. “Come sit down and you and I can have a pleasant chat.” I took a step forward but stopped and shook my head. No. There was no way in hell that I was going to just sit next to a stranger who knew things she shouldn’t and by all appearances was a shapeshifter. At least her outfit was. I stood and just stared at her, trying to figure out if I had ever seen her before earlier at the cemetery. No. I was sure of it. And how did she know where I live? Everything about her was starting to scream bad news.

“Thanks, but I will stay over here for now,” I told her. “You wanna talk? Go ahead. Let’s start with who you are, why you were at Mona’s grave and what you’re doing in my apartment. Not to mention how you were able to change clothes so fast?” She let out a giggle and stepped toward me again. I backed up and prepared to sprint straight out my door. She stopped and did a small twirl on the spot. She giggled again and stood facing him for a moment. She looked off into space as if trying to decide what to say before speaking.

“Ok. My name is Gili and I’m an angel,” she said. I raised an eyebrow and swallowed. An angel? Great. This chick was totally crazy. She started forward again and I lept back, pressing myself against the door. “That’s how I know about you and dear Mona and about how your heart breaks a little bit more every time you think of her. You feel like a failure even though there was nothing you could have done. And I am hear to offer you something that has been eluding you for so long?”

“A logical explanation as to why you’re in my apartment?”

“Closure.”

Something about the word caused me to relax briefly. It was true. Closure was something that I had longed for. But she really couldn’t be offering it to me, could she? I shook my head. No. I couldn’t get that. She wasn’t an angel. She was just a crazy blonde who was taking to stalking me for who knew why. Slowly, I reached behind and turned my doorknob. Taking a deep breath, I let it out as I slowly started to pull my door open. Gili took a step forward. Without a second thought, I moved, yanking my door open, I spun to leave.

There she was on the other side of the door. I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was no longer in my apartment. I backed up from the door and swallowed hard. She was definitely starting to get my attention. I moved quickly back into my apartment and simply stared at her. She followed me in, now dressed like a mime, until I bumped into and fell onto my couch. I sat up and stared at her. I was definitely getting weirded out now.

“C...C...Closure?” I stammered. “What do you mean?”

“Simple. You are going to be given an extra two weeks with her. You and Mona. Two weeks. It will be as if you had never lost her. No one will know about those events. You get a chance to get some closure and maybe heal some of that heartache. It all starts tomorrow.”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. You will have two weeks to say what you need to say, do what you need to do to heal yourself. You might not want to tell anyone about the whole she died thing. It might sour the experience if they all think you’re a mental patient. Trust me. I’ve seen that play out. It never works out. Ever.”

She giggled again and started to wander through my apartment. I stayed on the couch and watched her transfixed as she seemingly danced around, examining everything. After a few minutes, she started to come back toward the couch. I jumped to my feet and backed away from it as she took a seat. Keeping my eyes on her, I started to pace as my brain struggled to process what she had just promised. Two weeks with Mona. Was it possible? No. Things like that only happened in dimestore romance novels or by lovelorn writers wandering the internet.

“So you’re saying that starting tomorrow, I will have two weeks with Mona. Two full uninterrupted weeks to say and do whatever. She’ll be alive. Everybody will know it. No one will know about her death. I won’t be a drunk. Right?”

“That’s right. Trust me. No catch. Just closure. Someone upstairs likes you.”

I opened my mouth to speak again but before I could actually articulate anything, my phone went off. I raced to it and picked it up, ready to beg someone to come up and help me with the strange intruder in my home but as I spun around, she was gone. I looked around but she was nowhere to be found.

“He...Hello?”

“Yo, bro-ham, I got home and decided that I’m not quite sure that I’m done hanging with you. So, I’m gonna grab a stack of movies and you and me are going to hang out til tomorrow. So tonight we’re going to horror it up but what do you want for daytime viewing. Comedy or Action?”

“I...yeah...um…”

“You alright, Travis? Something wrong?”

“Uh…”

My vocal cords froze as my brain tried to make sense of everything that had just happened and what I could possibly tell Cass. Part of me wanted to tell her what had just happened. But I was terrified. I had a habit of drinking and this could all be one giant hallucination. Would Cass believe I wasn’t hallucinating? Would she stick with me even if I was? She had already been with me for so long that it couldn’t be long until she realized I was more trouble than I was worth.

I swallowed hard, trying to think fast of what to tell her.

*************

Ok. So what does Travis say? Tell the truth? Cover it up? Action or Comedy? Does he agree to spending the day with her? does he offer something else? The choice is yours. One More Time is back.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

YAAAAAAYYYY!!!

This was GREAT, Biz!! I loved Gili. She's funny! The Velma costume amused me.

Anyway, for the DP...

I'm going to say we DO hang out some more, but we don't tell her about the angel stalking us until she's there with us...and we meed some action right now. There was a bit much for comedy earlier. Haha!

Loving it, Biz!! Glad you're back!
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's back, woo!!! So happy to get to see a continuation of this story, Biz Very Happy

I still don't trust Gili (there is ALWAYS a catch), but, for now, I suppose it wouldn't do to look a gift horse in the mouth.

So, definitely more hanging and definitely action. And I say Travis tells his sister. Considering he already told her about the woman earlier in the graveyard, she might continue on the "you sure you should have skipped therapy you psycho?" joke line. Of course, if she takes him seriously I don't see that as a problem. I have a feeling it's going to be good to have someone else in the loop for this. Regardless of whether she believes him or not, though, the proof will be in the pudding come the next morning haha.
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 2:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Definitely didn't see that coming, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless! Can't wait to see what goes down during those two weeks, and even if it's just an alcohol induced hallucination, I'm looking forward to meeting this Mona.

I did notice one thing,

Quote:
You feel like a failure even though there was nothing you could have done. And I am hear to offer you something that has been eluding you for so long?


I'm also not so certain that was supposed to have a question mark at the end? It's hard to tell if it was a mistake, or her being evasive in tone.

As for the dp, I'm gonna go ahead and say that he should skip hanging out with his sister, and do his best to figure out what it is he'll need to say to find closure. Even if this isn't real, thinking of those things might help in the long run anyhow.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 12:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spend the day with her! And tell her the truth about what is going on. She's stuck around this long, so I think she deserves it even if she doesn't believe it. ^.^
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was curious- are you waiting for more comments before you poll? Or did this sg just get lost behind your others?
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What does Travis do?
Skip the sister visit
25%
 25%  [ 1 ]
Tell Cass what happened
50%
 50%  [ 2 ]
Just have Cass come over to take mind off of things
25%
 25%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 4
Who Voted: Andolyn, kkdestiny, Novelest_Ninjagirl, Seraphi

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