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A True Test - Chapter One ~Polling~

 
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:02 am    Post subject: A True Test - Chapter One ~Polling~ Reply with quote


A True Test - Chapter One
Trough My Eyes




It was not long after the magical community revealed itself that the conflict between magic and science began. . .But, I am getting ahead of myself. Perhaps, I should start at the beginning. Yes, I believe that is best. But which beginning should it be? I suppose, yes, that would be a good point.

~*~*~*~

As far back as humans can recall, there have been stories of inexplicable phenomenon that early humans attributed to magic. As the years passed, as is human's nature, such notions were disregarded in favor of the scientific understanding of the universe. Now, there still were many things that happened that could not be explained, however since the humans could explain so much, so many unanswerable questions finally receiving answers, most believed that such happenings were just questions that have yet to present their solutions.

Now, on the other side of things, the magical community was glad as more and more attention was turned away from them and their actions. While there are many races in the community, since humans never seemed to have any magic, they did not feel that they could ever relate to such short lived creatures. Perhaps that was the one true similarity between both communities: the inability to accept that which is different from them. The magical community found ways to hid themselves, moving away to places not yet inhabited, pushing back further and further into the wilderness and erecting protective magic to keep themselves safe and allude detection..

However, there are always the oddballs. Those who can not settle into the normal ways of the world as it is presented to them, and as expected, they would do anything to fulfill these unusual desires to find a new way. Some of the more human looking magicals would leave their people to study, or even integrate into the human world, and on the rare occasion that a human would find their way into a magical settlement, they were so often filled with such wonder that they would stay willingly, and the magicals would be content that their secret was safe.

Now, as one can guess, it is the natural urge of any creature to further it's line, and as such, the two worlds blended, ever so slowly over many long years. It was unnoticeable for the longest time among the humans, the strange powers of the mixed breeds being presented as just another facet of science. They were labeled psychokinesis, telepathy and so on, and simply thought of as a part of natural human evolution. In truth, even the magicals for a time let themselves believe this lie as well, not wanting to admit how much closer they were growing to the short lives creatures, however eventually it could not be denied. The magical blood in the human race began to manifest far too often, and in ways that were so unexpected and different that a new answer was sought.

Likewise, among the magicals, those with human blood seemed to show some strange aptitudes for a magic unrecognized by the magical community as naturally inherent in any of the living races. Well, all except for the human kin of course, as I have just pointed out. But, anyways, where was I. . . .Oh yes. The magicals began to realize something had to be done. Not only about the spread of magic to those whom, in their opinion, it never belonged, but also the fact that there was not much more of the wilderness to retreat into. Just like humans, their numbers grew over the years, and the press of human civilization would soon go beyond their ability to keep out, even with their strongest magics.

About the time all of this was coming to a head, the magicals decided to reveal themselves to those in power. As expected, there was shock and fear, this sudden confirmations of beliefs long discarded rocking the human world to it's core. Despite the shock however, the relationship between the two started of rather cordially. The magicals offered to aid in the educating of the children who knew nothing of their natural magics, or even their magical heritage in some cases, and the humans agreed to stop their expansion into the magicals' home lands. For a time, it was a well received time of rest. The dragons could now wander the skies freely, and those of human kin who have always wondered about their heritage could explore the human world freely. Likewise, those who grew up in the human world were able to look deeper into their pasts, discovering the more heartwarming nature of their talents rather than being stuck with the cold facts of science to explain away their dual spirits.

I suppose you can guess what happens next. That's the problem with trying to be dramatic at the beginning of a story, sometimes you give away things better left as a surprise. But, no matter, on we go! Not even a handful of years passed before those of scientific minds decided that the magicals were in need of study, still not convinced of this thing called magic, believing stoutly that there had to be a scientific explanation for everything. Meanwhile, the magicals' picked up a bad habit of feeling superior to the humans, treating them as children, one and all. This did little to aid them when it came to defending their rights, which were never spelled out to begin with.

So it goes that little fights broke out here and there, the bullying in the schools reaching an all time high, and eventually leading to fatalities. There were a good number of riots, and even the top powers on both sides, the leaders of their people, began seeing such fault in the other side they became petulant children themselves. Both human and magicals prejudice began to flare in earnest after that, and the war began.

I will not go into detail, the horrors achieved by both sides too terrible and numerous to name with the time I have here with you, and I would wish the nightmares that would come from them on no one. Suffice to say the world was in chaos for many generations. Humans had made war for so many years with one another generations before that most of their knowledge of warfare was useless against the magical community, and the magicals, having never been to war, had no idea whatsoever. In truth, the magicals likely only came out of the war with only a few races having gone extinct due to the innate power each one could wield. Humans on the other hand had lost not only nearly half their numbers, but a good deal of tech that simply was wiped out of existence through group spells cast by the more powerful races, such as the dragons, and the hyclics.

In the end, the truce only came to be for the sake of the children. So preoccupied with the prejudice with one another, so many generations were born only knowing war, eventually it became too much and it was the humans who first offered peace. Now, many of the living magicals were around since before the war started, however they too could see how the killing had warped the young ones that were growing up drenched in blood. It took a lot of work, and many small skirmishes followed the initial peace talks, however eventually the deal was struck, and peace returned between the two communities.

Rebuilding took a long time. The human lands now covered in structures that no longer had use, seeing as there were not enough people to occupy them. The magicals' lands so stained with blood and ill will that nature had all but died, retreating away from all the madness of the world above, and needing much cultivation to return to it's natural state. Yes, there was much work to be done, but after so long at war, the weary gladly took up hammer and hoe rather than gun and staff. Eventually, the peace seemed to settle, the two people now truly freely walking amongst one another, only the occasional grudge cropping up here and there, however they are of little note and over foolish things like honor and revenge. Quite foolish indeed.

And so there was peace, but what to do with it? The people could now speak freely, and even if some still believed that magic could be explained, they no longer viewed it so cruelly as they once did. The studies of it were done openly, and of any given magical's free will. Likewise, the magicals began learning how to work with the technology of the humans, offering up their magic to aid in one thing or another, but mostly trying to show respect for the humans' accomplishments.

Which is all well and good, but after such a long time with such a driving force behind them, both sides now felt quite lost as to what to do with themselves. That is, until they recalled why they ended the war. Yes, it was the children that inspired their next course of action. After all, eventually they would grow, and once more the races would begin expanding, and the children would not only be the ones to take up the now empty places of the world, but because of the open blending of races, they would have to learn to do it together. The abandoned polluted lands of the magicals had spawned many unholy creatures, the remnants of ill will causing these beasts to only be content when slaying any living thing they can find. On the other side of things the abandoned war machines of the humans had taken up residence in the decrepit cities, likewise fueled by their combative programming, and now free to act on it without instruction.

It was decided. Though the war was over, the world would need to be retaken. It will be a long time before the races will be able to do this successfully, the remnants of the awful clash doing much as they, seeking to expand their hold on the lands and to continue themselves. They would not go quietly. So, on each of the three continents, an Academy was raised. The Academies was opened for all who were magically inclined, and full of both magical and human teachers, mostly mixed bloods when they could find them. Pure bloods never felt really insulted by this, seeing as most of the children were suppose to be learning that such things were okay.

At first, being a new thing never tired before, of course it was rough. Children still clinging to the old angers for those they saw as the enemy, teachers unsure of not only how to teach, but their students abilities. Not to mention the fact that the magic seemed so unstable at times, and many accidents through misuse or misunderstanding lead to the Academies being labeled as the most dangerous places on the planet. They could not suppress the magic, or control it forcibly in any way, needing the students to be able to learn freely. Eventually they found a solution. Not perfect, but it has kept the classrooms and grounds safer than they were before.

The students were charged with keeping one another in check. They were allowed to still a destructive force, or subdue their fellow students when they got out of hand. Sure, this lead to a lot of discipline being used as a disguise for bullying, but on the whole life at the Academies became safer, and much more enjoyable. The teachers still had the final say, but the student council handled most affairs fairly and without prejudice.

As magic continued to develop for the people, the understanding of it became more clear, and eventually it was discovered that the children worked best in teams. Certain innate magics would resonate, one being to another, and together that would be able to do things unimaginable, for both sides. A balance needed to be found of course, normally a team a simple pair of opposing skills would resonate well, however after trying to make these teams logically for a few years it was discovered it was best if the children were given the power to make their own teams, the resonance more understandable to the one feeling it rather than for ones watching it from the outside. So it came to pass that the choice was handed over to the students.

Some would come to their local Academy with a partner already with them, the resonance strong due to life long friendship, or some other unseen force behind the scenes. Most of the time teams would stop at that, a simple pair, resonating together in such a way that no others would fit in properly. On the rare occasion a team of three or four would come together, these special teams given extra attention seeing as they represented a force as yet unknown to the world, however in the time I speak of only three such teams had ever existed. Because of the importance of finding a team mate, the Academy's top priority for new members is that any without a partner already, must search the grounds for their match. Understanding that it may take some time for the right teammate, or teammates, to appear they would teach the individuals things they could learn alone, such as their weapons training, and getting in touch with their own magic. However it isn't until they find their partner, or partners, that they would begin their intensive training.

There have been a few cases that individuals have stayed alone well into young adulthood, however none have reached the age of accountability before finding a partner. Once trained, these young men and woman would have their choice of whatever they would like to do with their lives. Now, this training could be as short as a couple years, depending on the learning speed and natural abilities of the young ones involved, however the final test in and of itself last exactly one year. This last test, many have called brutal, but with the expectation of any graduate of an Academy being the same, all who decided to apply knew that this test faced them at the end of their time at the school. As a graduate myself, I found this final test indeed brutal, but the good it did not only my partner and myself, but the world on the whole, made all the pain and suffering worth it.

Have you guessed it yet? This final test? Ah well, even if you have, I don't think such knowledge will help you. After all, the test runs different for each of us. As each bonding is different, and each excursion is filled with it's own ups and downs, even the understanding of what stood before these men and woman could not prepare you for seeing it yourself. Not that you ever will, I don't suppose. But, enough of this.


~*~*~*~

Now, I have told you our history, revealed to you the dark past and not so bright future. Do you think you are ready for this tale? Will you be able to face the pain, the loss, the thrill and discovery that is the life of our hero? Ah, sure, you say that, but only time will tell of the truth of your words. So, I think it is time. Yes, it is time to open your eyes to this world, and show you all it has to offer. Both the good. . . And the bad. . . .


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The confident smile and easygoing demeanor of the young man standing at the gates of his new schooling facility does little to hide the abject amusement he seems to have for just about everything he sees. Din son of Lisa and Murana, is an easily amused young man. A few passers by, look up at him, standing quite comfortably atop the wall, leaning languidly against the gate post, however as it is quite clear from his appearance that he is at least part magical, no one bothers him. While the Academy is now a well established place, accepted and understood by nearly all, most of the students inside are considered a people apart for the every day citizens.

Din however is quite oblivious to all the looks he's getting, not really caring one way or another if he looks odd, to anyone inside or outside the walls. Instead his sharp, laughing eyes observe the grounds laid out before him like a conqueror who has just landed on the shore of a whole new world. Everything before him already seems his own, no fear for what is about to come, and no loss at what he has left behind. With his rather lax upbringing and natural skills, it is no wonder that Din's confidence seems so natural. However, the prospect of entering a place where even he may be challenged has him, rather than on edge, excited. The thrill of finding something he's never even had the vaguest conception of before seems like something he has been looking for his entire life. Sure, he always knew he would go to the Academy, however liking surprises, he's never done any research on the subject. He much rather enjoys learning through personal experience.

When at last he does move, standing up straight rather than leaning like a punk outside a convenience store, his smile widens and he laughs openly. “Ah! Perfect. I love this place already!” The declaration earns him a few more glances, however this time there is amusement in his observers, the ulfo more than a little entertaining in his exuberance. His long tail swishes back and forth in excitement, and without any hesitation he leaps off the wall and on to the Academy grounds proper. His legs coil expertly beneath him, absorbing the impact of the fifteen foot drop with ease. As he stands his feline structured legs extend revealing his bare clawed toes as he stands on point.

As a half breed, much of his body is covered with the flesh of a human, lacking the full bodied fur of a pure blood ulfo, a race of humanoid cat people. However his tail is full and plush, appearing to resemble that of a snow leopard, with matching hair atop his head like a thick shaggy mane reaching all the way to his waistband, and a stripe of fur running down the length of his back from neck to tail. The lack of fur on his legs has caused him no small amount of flack from his grandparents on his father's side, but Din long ago learned to disregard such disapproval. His clawed hand, retractable claws of course, runs through his mane of thick hair as he smiles around at the few people nearby. However, they all spare him only a glance before rushing on to whatever task they are in the middle of.

“Friendly welcome.” he murmurs good naturedly, his mood as light as ever. The Academy is almost a small country on to itself, complete with shops, dorms, each class having it's own building, and the cafeteria able to feed well over a thousand people at any given time, with over two hundred seats to spare. The largest library on the continent is found on Academy grounds, as well as several other impressive structures that seem to have no purpose. At least to those who don't have permission to enter them. But of course, Din knows nothing of any of this and instead pulls out a little hand drawn map his father made for him in order to find what is essentially the front office. “Father has never been any good at art. . .” he muses, the crude map seeming to be devoid of most key landmarks on the grounds. “Ah well, I'm sure I'll find it eventually!”

Slipping the paper away into one of the many hidden pockets in his red long coat the young man marks the gate as his starting point and begins making his way across the grounds at a relaxed pace. The sky overhead lightly dotted with clouds is a warm blue color, occasionally obscured by flying magicals passing overhead. Din stops to watch each one as they come close enough, his slitted pupils contracting the the brightness of the high hanging sun. His golden irises seem to almost sparkle in the sunlight, drawing the occasional look from a passing student, however like before, none seem too interested in this newcomer. Even as he moves further and further on to the grounds which is far more densely populated, each student seems so intent on their own goals that Din wonders how it is these kids are not constantly running into one another.

Even as he thinks this however, that very thing happens and he finds himself stumbling backwards, shifting just in time to catch the person who ran into him and keeping them from a rough fall. A flurry of papers cascade to the ground, several being picked up by the wind, and the young lady gives out a cry, chasing them without so much as a thank you to Din. Rolling his eyes the youth joins the teen in trying to gather them all before they pass out of sight, and it is only after succeeding, much to the chagrin of several students that were jostled in the process, that she at last seems to have enough breath to spare on her savior. “Thank you, I am so sorry, I was in a hurry. You didn't have to help, it was my fault, thank you, again.” Her words are fast and Din can tell that despite trying to not appear rude, the young elf wishes to continue on as quickly as possible.

“Never you mind. I seem to not quite get the flow of this place yet, you all seeming to be in such a rush.” He glances over her shoulder, spotting something that looks like it could be a landmark from his map. “So, I guess I'll get out of your way and on to my own business. Have a good day!” She smiles at him slightly, recognizing that he must be a new student, and with a slight wave she watches him rush off past her for several seconds before she likewise continues on her way.

Din runs for several yards, wanting to get out of the way of people as swiftly as possible. 'No need to interrupt their education after all' He chuckles to himself, coming to a stop next to a large fountain and pulling out his map. It is a little less busy around the fountain, several students, and perhaps even some staff, lazing about both inside and outside the fountain. The water dwellers seem to relax by either floating about, or by lounging against the side to talk to land dwellers seated on the other side of the fountain wall. Din takes a moment to admire the statue in the middle, a diverse group of magicals, half-breeds, and even some humans, each pouring water from one part of their body or another. “Pretty.” he says softly, the silvery surface looking sleek and free of the normal level of grime found on fountains outside the Academy.

Glancing down at the paper he figures the blue blotch with the stick figures must be the fountain. 'And from there. . . .' He tilts the paper this way and then until he gets the right feeling for his direction and once more puts it away. Looking up at the grounds, the fountain settled into basically it's own little valley, he once more orientates himself and takes off at his normal leisurely pace once more. As he passes by several buildings on his way he stops to look through the low windows every so often, wanting to get a peek at what perhaps awaits him, if he ends up taking the classes he sees in session. One building particularly intrigues him. There are no low windows, however as he passes there are several explosions from inside, shattering the classroom glass high above, only to have it fly right back up before endangering anyone below and seemingly repair itself.

'Now that looks like fun. I wonder if that's the alchemy lab. Would made sense. However it could also be some sort of combat course. . . .' More theories run through his head and him smile only seems to grow wider with each new discovery.

It takes him over an hour of wandering to finally find the right building, the glass front and large sign looking almost out of place with the moat running around the building, and various gargoyles mounted on the corners of the rooftop. Din however, likes the look. “It's so disjointed, it's awesome.” His natural speaking voice is a little louder than one would expect out of the young halfbreed, the slight echo of it off the building catching the attention of several teachers speaking to one another near the front entrance. They all look down at him, and one seems to recognize the boy. She waves to her colleagues before wandering over to the top of the stairs to wait for him. Din does not recognize the woman, the scaled lower half making her look something like a centaur but with a chameleon lower half rather than a equine one, however her quite human torso is postured in such a way that he knows he'll have to stop and talk to her.

'Well, isn't this interesting. I wonder what could possibly have done to earn such attentions already. Must be my charm' With his usual confidence he crosses the wooden drawbridge, head held high, and mounts the stairs with his even stride.

About half way up his attention is drawn to the woman as she calls out, “I would recognize you anywhere.” He tilts his head, the smile on his lips now curious. No matter the meaning behind her words, he appears to walk a little more proudly after she spoke them as if they were a compliment.

She raises an eyebrow at this, however she goes on without a change in her arrogant tone. “That confident walk, that loud voice, that look in your eye like you own the world. You must be Murana's son!” He tone is harsh, unyielding, and the look on her face could make a giant cower in fear.

Din smiles wide. It is obvious that it is not a compliment at this point, however he sees no reason not to take it as such. “That I am!” he declares, coming to the top of the stairs and stopping beside the elderly gehrin. She scowls at him, obviously not amused that he doesn't seem to feel even the least amount of shame at being related to a man she has such obvious disdain for. He turns to look at her fully, his arms crossing his stomach, gripping his elbows in his hands. “You must be one of those fine teachers that kept him from blowing up the place! He's quite grateful for that, so on his behalf, I thank you!”

The sudden declaration, said with such sincerity catches her off-guard and while she is still stunned he adds, “Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get inside and confirm my registration. I look forward to your tutelage!” There is no sarcasm in his tone, nor even a touch of arrogance. Still unable to come up with a suitable response her arms fall to her sides and she nods vaguely. Without another word Din turns and heads for the front door, his keen feline ears poking out from beneath his mane where human ears would normally be catching the group of teachers commenting on how he was able to stop the woman in her tracks. The pointed tufts of black and white at the tips of his ears tremble slightly as he holds back a laugh, knowing at least enough not to bust out laughing when entering a building with such excellent acoustics.

'Yeah, father wasn't the most law abiding student ever. He's told me as much. I didn't think I'd meet someone who carries such hostility for him on the first day! Especially one who seems to wanna take it out on me. Oh well, what will be will be' Putting the encounter out of his mind he instead focuses on his surroundings. The large open room is sparsely furnished, a few small round tables here and there surrounded by chairs and poofs and other things to sit on. Along the back wall it looks much like a bank, the counter running nearly the full length with at least five people working on one thing or another. There is a set of spiral stairs leading up to a balcony above the front desk area, seeming to run all the way to the back of the building, and more well furnished with seats and tables.

'Must be for the lesson planning for newbies' Several of the tables above are occupied and Din notes that most children seem to be not only younger than himself, but also accompanied by their parent or parents. 'Ah, well, I know I'm starting a little late, but it won't matter. I was just busy before' He chuckles, his definition of “busy” not at all what most would consider correct. Waltzing up to the front desk he waits for one of the people behind it to notice him. When at last a goblin looking gentleman walks over, smiling warmly, Din returns the smile in kind and pulls out his papers.

The man, Galvoc by his name tag, looks them over quickly before pressing one of a hundred unlabeled red buttons on a kind of switchboard located along the back wall. Handing the papers back he smiles once again. “Mister Hector will be with you shortly, please wait upstairs for him, and welcome to Todor Academy.”

“Why thank you sir!” His enthusiasm makes the goblin laugh and Din echoes the noise as he follows his instructions, wandering up to the upper floor. His laughter dies down as he comes to the top of the stairs, his eyes scanning the loft for a comfortable spot to wait, where he can also observe the other new applicants. Many of the children watch him as he walks by, no doubt thinking him a student of several years already. Deciding on a spot against the front railing he slides down on to a cushion, his long feet sticking out from his half mast pants, normally called high-waters. His coat makes a few odd noises, the various items in the pockets bouncing off one another at the action, and he does a quick check to make sure nothing fell out. Once sure of this he settles in to watch, his toes curling and uncurling as he stretches his legs out before him.

When the man set to do his schedule planning with him finally shows up the two of them agree quickly on the subjects that would best accentuate his natural talents. Once in place, the schedule sent to Din's touch-phone where he stores in in his saved files, the attention of the conversation turns to the more pressing matter at hand. The elderly elf, sylvain by his looks, gives Din a long hard stare before addressing him carefully. “Now, you are aware that, most students your age have already found their partners.” There is no question in his tone, but Din nods none the less, for the first time the level of enjoyment in his eyes dimming. “Well, I am sure you have your reasons for your late applications, and it is not unheard of for children of your age. . .What is that again?” He begins looking through Din's paperwork and the halfbreed stays quite while he does so. “Well, your age, your magical blood concentration. . . .You are only a few years away from. . .”

It is now that Din decides to speak up. “I know, for my particular blood mixture, at age seventeen, I am only a few years away from the age of accountability.” Over the years, the age of accountability has had to be calculated differently for each person of mixed blood, based on how much human that have in them. Since humans live shorter lives, and grow much more quickly than most magicals, the more human one has in them, the sooner they become accountable. “I also know this means I may end up being here longer than most, but I am up to the challenge.”

The perceptive old man catches the undertone to his remarks, the slight glances away from time to time. “You. . .Don't want a partner, do you.” Once more, there is no question in his tone.

Din bites his lip, for the first time since entering the grounds becoming uncomfortable. “It's. . .It's not that. . . .” The halfbreed closes his eyes, doing his best to relax and answer the man truthfully. It takes him a while to find his words, the question having obviously upset him, and Mister Hector waits silently, his patience the stuff of legends around campus. Letting out a long sigh Din decides to summarize. “I had a partner, for a long time, but he died six years ago. . .We were. . .Doing something together when it happened, and I don't know if it's safe for anyone to be my partner.”

Din is unaware that this information had been passed to the old elf, by none other than the dean of the school, who is good friends with Din's parents. Mister Hector sighs, shaking his head slightly. “It was an accident Din, and I am sure, as are your parents and the dean, that it is perfectly safe for you to seek out a new partner. It was a sad, tragic happening. One I would wish on no one, but for you to move forward you have to at least promise to try.”

Not sure what else to do, and unwilling to argue the point, the young man nods, looking at his toes. The old man reaches out and squeezes his shoulder fondly. “Well, now that that is settled, I'm sure you know that finding this partner, or partners if you’re lucky, is the top priority for all students. The first intro class for the ones you will be taking isn't for a couple days, and I am sure you'd like to settle into your new living accommodations. So, why don't you go unpack, then start your search? Or you can wait to unpack, it's up to you, but I pray you take my advice and pay attention to that little voice inside you that's feeling all alone right now.”

The little voice is what many refer to as the part of their magic that longs for resonance, and Din can not help but smile at the idea of a little person inside him jumping up and down, longing for attention. “Yes sir, I'll do my best.” A note of his natural enthusiasm enters his voice and the old elf smiles warmly. Pulling out his hand held computer, much like Din's touch phone, Mister Hector sends a map of the grounds with all the buildings labeled, along with certain spots on the grounds like the fountain area, and the underground tunnel system used by the water dwelling folk, and those who can't stand sunlight. After thanking the man politely Din makes his way back down the stairs, his small messenger back bouncing lightly off his leg as the spring in his step returns. By the time he is back outside, he once more seems the confident young man that entered the grounds not a few hours before.

Taking a deep breath he looks around for several seconds, imagining his father doing much the same when first he came to the Academy. The image brings him peace, the knowledge that his father made it, that this point in his life will go on no matter what ghosts from the past still haunt him. Turning to the stone walls lining the glass front of the building Din's claws extend and with an ease and grace built from years of practice he climbs the rough vertical surface almost as easily as if he were running across the ground. Once at the top he shuffles over to sit beside one of the gargoyles, the fearsome stone creature sleeping the day away. Pulling out his phone Din looks over the map, wondering where to start his search, or if he should just go drop his stuff off first. He doesn't mind carrying it, but a part of him still wants to put off the task of finding a new partner. “Hmm, well, the Library is close. . .And I'm kinda hungry, so maybe the Cafeteria would be best. . .The dorm is way over there, but it's not like I'm not use to walking. . . .I wonder if I can audit classes while I wait. . .Nah, I'll wait til I have them myself.”


_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_


Okay guys, this is a brand new Storygame from me, obviously, and I hope you enjoy it. Yes, the history lesson was kinda long, and I know the style is a little odd, but that's just how it came out of my fingers. Who knows, maybe we'll even meet this storyteller some day! Anyways, I am open for questions if I missed something, or if you’d like me to elaborate, and of course, as always, I am open for critiques. I hope nothing felt rushed. . .

Oh, for the DP, it is basically asking where should he start looking, and this is actually a major decision. Each place on the grounds has a possible match for our guy, and where we start with set the cascade in motion. . .You'll see what I mean when we get going Razz I am free for any location, even ones I did not name, just keep in mind that this is a school, so no fast food restaurants Razz Anyways, I hope you enjoy, and I can't wait for your input!

_________________

To Be A Knight
And my first Finished work Death Day


Last edited by PopeAlessandrosXVIII on Fri Sep 26, 2014 10:35 pm; edited 5 times in total
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So far it's very interesting. It raises a lot of questions that make me want to continue reading. One main one being, What happened to Din's partner? Despite the back story being extensive it was really informative.

Hm, I think Din should make a stop by the cafeteria for an on the go meal, maybe encountering a few more magical/non magical creatures of the school- then head to his dorm to unpack.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:24 am    Post subject: Post Reply with quote

Thanks for reading Aki-chan, and I'm glad it has you interested. The story behind Din's partner will be revealed, in time, and I think it will be worth the wait. I'm also glad the back story part wasn't too much. I know I'm a bit of a windbag sometimes and can ramble *Grin*

So, a trip through the cafeteria, then to the dorm. Thanks for the suggestion! Hopefully we can get a few more in the next few days and move this story along! Again, thanks for reading.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 9:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had to transfer this onto a notepad to read it. My old eyes weren't separating the purple lettering from the dark black background. Also for some reason, reading it just didn't flow for me Pope. I'm normally a fan of the long set up and plenty of text, but I think that this would have been better suited as a prologue then chapter rather than trying to rush it all out in one as I'm left with a lot of questions about the history leading up to the opening of the schools.

Other than that, I'd suggest a trip to the library. Not only can more information be found but you can always claim 'research' was the reason you were putting things off.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, I give up. I tried 3 different combinations of color, and no one seems to be able to read them, so I'm switching to default.


*Evil laugh* Well, I'm sorry it didn't flow, but I'm actually really glad it left you with a lot of questions. it's kinda what it was designed to do Razz I can answer a few, but others will have their answers revealed as the story progresses. I am more than open to you asking any questions you have, and I will do my best to fully answer the ones I can answer. *Claps hands* Yays, another reader. . . So yes, send my questions! Bring it on! *Dances around*

So, now we have cafeteria then dorm and library to avoiding looking. Yays! suggestions, I so happy Razz Hopefully my later chapters flow better for you Kalanna-chan! *More shifty eyes*
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, I'm gonna have this up for one, maybe two more days, then I'll be setting up the poll. I promise, I will be careful with my later chapter, and I can't wait to see if anyone else finds this interesting! Hurry up and drop in your suggestions so they can be added to the poll!
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First, i'd like to recommend to anyone desiring to write a book entitled "Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. It's not too long and has much to offer.

Ok, here's some feedback. Keep in mind that I have not had much experience with this genre so perhaps my comments do not carry much weight. However, if you're interested is appealing to a wider audience they may be of some value.

(I'll copy parts of this piece and then comment. If there is no comment, I'm leaving it to you to think about what you've written.)

I suppose, yes, that would be a good point. ---how does this advance the story?

The magical community found ways to hid themselves

to keep themselves safe and allude detection..

Oops, been called away; will return asap.
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have a few minutes, so i'll continue...


Those who can not settle --

not wanting to admit how much closer they were growing to the short lives creatures-- short-lived ?

But, anyways, where was I. . . .Oh yes.--this struck me as too cute sounding and distracting. This is a good place to note that this is written in the first person. I didn't know who it was I was listening to. This would have been better had the protagonist introduced himself earlier.

I suppose you can guess what happens next. That's the problem with trying to be dramatic at the beginning of a story, sometimes you give away things better left as a surprise. But, no matter, on we go!--did you really want to bring the reader into this? It seems too informal and out of place. Again, does this advance the story?

Not even a handful of years past -- I think you meant 'passed'

This did little to aid them when it came to defending their rights, which were never spelled out to begin with.

So it goes that little fights broke out here and there, the bullying in the schools reaching an all time high, and eventually leading to fatalities. There were a good number of riots, and even the top powers on both sides, the leaders of their people, began seeing such fault in the other side they became petulant children themselves. Both human and magicals prejudice began to flare in earnest after that, and the war began.

I will not go into detail, the horrors achieved by both sides too terrible and numerous to name with the time I have here with you, and I would wish the nightmares that would come from them on no one. ------This struck me as an uneven mix of information, either more detail or less would have been better. Can't say exactly why but I didn't like the 'time I have here with you' part--perhaps again getting too familiar with the reader?

Humans had made war for so many years with one another generation before--huh?

only the occasional grudge cropping up here and there, however they are of little note--did you need that last phrase (however...)?

Foolish things about honor and revenge.--not a sentence; okay if you're being poetic, but just FYI.


It will be a long time before the races will be able to do this successfully, the remnants of the awful clash doing much as they, seeking to expand their hold on the lands and to continue themselves--the last half of this sentence was cumbersome and confusing. What/who are the 'remnants'?
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi! Before I resume I just wanted to say that the style of writing here is different than what I remember from what I read in your book about Steele. That work seemed more focused on telling a story. I liked it. It was interesting. What i'm reading here is more rambling and self-indulgent. I don't want to discourage you and I know I may appear harsh in some of my criticisms but it's easy to get lazy in one's writing and I know you have the ability to do a better job. Maybe one strategy would be to write this all out just to capture the story and characters and then go back and ruthlessly cut out all that is not truly part of the story.

It is not necessary to describe all the background stuff. Sometimes it's better to simply let the reader sense there is a greater world behind the action that to try to spell it all out. You can work in the needed history as part of telling the story rather than one big chunk at the beginning.

Also, I don't think i'll be as picky in any future responses to your writing. But this first time out I wanted to give you a more complete picture of the things I am seeing.

And so back to the comments:

Academies was opened for all who were magically inclined, and full of both magical and human teachers--"full of" sounds too informal--something more like 'staffed with'?

At first, being a new thing never tired before, of course it was rough--Too many words--how bout 'at first it was rough.' ?

Not to mention the fact that the magic seemed so unstable --ahh, but you ARE mentioning it--too many words-- 'the magic seemed unstable.' would do.

many accidents though misuse or misunderstanding --'through'?

however in the time I speak of--'of which I speak'


Have you guessed it yet? This final test? Ah well, even if you have, I don't think such knowledge will help you. After all, the test runs different for each of us. As each bonding is different, and each excursion is filled with it's own ups and downs, even the understanding of what stood before these men and woman could not prepare you for seeing it yourself. Not that you ever will, I don't suppose. But, enough of this.

~*~*~*~

Now, I have told you our history, revealed to you the dark past and not so bright future. Do you think you are ready for this tale? Will you be able to face the pain, the loss, the thrill and discovery that is the life of our hero? Ah, sure, you say that, but only time will tell of the truth of your words. So, I think it is time. Yes, it is time to open your eyes to this world, and show you all it has to offer. Both the good. . . And the bad. . . . ----I don't think any of this is needed

The confident smile and easygoing demeanor of the young man standing at the gates of his new schooling facility does little to hide the abject amusement he seems to have for just about everything he sees. Din son of Lisa and Murana, is an easily amused young man--I breathed a sign of relief when I read this. At last the story begins, I thought.

You have established some good ideas to work with--many interesting possibilities. You have a good vocabulary and many of your modifiers work well. However, it often seems you are trying too hard to create a sense of epic drama--this comes across as pretentious. Just stick to the story and the hard facts/details. Cut way back on the verbage--it's like wading through mud. Watch the scene from 'A River Runs Through It' where the faher has his son write a piece before he can go out to play.

We love out beautiful, clever words but if they don't fit, they need to go.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I checked--"A River Runs Through It"-about 5 minutes and 40 seconds into it is the scene that most writers should watch.
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A good story about a magical school. I should say Din should visit the Main hall or the gym hall. Wink He might be someone who would be a great athlete, since he can absorb pain from jumping from high places. And maybe not a bad rock climber too-- use for those long toenails. Or maybe he could join the mechanic side of things, to build armor for his naked legs.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 9:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

As he is walking down a path to the dorm he senses something...He stops, turns his head and sees a lone figure practicing martial arts in an amphitheater nestled into the side of a hill far below the path.

As he approaches he continues to sense some kind of connection with this person and then he is shocked to see it is his partner from 6 years ago.

Closer still he realizes that it is not his partner--just an amazing resemblance. Yet the sense of connection is still there. But before he can call out a second, elderly figure steps onto the stage and a cloud enshrouds the martial artist.

"very good," calls out the teacher and the shroud dissipates to reveal the student is a Girl! (or a bunny, or a tapdancing watermelon, or an Inhibit--that's sort of like a Hobbit, but they're afraid to do anything--take your pick; I was thinking it would be something that would both attract Din, yet present some kind of problem at the same time)---


This is probably more plot than you were looking for, but it came to mind and I thought i'd throw it out there for you.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 12:09 pm    Post subject: Polling Reply with quote

Well, I was waiting for Sagi-kun to add his suggestion, but I can't wait any longer. Setting up the poll now, please vote! OH, and of course, thank you all for reading!
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 12:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

voted-- head to main hall and gym
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for voting Kisses!
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 4:36 pm    Post subject: Vote Reply with quote

Thanks for voting Aki-chan! I'm going to poke all my readers a bit and hope for a few more votes before putting up the next chapter.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 4:46 am    Post subject: Poll Results Reply with quote

Where to next?
Head to cafeteria for a bite, meet and greet a bit, then off to dorm to unpack.

66% [ 2 ]
Off to the library for "Research".

0% [ 0 ]
Head to the main hall and perhaps the gym.

33% [ 1 ]
While walking to the dorm he spots someone practicing martial arts that looks like his old partner that turns out to be someone surprising.

0% [ 0 ]

Total Votes : 3

Who Voted: AkiBlue, Kisses, sheik

Thanks for the votes! I hope to get a chapter up this week! *Crosses fingers* And thank you to all my readers for reading. *Bows*
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