City of IF

[Random]

Hi everyone!

We are going to try something a bit different and hold a linear stories contest. If this gets a decent response I'll make this a monthly or bi-monthly thing. Here is how it works:

A topic and genre will be posted along with an accepted word count.

You will have about 3 weeks to write a short story, edit it, and post it for consideration.

Proof readers will take your story, break it down, make sure it fits the word limit, grammar, spelling, plot, character development, etc. are all present and correct.

You can make changes to your story all the way up to the final posting date. After that, the stories that have not passed the critique will be disqualified. Those that are left will be put up for a vote for anyone to vote on.

If you win, you get to brag for a whole month.

This will be run like a professional writing contest. Your story will be edited, picked apart, and thoroughly looked at. If you exceed more than ten spelling or grammar errors, your story will be given back to you to rewrite. So check your work.

If your work goes over the word limit it will be given back to shorten. If it remains the same length it will be disqualified.

If your story does not follow the topic and genre, it will be given back to you to rewrite.

I have participated in many a professional writing contest in my time, no I haven't won any but I've had a couple of stories published in college, for whatever that is worth. I know how they operate. I know how harsh the editors can be. We won't do that. We are all somewhat mature people, and can deal criticism in a friendly and helpful manner. If you as the writer choose to ignore it, your story will be disqualified and deleted.

Things that must be right vs. artistic freedom- There are things like plot, and flow that might be your intent. That is totally cool. A proof reader might suggest that you pick up the pace or add more detail here and there. That is your choice to do or not. If you feel the story can stand on its own without change that is fine. Spelling, grammar, genre, word count, etc. are expected to be correct, no exceptions.

If you are proofreading- Look for spelling and grammar mistakes first. Word count comes next. Then answer the following questions for the story.

Did it stay within the genre?
Did it follow the topic?
Did it have a beginning, middle, and an end?

After you have done this feel free to comment on the story as you see fit. Bear in mind that anything beyond what is listed above is pretty much considered opinion. This can be taken or left by the author.

Ok that is pretty much it in a nutshell. I am going to give you all a chance to ask questions before I get the ball rolling on this.

[Mordok]

Whats a nutshell?

Ok, bad joke time is over. This is going to be great.

By genre, do you mean something vague like, Fantasy?
Or will it be more seventh sanctum idea generator like? The story must start with a death and end in a moat. Hunger plays a large role in your story.

Either way, it sounds cool.

[Smee]

Yeah, can't wait.

Understand the need to wait for questions though.

Don't wait too long. :)

[Anne the f**k\'in man]

how many words? :shock:

[Random]

Mord- The genre will be vague at times to give the author a little room to stretch. Sometimes I might get a bit more specific but rarely will I get as specific as the Seventh Heaven Generator.

An example would be: Write a 1200 word story about Raistlyn Laramie, a hard boiled thief simply trying to get his life straight. Genre- Mystery/Suspense. Word length- 1200.

Anne- This will vary from contest to contest. Usually it will be in 1000-1500 word category. You don't have to write that much, I'm willing to easily concede that up front, but you can't write more than that.

Ok since that was all the questions, and I know the new Battle game is picking up, I will post the first challenge at 12:00 pm, cst.

[Random]

It's challenge time!

Post date: Feb. 14
Due date: March 5

Topic: Tell the story of Felix, a grizzled, burnt out warrior trying to reclaim his younger glories. (What really happens to him is completely up to you.)

Genre: Fantasy (Seems to be the popular one)

Length: 1200 words.

Please read the rules above before submitting.

Spelling and grammar do count so check your work.

You have until March 5th to post a story. You can post and make edits, changes, or delete your story up to this date. On March the 6th the poll will go up for one week to vote on who wrote the best story. The Winner will be announced at the end of the week.

Good luck!

[Smee]

Ok, I'll give it a go....

A large white oak tree, along with the customary beer tankard, identified the impressive wooden structure in front of me as The White Oak Inn I’d been looking for. A warm murmur of noise floated from the front door, accompanied by the smell of beer and straw in an inviting way. Shouldering my pack more comfortably, and straightening my aching back, I walked as casually as I could through the door.

The room was not busy, but had a healthy number of locals enjoying an evening nightcap. I strode confidently to the bar. None seemed to note my arrival.

“Bartender, I want a pint, a good meal, and your finest room for the night.”

Sandin looked up, and recognised me immediately, despite how long it had been. A tired frown was instantly replaced with a smile as big as my own.

“Felix, how good to see you again. Of course, of course; a room is already made up and Sara has made a wonderful pheasant tonight, with those garlic potatoes you like so much.”

As he said it I wondered how I had missed the smell, it drifted across the room, cutting a path through the smoke that blocked it’s way.

“Wonderful,” I replied, “I’ll just go set my bag in my room and be back down for that pint.”

Sandin moved to serve another customer as I walked up the back stairs. Washed, and refreshed, I headed back down and collected a waiting pint. Finding a seat along the back wall I settled into its limited privacy.

I marked the small differences to the place, as my mind cast about for how long it had been since I’d left home to make the journey here. 15 years was the answer. Had it really been so long? The fireplace was bigger, and dirtier. The stools dotted about the place were mismatched as new replaced old. The customers were much the same, but their heads didn’t turn in recognition as I walked by. Had it really been so long? I repeated the question to myself in vain, knowing the answer was correct.

Taking a sip of my beer I relaxed and went back once again to my greatest feat.

I was 20, young and foolhardy, but strong and proud to go with it. Astride a magnificent horse, it’s steel armour gilded with gold, I waited on the battlefield. My armour was more like spun silver, wrapped around the contours of my body like a second skin. More gold embellished it, and it shone in the morning sun. Around me five thousand of Retchar’s finest knights lined up to my command, mounted and well trained in war.

As I always did in battle, I charged straight in with my whole strength. The entire army thundered across the field ready to smash into our foes at the other side. Their army stretched across the entire width, with numbers dwarfing our own three fold. An undisciplined archer belied their weapon with a nervous shot that bounced way ahead of us. We’d ran under arrows before, I heeded it not.

A passing waitress caught my eye, which for a second I took as recognition. My heart leapt with the hope, but it soon flickered and died as she moved to talk to someone at the table in front of me. I went back to my reminiscence.

The line of cavalry hit the front ranks seconds after the hail of arrows from my flanking archers hit their backs. I’d suffered losses in the final gallop as we came into range but as the enemy floundered under my archer fire, my line crashed into them. We had spread out in a thin line, and ran through them like a fire across paper. My archers appeared at the crest of the hill behind the field and shot a direct volley into the retreating archers. Free from the threat of more arrows my cavalry reined in just underneath the archers and reformed, ready to charge again. Depleated by over half, the enemy still had plenty of men left. I isolated their leader; a ruthless killer that had evaded justice for a decade or more, and turned straight toward him. 2000 knights to either side of me instantly turned. My first strike took of the leaders head and marked me to all as a Hero. My men dispatched his guard and soon ended the battle, the leaderless remaining troops almost immediately capitulating.

I’d been given a medal and a fat pension from the Crown. For near twenty years I lived the rich life, enjoying my fame and my fair share of impressionable young women. I never married, instead loving the freedom to move around and do what I wanted. Any thug that got in my way soon went home nursing a broken arm if he was lucky. I was invincible.

And damn it I still am!

The forcefulness of the thought broke me out of my past. Despite my years I suddenly felt I could do anything again. The persistent pain in my back seemed to fade, my legs felt giddy with energy. I stood up and went outside. The cold air refreshed me, and I took a deep breath. Shunning the thought of fetching either my cloak or my sword I wandered off into the night, not knowing what I was looking for. The town was a fairly large one, it even had surrounding walls that offered welcome protection. Alleyways crisscrossed the streets, their contents lost in shadows, a maze of twisting walkways that were efficient shortcuts across the town if you knew them. There were quite a few people out, walking arm in arm, despite the late hour.

Wanting to escape notice for the time being, and fearing nothing in my newfound confidence I turned up the nearest alleyway. The darkness faded to a muted grey once my eyes adjusted, and I made my way for quite a distance before tripping over a cat half hidden behind a old barrel. The screech it made disguised the soft tread of the man behind me as he caught me around the neck and instantly had a blade held there.

“One move and you’re dead. Now give me your money grandpa,” he sneered.

Boy did he pick the wrong night for this, I thought to myself. He wasn’t going to be bothering anyone for a while once I’d finished with him. It slipped into the small of my back before I’d even braced myself for the throw I was about to perform to disarm him. I felt the pain almost immediately but couldn’t identify it. What had he done? I moved to do as I had intended, but my treacherous legs just gave way and I collapsed to the floor. I felt him searching for the bag at my side, snatching it he ran off as the rest of my body gave in and I fell to the floor. Dirt was an alien taste in my mouth as I fell sideways and stopped moving.

My last thoughts drifted into darkness, but I just managed to see myself charging across a great battlefield to victory as all went black.

1200 words proved to be a struggle, and I had to chop a bit. It should be exactly 1200 - nobody find any sentences with missing words or I'm screwed. :wink:

I want no mercy guys, and gals - Grammar, style, spelling, story, character - if you can find fault, then find it. :D

Cheers :D

Edit: Corrections have been made, and I'm down to 1199 words :D Thanks Raven and Mordok for your comments.

[Ravenwing]

Looks good. You know I didn't believe you when you first said that this was exactly 1200 words, so I copied and pasted it into Word, and voila! it was 1200 words. I will give you a nice review once I read it. *grabs printed copy from printer and runs off to eat dinner*

[Random]

Ok I did a little research and found that most professional writing contest do give a safety of 20 words. So if you wanted to add something Smee, I'll allow up to 20 extra words.

It's because I'm such a sweetie...

[Smee]

I know you are. :wink:

My original length was about 1350, so 20 doesn't help me really in this case. Good to know if I try again. :)

[Random]

Not my best work but here is my submittal. You are right Smee, the 1200 word limit was the toughest part. I think I'll up it to 1500 next time.

“Another token for the Prince it seems,” Felix said to the younger guard walking next to him as they both looked at the tarp covered statue.

“Didn’t you save the Princes life?” the guard asked.

“Aye, was about twenty-five years ago this last spring,” Felix nodded. “Assassins come all the way from Cornwith to try and end King Herold’s line. Five of the little rats made it up to the room, was me and Ol’ Lem on duty that night. That’s how he got all them scars and the bad leg.”

“But you got them, correct? All but one?”

Felix only nodded. In 25 years, Felix had never seen a single gold piece more than what he made now, nor had he ever been promoted past the rank of Captain of the royal guard. Normally this was not an issue with the old warrior, but he was beginning to feel the effects of time. His body, scarred and exhausted from countless battles, was beginning to rebel against his every demand. His knees hurt after riding, his shoulders ached in the cold, his hands no longer gripped his sword as tightly. Felix was getting old, and he felt it was only a matter of time before he was replaced. He was nearing 50, his brown hair now streaked with gray, his skin a ruddy tan from too many days spent in the blistering sun, and his body weary from years of fighting and hard labor.

“Don’t think I could do that these days,” Felix said with a forced grin.

“Doesn’t seem fair sir, if you don’t mind me saying it. All them years and they haven’t even given you a medal for it.”

Felix just shrugged the memories away. “I ain’t here for medals kid.”

“Could you still do it? Knowing that it would make no difference in your life if the prince lived or died? Could you still put your life on the line for him?”

The questions were honest enough, but Felix had no desire to pursue this line of conversation. Feelings he had buried deep years ago where becoming harder to suppress. Felix said nothing and hurriedly walked away, leaving a young and confused guard to stare at his back.

Felix was confused as well. His bones might ache but he was still an excellent swordsman. He could take a majority of the new recruits even three to one. There was pain to deal with afterwards but he could still do it. Why was he waiting in this town? Did he really want to die as just another captain in the royal guard? Was this what he was meant for?

Too many questions filled his mind, without any answers to any of them. But there was one question that remained in his head, a silent reminder of his station. What else could he do? He was a swordsman, he had no gift for blacksmithing or pottery. He could swing a sword better than most, and that was the extent of his gift to the world.

“Some gift,” Felix said to himself as he entered the tavern the guards frequented the most. At least here he was still somebody.

“Thinking again are you,” came the smooth voice of Tinus the bar keep. Tinus was as old as Felix, and he had gained the tavern from his father. Felix and his old friend Lem had often used this place as a quiet spot.

“Ain’t I always?” Felix asked roughly. Tinus only smiled, as if the question were too easy. Tinus set a mug of ale before the old warrior then leaned his elbows on the counter.

“So will you at least stick around for the ceremony this evening?” Tinus asked innocently. Felix was no longer surprised by Tinus’ ability to read people’s minds. Not literally but he could spot trouble from miles away.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Felix said in a huff. “Where would I go?”

“Hmmm, true enough,” Tinus agreed. “But that doesn’t answer my question. My offer stands for you to come work for me.”

“I’m leaning more towards yes for you Tinus,” Felix responded then took a pull from the mug of ale. “Or maybe I’ll just see where the road leads.”

“Either way you could finally buy your own house, find a woman, settle down, get fat from a complete lack of exercise.” Tinus tried joking but the lack of response moved the bar keep away, letting the old hero stew in his salty wounds.


The ceremony was more pompous then most of the other’s Felix had guarded. As Captain it was his “privilege” to stand behind the thrones. Felix listened to the sour notes played by the horns as the conversation died, and the Prince stood to address the gathering.

It was then that Felix noticed the skinny man with the dark eyes, maneuvering himself towards the front. Felix knew those cold eyes well for he had looked into them 25 years ago. It was the assassin who had nearly shattered Lem’s kneecap. The dark eyes met Felix’s own battle ready gaze, and with a liquid motion the assassin whipped his arm forward, the glint of steel now whipping through the air.

Felix bellowed an alarm as he reached over the throne to grab the prince. All he could do was toss the prince aside like a cloth doll, and that he did. The knife clunked into the throne with reverberating twang. The assassin seeing his plot foiled again produced a small thin sword and charged where the Prince now lay. Felix knew he could not get out from behind the thrones in time and the guards were too far away.

This would not happen, not now on the eve of his retirement. Felix roared a battle cry that had not escaped his lips in far too long. It was filled with the determination of his youth, and his muscles were renewed with energy from a rage that only one who has seen too many friends fall in battle can muster. A new legend was made that night as Felix, desperate, afraid, and angry at the world threw the Princes throne of solid gold into the path of the assassin.

The assassin rolled to his feet only to be met by the fearsome rage of an old familiar warrior. The assassin’s sword came up to block the warriors thrust, but he was far too slow. Felix lopped the head off at the neck with one last cry of victory.

Felix’s breath came hard and fast, and he felt faint when his chest suddenly exploded with pain. Felix looked to the Prince who rushed to the old warrior’s side as Felix fell, his heart no longer able to take the physical demands he had put upon it. Felix looked to the statue to see the tarp had been removed. There in shiny bronze were the watchful eyes of a much younger Felix, standing eternal guard over the throne room.

Felix heard his breath slowing, his body refusing to die until he looked into the pained eyes of the Prince. Then Felix smiled as his soul walked the last path left.

[Ravenwing]

Okay, so I finally read your story. I love the plot, and in only a few scenes you are able to describe to us the whole character. Amazing. As it seems you're really observant when it comes to spelling errors because to me it seems you didn't have any. Mostly just problems with repetition, and awkwardness. But its still good since this is the first story you have written yourself.

Quote: A large white oak tree, along with the customary beer tankard, identified the large wooden structure in front of me as The White Oak Inn I’d been looking for.

Quote: My last thoughts drifted into blackness, but I just managed to see myself charging across a great battlefield to victory as all went black.


Bits of repetition in each of these sentences. Don't suppose you could tweak that a bit? But other than that the grammar is still good.

Quote: “Bar Tender, I want a pint, a good meal, and your finest room for the night.”

The word in red, I believe is one word, so its spelled "bartender." Not unless you meant it be a name, which I figured it wasn't after I read the next sentences.

Quote: As he said it I wondered how I had missed the smell, it drifted across the room, cutting a path through the smoke that blocked it’s way.


The use of the word "wondered" makes the sentence sound really odd. I thought the scent of the food would make him remember his younger days. So to make this sentence make sense, I would say something like "As he said it, he remembered how he had missed the smell as it drifted across the room, cutting a path through the smoke that blocked its way." Its just a thought thats all. My brain could have been tricking my ear when I was reading.

Quote: Sandin [color=yellow]sprang to serve another customer as I walked up the back stairs.

I don't know if this is just me, but whenever I read that sentence I automatically added the word "up" after "sprang" I think its just me because you generally have "up" after the word "sprang." But it does sound like he is bouncing off the walls to me at least that is the image painted whenever I read that sentence.

Quote: I marked the small differences to the place, as my mind cast about for how long it had been since I’d left home to make the journey here. 15 years, came the answer.

That sentence doesn't sound right when read because I don't think 15 "came" the answer, it became the answer. If you really wanted to use the word "came," you could probably write something along the lines of "The answer came in the number 15." Again this is just a thought because to me that sentence sounded really awkward.

Quote: The customers were much the same, but had heads that didn’t turn in recognition as I walked by.

You seem to have weird phrasing or my mind is playing tricks on me. But the way I would say this to make it sound less awkward would be "The customers were much teh same, but none of the heads turned my direction as I walked by." The way you have it know has some weird syntax thus making it awkward.

Quote: My first strike took of the leaders head and marked me to all as a Hero.

I like this description. In one sentence you make this guy sound like a grand hero. Nice and concise. And the capitalizing of "hero" definitely does it job of emphasis. Great job.

Quote: For near twenty years I live the rich life, enjoying my fame and my fair share of impressionable young women.

Tense problem here. You started this paragraph off in the past with "I'd" and then you go on to put the verb "live" in present. Its a bit off. I think you just forgot to put "ed" at the end.

Quote: And damn it I still am!

You are very good with emphasis. In one sentence and due to a little styling of the words you make us see the character's passion. Excellent. A friend of mine saw this comment and said it did NOT show emphasis, but I had to explain to you had word limit.

Quote: The town was a fairly large one, it even had surrounding walls that would stop most.

Just confused here. What do these walls stop? The sentence ends rather abruptly thats all.

I think thats it. Despite the errors, I loved the story. Now I have to go and read Random's story. Great job, Smee. Maybe you should try and write a storygame. :D

[Smee]

Thanks Raven, some excellent points. Because it's my first comment post I'm going to answer it fully. :wink:

- Large twice: Great, I'll change it.

- Same with the black :)

- Bartender was my spellchecker disagreeing with me, and me allowing myself to be corrected.

- Quote: As he said it I wondered how I had missed the smell, it drifted across the room, cutting a path through the smoke that blocked it’s way.


This is happening now, as he is ordering food, not in the flashback, it seems ok to me?

- Sprang? It's a word I've seen in the same context in a book I've read, and it came to mind whilst I wrote. If it sounds odd, then I'll come up with another word, so long as I don't need more than 1 word. :wink:

- 15 Years came the answer: This is supposed to be him receiving the answer from his brain. Consciously he was checking the room for changes, which he later observed, whilst his brain was remembering how long it had been since he was last there. It supplied the answer in that sentence. Would the word 'was' work instead of 'came'?

- This sentence suffered a little from editting, I'll see what I can do with it.

- LOL, this sentence just came out without thought, whilst I struggled over the less successful sentences. Who says that editting is good for writing. :)

- Yup, missing 'd'.

- The town walls: Running out of words... :oops: I'll manipulate it a bit and see if we can't negotiate an end to the sentence. :?


Thanks again for the comments Raven, glad you enjoyed the story. It's my first one, as a straight linear story since my early school days.

[Ravenwing]

Glad you took the comments well. Despite the comments I felt that you did an excellent job writing an original story. I should probably read Random's story to make it even. 8)

[Mordok]

Wow, the competition is going to be fierce. Two great stories so far and more to come I'm sure. I will have one posted soon so you can tear me apart too. :D

I didn't have much to pick on, but I did notice this in your story Smee.

Quote: Around me 5’000 of Retchar’s finest

Is the 5'000 something you did on purpose? If so just ignore me.


Random, I didn't do a word count, but I hope your not at the limit.

Quote: I’ll teach to make everything, and you can retire from that warrior life.”

I think you left a "you" out of this one.

Come on guys, gimme some decent mistakes here. :D

[Smee]

I'm going to confess Random that I didn't quite understand the ending of your story.

Was the ceremony in Felix's honour then?

No problems with style, spelling or grammar that I spotted whilst reading - Mordok is right, this is going to be a tough competition that will probably come down to just readers preference on the actual storyline.

Come on guys, lets get some other stories.

[Random]

Thanks Mordok for spotting that one. I still have a whopping two words to add! WHOO HOO! :) Well one now I suppose.

Smee- Ultimately yes the ceremony was in Felix's honor. I couldn't think of a way to convey Felix's own surprise at his defense of the prince. I'm still working on that. This was a first draft, there will be second draft as I can figure it out. We still have plenty of time. But I do thank you for pointing out the confusion at the end. I was not personally real happy with it myself.

[Mordok]

I was wondering about the assassin. Was he killed or just "taken down" as in pinned to the floor?

Seems a little harsh to have a guy killed for a surprise party. :roll:

My first thought was that he was killed, but after looking back I realized that it may have been left vague on purpose.


I may have mine posted tonight, but don't hold your breath. I type slow.

[Random]

Mordok- The assassin was only taken down, however, when I originally wrote it, the assassin was not part of the ceremony. I got caught in the word trap though and was unsure of how to pull it off. I'm currently reworking the ending to see what I can pull off.

I'm still waiting to read yours by the way. No hurry... just an FYI... :)

[Smee]

Come on people, get those creative heads thinking, get those fingers typing and lets not make this a 2 horse (maybe 3 horse with Mordok) race.

Remember it doesn't have to be perfect first time, you've got until the deadline of March 5th to get comments and advice until you're satisfied with it. Edit it as many times as you want or need.

For those with short memories :

Quote: It's challenge time!

Post date: Feb. 14
Due date: March 5

Topic: Tell the story of Felix, a grizzled, burnt out warrior trying to reclaim his younger glories. (What really happens to him is completely up to you.)

Genre: Fantasy (Seems to be the popular one)

Length: 1200 words.

Happy Writing :)

[Mordok]

Ok, this isn't what I had in mind originally, but its what came out. Gimme the full review so I can change anything that is uncool or that would disqualify me.

Writing this was much cooler than I thought it would be. Its a great exercise in style and creativity. Everyone should do this.

===============================================

I remember the day my Grandfather Felix went to hunt the bear. I had awoken early, frightened awake by a dream and had gone to the great room to stand by the fire. He was there, finishing his preparations, when I arrived.

He was always a large man. Some said this was because a normal frame could not support the weight of such a heart. I always assumed they were talking about the amount of love he showered on his family. Now that I too, feel the coming of winter, I know that this was only a part of it.

It was strange seeing him dressed for the hunt and holding his spear. I had seen his spear many times, and heard its songs just as many, but I had never seen him touch it. It made him look bigger somehow.

“Ah, good,” he said as he saw me enter. “I won’t have to wake you.”

“What is it Grandfather?” I asked. I was always happy when my Grandfather decided to talk. Most of the people in our clan found his stories boring, but I was always fascinated by his talk of the old ways.

“Do you remember how I told you of our past?” he asked. I could only nod to show him that yes, I did remember his tales. Many times, I had listened as he told of our past as great hunters and warriors.

“And do you remember the story of the longest winter?”

Again, I could only nod. I knew the story well. It had happened before I was born, but while my father still lived. A storm had left enough snow to bury the longhouse, trapping everyone inside. When the food ran out, my father and grandfather had dug a tunnel and went into the icy cold to hunt. The bear they found killed my father before falling to my grandfather’s spear. He had lost his son, but had saved his people.

“The day I lost your father I made a vow that I would protect our clan from this ever happening again. I was, as I am now, clan chieftain after all. I added to the livestock pens and grew seeds when the seasons allowed. I started trading our goods for the goods of other clans. Now we are the largest clan and have the biggest halls.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “Your leadership has made our people strong.”

He shook his head. “By strengthening the whole; I have weakened its parts. By securing our future, I have lost our past. We are no longer hunters and warriors; instead we are farmers and traders.”

“So you’re leading a hunting party,” I asked, failing to understand. “So we remember the past?”

“I go alone because I have no future. The men still call me chieftain, but they no longer value my words. They are so afraid to lose what they have worked to achieve, that they don’t see they have lost their pride. They are so busy enjoying the safety they provide to their women that they don’t see the danger to their manhood. If I bring back a bear, maybe they will be reminded of what they can do.”

“A bear,” I asked in disbelief “but Grandfather, you are too old.”

“Then maybe I will find an old bear,” he snapped “maybe a bear that’s claws aren’t as sharp as they used to be. One that is tired of eating the scraps left behind for him by the young bears. A bear that has seen all his friends die and is getting tired of watching things change. Maybe I can find a bear that understands that the winner of our battle can walk with pride for a few more years. Maybe he will know that it’s better to die fighting than to live hiding.”

“But Grandfather,” I asked “aren’t you afraid that you’ll be killed.”

He looked at me as if he knew it would be years before I understood. “I am more afraid that I will live in shame. I am afraid that I will live long enough to forget the face’s of the ones I love. I am afraid that I will be put into the sick room with the old women, no longer able to feed or clean myself. I have already lost the glory of my younger days, and I will not be denied the glory of being able to choose how I live.”

“But…,” I started before his knowing smile cut me off.

“If I am to die, it will be a warrior’s death, and if I am to live, it will be a warrior’s life.”

And with that, my Grandfather turned and left the longhouse, carrying his spear into the winter morning.

===============================================

Anyway, like I said, tear me up with the comments. I need all the help I can get. :D

[Smee]

That was great Mordok. :D

I'll read it again later, but I didn't spot anything to comment on with this read through. :)

[saxon215]

ahhh this threwad was in my own forum and i didnt notice sorry guys i'll keep my mod badge on from now on

[Random]

That was great Mordok! And in only 762 words you have managed to do something I could not! Tell a complete story!

Word didn't catch any mistakes, which means someone will have to do a line edit. :)

By the way, I'm thinking of this idea, you folks tell me what you think.

The winner of the vote gets to pick the subject and genre for next month's contest. As well as bragging rights, and all the hooch he can buy for the next month. When two months in a row, and you will have prostitutes lined up waiting for ya! :)

[Mordok]

Haha Random. Thats not a bad idea at all. Hooch is always cool, but I doubt my wife and kids would like the prostitute thing. I would, but not them.

Quote: I could only nod to show him that yes, I did remember his tales.

My word program didn't like this part, but I left it in anyway. I was trying to get a certain feel, and I couldn't come up with a better way. I don't remember the rule it said I was breaking though. Call it artistic license if you like.


Come on, you other authors. This is a great way to exercise your skills and its relatively painless. We need more than the three of us in this contest. Bragging rights are like gold here at IF.

I wouldn't have written this story on my own, but I like the way it turned out and I look forward to next months contest.

[Smee]

Quote: I wouldn't have written this story on my own, but I like the way it turned out and I look forward to next months contest.

My sentiments exactly. Left to my own devices I'm sure all my stories would revolve around a mage of some sort.

Reiso: by the way, I'm just finished The Golden Fool, and am intend on starting Fool's Fate this evening. Truly awesome series that has left me full of too many ideas, and with a Skill desire of my own. :)

Quote: The winner of the vote gets to pick the subject and genre for next month's contest

Good idea. :)

Quote: Come on, you other authors. This is a great way to exercise your skills and its relatively painless.

Too true. :)

Happy Writing.

[saxon215]

i would but for some od reason all my creativity is going to writiing lyricks and i dont know why
but baby
im hopin that you'll save me
hastily
you swim forward to me
exasperatedly
i shout watch out for the tree!!

[Mordok]

I can't believe theres not more interest in this short story contest. I really thought this would be big here at IF. Shows how out of touch I am huh?

[saxon215]

perhaps its marketting, did anyone apart from moderators know about this, what abput an open forum post

[Random]

Thats a good idea Sax. I'll see if Raven wing is cool with that and get one up for next month's contest.

Just so every one knows we have until March 5th to finish up any loose ends, then all stories will be final. I know I have some changes to make but I'll be darned if the how isn't eluding me right now. Maybe I should drink more in hopes I'll get inspired...

[ethereal_fauna]

I might give this a try. We still working on the grizzled old Felix?

[ethereal_fauna]

Well here's my offering:

A loud snuffling in your face rouses you slightly from slumber. The twittering of birds outside the window prevents dosing completely back off, and again the snuffling ensues. This time the intruder moves into your ear, and a moist warmness accompanies the puffs of air. Your eyes open and focus on a friendly grey muzzle.

With a groan, you push away the large, furred head in mock exasperation. Rising and stretching, joints creak and pop in protest. Musty twigs of straw that offer padding beneath the moth eaten blankets, now dangle loosely from coarse and wiry body hair, hoary with the passage of years. Your gnarled hand scratches absentmindedly on your sagging posterior as you stumble towards the window.

You fling a string of profanities at the offensive avians cheerfully warbling in the tree line, causing a bitter ruckus as the birds take flight. You turn back to your bunk with a satisfied smile pulling at the corners of your mouth. You still strike fear into the hearts of men and beasts, at least small feathery beasts.

Poking at the ashes of a fire, the embers roar back to life bringing light and warmth. As a strong coffee brews, you scratch behind the ears of your lupine cousin. Long have the nights drawn on, cold and lonely except for the companionship of this faithful wolf.

The hot bitter beverage elicits a grimace, along with crude thoughts of the soft sissies proclaimed as heroes today. Clad in iron, mounted atop chiseled steeds, these yellowed men participate in a joust. A fabricated contest that demonstrates fabricated bravery.

You know true valor. Many savage monsters faced death at your hands. Many glorious battles won under your leadership. Always the sweet kiss from the rescued damsel whose virginal lips shyly brush your own rewarded you. A kiss whose flowery scent would be remembered later as you ignore the foul smell of mead coming from the mouth of the whore panting beneath you.

Today you will receive that lovely reward again. The widow and her beauteous daughters, eyes wide and full of innocence, will shower you with praise and kisses for vanquishing the demon, stealing cattle in the night. You think to yourself that this should not pose much challenge, but enough, yes enough for a foolish old warrior.

You intend to surprise the beast while it sleeps the day away, belly full of purloined flesh. Dressing warmly to stave away uncommon aches, you tread through the frosty morning, following heavy tracks. How long since your last adventure? Too many years, you grumble to the wolf.

Only a moment in time has passed since the townsfolk proclaimed you the most ruthless warrior. People far and wide associated your name with menacing titles. Felix the Terrible, or Felix the Heartless rang on every brigand’s lips. How fleeting are the days of glory.

The demon proves crafty, hiding well and deep into the woods. Still you wander, intent to bag the quarry. On a sheltered rock you stop to rest. Weary too soon. Weary too often. The weather is now too cold.

A lonesome howl echoes through the trees.

[Mordok]

Glad to see you onboard Ethereal. I was getting worried that no one else would participate. Thanks for joining in.

Great story. Another fine example of what can be done with a vague scenario and a great imagination. This is fun.

I didn't do a word count. but I'm sure someone will soon.

[Smee]

Only 522, very impressive.

Another entree, and a great story. As Mordok said, great to have you on board :D

[ethereal_fauna]

Thanks for the warm welcome, guys. I think the stories already posted will whip my a55 but it was fun to write my two cents anyways!

[Random]

My money is on Smee or Mordok this month as well Ethereal. Nothing against your story at all, it was really good! But those two wrote a more complete story. I felt your story didn't have an end to it. What ends up happening to Felix?

My story just goes to abruptly. But for some reason I cannot wrap my brain around how to fix it. There is still two more days though. Poll will go up on Saturday. As far as I can tell there are four entries and they all meet the spelling and grammar criteria, and word length.

Ok I'll stop yammering now. Good luck to you all! :)

[ethereal_fauna]

Random wrote: I felt your story didn't have an end to it. What ends up happening to Felix?
That was the point. Did Felix die, and his lupine companion utter a lonely howl? Or did he find and slay the demon, who spends its final breath in a lonesome lament?
I wasn't sure how to end it, so I just left it up in the air.

I'm partial to Mordok's story. I thought it was the best written, in my own humble opinion.

[Mordok]

Vote for me and all your wildest dreams will come true.

Sorry, had to do it. :oops:

[ethereal_fauna]

Mordok wrote: Vote for me and all your wildest dreams will come true.

Sorry, had to do it. :oops:
I don't know, I have some pretty wild dreams :twisted:

[Random]

Out of the blue I'm hit with inspiration! My new story comes in at a slim 1,194 words and I think this one is much better. But I am always willing to admit, that it might suck. :)

Let me know what you all think!