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Chapter 15 - The Battle for Chundyer.
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Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:37 pm    Post subject: Chapter 15 - The Battle for Chundyer.  

Chapter 15 - The Battle for Chundyer.

Evil Homer, a renowned Paladin, and a small band are in search of the Dark Heart, a powerful artifact that could help destroy the Evil Phang and end her plans for world domination. Unfortunately Phang is also looking for the Heart, and has sent a hideous Demon to search for it too.
Meanwhile, the Dark Queen Phang and her Army have broken the Silver Land''s main defense, Fort Cra-yon, and are now outside the Gnomish city of Chundyer, ready to attack.

Cast (in no particular order):
Evil Homer as ‘The Paladin Hero’
Chainfire as Homer’s sword.
Araex as Homer’s steed.
DukeReg as Oaf Duke Reginald Percival Thunderking Harwobble the Fifth.
Key as the Magical dignified Chamber Pot.
D-Lotus as the Elven special forces commander
Sunbellina as Duke Reg’s little sister.
Solomon Birch as a misguided Drow.
Shanty as Captain Shanty.

Ingrothechundyer as Ingro Chundyer the Gnome King.
Reiso as Gnome Prince Reiso
CowofDoom666 as The Cow of Doom
Cantolope as King of the Fairies

Sorrow as a mysterious robed figure.
Idea Master as his wretched minion.
Mother goose as a hydroose
Shady Stoat as The Twisted Witch.

Phang as The Dark Mistress
Muaddib as a wheely thing.
Lord of the Night as an Evil Demon Warrior.
Powers That Be as General Powers ‘the perverted.’
Luvd and Mr Moochie as ‘The Ravens’
Smee as the slug.
Dean as the Dean the Head.
Etheral Fauna as Ms. Slug

The Fallen.
Jnmrcs as the High Commander
Hyperion as the Mage.

And introducing…
Author as a Gnomish Wizard.

Prince Reiso.

Prince Reiso was standing at the gate of the Cow of Doom’s field feeling pleased with himself. With the cow under his protection surely the city was now safe.

He was distracted by the figure of his childhood friend strolling up to him. Author was now a leading wizard in the Gnome academy of magic, but the two had remained close over the years. It had been Author who had alerted Reiso to The Cow in the first place.

“What ho your highness” said Author, bowing and then stooping to pick his pointed hat up. Author was a short fat character, red cheeks glowing with gnomish vitality. His robes were a light purple, and billowed about him as he moved.

“Loyal subject” replied Reiso grinning widely. It was a theme of an old joke the two friends had played for many years now. “What brings you into my royal presence?”

Author grinned. I have found a spell, a very rare and old one, which should render The Cow immune to harm.” He made a pass in the air and a piece of parchment, yellow with age appeared in his hands.

Reiso moved over to look at it and frowned. “How old is this? You can barely read it!”

“I am a wizard of power, never fear, I can read it clearly!”

Reiso shrugged and held his hand out towards the Cow. “I suppose you know what you are doing. Be my guest.”

Author raised his hands and, after quick glance at the sheet started to incant. Reiso stepped back and watched as Author waved his arms around in magical gestures. A wind blew from nowhere, and sparks leapt off Author’s clothes as he chanted. His voice rose to a crescendo as he raised both hands in the air and shouted a final Word of Power.

The Cow of Doom looked up startled. A faint mist formed about it and then settled, seemingly seeping into the Cow. When it disappeared the cow remained, but now its hide fairly glowed with a healthy sheen.

“See?” said Author. “Told you. It is an Ancient spell: The Dearth of Ills.”

“I must admit, it does look well. Although.” Reiso frowned. “What is that mark? Look!” He pointed at The Cow. “Let me see that.” He snatched the ancient paper from Author and squinted at the parchment for a moment before looking up. “You idiot! This is Death of Ills! Death not Dearth!”

They both looked up as The Cow of Doom suddenly made an unpleasant noise.

“Oops.” Said Author.

The Cow of Doom’s initial healthy glow was fading, and marks around its middle and neck appeared, as if something was eating it from the inside. It took a step to the left, then staggered to the right. Finally, with a last distressing “Mooom!” the cows’ midrift burst open, spewing blood and guts all over the ground. It collapsed in half and fell to one side. As it hit the floor its head detached from the body and rolled away, ending up facing Reiso and Author, a reproachful look upon its face.

Author looked at the head for a moment, eyes wide, and then turned to Reiso. “Er, maybe I should have practiced on a normal cow first.”

King Chundyer.

The day was fading into evening, and still Phang’s massed horde had made no move. The king was getting nervous. “What are they waiting for?” he asked to the world in general, shading his eyes and squinting at the enemy for the thousandths time.

King Cantolope fluttered down from a stone crow carved above a doorway, where he had been sitting to get a better view. “The forces of Evil await the night, when they are stronger and we are less so. The General that leads this horde is no fool. I have had some intelligence on the man, and he is as brilliant in the field as he his deviant in the bed. Or floor. Or torture chamber.”

“Wait something is happening!” King Chundyer squinted once again. “There, on the hill!”

As King Cantolope strained to see what the Gnome King had seen, Prince Reiso and a wizard rushed up the stairs and onto the balcony which Chundyer had chosen for the view of the battlefield it afforded.

“King - king! I have news!” panted Reiso. The tower was a high one, with many stairs.

“Not now Reiso” the king waved his hand in annoyance. “Something is happening on yonder hill.”

Reiso’s wizard friend looked and then jerked as if stung. “Ware!” he said. “Those are dark wizards! They are preparing their magics. The attack is about to begin! See!” He pointed upwards.

Clouds began to gather in the sky above the city with supernatural speed. A low and ominous rumble of thunder echoed around the city. Then flashes of white as lightning struck the main wall several times. The king could see the explosions as stone and bodies were flung high into the air. He winced to see brave Gnomes give up their lives.

More lightening struck, but now the defense Mages were ready, and the damage done was minimized as counter-spells began to take effect.

Then there was another rumble, this time from the ground as the main body of the horde began to move. Thousands of Orcs, ogres and trolls began to run forward, slowly at first but with increasing speed. They held huge iron shields infront of them to help defend against the gnomish cannons. Massed lungs roared their Dark Queens name. “Phhaaang!!”

“Cannons, cannons.” Muttered King Chundyer under his breath, hopping from one foot to another in anticipation. He glanced at the Fairy King and Cantolope nodded. His fairies were ready.

Then there was a huge roar as the cannons let loose their deadly charge into the swarming horde. Massive explosions ripped gaping holes in the attacking forces, and it was the turn of the dark to die as the high explosive shrapnel charges ripped through them, tearing bodies apart and flinging severed limbs over the field of battle. However, the massive shields did their job, and the front ranks of Phang’s army remained relatively intact.

“Hahahaha! Take that you fiends! See how you like it!” shouted King Chundyer, shaking his fist at the distant horde. Then he looked at the damage the cannons had done and shook his head. “Not enough.” He said. “Not enough.”

Author spoke then. “I feel power building. It is Phang, she is going to…”

Explosions ripped through the air again, but this time from the cannon ports as some mighty magic was directed at them. The ground shook and the cannons fell silent, as the horde roared aloud once more. They discarding their shields, and charged forward anew, faster now they didn’t have to carry their heavy defense. They closed on the city with frightening speed. Scaling ladders began spring up.

Muskets fired from the wall, and arrows began to rain down upon the attackers, Orcs fell in the hundreds, but the Ogres were heavily armored and the trolls just ignored them. On they came, ever closer and King Chundyer nearly broke a stone off the balcony wall he was grasping it so hard.

Then, as the attacking army closed, the cannons, supposedly destroyed, boomed once again. This time the range was shorter, and the horde no longer had any way of shielding the impact. Orges and trolls simply ceased to be, and massive craters appeared in the horde’s line, surrounded by remains of the dark soldiers ripped apart by the enormous power of the guns.

King Chundyer did a little dance of glee. “Hahahaha! It worked! It worked!” He slapped King Cantolope on the back, knocking the fairy over the edge of the balcony. “Whoops!” He smiled again as the Fairy king reappeared, wings fluttering madly.

“What happened?” asked Reiso. “I thought Phang took out the cannons.”

“A ruse my boy a ruse.” The King paused as the cannons once again rang out, causing more carnage to the attackers. “The fairies blocked Phangs’ magics, but simultaneously set off charges near the cannon ports to make it look like they had been destroyed. It was a risk I will admit, but we figured she wouldn’t look too closely if her spell appeared to have worked.”

Reiso nodded and looked at the battle. The unexpected cannon attacks had demoralized the horde as well as cutting massive swathes through their ranks. Still, they were no cowards and were continuing to push forward. Even now the leading ranks were inside the cannon’s field of fire, and scaling ladders were going up against the walls. On the top, gnomish soldiers pushed them back, or dropped boiling oil on the Orcs climbing up.

The King could hear the cries in the distance as the Gnomish defense took a terrible toll on the diminished Horde forces. As night fell the action became less clear and they had to rely on reports relayed via messenger or from King Cantolope who was in mental contact with his fairy troops, still defending the cannons.

Though they had taken a terrible beating the Evil army pushed on. Once inside the cannon’s field of fire they had the weight of numbers on their side. Also Phang had realized she had been duped and, failing to get through the fairies defense had started lobbing fireballs and death magics at the defenders. The gnomish mages couldn’t counter her spells as well as the Dark Army Wizards, and brave gnomes fell where they stood, some had flesh slide off their bodies, or maybe they just burst into flame. Phang’s dark magics were terrible to behold.

Even so, even she couldn’t turn the tide, the Gnomes fought back bravely, and few Orcs made it to the top of the wall. Those that did found themselves swarmed on by gnomish infantry and fell quickly.

Finally the armies of the dark could take no more, and turned and fled, leaving their dead and dying behind them. The defenders raised cheers and jeers as their foes retreated, and a cry of ‘Chundyer’ rose up from the walls and the city itself.

Still on the balcony King Chundyer slumped back into a chair. “We held them, by Crom! We held them off.”

Reiso put his hand on his fathers shoulder. “We did it. We defeated Phang!”

Cantolope stepped forward. “We haven’t won yet. Phang still has many of her forces that were not committed this day, and she herself is an ever present threat of course. Still, our victory here will boost the troop’s moral. They will see that Phang is not invincible.”

King Chundyer rose wearily. He felt as if he had been in the fight himself. “They deserve a chance to recover.” He turned to a messenger. “Tell the Generals to keep a watch, but order wine, not too much - we need the men to be fit tomorrow, and food sent to the fighters. This victory deserves to be celebrated.”

The messenger saluted and ran off. King Chundyer turned to Reiso. “What did you and your friend here want to tell me before the battle?”

Reiso paused. With victory the demise of The Cow seemed a foolish thing now. “Oh, nothing important.”

The King nodded and turned to King Cantolope. “I will retire to my chambers for now Lord Fairy. Will you join me for supper later?”

Powers That Be.

General Powers stood on a small hill surrounded by his subordinates and consulting charts and maps. He winced as he heard Phang approach, sending a poor soldier who was unlucky enough to get in her way flying through the air on fire. Here it comes, he thought and braced himself.

Powers straighten and put on an at-ease expression, with the mere hint of a confident smile.

“What are you smiling about?!!” screeched Phang, electrical bolts crackling about her form in her rage. “Half my Orcs decimated, the army thrown back and you stand there smiling like a soon to be horribly tortured idiot!”

“The Orcs are expendable my Queen,” Powers waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. “Please be patient. The battle has just begun.” He turned towards the distant wall and stood waiting.

Phang, confused for once in her life, stood and looked at him.

Near the cities main watch-tower a dark winged figure took to the air. The city troops were busy celebrating on the ground and hence failed to notice it flying into the night sky. Near where it had been, shadows began to creep towards the gate tower…

Dean the Head.

Lying amongst the debris of the Fort at Cra-yon was a round lump. Occasionally it let out a small moan, or a Bad Word.

Dean the Head, left behind when Phang’s army had marched had not been having a nice time. First he had been a plaything for a baby Orc for a while, enduring various bodily ejections and gummings. When the baby had finally lost interest a group of slightly older Orcs had used him for a football, resulting in some serious bruising. Once the game was over (7 - 5 to the ‘scales’ team) they had thrown him into the cattle pens, which had been a smelly and generally un-nice experience, though possibly better than the Orcs.

At last one cow had kicked him (in the head, because that’s the only place he could be kicked) out of the pens and into a corner, where he had lain ever since, a period of several days at least. On top of it all he had lost his hat.

He was reflecting upon his seemingly tortuous immortality when a figure loomed over him. Head groaned, not another one! Then he made an exclamation of surprise. “You!” he said. The figure hushed him as he picked Dean up and carried him away from the pens. The cattle ignored both of them.

King Chundyer.

The King was just finishing dinner when the noise started. He looked up in alarm as a messenger ran into the dining chamber, blood oozed from a wound in his head.

“Sire! Lord King! The Horde is in the city! We are undone!”

“What!” King Chundyer and the others around the table stood. “How can this be?”

The messenger swayed slightly but reported. “Somehow the gates were opened from the inside, and then a mass of Drow who must have been waiting nearby forced a beachhead. Meanwhile Harpies and other winged creatures have attacked from above, they have carried in undead with them and now there is a Dark force inside the city between the troops and the civilian populous. We are split in two!”

Prince Reiso paled and looked over at Author, remembering The Cow of Doom’s fate.

Meanwhile the messenger, his duty done slumped to the floor.

The king snapped his fingers at a servant. “See to him.” He rose and turned to his allies. “We need to rally our forces.” He started barking orders to messengers.

Author touched the king on the shoulder as he was speaking, interrupting him. “King Chundyer, the city walls were the only thing keeping us from defeat. Now they have been breached the Horde will be upon us. I suggest we remove your highness to a safe place…”

Prince Reiso was on the King’s other side. “He is right father, maybe now is the time to use the tunnels, the Head of State must survive…”


Phang laughed in glee as she threw a bolt of lightning at a Giant who was stamping on her undead. “Powers, you have outdone yourself this time!”

They were inside the city with Phang leading the charge on her Smee slug. Her face was sweating as she threw death magic left and right at the defenders, who were madly trying to re-group. Muaddib was wheeling along beside the Slug, occasionally cocking a wheel to mark this new territory as his.

Powers smiled and cut down a Gnome with his great sword, and then turned as a Drow Elf scout pulled up next to him and threw a salute. “General! I bring a report.” He handed Powers a piece of paper and waited for the General to read it.

Powers read the report, frowned and then motioned for the Elf to go. He approached Phang. “Dark Queen, I have a report from the scouts. It seems that King Chundyer has been seen riding west with a small army, I don’t know their exact numbers. Simultaneously the larger force we saw before has been spotted approaching from our rear, it seems they may attack our flank.

Phang paused to throw a disintegration spell at a nearby fairy and turned to Powers. “That’s not such good news General. I need the troops we have to pacify the city before running off out to engage another force.” She frowned. I suppose we could send a force out to intercept the Cowardly king, though then we would be weakening ourselves, and I am not sure we could fend off the other attackers if we do that.” She frowned. “What do you suggest Powers?”

Powers That Be pursed his lips and thought about it…
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 3:26 pm    Post subject:  

Im insulted
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Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8879

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:07 am    Post subject:  

Okay, poll deleted as Chapter 17 is up.

People voted to stay in the city and prepare for a possible attack.
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