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Chapter 5: Flight
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Key



Joined: 08 Feb 2004
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Location: The Royal Palace

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:38 pm    Post subject: Chapter 5: Flight  

The fifth chapter of the featured storygame "The Machine's Daughter" has been posted:

Chapter 5: Flight

Discussion and voting are complete for Chapter 5.

For more about the storygame, see the New Players Start Here topic in this forum.
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saxon215
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:58 pm    Post subject:  

oooooooooh good chapter ii enjoyed it and the descriptions were great.
personally i;d try and find either a map or someone who was freindly and would show me around but i'm not sure if Pilla would be willing to do the second becuse she is lost, alone and scared by much of what surrounds her.
is it just me or did i get first post again?
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Smee
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 1:29 am    Post subject:  

Hey,

THis was a great chapter. We are now seeing the true beginning of the story, and as Sax said, the detail is great.

Little bits like the comfort in the logical and the insult to Peran are excellent, and really explain Pilla's mind well.

Money seems the major issue, as she is unlikely to find anyone friendly enough to help unless she can at least pay. Attempting to without money is likely to just draw attention to her that she doesn't need now.

So how to make money...

She needs somewhere ordered, and to some degree, logical. The only thing that leaps to mind is somewhere like a library. A job working for a library might offer her some comfort in the books and the logic of an indexing system. It may only be a few coins for an afternoon of replacing books on a shelf but it could make the difference.

Another possibility is to look for a place of learning, a school/university where she might be able to impress someone interested in the Zigot culture or just philosophy enough to earn a few coins as a guest speaker.

I don't know what her maths skills are like, but if she is good at logic then she could be pretty good at maths. Maybe a money-lenders/bank could give her some work. The order of a money-system could appeal to her in the confusion of the city.

That's all my ideas for now, I await to see what others think of.

Happy Writing. :)
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Muaddib
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:29 am    Post subject:  

Great chapter, errr don't have much to add now.
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saxon215
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:54 am    Post subject:  

perhaps a "cant wait till the next" would fit?
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Shady Stoat
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:34 am    Post subject:  

Wonderful chapter. Great set of reactions to what's just happened - followed by an ill-conceived flight and an afterthought of what to do next. Can't fault it! :D

I think her concerns are rather more immediate than finding a job. Even if she gets lucky and finds someone to take her on, it will be a day or more before she sees any money for her efforts. She is hungry now!

Emotionally, she's scared and alone. She has a severe grounding in logic, though, and her emotions have got her into nothing but trouble so far. I would think she'll go back to what she knows best.

Terrifying though it may be, I think approaching one (or more) of the food-traders may be worthwhile. She can tell them she's hungry but has no money and would be glad to work in return for something to eat. One of them may take pity on her, or at least see the possibilities of a day's labour for a cheap slice of bread or two.

Once her immediate hunger is taken care of, I thoroughly agree with Smee that a library or centre of learning may be her best bet for getting some money.

Of course she will want to move on towards Gorgus and the Goatfoot Forest, but she will presumably still need money for transportation to get there. That can only come with time and hard work - unless Pilla gets a lucky break of course. You never can tell ;)
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saxon215
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:11 am    Post subject:  

but Pilla is naieve and would easily be taken advantage of
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ethereal_fauna
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:20 am    Post subject:  

Even though she'd just bargained away all her coins to the Zigot merchants, perhaps she could return to them and ask to earn her money back? They're more familiar to her than anything else around her.

Otherwise, Stoat and Smee both offered great suggestions.
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saxon215
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:25 am    Post subject:  

or perhaps work for the zigots?
they are the clposest to her like fauna said and they might be good friends later on?
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jnmrcs
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:21 am    Post subject:  

Something is for sure she needs money. I preffer the idea of shady. She could try to work for food right now and later work for money.
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 7:33 pm    Post subject:  

Wonderful chapter as always. I relieved that Pilla's guilt has evaporated about the incident with Peran.

Like everyone has said, money does seem to be a problem here in this strange town Pilla has arrived in. I like Smee's idea about working at a library or university. Maybe she will find a professor or somebody who knows of the Goatfoot people. I don't think there is much she can do with her Philosophy knowledge right now. What Pilla really needs to learn is some street smarts more than anything else.

I would say Pilla better avoid theft in this place. Peran maybe a bastard and all, but he did tell her to be wary of the Scarpi. They probably don't look well upon lawbreakers, or foreigners. Best take caution in this place, seems a bit shady.
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saxon215
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:17 pm    Post subject:  

ummmm randoim question here, i thought i might try and rise up in Perrans defence, because nobody else wants to, would he have also been drunbk at the time?
i mean we know hes bigger and more used to alcohol but we also know he was drinking stronger goatfoot wine and even if he wasent completely drunk he stilkl would have been affected by the alcohol, remember hoiw reserved and afraid he has been of pilla when he gave her the cake? it just seemes a little strange.
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:38 pm    Post subject:  



They were probably a little tipsy. Pilla probably has never experienced alcohol with her sheltered life. And I don't think Peran would be sane enough after drinking Goatfoot wine. If he had to water down Pilla's glass, his glass must have been pretty strong.

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saxon215
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:42 pm    Post subject:  

exactly so i just dont see why everyone is making him out to be such a bad guy i mean a drunk guy with a drunk naieve and innocent girl would normally do SOMETHING sexual because he doesent have enought witts about him to stop himself and she wouldnt say no especially if they were both enjoying it.
and seeing as he has been exiled from his own kind he's gone that long without sexual activity it'd drive a guy crazy for the chance that couples with the effect of strong alcohol and having Pilla in the state she was around him his acts were pretty unavoidable, plus we have to remember these people are more animal then we are with more animal reactions and habbits and breeding is a very strong urge for an animal
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:48 pm    Post subject:  



Saxon, we all understand your point. But I don't think Zigoz society looks kindly upon such animalistic activities. If it were done in a different society, the reaction may have been different. We won't know since the decision has already been made.

You need to look at this from a bigger perspective. Peran is an animal in a machine world. Pilla, although different from most, is considered a resident of the society, and has some minimal amount of respect for her mind. She ruins that little bit of respect by mating with someone, who is considered a disreputable rogue. Its all about image here in this city it would seem.

I would not have been surprised if her parents literally banished her from the city. Her parents risked a lot of criticism by spending all those years taking care of her. They probably hoped that she wouldn't take on animal vices.
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saxon215
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:52 pm    Post subject:  

but i'm not arguing the zigot reaction im arguing ours, aftyer all you did call him a basterd
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Muaddib
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 6:07 am    Post subject:  

Quote: exactly so i just dont see why everyone is making him out to be such a bad guy i mean a drunk guy with a drunk naieve and innocent girl would normally do SOMETHING sexual because he doesent have enought witts about him to stop himself and she wouldnt say no especially if they were both enjoying it.
and seeing as he has been exiled from his own kind he's gone that long without sexual activity it'd drive a guy crazy for the chance that couples with the effect of strong alcohol and having Pilla in the state she was around him his acts were pretty unavoidable, plus we have to remember these people are more animal then we are with more animal reactions and habbits and breeding is a very strong urge for an animal

But he knew he was going to get drunk, and he knew young naive Pilla would get drunk, so its safe to say he had some idea of what he was going to do with her.
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dragonoflove2007@yahoo.co
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:48 pm    Post subject: city of if: the machine's daughter  

i think that she needs to find someone with a map who is like her and see if they will travel with her to goatfoot forest
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:19 pm    Post subject:  

Muaddib wrote: Quote: exactly so i just dont see why everyone is making him out to be such a bad guy i mean a drunk guy with a drunk naieve and innocent girl would normally do SOMETHING sexual because he doesent have enought witts about him to stop himself and she wouldnt say no especially if they were both enjoying it.
and seeing as he has been exiled from his own kind he's gone that long without sexual activity it'd drive a guy crazy for the chance that couples with the effect of strong alcohol and having Pilla in the state she was around him his acts were pretty unavoidable, plus we have to remember these people are more animal then we are with more animal reactions and habbits and breeding is a very strong urge for an animal

But he knew he was going to get drunk, and he knew young naive Pilla would get drunk, so its safe to say he had some idea of what he was going to do with her.

Good point. I am certain that Peran knew that Pilla was pretty innocent to the vices of alcohol. Even something watered down would and did have an effect on her. Why she even tried the full blown stuff by mistake.
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AreonK
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:30 pm    Post subject:  

You should work for food.
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dovesland
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:50 pm    Post subject:  

Good chapter Key. I liked the desciptions too, the way that she perceives her surroundings are important to the reader. We need to be able to see what she sees, ya know what I mean. As for Peran and how he did or what he did to Pilla, my thoughts are why are her thoughts not concerne on what happened to the poor satyr? I would be concerned if the first person I mated with had been captured, would Pilla not have some concern for what the Zigots were doing to him? I liked the way that Key handeled her initial thoughts about the experience and the word happily, but I feel a need for more concern for Peran here, cant help it, I like the little bugger.
as to what to do next, Im torn. I know that logically, she has to find food and shelter. Its not clear what tiem of day she has arrived in the city, but more than likely, it will be dark soon and she needs to find somewhere to spend the night as well as substanance. My thoughts are the begger she saw in the street, maybe observing their behavior will lead her to find a temporary spot for the night and maybe even food. If she can find a safe place with other beings around her she might even be able to find more information about the city and the goatfoot forest. I dont know. I have to think more about it.
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Mother Goose
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:20 am    Post subject:  

The Scarpi are large formidable creatures with a scary reputation. I think at this point Pilla might want to go talk to the merchants she came with, who speak her language and are familiar with the city. In spite of their taking all her money for the passage, they might be willing to let her earn something back. I'm sure she's good at math, and they don't seem positively unfriendly. At least they might give her advice or directions.

I'm a little puzzled about her not being able to tell them apart. Shouldn't a logical, mechanical race like the Zigots each have an ID stamped reasonably prominently on his body?
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saxon215
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:59 pm    Post subject:  

well personally if i were a robot i'd have the electronical parts of me broadcast my i.d. like a modem would an IP adress*






*yes smee i know thats not really how it works but it gives a fair description
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:59 pm    Post subject:  

I don't think animals are supposed to be that sophisticated as the Zigots with identication. Why else would the Zigots look down on the Animal World. I think when it comes down to it, Zigots are cold, calculating, reasoning people, and Animals are the emotional, dreamer race.
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Key
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:01 pm    Post subject:  

Poll's up! It will run for 2 days.
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Muaddib
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:26 pm    Post subject:  

The last option appealed to me. She should learn by watching.
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:15 am    Post subject:  

I am going for the first option. Most of the others seem to make Pilla be more susceptible to the dangers of the new place. And it could be worse than her incident with Peran. At least in a libaray or a place of learning, she can find some information on herself and maybe the Watchmaker.
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Smee
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:40 am    Post subject: Voted for Library  

Ooops - didn't comment after voting.

I voted for the library.

If she fails then I'm sure they'll be a foodcart nearby that she could attempt to get something to eat at. The sooner she attempts to get a proper job, the sooner she's likely to get one.

The library will also have maps, and guides and all manner of other useful documents.

Happy Writing.
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Muaddib
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:06 am    Post subject:  

Hmmmm....
Smee, I believe the term 'Happy Writing', doesn't make much sense.
The task of writing can't be happy, a living thing can be. And if you meant to say that one should enjoy writing, then it should be something like,"I hope your writing brings you happiness" or something in that vein.

The aforementioned term would be correct in a poem, when it fall in the figure of speech-transferred ephithet category.
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Smee
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:14 am    Post subject:  

:lol: you bring this up now - after all this time and who knows how many times I've used it :)

Anyway - I don't follow your meaning. :?

I'm not saying the writing should be happy. I'm saying to be happy during the time you are writing.

Like Happy Christmas - you are saying 'be happy during the time of christmas'


I hope the time you spend writing a reply is a happy one :)
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Muaddib
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:18 am    Post subject:  

LOL, I just realized it myself.

It looks alright on first glance because its a colloquialism. For example, Merry Christmas isn't technically correct. It should be "Have a merry Christmas", but since people like to condense language as much as they can,(note SMS language), the shorter version became widely used.
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Smee
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:21 am    Post subject:  

So does that mean I'm forgiven and allowed to use it again :)
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LordoftheNight
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:54 am    Post subject:  

voted for the universitys
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Muaddib
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:48 am    Post subject:  

:D

Yes I think we'll all still be safe if you continue using it.
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Suneila
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 10:18 am    Post subject:  

I voted for the library. I liked the "watch and learn" option as well, but it just seemed too passive for Pilla's character. And she does not necessarily have to look for work at the library/university; she could just find useful information, like a map (as Smee said).

~sunny
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Aino
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:48 am    Post subject:  

She should ask someone in the street for assistance. What guarantee does she have that anything in the Scarpi library could be useful to her for that purpose?
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Smee
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:51 am    Post subject:  

What's in this street that's so useful that you couldn't find it outside the library if that doesn't work?

The only thing here is the merchants she arrived with and I don't think they'll be a lot of use.
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Suneila
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 11:54 am    Post subject:  

Besides, it's only logical that useful information would be found at the library, and our Pilla is all about logic and information.

~sunny
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Mother Goose
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:41 pm    Post subject:  

Do we even know that this city has a library? (Zigots are all about knowledge and information but are Scarpi?) Pilla has to ask someone something before she applies for a job at a library she doesn't even know exists, much less where to find it, and who better to ask than the merchants who are her countrymen and have been to the city many times? When I said talk to them, I didn't mean only to ask for a job.
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Ravenwing
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:25 pm    Post subject:  

I think it was sort of implied that Pilla would have to ask somebody where the library or university would be. Like you suggested, she could ask the merchants, but she could do that to anyone if she wanted directions.

I guess the concern here also is that it may be likely that some of these choices could be combined. There are a combination of short-term and long-term choices here. Finding food is pretty short-term because she can find a food-vender, and ask them for directions.
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