City of IF

[tramp in a storm]

Mike: Mike is a genius at art and he has high survival skills. but he is bad tempered. He has an older sister, he is 12 and she is 13. Mike is also the worrying type and he is not very tidy. he goes to St. Lords High School with his two best friends, Alex and Annabel.

Alex: Alex is the brave one of the group, he is kind and caring, very layd back and keeps out of things(he is a very mestiripus person). he is a black-belt at karate, good at fencing and climbing. he is 14 years old and Annabel is his girlfriend

Annabel: Annabel is also 14. her nick-name is Bella or Anna. she is good at cooking and loves acting. she is very caring about her friends and she is very tidy. she is inteligent but gets scared and upset very easily.

[Vampireidiot]

This could be a good storyb seeing as the personallites are so different.
When the first chap out?

[TayFinch]

I think it could be a good story too- but I'm curious about something. It sounds like your characters are all different so they could handle most situations, that's generally a good thing. My only suggestion is that you make sure they have plenty of personal weaknesses too- heroic characters are a good thing, but people generally don't go for five different kinds of Hercules.
(Not that I'm saying you will- but that many people do).

Sounds great though! I'm excited to read chapter one, hope its out soon.

[Smee]

Hey TiS :)

I've got to leap right in and ask what you meant by:

Quote: mestiripus

Google comes up with nothing, and I'm not sure what you meant by it. :?

Tay offers some good advice - characters definately need their flaws.

Otherwise all fine, I look forward to Chapter 1 although I'm sure you are going to be good and post it in here and not start a new thread for it. :wink:

Happy Writing. :)

[Phang]

Smee wrote: I've got to leap right in and ask what you meant by:

Quote: mestiripus

Google comes up with nothing, and I'm not sure what you meant by it. :?

Must be a Greek word.

[ethereal_fauna]

Phang wrote: Smee wrote: I've got to leap right in and ask what you meant by:

Quote: mestiripus

Google comes up with nothing, and I'm not sure what you meant by it. :?

Must be a Greek word.
I was thinking mysterious, but I could be mistaken.

[tramp in a storm]

Now will people realise that putting the 'p' and the 'a' buttons next to each otheris a bad idea? fauna you are right. and i will post the next chapter on here. and do not worry, the characters might all cover each others needs(i think i have read too many Fomous Five books. lol ), but what happens wen they all get sepparated? hhhmmmmmmm? hhmmmmmm? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? spry mad moment again. :D 8) :D 8)

[tramp in a storm]

CHAPTER 1 PPL!!!!

"Mike, can you please stop talking about the 'creatures'? you're scaring me!" Anna said to Mike as the three children (Mike, Anna and Allex) were walking home from school. It was a sunny day of the Spring and Anna didn't like people spoiling a nice day by scaring her.
"they are called Shape Lords, not creatures. Besides I don't see how they are scaring you. they are good not Evil."
"how can they be good when they kidnap people and do wierd magic stuff to erase everyones memmory of them?" Allex asked listening to the conversation.
"i will explain to you once more. The Shape Lords are good, they fight Evil. They normally work in groups of 4 or more. they all have two powers in common and they are : shape shifting and passing on some powers to other shape lords. they all have a few individual powers and they are: freezing time, blowing stuff up, reapearing in places, moving things with their minds, invisibility, astral projection, psykik conections, etc.
In their groups they pick put targets. their targets are children our age and are caught when they are alone or walking in pairs at the most. they chose their targets and give them a few week shape lord powers, these powers will grow stronger as the children become stronger shape lords. When they becomme strong enough they are rearanged in groups of people around their age and they are left alone to fight Evil and pick out new targets."Mike explained for the 5th time in the past month.
"Evil? what Evil? Do you mean demons and Dark warlocks and Dark Wiches or Evil spirits?" Anna yelled.
"Anything that can harm a humman being, of any other animal on this plannet."
"you look worried. What's up?" Allex said to Mike, looking at his friends worried face.
"I know too much. Nobody is meant to know a single thing about them. they erase every memmory ever existed of them and their targets. How do i know so much?"
Allex looked at both of his frieds and teir worried faces.
"aah, relax! There is no Evil here, they will not come for us. We live in a peacefull town. What could possibly bring them here?"

[Kendog420]

this is pretty good

[Vampireidiot]

ooh! This is goona be awsome!!!

Wow! i hopw you get the next chapter out soon! Because it is gonna be good!!

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[tramp in a storm]

thanks. well i will write one up and then post it. :D :D :D :D

[evilhomer28]

can you hurry up and post the next chapter

[tramp in a storm]

6 months later...


Anna was walking to Micks house. All three children were meant to meet there for a sleepover in Micks treehouse. As she was walking along the road just two minuits away from her friends house, a poliece oficer stopped her. "Where are you going at this late hour, young miss?"
"erm..I'm going to my friends house for a sleepover." Anna said in a small voice."
"Mind if I walk you there and make sure that you are safe?"
"O.K." As Anna and the oficer walked down the road, Anna started worrying about Alex. Did he make it to Micks safe? or did whoever is on the lose attack him?
"Ae you O.K.?" the officer asked.
"Yes. I was just wondering,who was on the lose?" Anna asked.
"We don't know. Their faces are never caught on cameras. All we know is that they are close to here and that they murder." the officer paused and frowned.
"What is it?" Anna asked.
"But sometimes...Sometimes they kidnap."
"Who's missing? I haven't heard of any kidnappers for nearly 5 months." She commented.
"That's just it. Mobody knows. I once thought I had a husband and children. But i don't remember. Just a man fighting for his and his childrens lifes while being dreagged away by 5 or 6 men and women."



Wright then! that was the first two chapters donne for you.
Now, what do you think should happen next?
a few ideas: The poliece oficer is a demon
They arrive safely and nothing much happens unill...

[evilhomer28]

yay. i can't think of any ideas, sorry

[tramp in a storm]

if you don't have any ideas just wait for the new poll to go up and vote which one of them u like best

[tramp in a storm]

ok. can you please vote now.

The police oficer is a Demon.
Nothing happens untill she arrives at the sleepover. when she gets there.....(the rest is a surprise).

[Kendog420]

dont keep us waiting for the next chapter lol i say the officer is a demon and some how mike kills him or just saves anna from him( just my opinion)

[non-logged in Shogun]

waiting....

[tramp in a storm]

Right then! nobody has voted exept for Kenny so...i will put up the next chapter as soon as i get the mouse working. At the moment i have to get around by the magic TAB key and the other amazing ALT key! hopefully it won't be long...keep voting, if i get no more votes then it shall be the demon officer and Anna gets saved by one of her friends.

[Shogun]

fine! i vote hes an kalrok, an impish demon from the underworld.

[Phang]

tramp in a storm wrote: Right then! nobody has voted exept for Kenny so...i will put up the next chapter as soon as i get the mouse working. At the moment i have to get around by the magic TAB key and the other amazing ALT key! hopefully it won't be long...keep voting, if i get no more votes then it shall be the demon officer and Anna gets saved by one of her friends.

Fear not, for I shall show you the magic of...
NUM KEYS!

On the desktop, press the key on your keyboard with the picture of a window on it. This will open the start menu.
Using the arrow keys, scroll up to Settings. Press the right-pointing arrow key to open up the Settings menu, then when scroll to Control Panel and press enter to open Control Panel.
On Control Panel, use the arrow keys again to scroll to Acessibility Options, and press enter to open it.
On Acessibility Options, press the tab key until you get to Keyboard, then use the arrow keys to get to Mouse.
Press tab until you get to Use Mouse Keys, then press space to tick it.
Tab down to OK and press Enter!

From now on, you can move the mouse with the number keys on your right, the ones with the arrows on. I'm not sure whether it only works with Numlock on or off though. Experiment.

[tramp in a storm]

ok. thanks phang, even though shanty did it for me.

ok then! next chapter is going to be a quick one. to the point and no messing around.

Chapter 3

They had just nearly got to Micks house when all of a sudden the police officer turned purple, then pink, then blue, then a deep, dark red. Anna screamed at the top of her voice. Afigure jumped down from the roof followed by another 3. All were men. They tried their best to fight off this red-skined human-looking monster. They kicked and punched and used the latest karate moves. One of them got out a sword and started trying to stab the monster, but the monster was too powerfull. It put up a shield to protect it from the sword and it held Anna close to his chest, so that she was protesting the stone on the inside of its skin (works like a heart). After a hard fight another monster, the same as this one apeared and held them both close to him. then in the time it takes to blink they were gone. They figures who had jumped down turned to face the other way to go towards their base. But at the top of the road they saw him, standing there, a boy, tall and good looking, next to him his friend, as good looking as him but a bit taller. They were only kids. One of them 12, the other 14 years old. It was Mick and Alex. They stood at the top of the street out side Micks house, they had run out when they heard the screaming, they had seen it all.

Alex colapsed onto the floor, he knelt there for a few seconds and then he couldn't take it anymore, he burst out ito tears. He had just seen his girlfriend, the most beautiful girls he knew get taken away by two monsters.
Mick just froze. He stood there staring at the figures. he knew who they were. He knew something like this would happen.
"The chosen ones." one of the men said.
"What do we have to do, Shape Lords?"

[tramp in a storm]

So people! what do you think should hapen next?
*should they be taken back to their homes and left there.
*should the Shape Lords take them to their land.
*should there be another attack by demonsand also do you think that they should get their powers now, or later on in the story?

[Kendog420]

take them back to their land

[tramp in a storm]

CHAPTER 4!!

"Follow me." A tall man said to the two boys.
Every one was a tall man. Young looking and they all wore black, comfy trousers and a black T-shirt, Also they all wore a Cloak each. The cloaks were black but each one had a symbol on it, just where a pocket should be they had an individual symbol of an animal or object that symbolised their names. A man with a plain triangle pulled out a pen, he clicked the end of it 3 times. The tall guy with a circle on his cloak started walking towards somebodys house. The boys followed him into a garden and into a shed where they found a load of skateboards. Each Shape Lord got onto a skate board and the two boy followed with confusion. as soon as everyone was on the skateboards suddenly started to move. They moved upwards and hoverred so that everyone can get their ballance. Some of the misterious men set off straight away but some needed to get their balance. It was obvious who was more expirienced in the team. The one with the circle on his cloak, the one who spoke to the two boys, didn't need to gain balance but he waited for the two boys to figure out how to ride the boards. Mike and Alex found their balance and they all set off. They travelled out of the door and over the town. They kept going straight ahead. no turning to follow the shape of the Earth, just going ang going on and on in one long, straight line untill they stopped! the boards just froze in mid air!
"what's going on? I'm going to fall!!" Alex said, for once in his life he was scared. Then a portal opened in front of them and they entered!


What do you think Shape City should look like?

[Shanty]

IT SHOULD BE MADE OUT OF CHOCOLATE!!!

[tramp in a storm]

Chapter 5


They entered what seemed like a city. The skate boards took them to the ground wich was not far down.
A speaker turned on and the sound of a woman came on.
"Welcome to Shape City in the World of Wonder! Please do not eat any of the buildings or parts of your rooms that you will be staying in. Someone will be over to you in a minuit to take your names and escort you to your Resting Units." The voice seemed somehow familiar to Alex, though he couldn't remember where he had heard it before. Normally speakers always sounded the same or nearly the same. This one was different, Alex knew at once that he had heard that voice before somewhere and he wondered if it is the voice of his classmate that had gone missing. He remembered that nobody would believe him that she was gone or that she ever existed.
"Eat the buildings? Why would we want to eat the buildings?" Mike asked suprised that creatures like the Shape Lords would have speakers saying stuff like that! Then both boys looked at the nearest building to them. They had a suspision in their minds, but not quite believing in it, it was just an automatic reaction to look for the one, impossible thing that entered their minds on its own accord. And sure enough the building was a chocolaty brown colour, and so was the floor, and the near by lamp post, the pavement and the stand on which a chocolate looking book rested waiting for somebody to come along and write down the visitors names.
"Hello there, how may i help you sir?" a short man asked. It was as if he had come from nowhere and he made both boys jump. Then Mike realised that the silver pen which rested on the book had gone. "Sorry to scare you boys. I am proud to be able to shape-shift into pens quite well and easily." he leant forwards on his tip toes to make himself the same hight as Alex and wispered to the two boys, "It really isnt that hard, and it does get boring after a while."
" We are the Shape Master Team, returning from Mission 506 Code 238 apeared but we dealt with it as best we could." the tall man with the triangle on his cloak said to the short man who wore a silver T-sirt and golden, silky trousers.
"Ah yes! you where sent out last week I do believe." he said studying his book. "But I'm afraid that all targets have been canceled for this month. You may be punished for targeting and returning with new servants. Are you prepared to explain to the council about your offence against rule 17569?" The short man asked. servants? i'll squish that migit if he calls me a servant again! Alex thought. He was not in the mood to serv anybody, or even do anything but find his girlfriend that he loved so much.[/color=blue]




[ O.K. people! that was chapter 5!! now chapter 6 will be special. I will write a few chapters especially for you individually. So if you there is something that you like i can use it as a theme for the next chapter which will be written especially for you. Now i'm not going to do this for too many chapters, just a few and we will see how it goes. so you can just pm me with a theme and there will be a chapter based on that theme. For example a certain somebody might like tentacles and choose that as the theme for their chapter, so i will do a chapter based on tentacle monsters and things like that! or another certain somebody might like flowers to be the theme. So i could make the young Shape Lords turn rain into flowers, or have some flower demons attacking and stuff like that. So please just pm me and i will do my best.][color=blue] :D

[Smee]

Hey Tramp,

Wow - this story is really coming along. Well done for sticking with it. :D

Ignoring the boring stuff like spelling and grammar, which I'm sure you know about, I want to talk about the decision points.

At the moment they are quite loose, not really developed into any real decision - usually just asking: "What happens next".

There has been discussion on this, and obviously it's down to you, but if I were you I'd consider trying to make the decision points based on what Alex does next. What happens next is your job as the author. You need to make it exciting.

Alex is the main character at the moment, he is on a mission to find the girl he loves.

Let us get to know him, and then at the end of each chapter we can decide what he does next based on what you've told us of the situation.

By focusing the decision on a main character like this it makes the decision point much clearer.

It doesn't always have to be Alex, maybe in one chapter you could zoom to Anna's point of view - having just been kidnapped. Maybe she could have a chance to escape - the decision point could be whether to risk it or not.

I look forward to seeing what happens next.

Happy Writing. :D

[Vampireidiot]

Woah!!!! Storm this is amazing!!!!. I'll only came on to read the second chapter and i ended up readng all of it!!!!

I can't wait for the next chap either.
:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

[tramp in a storm]

Thanks Smee! Thanks Vamps!


Chapter 6

Back on Earth...

The phone rang at Mikes house.
"Hello?" Mikes mum answered it.
"Hey Maggie! It's Clair."
"Oh hi Clair!" Clair was Alex's mum. Maggie was Mikes mum. They had always been good friends since school.
"I was just wondering if you were busy tomorow morning."
"Erm... I have got to go pick up the laundery from the dry cleaners at some point but other than that, no not really. Why?"
"Well, would you like to go swiming? We can go pick up the dry cleaners afterwards together."
"o.k. then. see you tomorow. 10 o'clock?"
"yes."

So everything was fine on Earth. Mikes and Alex's families know nothing about their disapearance. In fact they dont even know that they ever were. But in Shape City somehting was wrong. The boys weren't quite sure what was going on but something was not right. For a start they had just found out that they were called 'servants' not helpers. Mike ignored that statement but Alex was not up to serving anybody. Also they had just found out that they were not supposed to be there! Why would the Shape Lords make such a mistake? Mike asked himself over and over again. Now they had had a night of rest in their resting units. In the morning they had been escorted to a chocolate court building and lead into a large room full with seats. At the front there was a stage. On there stood 5 chocolate thrones and a chocolate cage. The cage was made out of so much chocolate that if the prisoner tried to eat his way through he would fall to the floor an be sick. Next to the cage was a long bench, long enough for 5 people to sit on. Mike and Alex were told to sit there and the leader of the Shape Lord Team who had targeted them was locked in the chocolate cage. The seats were soon filled by confused shape-shifters and on the thrones sat 4 men. In the middle of them sat 1 woman. The woman wore a crown on her head and each of the men had a sword which they placed in the arms of the thrones very carefully.


What do you think that Alex should do?

a) sit there and wait to see what happens next.
b) ask what the hell is going on.
c) start eating the bench.
d) do the grandad dance
e) anounce very loudly that the boy from his school called Jack was gay and that if any Shape Shifting idiot targets him Alex will go and strangle them!

lol!!! pick any one you like!! :D

[Vampireidiot]

I say he should do the grandad dance and annoce at the same time that the boy from his school called jack is gay and a spack!! :biggrin:

another great chap :)

[tramp in a storm]

rofl!!!

how did i know that you would say the grandad dance!!!

ok but i need more votes people!!

[evilhomer28]

i vote for b) and also this storygame is up for nomination in storygame of the month

[tramp in a storm]

its a tie. i'm working on the next chapter at home on paper. i'll post it up as soon as possible. i'll fit in all of them if i can
.

[tramp in a storm]

Chapter 7:

As the chocolate court filled with tall, well built me-most of them wearing dark clothes with cloaks-Alex asked Mike if he had any idea of what was going on.
"It seems as if we were targeted illegally."
"Then why dont they let us go?" Alex whispered.
"Because we know they exist. And didnt you hear them say that we are the chosen ones? I've got a feeling that this is the start of something big." Mike said but then realised that Alex was no longer sitting next to him.
Alex was now at the front of the chocolate room infront of the thrones. He brought his fists to his stomach, as if holding a walking-stick, and started kicking his legs out in turn. HE WAS DOING THE GRANDAD DANCE!!!!
As if that wasnt enough he started singing:
"There's a boy at my school named jack and he is a stupid spack. so if you target him i will strangle you. so leave alone the annoying jack!"
One of the men out of the seated crowd stood and came forward. he looked Alex straight in the eye. Alex froze and stared back confused. then his face became expresionless and he walked towards the chocolate cage, stepped inside and closed the door. Then another of the men came forwards and locked it using a chocolate key. Had he just been hipnotised by one of the Shape-Lords?

tum-tum-tuuuum.

ok. so...
When he wakes up does he:
*try to eat the cage?
or
*sit and see what all the fuss is really about?

[Spirit]

hello people

[Chinaren]

'ted

[Ingrothechundyer]

Voted

[tramp in a storm]

*looks at the poll*
WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry couldnt wait to do chapter 8. i enjoy my writing. :)
he shall wait to see what the shape shifters have to say then.
hello spirit! i see you managed step 1 to getting arounf IF: Shape Lords. lol joking.
read and vote when chapter 8 comes up.

[tramp in a storm]

Chapter 8


When Alex recovered, he found that the whole room was full. everyone was seated silently in their seats. 4 men sat on the Thrones leaving the middle one empty. But these men were different. Each had jewlary and looked very rich and each had a golden handled sword set in the arms of their Thrones.
The big chocolate yet beautifully carved doors at the back of the room opened. trumpets sounded and an old looking man came walking in. He stopped just inside and everyone stood and faced the isle that ran down the middle. The isle was strange, it didnt run in a straight line from the doors to the stage but it was more like a twisted maze path. The old man walked along the twisted isle slowly as everyone he passed bowed. He wore a red T-shirt with gold edges on the sleeves and along the bottom, long red trousers which also had gold ends, a big gold belt and a long, blue cloak with gold and silver decorations. on his head he wore a crown and he held a large wooden staff with a crystal ball on the top. inside the crystall ball was a lightning bolt.
The old man made his way to the front, turned to the people and signaled with his hand for them to take their seats. he then sat down and began his speach in a loud, deep voice.
"Welcome gentlemen....and the few ladies who have gladly joined us. we are here today to discuss a rare matter of illigal targeting. Shape Lord square what have you got to say about what you have done?"
"well you see sire..." the leader of the Shape Lord team who targeted Alex and Mike started.
"hurry up man i havent had my dinner yet."
"Sorry Sire. We did not target these boys for no reason. Young Mike here already knew about us. No Shape Shifter that has ever walked this land has ever made a mistake when erasing memory. But this one lad has remembered us. we have not targeted anyone too close to him just a neighbour from across the road who he barely ever noticed, but he still knew all the important facts about us...even that we are not evil. Mike told his friends who never believed him. his friends never told anybody else even if they thought he was talking a load of nonsense."
"What about the rude boy in the cage?" one of the Princes asked giving Alex a dirty look.
"His girlfriend Sire. She got attacked by one of our enemy teams. Alex and Mike saw it all happen. We arrived at the scene but sadly enough we lost our battle." he bowed his head with slight shame.
"I see." The other Prince said, his eyes were now shining with excitement.
"Indeed i do too." said the other Prince. then avery prince was repeating the same words shortly followed by the king.
"Take these two boys to their hotel. dress them in gold and clothes of what colour they like. give them a sword each and a badge of membership." The king rose from his seat. "take them to training emedietly. And dont you dare take them to the ordinary training school. take them to the Training School of Christopher."
"Christopher? but he was the chosen one of 30 generations ago. there hasnt been one sinse." said Mike and everyone looked at him with shock. How did he know that? nobody knows that exept shape shifters and their ennemies who feared him. Mike was surprised himself, he didnt know that before, nobody had told him, he didnt read it on the building on his way in, infact he didnt even know the building existed untill a few minutes ago.How did he know it now?