Storygames Home City of IF
Free online storygaming
 

The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever: Chapter Four
Click here to go to the original topic
Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next
 
       Storygames Home -> The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Thracia Alba



Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 3:30 am    Post subject: The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever: Chapter Four  

"The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever"

Chapter Four: In Which Lying, Surprisingly Enough, Gets Our Heroes Nowhere


Somewhere, probably not too far from wherever you are now, there is a little corner of the universe, tucked away neatly within the folds of obscurity and shrouded in the mists of mediocrity. It is a dark place, full of horrors beyond your wildest imaginings, though there are a few horrors that are well within your wildest imaginings. Just a few. It isn't hell; it's the pit-stop on the way to hell. Wherever you are, be glad you aren't there... Unless, of course, you're in Orange County, California. But otherwise, be glad you aren't there.

But what is this place? you ask. All in good time, my friend. You see, this place is, to put it quite simply, a room. Yes, that's right, it's just your average, garden-variety living room. It contains a sofa, a recliner chair, a television, a coffee table, a rather fetching rug done in a sort of quasi-Mediterranean pattern, and a computer desk off in the corner. Of course, you wouldn't be able to see any of that if you were there (which you are, thankfully, not), since the room is almost completely dark. What, you thought I was speaking figuratively when I said it's a dark place? I'll have none of that pseudo-poetic nonsense, thank you. Anyway, the room is completely devoid of light of any kind. Well, maybe not completely, for at the computer desk eminates a pale blue sort of glow, and were you there, you would see a figure silhouetted against the glow. It is an odd sort of figure, bent as it is over the laptop like Grendel over a chunk of Dane-flesh. Its chin rests on its hand, its eyes gaze listlessly at the screen, its fingers wander aimlessly across the keyboard. Tap. Tap. Tap.

"I thought you said you weren't going to resort to any more gimmicks." A stern voice speaks, but it doesn't belong to the figure at the computer. It's the kind of voice reminiscent of rulers across the wrist and middle-school math teachers.

"I say a lot of things."

"You can't put it off forever, you know."

The figure shifts a bit, perhaps uncomfortably? "I lack... inspiration."

An odd, sarcastic noise. "Excuses. That's all you are, excuses." A pause. "You'll have to write it eventually. You can't sit there typing the alphabet all day."

"Who says I can't?" Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. "L, m, n, o..."

"Stop that."

"Why are you even here? You aren't real, you know."

"I'm real as long as you believe in me."

A snort. "Really, you're the last person I'd expect to buy into that nonsense."

"Fine. You took me out of there, and I can't go back until you've got on with it. The faster you write, the faster I'm out of here and we're both happy."

A sigh. "I suppose you're right."

"Now that's the understatement of the century." A pause. "And by the way, stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"These ridiculous little self-inserts. They make you look even more conceited than you are."

"Me? Conceited? That's preposterous." The figure catches its reflection in the screen and smiles. "Anyway, my readers find it entertaining."

"Two of them do. And they're English."

"Your point being...?"

"They invented steak-and-kidney pie."

"You have a point."

"And you have a flair for the obvious."

"Shut up, I'm writing."

---

"Well, that was stupid."

Coriander cast Gemma a puzzled glance. "What was stupid?"

"Here I was expecting you to run off like a yahoo to your doom, letting me off the hook. Instead you do the sensible thing, and I'm stuck with you." Gemma made a frustrated sound and crossed her arms. The forest creaked ominously over her head. No, sorry, those were the burning timbers from the previous chapter. Who can keep track of these things? But suffice it to say that the J'naeric Forest was the leading world producer of creepy sounds, and the two would-be adventurers had the rare experience of hearing every one of them as they traversed down the narrow path. Creaks, strange cries, German 1 students' mangled pronunciations of the umlaut sound; every frightening noise you can think of was manufactured fresh daily in the J'naeric Forest, and every creepy bump in the night was most likely imported to your house from there. But I digress.

"Oh," replied the young questor, but in reality he had heard little of what Gemma had just said. You see, while any normal, well-adjusted human being's mind in this situation would have been focused entirely on the task at hand (which was to somehow get through the woods alive and, if at all possible, in one piece), Coriander's, being neither normal nor all that terribly well-adjusted, was not. There was but one thought that was at that point jangling around within his skull, and it was, 'This is lame. We're never gonna get to any adventure at this rate.' In fact, the first glimmerings of what could possibly be called an idea were beginning to take form in a remote, seldom-used part of his brain.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" So lost in thought was Coriander that he had unwittingly stepped on the back of Gemma's heel.

"Oh, sorry!" he blurted, blushing furiously. He looked around for something other than Gemma's annoyed glare. "Hey, what's that?" he said, pointing to a sign posted about twenty feet down the path. It was made of metal, of course, for no elf would ever so much as dream of harming a poor, innocent tree.

"Hm?" She looked and shrugged. "I don't know, it just looks like a sign to me."

"Still, it could be important." Before he knew what he was doing, Coriander began walking towards the sign. The writing upon it was in the elven script and looked like the work of a blind, arthritic chicken. There was an arrow that was pointing to the right. "I think I can read it," he said. Wait, what was he saying? He didn't know a word of elvish.

"Oh? Since when did you know how to read elvish?"

"It was offered as a foreign language course at my high school." He hadn't even gone to high school. "I'm not really fluent, but I did learn a few useful phrases," he continued, though the words escaping from his mouth were like those of a stranger. What was going on here?

Gemma crossed her arms and said, "All right, then, what does it say?"

"It says..." He paused and squinted at the sign. "It says, 'Detour'.

Gemma narrowed her eyes and stared at Coriander for a long time, in which he tried desperately to look natural. Then she looked at the sign, and back at him, and then back at the sign again. Finally, when he was just beginning to think he couldn't take it anymore, she shrugged and said, "Okay, then. Lead the way."

Coriander did a mental jaw-drop. He couldn't believe that she had believed him! Of course, he couldn't believe that he had, well, lied like that. He had never told a lie before in his entire life. Ever. Something strange was definitely afoot. But what was done was done, and adventure was finally within his grasp! With a triumphant grin, he confidently led their way into the woods.

The thing about forests, in case you've never visited one, is that they really aren't as dense as one would normally think. The large trees have a tendency to block out most light, which is highly discouraging for smaller trees and plants who just want to make a name for themselves in the world. So, aside from fallen leaves and horrible insects, the forest floor is relatively clear. The thing about fiction, however, is that silly, inconvenient rules like that can be conveniently bent for the sake of the author (and for the enjoyment of the reader, I'm sure). Therefore, let us say that the flora of J'naeric, being magical in nature, grew using magisynthesis (which, unlike it's boring cousin photosynthesis, converts magic into energy). That would mean that, because of the strong magical field surrounding the J'naeric woods, Coriander and Gemma couldn't see the forest for the trees-- literally!

"Ow!" Bump, crash, krish. "This is a stupid detour," Gemma complained loudly for all the woods to hear. "The path's so narrow, I can barely see it!"

They had been trekking down Coriander's imaginary detour for about an hour, and they had yet to run into anything even remotely resembling adventure. A run-in with an angry squirrel would have been welcome at this point! For being the world's most dangerous woods, Coriander was beginning to think that they were somewhat overrated. "You seemed to like the bathroom we ran into well enough," he said a bit crossly, picking a burr from his shirt.

"And so would you, if you were in my position," she snapped back. "Unlike you, I can't relieve myself wherever I like."

He shook his head in disbelief. "Who puts a bathroom out in the middle of the woods, anyway?"

Gemma shrugged. "The same people who post a metal sign indicating a detour that leads right through the forest. But that's the J'naeric elves for you, crazy lot that they are."

Coriander felt himself go starry-eyed at the mention of the immortal beings. "Ah, elves! They seem so great and mysterious, full of ancient wisdom collected throughout a centuries-old life of neverending wonder at the glory of creation!"

Gemma snorted. "That's not all they're full of."

"Gemma, hush! What if one hears you-- wait, whoa!" he exclaimed, for they had quite suddently stepped out into blinding sunlight. Shielding his eyes, he was able to tell that they were at the edge of a large, circular clearing, that was completely empty... Except, of course, for the two gigantic, hairy spiders.

Coriander supposed that he should have had some sort of revelation at that point, some deep and powerful conclusion about the meaning of existance; or perhaps he should have said something noble and heroic, flashing sword held aloft in a symbol of defiant courage against the denizens of darkness; or at the very least he should have seen his life flash before his eyes. But at that moment, the only things registering in his tunneled field of vision were four giant, hairy, venom-dripping fangs. Then, slowly as if in a dream, he turned his head to see Gemma standing beside him, white as bone and wearing an expression of horror that surely mirrored his own. "See?" she murmured in a far-off voice. "I told you so."

---

"So this is it, huh?"

The elf at the toll booth glanced up from his dog-eared book to the forest entrance not twenty feet away. "Yyup."

"And the tower's in there somewhere?"

"Just follow the path. There are signs posted everywhere." He looked Cleothestrina up and down quizzically. "Normally I don't care who enters the forest, since hardly anyone ever leaves again," he said. "But why are you going after that princess? You don't seem like the, ahem, princess-saving type."

Cleo seemed even more tired than usual; the bags under her eyes were now large enough to carry a couple pounds of hyperbole. "I'm not going to try to save that stupid princess," she replied. "I'm going to try to capture her and take her back to the Witches' Council so they can determine if she's really a boy who's been enchanted to look like a girl."

"Oh." He went back to his book, though his eyes weren't moving across the text. "So you work for the Witches' Council?"

"'Fraid so."

"How is it?"

"Dreadful."

"Ah."

"But I'm thinking about quitting."

"Sounds like a plan," he said. "Hey, when I'm not working this joke of a booth, I teach part-time at J'naeric High School. Maybe I could help you get a teaching position there."

"So you want me to be both unappreciated and grossly underpaid?"

He shrugged. "Misery loves company."

Cleo snorted and shook her head. "No thanks, I've got enough of my own."

"Company?"

"Misery."

---

"Gemma?"

"Yes, Coriander?"

"There are two monster spiders right in front of us, Gemma."

"Yes, I noticed that, Coriander."

"What are we going to do, Gemma?"

She shrugged weakly. "Die, I suppose."

"Oh. I see."

One of the spiders, the larger of the two (the smaller being only about ten feet long from fang to spinarette), wiggled its fangs in annoyance and said in an offended tone, "Spiders? I should think not!"

The smaller one nodded and flicked away a large glob of venom, which landed nearby and began sizzling a hole in the ground. "Quite right, quite right! Of all the absurd ideas!"

"Arachnids, yes."

"Oh, definitely!"

"But spiders? No!"

"Most certainly not!"

"Spiders! What a crazy notion!"

"Preposterous!"

"It's quite insulting, to say the least!"

"Oh, quite! Very offensive!"

"T-then..." Coriander swayed as he felt the ground begin to grow wobbly beneath his feet. "Then, w-what are you?"

The larger spider reared backward in apparent shock. "What are we? Did you hear him?"

"I heard him, I heard him!"

"What a stupid question!"

"Never heard a stupider one in my life!"

The larger spider seemed to calm down a bit then, and fixed both Coriander and Gemma with a look of utmost patience, blinked its eight eyes, and said, "We are, good sir and madam, Lieders."

"He's right, you know!" The smaller spider nodded enthusiastically (which, since spiders don't have necks, required a sort of leg-bouncing motion). "That's what we are!"

It was Coriander's turn to blink. "What, like those pants the Germans wear?"

The larger spider made a sound of extreme shock and disgust. "No, you silly fool! Those are pronounced lee-der, while Lieder is pronounced lie-der." It shook its head in disgust, which required a sort of leg-swaying motion. "Didn't you ever take a foreign language class in your life?"

"Yes, Coriander, didn't you mention something about a foreign language class earlier?" Gemma said in a voice that was frighteningly calm, and Coriander felt her icy gaze upon him. He squirmed nervously.

"Yes, well, about that..." He coughed and looked around for something to distract him from that glare. Ah, the horrible, monstrous spiders would do!

The larger spider calmed itself again and continued. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted..."

"Quite rude, yes!" The smaller spider nodded vigorously.

"...We are, in fact, Lieders, and are as different from the common spider," he spat the word as if it were a bad taste in his mouth, "as you can imagine."

"Total opposites!"

"We, for one, don't get involved in any of that uncivilized web-spinning business."

"Wouldn't think of it! Messy, disgusting stuff!"

"We, instead, carefully spin an invisible web of lies."

"Indeed, lies!"

Coriander felt his eyelid twitch. "Wait-- what? You spin a web of what?"

"Lies, of course! That's how we lured you here to our humble abode, isn't it?"

"Yes, Coriander, isn't it?" came Gemma's dreadfully calm statement.

"Gemma, I can explain all that..."

"No need, my good lad, no need!" the larger spider interrupted. "I can explain for you. You see, every hundred years we spin a new web of lies. In fact, we had just finished spinning the new one yesterday!"

"Oh, imagine that," Gemma growled through clenched teeth.

"Yes, it usually takes much longer for anyone to come across it." The spider wiggled its fangs in apparent delight. "Anyway, when a traveler becomes ensnared in our web of lies, his heart's greatest desire overpowers him and causes him to tell a lie, either to himself or to his companions, and he leaves the path."

"Quite right, quite right!"

"For instance, if his greatest desire is to return home, he convinces himself that the fastest way out of the forest is off the path, in our direction. Or if his desire is to meet a pretty lady," the spider winked four of its eyes at Coriander conspiratorially, "then he tells himself that he hears the sound of a woman in distress coming from the woods. And thus, he comes to be our meal. It's quite an effecient system, really. Much cleaner than all that web business."

"A thousand times better!"

Coriander felt the world begin to spin. He looked desperately towards Gemma, though he couldn't tell if she was going to be sick or lunge at his throat, or perhaps both. "Sss... so..." he stuttered miserably, "s-so what hap-happens now?"

"Why, we inject you with paralyzing toxins and suck out your innards, of course!" the larger spider exclaimed in a surprised tone. "Although this time will be better, since my good friend and I won't have to share a human."

"Yes, what an unexpected boon!"

The two spiders then began to approach, and Coriander knew he had to do something. He had to draw his sword and run the beasts through, or die trying. He had to make a last stand against these monsters of darkness. He had to say something brave and fight like the true hero he wished to be, he knew he could be. But there's just something about gazing Death in the face that somehow nullifies all those daydreams of heroism, and in the end all he could do was stand there like a marble statue and gape in horror as the spiders crept ever closer. And then they reared up like some hokey slow-motion scene, fangs poised for the kill, and Coriander brought up his arms before his face and waited for the killing blow. And then--

TWAINNG! THWACK! TWAING! THWACK!!

Twaing, thwack? Was that the sound a giant spider made when it bit someone? Coriander stood frozen as he was. Was he dead? Had they killed Gemma first, and then they were going to go for him?

"Put your hands down, you idiot. They're dead." It was Gemma's voice. It was shaky and sounded like something that had been wrung from a dishcloth, but it was definitely Gemma's. Slowly, Coriander lowered his arms and surveyed the scene before him. The two spiders lay motionless, an arrowshaft protruding from both their heads; their legs were already beginning to curl. And standing over them, a grave expression upon his face, was a J'naeric elf. His hair was long, blond, and partially braided. He wore a green tunic and held a long yew bow.

He looked up at them and smiled. "Looks like I got here just in time, eh?"

Gemma clasped her hands before her. "You sure did! You saved our lives!"

"Oh, it was nothing."

"Nothing?!" Gemma gasped in disbelief. "You took out two gigantic spiders that were about to have us for lunch! You're amazing!" She said.

"You're incredible!" Coriander said.

"You're under arrest," the elf said.

---

"See the world, they said! Meet people, they said! Great dental benefits, they said!" Cleo trudged down the path, cursing and muttering to herself. "Great retirement plan, they said!" She kicked a small rock into the trees. "Didn't mention much about kidnapping cross-dressing princes, though, did they?" She kicked up a pile of leaves. "Failed to bring it up at the employment seminar, didn't they? Didn't include it in the promotional video!" Cleo saw a small twig on the ground and, imagining it was Gossamer's obnoxious little fairy face, brought her foot down upon it with a vengeance.

Crack! went the twig.

And then the woods exploded with elves.

---

"Cleothestrina of Niphti, public relations officer of the Witches' Council, you are brought up on charges of assault! How do you plea?"

"Assault? What on earth are you talking about?! I didn't assault anyone!"

King Timberweald, lord of the J'naeric elves, scowled in rage. "Didn't assault anyone, you say? Then what have you to say to this?" He raised his hand, in which was held two small twigs. The courtroom, which wasn't actually a room but a circular clearing in which some fifty J'naeric elves were seated facing Cleo and the tree in which King Timberweald was sitting, broke out into angry muttering.

Cleo blinked in confusion. "What do those two sticks have to do with anything?"

"Two sticks? Two sticks?!" Timberweald howled in rage from his leafy perch, and the rest of the elves joined him. Once the din had subsided a bit, the elven lord continued. "These 'two sticks', as you so coldly put it, were once as one!" His face was the very picture of sorrow as he cradled the twigs to his chest. "They were once a whole twig, a twig upon which you trod and broke!"

"Um..." Cleo glanced around at the fifty pairs of eyes turned in anger upon her, and gulped. "Sorry?"

"Sorry? Sorry?! Do you think a simple apology can undo the damage you've wreaked upon our peaceful forest home?!"

Cleo shifted and pulled at the collar of her tunic. "Look, I'm really sorry about your twig, as I'm sure it meant a lot to you. But really, it was only a twig."

Timberweald was white now and shaking with fury, and his people looked as if the only thing keeping them from mobbing the stranger in their midst was the fact that their king hadn't yet ordered them to. "Only a twig?! How can you say such a thing?! Are you not an elf, and in tune with the very hearbeat of nature itself?! Are you not one with the leafy green things?! Are you not a fanatic who would sooner slay her own mother than trod upon a single ant?! I could understand such a gross lack of understanding from a human, but never from an elf!"

"Um..." The truth was that Cleo had been born and raised in Niphti, and she couldn't keep a potted plant alive for a week, much less know its innermost thoughts and desires. But somehow she didn't think that would go over well with the elven king. "What if I told you I was only half-elven?"

The anger immediately drained from Timberweald's face, and the rest of the elves visibly relaxed. "Ah, well that's different, then!" the king said with relief. "I sentence you to death at sunrise tomorrow!"

The air rushed from Cleo's lungs as if she had been punched in the stomach. "W-what?!" She gasped. "Death? But I already explained I'm half-human! I couldn't have known!!"

"Yes, and the punishment for being half-human is death. Sorry about the twig misunderstanding, though!" Timberweald replied cheerfully as he jumped down from the tree. He and the rest of the elves, chatting among themselves, headed off into the woods, though two burly elves approached Cleo and grabbed her by the arms.

"But wait!!" she cried, struggling in vain against her captors. "I'm not really half-human! I was only lying to get out of trou-- Oof!" There was a sharp pain on the back of her head, and then nothing.

---

Gemma winced in pain. There was a spider beating her across the head with a stick. Or was it an elf? A spider beating her across the head with an elf? No, there had been an elf... And a struggle, and then something had hit her on the side of the head. Slowly, painfully, she opened her eyes and immediately regretted doing so. "Aaargh... Urgle... Gugh..." Her head was an explosion of pain, and there was a nasty, metallic taste in her mouth. Gripping her head with both hands to stop the spinning, she cautiously opened her eyes again and squinted at her surroundings. She was in a tree. Well, not really in a tree. More like in a metal cage hanging from the largest oak she had ever seen. A little ways away hung another cage that held Coriander, who seemed to be out cold still.

"So you're awake now, are you?" slurred a voice from somewhere behind her. "Knocking people unconscious certainly seems to be a favored pastime around these parts." Gemma turned around painfully to see another cage hanging about six or seven feet away. It held a figure that was slumped against the side, a figure that looked strangely familiar... She squinted further. "Cleo? Is that you?" she asked blurrily.

"Hey, Gemma. Long time no see."

Gemma sighed and slumped against the side of her own cage. "Cleothestrina. I should have known I'd find you hanging around some place like this."

Cleo nodded, and then winced. "Makes sense, doesn't it?"

"So what are you in for?"

"Breaking a twig and claiming to be half-human. You?"

Gemma shook her head, which made the world spin again. "I'm not sure, really. I was traveling through the woods when this moron here," she gestured over her shoulder, "told me that we had to take a detour and-- oh wait, that reminds me." She poked her head between the bars of the cage and spied an elf keeping guard below. "Excuse me!" she called.

He glanced up with a bored expression. "What is it? Do you need a chamber pot sent up already?"

"No, I have a question. There was a metal sign posted about twenty minutes into the path, and it was written in elvish script. Do you by any chance know what it said?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully, grateful for something to consider besides his own boredom. "Did it have an arrow on it?"

"Yes, that's the one!"

"Then it probably said, 'Bathrooms, this way'."

"Ah, I see! Thank you for your time!" she replied, her face bizarrely devoid of expression. "I knew it," she said in a voice that was like the day before a hurricane. "I can't believe I trusted that little weasel. When we get out of this, I'm going to kill him."

"You say that, of course, on the assumption that we are getting out of this," Cleo said. "You may not have noticed, but we are a rather long way up."

Gemma considered this. "Well, we have to get out somehow. How will I kill that rat, Coriander, otherwise?" She thought for a moment. "Maybe we can, oh I don't know, distract the guard or something."

"And then what? Magically teleport our way out of the cages?"

"Maybe we can sever the ropes somehow."

"And fall crashing to our deaths? That would be better than execution, I suppose."

Gemma growled in frustration. "Well, it would certainly be easier if you could offer any ideas instead of just criticizing every one of mine!"

"Sorry, but it's hard to be creative when your head is splitting in two."

Gemma ignored her and tried to think, which made her head pound even worse. There had to be some way to get out of here... A way that preferrably didn't involve death by gravity, or death at all, really.
Back to top  
Chinaren



Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8878
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 3:48 am    Post subject:  

Nother excellent chapter Alby!

How about swinging? Maybe they can swing until they hit each other and then... er. Well, I hadn't thought that far ahead. But it's a start!

:D

Oh, loved that first bit by the way! :lol:
Back to top  
Thracia Alba



Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:02 am    Post subject:  

Thanks, China! :D Not bad for something that took 50 billion years to write, eh? ;)
Back to top  
Chinaren



Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8878
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:04 am    Post subject:  

Quote: Not bad for something that took 50 billion years to write, eh?

Sometimes the hardest ones are the best. :shock:

If you see what I mean. :?
Back to top  
Solomon Birch



Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:18 am    Post subject:  

CHINA! :shock:

;)

That was a joy to read Thracia, truly hilarious! :biggrin:

Loved:

Quote: It is an odd sort of figure, bent as it is over the laptop like Grendel over a chunk of Dane-flesh

:lol:

Bit of a sticky (oooo, sorry) situation they've gotten themselves into. Silly guys... Are elves, like, you know, ever interested in things other than twigs? Could Gemma and Cleo, you know, use their assests to persuade a guard to let them down? Just an idea... :?

If not, then they could pretend that thier cages are straining the branches, and they fear that they might break them, and when the elve's let them out to look, they make a break for it?

If I can think of anything else, I shall return! :D

Can't wait for the next chapter Thracia!

*holds breath* :shock:
Back to top  
Smee



Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:31 am    Post subject:  

Very good chapter :D - I too loved the first bit, and all the rest. :lol:

The Lieders were hilarious :D


I have no idea how to get out the cages though. They should just take all their clothes off and enjoy what time they have left. Maybe fashion some kinda rope from the clothes if they must :P
Back to top  
LordoftheNight



Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Posts: 5276
Location: Hell

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 6:12 am    Post subject:  

Well, if being half-human is a crime punishable by death, there must at one point have been suffiencent numbers of half-elven children for the law to have been intiated. Therefore we can most likely conluced that elves do find humans attractive, and not as some merely lower race.

Unless of course, all instances of human-elf mating were through rape, in which case my point is completely invalid.
Back to top  
Thracia Alba



Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:40 am    Post subject:  

Ay caramba, Lordy! :shock: This is supposed to be a happy story! No, it was nothing like that. The J'naeric elves don't really have a grudge against humans (for instance, being a human is not a punishable offense), but they do have a grudge against half-human elves. They're a crazy lot, those J'naeric elves. And there never were many elf-human hybrids at one time; they just had a meeting one day and decided on a no-nonsense policy. Go figure. :roll:

And now, without further adieu, I'm off to the mountains!
Back to top  
Shady Stoat



Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Posts: 2950
Location: England

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:04 pm    Post subject:  

Yowch! A tricky situation and no mistake!

Ermm... can we introduce to the elves the concept of tiny weeny germs and microbes in the air? The ones that they're killing simply by breathing in and out so darned much?

Maybe we can offer them the solution of 'special mouth and nose filters' if they give us freedom? Or maybe they'll just hyperventilate and fall over unconscious in their efforts not to take the next breath?

Or maybe they'll dismiss it conveniently, as so many people do when confronted by upsetting truths.

Dunno - I'll be back if anything more exciting comes to mind :)
Back to top  
Key



Joined: 08 Feb 2004
Posts: 2652
Location: The Royal Palace

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 3:51 pm    Post subject:  

Great chapter, Thracia! :D

Hmm...a tough situation indeed. I say that their best chance is to bluff their way out - tell the elves that they know where a great treasure is stored, or that someone is out to burn down the forest, or some such thing to get the elves interested in talking to them instead of executing them.

Of course, in the end they're going to have to run for it.

o-)
Back to top  
Thracia Alba



Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:07 pm    Post subject:  

Hmm, an interesting proposition indeed, Key. That might be very fun to write. ;) It all depends on the poll, of course.
Back to top  
Stubby
Guest





Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 5:13 am    Post subject:  

Good one! Again!

Tough decision, though.

Ummm..... does Cleo have anything useful in her backpack this time? Any spells or potions or whotnot from the council? After all, she is a witch, so she might have something magical, or at least something she might use to bribe the guard?

Loved the lieders, and their webs of deception :)
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:45 am    Post subject:  

*finishes laughing* Loved the Lieders. But I think I prefered Cleo and the stick case better.

Hmm. I know Gemma has no good feelings about Coriander, but could we ask where he is from the guard? Reading it seems he is not in a cage like the two women. And if Cleo had any potions, might I recommend something that burns through their cages.

Of course once out, the two of them have a problem. Finding a way out of the whole place. Can't think of anything for that problem though.
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:32 pm    Post subject:  

Quote: A little ways away hung another cage that held Coriander, who seemed to be out cold still.

Sorry, he's captive just like the other two. ;)

It seems that, in my euphoria from overcoming my month-long bout with writer's block, I may have rushed through the chapter somewhat and left out some important details, which is indicative of bad writing. But oh well!

1) Each prisoner (Coriander, Gemma, and Cleothestrina) is currently "hanging out" in a metal cage (since J'naeric elves won't cut down trees for any reason, and they see using fallen branches as a desecration), suspended in the branches of a gigantic oak tree. The cages open at the top, and the cages themselves are suspended with ropes made of synthetic material imported from Niphti (Niphti and the J'naeric elves actually have a pretty good trade going on, which will be explained later).

I have drawn a lovely diagram of the situation, which you can see here.

2) Gemma's backpack was taken away when she was arrested. It's currently being held by Burrberry, the head of J'naeric security.

3) No, Cleo is not a witch herself. She just works for the Council. Not everyone who works for the Council is a witch, which will also be explained in the next chapter (hopefully).

4) No, I am not completely insane. Thanks for asking, though. :D
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:52 pm    Post subject:  

Ah. Thanks for the clarification, I must have missed that sentence as I was reading. Nice drawing btw. Much better than my attempts at art. I think my area of expertise is writing thus the use of a pencil, well computer nowadays.

Yeah. and I thought the Elves would be smart enough to take Cleo's bag. But the question posed assumed she had her bag.

Well then I guess the best thing we can do is distract the guard. Since Coriander is still out, Cleo and Gemma could send the guard off to get a healer of sorts or something. Hopeful that will send him away. After that....well I haven't really thought that far ahead. :cool:
Back to top  
LordoftheNight
Guest


Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Posts: 5276
Location: Hell

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 4:52 pm    Post subject:  

Lol, I like the pic.
Back to top  
Chinaren
Guest


Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8878
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 7:14 pm    Post subject:  

Indeed, nice illustration.
Back to top  
dragon_fire372
Guest


Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Posts: 258
Location: Montana

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:23 pm    Post subject:  

Do you have any way of starting a fire? Then you could tell the elves you'll burn down the forest unless they agree to free you and grant you safe passage through the forest.

If not, then I'd say wait till nightfall, then try to squeeze out of the caves and sneak away.

If that's not possible, I f5 everyone else. o-)
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 8:27 pm    Post subject:  

Burning the place is a good idea...if we had any way to start the flame. DF I don't think we're in a cave. We're in metal bar cages, hanging perilously from trees.
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:03 pm    Post subject:  

Ravenwing wrote:
Yeah. and I thought the Elves would be smart enough to take Cleo's bag. But the question posed assumed she had her bag.


Actually, it's my fault for not mentioning it had been taken away. Guess I forgot.

Hm... Well, burning would be possible if they had matches or even a tinder box... Or if they had glasses like their illustrious, bespectacled author. But these J'naeric elves are so besotted with their forest, they'd be likely to take any threat seriously. We'll see, I suppose. ;)

I'll wait another day or so for any further suggestions, and then it's polling time! :biggrin:
Back to top  
Stubby
Guest





Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:19 pm    Post subject:  

*looks at drawing*

OMG! They;re strangling the root of that poor tree!
Guard! Guard! can't you feel this tree's pain? That horrible synthetic cord you have bound aroung it's root is constricting and restricing the flow of life-giving sap!

Quick! You'll have to untie it and just hold onto the ropes for yourself for a while until the tree recovers.

No, no, you'll be fine holding three cages, Elves are really strong!

-----

OK, just how stupid is the J'naeric guard? And can he fly? *grin*
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:25 pm    Post subject:  

:lol: That's awesome, Stubbs! That's definitely going on the poll!

Edit: A though occurrs to me, though. If the guard is somehow duped into holding up the cages, he will of course not be able to hang on (and will probably be yanked up violently), and the cages will crash to the ground. :shock:
Back to top  
ethereal_fauna
Guest


Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 2567
Location: USA

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:01 am    Post subject:  

Great stuff :D

Quote: the first glimmerings of what could possibly be called an idea were beginning to take form in a remote, seldom-used part of his brain

Has to be my favorite line, as this is how my ideas come to me. :cool:

I like Stubby's poot root strangling, although I think the elves would be incited to action a lot quicker if you have (or pretend to have) a match and threaten to light the next emission from the dreaded poot root.
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:44 am    Post subject:  

If we had a small piece tinder and a red marker... :D
Back to top  
Stubby
Guest





Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:57 am    Post subject:  

ethereal_fauna wrote: I like Stubby's poot root .

OK, but I never claimed to be able to either type OR spell :lol:
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:59 am    Post subject:  

I was going to comment on that, but I decided that I wouldn't ruin your pride, Stubby. :cool:
Back to top  
ethereal_fauna
Guest


Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 2567
Location: USA

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 5:01 am    Post subject:  

Stubby wrote: OK, but I never claimed to be able to either type OR spell :lol:

But some typos are inspirational :D

You should have left it root of that poot tree instead of changing it to poor. ;)
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 5:06 am    Post subject:  

*laughs* Or we could have just added as a new word in the English language. :cool:
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:28 am    Post subject:  

:rofl: You guys crack me up! So is a 'poot' tree a tree that's had too many burritos for lunch?

All interesting ideas, indeed. I shall wait until I return from school around 9:45 tonight, upon which time I'll put up the poll. This is going to be my most interesting one yet, I think. ;)
Back to top  
ethereal_fauna
Guest


Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 2567
Location: USA

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:30 am    Post subject:  

I'd reckon the poot tree has a high-fiber diet. :mrgreen:
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:37 am    Post subject:  

ethereal_fauna wrote: I'd reckon the poot tree has a high-fiber diet. :mrgreen:

Grrrooooooooooaaaaaaan. :lol:

All this fun from one little typo!
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:41 am    Post subject:  

Best not let everyone in the world hear of that. Or else we may have angry elves against us because people keep cutting down the trees for their high-fiber.
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:57 am    Post subject:  

Yeah, we'd have a pointy-eared Jihad on us before you could say "poot".
Back to top  
ethereal_fauna
Guest


Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 2567
Location: USA

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:21 am    Post subject:  

...or even let slip a poot.
Back to top  
Stubby
Guest





Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:37 am    Post subject:  

is that a J'naeric Jihad?

and are we sure it is a tree, not a beanstalk?
Back to top  
ethereal_fauna
Guest


Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 2567
Location: USA

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:24 pm    Post subject:  

*giggles*

...beanstalk...
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:07 pm    Post subject:  

*stares at fauna's weird antics*

'Tis a tree I think. Well from the drawing, we are hanging from a tree....like monkeys!! No not really. :cool:
Back to top  
ethereal_fauna
Guest


Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 2567
Location: USA

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:08 pm    Post subject:  

I didn't suggest it was a beanstalk. I just laughed about it. :cool:
Back to top  
Ravenwing
Guest


Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 3750
Location: Virginia

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:12 pm    Post subject:  

It was more of a comment in reference to Stubby's post.
Back to top  
Thracia Alba
Guest


Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 474
Location: The Golden State

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:13 pm    Post subject:  

No, it isn't a beanstalk because there isn't a giant living at the top... But wouldn't that be awesome? Hmmmm... *plots*
Back to top  
 
       Storygames Home -> The Greatest Fantasy Story Ever Goto page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Page 1 of 4


Powered by phpBB Search Engine Indexer
Powered by phpBB 2.0.16 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group