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Chapter 10: The Pillbox
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Ravagerrr
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 8:29 pm    Post subject: Chapter 10: The Pillbox  

:biggrin: Pillbox - Chapter 10

The Pillbox


Glitz and glamour surrounded her as she sauntered across the complex patterns of the Casino carpeting. Great murals in Greek artistic style graced the walls and ceilings. Bronze casts of Caesar’s bust were situated in the alcoves of the Casino's entrance lobby, but she hardly paused to admire them.

Swimming through the flashing lights, sirens blaring, horns honking, trumpets blasting and the myriad other sounds of the slot machine ocean, Phantasy was not oblivious to the many looks cast her way. However, most of the patrons, playing these coin games, hardly twitched an eyeball, affixed to the screens in front of them like zombies staring at their masters, doing little but reaching to push the 'repeat bet' buttons in a rhythmic routine they had likely been repeating for hours on end, some, even days.

Those who did pause to glance upwards were immediately roused from their trances at the sight of her breathtaking, if not a bit tasteless, appearance. Even those who previously had no tastes leaning towards the Gothic look were influenced to follow her with longing stares. Her radiant femininity was permeated by a deliciously dark 'bad girl' aura, even causing a few self-respecting women to flush in envy.

Many of them were fortunate enough to catch her in a brief lock of eye contact, as she wasn't here to merely stir up a maelstrom of arousal. Phantasy was here for business. Glancing from person to person, she quickly strode through the slot machines, realizing the one she sought was rather unlikely to be playing for pennies.

The Craps tables, high rollers, she reminded herself, that's where he said to meet him. Hips swaying, she sped up the pace, weaving through passing crowds of people who were calling it a night.

As she grew nearer to the higher-class regions of the Casino Floor, leaving behind the cacophony of beeps and blares, she took note of the serving girls darting to and fro, carrying glasses of champagne to wealthy guests. Their attire compared more to bathing suits than anything else, giving all patrons as much leg and cleavage to drool over as could be legally shown.

Figures, she thought, He probably just wants me to work here as one of them. Having been a resident of Las Vegas for just over a year now, Brenda wasn't a stranger to the casinos, but her respect for these 'sexified' waitresses was thin at best. To her, they were little more than underpaid, under confident little girls who hadn't the guts to use their 'charms' in more lucrative ways. Inevitably, they would end up, at the closing of the day, whining about how little they get paid, how hard it is to make it, how sore their dainty little feet were and so on.

Meandering onward, Phantasy passed the card tables, and made her way towards the crowd gathered in the center of the hall. There were always crowds around the high roller tables, gathered to witness the daring of rich folks who had plenty more to spare than they.

In the background, the clatter of a marble across a roulette wheel could be heard over the hum of multiple pockets of conversations.

Among the gathered crowd, dripping with jewels and fine silks, fancy women were draped about properly composed, handsomely dressed men. Despite their upper class demeanors, Phantasy had little difficulty in getting the men of the crowd, their eyes widening with lustful hunger, to graciously move aside, allowing her access to a front row view of the Craps table.

Ignoring the protests of the women now behind her, Phantasy quickly looked to see who had just cast the dice, which were bounding about the table the moment she reached the front.

"Seven!" Shouted the ebony man in the red and white casino suit, standing in attendance at the table. "Again..." he muttered under his breath.

"Ha ha, wow, that's 6 in a row ladies! Am I on tonight or what?" bragged the caster of the dice, a pompous looking, thin, short little man in a sparkling purple top hat and a gaudy yellow polka dotted suit. His thin, straight, blonde hair extended down from his loud hat to silkily rest upon his scrawny shoulders. Despite his slight stature, tall, gorgeous women, lavished with diamond jewelry and ivory gowns, were hanging from his arms, brunette to his right, blonde to his left, giggling in ecstasy along with his almost patronizing mirthful chuckle. Turning to the long dark haired vixen at his right he asked, with a hint of cynicism, "How many should I roll this time?"

Ending the comment with another surge of patronizing guffaws, he turned to look directly across the table, immediately gazing deep into Phantasy's eyes. His blue irises seemed to pierce into her soul. The crowd came to a hush as he continued his dramatic stare for a few seconds longer than was necessary.

"What do you think, Phantasy?" he asked, dropping to a melodramatic deep near-whisper, "Are you feeling Lucky tonight?"

Normally comfortable with all eyes upon her, a shiver crawled up her spine and her breath caught in her throat. There was something more to this man than met the eye, something much more. She did her best to conceal the wave of apprehension washing over her as she nodded demurely.

"Good!", said the man, snapping back into a smile, reminding her of a grinning cat. At the break of the suspense, the crowd relaxed and began to hum with anticipation once again.

Stretching over the table, he reached his thin arms out towards the pile of glistening golden tokens, arrayed in tall stacks before him. Pushing them into play, he announced to the crowd in showmanship fashion, "TWO Million dollars!"

Reacting with pleasant surprise and nervous anticipation, the hum of the crowd's hushed conversations picked up a notch, then someone at the table began clapping their hands, followed soon by the whole entourage, filling the air with applause.

Phantasy, however, remained locked in the man's icy blue gaze. She tried to read him as he studied her, looking for signs of... of what she wasn't sure exactly.

As the crowd settled once again, the ebony man used a long cane to push two shiny new dice over to the gambler. However, while keeping his eyes locked in Phantasy's gaze, the diminutive man put out his hand to ward off the dice, explaining, "I want her to roll."

The oblivious lack of response from his arm candy females was not matched by the surge in crowd reactions. "Who is that woman?" was heard carried from the lips of a hushed whisperer.

An eyebrow rose on the face of the table administrator as he turned to offer the dice to Phantasy, whose jaw was set against revealing any response to this startling change of events.

Two Million dollars! she screamed inside her mind, TWO MILLION??? What if I lose? Will my job depend on my rolling the winning number???

Trembling inside, she steadied her hand as she tenderly reached forth to caressingly take hold of the dice offered her. Even in a situation such as this, it was best to maintain her arousing demeanor. It could be just what he's looking for.

She fondled the dice with a coy glint in her eyes. Squinting a devious expression, smiling and licking her lips, she brought the dice to her mouth. Acting at first as if she would lick them with her luscious tongue, she tauntingly perked her lips for a playful kiss on the six-sided polyhedrons, smearing their red, sparkling surface, with her black lipstick.

Showing a tendency for spontaneous, excited, action, she suddenly gave the dice a rigorous shake and gracefully, boldly, stretched forth to cast them dancing across the table, bouncing joyfully off the far barrier, just under the gambler's gaze, which still hadn't shifted from Phantasy's eyes. As Phantasy and the gambler maintained their locked glance, the dice ended their whirling dance, clattering to a final resting point.

"SIX", came the relieved, triumphant bellow of the attendant, "The House Wins!"

Bursting into an uproar of agonized defeat, the crowd booed and hissed, sighed and laughed, thankful it hadn't been their own money on the table. Inside, Brenda was about to melt with disappointment, feeling as if a flood of tears would soon well to melt the mask she had painted on so perfectly just an hour before. But on the outside, she continued her confident, seductive glare.

She couldn't read the look in the gambler's blue eyes, but slowly, the hint of a sardonic smile crept up at the edges of his lips, gradually erupting into a full-blown grin.

"Ha HA ha HA HA HA HA HA HA ha!" he yelled like a madman, breaking free of his consorts and twirling around in a circle, dancing in glee. The crowd gasped at his strange display of mirth, one which sounded genuine in comparison to the joy expressed at his winning rolls. He skipped around, doing a Fred Estaire impression for a moment or two, laughing like a committed freak in a nuthouse.

Then, suddenly, he rushed back to the table and slapped his hand down on another pile of golden tokens, the half he hadn't just bet. With the excited glee of a child, he excitedly announced, "All of it! ALL OF IT! The OTHER 2 Million!"

Of course, the crowd reacted with shock and applause yet again, though this time a bit taken aback by his strange showmanship.

Smiling widely, he shouted across the table to a surprised but composed Phantasy, "I guess you don't got the luck suga', not everyone can be 'Lucky'!"

Impatiently grabbing the dice from the attendant, he squinted his eyes and shook them next to his ear as if he were trying to figure out the contents of a package under a Christmas tree, then, maintaining his scrunched up facial expression of curiosity, he rapidly shook the dice at his other ear, still seeming as if he needed to know what the contents of the rattling would reveal.

Then, in an insanely dramatic flailing of the arms, laughing like a maniac, he burst backwards, twirled around 3 times and, with great gusto, flung the dice against the far wall. Not waiting for them to come to a stop, he called to Phantasy, "Follow me my dear!", and began to prance away without even seeing the results! Over his shoulder he called out to the attendant, "Put it in my account, sir!"

The crowd wasn't sure whether to be more in shock that he had just walked away from an undecided 2 Million Dollar bet, or at the fact that both of the dice, after having hit the far wall, were spinning like tops across the table, seeming as if they would never fall to a conclusion. On and on they continued to spin, a thing that none of them had ever witnessed in Vegas. Spinning and spinning, they finally knocked up against one another and scattered into a final conclusion...

"Seven?!?", the administrator cried in confusion, surprise, and even a touch of agony. Beads of sweat began to drip down his forehead. He had a terrible feeling that this would cost him his job!

The crowd roared in appreciation, as Phantasy, knowing there was something darkly wrong with the events that had just proceeded, stormed through the shocked observers to wade her way towards the gambler.

He suddenly spun to face her as she approached, stopping her dead in her tracks.

Taking what appeared to be an unusually serious tone, he boldly asked, "You want a job, a career or an adventure? I can offer you any of them. You held up well, kid. I see a LOT of potential in you. I think," a wry smile came to his lips, "it just might be your lucky day after all."

_____________________________________________________

"The PILLS! What is up with the PILLS?!?", cried Sergeant Mack in frenzied anticipation. "I think it’s about time to let me in on this don't you?"

Those gathered at the simple metallic table, within the humble dining hall, laughed in agreement.

"GODDAMMIT, I'd say it is!", shouted Sternheim in reply. Turning to a happily quivering Sam, he said, "Well, show the boy, dammit!"

"Uh, Oh-Ok." Sam said with a smile as his silver hair found new ways to chaotically jut out from his balding head. "M-mack, h-here it is," he said as he produced a small iron box, camouflage painted across its surface. Quivering in his hands, Sam placed the box on the cleared table in front of Mack with an audible clang.

Looking at the small box, which appeared to be something like a case for a bar of soap, with loopholes for a belt in the back, Mack asked, "OK, what exactly is this?" Further examination revealed a small shiny black smooth spot on the front of the case. Although he tried to pry the box open, for some reason, it wouldn't budge.

"The box is locked," said Sydney, hovering in his chair at the front of the table. "It will only open for the first person who opens it, which," he added, "should be you."

"Huh?" Mack replied.

"That little black pane on the front of the box is a finger print reader," continued Sydney. "The first person to plant their forefinger on that spot will forever after be the only person who can open that box, with the exception of one other."

"Who's that?" asked Mack before proceeding.

"Who the hell do you think it is, Goddammit? Its me!", shouted the General with a grin. "I gotta f**kin be able to get in there if, for some reason, you can't!"

"Like if I'm dead right?"

"Exactly! Goddammit, yer a soldier Mack, a goddammed Airborne Ranger at that! Don't go gettin' squeamish on me now!"

"Of course not, Sternheim. Just clarifying." Mack held the strange box, not even quite the size of his palm. Twirling it over and over, looking at it from all angles, he finally decided it was time.

Placing the box back on the table, Sternheim spoke up once again, "This is yer Goddammed Pillbox Mack. Yours to use, and yours alone. Ours to fill when you run out of what’s inside. Well, open it up all-goddammed-ready!"

Extending his forefinger to the little black surface, Mack firmly pushed his print onto its glossy surface.

A moment passed, so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, a barely audible click was heard from the little device.

Apprehensively looking up at the others, all with smiles on their faces, Mack lifted the top of the box, to find that it worked on a swivel, opening just one end, obviously, the top. As he opened it, he revealed a row of 8 tubes, each with a colored capsule jutting forth for the taking.

Offered from the box was one pill for each color of the rainbow, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple, in addition to White and Black. They were smaller than he would expect pills to be, almost chewable tablets. Amused but confused, Mack looked up at the group with questioning eyes.

"Be Goddammed careful with them things Mack! They're deadly poisonous to anyone who hasn't had yer procedure," claimed Sternheim flatly.

"What do they do exactly?" asked Mack slowly.

"They each do different things," said Natalia, her accent femininely washing over him bringing a rash of pleasant chills. "The Red one is my favorite. It arouses you, adrenalizes you; makes you faster, more accurate."

"Stronger?"

"Somewhat, yes," replied Sydney, "but not to superhuman levels. That’s what the Orange pill is for. It’s designed to replace adrenalin with a more potent chemical that acts directly on the muscle structures."

"Superhuman? Just how strong would it make me? I'm not gonna be able to throw cars around and sh**, will I?"

"Ha ha, Goddammit, Mack, by lookin atcha, I'd say you probably can already!" answered the General. "But seriously... we don't know how strong you'll be when using the Orange pill Mack. We'll have to run some tests to determine that. You ARE a goddammed test subject, Mack. Sydney didn't hold that back did 'e?"

"No, sir, I made sure to inform him," stated Sydney.

"Hmm... OK," said Mack, a growing excitement washing over him at the prospects these pills were offering. "What does the yellow one do?"

"Th-that one h-hardens your skin, m-makes you r-rather d-difficult to hurt, r-resistant to the elements." stumbled Sam in reply.

"And if you do get hurt," chimed in Natalia, "you can use the green pills to increase the rate of healing. We've spared no expense to keep you alive and in one fine piece."

"That's comforting. Now then, what about the blue pill?"

"That's yer Goddammed thinkin' cap, Mack!" announced the General, "When you really need to pull a golden thought out yer ass you swallow that puppy right there and it'll clear yer Goddammed head, givin' ya a few moments of genius. If Natalia here keeps battin her Goddammed eyes atcha I'm gonna order ya to swallow one!"

Smiling, Mack replied, "Yeah, well, with all due respect, you might want to rescind that order, Sternheim. It might make me wake up and realize how friggin insane I've been to be a part of this all!" But in the back of his mind, the child inside was doing summersaults in joy! What fun toys these new pills could be!

"Alright, you two," added Sydney, "Lets not argue over everything."

"Ha ha, who's arguing goddammit? Sydney pull the stick out yer ass will ya?" came the General's response.

"What does this Purple pill do?" asked Mack.

"W-we're n-n-not r-really s-sure..." stammered Sam.

"What? You're giving these Purple pills to me and you're not sure what they do???"

"Well, what Sam's trying to say," jumped in Sydney, "is that the Purple pills have been known to have a variety of possible affects. They seem to operate on something unique to each creature we've given it to, enhancing something that’s already there, but hasn't been obvious."

"Like what?"

"Well," continued Sydney, "In our tests on animals, we found that each creature had... gifts. See, the brain is never really fully active. Tests have shown that humans use about three percent of their minds at any given time. Locked away in unused places in the mind are what you might call talents, or gifts. Seems animals are fairly similar, with hidden potentials of their own, but with them, the results were pretty much the same according to their species, but our studies regarding human brains suggest that each person will react very uniquely to the treatments the purple pills offer."

"How do you know this if I'm the first human you can give these pills to?"

"Just from what we know about the brain. From studies done on computer generated models, what we know about people who have..." Sydney paused for a moment.

"Who have what?" demanded Mack.

"Well, throughout past there have been a lot of people who have developed various, um, ‘psychic’ abilities. Nobody seems to really develop exactly the same gift and most people never open one up at all," continued Sydney, "This Purple pill is designed to open up your psychic traits, whatever they may be."

"Really? I guess I should have figured, after traveling at near light speed, meeting a goat man, and being attacked by a demon, that psychics were real. I always thought of em as being nothing more than scam artists."

"Well," continued Sydney, "A lot of them are. But they're just imitations of the real deal. There's lots of real deals locked away in the FBI's X-files. The TV show wasn't totally off base you know."

"Yeah? What do you guys know about aliens? Aside from saying that the Sumerians claim we were put here by them?"

An uncomfortable look crossed General Sternheim's face. "Goddammit Mack, this isn't the time for that discussion!” Refocusing the conversation he added, “We'll soon find out what your 'psychic' talents are and we've got an expert on hand here at the facility that should be able to help you to most effectively use 'em. Fer now, lets keep the conversation focused on the damm pills shall we?"

Strange, Mack thought, even though I'm pretty much Goliath now, his rank still frightens me! "Alright, then, what about the Black one?"

Smiling, Sternheim answered, "That's my personal Goddammed favorite right there, Mack! Wish we could use them on our Special Forces guys. Who knows, maybe someday they'll all be treated like you. Till then, yer the only goddammed one who can use 'em."

"Well, what do they do?"

"You know, Mack," said Sydney, "when the old revolutionary soldiers fought the English Redcoats, one of the big differences back then was that we hadn't yet realized just how powerful stealth was. We had blue jackets; they had Red coats. We all stood out like sore thumbs. Now, understanding the value of moving unseen, our soldiers wear camouflage, but that Black pill there is a couple steps better."

"How so?"

"You've seen a Goddammed chameleon blend in with its environment haven'tcha Mack?"

"You mean..."

"YES, Goddammit! This pill actually makes yer GODDAMMED SKIN blend in with its environment, just like a F**KIN' chameleon! Pretty dammed cool eh?” Sternheim guffawed, pleased to unveil the nature of the Black pills.

"Yeah, actually, that IS pretty cool!" smiled Mack.

Rolling his eyes at the theatrics, Sydney continued, "And that White pill, there, works nicely along with the Black one when you're working at night. That one gives you nearly flawless night vision. It won't blind you in daylight either, just makes your pupils hyper reactive to the light level and enhances the ocular nerves, allowing them to see colors and shapes in next to no light at all. In fact, the White pill can help you with sniping as well, since it should clear up any flaws in your vision and increase your range of sight. In my opinion, that one's just as good if not better." Sydney shrugged at the General.

"Wow, these pills do a lot of things," said Mack, thrilled with his new toys.

"Y-you'll w-want t-to be v-very careful with them, M-mack," Sam warned.

"Yeah, sure, don't let em get into the wrong hands and all, right?"

"W-well, n-not j-ust that. If you u-use t-too many at once, you could still p-poison yourself."

"What do you mean? I'm regenerative right? And if I need more medical help I can just use this Greeny here, right?"

"Not exactly," answered Natalia, "Mack, if you use more than 2 pills at once, your body will overload, swell, and you will likely choke to death, just like what would happen if any of us here took one now."

"Hmm... That doesn't sound too good. So how long do they last? How long should I wait between them?"

"W-we're n-not t-too sure, actually," stammered Sam.

"What??? You mean I'm on my own here? If I eat too many I die so be careful? That’s the best you can tell me?"

"Something like that, yes," answered Natalia, "Generally the pills should wear off after half an hour or so."

"Honestly, though, this is amazing! How did you come up with this?"

Sydney replied, "Well, as I said before Mack, all these technologies are based on the Monoatomic Elements. The Monoatomic Gold in your body has transformed your nervous system into a conduit that can allow for some pretty amazing things. We've got soups of various other Monoatomic Elements and biochemicals in those pills, which are designed to target different parts of the body for temporary adaptations. Thankfully, they've all been tested on creatures similar to ourselves, monkeys and apes and such, and Kape has been the primary test subject for human responses."

"Thats right, Kape has been given the primer serum too, hasn't he?"

"Yes," answered Natalia, "He took it quite well actually. All the pills worked wonderfully on him but he's suffered some from minor overdoses. Its because of him that we have any idea at all about how much you should be limited to at once."

"So, he can take these pills just like I can? Doesn't he have a 'Pillbox'?"

"Goddammit Mack, I love Kape like a dammed son, but the poor bastard's too much animal to be trusted with his own pills. We administer them to him as we feel he requires em."

"Yeah, thankfully, we shoved a Red one down his throat when he went charging off to save you." said Sydney, referring to Mack's encounter with the demon earlier.

"Wow, you mean that creature was THAT tough?"

"HELL YEAH, Mack! Those f**kers from down below don't mess a-f**kin'-round!" barked the General. "They've got some goddammed unholy strength in even the smallest of the bastards! Kape shot 'im with his goddammed rifle and it still didn't do the little a**hole in! If the goddammed piece of s**t experimental weapon hadn'ta jammed, he'd a let off another few rounds, which shoulda done the trick, but as it was, I now have my best goddammed gaurd down in detox!"

"Seems I owe Kape a huge thank you! I really didn't stand a chance without your help. Thanks for the watch Sydney!"

"No problem. I'm just glad you didn't detonate the thing. It's not cheap you know!"

"Ok, so how many Pills of each color are in this little box here?"

"Four," answered Sydney, "If you prove to use them wisely, we will consider arming you with more of them at once. For now, budget and health concerns, along with your inexperience with them, have caused us to limit them to four apiece."

"That's alright," said Mack, "I'm a soldier. I'm used to having to prove myself first. Ok, so, how exactly do I use them then?"

"You just have to eat them," explained Natalia, "Just chew them up thoroughly and swallow the juices so that it takes effect quickly. Normaly, they'll start affecting you after about thirty seconds, but you can just swallow them whole to delay their effects for five minutes or so, as they more gradually work their way into your system. But you should know that just swallowing them will not only lessen their intensity, but it will lengthen their effects as well."

"So if I'm patient and swallow them, can I use more than two at a time if the effects aren't so drastic?"

"Perhaps," she answered, "but I would hesitate to risk it."

Breathing heavily, Mack felt that all of his questions were answered. The weight of the responsibility these pills carried felt much heavier in his hand than the load of their actual density.

"That box there, Mack," added Sternheim, "is cast out of Titanium alloy. Not gonna be too goddammed much that can get into there, should be bullet-proof as all hell."

Sternheim continued, "Regardless, I hope you understand that you are to guard these pills with your life. If, for any reason, you are facing capture or certain death, you are to make sure they are destroyed, thoroughly. Goddammit, if you have to, you swallow em all. Thats an order, goddammit, the most important order you've ever received! The formulas for these pills can NOT, goddammed, NOT fall into enemy hands. Do you understand me, soldier?"

Mack solemnly considered this order. Realizing he was being gifted with something nobody else in the world had ever been entrusted to, this was the kind of responsibility he knew few men could handle. Power corrupts, he mused, I'll have to make sure that doesn't happen to me! But how?

After a long, serious pause, Mack replied, "Of course, General Sternheim. I vow on my life that these pills will never fall into enemy hands."

"They'd better not, Mack. They'd better Goddammed not!" Sternheim replied solemnly. "Now then, we're obviously all pretty dammed excited to see you use one. We'll take you down to the training facility underneath us here and letcha try one out! Run some tests on ya in yer altered condition and get an idea of yer ultimate potential. Which one ya wanna start with? Or should we just show you some of the other toys y'll be workin' with?"
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Ravagerrr
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:13 pm    Post subject:  

Sorry... even longer than the last I think!
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Chinaren
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:43 pm    Post subject:  

Hurrah! A new chapter. I don't have time to read it properly now, so I will come back later. However, I get the meaning of your title at last!

I ahd been thinking 'Pillbox' as in a hardened bunker type of pillbox!
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LordoftheNight
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:50 pm    Post subject:  

Go for the new toys - he'll be like a kid at Christmas - opens one present and moves onto the next before playing with the first.

And yes - that was very long, even though it was all about pills.
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Shady Stoat
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 11:27 pm    Post subject:  

I didn't notice the length of the chapter - which is a sure sign that it wasn't too long. Then again, I would say that :P

Try the purple pill. It's the most mysterious, also possibly the hardest one to track the effects of. So let the researchers have the longest time to figure it out.

Good chapter again Rav. Some clever narratorial tricks going on now. :)
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Smee
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 1:25 am    Post subject:  

Yep - I'm with the Stoat - a very informative, but still enjoyable chapter. I'm not sure what specific tricks stoaty is refering to but it all read very well for a chapter with so much explantation.

I'm for the purple pill too - although the Orange one is tempting to see just how strong he is - physic powers are close enough to 'magic' for me to have to go for them ;)

Happy Writing. :)
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Chinaren
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 2:31 am    Post subject:  

Well, I want to see more toys!! The purple pill may only work in certain situations.

Nice chapter, the General really came into his own.

Quote: squeemish

I think this is squeamish.
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Araex
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:59 am    Post subject:  

Cool chapters... just two things:

Quote: But in the back of his mind, the child inside was doing summersaults in joy! What fun toys these new pills could be!

Loved that bit! So out of character it's great!

Quote: And if I need more medical help I can just use this Whitey here, right?

Greeney, surely?

And you know what?

PURPLE! PURPLE! PURPLE! PURPLE!
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Solomon Birch
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 6:02 am    Post subject:  

Good chapter Rav.

I think that at least attemtping to learn what the purple pill will do is a good idea, so he should try that. I want to see toys as well though! :D

*holds breath* :shock:
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The Powers That Be
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 8:42 am    Post subject:  

Good job at making the exposition chapter fun to read.

Just one nitpick: "pure titanium alloy" doesn't really make sense: an alloy is a mixture of metals.

They should definitely figure out what the purple pill does in a controlled environment.
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D-Lotus
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 6:19 pm    Post subject:  

Why not try out the normal weapons first? First he has to get adjusted to his body before trying this powerful stuff, the pills.
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Ravagerrr
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 7:33 pm    Post subject:  

Thanks for all the comments :)

Powers: I was thinking that titanium was an alloy by nature, so my meaning was that it was a perfect blend... but I realized that not only am I likely wrong(still not sure) but it really didn't come across right anyhow... I just removed it... I had some concerns about that line when I wrote it so thanks for pointing it out.

Araex: That wasn't too out of character when you consider that as a little boy, Mack always dreamed of this stuff! THANK YOU for pointing out that blaring error... ack!

China: Not sure... seemed squeemish passed the spellchecker, but maybe I just missed it. Changed it anyhow. The title was left a bit open for me at first. This was what I wanted 'pillbox' to mean, but I left room for it to also mean the kind you were thinking of. Actually, though, I meant it to carry that suggestion of the military in the title... its kinda a pun in a way. (weak pun but pun nevertheless) I mean... I still haven't explained what happened on the march to Baghdad, have I? How DID Sergeant Mack lose his legs? Hmmm...

Stoat: Yeah... feel free to stroke the ego here :) What clever narratorial tricks were you referring to? Actually, I'm not asking just so I can feel good. I'd like to know, not only what mistakes I make, but also what exactly I'm doing right. This is my first attempt at, not only a storygame, but authoring at all, and getting an idea of what is working would be just as valuable as pointing out mistakes! I wonder if some of what you are noting is done by accident or on purpose... I'll let you know if you can explain what you were referring to.
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The Powers That Be
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Joined: 19 May 2005
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 10:55 pm    Post subject:  

Ravagerrr wrote: Powers: I was thinking that titanium was an alloy by nature, so my meaning was that it was a perfect blend... but I realized that not only am I likely wrong(still not sure) but it really didn't come across right anyhow

Titanium is an element, atomic number 22. "Pure titanium" is the same as "unalloyed titanium". There are many titanium alloys designed for a variety of different purposes.

Ravagerrr wrote: What clever narratorial tricks were you referring to?

Stoat may have more in mind, but what I noticed was that you very nicely made the potentially tedious exposition interesting by breaking up the dialogue and information between a number of characters.
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Shady Stoat
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Joined: 02 Oct 2005
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Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 12:38 am    Post subject:  

Well, it probably seems like a trifling thing, and I'm sure other authors on the site do it too, but I particularly noticed in yours.

You tell the story from multi-viewpoints, including that of the adversary. It lends a sense of urgency to the plot that some of my stories have been missing. Since I planned on stealing that aspect of your work for my next game, I paid passing tribute to it ;)

There was, as Powers said, the giving of huge wodges of information in an interesting and pleasing manner too - but as it's been said by someone else already, I don't need to get all mushy about it *grin*
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Ravagerrr
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Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 7:33 pm    Post subject:  

Thanks for the positive feedback... yes... those things were on purpose. I tried to establish a variety of speach patterns that a person could easily identify the characters through without much prompting. I thought this might make it easier to tell who was speaking when there were many characters in the room. I'm glad using multiple characters to explain things worked to make the 'exposition' more enjoyable, though I figured what they were explaining was pretty cool too.

I can't take complete credit for the various points of view though. This is something the comic books have done for ages and a method I adopted to try to emulate that style.


BTW... Poll should be up now.
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Araex
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 12:43 am    Post subject:  

Let me be the first to say congrats Rav! SGotM!

And also...

PURPLE! PURPLE! PURPLE!
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Chinaren
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Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8878
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 12:48 am    Post subject:  

Oooh look! A shiny new forum!

:D
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Solomon Birch
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Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Posts: 1562
Location: England..... but Japan beckons.....

Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 2:50 am    Post subject:  

Yep, purple it is. :D

*holds breath* :shock:
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LordoftheNight
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Joined: 11 Aug 2005
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 3:49 pm    Post subject:  

Voted for the toys.

And congradulations on winning SGotM Rav.
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D-Lotus
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Joined: 21 Oct 2004
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Location: Hollywood, USA

Posted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 11:03 am    Post subject:  

For some reason, I can't see the poll, or the bottom half of the page after lordy's reply. I'll have to try again...
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LordoftheNight
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Posted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 11:06 am    Post subject:  

Your reply came out perfectly though.
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D-Lotus
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Posted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 11:17 am    Post subject:  

Yeah, now it works. I voted for experimenting with other weapons
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DukeReg
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Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 287
Location: Australia

Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 5:18 pm    Post subject:  

Yay! finally caught up!

I voted for the final, equipment option.
He is a soldier, who is used to using tools, and will probably get the most immediate use from them. This is important with demonic assassins running around.
It also gives them a chance, as people have pointed out, to see what his abilities are like without any added pill effects. Not very scientific to test the effects of something without something to compare it to.
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Muaddib
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Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Posts: 1765

Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 5:30 pm    Post subject:  

Nice av for pillbox! :D

I think he should see the 'other' toys.
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Ravagerrr
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 7:23 pm    Post subject:  

Thanks Muad... the av was made by our own Argonaut and a fine job 'e did eh?

Ok, y'all... only two more days left to vote on this... then Mack's fate is sealed!
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