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Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:31 am Post subject: Avarice chapter 8 - Door. |
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Crunchyfrog
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:35 am Post subject: |
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That was a good read! Now we get to see another side of Smur.
The only thing I would question is why the invisibility device confirms its activation with a spoken announcement. Surely, anyone who operates it would not want to advertise the fact that they have it!
Still, they are looking for Blue Skies, and they think they have found 'The Way'.
I would suggest that they find some mode of transport. Maybe it is conventional, maybe something to do with teleportation.
:) |
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Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: The only thing I would question is why the invisibility device confirms its activation with a spoken announcement. Surely, anyone who operates it would not want to advertise the fact that they have it!
Ah, yes. However, it's so advanced that it can obviously detect if any enemy are in range, in which case it stays quiet. Ahem. |
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DELETED
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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Mephistopheles
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Joined: 24 May 2007
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Location: Not where I want to be.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Another nice chapter, but i thought that there were a lot of missing commas. I like the idea of a big mutant monster that is guarding a door on the other side of the room. They either have to defeat it or out smart it to get through the chamber. Maybe it is a guardian or something? That was my first thought. Explains the smell too. All that excrement after years of being pent up! anyways, nice work. |
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Polokin
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Joined: 12 Aug 2006
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Location: It seems that I'm not physically capable of visiting a forum... damnit!
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| A wall! They failed their attempt yet again! |
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D-Lotus
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Joined: 21 Oct 2004
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Location: Hollywood, USA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 3:36 am Post subject: |
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| I like Zeph´s idea. Maybe some sort of ship that enables them to fly, as soon as they learn how to operate it. |
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:19 am Post subject: |
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| Nice to see you still around D! :D |
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OldJoe
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Joined: 23 Oct 2005
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Location: On mah steed.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Ah reckon some sort ah gateway inter ther Other side. Or mebe' a clue ter how ter find thisum Collector fellah. |
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:43 am Post subject: |
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| Poll will go up over the weekend, so more ideas need to be entered soon if you have them. |
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BStheGreat
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Joined: 01 Jan 2005
Posts: 262
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:51 am Post subject: |
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Well, it seems I finally managed to catch up on my reading, partly thanks to your synopsis. I wish I could have read all the chapters, however I simply lack the time required. I had already read chapter one though, from a while back so the synopsis gave me the gist of what was happening.
As for what is behind the door...I like OldJoes idea of a gateway to somewhere. As to where this gateway leads, I haven't any idea. But good job writing this chapter, it was interesting and also well written. Although its not perfect (nobody is perfect afterall) your chapters seem to lack the most common errors I have seen through reading other story on this site as well as others. I am looking forward to the next chapter. |
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Lilith
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Joined: 10 Feb 2007
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Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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| A Shade feasting on a Collector is my opinion, hehehe... |
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The Meaning Of Fear
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Joined: 06 May 2006
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Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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yay, nice one chinaren! Not as much "obscene" stuff as there was in greed, though. :lol:
I f5 everyone else, LOL. :D |
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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Very well, some good suggestions there!
Poll is up. Suck on the big meaty sausage of voting. :shock: |
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The Meaning Of Fear
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Location: In a deep, dark corner of the universe, plotting.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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chinaren wrote: Poll is up. Suck on the big meaty sausage of voting. :shock:
Must you always use strange metaphors when you put a poll up?
Tied the vote, LoL. But then again... Only 2 have voted, including me. :lol: |
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Chinaren
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| Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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The Meaning Of Fear wrote: chinaren wrote: Poll is up. Suck on the big meaty sausage of voting. :shock:
Must you always use strange metaphors when you put a poll up?
Yes. Yes I must. ;) |
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algu95
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Joined: 04 Mar 2007
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Location: Trudging around in Allwhere
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:42 am Post subject: |
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YEEEEeeeEeEEssSS!!!
Send in the clones, of the old republic Jedi! |
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BStheGreat
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Joined: 01 Jan 2005
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| Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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chinaren wrote: Very well, some good suggestions there!
Poll is up. Suck on the big meaty sausage of voting. :shock:
Haven't heard that one before :-o |
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