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1 - Stepping out - Metro style
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NeverNeverGirl



Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come

Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:47 pm    Post subject: 1 - Stepping out - Metro style  

Chap 1

As Bartrix strolled down the street he thought of all the times in his life when The Voice had come proceeding an ‘exciting’ adventure. Ticking them off on his mental list he recounted them all.

Lets see, he thought to himself, there was the time that he rescued the grateful princess Delphine from the evil Maharaja. Oh and lets not forget the deadly (well almost) climb to the highest point of Mt Farup where he threw a cursed wristwatch into a volcano and, more recently, his adventure into Deepdark Woods to help the Elven queen Emaleth fight the evil Dreadmonster. Now those had been the kind of adventures that made for fireside listening, he thought.

Hugging the lamp to himself he wandered further down the twisted streets of Alandria and further into its ‘seedy’ underbelly. The gilding on the streets turned gradually to tarnish. No longer were the majestic towers of Alandria Central visible, instead crumbling edifices, twisted dark towers and more than the usual amount of skull castles dominated the skyline. The broken down hovels no longer looked quaint or fairytale like, they were pits of despair inhabited by twisted and broken bodies. The smell of rats and offal filled the air with a rancid sickly smell that soon had Bartrix remembering his escapades into the sewers in search of the mystical RatKing.

Rather than the usual mystical eleven beauties, the thoroughfare soon offered up buxom, broken toothed Whores, lecherous Pirates with cutlasses in their sashes (lets not forget the prerequisite peg legs, eye patches and snarls). Jeering Swindlers called out to their next customer and the unearthly pale sheen of the Undead drew the unsuspecting into the shadows for their prey...

“OI! WRARK! Show us your ..” Ah yes, let us not forget the exotic plumed parrots of the Pirate crews.

Woken from his reverie by the screaming monkey of a one armed Gipsie organ grinder Bartrix came back to himself. At least enough to notice the 12-foot high wrought iron gates rusting off their hinges and the dilapidated rotting wooden sign over them bearing an illegible word* that Bartrix knew said ‘Hells Midden’. Unfortunatly it wasn’t enough for him to notice the darkly caped mysterious stranger slipping something into his pocket and furtivly ducking into a side alleyway..


Coming to a narrow laneway, which was the culmination of his journey, Bartrix was forced to stop and wait for a wagon bearing several suspicious looking lumps (with feet), underneath a pile of straw, to clear the street. He whistled to himself and pondered on the events that had bought him to this point.

It had been a dark windy night. He had found himself sleepy after a particularly rowdy meeting of the Worthy Adversaries No one Knows Everything...Rabbit club**and in the arms of a very un-helpless maiden when a mysterious letter from a stranger had been slipped under his door inviting him to come and discover his destiny. It had also asked him to bring with him the golden lamp of Nasi Goring, twenty Drakvarian spiders and a pint of milk.

The lamp had been a particularly tough challenge. After lengthy adventures in navigation through Alandria he had found who he was looking for, the Last Knight of Erinsford. From the old man selling his wares on a blanket he’d received a map. He had then trekked all the way through to the other end of the market to get to his destination and it was only with the help of a passing Sherpa guide that he had found his destination in a dimly lit alleyway off the marketplace.

This was by far the most taxing of his adventures to date really. If one couldn’t solve their problems with steel or simply take what they needed and no blood was shed (apart from when he had kicked his toe on that gutter...) then it was beyond Bartirx what to do about it.

He had actually had to PAY the owner over 500 Nadine (500n. ) for the lamp after he saw it in the window of Snibbler and Snythe Antiquities. He swallowed bile when he thought back to how he had ‘politely inquired’ after the lamp in the window..

Barry gave himself a mental slap and stopped himself short in his tracks.

"Oh all right," he snorted to himself contemptuously, "so they weren't actually Nadines? Nodinos look close enough that that old coote Snibbler won't notice until its much to late.. Besides he ripped me off to start with when he tried to sell me that ring. One ring to bind them all... honestly what tripe...”

Passing by the dusty window of Madame Menageries’ Ghastly Goods he caught his own reflection. A perfect profile, bright blue eyes and long golden locks looked back at him.

Looking a bit tired around the eyes old boy, he thought. He raked his fingers back through his hair and ruminated to himself on his physique.
Once these arms could lift a cartload of Oxen - now they are good for nothing more than the occasional breaking down of castle doors or carrying horses across rivers... Flipping back his cape he gently flexed his arms and struck a heroic pose.

Still got that though, always could knock dead with a well-timed smile. His eyes lingered on his faded red cape, once a fiery red symbol of his Hero status now a quiet almost pink reminder of his age...

If he was going to be completely honest it was all getting to be a bit tiresome really. He was so tired of Avenging deaths, Overthrowing Tyrants and rescuing Fair Maids. There’s only so much adventure one can take after a while.

He found himself slowing down as he walked and picked up his pace. His thoughts quickly returned to the assignation to come. As he neared his destination ‘Number 34 with the Blue door (knock twice to the rhythm of Jingle Bells)’ he contemplated who could it be that had summoned him thus? Could it be a trap? Or maybe a long lost friend or lover? A mysterious stranger? An endless list passed through his mind.


FOOTNOTES
___________________
* actually the lopsided scrawl said the words ‘Not quite Hells Midden but if you turn left and buy one of Ma Dinker’s Curry pies you will soon think it is!’.

** The name had been coined by a rival faction of Adventurers and being renowned for Brawn not intellectual ability the W.A.N.K.E.Rs hadn’t read past the first two words before they ran off to order their t-shirts. Surprisingly no body had pointed out the error and more than one had been heard to say that it was fitting indeed.


Let me have it, go on, i lost a more edited version so lets see if you pick up the same things i did...
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Lilith



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 5:22 pm    Post subject:  

Well done, NeNe! A truly fascinating and strangely humourous tale at that! A washed-up old hero past his glory days trying to relive them? Love it!

As for your DP, it's a trap! Some old crone is going to try and kill him! No idea why. lol.
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Chinaren



Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8876
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com

Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:07 pm    Post subject:  

Indeed, it has to be part of some cunning plan to rope him into that one last big quest, but this time on behalf of his old nemisis.
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:02 am    Post subject:  

Very well told, Nene, I am liking it a lot!

It sounds like he's been told to bring items for a spell of some sorts. Or maybe they are things to be used for protection or crucial to a task. Does he have the spiders and the milk yet?

I'd say it is an old hag, and she's going to blackmail him if he doesn't accept his mission.
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The White Blacksmith



Joined: 02 Apr 2006
Posts: 2629

Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:26 pm    Post subject:  

Clearly it's actually a doorway into another realm... One where all of those forgotten by the 'quest-givers' go. They invite all of their numbers to come, bringing with them some ingredients for the spell to get them out. And something of normal food to keep them alive.
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Fats_Masterson



Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 177
Location: The Great Canadian Desert

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:46 am    Post subject:  

Wow great story so far.

This early in the story I'd say that behind the door, (and behind the horrible ordeal to get to the door) is an old nemesis. A thwarted wizard or angry thief, out for revenge against our hero. He has some quest or challenge for Bartrix that will ultimately get him killed.

Of course our hero doesn't realize this and agrees to help.

What neither realize is that the "plan" of the villain is actually a plot by a third party out to screw everybody. (God, Demon, Immortal, take your pick really)
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Mephistopheles



Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 612
Location: Not where I want to be.

Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:37 am    Post subject:  

great story. Behind the door is a maiden whom he saved at one time, yet she feels bitter and full of spite for the rescue, so she is going to send him on a quest which will most assuredly end in his demise, something that she wished had happened to herself. milk and spiders though, well, she was thirsty, and her pet frog is hungry. oh, and her lamp quite working, she she decided that he could pick her up a new one as the beginning of his repayment.
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NeverNeverGirl



Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come

Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 5:04 pm    Post subject:  

polls up - i think i got all the ideas covered..if not then im sure i will hear about it
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dinranwen
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 6:11 pm    Post subject:  

*chuckles and attempts to hold in her sides through a fit of giggles* Good NeNe...very good.

I remember a story I read once that was along the simlar lines...

I certainly like that story, and I am certainly going to like this one.

Looking forward to the next Chapter NeNe.
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NeverNeverGirl
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Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:54 am    Post subject:  

if theres no more votes when i check back in i will close the poll and get writing..
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Masterweaver
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Posts: 1463
Location: Look around

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:12 pm    Post subject:  

Personally, I'd like to see him outsource his job.
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Lilith
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Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 1597
Location: Happily curled up in a Daemon's lap

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 5:15 pm    Post subject:  

DAMN! I TIED IT! So sorry Ne-Ne... I know how annoying ties are...
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Crossfire
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Joined: 07 Apr 2007
Posts: 479
Location: Somewhere between here and not-here, now and not-now... in the half-light, the borderlands, between.

Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:51 pm    Post subject:  

Gaargh. I three-way tied it. *sighs* Ah well. Try and fix up the grammar on the questions.
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NeverNeverGirl
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Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 1216
Location: dreaming away of tomorrows to come

Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:43 pm    Post subject:  

okay.... the winner by one vote was 'a nemisis out for revenge!!!!!"


stand by for next chapter... :x
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Serge Wolf
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Joined: 23 Jan 2008
Posts: 39
Location: Texas

Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:55 pm    Post subject:  

This only gets more and more surprising, I've yet to read the next few chapters, But I know this is only gonna get better. As my prediction is, is that the rival/nemesis is gonna be a fair maiden who wants him dead for some obscure reason.
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