City of IF

NeverNeverGirl

Chapter 4. Hold me, thrill me, kiss me – oh ah, touch me there!

Barry looked up from is contemplation of the sorry state of his new Gargoyle skin boots, the purple leather had become mired with some sort of foul sludge that he didn’t dare to hazard a guess about.

His eyes met those of his cellmate who ran his tongue over his lips lasciviously. Barrys’ flesh crawled, it was really really starting to creep him out.
I HAVE to find a way out of here before I kill myself.... he mused to himself.

It had come as a huge surprise to see his cell mate emerge from the shadows on the other side of the room. Dressed in his lycra yellow and black bodysuit, with matching cape and mask, he had sauntered over to Barry and most definitely invaded his personal space.

‘Oh, now aren’t you a strapping lad? Brucey had nothing on you, did he?’ The figure had then trailed his finger down the length of Bartrixs’ torso, and then reached out and squeezed his triceps.

‘Well we are a whole lot of man aren’t we?’

Barry had stepped back and almost run into the wall. His head couldn’t wrap itself around the notion of this creature.

‘I, um, yes?’ Flummoxed, Barry stuttered and answered vaguely.

‘Oh, Sugar, allow me to introduce myself... The name is Richard J. Grayson. But you can call me Dickie*, and you are?’

Barry took the daintily proffered hand, the black leather glove in which it was bound was sticky, and the handshake was so limp it left Barry feeling somehow unsatisfied.

‘Uh, Bartrix. Hi.’

Dickie had preceded to tell Barry all about his former ‘employer’ Bruce, and how he had been undervalued, underpaid and undersexed. Barry had soon learnt to turn his ears off and grunt sympathetically in the appropriate pauses.

It was only just now, when Dickie had mentioned something about an escape clause in his contract that Barry had actually begun to listen.

‘What did you just say?’ Barry was all ears, eyes and opposable thumbs now.

‘Silly, weren’t you listening? I said that as part of my contract with Brucey, he is under obligation to rescue me from any situation that may arise, regardless of our relationship or lack thereof. That’s why I wear this outfit so often, it actually holds a tracking device that when activated, by pressing just here,’ Dickie fiddled with the codpiece on his suit, ‘sends Bruce a message thingy and he comes to get me.’

‘You mean that he is on his way right now?’ Barry almost shouted out loud.

‘Yes, dear, of course he is. No matter what is going on, he drops it to come save Dickie. He is only human, of course...’ Dickie smiled at Barry in a smug self satisfied way and scooted over a bit closer.

‘Oh, I see..’ Barry barely had time to reply before a rather angular looking fellow, with a strange pointy mask and rather large codpiece, came exploding through the wall.

‘Robin! There you are, I always worry so much when you stay out l.....’ The stranger paused and turned to Bartrix, a strange look flickering through his eyes.

‘Who is this, Robin?’ The man had pulled himself erect, stiff backed and chin raised. He looked down his nose at Barry condescendingly. ‘Another one of your little friends, then? Can’t possibly keep your hands to yourself for night can you? If I knew you had company I wouldn’t have bothered coming...’

He looked Barry up and down haughtily.

‘Well, I see you have left your usual tastes behind, Dickie. This one is positively vulgar. Purple shoes – please! And that hair? Oh it just chills my core!’

Dickie flounced across the cell and threw himself around Barry proprietarily. He even went so far, as to run his hand through Barrys’ golden curls.

‘Batman, you just don’t get it do you? WE are over! I don’t want to be with someone like you, you are always telling me what to do and making me go first up the ladders and things.’ Dickie pouted and caressed Barrys’ chest with one hand while running his fingers up and down his arm with the other.

Barry stood frozen in disbelief. What was this? Some sort of lover’s quarrel? But these were both MEN, apparently.

Batman strode forward and grabbed Robin aggressively, pulling him away from Barry. He then proceeded to throw a rather solid right hook at Barrys’ head.

Barry took the blow like a champion, rising quickly to his feet and retaliating with all his might.

Neither man held back, and a Battle Royale ensued. Grappling, punching, kicking – even hair pulling and biting, all were used. They knocked over the midden, upturned the cots and rolled in a tangle of limbs, crashing into the pile of debris left by Batmans’ glorious entrance.

More bricks rained down on them and one caught Batman on the nose, causing a cascade of blood to flow freely down his face. Bartrix too was worse for wear, his shirt torn, his eye blackened, both men resembled nothing so more as bloodied masses of flesh.

A blood-curdling shriek rang out and the two heroes stopped - neither of them able to ignore the scream of a damsel in distress.

Robin stood there, gently cradling one hand in the other, his face ashen and tears flowing uncontrollably down his face.

‘Oh my god, it hurts. OWWW, the pain.’

Batman jumped to his feet quickly and ran over, Barry followed, curiously behind.

‘Oh Dickie, what’s wrong? Let me see...’

The baby talk issuing from the mouth of such a man as Batman made Barry cringe. What had happened to Heroes if they went about cooing like babies?

Barry peered over Batmans’ shoulder and saw a tiny splinter sticking out of Robin’s thumb. He almost sniggered out loud but the look that Batman shot him sent him scurrying back to his side of the room.

He sat on his overturned cot and closed his eyes.

I really should do something about escaping, he thought to himself. There is that hole in the wall I guess.

Opening one eye, Bartrix was about to enquire as to whether or not anyone would like to join him in escaping, when suddenly he caught a glimpse of something sticking out of the debris.

He reached over and gingerly pulled it out.

*most may not get this reference so I will quickly point out that Bruce Wayne (batman) had a sidekick named Robin whose other identity was, yup , you guessed it, Richard J. Grayson. A very camp lovable (or not) cult figure

Cyberworm · Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:23 pm Post subject:

Hey, NeNe! Quite a suprise! And quite a twist for the grandfather of heroes... Where did you get the idea for the Batman-Robin love scene? And where did you get the picture? (I had to laugh, and I laughed so loud I have awaken everybody in the house... :D )

Nice work! :drunk:

I guess the DP is the item...

Maybe it's a pager? :)

Dunno why, it was the first thing that came to my mind. :cool:

Mephistopheles · Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 4:53 pm Post subject:

nicely done nene! hmm, the thing that was i the rubble? A large phallus, with tiny bumps. which fell out of batman's utility belt. Best through that away and run!

okay, how about a map? batman doesn't need it. so take it and then follow the damsels cries of distress. maybe the map will come in handy somewhere down the road

Crunchyfrog · Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998

Lol, I could almost see the Kerpow's and Kersplats exploding from the page!

Staying on the Batman theme, I think it would be some kind of artefact belonging to Catwoman. The one from the 60's series, of course... ;)

Fats_Masterson · Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 3:50 am Post subject:

Another Great Chapter Nene, and congrats on winning August's SGOTM (I was rooting for you the whole time). I love the constant literary and pop culture references. As for what is sticking out of the rubble, I say it's a small, poorly handmade, rabbit-skin handbag. ;)

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:12 pm Post subject:

Fats_Masterson wrote: Another Great Chapter Nene, and congrats on winning August's SGOTM (I was rooting for you the whole time). I love the constant literary and pop culture references. As for what is sticking out of the rubble, I say it's a small, poorly handmade, rabbit-skin handbag. ;)

okay... im totally missing the reference though i could use this topic well and already have a line emerging in my head pertaining to a small bald hunter and a wascally wabbit...

but please fats fill me in

thanks for the SG votes too fats (and everyone else) that really blows me away that you guys think Barry is worthy!

Love you all lots, kisses,
Ne

Reiso · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 1:57 am Post subject:

NeNe wrote: ...Anything exotic, unusual or frighteningly unnecessary is available for sale...A trumpet filled fanfare rose up from the shadows and left no doubt in the minds of anyone that here was a man with his own theme song...‘Er, did you say take over the world?’ Barry asked sheepishly. ‘Back before when I first came in?’...Desdemona Doomini could taste victory already and was surprised that it resembled nothing so much as the flavour of a good Chardonnay...In typical Evil one fashion she began her conversation by divulging all of the most important secrets and plot points of her grand plan.
...and many other things.

Oh, I like her.

This is excellent material. Seriously NeNe, this had me laughing hard several times, which is saying quite a bit in light of the week I have just been through. So thank you for the very needed laugh. :laf:

The idea is classic but your voice is original. I love all the narration gags and the other self-aware bits as well, and besides, any story in which witches and Delorians exist side by side is a story worth reading, if you ask me. You may want to keep an occassional wayward eye to spelling (gipsie=gypsy), but that is such a minor thing, considering how infrequent it is. This is wonderful stuff, keep it up.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:07 am Post subject:

Reiso wrote: NeNe wrote: ...Anything exotic, unusual or frighteningly unnecessary is available for sale...A trumpet filled fanfare rose up from the shadows and left no doubt in the minds of anyone that here was a man with his own theme song...‘Er, did you say take over the world?’ Barry asked sheepishly. ‘Back before when I first came in?’...Desdemona Doomini could taste victory already and was surprised that it resembled nothing so much as the flavour of a good Chardonnay...In typical Evil one fashion she began her conversation by divulging all of the most important secrets and plot points of her grand plan.
...and many other things.

Oh, I like her.

This is excellent material. Seriously NeNe, this had me laughing hard several times, which is saying quite a bit in light of the week I have just been through. So thank you for the very needed laugh. :laf:

The idea is classic but your voice is original. I love all the narration gags and the other self-aware bits as well, and besides, any story in which witches and Delorians exist side by side is a story worth reading, if you ask me. You may want to keep an occassional wayward eye to spelling (gipsie=gypsy), but that is such a minor thing, considering how infrequent it is. This is wonderful stuff, keep it up.

Now you made me smile... THANKS a million. i appreciate the feedback Reiso - may you continue to love Barry as i do...

as for the typos... i swear sometimes those keyboard gremlins like to mess with my keys and switch them around... lol ;)

Smiles,
Ne

Fats_Masterson · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:36 am Post subject:

Would it help if i said the bag was at one time a happy bowl of petunias?

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:27 pm Post subject:

Fats_Masterson wrote: Would it help if i said the bag was at one time a happy bowl of petunias?

okay is this a Mr Adams reference?? Though they ended up being a whale falling to earth didn't they, hmmmm... :?

Fats_Masterson · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:34 pm Post subject:

Hmm, well I can't just tell you, that wouldn't be any fun. I'll give you another clue, the bag (not precisely the same bag, but one of it's possible permutations) helped a rather ordinary man learn to fly.

Oooo you guessed it, the bag is Arthur Dent's bag that he made out of one of the incarnations of the pitiful creature Agrajag, while he and Ford Prefect were trapped on pre-historic earth.

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 5:39 pm Post subject:

Well Fats i must say i am much glad to see another Adam's fan - always am really!

oh no - whats this? A couch.. where did this come from........ :shock:

Fats_Masterson · Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:57 pm Post subject:

Um..... I think it's a Chesterfield.

Chinaren · Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 4:02 am Post subject:

Nice one NeNe. :D

A thing on the floor. In the rubble. Mmm. After the tiring week I've had I'm not in much shape for good suggestions. Still, what could it be?

A valentine's card? (Maybe one of the Riddler's?)

A whoopie cushion.

A small bottle of strange liquid with - 'Drink me' written on it.

A carrot.

[/random suggestions]

Chinaren · Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 5:38 am Post subject:

Weclome to your new forum NeNe!

Please check your inbox for my PM!

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:10 pm Post subject:

YAYAYYY!!!! I ROCK!

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 5:01 pm Post subject:

polls up - have at it - i have my favourite but i won't hint - let the randomness of IF pave the way...

:lol:

Crunchyfrog · Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 3998

Finally I can see this forum! I wondered what was going on with the chapters appearing in the newest topics but not being able to look at them!

Anyway I have voted, and congratulations, Nene on winning SGOTM!

:-D

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:32 pm Post subject:

okay kidlets, another day or two of voting- dont miss out - i swear you will regret it....

Cyberworm · Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 11:52 am Post subject:

Hey NeNe, congrats for the SGotM! Sorry not to vote for you (ar anyone for that matter), it seems that I missed the event. :oops: Looks like Barry is on the right track now! Keep up the good work!

(As for SG of my own, I just read that the rent is 400 Fables :shock:. Could you please PM me if I got that wrong?)

NeverNeverGirl · Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:12 pm Post subject:

okay just a heads up i am preparign to shut the poll today soemtime so get your votes in!
:D

Serge Wolf · Joined: 23 Jan 2008 Posts: 39 Location: Texas

Oh my god that was the....*cracks up laughing* Just wow. First Harry Potter, and now 60's batman. Is nothing Sacred?!

I'm really liking how well its going. Now I bet that item is...Well I don't honestly have a clue at this point. :D