City of IF

[Chinaren]

Warning! This SGame contains unsuitable material! Adult scenes! Perversion! Violence! Torture! Disgusting stuff!
Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you are young, unlawful, lack a humorous disposition, or are otherwise unsuitable, then don’t read this SGame! If you can’t read this warning, send a PM to Chinaren detailing why you can’t read, and he will send you an abusive response.

Double warning! This chapter contains adult and rather questionable sexual content. Please be aware of this and read it with your eyes closed if you are not of the proper age etc.

Chapter 4 – Screams in the Night . .

The man looked back and smiled a tight smile. “You may call me Mr. Night,” he replied. “And I do believe that I would enjoy giving you a hard pounding. I assume you are into various perverted and unhealthy activities?”

“Oh baby, I think I love you,” said Lily, squirming about.

“If you would just let me up then, I need to say goodbye to mother.” He gestured at a large figure standing at the top of the library stairs. “Also my Armani suit is soaking up the water from the puddle I landed in.”

“Sorry honeybunch,” said Lily, climbing off him. “I’d better go and see if my friend’s alright too I guess. Be right back.”

As Mr. Night stood up and squeezed some of the water out of his clothing, Lily went over to Harley, who was staggering about in the street. As she approached, the biker fairy took another swig of her drink and fell over again. “Wooo!” she cried, from her spread eagled position in the gutter.

“Are you alright?” asked Lilith, peering down at her friend.

“Never better,” gurgled Harley. “My bikes a bit bent though. Do you know how much that cost?”

“No,” said Lily, helping her stand up.

“Ah well, neither do I, ‘cos I stole it the other day.”

“Listen,” Lily said. “I don’t think our crash was an accident, some force is guiding us. I landed on an agent of Evil.” She nodded back to Mr. Night, who was talking to his mother. “Pretty fit bod though.”

“How do you know he’s an agent of Evil?” Harley squinted through the rain at the man.

“His aura is almost pure black. I think he might be part demon, he can’t be just human with that energy reading.”

“So, what ya going to do?” Harley unscrewed her flask again.

“I’m going to go back with him, infiltrate his lair and find out what he knows,” said the witch, waggling her eyebrows.

“And bang his brains out as well I hope,” Harley said, chugging the rest of her nectar.

“Such is one’s burden in the course of duty.”

“Burden my arse.”

Lilith smiled.

>

“Mother, I need go with this female,” Lord of the Night said to Dinranwen. “I believe she’s some kind of witch. Maybe the COWs are on to me already.”

“How do you know she’s a witch?” asked Dinranwen, smearing incredibly bright red lipstick around her mouth.

“I could smell it,” said Lord. “She’s snooping around, I’m sure. I’m going to take her back to my place and interrogate her in private.”

“You mean you’re going to fuck her ‘til she’s stupid,” said his mother, putting the cosmetic back in her bag. “That’s my boy.” She pinched his chin with her finger and thumb.

Lord of the Night rolled his eyes. “Mother, please. Now, can you get home alright on your own?”

“No problem my dear, you go and work on this bitch. Have a good time.” She gave him a pat on the arm, and then trotted off down the stairs, the newly applied lipstick making her look like the incredible hulk of all Stop lights.

>

The female walked through the alley, high heels clicking on the concrete floor. Her black hair flowed down her back, apparently untouched by the drizzle still coming down in the early morning. She took a drag on her cigarette, the tip bobbing about in the gloom like a luminous insect.

Three large figures stepped out in front of her, and she stopped and sighed.

“Well well well,” said the middle shape. He was a large man, beer belly protruding prominently over leather trousers, covered only by a matching jacket. Tattoos of various kinds covered a large portion of his exposed skin, and a straggly grey beard dripped off his chin. A balding head was covered by a skull motif bandana. Behind him his two fellow thugs were dressed in the same ‘dirty biker gang’ style. One of them wielded a chain.

“It appears we have inadvertently stumbled upon a victim who has a desire for rapine,” said one of them.

The other two stopped and looked at their friend. “What did I tell you about using that language?” growled the leader.

“Er, I mean. Cor, look at the jugs on the bitch,” the second one amended.

“Better.” The first man turned and leered at the woman again, who was waiting patiently, arms crossed. “How about a bit of fun then darling? You up for the three of us eh?”

The woman, who was dressed in a long dark coat, rolled her eyes. “I don’t have time for this. Why don’t you spare yourself some pain and let me though, mmm?”

“Save us some pain! Hear that lads? She wants to save us pain!” The leader looked about, winking at his colleagues in grime. “Hey,” he said as he looked back again. “Didn’t you have dark hair a moment ago?”

“That was Never,” said the now blond woman, in a voice that was both the same and yet also different. “She’s good at some things. I’m good at others.”

“Like what?” asked the second man.

Solus smiled. “Violence mainly, if you must know.”

There was a slight paused followed by some dull wet noises and screams cut short. Several minutes later the dark hair woman stalked out of the alleyway. “Didn’t have to get blood on my coat you know,” she was muttering, apparently to herself as she disappeared into the dark.

Behind her, three bodies lay cooling on the floor. Pools of blood being slowly diluted by the falling rain.

>

Big City is what people probably call a ‘thriving metropolis’. It’s located near the bottom of the country, off to the left a bit, in a spare stretch of rather desert-like land no one had really been using. It straddles a large and polluted river not far from the sea and, despite its size, is strangely vague when it came to appearing on most maps. Still, it has a booming, if rather seedy economy, and most major firms have branches there.

The general population’s consensus is that the place was started by the underworld and, amazingly enough, this is one hundred percent correct. However, most normal people, of which there are still quite a large amount of in Big City, are missing the point, and thinking of totally the wrong kind of underworld.

Many years ago, various dark Entities, tired of having their attempts of major infiltration into cities thwarted by the forces of Good, decided to get together and set up a base of operations on Earth. Good didn’t catch on until it was too late, but then decided having Evil in one place wasn’t a bad thing after all, if you see what I mean, as they then knew where to find their enemies. As a result, Big City has a disproportionate number of both Evil and Good agents.

The relatively high concentration of magic tends to warp the general atmosphere, which accounts for some of the lack of attention from high-ups in the government. That and the fact that a lot of high-ups in the government are on the payrolls of Good or Evil or, in a lot of cases, both. Area 51 has nothing on Big City.

It rains a lot in Big City, mainly for the look of the thing. I mean it’s no good building great big high rise buildings festooned with gargoyles, and having gothic streets with 1984 style retro-architecture if it’s bright and cheerful all day long now, is it? That would be a total waste of effort.

So, let’s peer down, thought the thunderclouds, at a particularly luxurious penthouse apartment simply crying out to be zoomed in on with some flashy special affect, such is its dark and menacing appearance. Naturally it’s higher than most others, and with a great big glass window taking up a large section of one wall, so the owner can stare broodingly out of it as his enemies are dragged into his presence.

The apartment is, of course, furnished with the finest quality goods. Not that it’s flashy, but rather neat and tidy, with a restrained air of superiority. A desk, made from the rarest wood, is set to one side. On the surface is a modern computer and telephone. A black swivel chair rests behind it, facing another two still nice, but not quite so good ones on the other side. The walls are teak paneling, enough of it to have caused the destruction of quite a lot of rainforest. Still, it looks nice, and that’s what counts isn’t it? There are various pictures adorning the walls. Most of them are rare works of art by past masters, including ‘The Death of Jesus’ by Van Gogh, and ‘Bloody Mess’ by Andy Warhole*.

Still, enough of this arty stuff. We’re not really here for art, unless it’s pictures of naked large breasted women in slutty poses maybe. Let’s move along, over the panda-skin rug, to one of the doors fitted discretely into the wall. From behind it we can hear the cries of a woman. This is more like it. Let’s listen in…

“Ooooh! More! More! Yes!! YESSSS!! YESSSS! Oh god you’re good!”

Lilith twisted about on the upright rack, her tight spandex outfit showing every muscle twitch as Lord of the Night, also dressed in a tight full black body suit, laid on the cat-o-nine tales. He stopped for a moment, panting slightly from the exertion.

“Oh, don’t stop baby,” said Lily, dangling from her manacles. “I’ve got lots left in me yet.” She wiggled, causing various weights that were clipped onto certain sensitive areas of her body to sway slightly.

Lord of the Night grinned. “In a moment my dear, let me just go and get something to help us along.” He padded over to another door and went through it.

Lily looked over, and then said a Word. The restraints holding her snapped open, and she dropped to the floor. Taking care not to dislodge the attached items, she waddled over to where the man had discarded his clothes, and quickly went through his pockets. Amongst the things she found there was a list, handwritten on a piece of parchment. Her eyebrow raised as she saw what was written on it. There was a noise, and she quickly put everything back and resumed her position.

Lord of the Night came back in. In his hand he held Mephistopheles, who was wiggling his little legs excitedly. The phallus glistened slightly from a recently applied coating of lubricant.

“Oh mistress!” he exclaimed when he saw Lily. “Isn’t this the most fun?”

Mr. Night strode over and released Lily from her restraints. He guided her over to the large bed, complete with, of course, black silk sheets. Laying her down he waved Messy about. “I like your little friend here,” he said. “Now then, where can we put him? Oh yes.”

There was a wet sucking sound, and Messy’s little voice became muffled. Lily’s eyes opened wide.

“OOohhhh!” she said, and looked at Lord of the Night. “Well, That’s one orifice. What about the other one?”

The man smiled, and reached down and undid the clasps in a section of his suit, allowing his engorged organ to spring forth.

Lily’s eyes widened even further. “Holy shit!” she exclaimed as she examined the member now waving about. “What did you do? Get a transplant from a donkey or something?”

“I’m just naturally talented,” said Lord of the Night. He stepped closer, smiling wickedly, and a moment later renewed screams could be heard coming from the room…

*These works are unknown to nearly everyone. Try asking your local gallery and see.

>

“You let a witch go?”

It was day again, morning actually, and Lord of the Night was back in the library archives. Somewhere behind him the frog-like librarian was bustling about, humming to herself. He was sitting at his table, leaning back in his chair and smoking a cigar.

“Yes,” he replied. “I intend to keep an eye on her. She may lead us to others. Better the devil you know and all that. Besides, she’s great in the sack. I haven’t had so much fun since the Ripper murders.”

“Mmm, well, it’s your call of course.” Never said. She was sitting opposite him, sipping green tea from a small white cup. “So,” she said eventually. “What’s all this about? What’s this big deal you have going on that needs our help?”

Lord of the Night glanced about, leaning forward in conspiritial fashion he spoke in a low voice. “I have a major client who wishes to come Up here,” he said. “However, to do so needs an amount of preparation. Certain rare and hard to come by artifacts have to be assembled before I can begin the summoning ritual.”

“I see,” said Never. “And what are these artifacts?”

Lord pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it over to her. “There are five in all, but we only need three. Any three will do, so we have some leeway. You know certain people in the trade. I want to know where to find them.”

Never frowned as she scanned the short list. “Well, I can tell you where one is easily enough. The Sword of the Sixth Cavalier is in the Central Museum of History, right here in Big City now. It’s well guarded though. Won’t be easy to get too.”

“I’m sure you know someone who’s up to the job,” said Lord of the Night.

Never scratched her head and thought for a moment. “Well, there is one person. Let me see what I can do.” She stood up, leaving the list on the table.

Lord nodded. “Keep in touch,” he said.

>

Harley groaned on the sofa and clutched at her head. “I think I’m dead,” she said, sitting up slowly.

“Serves you right for drinking so much,” Lily said, rummaging through her suitcase. “Ah, here we go.”

“What’s that?” asked Harley.

“I saw a list in Lord of the Night’s pocket. One item was called ‘The Sword of the Sixth Cavalier.’ I think I saw something about this recently somewhere. My little friend here may be able to help.” She manhandled what looked like an oversize balloon onto the bed of her hotel room and began to pat at her pockets. “Where did I put that key?” she muttered. “Ah, here we are.”

Bending over, she inserted the key and turned it several times before removing it again and stepping back.

The thing made a noise like someone farting, and slowly inflated, rounding out into a large human sized cat figure. It was dressed in a pink and blue sleeveless silk jacket with matching pants. Yellow shoes, curled up at the toe, finished off the snazzy ensemble.

Inflation complete, it stood up and stretched, flexing claws on both hands. Slowly it looked around the room with green slitted eyes, before smoothing down its gray and white fur and turning to Lily.

“Took you long enough,” he meowed.

“Sorry,” Lily shrugged. “Been busy. Are you hungry? I can call room service for a bowl of milk or a fish or something.”

The cat creature, whose name was Fats, hissed. “I am not hungry just now. Maybe later I shall go hunting.”

“Fine,” said Lily. “First though, I want you to tell me what you know of ‘The Sword of the Sixth Cavalier’.” She stroked Fats’ ear.

“Mmmm,” purred Fats. “An ancient and highly magical sword, first wielded by the mysterious Sixth Cavalier of France. It possesses a character of its own when held in the hands of a warrior. I believe it’s currently on tour, you may well find it in the local museum, rather conveniently.”

“What a good cat,” said Lily. She sat down on the bed again. “I don’t know. If it’s in the museum the sword won’t be very easy to get to. Maybe we should go after something else I saw on the list. The things on it are obviously what he’s after.”

“Why?” asked Harley.

Lily shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Wonderful,” said Harley. She collapsed back onto the sofa. “I need a drink.”

>>>>>>

Right, I had to stop there or it would have been another 2,000 words long, and it’s nearly 3k as it is. So, sudden DP then. What’s Lily’s plan here? Go for the sword? Try for another item on the list? Something else? Let’s hear your thoughts please!

Bids now due: (Please remember to comment when you pay, so I receive notification). There would have been more, but it’ll have to be next time now!

NeNe and Solus, don’t forget payment for your sidekick!

Hero Side Fats, 150 - for the hero sidekick to be Fats Masterson the giant Maine Coon Cat

Corruption bid CF, 100Fables - The talking toy is clockwork, and deflates as it winds down. Has to be cranked back up again at intervals.

<<<<<<

[Kalanna Rai]

Perhaps a mysterious theif shows up and steals the sword before either of the interested parties get hold of it.

[Crunchyfrog]

Hmm, well she doesn't have the list with her, so if it is something else on the list, she's going to have to remember it. Maybe it is something else that will help her get to the sword.


Or, maybe a better idea, they go straight to the museum and try disguising themselves as museum attendants.

*Think Mr. Bean*

[Guest]

*sighs* Great, I'm hungover. *steals whiskey from Lordy* Ah, that's what happens when your an alcoholic *drinks down whiskey*

I do like the idea of Rai's. When Lily and Harley find out that it's been stolen, Harley suddenly feels a rivalry going on. Lordy feels the same way. Then suddenly it becomes a race between Lordy, Lily and Harley, and the mysterious theif.

[The White Blacksmith]

I think that they should both arive at the museum at the same time, then start a big fight about who got there first (with lots of cat fighting between Never/Solus and Harley or Lily). In the meanwhile, none of them actually look at the display, and it turns out they've all been misdirected.

[DELETED]

DELETED

[Fats_Masterson]

Excellent Chapter C-ren, I love the clockwork cat of wisdom. :lol:

Now, Lilith doesn't know that Lordy needs only three of the Artifacts so she needs to prevent him from getting all of them. The Sword being at the top of the list and being here in Big City means she has to go after it as well, the sooner the better. Also we shouldn't forget that Lordy has no idea she has seen the list. I say she goes after the Sword as soon as possible but I think there's a good chance she'll bump into Lordy again (and no not like that, you dirty, perverted, Ifians).

By the way Chinaren, where do we pay you?

[NeverNeverGirl]

*stands and claps* Well done sir! *claps more vigorously* Fine show!

Exactly what i would have done - give the people half of what they want and leave them begging for more... beautiful

*resumes seat* i must say i really did admire the Fats descriptives, very masterful and drew the picture perfectly.

As for the DP? what to do... well Ne/So was going to find someone she thought could 'help' with the sword.... so in actuality Lordy wont be going anywhere near the museum will he...

my idea... lily and Fats charge on down to the museum and because they are looking for lordy they don't notice the 'new help' slip in and take the sword....

Maybe you could use this point to intro a new character as well...

LOL i just had an image pop into my head of Lordy knowing lily is looking for him and having a host of bad guys converge ont he museum wearing lordy outfits... (Malkovich, Malkovich, anyone lol) distracting the good guys from whats really going on...

(am i weird? :shock: )

[Chinaren]

Thanks guys, some good ideas here.

Fats, click on my name above my avatar and click on the donate button. Don't forget to write a comment in the box, or I don't get a notification of payment.

Solus, CF, I don't have a record of payment for the Sidekick bid or the Fats corruption bids from you yet! ~Ahem~.

Don't forget to add this to your favorites if you like it! :D

[algu95]

Hmmm... I agree. Someone slips in and steals the sword. Might be the character i've bid on. Even though i have been transformed into a clown/necromancer by Keys instead of just a necromancer :shock:

I wonder how that would fit in...

[Rune]

Hey, don't underestimate the power of clowns. They can do some pretty amazing, scary and funny shi-stuff.

Betcha thought I'd say something else huhn? ;)

As if.

*resumes topic*
And add that to necromancy...if you ever saw poltergiest-the scene with the clown. Oh man. Nightmares!!!!

[Chinaren]

Well, IM has a certain bid in. Not that I want to give the game away or anything...

[algu95]

Thats... Too bad :-x

But it could still be me, or both gets a piece of this sword of the six crusaders. Lets go and kill sumone!

And Rune... I have never seen this poltergeist thingy, but scary sound, it does :shock:

No. I have not spent any company with Yoda lately.

[The White Blacksmith]

Of course, the logical move for Lily would be to alert the COW and then go after some of the other ones. She'll know Lordy is going after the Sword in Big City, so she can go after all the others and stop him getting them.

There's a saying for that. I just know it.

[The Meaning Of Fear]

As always, nicely written, Cren.

If only you had described the... *Ahem* Nevermind.

Well, the obvious thing to do would be to contact COW and get them to assign witches to each artifact, and secure it, but we can't make it THAT easy, can we?

I suggest going after the sword, then having evil and good meet at the same time, resulting in a fight, or a cheesy drama scene. :lol:

[JezSharp]

Just caught up, nice to see your sense of humour and flow is as polished as ever C'ren. The fairies should probably split, with Lily going to look for the sword (and hoping that co-incidently Lordy will be there) and Harley hunting out one of the artifacts further down the list in an effort to thwart Lordy's plans should he suceed with the sword.

[NeverNeverGirl]

heeellllooooo ppl

he sent the twins out to appropriate the sword

lets think about continuity here...

:shock:

[The White Blacksmith]

We don't like continuity. If there had to be continuity we'd never put Dps in, now would we? And then it'd be linear.

[LordoftheNight]

Don't forget, Lily might not remember every item on the list - she only had a quick glance at it afterall.

Plus, as NeNe keeps pointing out, I'm not heading to the museum myself. I have minions and paid employees to do that sort of dirty work.

[solus.serpen]

I'm in a rush so can't think of any options. I'll vote when the poll comes up though.

Rightio China, I'll go and pay now!

~Solus

[Chinaren]

Right, the poll is up.

Straddle the Mephistopheles of voting.

[The Meaning Of Fear]

chinaren wrote: Right, the poll is up.

Straddle the Mephistopheles of voting.

No thanks. I think I'll just vote. :-o

[The White Blacksmith]

Ugh. I'm not even looking at him.

[Chinaren]

Okay then, the bids are piling up in the auction house, so I'm going to start the next chapter soon. Get your votes in fast!

[Lebrenth]

I can't pass up the possibility of seeing what they come up with for disguises, so I voted there. Sorry for the tie.

It's shamelessly entertaining and educational, Ren. Very vivid (right down to the intended camera angles and effects). The author's voice is great too: cuts to the action and highlights the humor. I think it's a funnier that the characters are IFians, too. I'll have to think hard about how I will steal your ideas and warp them enough to appear original.


By the way, it's cat-o-nine tails, not cat-o-nine tales. I feel very strongly about the accurate spelling of this.

[Chinaren]

Lebrenth wrote:
By the way, it's cat-o-nine tails, not cat-o-nine tales. I feel very strongly about the accurate spelling of this.

:D Whoops! That's an interesting slip, thanks for pointing it out Lebs, and welcome to Wrath!