City of IF

[Smee]

Ok sat at work I decided I wanted to start a new Storygame. It's as optimistic as it is cruel to expect a rush of readers to return to my last one after over a year with no chapters and 19 or so to catchup/re-read.

I let my fingers start typing, and this is what appeared... lets find out where it goes together. :-o


Introduction

It was maddenly frustrating. Sej threw down the quill in disgust, ink splattering across several sheets of thin parchment spread haphazardly across the table. Youthful hands, equally ink stained, thrust through his thick brown hair as he tried to contain his irritation.

Why! Why couldn't he manage to finish one page, just one single page, without being dissatisfied and tearing it up? How many ten-a-penny authors out there could churn out book after book when someone as educated as himself couldn't finish one page!

He stood up quickly, dark eyes intent on the half-filled bottle of whiskey which sat waiting on the nearby shelf. His chair, forced back so suddenly, teetered teasingly on two legs for a second and then crashed to the floor. The shock of sound jolted Sej and he jumped unconsciously, his arms flinging outwards in fright. His flailing hand hit the small bottle of ink on his desk and he watched as it flew across the room and smashed spectacularly against the opposite wall in a spray of blue and glass.

"Oh, that's just perfect!" He exclaimed out loud to himself angrily. He waved one hand towards the wall meaninglessly as if to deny the situation ever occurred, and completed his journey to the shelf to pour himself a generous double.

The fiery spirit slid effortlessly down his throat, heating his chest with a soft warmth as he knocked back half the measure. A couple of deep breaths and he finished off the second half with a brief shudder. Dumping the glass back on the tray next to the bottle, he squinted menacingly toward his desk, and moved back towards it purposely.

He bent down to right his chair when a strange glint of light caught his eye. It came from the direction of the growing patch of dark ink spreading across the stained wooden floor. He stared at it. Like an inky pool of darkness, not a trace of a reflection from the candle-lit room could be seen with in it.

Dismissing the matter, he turned back to the chair, still feeling the burn of the whiskey in his throat and enjoying the growing numbness in his head. There it was again. Some strange flash of colour, yellow, almost gold. His eyes flicked back to the ink stain. Aside from being half again as big as before from the added ink sliding down the wall, it was just as dark and dull. What was he missing?

Shaking his head in a bid to clear his thoughts he picked up the chair and sat down in it again. Once more he faced the ranks of blank parchment in front of him. Internally he begged inspiration to come whilst a separate nagging voice instead demanded another whiskey. He blocked out the voice, determined not to finish another evening unconscious on his bed, and reached into a drawer for another bottle of ink.

Glint.

The flash was definitely gold, and maybe a hint of red? He turned again to where it came from, his eyes desperately seeking confirmation. Nothing! But then Sej saw that once again the ink stain had grown, and now it was beyond the realistic. It had only been a small bottle of ink, there shouldn't have been that much pooling on his floor! It was so still and featureless, it almost seemed to be a hole. A pitch black hole, right in his floor.

Of course that was nonsense. He was on the first floor. Such a hole would open on the dining room below, and the candles down there would still be lit. Surely he'd see the soft glow eminating from them, instead of such a thick blackness.

Glint

This time he was already staring directly at it. He'd seen the flash blink invitingly from the direct centre of the pool. Without knowing how, he found himself on hands and knees crawling toward the ink.

Glint

So pretty. Must touch it. Sej was on the edge. He reached out toward the middle, trying to get closer ready for the next flash. Further and further he leaned, his arm stretching as much as he could, his knees as close to the edge as he could get them without the risk of staining.

Glint

He stretched... and fell into blackness.

~

Chapter 1 - Falling

He was halfway to uttering a curse, wholly expecting to imminently soak his arm in ink, when his outstretched hand passed through where the floor should have been. His arm followed, the rest of his body swiftly after.

The darkness shrouded him instantly. It covered him as thickly as a blanket, allowing no glimmer of direction or location. There was no sensation of wetness, such an odd thought passing through his mind unbidden. Neither was there the feeling that he was falling either. No wind rushing past his ears, no coldness. He simply hung there, suspended by darkness.

There was no sound. He was fairly sure he was trying to scream, he thought his mouth was open. But the darkness was so thick it smothered sensations as easily as it smothered sound. The thought continued. He couldn't feel any part of his body. He was just a thought, a thought floating in the black. Would it go on forever? Had he died? Was this what the afterlife was like?

He tried to think back to what had happened. Had something killed him? He remembered his room, his office for writing. He remembered the smashed bottle of ink. He remembered the glints, the flashes of colour. Had something entered his room and killed him as he crouched on the floor?

For some reason it was difficult to think, like he had to push on the darkness to let any thought flow. The door! The door to his office was thick oak and he always locked it. No one would have been able to enter without disturbing him. It was so hard to think now. The blackness pushing harder. What had he been thinking about? His name? What was his name?

~

Sej felt his eyes opening. The light hurt, and he closed them again, wincing in pain. How could anything be so bright? Tears streamed down his face as he fought to block his vision from the agony. His hands appeared from somewhere and he managed to put them over his face, plunging himself once again into blissful darkness.

He lay there for a few minutes, breathing heavily as he recovered. Finally his mind began to work. He was lying on something hard, but not cold. Wooden he thought. What had happened? The memories came back. The ink stain, the glint. The darkness! He must be lying on his floor he decided. Lying on the hard wood floor of his office, past out from too much whiskey.

He cracked his fingers slightly apart and felt the light assault his eyes again through the thin membrane of his eyelids. Slowly he moved his hands away, allowing his eyes to adjust to the brightness. His mind screamed for the comfort of the darkness again, but he pressed on. His hands had moved away and now he parted his eyelids, ever so slightly. The pain reignited and he shut them again, waiting some few seconds. He tried again.

For over twenty minutes he carefully tried to coax his eyes into accepting the light so he could look around. Eventually he peered through tear-blurred vision at the single lone candle producing such devastating quantities of light. With a grunt he sat up and looked about. It most definitely wasn't his office. The sphere of light from the candle only pushed the darkness back a few feet in each direction. Sej felt the ground with his hand. Not wood, some kind of stone, rough like sandpaper, but warm!


Looking down to get more detail from the stone, he noticed his clothing. Gone was his elegant white shirt, and fine tunic. He was wearing some kind of leather pants, with a rough cotton shirt, so dirty it might have been any colour. His silk slippers had vanished leaving his feet bare, but strangely filthy, as if he'd spent half a day walking through heavy mud. A clunky looking dagger was attached to the left side of a thick leather belt.

A kind of panic started to grip him, and he stumbled to his feet, casting around for any kind of explanation. The candle was resting on a small barrel set on the stone floor. The light didn't give any indication how large the cave was, ending abruptly in the kind of solid darkness he could vaguely remember from the fall.

Something jostled gentle against his chest, and he looked down to see a quill fastened crudely around his neck by a piece of string. A sudden sound, a crash in the darkness behind him made him look up sharply before he could examine the quill further. A shout followed in a language Sej didn't recognise, but the tone universally announced the speaker was cursing rather vehemently.

"Oi, quick, blow out the candle or he'll see us!" A second voice lept from the darkness only a few feet away. It was strangely high pitched and squeaky, and sounded anxious.

"Quickly boy! Blow it out!" The same voice hissed in a low whisper.

[Chinaren]

:shock:

Not only does he comes back, but he starts a SGame too!

Well written start there Smee! Very nice. And intreiging* too!

Well, mmm. I'd say he was confuddled enough to do as they say. The urgency in their voice may well get through to him where the surroundings don't. Yet.

~Looks forward to the next chapter~



*However you spell that.

[Mephistopheles]

Wow, this almost makes me think that i should have read your other sg a while ago. nicely done. I guess that he can blow out the light and risk the other person within the cave being not friendly,and not visible in the dark, either, or he could draw his knife and prepare for battle while retaining the light, thereby able to see all possible opponents.

[LordoftheNight]

I don't think he's likely to blow out his only source of light that quickly, especially not after his ordeal in the dark.

Instead, I think he'd try calling out, to start a conversation with anyone else in the room.

[Argonaut]

I'd go with calling out, everyone knows it's standard procedure when you've fallen into a fantasy world to blunder around in disbelief, asking everyone how to get back to your street and wondering why they all have pointy ears :) and I'm a sucker for the classics.

[Lilith]

Hrm........

Friend or foe, that's the question.

I say he takes the candle (which I hope is in a holder of some sort so he doesn't burn himself.. or maybe he does.. hrm.. ) to prevent the others from blowing it out, however much it may hurt his eyes, and chase them down. He has questions, they have answers.

[D-Lotus]

Ok. Various errors, but altogether not a sloppy start.

Quote: He stood up quickly, dark eyes intent on the half-filled bottle of whiskey sat waiting on the nearby shelf.

Missing a 'which'.

Quote: The chair teetered teasingly on two legs for a second and then crashed to the floor. The shock of sound jolted Sej and he jumped unconsciously, his arms flinging outwards in fright. He felt the contact, instinctively knew what it was, but could no more do anything about it than he could stop the sun.

The small bottle of ink flew across the room and smashed spectacularly against the opposite wall in a spray of blue and glass.

Are we obeying the laws of gravity here? A chair totters and falls, and a bottle of ink is propulsed across the room? Also, there's no previous description of the ink bottle's location. Was it on the chair or on the table? I'm guessing it was on the chair, but you need to make the whole situation more understandable.

Quote: Definitely gold, and maybe some red. He turned to it, eyes desperately seeking confirmation. Nothing. But the colours were forgotten when Sej saw that once again the stain had grown, and now it had grown beyond the realistic.

Over here, the subject of the first two sentences is somewhat confusing. It could be either the ink stain, or the glint which is compelling the character to turn and observe it. In any case, the glint comes out of nowhere, without much explanation or transition. Although it's acceptable, personally, I would probably smooth out the transition.

Quote: A hole would lead to the dining room, and the candles down there wouldn't have burnt out yet.

This also threw me off for a couple of seconds. The candles wouldn't have burnt out, therefore there would still be light shining from the first floor. Make the connection.

Quote: He was halfway to uttering a curse, wholly expecting to be imminently soaked in ink, when his outstretched hand passed through where the floor should have been.

Halfway through uttering a curse. Also, avoid use of passive verbs, if you can. e.g- ...wholly expecting to imminently soak his arm in ink...

Quote: Silk slippers were replaced by his bare feet, looking as dirty as his shirt in the flickering light.

Were his feet visible in the flickering light, or was it his shirt? Try this: His silk slippers were replaced by his bare feet, which under the flickering light appeared as dirty as his shirt.

Or something like that, anyway. Just make sure you make the subject clear. Maybe you should just omit any unnecessary descriptions and construct a simple sentence: His silk slippers were replaced by his dirty feet. The DP was good, though. I would not blow out the candle.

Anyway, you may feel free to dismiss my corrections if you want. They may seem somewhat tough, and the story was good, anyway. :) Glad to see you back, Smee.

[Crunchyfrog]

Hmm, is there something special about the candle that it brings so much light, or is it just that his eyes had become accustomed to sheer darkness for so long?

The sphere of light does not extend far, and tapers off at the limb dramatically. The air is clean of dust, and the cave must be extremely big for the walls not to reflect back any light.

And a question - really the only fault I could pick out... How did he come to assume he was in a cave, when he can see nothing but the barrel and the ground?

Echoes from the voices and sounds around him might have given him a clue, but this was mentioned after his assumption that he was in a cave.



The intruder can probably already see him. He is within the sphere of light. (We know this because he can see his own clothing)

The squeaky voice is not, so move towards the squeaky voice, out of the light. The intruder will need light to see, and will have to reveal itself if it is to use the candle to search with.

So that's what I say, move towards the squeaky voice. :)


Apart from your entry to A Telling Tale earlier this year, this is the first chance I've had to read any of your stuff, and I found this to be an enjoyable read. It flowed beautifully and the imagery was great.

Looking forward to seeing some more!

:tu2:

[Smee]

Thanks everyone for your comments... it's nice to be back, even if it's in a fairly limited fashion compared with before.

@ Dani : Thanks for those corrections. Of course I'm not going to ignore them. I hold no illusions against my need to improve, just like anyone here. I'm just glad I seem to have finally nailed that tense issue that plagued me when I first started The Time Before.

So on to the next. It seems 'passive verbs' is going to be my next challenge. I recognise the alteration when you point it out, but just like tenses I need to spot myself making the error, and how to fix it. Something to work on. Cheers.

~

@Crunchie : It's just his eyes getting used to the light again. Although the candle is indeed not lighting as far as one might expect. The darkness is still strangely 'thick'.

The assumption of cave... it was more an assumption of the narrator than Sej, but I'd say from the warm stone floor, to the stillness of the air, cave is an easier concept to grasp than something more alien. I'll see if I can add something to it, to make it a more fair assumption. Small echo's are indeed the simplest way of doing that. Although if it's supposed to be still and calm with no wind, then I need to get rid of the 'flickering light'.

Glad you enjoyed it.

~

I will be putting up a poll towards the end of the weekend. I'm deliberately waiting a little longer than I will normally. The first chapter is important for pulling in a regular auidence when there's no catchup overhead.

Plus I need to think about this idea a bit. Unlike Time Before that had a lot of back story, not to mention an entire world and magic system already created, this I know little more than has already been said in Chapter 1. I'm not sure what sort of concept I'm aiming for at the moment.

Once we're into Chapter 2 and beyond I'm less likely to pick up new readers, so we'll move a little faster.

Very nice to have 8 comments so soon.

Happy Playing :)

[LordoftheNight]

I just reread the story, with the edits you made. I don't know - I thought beforehand that the almost unexplained bits actually added to the story - made it kinda surreal, while still letting you know what was going on. Now it seems clearer, but I wouldn't necessarily say that was a good thing.

[Whisperer]

Im going to take the opportunity of getting into this story from the first chapter.

I agree with Crunchy, go towards the voice, when you don't know where you are it is always good to find yourself an ally that may know what you are up against.

I did have the same question about the cave, but you have cleared that up. I thought I had missed something in the story.

[Rune]

Smee wrote...
Quote:
The chair teetered teasingly on two legs for a second and then crashed to the floor. The shock of sound jolted Sej and he jumped unconsciously, his arms flinging outwards in fright. He felt the contact, instinctively knew what it was, but could no more do anything about it than he could stop the sun.

The small bottle of ink flew across the room and smashed spectacularly against the opposite wall in a spray of blue and glass.

And D-Lotus said...
Quote:
Are we obeying the laws of gravity here? A chair totters and falls, and a bottle of ink is propulsed across the room? Also, there's no previous description of the ink bottle's location. Was it on the chair or on the table? I'm guessing it was on the chair, but you need to make the whole situation more understandable.


I say- Gravity obeyed.
If the reader found a need to have the ink bottles location described then why not the chair as well? Unless it was necessary to point out the ink bottles location, then I doubt anyone was assuming the bottle was located on a bed, ceiling, birdcage or windowsill as these things would have been mentioned in the general description and therefor had some effect on the events in the story or our understanding of the character (ie, he'd be sitting at the windowsill trying to write-making him appear odd or curious and as that is not commonplace noting the ink bottle being placed there is a feasible point then).

It looks to me as though unnecessary description of commonsense things is being requested and here is what it would look like (though I exaggerate):

His chair was on the floor and he sat, with his butt, in the chair and placed the ink bottle at the desk on it's top near the left side. Finally, he got bored and stood with his feet on the floor and headed to the door which was located on a wall in the room which happened to have four walls and not the unexpected five or six. Later, he returned to the room by walking on his feet on a floor and reached into his pocket on his pants on the left side (since his pants had a right side pocket and two backside pockets) and got out his keys (to his apartment and not his car, or motorcycle or girlfriend/boyfriends house). He then unlocked the door using the keys he had just pulled from the previously described pants which he happened to be wearing as these were not pants he was carrying with him. Using the keys, he placed them into the keyhole located on his apartment door and opened it (it being the door and not the keyhole). He then walked into the room of his apartment using his legs and feet and closed the door that he had just opened using his left hand. Then turning around 180 degrees from the position of facing the door he went to lay on his bed located in the corner of the room opposite the door which he had just unlocked, opened, closed and now was walking away from. He pulled the covers (covers which had been placed on the previously mentioned bed at an earlier date by him) over his own body and closed his very own eyes of which he had two so he closed just two.

My point?
He's sitting at his desk. He's sitting in his chair. His ink bottle is logically at his desk. There are your abc's.
I doubt Smee is just trying to increase his word count so there is little need for him to explain what we should already know or be able to figure out.


Smee wrote...
Quote:
Silk slippers were replaced by his bare feet, looking as dirty as his shirt in the flickering light.


And D Lotus said...
Quote:
Were his feet visible in the flickering light, or was it his shirt? Try this: His silk slippers were replaced by his bare feet, which under the flickering light appeared as dirty as his shirt.

Or something like that, anyway. Just make sure you make the subject clear.

And here is what I have to say...
Smee tells us that the silk slippers had been replaced by bare feet which were (the feet) looking as dirty as his shirt (we can assume was being worn) in the flickering light. So we know that there is light and that through the use of the word 'look' that the audience or character are therefor able to see these things. It is not an exclusively omniscient observation.

So in answer to your question (unless I am wrong) both his feet and shirt are clearly stated as being visible. Changing the sentence just to make it so that the reader thinks less may or may not do the story any justice and may not help the authors style. There is a time to be overtly clear and a time where a writer is free to just write. I think this is one of those times where being overtly clear would be both insulting to the readers intelligence and wasteful of the authors time and effort.

And the subject was clear. Slippers were replaced by bare feet and the shirt was a reference for the subject. He compared the feet to the shirt. The use of the comma followed by a definite subject is generally a good indicator. Not always the case (English can be tricky) but this was a pretty cut and dry one. There are a lot of superior and more easily typed sentences that could be used if trying to make the shirt the main subject of the sentence.


Smee- Don't change those things. Please. If we are applying the energy to read the words you write, then we can apply the energy to think about what is being read through use of common sense or use of a few additional brain cells.

I found the story modestly interesting and figure that I'll see what happens next. I think I might possibly like your style. I could say more bu will reserve that potential comment for a later date if prudent.

As to everyone assuming the character is afraid of the darkness, I thought it was pretty obvious at this point that that could not be further from the truth.

He's more than happy to snuff out that candle and his eyes are adjusted to the light so that he can see. If he could, I am fairly sure he'd shut them again. Several lines in the story even point to it pretty clearly. My guess is that the character can probably see in the dark even but due to our author having kept the protagonists eyes shut during the recent darkness, we 'technically' don't know that.

Also- sorry if I am spoiling anything Smee. Lotus' comments riled up my brain (I can't stand the whole 'please explain everything in excessive detail' stuff-no offense D) so I'm using it a little bit.

DP? Candle snuffed out. See what happens next. ;)

[Masterweaver]

I'd say throw the candle at the voice to set the speaker on fire. You're pretty confused as it is, why not kill a man? Great chappy!

[D-Lotus]

Rune, this is why I reminded everyone that Smee was free to ignore whatever I wrote. I knew someone was going to react in the way you did; somebody always does when I offer tough critiques.

Just take it or leave it.

But all the books about writing I've read, such as Sin and Sintax, or Words Fail Me, plead for clarity within writing. The fact that I, the reader, was puzzled by a certain order of events, or by subject use, or by anything else means that there exists a possibility that perhaps there was a confusing passage after all (hypothetically, of course, because I could be a brainless monkey who can't understand the most simple sentences).

Quote: I think this is one of those times where being overtly clear would be both insulting to the readers intelligence and wasteful of the authors time and effort.

I don't mean for Smee to sacrifice everything for the sake of clarity either.

Rune, although it is true that we don't want to clutter up our writing with unnecessary words, that's not what I'm asking for here. All I've said is that there were certain parts where the story jumped a little bit awkwardly. Sure, I can figure out the meaning, but that doesn't mean Smee shouldn't make his writing better. As he has done, actually. I like the corrections, Smee, and I think it makes things much clearer.

As Smee has now demonstrated, you can be clear and fabricate a good sentence nonetheless.

[Key]

Good to see you authoring again, Smee. :D

I say blow out the candle. The intruder sounds more threatening than the squeaky voice.

[Smee]

Polls up folks :)

[Smee]

I'll be looking to write the next chapter tomorrow (Tuesday is my non-raid evening in WarCrack) so get those last few votes in.

There's at least 2 people that've commented but not voted, so the result can still change, and 10 voters is such a nice round number. ;)

Happy Playing :D

[Smee]

Oooh... Twelve delicious voters. Thanks very much guys 'n' gals, a lovely welcome back. :-D

His royal highness, the King, was too busy painting the town.. erm green last night, so sadly with such a sore head this morning he didn't get round to voting. However, his highlighted choice wouldn't have changed the outcome of the vote, so the chosen option is...

"Leave the candle, but move into the dark (toward the squeaky voice)?" With 6 votes.

For completeness...

"Blow out the candle." Received 4 votes.
"Leave the candle and try to speak to the intruder." Received 2 votes

~

Next chapter on its way.

*ponders*

[Kalanna Rai]

Awww...missed the vote.

Oh well I await the second installment.

[Smee]

Chapter 2 : A light escape.

Blow out the candle? No, that wasn't something Sej was going to do. His confused mind was still sure of one thing. There was light once again after the darkness, and he didn't intend losing it any time soon.

But the cursing voice in the distance and the agitation from the nearby voice worried him too. He needed time to think, needed some quiet. Needed a drink! Without any of those luxuries he finally realised he had to do something. The squeaky voice was right about one thing. He didn't want to be seen by the cursing man.

"Where are you?" He whispered toward the darkness. His few seconds of thinking had caused him to lose the direction the voice had come from.

"What! Never mind where I am. Blow that candle out, he's almost here. You want us both killed!"

That was all Sej needed. Crouching slightly, carefully aware as soon as he entered the darkness there could be rocks to trip over, he moved swiftly across the pool of light and plunged into the darkness where he'd heard the voice.

"What are you doing!" Despite still being a whisper, the pitch had risen to such a degree it seemed to be a shout. "Get back out there."

Sej cast about blindly in the darkness, trying to home in on the voice with his ears. It seemed to be coming from surprisingly low to the ground. "I need the light. I'm not blowing it out." He said stubbornly into the darkness. His outstretched hand touched something soft, furry for the briefest second before it pulled away.

The next sound could have been a deep sigh. It was followed swiftly by a hissed, "you fool." Sej distinctly heard the patter of retreating feet and knew he'd be left alone. "Wait!" He called out in an urgent whisper, but only silence replied.

Alone in the dark, panic reached out to him again, desperate to offer him its comfort. Sej shook his head, denying it, denying his fear.

He looked around, found the pool of light with the small flame and focused on it. He was about twenty feet away, but he let the tiny light fill his eyes, absorbing all he could like a dying man in a desert slaking his thirst from some isolated oasis.

"Ka BROKLZ DUZ!"

The venomous shout broke through the trance-like concentration Sej had fallen in to. It was considerably closer than before. Sure enough, just seconds later he saw a figure emerge into the puddle of light ahead. First glance made him gasp in horror, some instinct causing him to clamp a hand over his mouth before the sound could escape.

The figure was definitely man-like, but larger and also distinctly reptilian. A pale, white face with large orb-like eyes and a flat nose, gave way to a green-scaled neck. The jaw was slightly extended, but not enough to be considered out of place on a normal human. From the neck, the scales continued uninterrupted down a broad muscular chest, completely covering shoulders, and arms. Strangely beautiful in the light, they flashed through a thousand shades of opalescent blues and greens as they moved.

Plainly human hands and fingers, as pale as the face, seemed oddly attached to the shimmering body. But the rest of the body was considerably removed from humanity. The scales continued down from the chest, covering strangely jointed legs and protruding in a long tail that shifted from left to right with a fluidity of movement that spoke of muscular control. Arched and clawed feet completed the violent looking horror standing so close.

In those disturbingly human hands it carried a large metallic item awkwardly by opposite corners. One edge looked decidedly dented. That would explain the crashing sound, Sej thought to himself. Dropping that thing would definitely make a lot of noise, and considering how protective the creature was of it, clutching it so tightly, likely justified the cursing.

The creature moved directly into the middle of the light, and placed its cargo down carefully, graceful with its movement. It then bent down to the ground and sniffed.

Sej's eyes widened as he realised what it was doing. A horrific chill went rushing down his spine. Could it smell him? It suddenly opened its mouth, smacking its lips as if tasting the air. Sej's nightmare continued as he saw twin rows of teeth that wouldn't look out of place on a shark.

The lizard-man continued sniffing and tasting the air, moving right up to the candle to sniff at its base. Panic slightly lessened its grip on Sej. He'd only been lying there moments ago. Surely if it could actually smell him, it'd have had some trace by now. He began silently willing the creature to go away, wanting only to have the freedom to go back and savour being in the light.

Seemingly satisfied, the creature picked up its cargo once again and turned to go back out the way it'd come. A gently sigh of relief escaped Sej's lips.

The lizard-man stopped instantly, and its head swung around to stare at the darkness, directly toward Sej. He held his breath whilst staring into those large inky eyes, holding his body statue-like. After a few seconds that felt like hours the creature seemed to dismiss the sound and continued on, out of the light and vanished.

For several more minutes, Sej stayed still. Breathing as lightly as he could and straining to here anything that might announce a sudden ambush. He desperately wanted to move directly to the candle, snatch it up and explore his surrounding with light. But some inner voice warned him off.

As carefully as he could, he started edging sideways through the dark. Feeling carefully ahead of him with his bare feet, he slowly moved in a wide circle around the candle. Not a single rock, or even a pebble. The warm floor was as swept smooth as any kitchen floor. His arms stretched out to either side groped for any sensation of a wall, but found only more darkness. There was simply nothing.

Eventually he arrived back to where he'd started. No sound had betrayed anything waiting for him in the dark. Just as he'd decided it was finally safe to go back to the candle, and had taken a first crouching step towards the light, the familiar squeaky voice filled his ears from right beside him.

"Don't. Move. An. Inch!" It whispered harshly.

He stopped, his heart racing. How had it snuck up on him like that?

"Everything down here can move silently if they want to," it answered, as if reading his mind. "Including the green beast you just saw."

Sej gulped anxiously.

"Yes, scared is good. It's still out there you know. It's far more intelligent than you realise. It picked up your scent and is waiting for you to go to the light. It knows you will."

Sej tried to shake his head, but couldn't find his voice to go with it. The squeaky voice continued.

"You think your clumsy patrol proved anything, except just how much noise you can make? If the beast hadn't been waiting for you to go into the light, I'm sure it would have been laughing at you."

Sej found his voice, a harsh whisper.

"So what's it doing now, and why have you come back?"

"Despite appearances it doesn't hear too well in the dark, it can't hear us now. It relies more on sight and smell."

A brief pause, a silence. Sej got the strange impression he was being scrutinised by the strange thing next to him.

"You have doubts. You think Morhem is lying to you. I will prove it then. Wait here. Crouch down. Don't move. Watch the light"

Before he could say anything, the feeling of the presence near him faded and Sej knew that ...Morhem had moved away. He lowered himself slowly, carefully to the ground. He settled down, hugging his legs to himself, and making himself as small as possible. His head rested on the top of his knees and he stared silently toward the candle.

Without warning a rock sailed out of nowhere and landed in the middle of the lit area with a crash. Before it had even come to a rest, a flash of green flew out of the darkness after it, pouncing on it viciously. Sej had barely taken a breath before the Lizard-man's voice was cursing again, the air rent by its frustrations.

"Time to get out of here." Morhem's voice appeared behind him again, the softest of whispers.

Sej didn't move, eyes fixed on the angry beast in front of him. The creature swung round in its rage, and the tail caught the barrel the candle rested on. In Sej's eyes it seemed to topple over for an hour, slowly, slowly. As it fell, the candle slid to the edge and also fell. As it touched the floor time sped up again, the light winked out and the darkness consumed everything.

Sej felt a furry hand grasp his own and start to pull at him. "Come, quickly. We'll be safe in the tunnel." He let himself be dragged, feeling some trust in the strange companion, but also too numb to think for himself right then. Being told what to do suited him just fine for now. He winced as he recalled how close to going back into the light he'd been. How close to death.

"Faster," came the voice, no longer a whisper, but a plea. "It's coming."

With those words, Sej felt the adrenaline pour into his veins and his mind cleared. He started running, terrified that it was blindly into nothing, but irreversibly relying on the guidance of the creature that called itself Morhem.

Any reluctance he had to running in the dark evaporated a few seconds later when a guttural growl echoed behind him.

"How... much... further?" He managed to gasp. No answer, but he felt the hand holding his own suddenly stop, and he stumbled to a halt himself, visions of running into a wall of rock filling his mind. He held out his other arm, and with some shock felt the rough edge of a wall just half a foot in front of him.

The growl echoed just behind again. "Get down on your hands and knees." Morhem yelled. "The opening is just in front of you."

Sej did as he was told, dropping down and reaching forward. Indeed, where higher up he'd felt wall, there was an opening at this level. He wasted no time and crawled forward. It was a tight squeeze. Almost immediately he felt his shoulders scrape along the edges. He dropped down, more on to his stomach, and pulled himself in as fast as he could.

He heard Morhem follow behind, making strange little noises that somehow made Sej realise how scared it was. Why had it helped him if it was so scared? It was immediately apparent the large lizard-man would have no chance of fitting down so small a tunnel. Why leave its safety for a stranger like him?

"Keep moving!" There was undisguised terror in Morhem's voice. Sej realised with a jerk he'd stopped, and quickly continued the awkward belly-crawl. After a few more minutes Morhem called out for them to halt.

"We're safe now. You can take a moment to get your breathe back."

Sej did just that, lying on the smooth rock floor, breathing deeply. He heard a strange scratching sound behind, from Morhem, but ignored it.

The scratching stopped and then Sej heard Morhem whisper again. "Sleeeep."

~

He woke up to a strange tugging about his neck. He was lying on something soft and warm. His own bed! It was all a dream! His mind rejoiced.

The tugging continued, and he opened his eyes. A small creature, a bizarre cross between a cat and a hedgehog but about 3ft in length, was sat on his chest, tugging intently on something tied around his neck.

"Gimmie it, gimmie shiny pen." The voice was high pitched, and girly. Memories of his flight through the dark tunnel, of Morhem flooded back. It wasn't a dream he realised with a dejected slump, but the yanking at his neck distracted him. Before he could do anything, another figure appeared beside him. It was taller, but otherwise the same. It cuffed the thing on his chest.

"Let go Pollir, that's not yours. Go see your Mother."

Pollir appeared to sulk, but said nothing and reluctantly let go and clambered off Sej's chest.

"Sorry about that," Morhem said. "Always such an inquisitive child." He said fondly.

"Mor..Morhem?" Sej managed to say.

"Yes, it's me, my friend. Glad to see you awake. I was afraid I'd knocked you out too hard back in the tunnel, but you'd gone through enough."

"What did, did you do to me?" Sej stammered, still groggy from waking.

Morhem waved a hand in dismissal. "Nothing much, just a small sleep spell. I'm no mage."

Sej looked at Morhem. He was very similar to what seemed to be his daughter. Cat-like features, but with a fan of sharp quills on his head, where hair would normally be. He was about 4 ft tall, and covered with dark fur.

"What are you?"

Morhem looked put out for a second. "Well I could ask the same of you. Whatever your species, clearly you're no use in the dark, that's for sure. I'm a Katoraz... "

Sej interrupted him.

"A what? That's just fairytale. Where am I? What is going on?" Without the immediate fear of the dark, or the Lizard creature, a lot of oddities were beginning to demand attention in his mind. "How'd I get here? Where's my home?"

"Su..su..sush, calm yourself. You're quiet safe here." Morhem said softly. "But I have no answers for you. I simply discovered you back in the Longblack, by your candle, whilst I was hunting."

"But, I fell, through the hole. I was writing, but the hole, it appeared." Sej's voice was loud and anxious as he rambled.

Again came the brief scratching sound, and again Morhem whispered "Sleep".

~

It was a pleasant dream. Everything was white. Bright and light and warm. Sej floated through it, relaxed and peaceful. He heard voices, distant and distorted. He thought he recognised one. A strange friend who'd saved him from death. What were they saying? So difficult to make out.

He drifted closer. Moving but not moving in the vast empty white. A pinprick of black appeared in the distance. It grew bigger as he moved closer. He could hear the voices louder now. He wanted to hear them, but the black was getting bigger. It was the darkness again. He didn't want to go there. Why couldn't he stop moving?

"We can't keep him here!"

"It's only for a little while. Something strange has happened to him, he needs the rest."

"Look at the size of him, Morhem! We can't feed something that big, we have our children to think of, and food is only getting scarcer in the Longblack."

"But aren't you curious where he came from? Look at his strange pale skin. The strange, small patches of hair."

The black continued to grow in his vision, all but filling his view as he rushed closer. He tried to pull back.

"The only thing I'm curious about is where our next meal is coming from. I leave other such pointless wonderings to The Watcher."

"The Watcher... honey, you're a genius. The Watcher. He'll have answers."

"Oh no, no, no. Morhem, you're not leaving me here with the children to go trekking across half the world just to satisfy your curiosity."

"Two less mouths to feed, sweetness."

"And one less to collect the food. No, I forbid it."

The blackness filled his vision, and unavoidably he plunged through it.

"Ooh, he's awake. We'll let him decide."

As Sej blundered into consciousness, he just heard the distinctly unimpressed huff as the second figure turned and walked away. Slowly Morhem’s face came back into focus.

"I hope you are feeling calmer now. Exciting news. I think I know where we can get you some answers!"

~

Ok – a rather longer chapter than I wanted, but can’t be helped.

So, some slight waking up to do aside, will you set off with Morhem to see The Watcher?

Or will you strike out on your own, try and find your own answers?

Or something else?

Happy Playing :)

[Chinaren]

Huzzah, another chapter already!

Quote: A pale, white face with large orb-like eyes and a flat nose, gave way to a green-scaled neck.

LOL! I was thinking Crunchy had even invaded your chapter for a moment there!

Quote: "Despite appearances it doesn't hear too well in the dark,

But it hears okay in the light? ;)

DP: Mmm. I'd feel unfair taking someone who hunts for food away from his family. Maybe he could offer to help get a stockpile of food and then ask his new chum to come along?

Nice chapter Smee! :D

[Smee]

Chinaren wrote: Quote: "Despite appearances it doesn't hear too well in the dark,

But it hears okay in the light? ;)

Haha ... ;)

[Head Eater]

I am impresssed. Thisss hasss been promoted.

- Your gracioussss Head Eater.

[Masterweaver]

First interogate Morhem as to the nature of the world you have stumbled into. Then figure out what you want to do. Great chappy!

[Whisperer]

Smee wrote:

"Su..su..sush, calm yourself. You're quiet safe here." Morhem said softly.


Just a typo. Well the way I read it, it is a typo.

I think before setting off anywhere with Morhem he would want to find out more about where he is.

[Crunchyfrog]

Morhem has magic that he can perform over him. I get the feeling that Morhem may cast the sleep spell if he gets too stroppy.

The quill in the first chapter - the one around his neck - I get the impression it was not there in his homeworld, and is part of his new attire. Also his feet are really dirty as if he'd been walking through mud, which suggests he's come through some adventure without knowing it. Perhaps the quill is something to do with that?

Ask Morhem about the quill.

[DELETED]

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[Smee]

From the first chapter ...

Quote: ...The sphere of light from the candle only pushed the darkness back a few feet in each direction....

...The candle was resting on a small barrel set on the stone floor....

Thought it was fairly clear it was sat in a small puddle of light, surrounded by the darkness?

~

Thanks for your comments guys.

[Rune]

Z, you've been getting confused over several things lately. Are you sure it's not just you? ^_^ I had no trouble following any of it at all. But then, I could just be insane, reading an insane piece of work. Who knows. Seemed fine to me.

[Mephistopheles]

well written, though lengthy too. but you already apologized for that, so you are forgiven. anyways, everyone has come up with some great thoughts already. So, why doesn't he set off on his own, and then, guilt can force Morhem's wife to send Morhem after, to assist and guide Sej, possibly saving his life again from some unknown fiend?

[Rune]

What the heck? Who the heck are you and what have you done with Mephy?

[Smee]

Last call for Poll ideas... a poll will go up likely tomorrow morning, and then close Tuesday Morning (UK time) for me to write the next chapter.

So far we have thoughts along the lines of:

- Offer to help stockpile some food, before going with Morhem.

- Find out more about where he is.

- Ask about the quill

Although none of them are mutually exclusive - the decision point would be Sej's main priority. The other ideas may come up, but won't be persued too energetically.

[DELETED]

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[Masterweaver]

Since I knoow we're all thinking it...

MURDER THAT MONSTEROUS MORHEM!

Ooo, alliteration. Anyways, the world's changed so much that our hero might just jump off the deep end. Just saying that to get post-halloween bloodlust out.

[Smee]

Quote: I thought the story was great and I’ve always enjoyed Smee’s works. I guess I figured that went without saying

You won't hear me complaining if you do say it ;)