City of IF

[NeverNeverGirl]

Chapter 7... Remember the pocket?

As we ascend the stairs, the discordant sounds of a bard echo up behind us. Catching only the refrain we leave it behind as the entire Greedy Goose Inn chimes in on the last raucous lines, the voice of one Nadger Bumfluff clearly discernible over the others, his brogue twanging out in tuneless time to the music.

I opened my window and looked at the sky,
a pretty birdy came flitting by,
the little brown wren he shit in my eye,
yet i did not laugh and did not cry,
i thanked the sweet heavens -
that cows cannot fly!

The corridor grows darker and as we enter the second door on the right to linger outside the knotted oak of the bedroom door. Inside we shall see that all that is visible is flailing limbs and a tangle of sheets. Once again Bartrix Devinous has successfully... *pause* oh ah, wait a moment, whats all this then? Silence? There seems to be a distinct lack of orgasmic delight reverberating through the door... oh I say! In all my years I never thought that... I need to ring my therapist...


Barry sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands and an expression of bewilderment, befuddlement and any other b-ment you can think of upon his pale face.

‘I swear, this has NEVER happened before.’

A buxom wench was moving around the room gathering up garments strewn without care in the heat of passion. Her long blonde curls were messed up and her cheeks flushed though not enough to indicate debauchery had occurred, more along the lines of illustrating a heightened libido that has been thwarted before its peak. Turning angry hazel eyes towards Bartrix she quickly began to slip her clothing back on suddenly, taking in his dispondent state, her eyes softened a little and she spoke gently.

‘Yeah, well.. its okay, some men just can’t... sometimes they....’

Bartrix jumped up off the edge of the bed like a rocket. Indignation written on every line of his face.

‘Do you know who I am? I am no MAN, I am a HERO! Bartrix Devinous! Son of the great..’

Placing her hand on his shoulder she softly kissed his forehead in a motherly gesture of affection, effectivly cutting off his tirade. Not at all the usual lacivious breathy passionate coup de grace that Barry was used to.

‘Barry, its okay, I was pretty tired anyways...’ and with that she left.

As the door closed with a soft thud behind her Barry threw himself back on the bed and had himself a petulant moment.



A short while later Barry descended into the tavern. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs he drew himself together and tried to assume the look of a man whom lust had had her way with. Cocking his head to one side and affecting a swagger he entered the bar room.

A low fire burned in the hearth and the Innkeep was wiping down benches and muttering quietly to himself about inaudible things. The place was pretty much deserted except for Nadger, lying in a drunken heap on the floor next to the equally wasted Bard who was strumming his lyre cacophonously, and Evan sitting on a stool at the bar waiting patiently for the others to finish their carousing.

Evan seemed to eye Barry knowingly. Barry at once he drew himself upright and swaggered towards him.

‘Hey hey Evan... that was a mighty fine peice of tail that one! Boom Boom i blew her mind - i can tell you! What a peice of ass – what do they put in the water around here to grow ‘em like that! Man, that Kate, no Jess, no um what was her name? Blonde hair, big ol’ melons, eyes and hands and stuff... ‘ Barry finished blustering and grabbed up Evans drink, swallowing it down quickly. With an exaggerated air he slammed it back on the bench.

‘Daphne. Her name is Daphne.’ Evan spoke quietly and looked at Barry with timid eyes.

‘Whoa-ho! Been slidin’ between the sheets with her yourself, hey? Seen that in action more times than most, right Big Fella?’ Barry winked lewdly at Evan and made a few disgusting grunting noises for good measure.

‘Um, shes my sister.’ Evan pushed his spectacles back onto his nose with one finger and sniffed.

Barry inwardly flinched.

‘Innkeep! Some more ale this way and make it a biggun! I have a thirst! ‘ Barry spun around to face the recumbent Nadger who was leaning propped up against the Bard. Grabbing the Shag by the shoulder he shook him vigourously until the bulging eyes in the ugly face opened slightly.

‘Ach Lad, whart do yegh be wanting? Carn’t yeh see ahm treeing tah sleep!’ Nadgers thick accent had become even more prounounced with his intoxication and Barry could barely follow the words spilling from his mouth.

‘Narght all o’ arsh arv been leeing arhound in behd ye ken?’

Barry smiled a big toothy grin at Nadger, having no clue what had just been said to him and chose to not bother try and understand. After all there was work to be done here!

‘Nadger rustle me up some grub! I’ve a hankering after that spankering!’ Even Barry himself flinched after that show of bravado and he plonked himself down on a bench.

The innkeep rushed over to Barry with a trencher of stew and a fresh (well at least almost fresh) ale. He was portly in stature and had a ruddy red nose that looked as though it had been broken a time or two. His wide muscular shoulders, shiny pate and saggy belly only further confirmed Barry’s suspicions and as he sat striving to finish his current moutful and ask the question on his lips, the doors and windows suddenly exploded inwards.

In what can only be described as a instinctual reacton Barry managed to backflip over the table and into a defensive stance as four black clad figures landed just where he had been seated. They were also weilding an impressive array of weaponery. Barry quickly noted an obsidian blade, jade dagger blessed by the preist of the Downward god himself, a crossbow and shurikens.

Each had a face painted matt black and decorated with garishly bright neon colours. One had a neon green skull painted on its face, with black as night circles around his eyes, another had neon pink crosses over both eyes and a third had a hedonistic electric blue smile. Black ninja-like jumpsuits, red bandanna’s and carved bone earrings completed the ensembles. The effect was one of a heinous crime against fashion – not to mention kind of horrifying.

‘Its the UltraBad’s!’ The Innkeeps’ horrified cry rang through the bar as the man himself scampered through the back exit.

Nadger lurched to his feet with surprising agility and took a offensive stance beside Barry. Drawing his broadsword Barry felt his body surge with power, the room seemed to pause for a moment as everyone took in its impressive girth. It was as tall as Barry himself and the light shone off the oversized red ruby in its hilt, the pommel itself carved to resemble a glowering eye. The blade shone with the an internal light and the ancient runes inscribed down its length* burnt with a feirce luminosity, causing the neon assailants to cringe and wonder where the heck he had pulled its length from.

‘So you wanna dance?’ Barry smiled sarcastically. He nodded towards the Bard and with a glint of roguery in his eye, winked.

Just feeling SO up for this right now, Barry thought to himself. Nothing helps a man forget his little, uh, weaknesses like a good blood-letting! Today really has been a most interesting day.

The Bard, from his position under a table, took up his lyre and started to play a jaunty fighting tune. After a stanza or two had been played and no one had taken a stab at him, he extracted himself from under the table and perched on top of it. Singing at the top of his drunken lungs the Bard left forth an espousal on the virtues of the ‘Mighty Heroes Gone Afore Ye.’

The three UltraBaddies charged, actually it was more a kinda of backflipping run thing from the guy with the skull face, towards the duo.

Nadger let out a battle cry and drew his mighty double headed Death Axe. The three assassins dropped to the floor suddenly, with the dull thump of dead weight, they looked at Barry with hazy eyes and confusion.

Nadgers primal scream trailed away into a ‘huh?’ and Barry looked up in time to notice Evan move forward from the shadows, stowing away into a pocket what looked to be a blowpipe.

‘The blood of a Milla-minx fairy when combined with the liquid sap of the Arfana tree, is capable of..’ Evan indicated the paralysed trio with a gesture of his hand.

With a sudden quick movement the three jumped to their feet and disappeared out the Inn windows into the night.

‘Though it does wear off rather quickly and is only good in either a surprise attack or combined with binding.’

Barry nodded sagely at Evan, in awe of the boy’s knowledge and the surprising steel in his eyes. Surveying the Inn, with its amazing lack of damage from the coitus interuptus of the impending fight.

‘Alright troop, lets get some Z time, shall we? We still need to find out who it is thats out to get me this time...’

As Barry dismissed the others a frightening knowledge dawned upon him.

Two men in my party? Barry thought to himself, I need at least two more to make this a troop worth noting.

What would his fellow Worthy Rabbits think if the news ever got back to them?

With that fan club thing it just might too. Barry sighed. I must find some more fellows to add to this Merry Band. I just have to figure out how....



*Property of Bartix Devinous. If found please return to 15 Hero Way, Alandria.

[NeverNeverGirl]

BTW if anyone can whip me up an impressive pic of the Ultra's i would pay for it!

[Syranore]

Nice. If he is looking for people, then check the taverns, mercenary camps, dark forests laced with raw plot,ect. Will vote.

[Cyberworm]

Go Ne! Back in action! :rock:

So, I say he scrambles the tavern for anyone he can recruit and then look for some more people along the way. This gives a chance to recruit a woman in his gang, which would be hilarious, especially if they recruit Daphne... :grin:

[Chinaren]

You are seriously missing a hot chick, who should either be an assassin or a mage. :D

Of course, said chick would stumble over them, by 'coincidence', and initially fight Barry to a near standstill, and thus develop the old 'love-hate' thing.

There, practically written the next chapter for you. ;)

[Crunchyfrog]

Quote: Drawing his broadsword Barry felt his body surge with power, the room seemed to pause for a moment as everyone took in its impressive girth.

No matter how you try to interpret this, it's hilarious! And the opening song lyrics were priceless. :D

Er, we have a continuity blooper with the number of ultrabaddies - Four crashed in through the window, and then suddenly there were three.


I'm tempted to suggest recruiting from Evan's mob of sad Barry fanatics, but I think they might steal Evan's thunder in his ability to steal Barry's. :D

Maybe the drunken bard would be a good hire, though. Every superhero needs some appropriate music to fight to!

:D

[NeverNeverGirl]

Hey kids! VOte on the new poll for Barry! i have some great ideas for the next chapter and cant wait to get writing!

[Crunchyfrog]

Woooo, double and triple options there! You might want to delete and resubmit that poll! Did you notice anything weird when youentered it?

*trying to identify poll bug*

Cheers
CF

[NeverNeverGirl]

nothing at all. stupid poll.

*mutters grumbles and overall pouts*

[DELETED]

DELETED

[NeverNeverGirl]

hey Zephyr! i am praying that option wins..

thanks for the feedback too - it wasn't a chapter that flowed well for me so i am glad its gotten across okay.

Please vote on the idol chapter kids!

[NeverNeverGirl]

alright i got a tie between search nearby and IDOL.
(thank god!)

So i am off into the night to write the next chapter!

[NeverNeverGirl]

Can someone MAGICAL please check my poll and cast a vote or something - its double hay-wire with the number of votes, the actual votes and the names list all being diff numbers???

Help the Ne..

[Lilith]

Ne, *scratches head* looks like you'll need to delete it and run it again.. cause that looks like it's beyond repair, dear. Or else pull a Smee and run the poll in a diff thread.... might get you a better vote too.

[Fats_Masterson]

Wow great Chappy NeNe!

I forgot how much I liked this story. Couple of suggestions though,

1) matt black, I believe should be matte black

2) Hehe, oops I voted for the hot chick, I guess that doesn't help. If it wins though, please, please, please give her a brain. Something like the Princess or White Mage á la Final Fantasy 8-bit theatre.

Other than that, great chapter!

[NeverNeverGirl]

Somehow Hot chick won! WHy do you ALWAYS vote HOT CHICK!

*takes it as a compliment she knows how to write hot chicks*

alright let me get some thinking happening...