City of IF

[Idea master]

Yes, another story! Though by all rights, this one should be in the 'Tales of IF' forum, as it will involve IFians.

A Return to IF - Chapter one
In which an old experiment awaits our hero, and catastrophe strikes.

IM stood in front of his mansion. "Dear me, it looks like the mansion needs a good dusting. I know it needs a weapons upgrade, at the very least. I have come up with something far more potent than lasers, after all."

He place his hand on a security panel, and a red flash confirmed that he was indeed IM, alive, and wanting to go in. The iron gate creaked open with a sound that could be heard all the way in Chinaren Hall. It was most certainly felt, because China's afternoon glass of Old Stoat Downright Unusual cracked, causing China no small amount of pain.

IM winced at the sound. Oil, he put on the list of things that needed to be done. These gates need so much oil...heck, it'd be cheaper to replace them completely!

A stroll to his door proved that nobody had been taking care of the grounds. Well, you could almost see the statue of IM through the ivy covering it, and the hedges looked like large distorted versions of what they were supposed to be...

It was when IM opened the door that it all clicked. Something was wrong. Someone had taken over his mansion.

The first clue was that his servants were hanging from the ceiling by their intestines, with a pool of blood in the middle of the floor.

The second clue was staring him in the face.

"Hello, IM" was the last thing IM heard before he blacked out due to a punch to the face.

-----

When he came to, IM noticed that he was restrained in an upright position in his very own experimentation basement. And when he raised his head, he saw something he had hoped never to see.

The first thing was a placard that said 'Do not, under any circumstances, open this pod. No, not even then. Really. You'll doom us all.'

The second thing was that the 'pod' in question was not merely open. It was smashed. From the inside. Somehow, the creature contained within it had broken free, although it was supposed to be unconscious. It was how pods worked in all the cool science-fiction movies, after all.

The placard above the pod merely read 'THADIUS'. And then IM pieced it all together.

"Oh...crap."

"That's right, IM. When you left, you forgot that the restraining spells would weaken. I quietly left and hid in the city, slowly gathering materials and information. And now, I do believe I'm ready."

The owner of the voice walked into IM's viewing range. He was a five foot, nine inch tall pale youth with black hair and very very pale blue eyes. One more thing made this young man stand out. He had large black wings. But all of these physical attributes didn't mean much. It was what was inside that mattered. And IM knew precisely what was inside.

He woke up, he woke up, I am so dead. I am so so so dead.

"I do believe you know of the good doctor that drank a potion and became his alter ego? Well, I found his formula. I think it would be fun to unleash on the city, don't you agree? All I have to do is go down to the IFinator at the core of IF and alter what it puts out. Then everything and everyone in IF will slowly become their alter egos, and the city will tear itself apart. But you know why it won't work on us...and why I can't kill you. So I'll just leave you locked up in here. I'll be back later. Ta!"

And with that, the misshapen thing walked out the door. IM could hear wingbeats as he took to the skies. And then there was another sound, the sound of a doorbell.

"IM! I've come to collec- welcome you ba- Oh...my God..."

Chinaren. Never thought I'd think or say this, but thank God for you. Quickly IM sent out a small spark that would hover in front of the orange moneygrubbing furball. When China looked up, it would lead him...

"What's in here, little spark?"

"ME!" IM finally got his voice back and used it to the fullest. I've no idea what he did to me, but I swear I will hunt him down...

China opened the door to see IM hanging from the wall. "Erm, having a bit of fun?"

"China, if I was having 'fun' my clothes would be off. I'm clearly imprisoned! So GET ME DOWN!"

China rushed over and used a slightly glowing key to unlock IM's chains. The mage fell gratefully to the ground and rubbed his wrists. "Thanks. What's that, anyway?"

China held up the glowing key, which seemed to be a lockpick. "Mayoral key. Unlocks locked threads. I, uh, accidentally kept it when my tenure was over."

IM slightly scowled. "Well, I'll overlook it this time. Now please tell me you saw someone leave not too long ago."

China nodded. "Huge black wings, creepy fellow? He's the one that did this to you?"

And I'm the one that did a lot worse to him... "Yeah, but he's got a plan that we have to stop. He's going to turn us into our alter egos, and if he reaches the core of IF, the IFinator itself, then there'll be nothing we can do. We have to find him before that and finish him."

China paled. "Surely he doesn't know the way!"

IM scoffed. "Like that will stop him. The only people that survived are my brother, myself, and Tramp. My brother is gone from here, and he didn't interrogate me. Meaning either he already knows the way, or he's off to interrogate Tramp painfully. We have to find him!"

China then raised a valid point. "He's already shown he can restrain you, and what can I do? We need to recruit more people in this 'save IF' expedition of yours!"

"We're wasting time!"

"But what should we do?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
What CAN they do? Can they rescue Tramp BEFORE she gets interrogated? Will this mysterious person find the way to the IFinator? Is all of IF doomed? Tune in next time for the exciting RETURN TO IF!
Ahem. Any ideas?
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[The White Blacksmith]

It'll take a while for him to find the dustbin that Tramp's in today, so they'll have a while to find him. But then, unless IM has a formula or something, it will also take them a while to find Tramp. Then they'll find out if he already knows the way to the IFinator.

I suggest they split up. C'ren will be more concerned about the Ifinator, and IM will be more concerned about tramp. And, ideally, at some point they should tell the worst people in If, so if they become their alter egos they'll be the good guys.

[Guest]

What CAN they do? They can split up in search groups. If the ifains then gets an alter ego, why would he want them to get an alter ego, does he want to turn everyone into bad guys as himself, I think that would be the main idea he is trying to do.

Can they rescue Tramp BEFORE she gets interrogated? Ofcourse, if they get more help the better they can find tramp. Well... You can split groups up to search for tramp while c'ren and other protect the Ifianator.

Will this mysterious person find the way to the IFinator? Yes, the other Ifians doesn't know about him, then he can ask directions ^_^ But while the Ifianator is protected by c'ren and others he can smash his way through to the Ifianator.

Is all of IF doomed? For a few seconds, becuase there is more good Ifians than bad. Just imagine drunkards turning into sober people with a huge ego.

[Idea master]

A poll has been found, beaten to within an inch of its life, and then tacked up at the bottom of the story.
So vote already!

[scissorkitty]

wow. That's a pretty collective vote there, folks.

[NeverNeverGirl]

thought i had posted on this sorry... but i have voted and will watch to see what happens... :D

[Idea master]

It seems we have a clear winner. So now then, I ask you all to quietly PM me if you wish to show up in this story.

Keeping in mind that we lost over half the team the last time we went to the Core of IF, I leave it up to you to determine if your abilities will make you less likely to die.

And for those of you for whom dying is a weakness, don't worry. I'm whipping up a few new gadgets in my mansion right now! Including an improvement on the old Stupidium blaster! China might even want to steal them and make them into a new revenue stream.

[Idea master]

And now, enough of my procrastination. On with the show!
Chapter Two - The party is formed!
In which Chinaren goes recruiting and IM goes inventing.

Chinaren sighed and threw his hands in the air. "Look, we're getting nowhere, and he's getting closer to his goal. I'll go find some fresh blood to help us, you do whatever wizardly things you feel like you need to do to prepare."

IM growled slightly, but decided that there was some truth to Chinaren's words, and began walking towards his library and study, looking for some of his more ancient and horrible tomes. They would be needed on the journey to come.

-----

Chinaren was having zero luck in his booth at the Open Forum. He was currently trying a sign with the words 'Help save IF from certain disaster and untimely destruction!' However, nobody had responded. China pondered a moment, and then took his sign down and pulled out a large black marker. He wrote something on the back side, and then put it up again so the back was now the new front. The sign now read:

Want to earn fame and fortune the easy way? Talk to Chinaren now!

Before he even sat down again, The White Blacksmith had popped up. "What's this about fame and fortune?" Whitey asked.

China smiled to himself. "Ah, very good then. You'll be wanting to go to IM's mansion, he has all the details."

"But that place is a fortress, there's no way to get in if you're not allowed!" Whitey protested.

"Actually, there's two reasons you'll be able to get in. One, IM is having a spot of trouble, and according to him, it's only keeping a few people out. The second reason is I heard him muttering to himself about doing an upgrade as I left. So you should be fine."

Whitey gulped and then headed off towards IM's mansion. China had finally sat down and was about to drink his lemonade when Lordofthenight walked up. "What's this, then? And why should I care?"

China sighed and put his drink back down. "IM's got a problem with someone who is apparently a very active villain. It could be worth your time to go check it out."

Lordy seemed to think for a moment, and then also headed in the direction of IM's mansion. China had raised the lemonade to his lips when there was a loud whoosh of displaced air. The shock combined with the sudden breeze knocked the glass out of his hands, causing it to spill all over the pavement. China looked up and saw a silver dragon landing in front of him. It looked at him and spoke. "Greetings, I am Syranore. What is this all about?"

China managed to get out "Im's...mansion..." before his voice failed him completely. The dragon nodded and flew off. China went towards the mansion as well, hoping that he might be able to finally get some lemonade. And some peace.

-----

IM, meanwhile, had compiled a list of spells he would need on his journey and written them quite carefully down on a scroll and tucked it away in his robes. In fact, that was the easy part. What he was after now was a base for his new invention. Thus, his excursion to the toy shop. It had taken him an hour to find the perfect blaster gun that he could modify for his own purposes. Only after he was done with it, it wouldn't just light up and make sounds.

He arrived back home to find Lordy, China, and Whitey in his parlor. There was some sort of silver dragon on the lawn, and NeverNeverGirl had somehow sneaked in and was sitting on Lordy's shoulders. IM sighed and looked at China. "This is who you found to go on our little jaunt?"

China nodded and promptly headed to the kitchen, looking for a cool drink. IM turned to the front door and worked a little magic. It wouldn't grow, and the dragon outside wouldn't shrink, but he could get in nonetheless. "Please, Sir Dragon, do come inside. There is a crisis at hand and your help would be appreciated."

The dragon seemed to shrug to itself and opened the door, and then attempted to walk in. He was quite surprised to find himself standing in the parlor without having to break the whole front of the house. IM then turned and addressed the group. "Would everyone please follow me to the lab? I can explain what's happened on the way."

IM then began a very brisk pace to the furthest reaches of his house and pushed a button, lowering the floor into a stairway shape. He kept walking, and as he walked, he talked. "Now, as you may or may not have heard, there is a crisis at hand, one which I am directly responsible for."

"Whatever do you mean, IM?" Whitey was a bit perturbed.

IM turned a crank and opened a wall, thus revealing it to be more of the passage they were following. "I created a very powerful being, but it turned to evil. As such, I locked it away, using both science and magic to put it into suspended animation. However, when I left, the magic wore off, and he broke out of the drug-induced stupor I had put on him. He promptly killed my servants, and I suspect, educated himself on all manner of evil."

"Right, so what's the problem? Surely when you came back you were able to restrain him again." Lordy was bemused as to why IM needed help.

IM pulled a lever, and the final door opened, revealing the core of IM's mansion. It was a large room, with many lasers up at the top connected to retracting and rotating metallic arms. The walls were covered by large liquid crystal screens designed to respond to IM's voice commands. In the middle was a large polished steel table, and there was one wheeled chair in the whole area. IM put his toy blaster on the table, took the chair, and rolled up to one of the screens. The others stood around, waiting for him to continue.

"Unfortunately, Lordy," IM said while tapping away at the screen, "He got the drop on me. One punch knocked me out, and while I was out, I imagine he did something to me to disable my voice. And if I can't speak, then I can't use my magic. So I can't go after him alone, he'll just keep me on a large dosage of whatever it was. Which is why you've been gathered here, since he was foolish enough to reveal his plan."

The dragon spoke up. "What is his plan, IM?"

"Well, Sir Dragon-"

"Syranore," the dragon interrupted.

"Syranore, then. He plans to go to the core of IF itself, to the IFinator. There, he will change its primary function. Instead of outputting Idearium, it will output the exact same chemical from Dr. Jekyll's story. If successful, we will all become our alternate selves. I predict that the city will tear itself apart in under a week. Which is why we must stop him. Fortunately, I have a plan."

IM pushed a big green button on the screen he was working at, and an arm descended from the ceiling. It hovered over the toy gun, flashed a bright blue light, and then retracted. Several other arms came downwards after that. One of them cut at the toy gun's middle with its laser, another one made a hole in the handle. About a dozen others emitted a faint blue glow while objects slowly appeared on the table. After a minute, the arms retracted again. Several cylindrical objects were on the table now, along with one blue bag and a vastly altered toy gun.

"Okay IM, what have you done now?" China queried.

IM picked up the lightweight toy gun and one of the cylinders. He snapped the cylinder into the hole in the middle of the gun with an audible click. He also opened the blue bag and withdrew a small, brightly glowing, bright blue sphere. He inserted that into the barrel of the gun and waited for the click. He then leveled it at Syranore and pulled the trigger. A gout of flame erupted and washed harmlessly onto the dragon. IM released the trigger, and the flames stopped. The plastic, remarkably, was intact still.

"Whaddya know, it works. Computer, replicate set twice more!"

The arms extended again, and the soft blue glow bathed the table while the objects were made yet again. IM explained what he had made while it was busy being replicated. "This is my new utility blaster gun. Just snap the cylinder in, snap the Idearium cell in, and you can have any mode you could need. Modes include flame, lightning, water, grappling gun, sonic waves, Stupidium, Idearium, TNT, sudden plant growth, flash of light, and nuclear explosions. The blue bag holds your power cells, and these devices can all be snapped onto your belt."

The spare guns had finished replicating, and IM passed them onto Whitey and China. IM continued. "However, we have a problem. We'll have to find this creature of mine. After all, at the end my my journey, I wished that nobody could go the same way I did. Meaning he's going to create a whole new pathway."

Lordy nodded. "So where should we start looking for him?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Points made, guns made, and search parties about to be made!
Where oh where did this evil guy go, oh where oh where could he be?
Not only do you all determine where we search, but who goes there! We could split up into different teams to search different areas of the city! But if the person or people who finds him does not have enough firepower...then we won't find our team member(s), I'm sure!
So where do we go? What do we do? I leave it all up to you!
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[The White Blacksmith]

Good chapter - I think we send Ne with Lordy (or maybe not... those two won't get anything done), me with Syr and IM with China. For no other reason than those were the combinations that popped into my head. They should look in the main Sg forums - after all, that's where most of the ideas are.

Just a few continuity problems.
The first one:

Quote: He did something to me to disable my voice. And if I can't speak, then I can't use my magic.

You say that IM speaks throughout the piece. More explaination is needed here, or say that he is using telepathy or something.

And the second problem:

Quote: I predict that the city will tear itself apart in under a week.

Surely if we're OK now then we'll be ok afterwards, just the other way round?

[Idea master]

Ah, your continuity problems.

Well, it wore off, as I pointed out in the first chapter.

And I shall address the second problem shortly, as in another chapter.

[NeverNeverGirl]

f5 whitie cause i have nothing better

I also question how i was sitting on lordys shoulder
i know hes tall but hes not THAT tall :shock:

[Guest]

He said shoulders. :D I think it is funny. Nene could fall off or even worse wear a skimpy dress while on his shoulders. :oops: No offence, but anyone can imagine that. :?

[The Meaning Of Fear]

:lol: Funny. I haven't read an IF tale in a while.

Yeah, I agree that they should split up and search the main forums. They should find THADIUS there, unless he's already found the location of the IFinator.

If that's the case they should all assault the palace. Ifian Logic states that if there is anything big and powerful to ungodly levels, it will be beneath Key's bed. :P

Not that I'm worried... I won't be terribly affected. Sure, it won't be fun living as a dictionary excerpt, but hey, when life gives you lemons...

You squirt them in the eyes of your frenemies. o-)

*Squirts lemon juice in Whitey's eyes*

[The White Blacksmith]

*tips a tonne of lemons on Meany's head*

Are you getting this one going again any time soon, IM?

And I completely agree, Meany. You will have no problems as a dictionary. You will, however, burn easily.