City of IF

[Key]

The next chapter of the featured storygame "The Archer's Quest" has been posted:

Chapter 6: Travels in the Dark

Posting and voting are complete for Chapter 6.

This is the latest story in the Wheel saga, and a sequel to the novella "The Archer's Flight". Welcome to Wheel fans and to newcomers! A new chapter will be posted every Sunday night.

For more about the storygame, see the New Players Start Here topic in this forum.

[dinranwen]

Answer their questions for now. But for away out of this situation, and fast.

[Key]

One more day - let's have a few more suggestions...

:-)

[D-Lotus]

Quote: A wolf that slams into you and shoves you off the edge of your rocky perch and to the ground below.

I thought this paragraph was awkward, because it's stylistically detached from the rest of the chapter.

As for the DP... we know nothing of these wolves, except they want to join the Serpentines... But the comment that Goat-legs made seemed to have a strong effect on them. If she can somehow claim a connection with this Mother Masakati, or even the Seven Sisters, she might be able to buy some time. I say she insist that she must speak urgently to the Serpentines, because she is a messenger of Mother Masakati. Her vow to Mother Masakati prohibits her to speak until she reaches her destination, except to explain that she is a messenger.

If this works, then the wolves will escort her to those she seeks, the Serpentines. What message she should invent is a different problem for a different chapter. :)

[Guest]

I like deica's quest, but I'd would have liked it more if it weren't in first person mode. well follow them, or at least demand to talk to whatever the one ubove me said, "the Serpentines" ^^ I like that scentance that D doesn't think works so well in the story. Ehem I can't wait to see what happens next.

[DELETED]

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[scissorkitty]

Maybe she should pretend to know more than she does, hoping the Bear Voice (or whatever it was earlier) will emerge and protect her. In the meantime, if she's able to stay aloof enough, maybe she can hold their interest. I think she should propose a trade of information, question for question, in hopes of learning something about these wolf-creatures.

[D-Lotus]

Zephyr wrote: I had noticed the sentence as well, and the problem wasn’t style but grammar. It simply wasn’t a complete sentence. That said, I understand there are a number of professional authors who, in the course of prose, use a stylistic manner that at times deviates from the usual ‘rules’ of grammar. I figured this was just such an example and wasn’t going to mention it at all until D brought it up.

I, too, discerned that this was such an example, which is why I didn't say it was grammatically incorrect. I thought it was stylistically detached from the rest of the story because that was the first time I'd seen it done within the first six chapters. It stuck out. This wouldn't be bad, except that usually, things that stick out are highlited, therefore more important, and I didn't see this sentence as particularly important to the far-reaching development of the story; it was important, however, to the immediat future of the story. But maybe I'm thinking in terms of linear literature, where the author can plan the story with certainty, whereas in a storygame, immediate effects are of more importance...

Anyway, feel free to ignore my remarks. I am only being nit-picky.

[The Powers That Be]

There's nothing inherently wrong with a sentence fragment, and this one didn't jump out at me until it was pointed out, but I understand D's point.

What jumped out at me was how stupid Deica was. As soon as she snuck up close to hear the conversation, I thought, "Um, they're wolves. Won't they smell her?" And then they smell the horse, which is presumably further away than Deica herself, and she concludes that that was her mistake?

I would not try to bluff these guys about stuff we know nothing about. Answer the questions simply, and perhaps imply that Deica and the Serpentines have mutual interests and can help each other.

One last thing: it's in second person, folks, not first person.

[Key]

Thanks, everybody, poll's up

:-)

[Traveller]

I am enjoying the story thus far...didn't even notice the sentence in question (shrugs)...I agree that I am not a big fan of the story's P.O.V. but yu are consistant with it so I am buying into it...I think 3rd person would give you moree options for delving into other characters personalities...I voted for saying she was the messenger for the sisters or Mother Masakati as I feel these wolves might fall for that and reveal more info to her...if she plays her cards right...I liked the idea of question for question but I don't think she has anything to bargin with...she is a prisoner...but if she can convince them she is a messenger, the question for question thing might play out...looking forward to the next chapter.

[Key]

Looking for a tiebreaker...

[Key]

OK, I broke the tie. Winning entry was to tell the truth.

I'm going to be traveling all next week, so the next chapter is going to be a little late - sometime in the middle of next week. The week after, we should get back on a weekly schedule.

[Lilith]

ah crap! I fell behind! Oh well.. eagerly awaiting next chapter.. :)