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The Dark
Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 108
Location: Tome.
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:15 am Post subject: The Dark chapter 13 - Bad Cop Good Cop. |
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Once again, The Dark has to warn possible readers that this tale contains naughty words, naughty people and naughty situations. All in all, it’s naughty. But then nice guys come last apparently.
Chapter 13. Good Cop Bad Cop.
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The Dark
Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 108
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:17 am Post subject: |
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The Dark apologises for the lack of sex and violence in this chapter, but you can't have it all all the time.
The decision here is an easy one then, reader dear. How do they enter Zone seventy?
Blast their way in? Try and take the van? What? |
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LordoftheNight
Joined: 11 Aug 2005
Posts: 5276
Location: Hell
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Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 9:30 am Post subject: |
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Just wondering - does Ike have a rank? And, more importantly, does our pal Gloom outrank him? |
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Mephistopheles
Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 612
Location: Not where I want to be.
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Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:12 am Post subject: |
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the lack of violence and gore disturbs me so i say drive over the mutating freaks and bust in fast. short, yet sweet, chapter dark. |
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D-Lotus
Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 4123
Location: Hollywood, USA
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Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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Quote: and the man handed over them over
Quote: “I do, of course, choose my own attire usually, but the commissioner has impeccable taste in fashion.
There's a quotation mark missing in the second one.
The new character, Ike Ice, loses gas throughout the chapter.
Quote: “You may refer to her as Commissioner.” Ike’s jaw tightened.
“Okay, okay, keep your pants on kid…”
“And I’m not a kid. I’m twenty seven, and my job is to keep an eye on you. Just in case you get any ideas, I have bio-muscular enhancement treatment, so don’t think you can take me down.”
Here he acts very tough and even forbidding. But then:
Quote: “Fine.” Gloom sighed. “What else did you get? Are the guns in the back of the van?”
“Er…” Ike looked uncomfortable.
The character has changed. He's a wussy. For me, the character experienced a transformation much too quickly. Give the transition some more time.
As for the DP, I don't think these mutants will be hostile to the two cops unless the cops show a sign of weakness. These people are probably human waste, and as such, afraid of tough looking guys with guns. Nobody who has the courage to stand up to a cop would be living in fallout land. Simply walk in, guns ready. |
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CunningFox
Joined: 27 Oct 2005
Posts: 210
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Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:22 pm Post subject: |
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Im with Ds approach. Look mean and menacing and they'll avoid you. |
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Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:36 am Post subject: |
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I say sneak in, no sense inviting trouble, but if they are spotted they use the 'hard man' approach suggested above. |
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Crunchyfrog
Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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I'm with Cren on this one. Stealth is the way.
Enjoyed the chapter, but have to agree I wasn't really sure where Ike was coming from. Couldn't decide whether he was tough, useless, savvy, clueless, by the book, corrupt - and like Lordy says, we don't know his rank either. A bit confusing all round. |
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The Dark
Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 108
Location: Tome.
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Posted: Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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Your feedback has been noted, logged and processed.
The Dark shall endevour to 'stiffen up' the Ike character, and fix the errors.
If there is no other suggestions, The Dark will initiate a vote... |
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DELETED
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Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:12 am Post subject: |
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The Dark
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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The vote is ready, select your choice readers. |
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Smee
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:29 am Post subject: |
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If we had better weaponry, and equipment, then the hard guy approach would be good. But without it, we don't want to be getting complacent.
Sneaky, sneaky.
Happy Writing :) |
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Chinaren
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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I rather like the idea of going in hard. let's see some gore! |
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CunningFox
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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blast them! :lol: |
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The Dark
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Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 6:00 am Post subject: |
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All right haters, you want it hard, hard it will be. |
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