City of IF

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

Is there really such a thing as a guy "caring about your feelings"? (especially if the guy finds it funny and neccessary to call one of your close friends an alien, tells her he doesn't really like you, flirts with another one of your close friends(atleast that's what i think) and then you overhear him telling another friend of yours that he really likes you and then he cusses out your little sis on the phone )

Thunderbird · Posted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:53 pm Post subject:

Yes, there can be such a thing. We males are inherantly self centered. While we often care about your feelings, our self absorption makes us completely ignorant of how these things might hurt you.

This doesn't mean that was our intention, nor will we respond in the way you might expect from a person who cares when we are confronted about such things. We will try to defend ourselves because we care what you think of us, completely ignorant that our attempts to defend ourselves are only taken as evidence that we don't care how you feel. We're just stupid that way.

But yeah, if he said it to someone ELSE besides you, than you can trust you just heard the truth of how he feels.

Best to just calmly and unaccusingly explain to him how his actions have made you feel, prefaced by the explanation that you just need him to consider what you have to say and that you don't mean to attack him with it. You might be surprised at how sensitive he may seem to respond.

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

thanks but this is the same guy who when i try to talk to him, i freeze. i know it's stupid and silly but it's true

Thunderbird · Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:37 am Post subject:

Not stupid, nor silly... just means you really like him. You wouldn't have any reason to have your adrenals go on overload when your around him if you didn't... trust me... guys have that problem themselves all the time. He might even be acting the way he does for the same reason you freeze... hmm...

Amichan · Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:18 pm Post subject:

I hate to say it but I agree with T-bird on this. guys do freeze and freak of a good looking girl. shyness and freezing are VERY Normal. What Most Girls don't realize is SOME of us guys aren't much different that most girls. we are very sensitive we have our moments , we also do have mood swings ( Male PMS yes it is true you don't believe me look it up ) but we can be very in tune with a ladys feelings just as well as ours... So just because the guy you have a crush on kinda acts like a jerk occasionally doesn't necessarily mean he is a bad guy

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

thanks for the insight guys but never mind anyway. I've completely given up on him. It's what tends to happen when you wait three months for a guy to ask you out(this started last year) and he just pretends you don't exist. Besides, today i was sitting next to this girl on the bus and he was sitting in the seat across from us and told her he would go out with her for a minute if she gave him some of her M&Ms. hopeless. completely hopeless.

Thunderbird · Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:16 pm Post subject:

You know... these days you don't have to wait for the guy to ask...

Black Hawk · Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:20 am Post subject:

how could someone trade love for M&Ms?

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

what are you suggesting, i ask him out?!!!!!! that's insane!

Bronze · Joined: 04 Dec 2008 Posts: 14

Guys are tools, I admit that haha. We need people to tell us basically that a girl likes us. Even if its a mate, or their mate we need to be hinted in the right direction before we make a move, and even then it takes us awhile to build up the courage we will do it if we feel the same way.

However this guy does sound a bit slow on the uptake...

Amichan · Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:01 am Post subject:

A little slow is an understatement. Look at it this was way Snow hey may not be the one simply cause if he is willing to trade M&M's for love that means he looking for a girl thats easy.... easy as in easy to get in bed with so you may be right he may not be the one ( sad that this is coming from a guys P.O.V. but oh well )

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

okay, first off, get me in bed? never. nuh-uh i've seen alot of pregnant girls and if anyone thinks i'm going to let that be me, they seriously need to think again. Second, this is one of the nicest guys and least diritest in my class(humping a desk while singing 'boom boom pow' is the worst he's evr done excepting the time last year when guys went crazy with the butt smacking thing)
Third, he's really starting to annoy me by flirting with all my friends. Atleast all my close friends. and yet i still like him. I really hate those hormones. My friends are starting to get annoyed at me and telling me to get over him already. Usually i do, even in a very bad break-up so i'm trying to figure out what's different this time and why i can't seem to get over him.

Thunderbird · Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:29 pm Post subject:

um... why is it crazy to ask HIM out?

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

Because if he says no, then i'll be ruined forever and embarassed. and that's only one reason

Thunderbird · Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 4:18 pm Post subject:

hmmm... you think that might be his reason for not asking you? You'd be surprised how nervous we guys can get about that sort of thing.

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

but i'd say yes if he'd just ask!

Thunderbird · Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 5:34 pm Post subject:

Maybe he would too. How would he know you would anymore than you would know if he would?

DeadManWalking · Joined: 24 May 2006 Posts: 1005

Thunderbird seems reasonably knowledgeable on the subject, and I have enough relationship problems myself that I can't say much without the hypocrisy making my head explode. So I'll just say listen to him.

What he's saying makes sense.

Unfortunately, teenage relationships don't. Still, listening to what he says can't hurt.

Amichan · Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:04 pm Post subject:

Well Snow here a question that you might want to ask yourself . Despite everything that he has done. Is it enough to make you like him but notask him out ( and oh yah Guys don't always have to make the first move case and point when me and my Wife first started out as a couple she asked me out ) I understand Him flirting with your friends is very annoying. For guys ( and this the case for what I've seen with teens and some 20 somethings ) the flirting could be to either get to know them or for other reasons. and for some guys flirting is all they have to use to be socially accepted. Now i'm not saying that this guy is one of those shallow types that use his charm for their own demise. but just be careful and if you believe that the rewards of asking him out are better than the risks go ahead jump head first into it and ask him out... and yes it might be embarrasing to be rejected by him. but that doesn't mean the end of the world. there are plenty of other guys out there. That I bet, Once they got to know you , that they would do anything to go out with you . So don't get discouraged!!!!!

snow tiger · Joined: 07 Dec 2008 Posts: 56 Location: u wish

we talked to each other but it was about a totally unrelated matter. The whole thing is really complicated, and yes, i've been holding back part of what happened but...... i know me and him have to talk but we both don't want to, that much i know. My bf told me i'm playing mind games with him by listening to gossip and not actually talking to him and i said that's bull cuz i know the info i got was reliable cuz it's straight from my homegurl, T.

anyway i'm closing this topic but thanks to all of y'all that tried to help. if you got a prob just post it here(if you feel comfortable talking abt it) but anyway, yea, i'm closing this topic