City of IF

[Lebrenth]

This is an experiment for a nonlinear storygame. Feel free to comment after the story section. Follow any of the following links to find the other thread with more specific information relating to the story.

As the only security officer on the ESS Endeavor, I handle everything large and small. Yesterday I spent three hours looking for a lost hat in corridor B101, today I'm pulling a body out of Vesper Lake. Murder is not what passengers come to the Garden for, so I'm going to need some answers and quick. I don't have any backup, unless you count a bunch of glitchy robots, and I don't have any witnesses, unless you count the deceased, and the only real clue I have now is the hole in the victim's head.

For some reason my ID scanner doesn't recognize Victor Clemens, even though I know him very well from frequent "visits" I've made to help resolve domestic disputes. Naturally, that puts his wife Darla at the top of my list of suspects, but I'm not convinced yet. They'll argue about what they think the best kind of pie is, but it rarely elevated above shouting. Plus that hole didn't come from a rolling pin. I don't need a lab result to tell me that wound came from an electron accelerator.

It takes special clearance to bring advanced technology into the Garden, but as the security officer, that's not a problem. I have a robot detail collect the body and preserve it in the Morgue. There should be plenty of room since this sort of thing doesn't happen on this ship, especially not in the Garden where it's nice and peaceful and weapons, at least the kind that put holes clean through skulls, are not allowed.

Having the body secure and the area cordoned off, and having no one else to do any real investigation, I have to decide where my efforts will be most useful. I can't be in two places at once, so searching for clues, questioning suspects, searching the area, and general canvassing will all have to wait in line. If I'm lucky, I'll blunder into the key to this mystery and solve the ship's first murder before anyone has a chance to panic.

DP: Where do you begin investigating?

[Vishal Muralidharan]

It definitely is interesting and captivating. Although it does take some time to get used to the number of links, it is very readable. What I noticed was that it was filled with only facts, and no actions, but I think that's what you intended to do.

Nice Writing, though I don't think this should be a NaNoWriMo, this should be a story game as it is. :D :D

[Crunchyfrog]

This is most intriguing, Lebs. Reading it through as a SG
without looking at any of the links, I would make a DP suggestion to go talk to Mrs. Clemens, and have their quarters searched. What bothers me most at this superficial level is why the ID scanner doesn't recognise Mr. Clemens, when our investigating hero knows the passenger well.

What has changed since Mr. Clemens's death? Is the body really the body of Victor Clemens at all?

I started clicking on the links I eventually just read through the entire thread of samples. Fascinating stuff indeed, which raises even further questions.

After reading the samples, there are a number of things that intrigue me, but first thing I'd do is to go and look at the passenger database and see if there is any record of Victor Clemens actually joining the ship at the start of the voyage. I wonder whether the ID scanner is linked to the database, and the fact that the records have been deleted would result in the scanner not recognising him.

If that is the case, I'd then want to know who would be able to do that.

[PilgrimSoul]

I like the use of the links, it lest you read without getting bogged down by expositional stuff, but still provides the information you need to know what's going on. nice! I should consider doing something simmilar for my own mystery.

[Thunderbird]

The victim was having an affair with Mindy Sommers behind the bushes at the nude beach. They spotted his wife's approach and he darted off to hide in the water while she took off through the air vent.

As his wife approached, they argued and she threw rocks at him, striking him in the eye. This caused him to shout, which made a nearby robot believe him to be drowning. The robot reacted by racing into the lake to save the drowning victim but when it got there, it did a retinal scan which was a bit flawed due to his wife's own ilicit romantic partner's actions.

See, the guy in cryogenics and the victim's wife must have had some plan to remove the victim from the ship entirely. The guy in cryo must have eliminated the victim's file.

So when the robot couldn't find the file, it went berserk, thinking the victim was some sort of intruder. Though it must have meant to only detain the victim, the victim struck back with his cane (which he had run into the water with). This damaged the robot ever so slightly.

The robot immediately malfunctioned due to the water's intrusion into its system and decided to blast the guy. Thereafter, the robot must have been present at the security officer's side when the report was logged regarding the discovery of the hat, because the date was all wrong where the month was recorded.

yeah... right huh?

You've certainly provided a neat little puzzle here Lebby! Nicely done. I have a book in my possession which speaks of the future of storytelling, given the potential that computers are presenting us. You have well encapsulated some of the methods of approach that were theorized could become the wave of storytelling of the future in this project.

[Lebrenth]

Thanks for the response, I gather there is interest in a game made like this. Thanks for the encouragement, Vishal, I think I will make this a storygame now. I think the links will be less cumbersome once the most important facts are established, so it won't take quite so long to write a chapter, or to follow along. Also, in later chapters, if your memory needs to be refreshed, you can still follow the links to remind you.

Ok, I think I will go for it, and very soon. In that case, is it possible to have this topic and "Sample" moved into Skiffy? It would be nice, for me and the participants, if we got fables for it. Then again, it might break the links, which would be very ungroovy. Might as well give it a try, and I'll change the links if necessary.



And to respond to the SG responses, Thunderbird, you have a very interesting theory and it is clear you are taking into account many relevant facts. I won't tell you how much you got right or wrong, but I definitely want to tip my hat to you for creating the theory. The missing hat report, by the way, has a typo. The month should be 9... I don't know how it ended up 2. That could be an in-story typo made by the officer, but it wasn't intentional so I fixed it. Sorry about that, and thanks for bringing it to my attention. That book sounds very interesting, by the way. What's it called?

Pilgrim, I would be very happy if you used any tricks or techniques that you got from me, and I hope you don't mind if I borrow from your work as well. Your current mystery is very interesting (I'll be commenting in there soon).

Crunchy, great questions! Let me answer them as best as I can:
Quote: What has changed since Mr. Clemens's death? Is the body really the body of Victor Clemens at all? The ID scanner is indeed linked with the system database. It is a wireless link that uploads DNA, Fingerprint, and Retinal scans and receives information in return. The ID scanner can not identify the body, but John is certain it is Victor Clemens. Manually looking up Victor Clemens in the system also shows no record of him even boarding, nor any of the other records that John has seen with his own eyes before. Either this is a major glitch, or the files have been removed. Quote: If that is the case, I'd then want to know who would be able to do that.

Files can be made classified by anyone with special clearance, but to remove the files entirely the only one with the authority to do such a thing would be the Captain (who's profile has not been made, but it will be available soon). Naturally, it may be possible for a hacker to do the same and it might also be a glitch or damage to the physical database.

[Crunchyfrog]

Both now moved to Skiff. :D Links should be fine - each topic and post has its own unique number, so it shouldn't matter which forum they get moved to. I checked a couple of them just in case and they seem ok.

Fables don't appear retrospectively on transfer I'm afraid... :( but they'll certainly be earned going forward now the topics are moved.

Carry on! :tu:

[Lebrenth]

Great! Thanks Crunchy!

Ok, so the DP is where to focus the investigation. There are suggestions built in, or you can make new suggestions, of course. I'm also happy to answer any questions regarding the story that the main character, John, will have an answer for.

[Masterweaver]

You should probably ask whoever reported the body how they found it. And determine who or what was around at the time of death.

[Vishal Muralidharan]

I think the first thing to do is to determine the time of death. And then try to get to the people who were there first. I don't think going to the guy who reported should be done now. Anyway, im guessing that the Robots found him. I think we should get to these people first,

Captain George Willis
Cdr. Jacob Hawkins (2nd in command)
Lt. Cdr. Terrence Bluth (Audio Visual Officer)
Lt. Jacques Arnot MD (Chief Medical Officer)
Lt. Vladimir Stokov (Chief Engineer)
Lt. John Dunaway (Chief Security Officer)
Darla Clemens.

I don't think Darla sneaked out with a electron acceletor. But with her help, i think we could get to some of his enemies, or the people to whom he owed money, in case he was gambling.

[Ingrothechundyer]

It might also be good to verify that the profile is indeed deleted instead of just being classified if he hasn't done so already. It seems that classifying the profile would also cause his scanner to malfunction and if it was classified there might be more helpful information there.

As far as the links I like the idea. I personally would prefer less duplicate links in the chapter though as they don't have a description of what they're linking to. For me personally it sort of took away from the story to ask myself if the description was linking to something that I had just read or if it was something new.

[Lebrenth]

I see your point Ingro, although I'm not sure where to draw the line. I've been considering using specific keywords for each entry so only a perfect match will have a link. In other words, "fatal wound" will link to the post describing the wound, but "hole in his head" will not. That way it will be easier to remember which links you've followed. I might also do that with common names, so that "Victor Clemens" will link, but just writing "Victor" without the last name won't.

What do you think?


I want to do another big update to the story to include many other important details, such as the very astute questions of who discovered the body and what was happening near the estimated time of death. I'm also planning on doing many more character profiles to help develop a list of suspects. I won't guarantee that will be done soon, but I will try to have the updates going this weekend. I got schoolwork to do or else I would be on it right now!

By the way, Ingro, classified files are not removed, they are just restricted, so Dunaway should be able to see if the file exists even if he can't open it to see what's inside. Victor's files are not classified, they are gone.

[Thunderbird]

Could you use a subscript numeral for each link and just put the number after the term you wish to create a link for?

For example: For those who are wondering, this is what I'm waiting for(1).

Then just use the same number to refer to the same link so we get an idea if we've been there before.

[Lebrenth]

Now that's brilliant advertising! Yes, I will be adding to Nuthouse soon, Thunderbird.

As for the citation, it depends on whether or not the readers can keep up with all of the numbers. It may be close to the same complexity.

[Ingrothechundyer]

Personally I would probably prefer the first occurrence to be linked. That's how my textbooks handled it when they introduced new terms and it seemed to work fairly well to me.

Thanks for clarifying on the deleted profile thing :)

[Vishal Muralidharan]

Well, if the file was classified, then only a few people could have access to it. In that case, if the file was deleted, it would have to be one of them or a really intelligent guy who can hack into the system. Either way, we should get to the people who have access.

If that doesn't workout, we'd have to get to the hackers.

Anyway, who are the people who are at a higher position than Dunaway??? Does he have a team of humans working with him or just the robots???

We'll all be waiting for the update :D :D

(my gosh, this is interesting)

[Vishal Muralidharan]

IS the story going to go on???

[Ingrothechundyer]

Vishal Muralidharan wrote:
Anyway, who are the people who are at a higher position than Dunaway??? Does he have a team of humans working with him or just the robots???

My assumption is that you can find the answer in Lebby's links ;)

Lebrenth wrote: It takes special clearance to bring advanced technology into the Garden

[Lebrenth]

Nicely put Ingro and that is accurate.

Sorry I haven't updated the story yet, I'm swamped and my laptop is in the shop (along with my files for the storygame). You'll just have to give me more time. Don't worry though, the next section will be worth the wait.

EDIT: It just occured to me that I should do a poll. Coming right up!

[Crunchyfrog]

Oh goody! :D

(Not about the laptop though. :-o Oh poo. Hope it gets better soon.)

Voted!

[Thunderbird]

Jeez... that was hard... all good options!

So... voted.

Hope yer lappy gets better soon Lebby! Computer problems suck more than anything!

[Vikas Muralidharan]

Interesting story there. Im a bit late i guess but still I appreciate the use of links but i think it should be used in moderation u know, not too many ;) .

Anyway I agree with Vishal. We should probably get to the people who have access to these files first and then probably look at the possibility of it being an outside work.

Well , Ive just cast my vote and made the poll result interesting :D

[Ingrothechundyer]

Tough choices here. Ultimately I voted to question the people who were allowed to bring advanced technology into the garden based on the (possibly false) assumption that they would be the people with access to an electron accelerator.

Of course if they electron accelerators are widespread on the ship this could very well be a wild goose chase :/

Of course it won't hurt to ask the Captain about the file being deleted. There may be a good reason for it :P

[Vishal Muralidharan]

Great Poll, Lebby!!!

Man, I wish I could write like that!! :P

I voted for questioning the special Clearance guys. I have a slight suspicion that one of them were involved, maybe even indirectly.

Well, Im looking forward to this one!!!!!

[Crunchyfrog]

*kicks Lebby* You back yet? o-)

[Vishal Muralidharan]

*Kicks Lebby as well*

Don't you think its getting too long a wait?!

[Crunchyfrog]

Maybe the laptop is still in the process of being fixed... :(

[Vishal Muralidharan]

Being fixed for half a month?!

[Vishal Muralidharan]

And his profile says that his last visit was 4 days ago....!!

Unless there is some problem with IF (which you'll need to fix)..........

[Lebrenth]

No no, nothing is wrong with IF. My laptop has been fixed (and working great by the way) and I am actively working on the next chapter. I have been putting extra work into this one to really flesh out the whole concept of investigating in any order that you like, plus I'm working on a map of the Garden.

I don't want to rush this, so it will be a few more days at least. Then there will be an explosion, so brace for impact!

[Thunderbird]

So happy to hear you've overcome your technical difficulties and are returning Lebby! Was a bit worried 'bout ya. (an' looking forward for this to get moving again ;) )

[Vishal Muralidharan]

Great to see your back!!

I was a little worried as well, especially since your myspace page said that you USED to write at IF. :?

Also, there was NO activity (AFAIK) from your account, not even a game being played.

But I'm glad that you're here! I am looking forward to the chap!

[Lebrenth]

Chapter 2, Senior Officers Conference
After 16 years in space, it’s surprising more people haven’t been murdered, but with only 299 humans left in the universe, you can’t exactly shrug off even a single life being snuffed out. With the body gone, the Garden looks peaceful again, even with the security detail of robots to keep the entirety of Vesper Lake cordoned off. Eventually I’ll visit Carl Granger, who found the body, and Victor Clemen’s widow Darla Clemens, but for now it’s time to leave the Garden and talk to the special clearance Officers about Victor’s missing profile. I take the hovercraft back to the Garden entrance, then take a shuttle to the command deck.

The ESS Endeavor may not run like a military ship anymore, but one thing it takes seriously is security. Gaining entrance to the command deck requires a retinal scan, a badge, and a DNA scan before a technician clears me to enter, and the computer makes a general announcement that an armed officer is on deck. As a security officer I am required to keep an electron accelerator with me everywhere, even in the Garden and Command Deck. Now that I’m in, I know exactly where I’m going first, but the man I’m looking for isn’t in his office. I get the attention of a Warrant Officer Jose Pacheco.

“Where’s Lieutenant Commander Bluth?” I ask authoritatively (it’s a habit). Terrence Bluth is a good friend who has the eyes and ears of the ship at his command, so he’s handy for investigations.

“Sir, I think he went to get more coffee. He’s been having trouble staying awake.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah… he fell asleep at his desk about an hour ago. He works hard, sir.”

“Do you know if he was on deck last night?”

“Yeah, all night. You can check the command log; he’s been on deck since 1600 hours yesterday.”

I let myself into Terrence Bluth’s office, since he wouldn’t mind, plus he’s somewhat on my suspect list. He’s wisely locked down his computer station while getting his coffee, but his filing cabinet is jammed with a paper so it isn’t locked. I help myself and find the paper is a marked map of the Garden with a series of numbers that look significant, so I tuck it into my pocket. I step away just in time for Terrence’s arrival. He smiles, but not before I notice his shock at seeing me.

INTERVIEW 1: Lt. Cdr. Terrence Bluth

The interview had a lot more tension than it should have, but now I have another lead, knowing that Vladimir Stokov and Darla Clemens are having an affair. While I’m in the command deck I may as well interview Jacob Hawkins, but I’m currently more interested in speaking with the Chief Engineer. Of course, Terrence isn’t off the hook yet either, but I’ll try to get his help in mean time.

“Another thing, Terrence,” I add. “Start surveillance on all special clearance Officers, including me. Delegate a few people to it, this is a priority.”

“I should remind you I outrank you,” Terrence says.

“I wouldn’t bother if I were you. I won’t listen anyway.”

I call for Vladimir Stokov to come to the command deck so I don’t have to search the entire ship for him, and in the meantime I ask to have a word with the Jacob Hawkins, the 2nd in command who currently has the highest authority on the ship.

He meets me with an even gaze and talks clearly and confidently, even spilling some information about his getting drunk. I recorded the conversation for later reference.

INTERVIEW 2: Cdr. Jacob Hawkins

“Thank you commander, I’ll be leaving to retrieve your gun right away. Stokov should be here soon, I would like you to keep him here. I’m sending Doctor Arnot as soon as he’s done with the autopsy. I want to have a conference with all senior officers and the Captain.”

“Understood, I’ll contact him now. Carry on Lieutenant,” Hawkins says. He works on contacting the Captain and I log out on the command log and go to his quarters. The Commander’s quarters aren’t far from the command deck, so it’s no trouble finding it. Likewise, the sidearm is easy to find, but I take a few extra minutes to look around for anything suspicious. I take note of a few empty alcohol bottles with the Granger Crest, and the general smell of vomit in the bathroom. Otherwise the place is pretty clean. I drop off the commander’s EA gun with Sgt. James Slaughter and ask him do a test on the spread pattern to compare with Victor Clemens’ fatal wound. He’s thrilled with the request, plus he’s a good marksman, so I ask him to work as my deputy.

“Hell yeah, sir,” he replies.

“Sounds good, I’ll swear you in later. I’ll keep in touch, but let me know immediately if it’s a match.”

“I’ll have to shut down the shooting range.”

“Sounds good to me, there’s been too much shooting already. But don’t worry, it’s only temporary.”

By then the officers are all assembled in a spare room on the command deck, and everyone is logged in, so at least at this moment I know where we all are. I take a moment to look at them all sitting around the round table to get a feel for the mood. Cdr. Jacob Hawkins looks attentive but relaxed, which puts extra contrast on the jittery nerves of the over-caffeinated Lt. Cdr. Terrence Bluth sitting next to him. Lt. Jacques Arnot MD looks amused and nods to me. Lt. Vladimir Stokov has his blemished arms folded and he drums his fingers on his bicep impatiently. I stay on my feet, and watch everyone closely. Captain George Willis’ voice asks through a speaker.

“Have we started yet? I can’t hear anything.”

“Yes Captain, we’re starting now.”

CONFERENCE 1: Senior Officers

The conference added some good solid facts about Victor’s murder, but only more guesses about how his profile was missing from the database. More investigation is needed, so I ask everyone to leave except Vladimir Stokov, who has some explaining to do, one way or the other, about his romantic relations with Darla Clemens. I make one more interview before making my next decision on where to go with the investigation.

INTERVIEW 3: Lt. Vladimir Stokov

Vladimir says nothing else after the dramatic interview where he made it clear he wasn’t going to cooperate. Perhaps I could have been friendlier, I consider as he marches out of the room. Something tells me he’s not just mad; he’s in hurry to get somewhere. I call my new deputy and tell him where to get Vladimir’s guns. I tell him to get there fast. With surveillance following Vladimir, I’ll get an idea where he’s in hurry to get to. In the meantime, I still have plenty of investigating to do but at least I have James Slaughter backing me up as my new deputy.

Then I hear a coughing noise over the speaker.

“Captain, are you still on the line?”

“Sorry, but that was really interesting.”

“You really ought to get back to the ship, sir.”

“It sounds to me like you’re handling everything fine.”

“Thanks,” I say. Another fine moment from the Captain that I’ll add to favorites.


DP: What is the next stage of the investigation?

[Smee]

*head explodes* :shock:

Core blimey Lebby... that's quite the post extravaganza you went on. I think I'll need to set aside a good few hours to wade through that one before it gets too long.

[Thunderbird]

The best part of all was the very end... loved that link! How clever ;)

I don't think any of the officers are DIRECTLY responsible for the murder. However, what I find most peculiar was the map.

The numbers are obviously times... whoever did this map was tracking events, and the locations they took place in, in the garden. We can presume that this was the work of Officer Bluth as he's given to monitor this area but why would he not have mentioned it? What is he hiding there? And without a #1, we are left to assume that the x marking 'crater' is where it all began. We must immediately take a look at this spot in particular, along with all the other marked locations.

While we're at it, a quick interrogation of the 'witness' (one of multiple witnesses the Commander mentioned... I wonder who else might be holding out information on us right now), Carl Granger, would be of interest, especially in trying to sort out what was taking place at the times noted on the map.

This work must represent an enormous undertaking. I'm highly impressed here Lebby! I trust this will go down as an IF legend when its all said and done.

[Vishal Muralidharan]

An ADD TO FAVORITES link?! seriously?

This was an awesome chapter Lebby! What I suggest we do is to have a chat with Carl. It always helps to know how the body was found, and while doing so, we would also be checking Jacob's alibi.

We might also want to check out other people's alibi. If we find a liar, it could end up being a big break.

I couldn't make much out of the map, not until TBird came along, and his theory sounds perfectly plausible. I would rather check the database for any events that took place at the time marked in the particular place. Video evidence would also be helpful. Probably, we could ask Bluth himself a little while later, when his services wouldn't be extremely important to us.

This must have taken quite some time Lebby! I cannot believe how splendidly everything seems to work out (including the astonishing number of links)!! Totally love it!!!!

[Lebrenth]

Thanks everybody! I'm glad you like it. It took longer than I expected, and I was expecting a lot. I was able to practice some interesting techniques, though. For instance, for the links, I coded a Visual Basic macro for MS Word that searchs for all keywords and adds the appropriate links automatically. By the way, If anyone else is considering using cross referencing links and also uses MS Word, I'd be happy to share the macro code.

A question for those who have read through the last chapter, when and how often did you use the links? Did you read all links as you went or were you selective? How much skimming did you do compared to careful examining? Your feedback will be very useful, besides I'm just curious.

For the investigation, it looks like we're particularly interested in speaking with Carl Granger, but we can also continue through and investigate the markings on Bluth's map while we're at it. For the poll, as of now, we can have options, one focusing on the map after talking to Carl Granger and the other option will focus on finding witnesses. Naturally there's plenty of room for more suggestions, so I look forward to seeing any more that may show up!

[Crunchyfrog]

This is an impressive project, Lebby. I have to admit that I chose the links selectively, but after reading some of the interviews I then went back to click on links that I chose to avoid. Likewise, after looking at some of the replies so far, caused me to go back and look at further links.

In response to an earlier comment, I was going to chime in and say that perhaps just one link per buzzword in each chapter would be ok, but actually, having each buzzword referenced every time it is used is very useful if you're linking selectively, like me. For example, I didn't click on the link to the Captain until close to the end of the chapter.

Which brings me to some of the thoughts that came to my mind as I was reading:

Was it just a little too much detail about the dim red light on the command deck, or am I wondering whether there is something subtle there that may become significant later on?
Granger is an obvious line of enquiry I think.
Stokov is my prime suspect at the moment. With his command over the robots he is easily the most powerful person on the ship, at least in my opinion.

I am curious as to why the Captain is not present. This hasn't been explained, but it doesn't seem to bother our main character.

For the DP - Granger is the next port of call, I think. And also have someone check that Bluth has actually got the surveillance underway. I'm not sure he'll be 'thorough' enough.

Oh, and the final link gave me a general error! :shock:



(edit to add: This SG meets all the criteria to be stickied except the length of the first chapter. However, the innovative cross-referencing detail has been taken into account and it is therefore eligible for the next Spotlight competition.)

[Thunderbird]

Quote: For instance, for the links, I coded a Visual Basic macro for MS Word that searchs for all keywords and adds the appropriate links automatically. By the way, If anyone else is considering using cross referencing links and also uses MS Word, I'd be happy to share the macro code
I figured you might have just been using the find and replace function. But I did realize there was some sort of trick being employed there. If you go through and click on every link, it really hits you over the head to remind you who's who, which is really a very good thing (I have a hard time remembering characters by their names and this helps a lot)

I found it necessary to read through without clicking on any links, then going back through it again, this time digging deeper. Its best to keep these chapters short as a result, I think, for it does take longer to absorb than most.

I would imagine the last link didn't work too well for you CF cuz you probably already had this thread added to your fav's!

[Crunchyfrog]

Ah, that'd be why then! :blush:

Another thought for the DP... in fact I think I like this idea more as I think about it... We should visit the morgue. Surely we can find out the exact time of death - and it may even eliminate some of the crew via the command log. (although that also could be a work of fiction, who knows!)


I want to talk to this Milo Jones fellow, but at the moment I'm not quite sure what I want to ask him - being that interrogating partial cryo patients is outlawed, and all.