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Symphony's Requiem: Chapter 6
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Emperor



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:20 pm    Post subject: Symphony's Requiem: Chapter 6  

Chapter 6

Warning. This story contains strong language, scenes of violence and other matter that may be offensive. For mature readers only.
His mind did not race nor was it at peace; it simply took no notice of anything that was not the sketches in front of him. There was something about what lived in the shadows of these simple looking urban landscapes that drew him in. The first one was of an alleyway, littered with trash that blew in the wind. There were two dark undistinguished forms close together in an embrace of love or murder. The second was of a four way intersection, streetlamps broken and hanging. An abandoned industrial complex was in the background, its smokestacks still spewed out some unknown noxious exhaust. The last, the one that most of his time was spent on, was of an abandoned hotel. He had drawn creeping ivy all along its walls, searching out weak spots on the exterior and causing those cracks to deepen and grow. Though the scene was set during sunset, he had inversed all of the shadows in and near the hotel. Giving it the illusion of a singular sunrise happening at the building.

With each sketch he would return and further develop the play of shadows in them. They had grown darker and darker, each line hard and severe, each shadow deep and cloying. As they developed, he was vaguely aware of a growing discomfort in him, something deep and instinctive. The feeling was like hearing the howl of a wolf in the middle of the night while camping. Something hungry and predatory was in those shadows that seemed to grow with each graze of the pencil. Stronger than this though was as he got closer to finishing the drawings, the nearer he felt to unraveling some mystery. His heterochromic eyes scanned each piece, flipping back and forth, his colored pencils flitting here and there – never at rest.

The piece with the abandoned hotel seemed to call to him the most; something about the derelict windows kept drawing him in. He added cracks and corruption to each one. He created false shadows behind the portals, as if someone or something inside of the hotel, just out of view, were casting them. Ignacio didn’t know why, but these shadows were deeply important to the whole piece, somehow they were important to him as well. His pencil paused for a moment, slightly trembling in anxiety at the momentary lapse of activity. It was something about these smaller shadows, the illusions they created, this is where the mystery was. His heart began thumping harder, as Ignacio tilted his head, he could almost see it. A vague shape, a hint of understanding, was there in these shadows behind the cracked windows.

Something ripped the sketchbook out from in front of him and Ignacio looked up in shock. A large man stood in front of him, the man was holding his sketchbook in one enormous hand making it look like a notebook instead. This giant had his other hand on his shoulder putting strong but gentle pressure, keeping him still. The room brightened, a nauseating mix of body odor, spoiled food and stale air assaulted his senses. Ignacio’s head cleared and he realized that the giant holding him in place was Kumanda. Ignacio looked over to the door, someone had kicked it in and the doorframe was splintered in places.

“Ignacio, broer, do you hear?”

The normal deep, baritone voice of his friend was soft and full of concern.

“Kumanda? What are you doing here? What happened to my door?”

Kumanda’s massive frame expanded in a deep sigh of relief. “Gods of the world my bru, you look like a bergie! What is the wrong with you?”

Ignacio knew that bru was just an affectionate version of brother, but the meaning for bergie came much slower. He was pretty sure it meant someone like a homeless person who is so bad off that even their peers would call them down on their luck. Kumanda took his hand off his shoulder and took a step back.

“I had to break that door my friend, I phone you and phone you but you never answered. Something felt wrong, so I come and knock. I hear you talking, but you don’t answer your door, so I break ‘dem.”

Ignacio tried to stand so that he could grab his sketchbook from Kumanda, his legs wobbled and he sat back down. He felt so weak. He rested his head in his hands.

“My sketches Kumanda, I need them back, I need to finish them.”

“No my friend. These drawings are pulling on you like some bad hex. You not getting them back today for sure.”

Ignacio squeezed his eyes tightly, trying to get a hold of the world spinning around him. “I’m so close now, the shadows in the hotel, their trying to tell me something.”

“Unless you got yourself a gun or a knobkierie, you don’t get these back today.”

Suddenly two desperate needs hit him at once, the need to void his bladder and the need to drink water. He half crawled and half stumbled to the bathroom and closed the door. Ignacio turned on the light; he decided to sit to relieve himself not trusting his legs to keep him standing. Halfway through, he turned on the faucet and slurped up handful after handful of water. In the distance he could hear Kumanda speaking to someone on the phone. Ignacio’s eyelids grew heavier and heavier, he fought to stand as a bone aching weariness came over him.

₰ ₰ ₴ ₴ ₰ ₰


The cool night wind bit at his nose and ears, but it wasn’t so cold that he had to wear gloves. Which he was grateful for, because the night sky was clear and the moon shone like a bright crescent bone. Even in the middle of the city, the stars peeked out of the inky blackness, sparkling down flashes of wishes and mystery. Ignacio used to come to this building when he was feeling uncreative, when he needed peace and solace and scenery.

He loved the view of the park at night from here, especially on those not so clear nights. Off in the distance of a sea of shadows made from tree tops, he could see the small bridge leading to the rose garden interior. The hanging lights that draped across its rails and supports dipped and glittered, turning light dancers against the wind and the dark. He wasn’t up here today for inspiration; he was here on a mission. The last few days his obsession with the three sketches had been building and building. Everything but the basic necessities became insignificant to him; all his effort, time and attention had turned to working and reworking the shadows on those sketches. Though they had started out as simple sketches of common urban buildings, they grew darker and darker – but as he worked on them he felt that he was getting closer to unraveling some deep secret.

Then just this morning, Kumanda busted in his doorframe. According to Kumanda, he had been calling nonstop, but Ignacio didn’t remember ever hearing the phone. What scared him even more was that he didn’t notice Kumanda break into his small studio apartment. It was only when his giant friend ripped the sketchbook out of his hands did the world come slowly back into focus.

After a few calls to have the door fixed, Kumanda physically dragged him back to his own apartment and put his sketchbook under lock and key. At some point Ignacio fell unconscious during all of this only later to wake up to a deep humming and heavenly smelling food. Kumanda spent the rest of the day nursing over him, asking him probing questions about these three sketches that had taken over his life and his sanity. But he didn’t have any answers, he didn’t know why he couldn’t tear himself away, or why he felt a desperate need to return to them and finish what he had started. His giant friend kept insisting that he see a woman he knew that was some sort of healer, but Ignacio was feeling as foolish as he could without adding another person to the mix. He kept telling Kumanda that he was feeling better and that he could go back home, but Kumanda was having none of it.

“Blood of by blood, I tell you something. Before you rock up back to you house, you got to have yourself a bosberaad .” Ignacio shook his head, “You realize that sometimes I have no idea what you’re talking about right. What does “bosber-whatever” even mean?”

“What it means. You got to find yourself a safe place. A place that sings in your heart. Secret, hey! Then you look in yourself, and you look in your problem. You let your place sing to you and you come up with a plan. Like a plan you make before going to war. You understand?”

“Do you mean, come up with a strategy?”

And that’s how Ignacio ended up here, the one place that brought him solace and clarity, in an empty room on the seventh floor of a once abandoned ten story apartment building. Kumanda almost refused to let him out, but in the end he convinced him. He was glad to be away from the sketches and he was glad to have some room to breathe, those drawings had been suffocating him – drawing out his breath like a malevolent spirit.

Perhaps Kumanda had been right, maybe he should see that healer woman, but for right now all the medicine he needed was right here. A beautiful city park sprawled out before him, a fresh sketchpad with no memories and only promise and a box of brand new pencils. Already he felt more alive than he had in weeks. Ignacio continued making sketches of the park, trying to bring out how it seemed larger and deeper when the ambient lights of the city behind it sparkled through. It wasn’t that he was a great artist but he was a good one, and it was in moments like this that he did his best work.

He was just starting to attempt to put some shading on the preliminary outlines when he looked up and saw a woman’s figure hurtle past his window on a direct course for the all too hard concrete below. Ignacio suddenly realized he was at the fifth floor, running down toward the ground floor when his brain gave him told him it would be a good idea to call the authorities just in case she might be still alive. He reached down with a light mocha hand and patted the front of his black jean pocket. He cursed out loud, he had left it up on the seventh floor and now he had to decide, go back up and make the call or go down and see if the woman was still alive. One leg seemed to want to go up and the other seemed to want to go down as his mind struggled with the decision. He didn’t know if it was weakness at not wanting to see the remains of what a body looked like from that high of a fall, he decided that it would be better to call first. Ignacio pushed his five foot eleven inch frame up the flight of stairs and though he wasn’t exactly in the bad condition by the time he reached the top his legs were burning. He grabbed his cell phone and made his way down back down all the while dialing for emergency services. He was almost to the sixth floor by the time the operator came on the line.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“I’m at the vacant apartment building on the corner of Rosemary and Dove in the Golden Hills area. I’m not sure what the address is, but it used to be called The Kierkegaard. I just saw a woman falling past my window; she must have been up on the tenth floor or the roof.”

Ignacio had to put on hand on the handrail and had to slow his pace a little.

“And can you see whether or not woman is hurt from where you are?”

He was now almost to the fourth floor.

“I was up on the seventh floor, I tried to look out the window but I couldn’t see anything. I’m my way down there now.”

Ignacio heard her typing and several voices in the background speaking.

“And what is your name sir?”

“My name is Ignacio Steele, I. G. N. A. C. I. O. S.T.E.E.L.E.”

“Okay Mr. Steele, you said you were on your way down to check on the woman correct?”

He was almost to the second floor now.

“Yeah only a couple of flights to go and I’ll be there.”

The operator kept her voice calm and professional.

“I’ve dispatched emergency services to your location; I would like you to keep me on the line until they reach you. In the case she is injured I may have to walk you through some basic first aid, is this going to be okay with you Mr. Steele.”

Ignacio reached the main corridor, and instead of heading to the main entrance, which he knew was firmly locked and unmovable he headed to one of a door that had the number 17A written on it. He ran toward the front entrance as he made his way past the doors of the apartments and quickly stopped at the first one on the left. He put his shoulder to the door and used his weight and his momentum to fight against the warped wood. With a satisfying groaning and splintering sound the door gave way and he made his way past the remains of the apartment in their long ago half burnt state. Ignacio turned down a hallway and almost past the bedroom window that overlooked the street. Before he turned back to entered it he took a deep breath.

“Ma’am, are you still there?”

“Yes Mr. Steele, I’m still here.”

“I’m about to go into the room that overlooks the street where she should have landed.”

“I understand Mr. Steele, just take you time, if you feel faint sit down, put your head between your knees and breathe deeply. The authorities are almost there, but until then I need for you to check on the woman, can you do that Mr. Steele?”

Ignacio steadied himself and very slowly and deliberately made his way into a small bedroom.

“Yes.”

The window was covered in years of dirt and grime so he couldn’t see anything immediately. As he got closer he began to be able to make out faint details of the building opposite of this one. An empty sort of dread crawled into his stomach and into the back of his mind, he continued forward numbly. He was only two or three feet away from the window, from here he could see the very faint details of the sidewalk in front of him. He couldn’t see a body. He rushed to the window; using his shirt as a rag he wiped away the dirt leaving a small imperfect circle of clarity. He looked directly under the window ledge but saw nothing, he flattened his face against the window and looked into the street directly ahead of him. Ignacio looked left and then right, her body wasn’t anywhere that he could see. He took a step back, he knew this building like a second home, it was his refuge from the world and he knew that if she fell from where she did this is where her body would be. Even if the woman he saw had survived she couldn’t have crawled that far and even though he was no doctor, common sense told the she certainly didn’t walk away.

“I don’t understand.”

“What is it Mr. Steele, do you see the woman.”

Ignacio was about to tell her that he didn’t see anyone, the words were half formed on his lips when a body shaped, black and white flash went past the window. A split second later a horrifying wet, crunching sound followed it. Red gore and bits and pieces of unidentifiable meaty bits splattered against the outside of the window. Ignacio sat down and put his head between his knees.

“Oh my god!”

“Mr. Steele? Mr. Steele what do you see? Mr. Steele!”




So I know it's been awhile and I apologize for that. I will continue to post as I can. I will be putting up a overview of all that has happened in the story sometime in the next few weeks while I wait for poll suggestions and poll results.
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Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm    Post subject:  

Oooh... now IF has TWO characters with the last name Steele! ;)

I'm so pleased to see a return to your story, Emporer, and your writing quality is nearing a professional level indeed. I only noticed a few little niggles, one of which is to please separate some of those paragraphs a bit more... got lost in one of them.

As for the DP, is this a 'how do you react to this situation' DP? If so, check the body... immediately. Tell the lady on the phone to hold on for a sec, then give her a report on what you find. It's very suspicious that she hadn't fallen all the way by the time he reached there already... something's off with our 'victim'. I suspect a bit of a poltergeist type of replaying haunting.
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kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:59 pm    Post subject:  

Really? I saw that there might be something off with our main character >>

First he gets absolutely absorbed by some sketches, and then he sees someone falling but gets to the bottom before the person actually lands. It think pershaps he somehow got into some's head without realizing it.

but then again, I'm just coming in without having read the other chapters XD (will get to)

so, what is the DP?
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Thunderbird



Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Posts: 2139
Location: Rising from the ashes

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm    Post subject:  

Ah... yes, perhaps he's developing precognition a'la' the Heroes series painters.
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Smee



Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 11:15 pm    Post subject:  

I wandered in here, thinking perhaps a newbie had stumbled upon an oldie, or that TB was trying to stir up such interest... only to see a new chapter. *gasp*

I'll get this read when I can. Oooh.

Happy Writing :)

P.S Give Reiso a prod when you get a chance, Emperor!
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Smee



Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:57 am    Post subject:  

Hey again Emperor.

Definitely a good chapter. A bit chilling, beautiful imagery as usual, and intriguing in general. Many questions are thrown up.

~

Some technicalities for you, I know how you love them :

Just some typos and slightly jumbled sentences...

Quote: Halfway through, the turned on the faucet and slurped up handful after handful of water.

Quote: He was in just starting to attempt to put some shading on the preliminary outlines

Quote: He flew past he ran toward the front entrance as he made his way past the doors of the apartments the quickly stopped at the first one

~

I was starting off on thinking she'd merely hit some balconies on the way down or something, delaying her fall. But the comments here have put the more suspicious and weird thoughts in my head now too.

Poltergeist, precognition... fun and interesting thoughts. Being trapped in his picture drawing. Very 'heroes' like when the eyes go white in their trance and they're completely absorbed in their work.

Questions without answers at the moment I feel. The only decision to make right now I would say is to follow the advice from the emergency services opperator.

Happy Writing :)
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:29 am    Post subject:  

Every time I've settled down to this one I've been pulled away... but will get to it within the next 48 hours! :)
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 12:38 pm    Post subject:  

I think I know which scene this follows on from... and I'm thinking that this is a different body. He needs to get out there and examine the remains, and just do what the operator says.



An excellent chapter there, and the opening sequence of events was beautifully written. My greatest niggle is that you more or less recapitulate the same sequence of events in the next scene - only much less eloquently. I think you could probably cut half of that enormous paragraph, and it wouldn't be missed.

So glad to see Symphony's Requiem back and running again. :cool:
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Emperor



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 11:38 am    Post subject:  

Thunderbird wrote:
I'm so pleased to see a return to your story, Emporer, and your writing quality is nearing a professional level indeed. I only noticed a few little niggles, one of which is to please separate some of those paragraphs a bit more... got lost in one of them.


Thank you for you input Thunderbird, as always I appreciate your readership. Crunchy has warned me about my paragraph length and I have tried to address that. What portions were too long, I will separate them immediately.

kkdestiny wrote: Really? I saw that there might be something off with our main character >>


so, what is the DP?

Welcome to the world of Symphony kkdestiny. As you have astutely put it, there is something off with Ignacio, as with pretty much every other character in this story. I look forward to what you have to say as you both catch up and things develop.

I have to apologize to everyone about the lackluster decision point, my initial concept of this scene was to immediately follow one of the main character's Symphony jumping off the roof. Trying to heed good advice in making the chapters a little shorter I broke it in two.

Smee wrote: Hey again Emperor.

A bit chilling, beautiful imagery as usual, and intriguing in general.

~

Some technicalities for you, I know how you love them :


~

Very 'heroes' like when the eyes go white in their trance and they're completely absorbed in their work.



Thank you for the compliment Smee. And yes as much as I despise my flub up's I do love the fact that I can count on your eagle eyes to find them for me. The mistakes that you find only make be a better writer and I appreciate that.

I hadn't thought of the Heroes connection, even though I used to watch it. I only have two defenses, one this is an old story that I'm completely retooling through the SG process and two - as the saying goes - if your going to steal subliminally then steal from what's good.

Crunchyfrog wrote: I think I know which scene this follows on from... and I'm thinking that this is a different body.

My greatest niggle is that you more or less recapitulate the same sequence of events in the next scene - only much less eloquently. I think you could probably cut half of that enormous paragraph, and it wouldn't be missed.

So glad to see Symphony's Requiem back and running again. :cool:


Good eye's Crunchy - and though it is not made clear as of this moment, it is a different body.

Could you either post or PM me your idea's of what you think could be pared down. As you know I have tried to apply all suggestions you and everyone else has given me.

Feels good to be writing again, though I make no promises as to my speed. I think I went through a slump because my readership went way down. That and a general apathy about writing.
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 5:03 am    Post subject:  

Emperor wrote:
Could you either post or PM me your idea's of what you think could be pared down. As you know I have tried to apply all suggestions you and everyone else has given me.


OK here's the paragraph, with my thoughts in blue added in-line:
Quote: The cool night wind bit at his nose and ears, but it wasn’t so cold that he had to wear gloves. Which he was grateful for, because the night sky was clear and the moon shone like a bright crescent bone. Even in the middle of the city, the stars peeked out of the inky blackness, sparkling down flashes of wishes and mystery. Ignacio used to come to this building when he was feeling uncreative, when he needed peace and solace and scenery. He loved the view of the park at night from here, especially on those not so clear nights. Off in the distance of a sea of shadows made from tree tops, he could see the small bridge leading to the rose garden interior. The hanging lights that draped across its rails and supports dipped and glittered, turning light dancers against the wind and the dark. He wasn’t up here today for inspiration; he was here on a mission. The last few days his obsession with the three sketches had been building and building. Everything but the basic necessities became insignificant to him; all his effort, time and attention had turned to working and reworking the shadows on those sketches. Though they had started out as simple sketches of common urban buildings, they grew darker and darker – but as he worked on them he felt that he was getting closer to unraveling some deep secret.
I may be wrong but it it seems to me that the point of everything in this paragraph up to here is to describe what this place means to him, and that he has come here to try and understand why those three sketches consumed him in the way yhey did.

Then just this morning, Kumanda busted in his doorframe. According to Kumanda, he had been calling nonstop, but Ignacio didn’t remember ever hearing the phone. What scared him even more was that he didn’t notice Kumanda break into his small studio apartment. It was only when his giant friend ripped the sketchbook out of his hands did the world come slowly back into focus.
This is the section that rehashes the scene before. You have already described these events, as they happened. This section seems a poor shadow of what was a powerful opener to this chapter. It doesn't further the plot, and detracts from the purpose of this new scene.

After a few calls to have the door fixed, Kumanda physically dragged him back to his own apartment and put his sketchbook under lock and key. At some point Ignacio fell unconscious during all of this only later to wake up to a deep humming and heavenly smelling food. Kumanda spent the rest of the day nursing over him, asking him probing questions about these three sketches that had taken over his life and his sanity. But he didn’t have any answers, he didn’t know why he couldn’t tear himself away, or why he felt a desperate need to return to them and finish what he had started. His giant friend kept insisting that he see a woman he knew that was some sort of healer, but Ignacio was feeling as foolish as he could without adding another person to the mix. He kept telling Kumanda that he was feeling better and that he could go back home, but Kumanda was having none of it.
This section describes what happened directly after the first scene was cut off. It it includes the reason why Ignacio is now at this empty building, but because it is told retrospectively, it lacks the impact of the initial scene.

We don't know much about Ignacio and Kumanda so far, beyond that brief scene in the smithy, and Ignacio's letter to Wendy about the autopsy of the car-crash victims. It is only at the end of this chapter (as far as I can see) that we begin to see their thread of the plot coming closer to that of Leif.

If it were me, I'd continue the opening scene as it is happening, right through Kumanda dragging him to his own apartment, nursing him and questioning him to the point where he has to get to this other building to try and clear his head. These events give an excellent opportunity to develop the relationship between Ignacio and Kumanda. It would also mean that the second and third sections of the above quoted para could be removed as they'd be redundant.

But... that's just me. (and btw, TB is right, that para needs breaking up a little bit! ;) )
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Tikanni Corazon



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Posts: 1286
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:11 am    Post subject:  

Brilliant chapter, Emperor! So well written. :)

I'm guessing that this is carrying on from the end of chapter five, but from a different perspective, so I'm thinking that the body that Ignacio just saw land on the street outside is possibly not even female.

So the immediate action would have to be, go out and check the body. Even if the impact of the fall has made it unrecognisable, he should still be able to discern whether it is a man or a woman.

Again, great chapter, and I look forward to the next! :)
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Emperor



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:04 pm    Post subject:  

Tikanni Corazon wrote: Brilliant chapter, Emperor! So well written. :)

I'm guessing that this is carrying on from the end of chapter five, but from a different perspective, so I'm thinking that the body that Ignacio just saw land on the street outside is possibly not even female.

So the immediate action would have to be, go out and check the body. Even if the impact of the fall has made it unrecognisable, he should still be able to discern whether it is a man or a woman.

Again, great chapter, and I look forward to the next! :)

Great to see you Tikanni and thank you for reading and your praise. I'm glad that you picked up on the fact that it might have been a man, seeing how my previous chapter was so long ago it is good to see that you and Crunchy pick up on that little bit of mystery.
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Emperor



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:07 pm    Post subject:  

So with all of the suggestions and comments in I'm going to put up the poll. I apologize for not leaving too much wiggle room for what DP's there could be. While I wait for the results I will work on fixing all the above mention suggestions - of which all are welcome.
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PopeAlessandrosXVIII



Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Posts: 1858
Location: Surrounded by many beautiful naked men

Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Symphony's Requiem: Chapter 6  

Emperor wrote: “I understand Mr. Steele, just take you time, if you feel faint sit down, but your head between your knees and breathe deeply. The authorities are almost there, but until then I need for you to check on the woman, can you do that Mr. Steele?”


I, um, couldn't help BUT giggle at the fact that a lot of people missed the miss spelling.... But, anyway, It took 2 days, but I'm all caught up!

I enjoys this story. Seems a but more real world than most I've looked in on. And much more so that I'm used to reading. I'ma Fantasy/Sci-fi'er mostly. I'm absolutely in love with Kumanda, and the badguy, Lux! They are two of my favorite kinds of guys.

I can't wait for the next chapter, so I can present some of my ideas. I adore your descriptiveness. You are the first on this site I've found that truly wraps the reader into the world, rather than just presenting it to them. As for the paragraph thing.....I guess I'm weird. I like big blocks of writing. For some reason it helps my flow when reading. I get adgetated when people do a string of 1-2 lines with a break in between each. Or even one word, then a break.

What funny is, on this site, for the first time, I was asked to make my paragraphs longer.....but, I'm reambling, sorry! *Bows*

Looking forward to updates!!!
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Emperor



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 1:35 pm    Post subject: Re: Symphony's Requiem: Chapter 6  

PopeAlessandrosXVIII wrote:

I enjoys this story. Seems a but more real world than most I've looked in on. And much more so that I'm used to reading. I'ma Fantasy/Sci-fi'er mostly. I'm absolutely in love with Kumanda, and the badguy, Lux! They are two of my favorite kinds of guys.
As for the paragraph thing.....I guess I'm weird. like big blocks of writing.

Thanks for the catch and for the insight Alessandros. Despite my writing my favorite genre is actually fantasy also. As for the paragraph thing, well, I must bow to the majority of my readers in this case. But its good to know that I'm not the only one who does it. I look forward to your posts and your suggestions.
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Emperor



Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:04 pm    Post subject:  

Okay, I've tried to break up the paragraphs even more. I hope this accomplishes fixing what was being pointed out. If not please let me know and I will take a look at where it could be broken apart even more.

Crunchy - I'm still looking at the those things that could be edited down or changed.
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Crunchyfrog



Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 11:45 pm    Post subject:  

The paragraph spacing is looking much better now. :)
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