City of IF

[Kalanna Rai]

Modern society meets fairy tale. Suggested and now here for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
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Chapter One: Unlikely Hero

I hate her. So badly. Five days ago I was just an average joe, driving home from work. Okay so maybe I was driving a little too fast for the weather conditions, the worst storm in fifty years had just decided to unleash it's fury on my home town, but that's no good reason to ruin a man's life. And so I happened to hit her, you would have too when she falls out of thin air. Perhaps I should start at the beginning....
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He'd shut the radio off ten minutes ago, sick of the 'up to the minute' broadcasts about storm damage and the incessant warnings urging residents to get off the streets and under shelter. He was almost home, only two blocks away, and his windshield wipers were a blur of action as they fought the driving rain. Every once and a while, a powerful gust of wind would rock his car and send it skating down the road. He'd almost wet himself twice when he hadn't been able to instantly regain control of the vehicle.

He was hunched forward, hands clasped white-knuckled on the leather steering wheel grip, eyes squinted like some underground creature exposed to light. He could barely see his headlights illuminating the lines on the road ahead of him, swerving to avoid flying debris now and again. But when the woman tumbled out of empty space ahead of him there was no swerving to be done. The car impacted her with a sickening thump, followed by two more thumps as he drove over the top of her before managing to stop.

He sat there shaking for a moment before prying himself out of his damp seat and opening the car door. The pinging of the door alarm and the squeaking of the windshield wipers were drowned out by the storm that now lashed at him. Fighting for each step, soaked before he'd gone more than one, he made his way back to the still figure lying in the middle of the street. He wanted to just leave but with his luck, odds were good someone had seen him and besides, he was already out of the car. Too late to go speeding off now.

So instead he gathered her up, the loose garments she was twisted in bunching oddly in his arms. She weighed almost nothing, like a bird, despite being a woman of size. The face she was a woman was not up to question...her endowments spoke for her even at high speed. Still, high class endowments and strange clothing or not, she was stuffed unceremoniously in the back seat and the door was slammed for him by the wind. Prying open his own door, he settled back into his seat with a cold shiver and a hearty squish, both from damp clothing and upholstry.

He should have checked for vital signs, should have checked to see if she was dead or alive. There was no way he was making it to the hospital in this mess, he'd be lucky if he could make it home. Shaking both from hypothermia and shot nerves, he put his foot back on the gas and eased off on the break, creeping home at a sedate pace of three miles per hour. Better safe than sorry...er.

His small house with it's weedy lawn and it's peeling paint was never a more welcome sight. And on the upside the storm had taken care of the fence he'd been meaning to repair...although he doubted his neighbors would enjoy picking the bits of splintered wood out of their prized rosebushes come morning. His heated garage was even more welcome, providing safety for his car and secrecy as he unloaded his gruesome bundle. He may have, he wasn't sure, smacked her on the door-frame when he packed her into the house, he was too incoherent with cold at that point.

Instead he dumped her on the couch, getting his first good look at her. Her skin was pale, her face flawless, and he was already a great fan of her womanly figure and all it's endowments. Her clothing was decidedly odd though. After prying off the first layer, which was nothing more than a thick blanket-like swath of fabric pinned with a metal clasp in the center of her chest, he could only stare at the bizarre garb below. Was she an actor, still in costume? That would explain the wide leather belt with it's pouches on the side, the tall leather boots and soft leather pants. The shirt was of a strange cut and make...

Her eyes opened, brilliant as cut emeralds, a hand shooting out to catch his wrist as he moved to undo the clasp in the center of her chest. She slowly sat up, dragging his arm with her in a super-human grip of steel. "Mortal, I will ask you this question once and only once. Did you see the thief?"

Life would never be the same...
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And so begins the tale of magical artifacts in a modern world.

[Thunderbird]

Excellence in writing personified there Rai! Drew me in right away. My only niggle is the perspective shift from the first blurb to the rest was a little disorienting. But that's quite minor and shouldn't overshadow that the rest of this is really good. The pace is quick, which I would request isn't completely overdone. But yeah, you've improved as an author 800 fold since I began reading your work way back when and it really shows how much you've developed.

As for the DP... sheesh... of course we didn't! Stammer out an apology for hitting her with his car would be the first thing on my mind, working in... 'what thief?'

[tayfinch]

Well... this was certainly an interesting start! I'll certainly be following to see where this one goes.

I'm confident that this will turn out to be a really good storygame, and I'm looking forward to participating. That said, I did have a few things I wanted to address and get your reaction to:

The perspective shift was a little choppy, in this I agree with Thunderbird, but it wasn't my main concern while reading. I spent the whole first chapter baffled by the main character. What a... well... character!

Here's what I mean:

Quote: He wanted to just leave but with his luck, odds were good someone had seen him and besides, he was already out of the car. Too late to go speeding off now.

I was a little shocked to read his reaction! Speed off and leave her? What kind of guy is this? Oh... right... The type of guy who, after hitting a lady with a "sickening thump," doesn't think it necessary to go to the hospital.

Quote: She weighed almost nothing, like a bird, despite being a woman of size. The face she was a woman was not up to question...her endowments spoke for her even at high speed... Instead he dumped her on the couch, getting his first good look at her. Her skin was pale, her face flawless, and he was already a great fan of her womanly figure and all it's endowments. Her clothing was decidedly odd though. After prying off the first layer, which was nothing more than a thick blanket-like swath of fabric pinned with a metal clasp in the center of her chest, he could only stare at the bizarre garb below. Was she an actor, still in costume?

His reaction to hitting the woman scared me, but I was a little put off by his constant reference to her womanly "endowments" and the fact that, after possibly killing her, he takes her home to his house and starts taking off her clothes. That's not okay in normal-people world.

So! Here's what I want to ask you:

1. What is this guy's name?
2. Is he crazy?

: ) All the same, he's made for an interesting character. I look forward to unraveling the way his mind works as the story progresses.

[Oh, and lastly: I think the references to losing control of his excretory functions was a little overdone (one or two too many references made it seem like a theme, which was a little much)]

[tayfinch]

Oh, and as for the DP:

I think you should work in an apology or explanation from him. A big one. My vote is that he didn't initially even catch the whole "thief" bit.

[Kalanna Rai]

Alright, I'll edit the perspective shift tomorrow, perhaps even take it out completely.

And Tay, perhaps you're right. College humor never was my sort of thing.

[Lebrenth]

The perspective shift didn't seem jarring to me, also I think it's perfectly reasonable to consider driving off after hitting someone. Certainly it isn't the right thing to do, but the consequences can be enormous for hitting someone. I consider myself a good person, but I can't say I wouldn't even think about driving off without trying to help. The important part is that he did help. I also think repeating the important details is good for reinforcement. He's carrying an unconscious well-endowed woman, I can easily imagine his eyes wandering several times.

I think the main character's foibles make him human and very relatable. He's driving during a storm though he's been warned not to... I've been there. He's just had an accident and he momentarily considered bailing, I've been there too (didn't hit a person though). And he keeps staring at an attractive woman at an inappropriate time... yeah, guilty here too. Totally relatable, and since it's not happening to me, it's even kind of funny.

I think the pacing and descriptions are great. Within the short chapter (I prefer short chapters, by the way), we have a lot of concise description and action. It kept my rapt attention throughout. I would have liked a better DP, since it seems we can't say anything more than "What thief?", but otherwise we're solid. The first chapter often serves as a introduction. I would like to see a tough or interesting DP for the next chapter though. Kalanna, please give us more than a "Are you sure you want to go an adventure?" kind of DP. You can assume that whatever wild ride this buxom beauty wants to take us on, we're interested.

[Kalanna Rai]

This was originally a prologue, there was no dp intended. But since the first two readers took a dp and ran with it I just made it the first chapter. Better decisions for you to make are forthcoming.

[tayfinch]

Sweet. We're all looking forward to it.

[Guest]

Very Nice Kalanna, a good story plot. I'm wondering if I can catch up on reading everything that is going on this side. I'll keep an eye on your story, I quite like the idea of a person falling from thin air. Bootz! I love bootz! :P Anyway! LOVE THE STORY! :D Erm. I would imagine any guys' eyes would wonder. I would have wondered if I hit a hooker on the street... haha :P

[Kalanna Rai]

And we're polling.

[PopeAlessandrosXVIII]

I personally have never had the inappropriate eye wandering for bit tittles, but I do understand the issue for other reasons.

But enough of that!

The story seems awsome! Is she a god, angel, devil, demon, or somthing else all together? Can't wait to find out! I saw a spelling mistake I can't seem to remember......Besides that, well done! I like this jerk so far! :lol:

[Kalanna Rai]

And here we go. Enjoy!
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Chapter Two: Little White Lies

He just stood there for a long moment, transfixed by the green eyed woman and her grip of steel on his wrist. His mouth hung open wide enough that a 'For Sale' sign encouraging flies to move in may have been posted. The green eyed woman, however, was not a patient woman. Her grip tightened painfully, the audible sound of the bones in his wrist popping as the pressure increased catching his attention. "Ow Ow Ow! You crazy b-lady! If you break my wrist I'm not going to tell you shit!"

She released him with an impatient snort, wiping her hand on the hem of her outer garment as if she'd touched something filth covered. Then, with an expert motion, she pushed back the bountiful waves of her scarlet hair and neatly tied them with a small bit of string. While it made her more attractive, it also allowed that green-eyed stare to transfix him completely as she uttered her next statement. "More than your wrist is going to break Joseph Avery unless I can catch that thief. The fate of many worlds hangs in the balance. So you'd best tell me what you saw and now. Spare no details."

Again his mouth hung open in absolute astonishment. Not that she was talking about the fate of worlds but that she'd just pulled his name from thin air. After a few moments, he gathered his scattered wits enough to raise a shakey finger toward her. "How-"

She reached out and flicked the piece of plastic that still hung from the lanyard around his neck."You're wearing your name tag." Pushing open the metal clasp that secured her over-garment, she let the rough material fall to the couch as she stood, stretching like a gymnast or someone preparing to do yoga. A series of popping noises followed as she went and Joe realized with a sickening lurch of his stomach that she was realigning the bones that had been put out of place by the tires of his car.

"Just what the hell are you anyway? I mean I may not have been going that fast but...who gets run over and just brushes it off?" That and the fact she'd originally referred to him as 'mortal'. "Look, I'm agnostic, I don't believe in God(s) or any of that shit but..."

Green eyes flicked up at him and she raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a goddess Joseph Avery, nor am I in any way less than mortal. I am, however, considerably more resilient than your normal mortal. I am an Archivist, a keeper of knowledge, secrets, lore, and relics. And if you have never heard the phrase 'Knowledge is Power' then you are the single greatest fool I've come across in my existence." A last crack echoed in the room as she flexed her shoulders backward in an impossible contortion. "There, much better. Anyway enough dawdling, to the business at hand. What did you see Joseph Avery. What do you know about the thief?"

He'd just started to settle back into the soft plush of his easy chair. Slowly his mind was convincing him it was all just some crazy dream of some kind, or a weird hallucination. That he really had crashed his car, wrapped it around a tree in his haste to dodge some obstacle in the storm and was now laying in a hospital in a coma, dreaming this impossible dream.

"Have human memories grown so frail now that you rely upon the pen instead of oral traditions? Do you really require all this time to remember what has taken place only a few minutes ago? Or are you simply trying to be sweet and dooming the existence of your world by mining your tired brain for every little bit of data that transpired in the split second between the thief's arrival and my own?" The green eyed woman chuckled nastily, flicking a dead leaf off the leather of her boot. "Flattering as that second option is, I really don't have time for woolgathering. I can always find you again if I think you have forgotten a pertinent detail."

"W-wait a second!" When had he said he'd seen anything? With a bolt of clarity he realized that he was guilty by omission. Something he'd said, or hadn't said, had led her to believe that he had seen something, when honestly all he'd seen was her impersonation of a hood ornament. However, staring into those deep green eyes, he got the distinct impression that telling her he knew nothing was a very bad idea. So the question became...what was he going to tell her?
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So...what exactly is this idea he's making up?
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Hope you liked.

[PopeAlessandrosXVIII]

Interesting. I feel kinda like the guy, all buggy eyed. She's the single most....Idiotic geneous I've seen on IF so far. Does she even have the slighest idea what it's like for a human to go through what he's just been through, or is she so omniscient, she sees things so much more quickly than and "Regular" mortal? Anyway...

The DP....Personaly, I'd say, "I didn't see a damn thing !I! recognise as a thief, BUT, if you tell me exactly what this theif looks like, I can tell you if I've seen 'em"

That kinda fits with the guys personality I belive., so I'll go with that! Nice chapter dude!

[Thunderbird]

Loved the chapter but yeah, stick to your guns... no thief was spotted and lying about it is only going to get you into worse trouble with her. However, we could offer to help find him... with a little guidance.

[Kalanna Rai]

I'll leave this one to gather a few more responses before putting up a poll.

[Lebrenth]

Yeah, not really much to tell her about the thief. However, it's not too unlikely that she's completely unfamiliar with this world. I think we should tell her we didn't see the thief at all, but would be happy to help her find the thief for a price. If she scoffs, we can throw her words back at her and remind her that knowledge is power and we know a lot about this world and perhaps more importantly we can more easily spot when something is going wrong in it.

If she accepts, I should hope that even a paltry gift from her would be quite valuable.

[Crunchyfrog]

Have caught up now, and voted.

[Lebrenth]

I didn't see the poll go up, thanks for posting Crunchy!