City of IF

[Kalanna Rai]

Romance is not my forte, thus this is an exercise at strengthening my weakest genre. All comments, constructive or confused, are welcome. Enjoy.
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A Touch of Kindness

Chapter One- January

January was the cold month. The snows that made the Holiday's so enjoyable and fun were gray with grit and frozen into hard ruts of ice. There were no more snowball fights, just ice chunks hurled by the crueler children. No more sledding, just slip sliding as people tried to get from place to place. The warmth of the gathered family faded as relatives returned to their rightful homes and the freedom of winter was replaced by the return of school. For Kent Baker, the return of classes and classmates was the worst of it all. The doctors had finally convinced his parents that it was a good idea to allow him to return to public school.

His eyes were still milky but enough of the damage to his corneas had been repaired to give him enough sight to read if the print was big enough and he wore his glasses. Months of physical therapy had restored enough motion in his fingers that he could print legibly again, turn pages, and even eat without needing a bib or someone's help. More therapy had allowed him to walk, to bend and twist as normal.

But one thing no amount of therapy could give back was his self confidence. That was something he had to find on his own and the doctors were sure that going back to school and seeing his friends and peers again would restore it quickly. He'd laughed bitterly at them when they'd explained it to him, then stalked out of the room with the help of the cane he'd always need from now on. Hadn't they noticed anything? Hadn't they noticed how his 'friends' had come to see him less and less until they finally stopped coming? How his girlfriend had gone from visiting, to calling, to texting, until she finally e-mailed him to tell him she'd been seeing someone else for a while and that it was time to call it quits.

What had he done to deserve this? Who had he wronged for this kind of karmic vengeance? All he'd done was the same thing he did every summer...he'd gone camping with friends. They'd hiked up to their usual lake and set up their tents the same way they had for the past three summers, ever since they'd been old enough their parents had let them go by themselves. They'd fished and swam and gone for treks through the wilderness, just the three of them. Talking about the year past, the year ahead, about plans made and plans abandoned.

They'd dumped a pail of water on the fire, just like usual, and gone to bed in their tents. During the night the wind had picked up, stirring a few embers the water had missed. A spark had jumped from those still live coals and caught the dry pine needles Kent had padded under his tent on fire. Then it had caught his tent on fire. By the time his friends had gotten him free, the damage had been done and Kent would forever live with the reminder that one could never be too careful when it came to fire.

His back and shoulders had gotten the worst of it and were now a seething mass of scars. His thighs were also fairly bad, where he'd turned from side to side. Burning bits of tent had stuck to his forearms and, while flailing madly trying to get it off, Kent had severely burned his hands and gotten some on his face. It had seared the flesh under his eyes and along his cheekbones. Some had even gotten into his eyes. To this day he had eyebrows, but no eyelashes. That, however, was the least of his concerns. His eyes themselves had been burned, slightly, for which the doctors said be lucky. He still had some sight left although they weren't sure how long he would keep it.

So now here he was, swathed in bulky clothing, fingerless gloves across his mauled hands, and those massively thick glasses over his now milky eyes. His bag was more like wheel on luggage, the skin of his shoulders and back too sensitive to have something weighing as much as that on them for extended periods of time. The moment he came through the doors, the formerly popular boy listened as the hubbub of the hall died down. He could feel every eye turn to him and where once he'd have been greeted by people happy to see him back he was now greeted by uncomfortable whispers. Didn't they realize that he'd gone partially blind...not totally deaf?

"Assholes." The explicative was like a cannon shot, breaking the standoff and getting everyone talking at normal volume about normal things again. Through the crowd a tall, dark form muscled it's way up to where Kent stood. "Hey Kent, you look good."

"Bullshit Bobby. I look like a goddamn corpse. Look, I've even got the stupid grin." Another side effect of the burns on his face, the skin was pulled tight by the shiny scars, his mouth forever smiling...even though the emotions he felt were the furthest thing from happy. "Being bold aren't you? Won't being seen with me ruin your reputation?"

"Fuck my reputation. You're my friend Kent and if my parents hadn't decided to go help malaria victims in Africa I'd have been here for you buddy. But..." The dark skinned youth sighed. "I'm sorry Kent, I should have found a way to come back. From the looks of it you could have used me around for the past couple months pal."

"It's alright Bobby...I'm just glad you're here now. You sure you're okay being seen with me? We're going to be eating a lot of lunches alone from now on."

Bobby snorted, chuckling in that slow, dorky way of his. "Kent, until you decided to come sit with me that day in eighth grade, I'd never eaten my lunch any other way. So if I convince people to come sit with you this time around...I guess it's just one more way of balancing the scales bro." His large hand raised to slap Kent on the back, then lowered again. "So..ah...with your accident and all I guess you don't know if anyone new and cute has moved to school since this year started huh?"

That drew a laugh from Kent, the first real one in a while. "Bobby, even if they had I can't really see that well anymore. I can tell you there are a few fine sets of legs in the Burn Ward at Springwood Cross Hospital though. But...well...that's kinda been the last thing on my mind. Between PT and recovery and home school, fucking home school...can you believe it? I almost die and my Dad still wouldn't let me get out of schoolwork. He did graciously allow me the luxury of getting C's though..." He laughed bitterly again. "Bobby...lots of nights...I wish I had died..."

"Don't say that. Dammit Kent, don't. Now look, I make you this promise here and now. By this time next month I will have found you the finest of fine girlfriends. Brains, beauty, personality...the whole package. And if I don't, then so help me you have my permission to go take a swim of the Claremont Street bridge."

Not that Kent needed Bobby's permission to carry out suicide plan number thirty-six. But having someone to drive him the fifteen miles to that bridge would be better than trying to catch a bus there. "Bobby...you don't need to go hire a hooker or some shit. Just be my friend huh? That's what I really want right now...just a friend."

But as the bell rang and Kent started determinedly toward his next class, Bobby was already thinking. Kent needed someone, someone who'd understand, someone to be there. Bobby could be his friend, but nothing even remotely close to what Kent was going through had touched Bobby's life. Kent needed someone who knew...but where was he going to find a girl like that?
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Bobby is worried for his suicidal friend, but has he made a promise he can't keep? Where will he find this perfect mystery girl or will he find her at all?
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Not sure how this one is going to turn out or if it even will. It's just a leap in the unfamiliar water for me. Hope you liked.

[Shillelagh]

The small things I noticed: You have 'Holidays' written as a singular possessive, and 'fingerless gloves' makes me think of golf or biker gloves, instead of the mittens I think you meant.

For being bad at romance, you set the challenge bar really high here. I don't see where the love could come from, given all of the other story elements that are liable to drown it out. This is an insanely depressing start, and that's not about to change anytime soon. If it weren't for the last few paragraphs, I'd think this is the middle of a story about two guys and their friendship. One guy is a friend to the loner, he gets burned in a tragic accident, and the favor is returned. Boom. Lifetime Network special. Kent is insanely troubled and depressed here. I'm not convinced he can handle friends and normal socialization, let alone anything romantic.

And that's really the issue here. He hasn't been here for five minutes, and he's already wishing for an end? An end that it turns out he's been wanting for the past six months? Unless it turns out that Kent is a dark humor sort of guy who's overly negative, I don't think the DP is about where to find a girl. It's about the suicide situation, and which authority figure should be told first- the teachers, the parents, or the doctors.

[PopeAlessandrosXVIII]

I like me a dark ending and a good challenge, and here you provided both, way to go!


I think the best way to go about finding a GF for our tragic hero will be mostly tires and fails on our friend's part. I more see our hero finding love on his own while the friend tries desperatly to find a GF for him. . . . .Can I put this forward? Being gone so long, he need tutoring. . .A nice, shy, nerdy tutor, with hidden assests :P So, yeh, my idea is a kinda outcast chick as his tutor, but she's a little "Oh cry me a river" about his burns when he tries useing them as an excuse :P

Well, that's my idea, but for now, friend needs some tries and fails *Grin*

Can't wait to see more!

[Thunderbird]

I get the feeling that not only do you feel perhaps a bit uncomfortable with the genre, but you also aren't spending as much time on editing with this one so you aren't as committed to quality here as some of your others.

That said, I really like the premise so far and I love reading new forays into this genre from authors less comfortable with it. That was one of the purposes of establishing this district in the first place and I love seeing it getting such use.

I think Bobby tries a number of hookups that don't work until he stumbles across (literally) a blind girl with a big heart.

[Guest]

To be totally honest, I keep on being caught by your stories. even if I read a few words, following a story told as to how he grew up getting alot of physical help and new corneas. I can see that this girl has to have the trait to impress or empower someone when their motivation is at the least. I think this girl needs to be the same age, not anything younger. It be silly to let them look through the internet. If Kent needs someone I bet he has to run into her before anything is done with blind date, if this friend is loyal he'd stretch out the life of kent by taking him places, I do know that nobody can choose for someone else. Kents gonna get upset if he was a game...

[Andolyn]

sorry it took me so flipping long to get around to reading this! i love your work, and I wasnt disappointed. it's nice to see you exploring my realm, and i can't wait to see more. =)

for the DP, i'm going to have to go with Pope & Shille on this one...his friend is focusing on the WRONG thing here...so it's going to be up to Kent to get himself up and going. obviously this guy cares a great deal about him, so that will help. But Kent has to be the one to decide he's going to pick himself up.

let's have Bobby searching for a girl, like Pope said & eventually have Kent run into someone on his own. =)

[Thunderbird]

Yeah, Kal, please don't take my words of feedback to mean I'm not looking forward to more on this one! Still looking forward to this developing.

[Emperor]

Kalanna Rai wrote: Holiday's so enjoyable and fun were gray with grit and frozen into hard ruts of ice. Being a bit of a "Scrooge" I loved this line.

Kalanna Rai wrote: But one thing no amount of therapy could give back was his self confidence. Nice lead in and spotlight on the internal/emotional damage .

Kalanna Rai wrote: His back and shoulders had gotten the worst of it and were now a seething mass of scars. His thighs were also fairly bad, where he'd turned from side to side. Burning bits of tent had stuck to his forearms and, while flailing madly trying to get it off, Kent had severely burned his hands and gotten some on his face. It had seared the flesh under his eyes and along his cheekbones. Some had even gotten into his eyes. To this day he had eyebrows, but no eyelashes. That, however, was the least of his concerns. His eyes themselves had been burned, slightly, for which the doctors said be lucky. He still had some sight left although they weren't sure how long he would keep it. This whole paragraph was very well written, I enjoyed it quite thoroughly. My one crit on this would be the sentence that starts with "His thighs.." Everything else about this injuries in this paragraph are fairly descriptive and intense. This second sentence falls a little short in my opinion. Unless that was of course on purpose to allow the reader to catch their breath for what is to come.

Kalanna Rai wrote: And if I don't, then so help me you have my permission to go take a swim of the Claremont Street bridge."

Not that Kent needed Bobby's permission to carry out suicide plan number thirty-six. What I'm about to say is all personal opinion and has nothing to do with the writing. With that said, I hope I don't offend/upset you. The seemingly cavalier and flippant attitude about the potential of suicide seems out of place. Well, let me specify, if the character is actually serious about the suicide and the friend is actually against such and action - it seems out of place. I do understand not wanting to put too much of a spotlight on it, thus risking the whole "cry for attention" aspect. Buuuuuut in my opinion it seemed a little off putting at how it came off.



Good stuff Kalanna and much kudos to you for attempting a genre that is not in your comfort zone. I admire you bravery!