City of IF

[Kalanna Rai]

Sometimes I have these ideas. Enjoy.
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The Last Silver-Tongue

This world is corrupt, polluted. It hurts me to live in it. But I have no other choice, this is the time I was born into, the damage was already done generations before. I grew from infancy in a sheltered corner of it, a place where clean air still swept down off the mountains and grass still grew green. A place where the magic was still pure and a voice could develop sweet and true.

I watched it burn.

Now, here in the metropolis of Rudd, I am but a shadow. I walk the filthy streets and listen to the sounds of a world in pain swirling around me. There is no sun here, no stars, no sky at all. It is lost behind a thick blanket of pollution and the city is lit by the twinkling of a thousand cold blue mage-lights. There is little crime in Rudd, though the reek of desperation seeps from every appartment and home. There is only one punishment for any crime, you are sent to the Pit and there your life is extracted to power the magics that make the city run.

Because the true magic is gone, shattered like the wrecked landscape, polluted beyond recognition and repair. I carry the last of it in me and with every word I speak I give some if it away. I am the last of my kind, there will never be another, and it will not be long before I am as polluted and corrupt as this land around me.

I will not let that happen.

I have traveled across this world of mine, seeking a paradise that no longer exists. It seems that there was only the place I was born and it exists no more. Now there is only the dark oceans, choked with the debris of death and the pollution of a thousand failed alchemists. The land, grey and dead, where nothing grows save aberrations and mutated horrors. And the sky, the black skies, from which no light shines and never will again. It is a dying world. The magic is shattered and warped and in it's pained vengeance it will break the land and all that live upon it.

Down darkened roads I traveled on foot, on horseback, by car and bus. I have taken trains between cities and ships across the seas. I have flown in planes and on the back of the last great dragon. He, like I, was the last of his kind and there will never be another. I wept for a week when his great heart gave out. But such is the age I live in...all things of greatness and beauty are passing.

Here in Rudd there is nothing sacred. Unicorns become stew, boots, belts. Is it wrong of me to weep for them? Children are a good to be bartered over, infants fetch the highest prices. I try not to think about what they shall be used for...but my heart knows. This world is lit by magic and the only sure source of magic anymore is that which comes from the end of all life. If ever I am discovered I have no doubt of the tortures in store for me.

Mage lights leap and dance as I pass, their cold blue light shining silver and clear for a moment. I wish I could stop that, it draws attention. I had forgotten, it has been some time since I have been in a place as 'civilized' as Rudd. A place where they do not risk their lives in the darkness for warped bits of dead wood to burn. A place lit wholly by the magic of the dead.

I weep for those lost.

There is no crime in Rudd though the reek of desperation issues from every home, from the pours of every stone in the city. The bleak windows of the tall glass skyscrapers reflecting the winking lights below. There is only one punishment for every crime. You go to the Pit and from the Pit comes all the energy for the magics that make the city run. You do not come back from the Pit, no matter the length of sentence given.

My coin is nearly gone, I have not been able to work in Rudd. Though there is plenty of call for a traveling musician I cannot risk singing and revealing myself. Perhaps that is for the best. It has allowed me to hoard my strength, it has given me time to think, and to plan. This cannot continue, this broken and dying world. Something must happen to change the balance. Even if it is too late, perhaps a seed must be planted so that it may blossom in the next age.

I know what I must do.

I will not watch dragons die like cart horses any longer. I will not watch pixies trapped in magic-glass slowly die and expire so that we might have light while they live. I will not listen to the sacred be slaughtered and the innocent lost any longer.

When I sing next it will be the last time I sing. And all shall hear it and know that there was one last Silver-Tongue in the world. And perhaps, if I am lucky, that will be the push the Great Wheel needs and time will turn again. Perhaps, I can yet make a difference.

One last song...
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There exist dark worlds where the co-existence of technology and fantasy did not go as was hoped. This is but one of them.

[Guest]

Ah a silver tongue. Yesterday I mentioned "the last Mimzy" also I wondered when they'll show"the last unicorn" again but a silver tongue. That's great.I'd love to see you pull it off. You've done a great introduction. I'll add that ok now we know the world is at an end, and the only one to save it is silver tongue. Am I wrong or is that this not a siver tongue. So I'll add that I'll keep reading this. I'll get to the rest later on. I got this images of the character in my head and I feel like drawing. It never stopped me before. so, I've been drawing for a whole year non stop whenever I find something new to learn. o-)

[HalfEmptyHero]

Kalanna Rai wrote: Sometimes I have these ideas. Enjoy.
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The Last Silver-Tongue

This world is corrupt, polluted. It hurts me to live in it. But I have no other choice, this is the time I was born into, the damage was already done generations before. ...

...Now there is only the dark oceans, choked with the debris of death and the pollution of a thousand failed alchemists. The land, grey and dead, where nothing grows save aberrations and mutated horrors. And the sky, the black skies, from which no light shines and never will again.

An interesting read, I'll look forward to more. I have highlighted a few things that I couldn't help but comment on. You seem to do a lot of comma splicing, and while it is forgiveable in many situations, these were the ones that stood out to me most. I don't know if the first sentence is technically a comma splice, as there is only one complete clause in it. But it seems wrong to me regardless. I see what you were trying to do, but I just don't think it works here. The next sentence that I highlighted seems the perfect fit for a semi-colon and period. But I have no other choice; this is the time I was born. The damage was already done generations before. This is merely a suggestion, of course. Do with it as you will.

Then we come to the series of sentences I outlined in red/orange. I marked one of them orange because this is probably your biggest offense. That is the very reason why English teachers teach children that they are not allowed to start a sentence with the word 'and.' The first sentence is the only one of the three that is an actual complete sentence, the others are fragment. I'm assuming that you meant for this to mean "Now there is only these three things left, the ocean, the land and the sky." This is easily fixed by adding semi-colons instead of periods, or adding the verb "be" to the second and third sentences.

I hope this helps you rather than offends you, and I hope I didn't come off as overly harsh.

[Kalanna Rai]

Two things. One, this was a one time piece. Two, Half-Empty you make me feel awful that you took all this time on a piece of work that will never go beyond what it is now. It was never intended to be more than a late-night post and I will refrain from them in the future.