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misterbiz



Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Posts: 461
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:38 pm    Post subject: Deadboy  

Biz Bit: Ok this may be a little bit different as it is a screenplay. Instead of "Chapters" I will be posting scenes. It won't be as descriptive (such is the nature of screenplays) but I hope you enjoy nontheless.


Fade in:
INT. DINER - NIGHT

Deadboy sits across from Carpenter. Deadboy takes a pull from his cigarette. Carpenter takes a drag as well.

DEADBOY
So, you finally found me, eh?

CARPENTER
You made it easy.

Deadboy smiles and takes another drag. Deadboy keeps his eyes on Carpenter.

DEADBOY
Not that easy, I hope.

CARPENTER
Admittedly, you were a pain in the ass to start with. You slipped up when you offed Lazy Larry.

Deadboy takes one more drag. He puts it out and leans forward.

DEADBOY
(Angrily)
That sorry excuse for a limp-dick, shit kicking, chicken fucker got what was coming to him.

CARPENTER
I'm not saying he didn't. I'm just pointing out that that particular act is what put me on your trail.

Deadboy leans back in his seat.

DEADBOY
It was worth it. Well, it will be after what happens tonight happens.

Carpenter puts out his cigarette. He leans forward.

CARPENTER
What exactly do you think is going to happen?

Deadboy laughs and looks out the window. He waits a beat before looking back to Carpenter.

DEADBOY
You're going to escort me to my final target. There is one more person on Larry's payroll that needs a talking to.

CARPENTER
What makes you think that I'm going to take your sorry hide anywhere.

Deadboy leans forward and meets Carpenter's gaze.

DEADBOY
Because I know you, Detective. I know the psych profiles of everybody that has sniffed at my heels. You, Samuels, West. Everybody. Especially you.

A waitress walks up. Both lean back.

WAITRESS
Coffee, boys?

Deadboy waves a hand.

DEADBOY
(Dismissive)
No. Go away.

Waitress starts to leave. Carpenter stops her.

CARPENTER
Yes. I'll have another cup.

Waitress pours him a cup. She leaves. Carpenter takes a drink.

CARPENTER
Ah, that's actually not bad for a shithole of a diner like this. Now, how did you get the psych profiles?

Deadboy shrugs.

DEADBOY
How does anybody get anything? A friend helped me out.

Carpenter nods.

CARPENTER
Who?

DEADBOY
Guy named Stone. Don't worry. I'll talk about him. In time.

Carpenter laughs.

CARPENTER
This the part where you tell me the entire story of how you got mixed up in a crime war, right? How you rose out of the darkness to smite down the evil-doers?

Deadboy nods.

DEADBOY
Precisely.

CARPENTER
OK, so why don't you start at the beginning.

Deadboy shakes his head.

DEADBOY
No. Too predictable. Why don't we start where things got interesting?
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Seraphi



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2013 3:34 pm    Post subject: Re: Deadboy  

Because if I didn't do it, it would be a crime...

Stone! *girly squeal* <3

Okay, seriously now, I am loving your screenplay very much (even before the mention of Stone, haha). Like all your characters, there is a realistic grit to these two that I am already entranced by. There may be a lack of a lot of description, but the little bits that you put in there are just enough to spark the imagination - it is actually quite fun to create the scene/what the characters look like in my own mind.

Only one teensy thing...

misterbiz wrote: DEADBOY
It was worth it. Well, it will be after what happens tonight happens.

Get rid of the second "happens"

...but no issues otherwise.

Can't wait to read more! Keep up the great work, Biz! :D
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misterbiz



Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Posts: 461
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:16 pm    Post subject:  

EXT. LIQUOUR STORE - NIGHT

Deadboy stands against the wall smoking a cigarette. A pair of goons walk out of the building. They walk away. Deadboy drops his cigarette and follows them into an alley.

DEADBOY
(V.O.)
Shit got real at about eleven at night. It was a Tuesday. A couple Burgis goons were ready to get hammered. I agreed.

Deadboy pulls a hammer from inside his coat. Hits a Goon once. He falls. Deadboy hits him once more on the ground. The other one drops the bag of alcohol, spins around.

GOON
Who the fuck?

Goon starts to draw a gun. Deadboy hits him in the left knee with the hammer. Goon falls a bit. Deadboy hits him in the right. Goon starts to yell. Deadboy tackles him. Covers his mouth. Hits him in the left knee again.

DEADBOY
(Harsh Whisper)
No, no, no. Not yet. Ssshh.

Goon tries again to get his gun out. Deadoby grabs it from him and throws it.

DEADBOY
I believe that shattering your knees was a good way to tell you to put the fucking gun away. Now listen, I really want to use this again. Don't make me. Now, can you be quiet like a good boy?

Goon nods. Deadboy lets go of his mouth.

GOON
(Panting in pain)
Who the fuck are you?

Deadboy covers Goon's mouth. Hits his hand with the hammer.

DEADBOY
That was for repeating yourself. You asked that. If I was going to tell you, I would have.

Deadboy removes hand again.

GOON
What do you want?

DEADBOY
Now that's a good boy. Better question. I want you to give the Burgis Brothers a message.

Goon laughs.

GOON
Burgis Brothers? The crime bosses? Can't say I'm associated with them, chief.
Deadboy moves and covers Goon's mouth. Hits him in the groin with the hammer.

Goon starts to wail.

DEADBOY
That's for lying. Next time I have to use this, you lose a rib or three.
Deadboy removes his hand.

GOON
(Screaming)
Fuck. Fuck. You broke my fucking balls. You psycho.

Deadboy nods.

DEADBOY
Yes, I did. Now, do you know the Burgis Brothers?

Goon nods.

DEADBOY
Good. Now, you are going to let them know that their days as King shits of crap mountain are over. Signet City is mine. Got that?

GOON
Go fuck yourself.

Deadboy laughs and stands up. He kicks Goon in the side of the head and drops the hammer on his chest. Deadboy walks to the end of the alley. He stops. He turns around and walks back to the bodies. Pulls out Goon's cell phone. Dials a number, holds it to his ear.

LIAM
(O.S.)
Yeah?

DEADBOY
Once upon a time there were two little bitches.

LIAM
(O.S.)
What?

DEADBOY
They walked into a dark alley and then there they got some stitches.

LIAM
(O.S.)
Who the fuck is this?

DEADBOY
They got hammered as a message to their dumbass kings.

LIAM
(O.S. Angrily)
What the fuck is this? Willie?

DEADBOY
Deadboy's come to town so prepare to kiss my ring.

Deadboy puts the phone down on Goon's chest and takes a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He pulls out the last one and lights it. Drops the pack on the ground. Leaves the alley.

DEADBOY
(V.O.)
Now, I know what you're thinking? What the fuck was with the poem, right? What can I say? I'm a regular Eddie Poe.

Deadboy turns the corner at alley and starts walking down the street. He walks to the end of the street and stops. He stands for a moment and takes a drag from his cigarette.

CARPENTER
(V.O.)
So you just whacked a couple of lower henchmen, called the head honchos, and weren't worried about whether or not some of their friends would be on their way.

Deadboy takes another drag and smiles as a car approaches and pulls over.

DEADBOY
(V.O.)
Nope. I've got friends of my own.

Deadboy gets into the vehicle.

WOLFE
Not in the car.

Deadboy puts the cigarette out in the ashtray and tucks it behind his ear. The car starts driving away.

WOLFE
So, I take it all went according to plan?

DEADBOY
Almost, Mr. Wolfe, almost.

Wolfe grunts.

WOLFE
Almost? What's that mean?

DEADBOY
Well, I had to put the call in to the brothers myself and the goons are suffering from a bad case of death. I'm pretty sure my message got across.

WOLFE
Pretty sure?

DEADBOY
Yeah. Like upper ninetieth percentile or sureness.

WOLFE
You better be. This friendship discount between us doesn't cover suicide missions.

Wolfe pulls over.

WOLFE
Speaking of which, you have my cash.

Deadboy pulls an envelope out of jacket pocket. He tosses it into Wolfe's lap. Wolfe opens it and looks inside. He tosses it in the backseat and starts to drive away.

WOLFE
So, how'd you do it?

DEADBOY
Hammer.

WOLFE
Couldn't think of anything better?

DEADBOY
Nope. Your notes said they like the liquor store. Figured a good "getting hammered" pun was called for.

WOLFE
You chose your murder weapon so you could make a bad pun?

DEADBOY
Yep.

WOLFE
You're one sick fuck, Deadboy, you know that?

DEADBOY
Yep and soon the Burgis Brothers will to.
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Seraphi



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:02 pm    Post subject:  

Ahem *clears throat repeatedly* Wolfe!!!! *insane fangirl squeal* <3

Alrighty, now that that's out of the way. We certainly did start at where things got interesting. I am loving Deadboy's personality. His sadistic nature...and poetic originality, haha.

Why must the scenes be so short?! X3 I can't wait for more! :D
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Chilvarous Misogynst



Joined: 30 Apr 2013
Posts: 8

Posted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:52 am    Post subject:  

Aha, I like your dialogue. Everything is really easy to read so I'm not daunted when I first start. Loving the fast paced flow.
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