Storygames Home City of IF
Free online storygaming
 

The Freedom of Magic - Chapter 4 1/2 is up!
Click here to go to the original topic

 
       Storygames Home -> Storygames: Fantasy
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 11:54 am    Post subject: The Freedom of Magic - Chapter 4 1/2 is up!  

Prologue, please read but do not comment. This story game loosely based off of an rpg I made.

I dont know how long I was in the black, surrounded by the feeling of being weightless in an unknown space of nothingness. It stretched on and on, seeming like an eternity- yet it seemed so short. Can eternity be short? I don't know. I only know what it felt like, and that it didn't actually last forever.

Eternity was broken by a strange light, a steam of broken wisps that slowly cut through the nothingness with its warm blue glow. Noticing it, I was pulled from the nothingness. I watched as it moved, some of its branches disipating into the darkness. It was so beautiful, I almost didn't notice when it encircled me. When it surrounded me, I had the urge to touch it, and when I did, it glowed brighter and grew. A warmth spread through me, and I felt happy and whole. I had become one with this beautiful energy flowing around me, cutting me off from the vastness of nothing.

I felt then that I could grab ahold of this energy, so I did, and I could feel myself being jerked and carried upwards. I felt reminded of something called a sea and a dolphin, and they brought me a strange mix of happiness, excitement, and fear. But I did not know these words.

The energy drew me up, closer and closer to what I felt was our limit. Them, as it hit, it spread out so that I could see the invisible, and disipated. I began to fall. And as I began to fall, I felt another force stop me and carry me, and I felt as if I was flying. It too gave me happiness, excitement, and fear.

I came in for a steady landing...somewhere. It was ground, I knew that. And it was dark and dank, I knew that too. A head of me was a wall of pine trees, and at first, that was the only thing. Soon there were large webs of a thin white string that shone, even when there was not much light. Then on the webs, there was a large creature, just sitting and watching me. It had many legs, just as many eyes, and was covered in black hair. I tried to ask who this creature was, but it didn't answer.

Suddenly, to my left, there appeared another creature. It looked more like I percieved myself, but a bit shorter and with more muscles. It carried a pickaxe in one hand, and a sword in another. I recognised them as tools of some sort. After a moment, I tried to ask this creature who it was too, and it did not answer me.

Then to my right, there stood another one. This creature, again, was like me. But his skin was paler than i thought mine was, and he had pointed ears. before I could try to ask this one my question, yet another creature appeared to stand next to this one. The new creature also had pointed ears, but only stood half as tall as the other,had skin of grey and many sharp teeth. This one, I knew to fear. Despite that, I was desperate to have someone answer me. "Who are you?" I asked them all again.

This time, they all seemed to answer me all at once but no sound came from their mouths. At that point, I nearly gave up. Then, the blue energy came back and it slowly touched all of them. They touched it back. I grew curious, envious, and frustrated- all at the same time. Who were these creatures that also knew the light? Why didn't it come back to me?

Suddenly it was gone again, but each creature gave off a blue glow, one I knew I didn't share with them. As if sensing my feelings, they all stepped to either side of me, and pointed towards the forest. A path opened up, though it was filled with harsh animalistic sounds. A gust of wind blew from behind me and I looked up to see many creatures in the sky with wings like birds, but were not birds. They also glowed blue. So much so that above me appeared to be the sky.

I stood in awe for a moment, before realizing that all those creatures were going the same direction, and I needed to know where they were going. I needed to see for myself. I looked to the path ahead of me, and saw that a bush of thorns had grown there, and I became angry at it. Nothing would stop me from finding out where everyone was going. I drew a knife that appeared to have come from nowhere. I didn't ask where it came from, it was mine to use how I wanted. And I wanted to go through the thorny bush.

Everything returned to blackness for just a moment, then there was warmth and a light crackling sound. I opened my eyes, and came to realize that what I had experienced wasn't real, though my emotions from then lingered. My head panged with a harsh very real pain, and I had to grit my teeth to see through it.

"Don't move," came a gentle voice. I tried to look at its source but stopped midway because of the pain. "I said don't move."

I felt something tap my chest. "You took quite the tumble, child. Wether it was through a fight or through being clumsy, I am not sure. But you are lucky to be alive with injuries like yours. If you move too much, your luck may very well run out."

The voice sounded elderly to me, but I could not tell if they were a man or woman. The lack in details I kept running into frustrated me. I wanted to get up, I wanted to see, I wanted to know who this was and where I was. I tried to move again, fighting through the pain, but I was stopped by a pressure on my chest again. "Idiot! I said you'll die if you keep moving! Stay still already!"

The loudness of the voice hurt as much as the sudden small but intense pressure on my chest, and I complied. The frustration had to be expressed with a sigh instead. "I know...the youth these days never liked to stay still for long. Now days it seems even more so."

"Where...am I?" I asked finally, but only after making sure that I wouldn't interupt the kind person who had probably saved my life. Not that I could remember what I was doing before. Did anything come before the nothingness?

"You're in the town of Wheatkeep. Tell me your family name and your hometown. I could probably send a messenger there."

"I don't know," I admitted "I don't remember anything before there was nothing..."

The normal sounds of movement stopped for almost an uncomfortable amount of time. "So you cracked your head and lost yourself..." they sighed. "I guess we have no choice. You can't be moved anymore, so you'll have to stay here until you get better. And I'll call you Boy until we find a better name."

"Boy is a funny name." I muttered back through the pain, though I felt some amusement at just being called Boy.

"Well, it'll have to do."
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 4:08 pm    Post subject:  

Freedom of Magic: Chapter 1

It took many nights of resting and being visited by the town's doctor, and many small steps in my recovery to get me off of the bed that was given to me, and to where I am now.

It's now several months later, and autumn has hit the town of Wheatkeep, my new home. The doctor still recommends that I don't travel too far away from home, so I stick around and help Agnis with chores. I don't really mind much. She saved my life, despite being elderly. I owe her my services while I sleep beneath her roof, and eat her food.

Today, I am sweeping the leaves away from the front of the house. The sights, sounds, and smells of town are enriched by the crisp cool autumn air and the faint skittering sound of leaves scooting across the ground.

Though it is still early morning, and many hours from mid-day, the town is coming to life all around me. Others are sweeping their entrances and fetching water for the household. The team of horses that carry the field workers to and from work is trotting along the cobble road. Behind it, is a wooden trailer crowded with men in durable clothes, all holding tools of the trade. Some of them are sitting on the end, their legs dangling and they chat and finish up breakfast.

I wave to them each morning as they pass by. They are the ones that make this town possible. It's because of their work that wheat is grown and traded. Some of it is used to make flour, bread, spirits for drinking, and even feed for the few horses that are kept around town. Wheatkeep, despite being small I've learned, is a very important part of the Kingdom of Alavia. While other lands farm and raise a variety of foods, Wheatkeep's land is fertile for only one thing- wheat, of course. As such, we end up supplying a large percentage of Alavia's supply of wheat and wheat products. Though, I haven't quite figured out how such a small place could feed an entire kingdom. The details aren't any of my business, so I'm content knowing what I already know.

I hum as I return to my sweeping, pausing as a small twister of leaves winds its way across the front of the house and down a short distance before disipating. I didnt mind, I got a good whiff of the warm smell of fresh baked bread. It didn't take long to fix the left overs from the leaf twister. And then I was done.

Not really. I still had to fetch water for the day, and buy some bread when the bakery opened. That's about all I was allowed to do. I turned towards the house to put away the broom. I heard the extra set of hoofbeats before i heard the voice, but I had paid no mind to it. It wasn't uncommon to get visitors passing through.

"Excuse me, is this still the residence of Agnis Porter?"

I turned back around to see a woman riding a fairly tall and broad horse. Her face was partially covered with the hood of her cloak. I felt both uncomfortable and intrigued by her. "Yes it is," I replied quietly after a moment of being rude and staring, "She is inside, making morning tea. I can take care of your horse in the back."

She smiled at me, just barely seen though it was, and slid off of her mount, handing me the reigns.

"His name is Brutus. Show him respect, and you will gain a good friend. Treat him like dirt beneath your shoes, and you will experience hell."

I just nodded to her, deciding to take her warning to heart as I hold his reigns, and feel as short as if someone had chopped my legs off below my knees. He really was a massive, intimidating specimen.

On my way to guide Brutus to the back stables for some feed and water, I caught a glimpse of his owner lowering the hood as she entered the house. I could not stop myself from staring again as I saw the thickest, most beautiful head of pure black hair I have ever seen. I even continued to stare as the door shut behind her, and it was only because I felt a building of pain that I tore my way back to the rest of the world. Brutus had stepped on my foot, and not only did he not move, but he slowly started to lean onto it.

"Hello Brutus, please get off my foot...ow...please? Good horse. Nice horse. Get off, please." I began saying as I pushed back against him with all of my might. I soon had to give up as I began to feel lightheaded.

Just as I thought I would have to sit down for a moment, he stepped off of my foot in what could only be described as feeling like an act of mercy. I thanked the beast and patted his large shoulder before limping slightly to guide him to the pole, to which I tied him.

Getting him his food and water was just a small task compared to all of that mess. Then, careful to not overwork myself, I pulled out a stand and began undoing the bags and straps of the saddle, placing it on the stand, and brushing his sweaty coat. At least he seemed calm for this part, and I patted him and murmured encouragement as you should when handling these creatures.

It calmed me too, so I let my thoughts wander. I have no idea how long it was, but I began to hear the voices of Agnis and the stranger from just inside.

"Agnis, who is the shy young man you have roped into working for you?

"I found him and nursed him back to health. He doesn't remember who he is, so I just call him Boy."

"You're treating him as a pet, Agnis, you should help find him a name." she joked, but I felt happy that she thought of me.

Maybe I should put more thought into finguring out a name, I thought as I finished up handling Brutus' needs. "You're not so bad when you're being fed, huh?"

I only get a snort in return. Oh well, what was I expecting? I decided that my job was done anyways, and it would be good to get off my feet at this point. As I sat down on the bench against the house's wall, I could still hear them talking.

"It's not as though I am forcing the name upon him. It has been months, and he still has not been able to remember his name, and has not been able to go out and discover things about himself. If i had to name him now...It would be John. It's good, gentle.."

"And common. There must be at least ten Johns in this town alone, Agnis."

"Then it is a good thing that I am not forced to name him now, is it not?"

"I should say so."

"Now, the tea is finished. Have some. You didn't come all this way to just pick on an old lady like myself."

"You're right. There is some business that I came for."

It was then that a breeze swept through, and gave me some slight chills. I couldn't keep sitting here, I needed to get up and do something.
Back to top  
Smee



Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 6:19 am    Post subject:  

Hey there KKD,

A gentle start, but all wrapped up in the mystery of what happened to Boy, so it is interesting enough to keep me reading through without a problem.

I liked the dialogue and action as he's waking up and trying to move. That came across well. The dialogue from the visting woman is a bit weird though.

Quote: ...Treat him like dirt beneath your shoes, and you will experience hell."
Who talks like that?! :D

She's an odd one, I don't trust her, although clearly she's quite friendly with Agnis and not so caught up with herself that she ignores Boy. I found it a little forced she would have been arguing about his name quite so precisely as he overhears. Perhaps have them discuss some dull village matter at first, and then have him perk up when he hears mention of his name?

Some typos:
handing me the reigns.
pue black
because i felt
finguring out a name

So I guess the decision point is quite open. What do we do? Did he have anything on him when Agnis found him? Perhaps we could go look through our few belongings from our old life again. It might be a simple habit he has, comforting in its way, but for the benefit of the story this time it might trigger some old memory.

Happy Writing :)
Back to top  
Seraphi



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:39 am    Post subject:  

Hey, kk! Seems I missed this one on my round of binge reading the other day (the shame I feel is great).

I like how this has started out. The prologue really pulled me in - I enjoyed the touch of humor in it - and this chapter gave us some good background information without getting too fact heavy.

I really want to know what they're going to talk about, but I have a feeling if Boy goes inside they'll change the subject and find something more trivial to discuss, so it seems he'll have to go about doing the rest of his chores. Maybe he'll have to do something near the edge of town, and maybe the business this mystery woman needs to speak about with Agnis will have followed her ;)
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:29 pm    Post subject:  

Hehe, there are reasons for everything~ *mysterious voice*


Anyways :p I'll just throw in the idea that we can have him suck it up and keep sitting there anyways :3 I probably should have added some stuff at the end of the chapter. I'll be sure to put that kind of thought in the next one.
Back to top  
Cyberworm



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Posts: 651
Location: Spatially found, temporal lockdown.

Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:19 am    Post subject:  

Oooh, I like this. I'd say he goes for that water or bakery chore he has to do. A guest is a guest of Agnis and has none to do with the likes of him. So he should be dilligent. :D
Back to top  
Andolyn



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:43 pm    Post subject:  

I'm going to be boring on this one and say that we should go about our chores. Maybe we'll run into that woman again later. =D

Great start, though! I'm curious to see where it goes.
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:50 am    Post subject:  

heh, poll is up! Thank you to those who started reading and made suggestions!
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:30 pm    Post subject:  

Ok. I only got two votes, and the poll's been up forever. Guess I'm going with the two votes.
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 6:28 pm    Post subject:  

Chapter 2

Being chilled, I immediately think of wanting warmth. That’s when the thought of bread come up, it and its steamy fresh baked warmth. I imagine Agnis and her friend might enjoy that with some butter. I smile as my hand drifts to the small sack of coin I have attached to my belt. I planned for chores last night before sleeping; I should have enough for today.

Her mysterious friend and her business are none of my business, I think, so I get up and grab my light jacket. It’s always been enough to keep the chill out when I was out and about, as I often had to be in order to finish chores. Next, I had to wonder if I was going to do each chore on its own, or push myself and do both. It really only takes a moment for the decision to be made, and I choose to do both. And why not? The strange pack I made would be the perfect for carrying the bread and limiting the damage done to it.

As I walk over to fetch the two buckets and my pack, I pause to let my hands wander along its surface. Sewing was the first thing that came to me. I remember coming across Agnis’ own supplies and asked to touch them. The next thing I had known, my hands were at work and I felt a sense of normalcy as I took some hardy fabric that she called Denim, and crafted this pack. I chuckled as I recalled the strange look that she had given me at the time. Packs like the one I had made were an unknown thing to her, most were strapped onto one’s belt or one’s horse. But the one I made…it was designed to be worn on a person’s back. Perfect for carrying larger items, such as bread, and keeping my arms free to carry the two buckets of water.

After my bout of memories, I pick the thing up and slip it on. It fits a bit odd, so I once again think that maybe I should more carefully design the next one soon. I pick up the buckets, one in each hand and turn to Brutus. “I will be back, hopefully soon”

“and not in a stretcher,” I add, more to myself than to the horse. All set, I circle around to the front and then turned left. I passed by a small number of neighbors, and then the bakery. Beyond that, it was a bit of a walk to the well. In the meantime, I focused on the feeling of the breeze and the crispness of the air.

Soon we will get a flood of pumpkins and hardy squash for sale, or so Agnis has said. Being with as little memory as I am, I don’t know what she’s talking about, but it sounds familiar. Maybe it is a regular thing, happening at the end of every year. I find myself slightly conflicted. I’m excited to know what those things will be like, but a part of me feels like it won’t be anything worth getting excited for. Then I can’t help to wonder, which opinion is my own? Am I excited for pumpkins or not? And does it even matter?

I reach the well and draw up some water, continuously in thought as I pour it into the first bucket, and repeat the motions until both are filled.

Yes. Yes, it does matter. Even if pumpkins aren’t really special, it’s the fact of the matter that’s important. The matter of who I am, still needs to be solved. My past is not here, but it never seems to be completely gone. It influences even my daily ponderings.
I grab the buckets and stand up, looking over the small yet busy town. This was a nice place, and it has helped me heal, but inside there is the need to roam and discover myself. I must heal faster, I determine within my own mind. It must be done, or I may ever know who I am.

Slowly, I totter back the way I came. It takes me much longer to get to the baker’s than it did to pass it by the first time, and I’ve got to hum to pass the time. At first, it’s aimless, but then it snags onto a tune that I’ve never heard before, and helps. The trek doesn’t actually take much time, and soon I am in front of the store. I set down my buckets and head inside, working at the pouch to open it.

I’m greeted well by the blast of warm, enticing smells, and the smile of one young girl.
“Good morning Mr. Boy.”

I chuckle and offer her a smile in return. “Good morning, young Miss Baker. Is your family well today?”

“Oh yes,” she answers with a broadening smile, “Father’s shoulder is aching less today, and brother finished his chores early, so he’s helping. We’ve got more of a selection today than normal!”

“Good good…” I start, but trail off as I look at the breads that are available. I count my coin in my head, and surmise that I should have just enough to bring an extra treat to the table this morning. “Which new type would you suggest this morning?”

“Well, father bought some spices from the East. He used it in our large braid, and glazed it with maple. I think it’s my new favorite!”

She points at a case with a good many of them displayed. I walk over, and had myself a look, of course. I can see that some of them have the simple glaze, while others have shaved nuts sticking to the top. Both varieties have areas that are reddish brown and speckly. I imagine that to be the spices she spoke of. I’m in luck too, as there are a few bites out for sampling. First, I look to her as if in question. This is a polite gesture, which she responds by giving me permission with a nod.

Permission granted, and I carefully select a bite of bread without the added nuts. If I was going to buy one, it’d have to be that one. Going by prices, the one with added nuts was too much for me at the moment. I take a bite into it, and spice and sweet immediately flood my mouth. The warm bread melted my chilled body, and the strange new spice was pleasantly tingly. It was like it complemented both warmth and sweetness, and I knew then that I must have this bread.

Motioning to have it bagged, I also ask for my two usual orders. I finish off the sample quickly, and wipe my hand on my pants before I pullout payment. It takes almost all of my money, yet I am pleased, and sure that Agnis and her friend will be too.

Once I receive the bread, I slip my pack off, and fill it with my prize. I get the usual giggles from her, wish her and her family well, and I head off. With my buckets of course.

The rest of my walk is uneventful. The air around me is a mix of spicy warm bread, and of cool crisp essence of Autumn. If it were not for the aching in my hands, where the handles dug, it would have been a wholely pleasant trip.

I soon came to the house though, and duck in while the two women were still having their chat. As I unload myself, I hear the talking pause.

“Nevermind the chores right now, Boy. I’d like you to meet my friend, Botilda.”

I stop short of pouring the water into its holding place, and instead put the bucket back down. The woman from before turns and looks at me. In rays of sunlight, I can see her eyes, which seem foreign and black as coal. And it appears to me as though she is watching me- trying to determine the nature of my being, something even I am not aware of yet.

----------------------
Alright, chapter 2 is up! I dont think it's much of a read myself, though I put my best efforts into tryng to keep it all in one tense this time >: O

I guess....We are entranced by this woman...and have chores...but also, we need to introduce ourselves properly maybe? What do we all think about this one?
Back to top  
Seraphi



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:47 am    Post subject:  

Well it would be rude for Boy not to introduce himself. Even though he sort of did when they first met, that was hardly a formal setting. We are just finding out her name afterall. And this woman, Botilda, seems as intrigued by Boy as he is of her, so just a quick "how do you do?" may bring him in on the conversation.

Plus that bread sounds amazing, so he should definitely get to sharing that as well haha
Back to top  
Novelest_Ninjagirl



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 698
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 11:55 am    Post subject:  

Since I'm reading this all at once, here's my opinions separated for ease:

Prologue:

Quote: Eternity was broken by a strange light, a steam of broken wisps that slowly cut through the nothingness with its warm blue glow.
Is this intentional, or was that supposed to say stream?

I was really intrigued by the magic, but if I'm honest, I was shocked at the end when it turned out the character was a boy. I don't know why, I guess it was probably self-insert that led to me thinking they were female. It doesn't have any bearing on the story, which is appealing, but I thought I would share it anyhow.

Chapter One:

Quote: It didn't take long to fix the left overs from the leaf twister.
I'm not totally sure here, but isn't leftovers one word?

I'm definitely finding myself wondering about Boy's past, and what name he might select for himself. I'm also curious to the identity of the woman who's arrived to visit Agnes. I do agree that her initial dialogue was a bit odd, but when the rest of it seemed normal, I assumed it was only odd because she was teasing him subtly.
I would have gone with 'lets do our chores' as well, most likely.

Chapter Two:

I didn't run into any errors in this chapter, and the tense seems to be constant throughout (I recall that being why you asked me to read?) There was one line I had to reread once or twice, but ultimately it sounded fine to me.
I'm loving Boy's narrative, surprisingly. He seems so calm now, compared to the driving hot emotions he appeared to feel during the prologue. Still find myself wondering about that energy light thing he saw, though.

As for the dp, I think Boy should try to keep the mood light, perhaps make a joke about how introductions are difficult without a name? Some sort of reference to the fact that he overheard their conversation.
Back to top  
Tikanni Corazon



Joined: 25 Oct 2009
Posts: 1286
Location: Running through the plains of my mind, my wolf spirit at my side (but doing so in the UK!).

Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 4:25 pm    Post subject:  

Hey KK

This is a very good start in my opinion. Nothing much is happening in the way of excitement atm, but that is the way with many stories, and good descriptiveness and an underlying promise that all is not as it seems are enough to keep one thoroughly sated in that regard. It's describing the simplicity of life, and it's done well. :)

Now, there are a couple of instances where I found sentences that needed slight rewording in order to improve the flow of the writing. Unfortunately in my current circumstances I'm not able to point them out without time and difficulty, so if I remember at the weekend, I'll do so then when I'm visiting my parents and will have proper internet access. Regardless, it's not something that will hold back the story.

I say our Boy introduces himself and offers up his recently purchased wares to share as a positive sign of potential friendship. More to this mystery lady than meets the eye!

Much enjoyed, keep up the good work! x
Back to top  
ModelP



Joined: 27 Sep 2015
Posts: 14

Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:07 pm    Post subject:  

It looks good. I was able picture everything well in my head. I couldn't spot any thing wrong but then again I'm not good at that kinda stuff. :P

As for the Action I feel a we should get to know this friend. She might lead to adventure! ^^
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 5:01 pm    Post subject:  

Mk, bumping! Thanks for all the comments guys :) In a ittle while, I will put up a poll.
Back to top  
Novelest_Ninjagirl



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 698
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 7:54 pm    Post subject:  

I'm still anxious to see where this might be going!
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2016 6:06 pm    Post subject:  

We are now polling!
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 4:08 pm    Post subject:  

Winner, smile an break bread 3:1

I'll post a chapter when I'm not dead x.x
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 6:59 pm    Post subject:  

(its such a short chapter XD I apologize many times)

(Mini) Chapter 3

“Hello.” I breathe, still captured in her eyes. I soon became aware of her smiling, and without thought, I smile back. It lasts just a second, though it felt like much more, before I am drug back into clarity. Remembering that I have a gift for them, I smile even more.

“Well, I bought some extra bread this morning. It is a good addition, warm and sweet. If you’d like, I could cut some up to go with the morning tea”

She nods, “That sounds lovely. And I invite you to sit with us. I would like to ask you about some words going around.”

“Me?” I ask quietly as I stride over to the kitchen and slice the bread into small squares, gently arranging them on a plate. “I’m not the best to ask. I listen sometimes…but I don’t know enough to understand what people are talking about…” I say before sneaking a bite, wrapping the remainder of the loaf up for a later time. A quick count to make sure there’s an even split between the three of us, and I walk over to them, setting the plate on the table. Agnis looks up at me in silent thanks, before grabbing one and biting into it. But it’s Botilda that breaks the small silence again.

“The words I am asking about, are ones about dreams. You do have dreams, yes?”

“I do..” I mumble some, gaining flashbacks to the first one I remember, and several that I’ve had since then. To keep things going, I serve her a slice while I think in my silence. It’s a bit before I realize I’ve gone too deep into my thoughts. “What of them?”

“ There is a phenomenon, many people, across the five kingdoms, are having similar dreams. And none are too excited to hear about it. ”

I sit and nibble. Agnis pours me tea, and I thank her, but really Botilda has my attention. “What sort of dreams?”

“They are dreams of a strange light, of creatures never seen before. Some of them are shaped like men. All the dreams are different, but each of them have this in common. And they say that any who have such dreams, are struck with an urge to leave home very suddenly.”

At this point I knew what she was talking about, and was struck by the idea that others had a similar experience. I had thought that the dreams came from my condition, because neither Agnis nor the doctor could answer any of my questions about them. And then I felt Agnis’ gaze.

Our guest might have noticed too. “Have you had such dreams?”

“When he was bedridden, he would speak of them a lot. But…I don’t recall him ever saying he wanted to leave…not that he could. He’s still not well enough to do much other than basic chores.”

I nod, gently so to not rattle my brain too much. “I keep it to myself. I know I can’t leave.”

And so we fall into silence, each nibbling at some sweet bread and tea. When we are nearly done, and I get up to put the pot away after pouring the last of the tea, I hear them shift in their seats behind me.

“I have a doctor at my camp, I trust him with my life. Perhaps if we were to keep our eyes on his condition, he could stay with us for a time….”
---

Hm..so do we take the chance? Take some time to think about it? Something else entirely?
Back to top  
Novelest_Ninjagirl



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 698
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:09 pm    Post subject:  

Quote: “I keep it too myself. I know I can’t leave.”

Not totally sure, but isn't that supposed to be 'to'?

As for the chapter, I love it! I like that we have a new decision so soon. I do like that he snuck a bite- I do that myself sometimes when I'm serving people, especially if I know I eat more slowly than them.

As for the dp, hmmm. I vote he asks for a little time to think about it. No need to rush in blind.
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:14 pm    Post subject:  

Hmm...so it is. Tis a quick fix :3
Back to top  
ModelP



Joined: 27 Sep 2015
Posts: 14

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:18 pm    Post subject:  

Just popping in to comment on the DP I say we tell our caretaker that we are going but we're going to work a little while longer so that she can find a replacement incase she really needed us around the house.
Back to top  
Andolyn



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:19 pm    Post subject:  

Good little chapter! =)

For the DP, I'm going to say we go with her. Why not?
Back to top  
Seraphi



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:44 pm    Post subject:  

They say good things come in small packages. This chapter lends truth to that - mini but very good. We actually get a lot of information despite its length.

So, for the DP...take some time to think, sleep on it. Maybe he'll have one of those dreams again and get spurred into going with Botilda because of it.
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 3:51 pm    Post subject:  

poll is UP
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:19 pm    Post subject:  

Chapter 4 1/2

I can’t help myself. I turn around to look at the two expressions. First Botilda’s, who seems calm and willing to help. There’s probably a reason why she’s offering…and it sounds like she and her doctor has been through some interesting things together, even just from what she said. Then I meet Agnis’ gaze again…her blind gaze.

It hits me that the feelings I had until then were fairly selfish. I had started helping with chores as soon as I could, and there would occasionally be other people to give assistance…with a bit of guilt in me, I knew what I had to do, at the very least, before I made up my mind to set out.

“A-agnis…if I do go…I swear I’ll find someone to take my place first.”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course you’ll go…and you’ll go at first light if I have anything to say about it.”

Her response surprises me, and stings a bit. Before I can indulge a flood of new thoughts coming from it, she continues. “It’s not that I want to get rid of you…but Boltilda can take good care of you…and I have my pride. I did just fine on my own into my old age, and I’m not about to start needing someone to follow me around like a toddler.”

Our guest chuckles, and a half smile plasters itself on my face out of some strange confusion of emotions. I love the spunk and bluntness that she uses, but I’m still very concerned about her wellbeing. She is, after all, the first person I remember. In a way, she is the closest to a parent that I ever remember having.

“That being said, the day just started. You have the entire length of it to get yourself in order.”

I nod, but am struck with a sudden question. “But…why do you want me to go?”

“Well I figured you’d go someday. You came into my life suddenly, it only stands that you would leave just as suddenly. And if what Botilda says is true, I’d rather you leave with her now than in the middle of some night and unprepared.”

I take a moment, touched by the concern she’s showing me. Me, some young man that she found some day who could have been anyone before his memories left. But there’s too much to do to dwell on those feelings right now.

And then I try to list everything that I have to do. Truthfully, there isn’t much. I never gathered many things in my time here. All the same, my mind became overwhelmed by the excitement and the concern for her, and remembering all the chores that I usually do but will not be here to do anymore.
---------

ugh, so short >.<

mk, so basically...we need a place to skip to. Do we want it right before they leave, or as they enter camp..or half way?
Back to top  
ModelP



Joined: 27 Sep 2015
Posts: 14

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:52 pm    Post subject:  

Oh my goodness Agnis you make me giggle with your Sass. but yeah if Agnis is ok with it then there's pretty much no other excuse than to just go. Who KNOWS what this will open up for us.
Back to top  
Novelest_Ninjagirl



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 698
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 11:46 pm    Post subject:  

I definitely enjoy Angis, that's for sure. As to where to skip too... Hm. I vote for right before they leave. It'd be nice to see his reactions to actually leaving, as opposed to simply his reactions to arriving elsewhere.
Back to top  
Seraphi



Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2016 2:13 pm    Post subject:  

Well if Agnis, in all her glorious sass, is giving the okay, then its definitely time for some adventure!

I say there's a skip until midway - so we join them again as they travel.
Back to top  
Andolyn



Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2016 7:24 pm    Post subject:  

I do like Agnis. Haha!

I'm going to say we pick up halfway.
Back to top  
Thegaywizardly



Joined: 12 Feb 2016
Posts: 13

Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 4:57 pm    Post subject:  

I like where this story is going, whisked away on wild adventure, magic coming to the world and reflected into dreams and the division of the races. Keep going I want to see what kind of action you may lead into. I always suggest chaos incase you were wondering.
Back to top  
Novelest_Ninjagirl



Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 698
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:13 pm    Post subject:  

Poll's been up a while, and as I've returned I'm nudging the stuff that held my interest when I first fell ill. Is there a chapter in the works?
Back to top  
kkdestiny



Joined: 05 Oct 2010
Posts: 674
Location: The Library of Interfable History

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2016 8:47 am    Post subject:  

There is, but it's slow going. I have it in the back of my mind as I await the chance to pounce on a chunk of internet time :3
Back to top  
 
       Storygames Home -> Storygames: Fantasy
Page 1 of 1


Powered by phpBB Search Engine Indexer
Powered by phpBB 2.0.16 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group