![Storygames Home](http://www.cityofif.com/forum/templates/phpBBSEI/images/logo_phpBB.gif) |
City of IF Free online storygaming
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:47 am Post subject: HOBO-- Introduction & part 1 |
|
|
You get people who often turn your day sour, or even those who never keep their promises. Have you ever wondered if it was their past or something that happened recently? Have you ever felt sorry for them -- maybe not?
That doesn't mean you need to stoop as low to the ground as they are when stomping on your feelings. You don’t know each other. Let’s investigate the life of a teacher and the life of a student, but most of all a homeless man....
"Give me the bag! You F^%$!" He screamed at me.
I pulled the bag back from the grease covered hobo. "Let Go! Or I’ll make sure you are going to HELL!"
Figures... He-- I found that the guy to fix my car was in fact a thief with a suit, "Let go!"
The rain started and that was not what I needed. I needed a good day... a day where nothing went wrong. A day where I didn't have trouble trying to teach kids or having delinquents smoking... I didn't want to recall anything today.
"Please, do not do this. I've had a bad day already... My life sucks."
The hobo's face was covered in a black hoody then rest was in a worker's vest.
Thump! I fell backwards feeling a hard ramming against my head. Not being able to see. I thought that I would feel cold clammy hands on my face, but something felt odd.
Like running through the forest…. wood scraping and grazing…
Darkness ensued my vision. The sound I heard was a low tone voice speaking into my ear, “You will see how life is for the next few months... 3 lives, one chance” |
|
Back to top |
|
Lebrenth
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
|
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 4:05 am Post subject: |
|
|
Interesting! Looking forward to seeing what's next when we can see again. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 4:51 am Post subject: HOBO Chapter 1 |
|
|
HOBO: Teacher! Part 1
The smell of roses wafted into my nose. My eyes felt heavy and my body was hurting. I had the taste of coffee and acid reflux from the previous day.
Something sharp was shining into my eyes. Cringing at the little I could see, fuzzy words stood in my vision. "Shutting down..."
I shook my head and rubbed my cold hands on my face. Trying to see why my face was so full of bumps.
A computer? I was sitting infront of a computer??
I looked up and 2 rows of students were staring at me. I breathed and asked, "What happened?"
A young girl walked up to me and said, "I don't know Sur, you were mumbling to yourself, like you were talking to someone else--"
"Wait, why are you calling me Sur?"
The girl started fiddling with her hands and another student-- a boy stood next to her. "Sur, do you need -"
"Don't call me sur," I blurted at the boy, as I touched my chest.
I looked down and saw that I had no bust. I looked at the computer's dark screen and saw a reflection of a rather young man.
Ruffling through the clothes I was wearing, I found keys and this man's ID.
"Todd Pratt." I breathed the words over and over...My head was feeling so light that I started running out through the main halls.
Flustered I asked a cleaning lady in the hall where the nearest exit was. I rushed into the double door she pointed at.
I could only think, the day I got hit by the Hobo who didn't show his face... "How can I be a man!" I screamed out at the parking lot... I didn't even notice the place I was at, I did not even know where I lived...
I started hearing voices getting louder. "Ok, I'm at a school. I looked up and found the words of the school, "South East College."
Dangling from my wrist was a watch, a very loose watch.
"3:40 pm. I guess its time to leave... Wait what am I thinking! I don't even know where I'm going!" I screamed and I clasped my hands on my mouth.
I sounded like a man! Oh no! I tried to hold my composure so the world doesn't think I'm mad.
A block away from where I was standing, I saw a black hoody, coming closer. I darted behind a tree, my chest over working from the stress I was having.
The hooded person was starting to walk past the tree. Grabbing his scruff I pulled the hoody from his head. The boy looked at me with fear. "I'm sorry... I won't skip school again!" He was cringing at me like I did when I was attacked.
"Good!" I patted the boy's back and told him to carry on. When a low voice started to say, "Enjoying this?"
I looked up and a man was sitting inside the tree. He was smoking and a snake tattoo was running across his neck. I could see that his face was scarred, scratches and gashes. When he turned to look at me, Dark blue eyes which pierced into my soul. Half of his face was that of a decomposed skull.
"I'm giving you three chances for your life.... You said your life sucks. Lets see just how much it really sucked."
“Why this body? What’s wrong with this guy’s life?”
“You will see…”
“The girl who was speaking to me when I woke up…. She told me that this guy was talking to someone…”
“Yeah, that was me. I can not be seen by everyone. Except dogs and animals, they can see me every bloody day.”
“What is the deal? What should I do?”
“You got 2 weeks as this guy, if you live that long enough you move on to the next life.”
“You want me to agree to this? What happens if I don’t agree to this?”
“I’ll make sure you END UP IN HELL…”
(What a turn of events, The one who say’s “Go to hell, gets told go to hell)
What should our Hero do? Fight against this stranger , follow him or what should he do. Any suggestion gives it a new turn. ) |
|
Back to top |
|
Lebrenth
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
|
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
OK, let's go for a ride in this guy's body. Sounds fun to me! It also sounds like our survival is going to be compromised soon. We need more clues. Go back inside and check Todd's desk. Especially hoping to find a phone (if it isn't in his pocket) and also any notes, or clues. Then try to find his vehicle, assuming that's what one of the keys are for (should be able to tell a car key from another kind of key). |
|
Back to top |
|
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!
|
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 10:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hrm, quite the conundrum. It's not super interesting story-wise, but my first thought of what to do if this had happened to me is to go to a hospital and get checked out. Clearly I got something screwy. Plus, if this guys life is that bad, it'd be smart to get a basis of if it's his health that's the problem. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:43 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you guys.
I'll see if I can get it a notch up in the interesting factor.
I'm very happy you read this. I put a script up of a story. I'm sure that will be interesting for u novel girl.
I hope it's better than my writing. Hahaa |
|
Back to top |
|
Lebrenth
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
|
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
scribe siren wrote: I'm sure that will be interesting for u novel girl.
I'm pretty sure she's referring to her suggestion of going to the hospital as being uninteresting, not saying your story isn't interesting :) Your descriptions are great and I am interested in knowing what we're doing in another body and what the creepy guy wants from us. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 11:52 am Post subject: |
|
|
Oh! Haha. Sorry. Now I see. :shock: i guess i missed the comma and but. anyway ok so we got hospital and it go back in class . Both ways for clues. Either way I'll make it interesting. |
|
Back to top |
|
Emperor
Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA
|
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 3:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hi scribe. Just wondering if there was a reason you are using Sur instead of Sir, its it a world thing, plot thing or something other.
Quote: A young girl walked up to me and said, "I don't know Sur, you were mumbling to yourself, like you were talking to someone else--"
"Wait, why are you calling me Sur?"
The girl started fiddling with her hands and another student-- a boy stood next to her. "Sur, do you need -"
"Don't call me sur,"
I'm with Noni, might as well get checked out |
|
Back to top |
|
Vishal Muralidharan
Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Posts: 867
Location: City Of IF!
|
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2019 9:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Really feel like we should find out who we are before we go to a hospital. They're going to be asking questions, and we need enough information to atleast get some basics right. I say we first check our phone, find our home, head to our desk, etc. And then go to a hospital after. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2019 12:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
Emperor: yep. You will see why he's being called Sur instead of Sir. I'll open a voting slot. ;)
Very excited to use the winning idea.
Will be open for 15 days, but I would like to start writing in 2 days....
And thank you to all who voting on the story. You can still post your idea if you have one, I would probably incorporate it. |
|
Back to top |
|
Lebrenth
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
|
Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2019 5:08 am Post subject: My own |
|
|
Voted for my own suggestion. We definitely need clues, I'd rather get them from inside the school to start. With survival being in question (the whole "You got 2 weeks as this guy, if you live that long" thing the creepy guy said), I'm wondering if someone is trying to kill us. Hopefully a public place will be safer. As Vishal pointed out, going to the hospital could lead to some awkward questions since we don't know who we are. We might even end up getting locked up for our own safety, which might actually be very unsafe. |
|
Back to top |
|
Vishal Muralidharan
Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Posts: 867
Location: City Of IF!
|
Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2019 5:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
Voted! :D
Not to step on your toes or something, but you might not really need 15 days for the votes, really. But your call :D |
|
Back to top |
|
Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
|
Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Missed out on the suggestions, but voted... and winning. :cool: |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:02 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you for voting all!
Looks like our winning one is finding clues.
Ill post update tonight. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:19 pm Post subject: Chapter 2: Clues. Teacher part b |
|
|
CHAPTER 2: CLUES
I huffed and pushed my hair back. My soul felt like tearing at my face to get myself back to normal.
“I guess I will play your game.”
“Good.” He had disappeared when I tried looking at him again. His eyes burning into my “being”.
“I had to fight him…didn’t I” I breathed in a whisper.
The maid washing the floors with a mop, greeted me with a nod and following me she said, “Sur, We are closing up soon around 5.”
“Why so early?”
“It’s Friday-“
“Ok,” I cut her short and didn’t ask another question.
I walked back into the class I last remembered running out of, no students were around. Apparently already left.
Which was great for me. Digging at the keys I felt in my pocket. One obviously looked like car keys with a number etched into it and three other small keys.
My eyes immediately moved over to the small lockers below the internet hub, stuck to the wall.
“This has got to work…” As stressful as this was, I checked the clock mounted on the wall. Four…
Opening all three lockers I just pulled out every single object.
First was the teacher’s card with a code TM23345 with a tiny computer logo underneath his picture. Of course I knew his name already.
A small hand held “PDA” and an large black book, scribbled crudely on the cover from the pile.
The second lock had internet card, his- my absent teaching papers, the days he was away.
The absent papers had to be in the principal’s office. Below the absent paper, I dug my hand into the corner at the back.
A letter to me, crumpled up: (READING)
To Todd SS 3303
I cannot go through this again. I already lost one person I loved.
I don’t want to be there toppling over everything you do.
I cannot say how sorry I am, but you need doctors.
Stop being so brave. I can see, and yet what I learned is, that being afraid is a way to know you are human.
When you are afraid like me or know what I feel. I want you to listen to me.
Love Cassey
The cleaning lady waddled in, “Oh your still here. You got forty minutes.”
She pulled out her hand with a bag. Checking out how I was sitting crouched on my knees. Oddly bent over a pile of rubbish.
“The divorce getting to you?”
“Who’s?”
“Oh I’m sorry, maybe talk to the principal, he’s rather pissed.”
“Take the bag.”
I graciously took the bag and tossed all manner of items I could grab for the next two weeks. Scissors, pens, papers and a stapler.
The cleaning lady started pushing me out the class. “Go! Go!”
Scuffling to the door which read, “Principal”
I softly knocked on the door, hesitantly I tried turning back. Since there was a red light above the door, meaning he was busy and still there.
When the door opened I did not know who to greet. Atleast the principal was motioning me in. And the cleaning lady who apparently followed me all the way ushered me in as the door started closing.
I knew something must be wrong.
The principal sat with clenched fingers, entwining each other with a glare from his eyes I could not look away at.
He was sitting with papers infront , “I am sorry to say this , but we will have to let you go. You have been absent every second day, each week of college. I know you are divorcing and has been troublesome.
But….We cannot help anymore than we have already done.
I swallowed a lump, “can I see?” I pointed at the paper.
RECORD: TODD PRATT 17 th July
“”He has been talking to himself for the past hour in the observation of a class.
Reasons to this is his history in overdosing multiple times at a young age. Both alcohol and medication subscribed from his doctor.
He is a hard-headed patient, he will not divulge any information to us unless he is comfortable to tell—the only one who knows is called Cassey , yet she will not say anything.””
The principal breathed and replied, “It seems you were noticed today with the same identical symptoms…”
“I did not know…”
“How can you not know?”
“I haven’t been myself… I need atleast 2 weeks to get on my feet. If I do not improve any day after that, I will declare my resignation.”
OK, so what is the next move for PRATT, "I" is giving him 2 weeks the same amount of time left for this life to live through. What should he/she do?? |
|
Back to top |
|
Lebrenth
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
|
Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2019 11:18 am Post subject: Drugs! |
|
|
Nice chapter, Scribe! I'm enjoying collecting information and getting acquainted with the problems of this persona. We're exploring something that has always fascinated me... how well would I handle other people's problems if I was totally in their same situation.
For the DP, I'm definitely thinking we need to head to the hospital now! It appears we have a severe drug addiction, which can lead to serious issues with withdrawal. You can even die from withdrawals. We need professional medical assistance to get us into rehabilitation. The alternative would be to feed the addiction, if we could even figure out how. However, besides being in danger of overdosing, it's, you know, just bad for your health. Additionally, I think it would be a good idea to ask Cassey to help us get checked in. Maybe the divorce can be averted and Todd can get the love and support he needs to help him stay off of drugs and keep his job. If nothing else, we can get a ride.
I'd also like to talk about a few grammatical issues (like "your" instead of "you're" and "who's" instead of "whose"), but more importantly, that I'm getting lost while I'm reading dialogue. Labeling the characters a little more would help a lot. For instance, this exchange:
Quote:
“The divorce getting to you?”
“Who’s?”
“Oh I’m sorry, maybe talk to the principal, he’s rather pissed.”
“Take the bag.”
The question about the divorce was unexpected, but I could deduce it was probably the cleaning lady talking to us. As I'm trying to sort it out, she jumps to a new subject again with the principal and then again with "Take the bag"... assuming it's her talking again. Grammatically, it should be the protagonist, the way it's arranged, but looking at it again, it's probably the cleaning lady. That said, it's a lot of work trying to figure things out over the lack of a few words.
To demonstrate my suggestion (and please don't feel you have to take any of my advice), I might write that dialogue like this:
Quote:
“Is the divorce getting to you?” the cleaning lady asked.
“Whose?” I asked.
“Oh I’m sorry," she said. "Maybe you should talk to the principal, he’s rather pissed. Here, take a bag.”
Also, if you are writing dialogue that needs to extend into a second paragraph without changing who is speaking, the way to do it is to not have a closing parenthesis on the first paragraph. Like this:
Quote:
"I have so much dialogue," the lecturer said. "I don't think I can complete the idea within just a few sentences. Having so many words in a giant block of text is just not practical. I will need to expand beyond my first paragraph, maybe even have several paragraphs, and I will not wait for anyone else to speak in between.
"You see, if I let anyone else speak, I might get too distracted. By the way, did you notice there was no parenthesis on the previous paragraph? It's because I wasn't done talking, but don't worry, I'm done now so I'll put one here."
|
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2019 11:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you for noting those mistakes... I guess I was in a bit of a rush... Since I got 3 jobs in real life.
X_X
I will take my time with my chapter.
I am sorry it was a bumpy read for you. Will fix it up.
Also I hope to catch up on your purgatory story. Starting to read. I guess that might help me with seeing the grammar ect. of others. |
|
Back to top |
|
Lebrenth
Joined: 29 Dec 2005
Posts: 1483
Location: Utah
|
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 5:41 am Post subject: Busy busy |
|
|
scribe siren wrote: Thank you for noting those mistakes... I guess I was in a bit of a rush... Since I got 3 jobs in real life.
Yeesh! I'm amazed you find any time for writing! I hope you'll take the advice in the nature it is intended, friendly suggestions to help improve your writing. The city has often served as a place for people who wish to improve, some of us have ambitions for becoming published authors, some just want to polish up their skills, some are even picking up English as a second language. I like being helpful and by no means should anyone get the impression that less than perfect grammar is unacceptable.
I'm far more interested in a good story, like the one you have here :) |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 9:55 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you Lebrenth
Ya, Working on pages might be slow with what work I do.
Our internet is slow at moment -- atleast not as bad as the Great Firewall. :x |
|
Back to top |
|
Novelest_Ninjagirl
Joined: 09 Dec 2007
Posts: 700
Location: The inn. Probably. Come check!
|
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 4:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It's definitely interesting to see more into this mans life, including little insights like notes. It's interesting that she feels like she can negotiate away from this guy being sacked, but well, if it works that's a little favor she did for him I suppose.
As for a next move I am inclined towards 'hospital' like I said last time, but since Lebrenth already mentioned that, hrm. Next move is checking the car for more clues, I think. If they can figure out which one it is from that keyfob. Maybe the car will have an address for them to drop all the stuff they just found. |
|
Back to top |
|
Vishal Muralidharan
Joined: 24 Aug 2010
Posts: 867
Location: City Of IF!
|
Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 11:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Okay, now we have a little more information, I'd say we def have to go to a hospital right now, for the reasons Lebby mentioned. But for the sake of a different option, I'm going to go in a different direction. We're all looking forward at this point, but we'll also need information on why we're in this body in the first place. There's no guarantee that we'll be returned to our original selves if we survive, or even if we die. What happens if we win in his game? What happens if we lose? What are the stakes here?
Find a way to contact our handler and get more information along these lines. Also look for a secret stash of our drugs so that we can atleast consider fighting off withdrawal this way if it comes to it. |
|
Back to top |
|
Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
|
Posted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 2:54 am Post subject: |
|
|
Well, Lebs commented on the writing, which I agree with, so that's done!
I'm a bit rushed these days, so sorry not more feedback and so forth, but I'm going to jump on the hospital bandwagon I think.
Keep it coming! |
|
Back to top |
|
Key
Joined: 08 Feb 2004
Posts: 2652
Location: The Royal Palace
|
Posted: Sat Jul 27, 2019 1:37 am Post subject: |
|
|
Go talk to Cassey. She might actually know something about why this guy is no longer in his body. And if not and we end up going to withdrawal or having to go to the hospital, it's better if we go with her. |
|
Back to top |
|
Emperor
Joined: 02 Nov 2004
Posts: 471
Location: San Diego, CA
|
Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Vishal Muralidharan wrote:
Find a way to contact our handler and get more information along these lines. Also look for a secret stash of our drugs so that we can atleast consider fighting off withdrawal this way if it comes to it.
I don't know if its too late to chime in, but of all the options so far I like Vishal's suggestion. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2019 7:52 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hi there. Still open to suggestions. You know what Ill surprise on next chapter. |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 5:00 am Post subject: Chapter 2?? Hospital Run |
|
|
https://soundcloud.com/classic-band-1/i-bet-my-life-imagine-dragons
Song today.... I love this one
Hospital run
Breathing in and out. I took my ratty plastic bag and nodded to the principal. He seemed to agree to my proposal for the two weeks.
“Ok, Todd… “ I spoke to myself.
I walked out of the college grounds. Un-curling the paper with the letter in my sweaty hands.
My heart was breaking and all I could do was look up and curse God for giving me to save lives—lives I did not know. Now I’m a Drug addict.
I started tapping at the car keys as I passed each car, a polo, a puma, a corsa, a Lamborghini and finally a 1985 opal monza’s light flashed.
“Oh man…. Ok….”
I climbed into the car and looking around I found wrappers of candy… This candy was unnamed. I rattled the keys into the starter. Ramming the clutch in I put the car on and started driving down the right side.
Looking again I was going down a one way road.
My soul was dragging me toward the code on the paper—paper in hand 12 and 2 on steering wheel.
Eyes kept looking at the bag of candy, I grabbed one piece and tossed it into my mouth.
My body was starting to profusely sweat… I started ramming the car petrol. I had to go to hospital, or did I have to see Cassey?
I grabbed another candy, as it slipped from my grasp it landed on a cellphone. It seemed to be pink.
I rammed an emergency stop and after a few toots of the horn all cars passed by.
I grabbed the phone, opened it up and it was a fake phone… “This is a kids toy????”
My head started going in thought…. Of all the things that could have brought this toy here? I could be anything now? A rapist? A father? A freak who loves kiddy stuff….
I veered the wheel down and started checking each road. For anything that read: SS 3303
It took me four hours to get to find out that I wouldn’t find this place like this. I drove down into the hospital looking for a map of this city or even a phone book.
I walked to the registration area. The lady looked at me, “Sur, how may I help you?”
“SS 3303” And as my vision blurred I looked at the toy phone in my hands.
The lady jumped up and tried grabbing my hand closest to the table. As she grabbed my hand, my head rammed into the table when she pulled.
_____
I woke up finding me drinking water. “Oh thank God!”
I looked at the opposing mirror and saw I was still Todd.
The lady who was giving me water said, “Sir, whatever you’ve been doing?”
I ran my hands through my hair and frowned at this lady’s remark. “Look I need to go.”
“You can not. Well not now.”
“Get me a map or a phone book then.”
“Then what?” The lady smiled and pulled a chair closer.
I sneered, “I need it to see something, if I’m going to stay here and listen to you. I might aswell look at something interesting.”
“Sounds like you don’t need to talk either.”
“Yeah! Just get me the stuff and leave me alone…” grabbing the linen and turning around in a huff.
She walked out and from the mirror across I could see her blabbing to a doctor.
It didn’t take more than ten minutes and the Lady brought the map atlas and a phone book for the UK Region. She put it next to the corner table next to bed. I was pretending to sleep. Which didn’t fool anyone. I was a bad actor.
So, I turned around and said, “Thanks.” And waved my hand to tell her to go.
Like an honorable person she bowed and walked out. She was standing at the door, from what I could see she was bending down to something. Her bum was facing my way.
She turned back and pulled the door open again. Only this time she was dragging something behind her.
A tiny face looked from the side of this woman. This tiny girl had no hair and her clothes were that of pokadot pattern. Her sad face turned to a smile and she ran to hug me.
I didn’t know what to do. I patted the girl’s shoulder and she started laughing. The lady took the girl around the waist and picked her up, “Time to go hun. You can talk to uncle later.”
“Uncle?”
“Wow you must have hit your head hard. Sorry me trying to grab you. Maybe not one of the smartest idea… I should have not done that, number one rule of someone falling down stairs.” She breathed and replied, “She calls you Uncle Sur.”
“Do I know her?” I furrowed my eyebrows and the lady said, “She is Cassey’s niece.”
I lifted my body and kept my composure, “Where is Cassey?”
“She is home.”
“Why is Mina in hospital?” I breathed
“Cancer with severe epilepsy.”
“Can you call Cassey, please. I need questions answered.”
____
Now, what should they be doing now. Talk to the nurse, she seems to know Cassey well, or wait to talk to Cassey instead, or get to know Mina.
??? OK! Guys this choice is important, it depends on this life |
|
Back to top |
|
Chinaren
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 8879
Location: https://www.NeilHartleyBooks.com
|
Posted: Mon Oct 21, 2019 8:52 am Post subject: |
|
|
A bit disjointed, but okay!
I would say talk to all of them! But nurse and girl first. :D |
|
Back to top |
|
scribe siren
Joined: 20 Mar 2016
Posts: 106
|
Posted: Thu Oct 24, 2019 9:19 am Post subject: |
|
|
Thank you, c'ren
as said I guess its my head that is rather disjointed. Haha.
I'll improve in a while. If I even get out of the house.
Working, studying and possible working 2nd job-- one or another time.
Thanks for reading. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|