Storygames Home City of IF
Free online storygaming

Surviving Salvation
Click here to go to the original topic

       Storygames Home -> Storygames: Horror, Mystery and Suspense
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message

Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Posts: 461
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 9:35 pm    Post subject: Surviving Salvation  

Biz Bit: This is the revival/reboot of the first SG that I ever started. When IF started to go quiet, I locked my creation up. In IF's absence, I thought and decided I needed a new start on it. With a new city Eternia already exists in fiction that I don't want to be tied to. so here is the Prologue. No dp yet but enjoy a little background. Welcome to Salvation.


I never expected the end of the world to happen in my lifetime. Hell, part of me believed that it would never actually happen in the first place. I had the insane notion that this large ball of earth and water would constantly be spinning about in space. All of the petty, little bags of flesh and bones on this big, beautiful space marble would keep living and dying in an endless cycle of pointlessness. There would be crime, wars, peace and happiness all at once. Then we would spread to other planets and the human race would continue to infect the cosmos with our dirty, petty nature. Never had I imagined that the world would end. Especially not in the way that it did. That, I had to say was the most shocking of all.

It all started in the sunny town of Salvation. Yes, that is its real name. It was founded by a group of preachers who looked to create a town where anyone was welcome. If you were looking for a place to escape your past and your darkness, Salvation was there for you. Granted such a promise was invaluable to most. Granted, there were quite a few violent individuals who only sought a place to lay low but still the city grew. It grew and it grew until eventually it was a bustling metropolis complete with a large neon sign welcoming them to Salvation. Where Everyone is Saved.

I, of course, never thought of Salvation as anything special. It was just home. Just your average everyday city. It had several different churches dedicated to different denominations and different religions. There was even a Pagan temple of some sort. Until it was erected, I had no idea that such a thing existed. There was a couple malls, a police station, several large office buildings, apartments, the Salvation Star Suites, and so on and so forth. It was your standard metropolis filled with sad, petty little people. Then it happened.

The Cataclysm. The event that sent everybody on this celestial sphere down the proverbial drain. I donít know exactly when it started. Iím not sure there is anyone alive that has that knowledge. The how is known. The who is. The where and why. Just not the when. That is the scariest thing, isnít it. Knowing that somewhere deep in this city, that wretched blackness was just waiting to boil over. The day it boiled over was a calm September day. A day no survivors of The Cataclysm will ever forget.

There was a slight breeze. The sun hung ripe in the sky casting just enough light and heat down to make the day an absolute pleasure. The sky was devoid of any clouds. It was just perfect. Then it started. The first sign that anything was wrong. The first moments anyone can distinctly say was the start of anything. A young man in an expensive suit was attacked by an older gentleman in an equally expensive suit outside their office building. Old suit was killed by police after attacking several more people. The young man was taken to the hospital where he went berserk and attacked people as well. And so it went. The city got sicker and sicker. Slowly, Salvation started to succumb to the sickness. Chaos sprouted.

It spread. The local police failed. Then the town government did. After two weeks of escalating chaos, the walls went up. Someone in the larger government realized that it would not be contained here for long in the span of two days, large steel walls were flown in and set up to keep everyone inside. All those who tried to escape before they were finished were put down like rabid dogs. I canít say that I blamed anyone on either side. I thought of trying to flee the madness a couple times too. I decided that staying and hiding stood a better chance of survival than trying to slip past armed guards.

Yet, after the walls went up, I knew that it was only a matter of time. There was no way through those walls. There was no way past the guards on the outside. Sooner or later, fire would rain from the sky and wipe Salvation off of the map. Literally. I hid and I moved from place to place, just trying to think of a means of escape. There wasnít any I could think of. I was going to die here. In the town where happiness and hope was promised, I was going to die a bloody, painful, and horrible death. Iím not sure Reverends McHugh and Hart had this in mind.

Itís been two weeks since the walls went up. Two weeks since I had to resort to being a rat. Hiding in the dark, moving from place to place, eating any scrap of food that I could find. Iím sure the only way that Iím still around is thanks to some help that Iíve found out amongst the chaos. Without her help, Iím sure I would have gone down a few days ago. Iím almost positive. Weíre doing our best to survive but it canít go on forever. I think it's time to try and escape. Yeah, I did point out that doing so is tantamount to suicide. So is staying.

The sky has yet to rain down fire which means only one thing. The sickness wasnít contained fast enough. it got out and has done enough damage that our extinction was prevented. Which means that while escape may not mean much at least there more ground to cover and better places to hide outside the walls. The more infected there are in Salvation, the lower the chances of living to see another day. Iíd rather die running than hiding like a scared little mouse.

I never imagined the end of the world would happen in my lifetime. I certainly didnít believe that it would have started here. But still it did. A blackened infection is why humanity wasnít able to grow and spread its own unique brand of sickness to the rest of the cosmos. All of the petty, little bags of flesh on this giant celestial marble were doomed because of the actions of a few stubborn men, in a brilliantly light metropolis in the heart of the country. Iíve never been a religious man but I do know one thing. Hell began with Salvation.
Back to top  

Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Posts: 503
Location: Penna, having a hot cup of tea

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:01 pm    Post subject:  

WOO! Ah, Biz, its great to see you return to this story, and give it a revamp to boot! Love it, love it, love it! Love the narrative voice. Love the scene you've set. Love that last sentence (it's pretty perf, I don't know why you were worried). AND I am so giddy for the next chapter (heaven knows why *winky winky*) Eeeee!!! Keep up the awesome work, Biz! :D

(On a more helpful, less fangirly note: one little thing that got me was at the end of the 5th paragraph - nix the "and spread" so the sentence is just "Chaos sprouted" that way the beginning of the next paragraph packs that extra oomph.)
Back to top  

Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Posts: 461
Location: a chair in a cold dark living room

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:06 pm    Post subject:  

Removed it so that it can have plenty of oomph.
Back to top  

Joined: 16 Oct 2004
Posts: 5215
Location: UK

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:49 pm    Post subject:  

As Seraphi mentions, the narrator voice is fun. I'm not sure the first paragraph is doing much. It's mostly repeated in the last paragraph, and sounds better there. I love the concept of 'Salvation'.

Happy Writing :)
Back to top  

Joined: 18 Sep 2015
Posts: 57
Location: TN

Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2015 7:33 am    Post subject:  

Oooo. I like this. I like the idea of this. I'm excited for more of it, since I didn't get to see it before you started the redo. ^.^
Back to top  

Joined: 18 Apr 2011
Posts: 852
Location: sitting barefoot in a tree in the beautiful land of Ardara, writing my tales...

Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2015 7:57 pm    Post subject:  

I'm going to have to disagree with Smee. I LOVED the repetition of the first and last parts. It really drove it home. Very poetic. Please, don't change that. haha!

I also loved this in general. The first go around, we jumped right into the action, where this sets it up nicely. LOVE it. I can't wait to see more! =D
Back to top  

Joined: 17 Sep 2015
Posts: 38

Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2015 8:27 pm    Post subject:  

Agreeing with Andy there, the repetition was something that pulled it together really. I rather enjoyed it.

I really enjoy all of it and I'm interested to see where it continues to go. To give you an idea of how much I like it, I rarely read things that are first person perspective and yet I look forward to reading more of this (and to get started on reading your other works). I can't wait for more!
Back to top  

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Posts: 3998

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 12:12 am    Post subject:  

Finally got around to reading this. Having played Eternia, this prologue immediately has my memory refreshed.

I find it interesting that the narrator seems so sure about what's going on outside the walls, based purely on the perceived delay on getting Salvation incinerated.

He's assuming the worst (and who'd blame him), and in just 2 weeks, it's as if he's almost lost all hope. This state of mind gives a glimpse into the horrors he's living at the moment, and how it's turned his life upside-down, without actually describing any of it.

I hope we don't have to wait too long for the first chapter!
Back to top  
Kalanna Rai

Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Posts: 3095
Location: The Frozen North

Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 1:59 am    Post subject:  

I, sadly, did not play the previous incarnation so of course I'm getting in on the remake.

*straps self in for the ride*
Back to top  
       Storygames Home -> Storygames: Horror, Mystery and Suspense
Page 1 of 1

Powered by phpBB Search Engine Indexer
Powered by phpBB 2.0.16 © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group