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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:26 am Post subject: Nothing's Ever Easy Chapter 4 Continued: Beating |
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I've tried multiple times to get an SG going, trying new ideas. All of them didn't have that certain edge that I wanted. Now I'm trying the ever present assasin SG. Hope you enjoy.
Nothing's Ever Easy
"Well? Are you available or not? I need this done promptly," huffed the old bag.
"Half now, half later," said thew silky smooth voice.
"HALF? Now listen hear you-"
"Insult me and I double the price hag!" Snapped the shadowed figure.
"Here, peasant. I want the deed done by tonight," she handed over the money and began walking away.
A hand snaked out the shadows and wrapped around her wrist. She gasped and struggled.
"Let go of me!" she screamed.
"You insulted me crow, now, you hand over everything you have in the bag," as the shadow spoke a knife flicked into view.
"Insolence...Will you still do as I asked?" she enquired as she begrudgingly handed over her contents to the outstretched hand.
"Yes, I don't steal, merely kill. I shall be at your door three ticks after midnight. I shall have the ring and the finger you need as proof," said the shadow as it turned to leave.
"You better!" she called after him.
"And you better have that money you promised..." as the cloaked figure melted away in the distance.
Hmmmm, guard dogs, sentries and trip wires. This guy is prepared for company," muttered the cloaked man as he slid across the street out of the sight of the guards.
Serek didn't enjoy his profession, but it was a job. People always needed someone removed. Serek was particularly good at this. Afterall, when you grow up in Thugs Causeway, you need to be able to handle yourself. However nowadays he was never seen there. He had left that life long ago. He was the third best assasin in Lause. When your that highly rated you need never grace the lower quarters ever again. Unless, it involved business of course.
But his target tonight was rich. Very rich. He was residing in the Prince's Quarter, the most expensive residences in Lause. These houses always came with magical protection. Secret passages too. That would be his way in. He just needed to locate them. He circled the household. Damn it! It looked impregnable. He needed a way in.
He sat there for a couple of hours, pondering and searching. Still nothing. Until...There! Two people. A guard and a servant I guess. A couple going out. And there, the key in I suppose. Time to move.
"Come on Gilas, we have a night to remember here! I got my first pay, you have a night off and the town is open. We just need to find it," Bella said avidly.
"Let me just lock up, you know what Master is like when it comes to security," Gilas the guardsman replied as he began to turn the key.
Serek walked past the distracted Bella and slashed the money pouch she had at her waist. The money spilled out. Luckily she didn't see the knife. He made his way round the corner and waited to see what happened.
"Oh! Gilas my pay, it's fallen out! Help me pick it up will you?" she asked him as she bent over and started collecting it. He sighed and stopped locking the door and went to help. Serek slipped out of the shadows and slid past him making it through the door. Quick and painless, well done. He began making his way down the corridor he found himself in. Now, to the stairway I guess.
He exited the corridor and found himself in the courtyard. Oh bollocks. Three huge guard dogs raised their heads and sniffed the air. He instantly went for his ever present knife at his belt as the beasts began advancing. He quickly looked around him in desperation. He saw a rather convienant open window across from him. Bad thing was, one of the dogs were positioned right in front of it. Right, guess there's only one option. He burst into action, sprinting at the dog. However, the dog seemed to expect that and rushed to meet his charge. Bugger. He jabbed his knife forward, aiming for the throat. The mutt turned it's head at the last moment and bowled him over. Soon he was set upon by all three. He thrust his knife all over the place, hoping to try and kill them before they done serious damage. He felt teeth enter his shoulder. Another set of jaws rapped round his calf. A dead weight fell on him, he must of killed one of them. He felt a tear and a burning pain lanced through his leg.
"Hey! Those dogs are fighting each other again! Hogan, throw a slab of meat down again," said one of the guards.
"Those blasted things are more trouble than their worth," grumbled the other guard as he whistled to the dogs.
Go, you blasted things, go. The dogs savaged im a bit longer before they left for the other source of food. Serek lay beneath the dead dog, hoping the guards wouldn't notice the dark silhouette on the ground underneath it. After five minutes of anxiety, he wiggled himself free. damn dogs, damn them all. He crawled along the ground, dragging his torn leg along in silent agony. This guy better be just a normal aristocrat, cause if he is something bigger and better then I'm screwed.
He hobbled along the empty inner sanctum of the nobleman's house. This was a very rich man. He must have a major influence over the King, this man could finance every military expedition in the last five years. Maybe he has. Serek shook his head. Stop thinking money and start thinking killing. This man obviously has the money and power to afford the best protection. Those guards and dogs were physical protection. Now he was looking for magical traps.
He wraped his fingers round an amulet at his throat. He muttered an activation spell and his normally blue eyes turned into a deep azure. He was not in any way a mage but he could use simple enchantments, like all people could. This particular charm could allow him to see distortions in the magical fields around him. Basically, he could see any distortions in the world around him. For example he could now see that if he went to open the door on the far left he would be burned to a cinder. All the doors were trapped, with a variety of grisly deaths available. Oh goody. He scanned the area, looking for a way to get to the upper levels. He limped over and graasped a nearby window. Time to test my climbing skills again. Though he was an assasin, he still admitted he had fears. Heights, were one of them. Everyone assumed assasins like heights, it was not true, they coped with them but they didn't enjoy them. Serek hated them, but they were neccessary for his job.
He swung himself out out of the window and grabbed the ledge above him. He dragged himself up, but was tiring quickly. He could put no weight on his left leg, the torn muscles were screaming in protest at all tis physical activity. At one point he nearly fell due to a fresh wave of pain. Lucky for him he managed to land on the ledge below him, on his right leg. Dying by falling is not my wish, would rather die old and senile. Rich would be nice too. He scrambled up, going ledge by ledge until he reached his goal. I'm going to kill you old man. He stopped climbing, catching his breath and preparing himself. He lunged upwards and through the window. Or, rather that was what he was meant to do. Instead, he flew through the now open window and landed badly. He let out a grunt of surprise. Well that went wrong.
"So, guess your here to kill me?" enquired a voice above him.
An old man towered over him, tapping a cane next to his head. Well lying was out of the question here.
"Dammit, aye, I am. Some old bag paid me to kill you."
He looked at Serek suspicioulsy," I thought assasins didn't reveal their clients?"
"Well, look at me old man, I'm damn near crippled because of those devil dogs in your courtyard, your aiming a cane even as we speak at my throat and I can't reach my knife."
The old man suddenly grinned. He turned and walked over to an armchair beside the room's fire. He picked up a pipe and puffed awhile. Serek struggled to his knees. If he fell over he could reach his knife.
"Don't try it, I may be old but even I can tell what your thinking. Should I go for my knife? The answer is no, cause if you do you die," he puffed away while Serek debated what he should do.
"Nothing's Ever Easy," he mumbled to himself.
What should Serek do?
Wait and listen to the old man
Lunge for the knife and take his chances
Other options
Last edited by Smudger on Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:03 am; edited 9 times in total
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:50 pm Post subject: re |
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| Thanks for reading Zeph! All suggestions noted.
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Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire

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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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3rd best assassin...boy could I ever do some spring cleaning in that city Smudge!
Still I agree with Zeph, he must have some other way of killing the old man. I, however, would wait to hear what he had to say. If I liked it I'd take the ring and finger and go give it ot the old bag, collect my dough, and go talk to the old bugger some more. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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dinranwen Guest
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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Interesting Smudge.....interesting...
Well, for DP I suggest listening to the old man...or just pretend to listen while coming up with a different scheme to kill him.
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian

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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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Nicely written Smudgey.
I was thinking the same as Zepho. A good assassin would have been ready for the dogs. It would possibly have been better if he could have waited until the guy came out of the house too, though he may not have done that until after the deadline of course. I also think that he would have said 'that night' was too soon for this target, not giving him enough time to prepare. However, you could have nullified those issues by making it an urgent need job, and the assassin could have wanted money badly for some reason.
When you write a story, do a little bit of thinking into the background of all the characters. Give them all personality traits and flaws, even if you never show them in the story.
I suspect the woman, for example, doesn't want the finger to prove the death, no doubt she wants the highly magical ring on it.
Anyway, a good start.
As for the DP: The only other option I could think of at the moment is to try and run away, jump out of the window or something. Not the best choice. I would listen to the old man, but watch for a chance to do the job. _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 3:07 pm Post subject: re |
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I thought all of those things after I had posted , thanks China for pointing them out. And reading of course . Well, I shall have the post up by tomorrow or friday, either way. Thanks everyone for reading.
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen

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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:00 am Post subject: |
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I don't feel I need to add anything to the suggestions. I would like to say that aside from the above concerns, it was a lively and interesting story. Keep up on this one. Your style is genuine. _________________ Please visit my Library of completed IF works.
Or check out my Game Company, Ice House Games
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Masterweaver Honored Citizen

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Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 5:06 am Post subject: |
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What? Only two options?
Listen obviously! _________________ Sarothen, Mesoli, Gerastro
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:35 pm Post subject: re |
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| They only said, wait and here what he has to offer, then think of killing him. Comes under, listen to what he says. No other options needed, all commenters basically said there were no other options.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 9:56 am Post subject: re |
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"I'm listening old man," Serek spat.
"Good, I like a man who can admit when he has more to gain by listening than by acting," he replied as he withdrew his pipe," I am a very important figure in our city, I trade in all countries surounding us and beyond, and I have not achieved this through fairplay."
Serek believed he knew where this was going. He was being offered a job, or he thought he was.
"I have used many men like you to do the task your paid to do-"
"Just call it what it is, I murder people for money," Serek butted in. He hated when people didn't talk straight, "elimination" "removing an obstacle" why couldn't people call it assasination? Because it was seen as unseemly and low. Idiots.
"A straight talker, crass, but I could use it," the old man shuffled in his seat.
"What are you talking about? Are you offereing me something here? Just tell me straight instead of all this jibberish, I prefer straight-to-the-point discussion, not those lengthy boring conversations. Like this one," snapped Serek. He was in pain and all this misleading talk was irritating him.
"Fine, let me introduce myself first. I am Wilfredd Von Weizig, the most notable seller of "rare" artifacts from around the known world for this city. In fact the King himself trades with me personally, and is quite the collector. And you are?" the man known as Wilfredd asked.
"I am Serek, an assasin known for getting the task done quickly and efficiently. For this alone I am highly sought after by vengeful spouses and scheming rivals. There are better assasins in the city, but not many. I was hired to snuff out your life this evening," he replied.
"Yes, I know, by a Mrs Alona Carten. Do you know why she wants me dead?" he fired off another question at the immobile Serek.
"No, I don't ask why...I do," Serek grated through his clenched teeth as a fresh wave of pain coursed through his calf.
"I caused her husband to commit suicide, by ruining him in a financial deal,"he informed the disinterested Serek.
"Oh, how exciting," Serek said with sarcasm oozing.
"Yes, my thoughts exactly. Why kill yourself over losing money? So she vowed revenge and you my misguided friend were the weapon she would use to achieve it."
"And I failed," he said.
"Yes, you did. Spectacularly I might add."
Wilfredd leaned over near Serek and grinned," I must confess, you never stood a chance. I have had watchers on Mrs Carten's household since the suicide. YOU were dead before you knew it. I just wanted to see how you done. You showed patience, a good trait. You showed skill getting through the doors unseen. The dogs I was disappionted at, we need a larger weapon for you and you need better training at facing an enemy in combat. Sneaking is good, but if you were discovered you would be beaten by a skillful opponent. We shall work on that. But the thing that impressed me most was...Your luck. I never leave the window open, the guards never give the dogs extra meat. However both occured tonight. Interesting,no?"
The old man is obviously deluded. I was luicky but how is that interesting...
"What do you mean by interesting?"Serek asked tentatively.
"You were very lucky, something I have never been. I think you are a special case. As look at you now, trapped and facing one of the most dangerous men in the city and yet here you are, getting offered a job. Lucky,no?" Wilfredd sat back in his chair and opened a decanter.
"What kind of job?" Serek inquired.
"A spy, killer if needed. You shall infiltrate my rivals and give me information. Kill when asked. You shall live well. Also if I request you might be told to go on a mission, to find me my merchandise to sell. The benefits of doing this are obviouis, you my friend shall live in a life of luxury, as I pay all my agents well."
Is that all it is, or is he using me for something else?
Should Serek accept, Or decline, a new one suggested by Lebrenth and Lordy is kill the widow, then accept.
Any other options available if provided.
Last edited by Smudger on Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:49 am; edited 2 times in total
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JezSharp Respected Citizen

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:08 am Post subject: |
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Good sg Smudger, I'm interested as to where it will go , I think its going to be aone sided dp though - he should obviously accept given that the other alternative is almost certain death.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:10 am Post subject: re |
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thanks for reading Jez, sorry about the dp. After this chappy it should get more complicated I hope...
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:21 am Post subject: |
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He said it. Accept. It sounds like a way to get in the big leagues. However, you have another job to do, if you ask me. There's a saying:
"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried."
Go kill the widow. You have a reputation to preserve. _________________ Please visit my Library of completed IF works.
Or check out my Game Company, Ice House Games
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LordoftheNight Revered IFian

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:42 am Post subject: Re: re |
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| Smudger wrote: | | I never left the window open, the guards never gave the dogs extra meat. However both occured tonight. Interesting,no?" |
I think here you mean - I never leave the door open, the guards never give the dogs extra meat.
You were using the wrong tense - that's all.
I F5 Lebbs here - kill the widow, take her money, and accept your new employer. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 11:46 am Post subject: re |
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| Thanks both for reading. Kill widow, option now as well. Made changes lordy, thanks for pointing that out.
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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Masterweaver Honored Citizen

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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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Accept and get CASH! _________________ Sarothen, Mesoli, Gerastro
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:43 pm Post subject: |
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Refusing the offer immediatly would not be wise considering the assasins position, but agreeing to a permant contract could be equally unwise.
I would suggest agreeing to work for him temporarily but only obsurcurly, after all he is an assasin it wouldn't be wise to be known to work for someone. Make sure the old man understands that you are an assasin and that his alligenance is to no one.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:44 pm Post subject: re |
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Right you are Din, thanks very much
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Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire

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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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Yes take the offer. Being a retained killer has a better benifits package than freelance work. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Masterweaver Honored Citizen

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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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Voted Kill beacause I like to increase tension. _________________ Sarothen, Mesoli, Gerastro
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Geek_girl72 Respected Citizen

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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 6:13 am Post subject: |
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Just finished reviewing this, good job! Other than a few typos like 'they done' instead of 'did' I can't find a single thing wrong with this. You have good description, interestign characters, and a plot that draws the reader in. Keep it up.  _________________ "My candle burns at both its ends, it will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends, it gives a lovely light!"
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
Whodunnit?On hold till further notice
I Don't Believe in Fate: Chapter 13 is now released
Lost n' Spacey On hold till Further Notice
(\__/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny
(")_(")into your signature to help him gain world domination.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:50 am Post subject: re |
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So it shall be promoted?! GG for reading it. I will tart the next chapter in January, going to Austria for a week.
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Masterweaver Honored Citizen

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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:45 pm Post subject: |
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Good for you! _________________ Sarothen, Mesoli, Gerastro
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Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire

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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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Well now Smudge, here you are all set up with a nice clean space in Fantasy Forest. Looks like this SG attempt is really taking off. Keep it coming back when you return form the Land Down Under. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen

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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Kalanna Rai wrote: | | Well now Smudge, here you are all set up with a nice clean space in Fantasy Forest. Looks like this SG attempt is really taking off. Keep it coming back when you return form the Land Down Under. |
Naturally she means "from the land down under Germany".
But yeah, don't slack off. You're a certified SG now! _________________ Please visit my Library of completed IF works.
Or check out my Game Company, Ice House Games
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Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire

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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:11 pm Post subject: |
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And by nice clean space I meant reasonably free of slime and other nasty side effects of excess magical usage. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Masterweaver Honored Citizen

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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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The undead are just misunderstood, Rai.
Please don't go being all negative. _________________ Sarothen, Mesoli, Gerastro
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Polokin Citizen

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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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| I really like this Smudger and like most people, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I'll be awaiting chapter 3 expectantly.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:11 pm Post subject: re |
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Thank you everyone for the nice replies and congradulations! I feel so loved
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:05 pm Post subject: re |
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"Fine Wilfredd, I accept your offer. But before I can be under your employ I have business to clear up, ok?" Serek spat, as if he had a bad taste in his mouth after uttering those words of submission.
"Perfect. Be here at dawn tomorrow so I can discuss the terms of your employment and your first task I have prepared for you. Goodbye Serek, and good luck with the business that need's clearing," at this Wilfredd turned back to the desk he was sitting at and began reading a scroll in front of him.
Serek began for the window when Wilfredd interrupted him," your my staff now Serek, use the front door and ask Aja on the second floor to heal the leg. Can't have you limping about can we?"
Serek grunted and hobbled out into the corridor. Aja, sounds like one of those Cretchan bastards from the East. Strong, cheap labour who never complained. Basically the most hated race in the land at the moment. Serek used to sympathasise with them, until one of their top assasins moved into the city. Serek then grew to hate them, Lause was hard enough to live in without foreigners taking work. Luckily for Serek the assasin winded up dead a month later, seemed the guild didn't like cheap foreign assasins taking their work either. Funny how the guild could take out fellow assasins yet they done no work themselves. They collected dues from assasins, nothing else.
Serek sighed. Guess he should find this Aja. He made his way down the corridor and he gingerly made his way down the stairs. He glanced around trying to find this Aja fellow. He spun around searching. No Cretchan here.
"May I be of service to you Mr Serek?" said a silky smooth voice right beside his ear.
Serek spun with a knife in his hand. He relaxed when he saw the Cretchan face. He was old. How did he sneak up on him? Serek had amazing senses. He looked at the Cretchan, Aja. Wrinkled, slighlty hunched. Harmless. Or so he appeared.
"My leg was hurt. Wait how do you know my name?" Serek demanded.
"Irrelevant Mr Serek, I will heal it. Be careful in removing the Mrs Carten. She is known as a double crosser." Aja had bent over and began rubbing Serek's wound while saying this. Soon the pain disappeared and Serek looked at where the wound was. A faded scar was all that was left as a reminder of his wound.
"How did you do that?" Serek whispered in astonishment. Healing magic was astoundingly rare.
"Ways of Cretcha Mr Serek. Ways of Ctrecha," at this Aja spun and walked away.
Serek shook his head. Guess I got a job in the right place. He walked out calmly in to the courtyard and saw the door wide open. Does everyone know I'm here now?
He paced outside into the city of Lause, wondering his next move...
"Your late" said the hot-tempered old woman.
"And your going to try and kill me. Not happening. See I was sent here to do the same thing."
On that line Serek spun and threw a knife into the shadowed corner nearest the door. There was a meaty thunk and a grunt as the shadow slid to the floor. With that three figures lunged out of each of the corners to strike Serek. Serek pulled out his knives and met the advance of the one to his left. He needed a quick kill.
He jabbed low with one and high with the other but his assailant deflected one and swayed from the other. They were going for the long haul. Serek spun and ducked as a sword came at him from his second attacker. Seems Wilfredd was right. I do need a bigger weapon. And more training.
Serek dropped to his knees and rolled to the side so all his would-be killers were in front of him. Mrs Carten had already left. He backed away while the three moved around him trying to flank him. Serek feinted one way then the next but suddenly reversed his lunge into his left opponent and managed to stick his knife in the unaware killer. He swiftly withdrew it just in time to deflect a killing blow. It still slashed him but it was a small graze on the arm.
He back peddled to the door and into the corridor as he knew it would mean less space for them to manuevour round him. They follwed warily. Suddenly they both attacked at the same time, swords darting forward.Serek leapt back and threw one of his knifes. Another one down. Sadly that left him one knife. Screw it. He went to throw and he saw the arm rise to deflect blade. Serek threw low.
It took his just above the knee. He fell with a scream and Serek jumped on to him and with one swift jerk broke his neck. Now for the old crow. He collected his knives and began the search. He found her room. But no Mrs Carten. He ran and rolled into the room. A sword thudded into the door above his head. He rooled to his feet andrammed a knife into her throat. She cluitched her throat and fell down...
Serek entered Wilfredd's rooms with a small smile on his face. He was proud of his achievements there. Four killers and a chase, and he got the gold he was offered as retribution for trying to kill him. Fair is fair.
"Done?"
"Yes Master Wilfredd. Done."
"Good Serek as I have a job for you to help me with..."
What is the job?(Rather general I know)
Last edited by Smudger on Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Arya Guest
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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Kill Bill Clinton!
Just kidding.
Uh, how about capture a dragon and take it back to him?
I dunno, just throwin some ideas out...
Nice chap tho, looking forward to the next one!
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LordoftheNight Revered IFian

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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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Make it someone he knows. A contact prehaps, or a child-hood friend he's lost touch with. It would be interesting to see how he reacts (when he finds out of course, it would be too easy for him to just recognise the name) and whether he chooses the money over his aquaintence. _________________ Punishment leads to Fear. Fear leads to Obedience. Obedience leads to Freedom. Therefore, Punishment leads to Freedom.
Ave Dominus Nox
A Fronte Praecipitium a Tergo Lupi
Blood Bowl
Scraping the Barrel
A Tale of Four Swords
Passion
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:13 pm Post subject: re |
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A genius plan! God lordy that's brilliant , I was thinking an escort to a city then killing a rival merchant but that tops it!
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Polokin Citizen

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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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Hurrah for killing friends for gold!
This chapter was good, Smudger. You've left this nice and open for lots of ideas to be thrown in.
As for my idea, it could be a mission to kill another assassin that gave Wilfredd trouble in the past and stole an item of significance to him.
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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I like the both ideas but how about we combine them a bit? Have his target be a close friend that he has indeed lost touch with, but in his surprise, the friend will reveil techniques and influences that prove him to be another skilled killer, it would provide a great fight.
Perhaps also a storyline twist can be laid there too. Maybe his friend had received a contract that leads to a mysterious adventure across land and sea. This is a fantasy story and the possibilities are endless without a reasonable doubt.
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Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire

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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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I too like the idea of an old friend being the contact, but instead of Serek being sent to kill this man...what if he is Wilfredd's spy in high places, say the court of another kingdom? Only now the spy is in hot water and needs someone to get him out double-quick, and that's where Serek comes in... _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:54 pm Post subject: re |
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Ok...So we have:
Target is a friend or someone Serek knows yet he doesn't realise
Kill another assasin that has bothered Wilfredd in the past.
Recieve a mission to kil a friend that leads to a long drawn out chase.
Friend is a spy for Wilfredd who is in danger of being found out a needs help in escaping.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:49 pm Post subject: re |
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Poll is up IFians, vote away! The poll will be over in a week or as soon as a clear winner is chosen. Thanks everyone
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian

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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Smudger, I like the story. The characters seem...what you would expect of them. High intrigue and assasination, that always works. If you add more detail and description about the setting and characters, it would be even better. Apparently I picked a losing option, but I await the next chapter. _________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:24 am Post subject: re |
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Thank you D, your advice is duly noted. , one more day of polling then writing chapter 4 mega quick.
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen

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Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:32 am Post subject: |
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Good job Smudge, I don't how you do it, but you put your story together very nicely. I think I'm with D to a point about description, but don't get too involved. The briskness of the action is part of the allure.
Looks like the best option won!  _________________ Please visit my Library of completed IF works.
Or check out my Game Company, Ice House Games
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 3:43 pm Post subject: re |
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"No killing? Just help an agent in trouble?" Serek asked slightly perturbed.
"This is in a general sense, once you have successfully met up with the agent in question you will follow her orders," Wilfredd revealed.
"Her?" Serek blurted out.
"Yes, her. Alanra Borik, a spy of great beuty and ability. Do not be fulled by her innocent appearance, she is one of the deadliest women I have ever met, and I've met a lot of dangerous people."
Serek nodded. Well this is a first. Taking orders off of a woman. He wasn't sexist, just he was unused to thinking of them as a master over him. He nodded to Wilfredd then began to leave, when suddenly he remembered something Wilfredd had said to him.
"Aren't I meant to get training? In a longer weapon and against multiple foes?" Serek enquired.
"This is a test, a test of your raw ability. If you survive then you shall get the training I promised. Now go to Evelin and save Alanra."
On this note Serek left...
Well, you had to leave Lause sometime in your life. No I didn't, Lause was good enough for me. I'm a city kid at heart, all these open spaces make me feel...Vulnerable really. Look at all these places someone could lay an ambush here. Why couldn't it have been accessible by boat? I could of lived staying on a boat.
Serek shifted nervously in his saddle. And there's the bloody horse too. Stupid beast. Could be I can't ride either is the problem as well. Why did I get myself involved in all this crap! Because the pay is good and you can retire at the age of thirty five easily. Still, why do I need to travel!
Serek continued, swaying in the saddle like a drunk trying to walk, cursing Wilfredd and himself for getting him in this mess. He didn't take in his beautiful surroundings, the woods that signalled the border between Evelin and Lause, two competetive nations striving to come out on top of the West's mercantile empire. In some areas Lause dominated in others Evelin. Both fought over every available market like their cities lives depended on it. Lately however a couple of other city states had begun making moves on rising to compete with the rivals. This had forced the two to sign a precarious trade agreement to see off these young powers. Now, trade flowed smoothly from city to city. The neighbouring villages had grown significantly into towns and were beginning to verge on cities but they would always be in the shadow of their patron rulers. However Serek was always wary, he didn't realise he was in one of the most ideaylic places around.
Woods, magnificent meandering streams, river beds with a rainbow of rocks, all different colours. Any man would be mesmarised and at peace in these surroundings. But not Serek. He was worried. He was close to the meeting point with Alanra, and he didn't know what to expect. She was meant to be beautiful and deadly. Damn, why couldn't it have been something simple like kill a merchant?
Serek rounded a bend to see a scene of carnage. Seven dead men lay spawled around a women who stood, cleaning her blade on one of the fallen. She looked up and saw Serek. Oh, this must be her.
"The merchant owes me for my services," the silken smooth voice stated.
"And the merchant always pays his debts, especially to beauties," with that Serek bowed, as Wilfredd had tiold him to say.
"So your the assasin which is meant to help me. You look...weak."
Serek blinked at this. Weak. Serek had memories of his harsh childhood in thr Thugs Causeway, of the older stronger children picking on the smaller easily scared children like Serek. After that period of his hellish life he had vowed to never be bullied again. This is where he started to learn to kill. He had been getting pushed around by a butcher's apprentice, he had grabbed the boy's butcher knife from his pocket and stabbed him with it. From then on Serek was left alone...
"Are you slow as well as weak, I said follow me," the woman, Alanra strode over to her horse and mounted up.
Serek scowled. I'm not slow. Or weak...
"So what am I meant to be doing to help you? And I thought we were trying to leave Evelin, not go back in," Serek asked after two hours of silence.
"You? Help, well, I thought I would be getting a big brutish killer that could protect me while I infiltrate the higher circles of Evelin. In stead Wilfredd sends me a dandy that doesn't look to have a cruel bone in his body," Alanra answered.
She has a tongue like a viper! " thanks for those kind words mistress, your confidence in me fills me with hope of a good relationship between us," Serek hit back with, his tone oozing sarcasm.
"Don't get smart with me...what is your name?" Alanra finally asked.
"Serek."
"Serek...do you have a last name Serek?"
"No, I do not have the privilege of having a last name," Serek spat these words out. In Lause to possess a last name you must buy the right from the officials. It was a sign of honour, class and social standing. It was the beginning of a life of balls, society groups and the privileges of upper class life.
"I'm a killer from Thugs Causeway, we fought for food, we scavenged clothing, we grouped together to defend what we had managed to take against more opportunistic groups. Life was hard, you mock me and say I'm weak woman, well, I may appear weak and not able to do much but I have one quality that has managed to make me what I am, a survivor. Without patience I would never have made it out of that life," Serek ended his tirade with a deep breath and rode ahead...
"I am Alanra Borik, of the Borik family in Lause. We own many of the cafes in the Eastern district. As a woman I was just meant to get married, not take part in the business. My mother thought differently and taught me to be a spy of great ability, so great that I left the family to join the services of one of the most enigmatic and ruthless masters in Lause. Wilfredd," Alanra hitout with suddenly while they were sitting round the campfire.
"An aristocrat turned spy. How nice," Serek replied.
"My job here was to infiltrate the Evelin upper class and find out the trading deals of the four richest family, transfer them to Wilfredd so he could suck the wealth out of the four prominant families and cause havoc within Evelin," Alanra revealed.
"Did you?" Serek asked, interested now.
"Yes, but there has been problems with two in particular. I have managed to infiltrate the Quince family, spice traders mainly, and the Arsin family, lumberers who have went into ship building for the crown of Evelin. Each I done by going for their sons, however, the other two are far more difficult. The Egrics have no sons, I cannot get in without going for a job for them, taking me away from the others. Also with the Wrens, they know me from my time within the Quince, as their spy system is just as good as Wilfredd's, they sent the killers back there to eliminate my influence on the Quince sons."
Serek understood why he was here now. He had to inflitrate the other two. And protect Alanra too.
What one do you want me to deal with first?"
Options:
Infiltrate the Egric family by turning the shabby Serek into a handsome dandy?
Strike the Wren family spy network and eliminate the threat to Alanra?
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Kalanna Rai Assassin for Hire

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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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I think he should strike at the spy network, try to get the heat off his charge while making sure that none of her work is undone. Plus once the Wren are off balance it's the perfect chance to infaltrate them. _________________ "It's not just about living forever...the trick is living with yourself forever..."
"Music makes you braver."
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Polokin Citizen

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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree with Rai, if you leave the Wrens for too long, they might have an influence on the Quinces.
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian

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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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Nice chapter, Smudger. I think I wouldn't plunge right into a battle with a spy network right away. The Edrics, I think, are a more viable option, where Serek can practice his skills before taking a larger challenge. So far your co-spy has been able to take care of things alone, I think she'll be alright with your help until you decide to take on the spy network. Go to the Edrics then. _________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I have to agree with the others here, go for the spy network.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:25 am Post subject: re |
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Well, the poll is now up...Be a tie, be a tie!!! , thank you everyone for reading and commenting!
Smudger
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Lebrenth Honored Citizen

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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:33 am Post subject: |
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Deal with the spies, whether you're ready or not. It's no good getting into an undercover situation with people out to kill you. Alanra Borik's identity and mission have been discovered. She's useless as a spy until the ones who know are killed.
As a spy, she's certainly not very subtle. Killing in the middle of the road in broad daylight, and being seen doing it. She should feel ashamed that Serek saw her. I don't trust her spying skills, so it's better to go on a spy vs. spy mission. Sounds more interesting too.
If she knows any of the counter-spies, a simple assassination of a few members should help. Setting a trap for them would seem more efficient though. _________________ Please visit my Library of completed IF works.
Or check out my Game Company, Ice House Games
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Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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| I say strike the spy network with hate and malice...or just craziness. Your call.
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Smudger Citizen

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Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:04 pm Post subject: re |
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"The Wrens are the greater threat to our mission in Evelin. I shall eliminate key members of their spy network to free you up to do what needs to be done. The Egrics are second to the Wrens. I'll need names..."
Serek sat in the dingy room he had rented out. I may be working for a rich merchant but he really doesn't treat us too well. Serek started tapping his foot in irritation. Alanra was taking so long finding this information out. Serek was beginning to get worried. You should've went with her, the Wrens tried to kill her you damned fool, why wouldn't they try again?
Serek sat up at this thought and began to pace around the room. I'm an idiot. He started for the door but it swung open to reveal Alanra. She was in a skimpy dress, all the rage among the noble girls. Serek tried to turn his eyes away from her heaving bosom and volumptous legs. God I need a pass time apart from killing. Or a good woman.
"Finished looking?" a disapproving Alanra asked.
"Eh, yeah. Wren contacts?" Serek turned the awkward topic around as quick as he could.
"Only got one name. Willub. A drunkard down at the Hangman's Harbour. He is meant to have a lot of information on the high families. Get him, get the Wren names."
"And why can't you get him?" Serek wondered aloud.
"Because I'm being followed you simpleton!" Alanra snapped.
"Touchy today aren't you..." Serek hit back as he left for the Harbour.
He made his way down the harbour, becoming a part of the crowd and shifting and dodging the frequent swell and fast hands trying to get his knives and purse. Seems Evelin isn't any different from Lause. Same thieves, pickpockets and thugs as us. But ours are better. Serek took a fierce pride in Lause and the criminal world it had. Being born in it was what held him in its gory thraul. Never would a place hold his interest like Thugs Causeway, the constant danger, fast action and unique characters within it never ceased to amaze him. Evelin was beginning to lose its shine on Serek.
I wish I was home. Serek made his way to one of the Harbour inns. He was bound to be in one of them, he was a drunk. Serek entered the first and it went quiet as soon as he put one foot in the domain. Crap. He went to the bar and pointed at what he wanted. Not a good idea coming out and revealing he's a foreigner straight away. He drank, and drank, and drank, until he was dizzy from it all. He hustled the bartender over to him, wanting to try and do the task that had been given to him.
"Bartender, do you know a Willub? He's meant to be a drunk," Serek slurred out.
The bartender stiffened at this and nodded to a corner. Serek turned around dumbly to see what he was indicating. Three brawny saiors were getting to their feet and advancing menacingly on him. Serek staggered to his feet and fumbled for his knives. He flicked them into his hands as the sailors went for cudgels at their belts. Just as Serek was going to lunge a burst of light and a sinking darkness overwhelmed him...The last thing he heard was..."Throw him out back, beat him, then tell Willub he has hunters after him...."
Serek awoke, retching. He felt as if he was on fire. Everything hurt. He glanced at his body. Bloody, beaten mess, sticking out at odd angles. Now he was covered in his own vomit too. Nothing's ever easy he thought, as he struggled to his knees. A fresh wave of nausea swept through him and darkness beckoned like an old friend....
"Wake up padre, wake up," said a heavily accented voice and a shaking hand on his shoulder.
Serek groaned. Leave me be.
"Wake up, lying here just leaves you open for the dogs to take, and amigo, dogs in Evelin are vicious," harried the panicking voice.
I will not be eaten by dogs again! Serek struggled to his knees battling against a fresh wave of sickness. A darkened hand lifted him to his feet. Strong. He glanced dizzily up at the man helping him. A Crosi. He smiled nervously at the beaten assasin.
"Padre we need to leave, boss expects me any time now," said the Crosi as he turned and dragged the slow moving Serek away from the cesspool he had been left in.
Crosi were a little race from the Soither cities beyond the desert. They flooded into Western ports all over and soon they were an integral part of the harbour life of every mercantile city. They were hard little durable men who could toil with the best workers. The thing that separated the Crosi from the Cretcha were that the Crosi worked on docks only, they hated being compared to servants or underlings. They were a proud race that bowed to no one.
Serek struggled along with the Crosi until he finally blacked out again...
Serek sat in the dingy apartment awaiting the Crosi. Dammit I don't even know the guys name. Serek winced as another wave of pain washed over him. Well they are gonna know me now for sure when I finally find Willub. I need some sort of plan. To say the least, this one ain't gonna be easy...
Options:
The Crosi convienently walks in and Serek is struck by a stroke of genius
Serek decides "oh screw it" and takes off after the illusive Willub
Serek gets all dolled up as a beggar, drunk, down on luck sailor, something barlike and tries to find further info on Willub.
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Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm going for the third option. You need more info on this guy unless he wants to end up like the last attempt.
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D-Lotus Venerable IFian

Joined: 21 Oct 2004
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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Going into a disguise seems to be the best option. Walking in bluntly isn't a good idea, as has already been proven. _________________
Chapter 5: The Rendezvous
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Polokin Citizen

Joined: 12 Aug 2006
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:32 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree with Fenris (strange, I'm usually disagreeing with him...) and D. Blending in and getting information would be the easiest way to get information.
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Chinaren Hallowed IFian

Joined: 05 Sep 2005
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Serek tried to turn his eyes away from her heaving bosom and volumptous legs |
Nice line!
Good episode Smudgy. I like your hero, he flounders about really well.
I agree with the others. Diguise, as a harlot. hehe.  _________________ Neil Hartley Books.
My Amazon page.
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Polokin Citizen

Joined: 12 Aug 2006
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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Everyone already knew you would like that line china
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Smudger Citizen

Joined: 11 Jul 2006
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:04 am Post subject: re |
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Harlot you say Mr Mayor? Harlot it is if that poll wins . Thanks all for reading, now for the voting!
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| Polokin wrote: | | I agree with Fenris (strange, I'm usually disagreeing with him...) and D. Blending in and getting information would be the easiest way to get information. |
Its the end of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs uncontrollably* I need weeeeeeed to comfort me!!!!!
....yes....anyways, I voted!
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| What should the hurt Serek do? |
| The Crosi convienently walks in and Serek is struck by a stroke of genius |
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0% |
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| Serek decides "oh screw it" and takes off after the illusive Willub |
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| Serek gets all dolled up as a beggar, drunk, down on luck sailor, something barlike and tries to find further info on Willub. |
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100% |
[ 7 ] |
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| Total Votes : 7 |
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You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
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