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NeverNeverGirl
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 Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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made an executive decision as the poll tied between hot chick and chick from tower... as i have other plans for tower chick hot chick is the winner.. thanks ren 
here she is ren.. your hot chick..
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Chinaren
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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dedicated to China our fuzzy orange boss guy
Temptations
As Hector walked into the clearing he beheld before him a sight more tempting then many he had seen for a long time.
A stew cooked on a slowly burning fire to one side of a small caravan painted light blue. Its yellow canopy contrasting starkly against the muted greens and browns of the woodland it radiated warmth and happiness. A small horse grazed nearby and a kitten played whimsically with a leaf. Yet it was not this scene of homely enchantment that bought Hector to a grinding halt.
Standing no more than ten feet away, with her back to him, was the most beautiful specimen of woman Hector had ever had chance to see. Even in his deepest visions he hadn't come across such as she.
Her long chestnut red hair fell unbound down her naked back and fell in rippling waves to cup just below her naked buttocks. The smooth white skin was unblemished by any (visible) scar and her legs were lean and muscular. Hectors pulse sped up as the maiden bent to run a sponge over her calves, her hair cascading forward to reveal the smooth planes of her back. The most strangly enticing aspect of the girl was the gentle curve of her spine, Hector had the strangest urge to run his tongue up it and gently take the flesh of her neck between his teeth.
Running his hands through his hair Hector exhaled, Fair day has never seen such beauty, he thought to himself.
'EXCUSE ME!" The girl spun quickly around, eyes blazing. Her hands on her hips and legs akimbo, she seemed just as alluring as before.
Oops, must have said that out loud, Hector chided his clumsiness. Hector found his eyes drawn to the girls face despite her entire body being exposed to him in a very seductive manner.
The chestnut hair was complimented by a pair of emerald green eyes that sparkled with outrage, a pert nose and full lips (screwed up into a snarl) set the stage for a breathtaking performance by her eyebrows which had shot up higher than belief. Arching one eyebrow she stalked towards him.
It was only when she was within striking distance that Hector noticed the swirling pattern of tattoos that curled from the soft line of her collarbone over her left breast and down to circle her navel. The harsh black lines that traced her skin only served to further exacerbate her feminity and she grew only more beautiful in his eyes.
'Who do you think you are walking into my camp like you are some kind of Landowner?' She almost spat the words at him, the venom in her voice so palpable that Hector flinched.
'I told your people that they were not to come here unless summoned and I CERTAINLY did not do that!'
Hector suddenly became concious of a fragrance wafting into his nose, sweet and musky it slid right through his core and left him with a strong desire to touch her. He caught himself before he raised his hand too high, and placed it on his horses neck instead.
Shaking his head slightly, he tried in vain to search for the words to atone for his wrong doing, but he found it so hard to consider it wrong. Let alone apologise for looking. He stammered out a few insensible words and ducked his head.
Once again he found himself captivated by the girl. Her feet were smooth, unblemished and perfect. Her ankles slim and her toes delicate. His real undoing came with the cording bound around her ankle, it was purple and contrasted perfectly against her pale smooth flesh. He found his eyes wandering upwards following the snaking coils of the strand until it reached just below her right knees.
Such divinity was surely made for a mans pleasure, Hector mused to himself. He began to fantasise about running a fingertip along the cord when the maiden stepped away quickly.
'Oh no you don't, big boy!' The girl suddenly became aware of her nakedness and Hectors perception of her vulnerability faded quickly. 'No touching. Touching causes pain, yours, and i am sure you don't want that!'
Shaking her head she turned and walked towards the caravan. Hector watched as the door swung wide and he could her the sounds of her rummaging around. She emerged soon after dressed in a dress as green as her eyes. The cut of it was almost more than he could take, his physical reaction was more violent than when he had seen her naked. The dress was knee length and had no sleeves yet the scooped neck dipped just far enough to allow a view of the gentle valley between her breast. The sides of the skirt were open almost to a point of indecency and he could tell that no under clothes were being worn beneath.
Pretending to rummage through his pack Hector buried his head in his horses flank and tried to pull himslef together.
'Water?' Her voice gently mocked him and her hand on his shoulder sent a shudder through his skin, as he took the proferred flask and swallowed hurriedly.
'Thirsty, huh?' she laughed. 'So stanger, who are you?'
'He.. Hec.. Hector. My name is Hector.' he stuttuered over his words and drew a deep breath. 'You?'
'Me.' She replied as if the word was enough. She sauntered back to the fire and stirred the stew. 'I am..."
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Last edited by NeverNeverGirl on Wed Aug 29, 2007 11:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:12 am Post subject: |
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DP - who is she? or maybe not....
Maybe its just a question of what follows next?
A bit of crumpet?
A cup of tea
A crew of winged dogs falls from the trees and attacks?
meh. YOU decide. It is a storygame!
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:06 am Post subject: |
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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ah, you ruined all the good oppurtunites with the threat of pain! of course, pain has its' place, so, maybe you haven't ruled out much, but, anyways, the girl must have some sort of mystical or other worldly powers, or perhaps she is a sage or seer? Have them sit together over food and drink, and find out more about her. nice descriptions, and I look forward to where it goes next.
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Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 8:30 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, you're really good at hot chicks Nene!! What a wonderful description.
~Sighs longingly for a moment~
Anyway, DP. She has to be some sort of witchy character, it just screams it.
Maybe she's on a quest for her tribe. I'm out of ideas just at the moment for this, but I'll think on it some more...
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:44 am Post subject: |
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Psh. Witches.
I say she's a wood nymph, driven insane by the murder of her tree (which she survived through the use of some nefarious necromancy that causes her to - painfully - suck the life out of anyone she touches).
See? Things can be much more interesting than simple witchcraft.
Other than that, great job NeNe! This is quite... descriptive, but more importantly very engaging. Keep it up.
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:40 am Post subject: |
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She is an apparition. Not there at all, just a means for someone enigmatic to communicate a message. She could appear again and again in this way... So when she says 'I am...' it could be someone else speaking through her.... if you get what I mean.
Wonderfully written. What more can I say?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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poll up - vote or he dies.....
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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the conversation options wins... stay tuned
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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not today ren, i am in the mood to write... sorry... 
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 3:49 pm Post subject: chapter 4. Revelations |
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Chapter 4 – Revelations
Looking back over her shoulder, the girl stole a glance at Hector. Her eyes flashed challengingly and he felt his knees go weak.
How could he be having such a violent reaction to someone he didn’t know?
‘I am ...’ she said with an air of authority, ‘about to have a bite to eat. Won’t you join me?’
Hector took a seat by the fire and let the flame draw his eyes for a moment. He looked up to find her proffering a bowl of stew and he took it, eating gratefully. It was really the most delicious thing he had ever tasted, he had finished the whole bowl before he remembered his companion.
‘I am sorry I intruded like that, I was looking for a place to stop and came upon you, suddenly, without knowing...’ He felt the words tumble from him, again he marvelled at himself, behaving like a young boy in her presence.
‘I fear that I reacted rather badly,’ she smiled at him ruefully, ‘please forgive me for being so harsh. It is not often that I am taken unawares, especially by one such as you.’
She gazed levelly into his eyes. He felt the weight of her stare as if she looked deep into his soul and judged what she found lying in wait.
‘I am going to ask you a question Hector, I would like it very much if you answered truthfully.’ She turned her whole personage so that it faced him, placing her hands in her lap she continued.
‘Who are you that you can walk into my space without my knowledge? What angel kissed your brow?’
Hector sat in silence for a long while, contemplating his answer. It would be foolhardy to give away too much to someone he didn’t know, but the longer he mused the more the answer seemed to edge its way out of his mouth.
‘There is a place, very far from here, where the mightiest warriors fear to tread, for fear of upsetting that which resides there. It is my homeland and I am but a scholar, sent by my Lord to take a message to his Love.’ He looked down at his bowl and stirred the remnants of the meal with his fork.
‘Yes, but how does that protect you? What gives you the right to walk unheeded?’ The light of interest gleamed in her eyes.
Reaching into his shirt, Hector gingerly withdrew a small carving. Shaped like an arc, it was blue in colour with green lines crossing back and forth across its surface.
The maiden’s eyes gleamed more brightly. Her hand reached forward to touch the talisman, and Hector carefully slipped it back into his shirt. She caught herself and looked at him with suspicion.
‘Was that an Arc de Héritage? Are you really from the Holy lands?’ She rose from her seat and advanced towards Hector. Throwing herself in front of him, she postulated and lay her head on his feet, not once touching him.
‘Please, don’t, not here.’ Hector bid her to rise, and she knelt so that he could see her face. Tears ran down her cheeks in thick lines, her skin flushed with excitement.
‘Ah, Father, you are a long way from home. The Heavens have blessed me many times over to send you to me. With your help I can do so much....’ She stared at him in rapture, looking at him as at a divine being.
Clearing his throat Hector intervened in her spiel.
‘Please, Maiden, don’t cry and beseech to me. I am far from home, jaded as the Emperor and long gone from the grace of God.’ He paused and before he could reveal much more she was upon him.
‘Please! You must help me! Hear my story and know my fate, then tell me if your God has not sent you thus.’ Her voice wavered in the only sign of uncertainty he had heard thus far. ‘Please Good Father...’
‘Call me Hector,’ he sighed.
She sat back on her heels and spread her skirt with her hands so that her comely thighs where hidden from sight.
‘My name is Lavinia Maudit. I am the first of my people and the last of my people.’ Her words were thick with emotion and tears began to flow down her face again.
‘I come from the Nymphe des bois. They are, nay, were my people. So long have I waited to tell the tale, that the words now, do not come so easily...
There has been an uprising amongst my people. For many millennia we have lived side by side with the people of the Sirène, as one people we each cared for our respective homes and helped the world to continue on in harmony with itself.
We on the land, they in the water. Each balancing, perfectly, with the other.'
Hector found himself startled by her speech, could it be true? He vocalised the thoughts that ran quickly through his mind.
'The Tree Nymphs and the Mermen? Surely such races do not exist? The mere nature of there being...'
Lavinia sliced through his words as would a blade through water.
'Oh we exist, despite the beliefs of the small folk who would rather assume that they are the sole reason for anything, than know that they are the reason for nothing. Reason dictates that we, the caretakers, exist.
If the waves crash into the shore and there is no one there to hold it together, it will simply wash away. If the plants and animals get no water, they wither and die. So it is, that water has no purpose without the life that feeds from it, without the shade from the tree it will evaporate in the sun. Our peoples, We are a perfect circle. Harmony and Flow are our Cause and our Way.
It has come to be, among our people – whom we call La Famille Terre, that an outsider is influencing our council. The Elders, that are meant to guide us, have become corrupted. They strive for power and influence, each vying with the other to have the largest territory, the most land – this in itself is enough to cause untold Chaos amongst us. Our people believe that one cannot ‘own’ the land. It is simply a part of us and we of it. She is our mother, He is our father, and We spring from her and return to him.
Simple, yes?’
She made the last a question, and Hector thought before he responded.
‘La Famille Terre? The Earth Family... ' musing hecotr murmured softly under his breath then raised his head, catching Lavinias' eyes.
'Yes, it makes as much sense – if not more, than any other thing I have heard, or believed.’
Lavinia looked at him keenly, taking in for the first time the dark shadow on his cheeks, the lines on his brow and the deep bottomless blue of his eyes. Brushing back his long dark hair with one hand, he motioned for her to continue.
‘Father, Hector, a foul spirit has taken me from my home. I was chosen by our Magi to perform a quest, one that sees me bound in inexplicable ways to the fate of my people.
The Nymphe des bois, we are the people of the trees. Every day we stand around you, still, beautiful and majestic, it is only at night that we are truly free. Our souls emerge from our trees and we dance and rejoice in the light of the moon. Spirits, from Our Mother, blessed us long ago, blessed us so that we may take human form for ten days out of every 60, so that we may take lovers and renew our peoples.
The Sirène, they too, take more human aspect and seek out lovers. Thus we expand our numbers and so we continue to thrive and grow.’
Lavinia paused to take a draught from her water flask, Hector stole the opportunity to pose his questions.
‘So this is your time of transformation? When you may move as human? So, why are you here in the middle of the woods? Shouldn’t you be amongst the towns, trying to find someone to sire your children?’
Sighing, she looked at him, studying his face carefully.
‘It is here that the tale turns horror story, Hector.
I mentioned that the Magi had bade me perform a quest. Our Magi, she is human while the rest of us sleep, protecting our people and making the decisions that the Council no longer care to make.
I was selected as fittest and strongest both mentally and physically to perform this duty. In a ritual, arcane and terrifying, my soul was ripped from my tree...’ An expression of sorrow, haunting and chilling both, crossed her face and filled her eyes. As she continued to talk she was visibly shaking and flinched at her own words.
‘I was torn asunder from my place of repose during the light of day. With no foreknowledge or choice I was thrown, with great pain, into human form. As I fell to the ground so did my Elm fall. Rotting and stagnating, she toppled to the ground. As would your body if your soul was torn asunder.
Never again may I return to her. We are two separate entities now and she is gone, made by my people into the Caravan you see behind you. I may wander as I will during the day but every night I must return to her or we will both vanish completely.
It is a cruel fate, to know I can never unite with her fully, she is the other half of my being, yet I am able to return to her every night still. The loving and gentle embrace of the Mother has been denied me. So shall be my destiny until the end of my days.
I am the first of the Wanderers, the treeless Nymphs and I pray, that i am the last. ‘
Hector turned and looked again at the little caravan. It was unremarkable in every way other than the colours that delineated it from the copse.
Was it truly her real body? Did he have the way of this right? She must fulfil her quest and even then go unrewarded and be cursed to wander forever, without a home? What God would demand such as this?
Looking back at Lavinia he marvelled again at her beauty. He reached a hand forward to touch her face and she threw herself away from him with incredible speed.
‘No! You must never touch me Hector! Please! Promise me that you shall not do it! To do so would mean nothing more than your death!’
‘What do you mean?’ He pulled his hand back into his lap.
‘It is my burden, to save my people and reunite them, to bring them together in Love and continue on. It is my curse too, that to know my touch is to know death. So must I wander, without knowing touch or kiss, for eternity.’
Poking at the remnants of the fire with a large stick, Hector asked the one question that remained, not able to meet her eye.
‘So, Lavinia, what is your quest?’
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Last edited by NeverNeverGirl on Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:56 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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she is cupid.
she is to study humes everywhere and then make matches based on compatibility.
nice chappy nene. oh, and change the 'I' within the [] to a lower case, and then the italics will work.
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Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:14 am Post subject: |
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I have just caught up with this one too! Very good chapter.
When doing italics, put [/i] at the end, that should close it properly..
I will have to come back with a suggestion for Lavinia's quest.
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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okay - ideas please people?
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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maybe i should write another chapter ? It may be more open to responses?
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Mephistopheles
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| Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:46 am Post subject: |
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That may help, or reminding people that it is here? it's been a long while since you posted anything here nene. but another chappy would be cool too!
_________________
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
I don't know, it's just the way I am.
eminem
without the threat of death,
there is no reason to live at all
marilyn manson
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| Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:54 am Post subject: |
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Hey NeNe (as I'm assured you like to be called).
I see it has been over 6 weeks since the last chapter, but hopefully it's only a respite before continuing.
Having just read all the chapters from the beginning, I like and dislike this story at the same time. Whilst I try to frame my thoughts as to why, let me just cover a handful of little technicalities...
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| Quote: | | and in general the in seemed full of revellers |
This is from the prologue, and I believe there should be an 'Inn' in there.
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| Quote: | | At the sound of branches cracking Hecotr Dismounted quickly urging Maestro onwards. |
Chapter 2 I think... Hector's name has been mangled a little, and 'Dismounted' doesn't need a capital. A bit of a strange sentence though. Not certain what's intended here. Was it the mount making the noise from breaking branches, so he dismounted to make him quieter? Or did he here the noise coming from some other sourse?
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| Quote: | As Hector walked into the clearing he beheld before him a sight more tempting then many he had seen for a long time.
A stew cooked on a slowly burning fire to one side of a small caravan painted light blue. ]Its yellow canopy contrasting starkly against the muted greens and browns of the woodland it radiated warmth and happiness. A small horse grazed nearby and a kitten played whimsically with a leaf. Yet it was not this scene of homely enchantment that bought Hector to a grinding halt. |
This chapter (and subsequent ones) seemed to have leapt into past tense, I noticed Chinaren's comment earlier. Yet this blue sentence has some present tense mingled in as well.
A pain to spot, as I know only too well. I still spend considerable time correcting my own tense errors.
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| Quote: | | tell that no under clothes were being worn beneath. |
Of course I wasn't reading this section with extra special care! Lies I say! Ahem... anyway. I think this line reads a little easier without the 'being'. It serves no purpose in the sentence.
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| Quote: | | buried his head in his horses flank and tried to pull himslef together. |
A quick little typo on 'himself'.
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| Quote: | | 'Water?' Her voice gently mocked him and her hand on his shoulder sent a shudder through his skin, as he took the proferred flask and swallowed hurriedly. |
I know he 'shudders', but a shudder is a long way from death. Should she really be touching him here? If she can, therefore I assume she can supress the curse in some way, and her later statements are lies. Vital for our hero to know.
~
I'm still not much closer to finding a way of explaining how I can like and dislike this story at the same time. I like the fantasy, and your skill with descriptions, but I'm also a little lost. The protagonist has appeared in some random Inn, heard some nonsense words, and left, only to ride back again, hold some gem to his face, and then race off with some urgency.
It is all a little too odd. What was he doing before he went to the Inn and heard those words? Who is he? There is just too much mystery at the moment I think, and not enough understanding to make the mystery exciting rather than frustrating.
I'm also not so keen on the decision points that have us deciding what happens plot-wise rather than us deciding some action of a character. But that's just a personal style, not a critique. e.g. Rather than deciding what quest she's on, I'd prefer to be deciding whether we help her or not, after you've told us what quest.
The author has to work a little bit 
But the decision point is, what the decision point is... how profound *bows*. There was likely some trickery involved, but she must have known something when the rite was begun to rip her spirit from her tree. There must have been some general agreement that such a travasty was required; not something done lightly.
So therefore it must be a quest of large importance. The survival of the species, or atleast the entire area she's from. Some threat must have been made to it, that required her to leave for longer than the typical 10 days allowed, in order to find help. Some evil thing threatening her people's forest with fire perhaps, or some mystic seeing the destruction of the forest from a meteor. Perhaps the theft of some talisman that keeps the forest healthy.
Keep it up, and
Happy Writing 
_________________
The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic Herd!
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NeverNeverGirl
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| Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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WOW Smee - i am thoroughly chuffed by your response. Not least because it means someone took the time to read it...
Perhaps the points you make about the flow fothe story are the reason it has yet to gain much of a response from IF. I shall consider these sage words and make the necessary adjustments that you pointed out.
You have given me much to mull over....
_________________
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Crunchyfrog
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| Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| Ah the quest - something that requires more than a day's travel - since she is bound to the caravan otherwise. She needs to bring back someone or something, that will help to find out whoever it is that is influencing the council of tree nymphs.
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